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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26418178">The House That Love Built</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fizzfics/pseuds/fizzfics'>fizzfics</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 13:08:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>185,867</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26418178</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fizzfics/pseuds/fizzfics</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Upon the deaths of his parents, Harry Potter is handed over to his godfather, Sirius Black. With the help of Remus Lupin and the Weasley family, Sirius learns how to be a parent and a friend to the young boy, all the while anticipating the day he will be forced to lay down his life to protect him.</p><p> </p><p>Sirius raises Harry AU - from the deaths of Lily and James to Harry's final year at Hogwarts</p><p>Also available on Wattpad: fizz-fics</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Arthur Weasley &amp; Molly Weasley, Harry Potter &amp; Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin &amp; Mary Macdonald, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black &amp; Marlene McKinnon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>150</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first of November dawned slowly, drawing out the hours of the night as though practicing for the coming of the forthcoming winter months. The still pitch-black morning air was cold and, though he walked briskly, the wind whipped the robes of Sirius Black and bit at his exposed skin. He had not seen Hogsmeade by the barely-dawning light in several years, and to see it now caused a lump in his throat. Despite his sorrow and sleeplessness, and the now-tainted memories that flooded into his mind, Sirius found that no tears appeared on his lash-line. He felt empty and achingly dry, as though everything important had been drawn from him like blood in a syringe.</p><p>He caught sight of the dimly glinting surface of the Black Lake as he crossed under the archway that bridged the village of Hogsmeade and the grounds of Hogwarts, and was reminded again of things that would be less painful to forget. But as this thought entered his mind, he found himself unwilling to let it go. He didn't want to forget all that had come to pass, despite the ache in his chest and the uneasy knot in his stomach. If he were to forget it all, it would be as though it never happened and the people he had loved so dearly had never existed. It was in this moment that Sirius vowed to recall everything that he could about James and Lily Potter as often as possible, until the image of their smiling faces flashing through his mind no longer brought with it pain, but contented nostalgia alone.</p><p>He stopped walking, just for a moment, and stared through the violet darkness until the shape of the Black Lake came more clearly into focus and he could just about make out the small bay where he had spent so many hours with his friends in their final year of school. Sirius and James had been going there as often as they could from their first year at Hogwarts, along with Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. It was best in the last month or two before their classes broke up for the summer holidays and they all went their separate ways. Sirius pushed the thought of his lonely summers at Black Manor from his mind and focused back in on happier memories as he continued walking. After the holidays, the weather was usually still warm enough until the beginning of October to go down to the Lake a few times a week to spend time in the sun. They usually went with the intention of doing some work, but within minutes it would diverge into sunbathing or, in the case of himself and James most often, practicing Quidditch skills they thought they might implement during training for the Gryffindor team. However, at some point, usually as the sun was beginning to set, basking them in amber light, they would just talk to each other. Usually the topics were light and fun, things they had read about in the Daily Prophet that day, or who was seen snogging who in one of the broom closets. But sometimes, and increasingly more often as they got older, they would discuss things of a heavier subject matter. Preludes to the war began in their first few years at Hogwarts, and as it gained intensity, it made an impact on their lives even then. They worried as they read about disappearances of whole Muggle-Born families in the Daily Prophet, attacks on Squibs and other minorities in the Wizarding World became increasingly prevalent.</p><p>When James began dating Lily Evans in Seventh Year, their discussions became even more fraught with concern as she began spending more and more time with them as a group and Sirius, Remus and Peter watched on as James fell in love with her. They too found themselves keen for her company and were more than happy to have her join them at the Lake, or when it grew colder, in their unofficially-allocated corner of the Gryffindor Corridor. They ignored it for as long as they could, but eventually there was no denying the fact that Lily's blood status made her a target for pure-blood propaganda and attacks. Even while they were still at Hogwarts, cruel comments could be overheard in the Great Hall and the occasional appearance-altering spell would fly dangerously close to her head when she was walking through the corridors. James and Lily both spent most of Seventh Year with their hands clenched in fists; his from anger, hers from worry.</p><p>But when they went to the Lake, they all felt safe and it acted as an escape from their worries and problems for a few hours every time they went there. James and Lily would lie together on the nearby grass, talking quietly sometimes or else just feeling the security of the other's presence nearby in comfortable silence. Remus would sit close by, under the shade of one of the thick trees that grew so well close to the water, usually with a book in his hand. His elbows would prop themselves up on his knee, so that he could hold the book in his right hand and chew at the fingertips on his left. Peter usually started off by wading at the edge of the lake, squeezing the wet sand through his toes and finding smooth pebbles to skip. After a little while, he would lie close to Lily and James with his trousers still rolled up, drying his legs in the dying sunlight. As for himself, Sirius varied in his activities depending on his mood. Sometimes he'd join Remus and they'd sit side by side with their books, or else do their class work together, the sun highlighting leaf-shaped paragraphs in their textbooks as it shone through the boughs of the trees. Other times he'd enter into the water with Peter, less occupied with collecting water plants for the Herbology class he had dropped out of at the end of Second Year but Peter had continued with, and skipping rocks on the diamond-scattered lake surface, and spent more time splashing his unsuspecting friend. Most often, however, Sirius would climb one of the trees or perch himself on a large rock and would look out across the great lake at the castle he called home, the sounds of his friends talking and laughing about inconsequential things washing over him like a sweet wine.</p><p>This was the only time, particularly in his final year, when he allowed himself to think about the life he had left behind with his family. He caught sight of his younger brother regularly at meal times, sometimes they passed by one another in the corridors on their way to their respective classes, but they never so much as met one another's gaze. Sirius never worried that Regulus would confront him about his undignified exit from life with the Black family. Even his brother had thought Sirius worthy enough, he would always be too cowardly to actually come face to face with him. As for his parents, he hadn't heard a word from either of them since he left for the Potter house when he was sixteen, with the exception of a curtly-worded letter that had been waiting for Sirius when he arrived back at Hogwarts that following September. She was willing to give him a final chance at redemption, providing he rejected all aspects of the life he had built for himself, including his group of friends and returned to the house with a readiness to return to the old ways, namely, in Sirius' opinion, a passion for prejudice and characteristic cruelty. Sirius could only imagine her reaction when his reply, enclosed within a Hogwarts envelope with a signature crimson seal, never arrived at Black Manor.</p><p>Sirius stumbled slightly on the uneven cobbles of the courtyard, and felt his breathing come in frantic pants. He had, without realising it, come upon Hogwarts and he quickly wiped all thoughts of his family from his mind. He needed, more than anything, to have a clear head going into this meeting if he were to come out the other side with any clarification and, hopefully, more power than he currently possessed. As he crossed the courtyard, he glanced back briefly at the Black Lake, where the blue-tinted sun was finally pushing through the grim morning light and bathing the water in a silver glow. Morning was finally there, and there was more than one new beginning waiting for Sirius on the other side of that horrendous night.</p><p>His heeled boots echoed too loudly on the corridor floor as he navigated the eerily familiar route to the Headmaster's Office, walking past rooms he had once wiled away hours of his time inside. He halted suddenly as he passed the open doors of the Great Hall and gaped at the decorations inside. Presumably, the previous evening the room had been festively strung with Halloween fixtures, but now the students of the ancient school would wake to raven-black banners hung from the ceilings and the curtains fixed to the stained-glass windows drawn. Unfortunately, it was not the first time such decor had been implemented in the grand room of late, and in a brief moment of optimism, Sirius wondered if it might be the last. After all, wasn't the war over? At least, for now?</p><p>He forced himself to continue on through the castle, relentlessly trying to tear his mind away from the reason the morbid decorations were necessary, and hurrying so as to be concealed within the Headmaster's Office before any students rose from their beds and heard what had happened whilst they slumbered. As Sirius whirled around the corner leading to Gargoyle Corridor, the last stretch before he reached his destination, he heard mournful singing and gritted his teeth. Whether he did this out of anger, frustration or just pure grief, not even Sirius knew. He had heard the sound only a handful of times before, and had hated it as much then as he did now. It was the ghosts of the castle, joining together to mourn the loss of a human life, or lives as the case may now be, that they believed to have been important. They did not sing for everyone, and bitterly Sirius realised this was in their best interest. If they did, their voice would soon dry up to husky whispers. They would never stop singing. He knew that their song would have been heard frequently in the last year or so, as they tended to mourn people that the Headmaster or the long-serving Professors at Hogwarts cared for. They knew, as well as anyone did, that the war did not look as though it was going to be won by their side. The Order was almost destroyed, with Dorcas Meadowes being the most recent loss. Voldemort had killed her personally, and his followers seemed to boast this as a sort of honour for poor Dorcas. Hardly any of the original members of the Order remained now, and the ghosts had presumably sung their funeral ballad for each of the fallen. He wondered if they sang for a longer time if more than one person perished at one time. Did they sing a different song for the survivors? Or did you matter once you had passed on? After all, of what importance is life to a dead thing?</p><p>After taking a deep breath, Sirius catapulted himself around the corner and took off at a strange half-sprint in a bid to avoid the wailing ghosts. The sound cut off as they caught sight of him, and he thought he saw a woman in a blood-spattered gown open her mouth as though to call out to him. Sirius left her no chance, and continued on, right through their sickly white bodies and out the other side, shuddering as the squirming cold shot through his own body. He made it to the staircase leading up to the office and spat out the password that had been delivered with the owl that had called him to this meeting only hours ago to the guarding gargoyle. The creature seemed to leap aside more eagerly than Sirius had ever seen it do before on his many visits to this part of the castle during his mischief-filled years at the school. He wouldn't be surprised if even the stonework was interested in hearing what he had to say about the events of the night and prepared himself for the eavesdropping figures pretending to sleep in the portraits of previous Headmasters of Hogwarts. Sirius stifled a groan as he recalled the image of his own Great-Great-Grandfather that had so often scolded him as he entered the Office, for once again disgracing the name of Black.</p><p>Suddenly exhausted as the weight of the previous night hit him, Sirius climbed the spiral staircase leading to the large circular room slowly, taking each step one at a time. The first thing that struck Sirius upon entering the office was the immense quiet that cloaked the office. Every time he had entered this room before, it had been alive with noise from all the varying silver instruments that littered the room, and the chattering or snoring that was emitted from each Headmaster's portrait. Reluctantly, Sirius glanced up and, for the first time, saw that each figure was awake and seemed to be waiting for something. He began to worry, as they all turned toward the noise his entrance had made, that the thing they were waiting for may have just walked through the door.</p><p>"There he is!" One wizard cried, leaning so far forward in his wide tartan armchair that he looked as though he might fall right through the frame and land on the dusty embroidered rug.</p><p>"Who is it?" Another called out croakily, which gave Sirius the impression that perhaps he had been wrong when he assumed that all of the Headmaster's had been awake.</p><p>"Why, that's Sirius Black! Do you not recognise him? He used to be quite the frequent visitor to this part of the castle." Another chuckled, the sound grating on Sirius' nerves. "Always in trouble for something, they were. Him and his three friends of course."</p><p>"What year group?" Someone else demanded.</p><p>"Class of 1977."</p><p>"What did you say his name was again?"</p><p>"Black, Sirius Black."</p><p>"Black? As in-..."</p><p>"TRAITOR, TRAITOR TO THE NAME." Screeched one voice, far louder than the rest. Sirius sighed and turned to look at his ancestor's portrait. "First he was a trouble-maker, then he was a rebel and then he was a traitor. We thought he could stoop no lower, and look at him now as he stands so brazenly before us... MURDERER."</p><p>"I'm no murderer." Sirius replied lowly. "I was nowhere near that house, I had no knowledge of these events and neither do you." Phineas Nigellus Black opened his mouth as though he were preparing to continue his defamatory cries, but the sound of a small cough from behind Sirius silenced both Blacks.</p><p>Sirius' eyes fell upon the current Headmaster, standing behind his large desk, dressed in black robes. He smiled kindly at Sirius first, and then raised his hand to the portraits that encircled the room and said softly, "Enough. We shall first hear what Sirius has to say before passing any judgements."</p><p>"Pardon me, Professor," Sirius said stonily. "But I did not realise that I was on trial. I'm not prepared to defend myself."</p><p>"I don't expect you to, Sirius." Dumbledore smiled. "It is, after all, not customary for a man called to act as a witness at a murder trial to declare his own innocence to the court."</p><p>"You know I had no part in this then?"</p><p>"Of course I do. But please, first, let's have a seat and a drink." Sirius nodded swiftly and moved to sit down opposite Dumbledore at the desk. He waited in silence as Dumbledore poured two tumblers of Firewhisky. When he had replaced the decanter back in its proper place on the small table beside the desk he raised his glass and appraised Sirius over his half-moon spectacles. "To those we have lost." He toasted simply.</p><p>Sirius lifted his own drink and met Dumbledore's gaze. "To dear friends." He echoed and emptied his glass as a flicker of a sad smile flashed across Dumbledore's lips, concealed as they were beneath his silvery beard.</p><p>"How are you, Sirius?"</p><p>Sirius repressed a morbid chuckle and instead replied. "I'm not sure that I was expecting that to be the first question you asked me this morning, Professor."</p><p>"No, I don't doubt it." Dumbledore replied, refilling Sirius' glass with a flick of his wrist. Sirius looked on enviously. While he had mastered the skill on non-verbal skills some time ago, he was only able to perform them with the utmost concentration, and even then he was only able to do it with certain spells. On the other hand, he had seen Dumbledore, on more than one occasion, perform spells without even moving, something just seemed to flash in his eyes and the task was performed. As if, Sirius wryly thought, recalling one of Lily's favourite Muggle sayings, by magic. "I can't imagine the pain you're in at this moment, and so I deeply thank you for agreeing to meet with me so early in the grieving process." Dumbledore continued on, without noticing Sirius' lack of focus. "I assure you, it is of the utmost importance."</p><p>"Remus thought it was a trap." Sirius admitted, smirking a little. "He was convinced that I'd be carted off to Azkaban the minute I walked through the door."</p><p>"It saddens me to hear that Mr Lupin has such little faith in me. I have always promised to let members of the Order of the Phoenix explain themselves before there are any repercussions for their actions. And I have always sworn to put the Order before anything else, even, to the dear Minister's chagrin, the Ministry of Magic. Besides, I know as well as you do that you're innocent in all of this. You have nothing to fear... in regards to me at least."</p><p>Sirius scoffed as he took a sip of his drink, enjoying, for once, the way it seared his throat, as it acted as a distraction for the pain he felt elsewhere. "It's everyone else I'm worried about." He assured Dumbledore darkly.</p><p>"We'll get to that, but I'm sure you'll have minimal problems there too." Dumbledore dismissed the thought with a wave of his hand. "As for now, we must discuss the most important thing."</p><p>"What would that be?"</p><p>"Harry. Is he alright?"</p><p>Sirius sighed and sank lower in his chair, all of the joking that he had been using to mask the emotional strain of the last few hours left behind. "He's as well as can be expected, I suppose. Bad cut on his forehead but apart from that, not physically hurt." He muttered, tracing the rim of his glass with the tip of his index finger.</p><p>"And otherwise?"</p><p>"He's only one. He has no idea they're even gone." Sirius snapped angrily. "He won't remember them, not really. But he'll miss them, when he's old enough to understand, I'm sure."</p><p>"Sirius, I can't fully express how dreadfully sorry I am for your loss." Dumbeldore shook his head regretfully. "Not only through the passing of-..."</p><p>"Murders."</p><p>"Pardon me?"</p><p>"They didn't pass away, Professor. They didn't just die. That makes it sound like they were sick or old or doing something stupid. I didn't lose them, but it is a loss. They were taken from me, from all of us. From their son, from Harry."</p><p>"You're right. Lily and James were murdered, in cold blood, by Lord Voldemort. But you didn't just lose them tonight."</p><p>"What do you mean?" Sirius' blood ran cold. Who else? Who else had been killed? Who else would he never see again? Never even be able to say goodbye?</p><p>"Surely you've worked out by now that the reason Lily and James are dead is because someone, someone that knew where they were and how to reach them, passed information to Lord Voldemort, either directly or through his followers."</p><p>Sirius shook his head. "No..." He said firmly, his hands beginning to shake. In truth, he had been so focused first on his grief, and then on insisting upon his own innocence that he was yet to contemplate who the guilty party actually was.</p><p>"We both know that their secret keeper was recently changed, Sirius." Dumbledore pressed gently.</p><p>"Peter wouldn't-..."</p><p>"He must have done." Dumbledore interrupted, not willing to waste any more time. "I know it hurts to consider this fact, but it must be done for the sake of the innocents. No one else had the specific information required by Lord Voldemort in order for him to access James and Lily Potter last night. The Ministry is already looking for him. They were initially suspicious of both yourself and Remus Lupin, as well as other members of the Order but I pointed them in the correct direction. I suspect they'll apprehend him soon, if not Voldemort as well."</p><p>"But he-..."</p><p>"Sirius, the only other people it could have been are yourself and Remus, and that's only if Peter told either of you the information first. Now, either the information was given willingly or it was tortured out of the giver, and neither of you have been tortured. What other conclusion could I come to?"</p><p>"He could have been cursed." Sirius insisted. "The Imperius Curse is the obvious answer, surely. It has to be."</p><p>"That was my first thought also, but I already checked. You know the Ministry monitors these things even if they do not, alas, always act on what they note. The Imperius Curse has not been used in Great Britain since Bellatrix Lestrange performed it on Alice and Frank Longbottom several weeks ago. Out of interest, she has been imprisoned for the last few days."</p><p>"About time." Sirius muttered.</p><p>"I understand she's a relative of yours, Sirius."</p><p>"Makes no difference, you know I have no connection to this. You must know that."</p><p>"Of course I do, but I wouldn't be surprised if that news struck something within you. A fond childhood memory, perhaps."</p><p>"Certainly not." Snorted Sirius. "Bella was always vile, to everyone except her own sisters, and even then that only lasted while they abided by her rules. The minute Andromeda met Ted Tonks, Bella turned on her. Anyway, none of that matters right now. With the exception of Andromeda, I've had nothing to do with any member of my family for five years. I couldn't care less where Bellatrix is, I only care what she's done and for that I say she deserves worse than Azkaban."</p><p>Dumbledore nodded subtly and took another sip of his drink. "As I was saying... The only Unforgivable Curse that has been used in the last three days were the ones that killed Lily and James, and curiously, seem to have done nothing to their son."</p><p>"So Pettigrew is definitely the traitor then? He's the one that gave them away?"</p><p>"I think that judging by your use of his surname that we have both come to that conclusion."</p><p>Sirius nodded sharply and sat up straighter in his chair. "Right then, so what do we do?"</p><p>"Well obviously the first priority is to find Peter, not least of all to keep Harry safe."</p><p>"Harry?"</p><p>"If Voldemort has decided that the boy must die, Sirius, you must know that he will stop at nothing in order to make sure that happens. If he is no longer able to complete the task, his followers will have strict orders to make it happen without him."</p><p>Sirius narrowed his eyes. "So you think that Pettigrew was actually a follower of him then? He was on the other side the whole time? It wasn't an accident or a case of torture? It wasn't, I don't know... a one-off or something?"</p><p>"I think the fact that he is on the run speaks for itself." Sighed Dumbledore. "If he thought he could talk his way out of this or explain it, or even find an excuse for his behaviour, then I'm certain he would have stayed to try and defend himself. Peter has always been shy and uncommonly timid for someone sorted into the Gryffindor house. I have often thought it was his close friendship with the three of you that made him commit brave acts, such as joining the Order and fighting against Voldemort. But the moment that bond was broken, perhaps out of his own fear of Voldemort and the idea of a life after his succession that forced Peter into this betrayal."</p><p>"No... He wasn't forced to do anything." Sirius said decidedly. "If he loved us all as much as he claimed he did, if he was as loyal as he was supposed to be then he would have died, died rather than betray us. Because of him James and Lily Potter are dead and their son is orphaned. I won't ever forgive him for that."</p><p>"Precisely, but I fear that if Peter is not apprehended soon then that orphan will also perish."</p><p>"They won't find him." Sirius realised suddenly. "Pettigrew," He clarified, noticing Dumbledore's confused expression. "They won't apprehend him, they won't track him down, Professor."</p><p>"What makes you say that?"</p><p>"Because he won't look like him anymore."</p><p>"You mean he will have taken Polyjuice Potion? You think he's capable of brewing such a potion? Or he's had it done for him and it's been brewing for the last month? Who do you think he will be masquerading as?"</p><p>"No I don't mean that. Professor, before I tell you this, I need you to understand that if this is revealed to anybody outside of this room, Harry will be left without anybody who loves him. There will be nobody to care about him. I need you to promise me that despite what I'm about to tell you being of interest to the Ministry, you will keep it to yourself until we figure something out."</p><p>Dumbledore considered this for a moment before nodding. "Very well, but only out of consideration for the child."</p><p>"Peter Pettigrew is an illegal, unregistered animagus. His form is a rat, a skinny grey rat. An ordinary rat, not unlike the thousands that live within the walls of this castle, or hide in country fields or skirt around the dark corners of cities. He could be anywhere, they will not find him until he wants to be found."</p><p>Dumbledore smirked knowingly. "And you know this because..."</p><p>"Because James Potter was one too. His form was a Stag."</p><p>"And..."</p><p>"And because I'm one too. Dog."</p><p>"Ah. I gathered as much. Tell me, this all stemmed from Mr Lupin's particular ailment?"</p><p>"It was the way we managed to stay with him and communicate with him during his transformations without getting hurt. It's the reason we have the most detentions for missed classes than any other students in the history of Hogwarts."</p><p>"I see."</p><p>"Professor I-..."</p><p>"Sirius, it might amuse you to know that Professor McGonnagal has just won a rather long-running bet. Professor Sprout thought perhaps you wore some kind of garment to show the werewolf that you were not human, while Professor Flitwick refused to believe you'd be stupid enough to spend time with a werewolf when it was in its transformed state at all. Personally, I favoured the idea that you used a particular kind of voice-changing sweet from Honeydukes to trick the wolf with your sounds. Oh Minerva will be pleased."</p><p>"You're not angry?"</p><p>"If I had found out the truth when you were fifteen years old and still under my duty of care I might have been... but as it is, I'm rather impressed."</p><p>"Even though it's going to make finding Pettigrew so much harder?"</p><p>"Well yes, there is that. You know, if I thought telling the Ministry about your secret would help matters, I might be tempted to divulge it. However, the Ministry will not be aided in their apprehension of Pettigrew any more by having this information, and as you previously mentioned, it would leave Harry quite alone. Mr Lupin's knowledge of the illegality of the transformative properties you possess would leave him vulnerable to arrest also, and since the Ministry already has some rather backward views towards his kind... I'm reluctant to bring any attention to him."</p><p>"So what do we do?"</p><p>"For now, we find a new normality. You, as Harry's legal guardian in the event of the death of his parents, will take the child and look after him. If for any reason you decide you don't want him-..."</p><p>"I want him. I don't need to hear the other option. I'll look after him, I'll raise him. He's not going to anyone else, especially not Petunia."</p><p>"I thought you might say that. Very well. Although I do suggest you allow her to watch him on the day of the funeral, in case it is being watched. Harry cannot attend under any circumstances and if you are also missing it will leave you vulnerable to being traced by Voldemort's followers. Pettigrew of course knows you're Harry's godfather, but perhaps he'll assume the child went to his godmother, i.e. Petunia which would at least take the attention off of you until you can find a safe and stable place to raise Harry. In the meantime, I will conduct my own search for Pettigrew along with the help of Order members that can be trusted, which will be separate from that which the Ministry is conducting. With any luck, Pettigrew will be behind bars within a matter of months."</p><p>"And Harry?"</p><p>Dumbledore shrugged and smiled gently. "Look after him, care for him as you always have done. He has just lost his parents, and I really do believe you are the next best thing. I fear the child has a long and difficult road ahead of him, and the seriousness of what has happened may never stop affecting him."</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>Dumbledore hesitated for a moment, before rising from his desk and making his way across the room to the perch of Fawkes, his pet phoenix. The bird was nowhere to be seen, and Sirius could only assume it was elsewhere in the castle, perhaps keeping watch over the Great Hall as the students began to arrive for breakfast. "Do you know why I named it the Order of the Phoenix, Sirius?" Dumbledore asked suddenly, leaning lightly on the perch as he turned to look at Sirius.</p><p>"No." Sirius admitted. His lips curved upwards slightly as he recalled a previous conversation he'd had about it with his friends when they had first volunteered to join the Order. "Remus thought it was for purely aesthetic reasons, but James argued it was because you secretly thought we'd all crash and burn."</p><p>Dumbledore chuckled. "He really was one in a million." Sirius' heart panged at the use of the past tense but he bristled, knowing he would have to get used to it eventually. "But no. It is so named because," Dumbledore's long, aged fingers dug into the ash that sat in a mound at the base of the phoenix's perch, the remnants of its previous incarnation. "When it looks as though it is all over, and all hope is lost, that is the very moment when it once again rises from the ashes." He smoothed the ash with his fingertips, filling in the crater he had made. "Now, this means that while our hope for a better world, a world at peace, has been rekindled, so too does it mean that the object of our fighting will once again rise from the ashes. We must be ready to do the same when the time comes."</p><p>"And let me guess, when that time comes there's going to be a boy with a lightning-shaped scar on his forehead in our ranks, ready to do his part for the cause. Ready to avenge his parents?"</p><p>"How much involvement Harry has will be up to you as his guardian, of course. But know this... if you keep this from him, if you forbid him from learning the necessary things... Sirius, if you clip his wings, he won't ever be able to fly away. Do you understand?"</p><p>"He needs to know how to defend himself." Sirius conceded somewhat reluctantly, hating the truth that rang through Dumbledore's words.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Must it really come to that? I mean, can't we get there first? Finish Voldemort off before Harry ever has to face him? For months now that's what we've been working towards, why can't we seek him out now, while he's weak and make sure he never rises again?"</p><p>"Because that is not what the prophecy foretold. We could try, but it would be a waste of our energies and resources. Don't be fooled by any of this, Sirius. Yes, Voldemort was unable to kill Harry, and yes he has been severely weakened by his interaction with the boy. He might even, at this present moment, be close to death. But know this... Voldemort is still one of the most powerful wizards that our world has ever known. He will live, and he will return to his previous strength. He may even, one day, be more powerful than he has ever been. If he does not want to be found, he will not be found, just like you say Pettigrew won't be. We could search every possible hiding place from here to the ends of the earth, and he would still be able to creep up behind us and tap us on the shoulder. What will come, will come. It's inevitable. My advice would be to do the best you can to prepare yourself, and Harry, for it when it does come. Whether or not you take my advice, well that's up to you as his guardian."</p><p>"I understand."</p><p>"Good. For now, I suggest you return to Headquarters and get some rest. It's been quite the eventful night, and you no doubt have some things you'll want to deal with in private. I'll write to you in a few days with any updates and to see how Harry is. If you need anything in the meantime, you know how to reach me."</p><p>"Thank you, Professor." Sirius rose to leave, and as he reached the staircase, Dumbledore called out after him.</p><p>"Oh, and Sirius?"</p><p>"Yes?"</p><p>"I really am very sorry." Dumbledore said, his voice cracking and becoming barely more than a whisper. "They truly were two of the most wonderful people that I have ever known. I'll miss them greatly, and I wish this could be made easier for you."</p><p>Unable to thank his ex-Headmaster audibly, his voice stolen from him by sorrow, Sirius simply nodded and let himself out of the grand office. As he descended the stairs and found himself once again in Gargoyle Corridor, which was now, thankfully, free of singing ghosts, Sirius caught sight of a familiar witch at the end of the corridor. As she came hurrying towards him, her face a mask of concern, Sirius had to swallow back tears.</p><p>"Oh Sirius, there you are. How is Harry?" Asked Minerva McGonagall.</p><p>"He was sleeping when I left, he's with Remus now. Nasty cut on his forehead but apart from that he seems completely unharmed."</p><p>"So it's all true then, about Lily and James?"</p><p>"I'm afraid so."</p><p>Her hands flew to her face and she shook her head in disbelief. "Oh god... I can't believe they're gone. As for Harry, well I'm sure I don't need to tell you that it's completely unheard of for anyone, but for a baby to-..."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"And you're going to be his guardian then? You plan to raise him?"</p><p>"Of course, it's what they wanted." Sirius nodded firmly. "Remus will help out, I'm sure. I'll have support from our friends."</p><p>"I know, dear, but you're so young. Perhaps his aunt-..."</p><p>"No. He belongs with me."</p><p>"Right, of course... How did he come to you, Sirius? You didn't-..."</p><p>"I didn't even know it had happened until the Ministry official brought him to me." Sirius assured her. "It's an automatic system, I think, otherwise they might have waited until they knew for sure I wasn't involved. For once, I'm thankful for Ministry traditions and regulations. I wasn't there, I almost wish I had been. I hate the idea of someone else moving them, touching them. All of their things will have been destroyed or at least confiscated. I wish I could have saved something for Harry."</p><p>"He'll have plenty to remember them by, and perhaps it's for the best that nothing from the place where his parents perished will be passed down to him. Surely you have some of their things?"</p><p>"Some stuff they left at the Order," Sirius replied with a shrug. "And James had left his cloak with Remus to borrow so that's fine, we have that for Harry when he's older. There's the stuff in their safe at Gringotts of course but I don't know how all that's going to be handled since Harry's so young-..."</p><p>"My advice would be to not worry about it right away." She placed a supportive hand on his shoulder. "For now, I think you should go home, give the boy a hug and get some sleep. It's not like all of this is going to go away overnight, there'll be time enough to deal with it."</p><p>"Professor, I've been given my fair share of advice in the last couple of hours and I think that might be the best bit so far. I'm heading into Hogsmeade to apparate back to Headquarters now."</p><p>"Oh! How could I have forgotten! Sirius, that's the reason I came to find you. I've just received word from Moody, the Order has been temporarily disbanded and Headquarters is completely off-limits. There's a good chance it could be raided by any of Voldemort's followers that might still be clinging on for dear life."</p><p>"Off-limits? It can't be, I left Harry-..."</p><p>"With Remus, yes. Don't worry, dear. They're safe, along with the small amount of possessions the three of you had at Headquarters. All of the above have been shipped off to the Weasleys in Devon. You remember Arthur and Molly Weasley, I assume? They were great friends of the Order."</p><p>"Of course, Molly was Gideon and Fabian's sister."</p><p>"Ah, yes. I'd forgotten." She sniffed. "Oh, that was another sad day when we lost them. "</p><p>"Let's hope this is the last sad day we share, aye Professor?" Sirius attempted a weak smile and was pleased to see it returned.</p><p>"I hope the same thing every time, Sirius. Well, anyway, as usual they were more than happy to help, and Molly is already doting on Harry. She's just had baby number seven in August, you'd think she'd be well and truly over having babies around the house but no, she's cooing over him already."</p><p>"Well that's good, I suppose. They're expecting me?"</p><p>"They are, yes. Quite anxiously I suppose, everyone's wondering what Dumbledore has said to you and what the events of last night mean for the state of the war."</p><p>"Aren't you curious too?"</p><p>"Yes, but I'm on my way to see Professor Dumbledore now. He'll tell me what I need to know and what I can do to help on a professional level. On a different level, if you do need anything, you know for Harry, don't hesitate to write. You know my address, of course."</p><p>Sirius chuckled. "Of course. Thank you Professor."</p><p>"I think we're at the point now where it's quite alright for you to call me Minerva. We've been through enough together to warrant first names, don't you think?"</p><p>"Sure thing, Professor."</p><p>She smiled fondly and shook her head. "Some things never change. I'd show you a way to get back to Hogsmeade where you won't come across anyone, but I think you probably know an even sneakier way than I do. If I remember correctly, you know this castle like the back of your hand."</p><p>"As if I'd built it myself! I'll be going then, Professor. Thank you for everything."</p><p>"Goodbye, Sirius." She said and squeezed his forearm reassuringly. And then, when Sirius was about halfway down the corridor, she called out after him. "And good luck!"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. chapter two.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius felt himself propel forward as a sharp cracking noise announced his sudden arrival in the fields surrounding the Weasley residence. The house was only just in sight, hidden as it was behind a large and misshapen hill, and at first Sirius had to crane his neck to catch a glimpse of the house at all. A strange but familiar sensation washed over him as he took in its image, its windows softly aglow in the dawning light, having been illuminated likely several hours before, while it was still dark. The sign that Molly Weasley was bustling around, preparing for the day, while her family continued to sleep undisturbed, ready to awaken with the sun. It was a sight Sirius had seen many times before, usually as night was falling though, rather than being lifted. As he trod up the hill and over it, striding towards the Burrow on uneven ground, he thought of the way Hogwarts always looked when his class had returned from Care of Magical Creatures in the twilight hour, cold and miserable and ready for their dinners. The castle would be aglow, a beacon in the dark, and the moment they stepped inside its usually draughty halls, they would begin to warm up from the inside out. It was the same sensation that Sirius experienced during his summers with the Potters. Because the days were longer, it was always late before he and James would return home, but no matter the time, James’ mother Euphemia would always have left the front light on for them, something for dinner waiting on the table under a warming charm. Sirius swallowed the lump in his throat as he thought first of James, whose loss was still too fresh and painful to even be processed, and then of his beloved mother who they had lost several years before, only months apart from James’ father Fleamont. They had always treated Sirius like a son, and made sure that he was as loved and looked after as James was. Silently, Sirius promised to repay them by caring for Harry in exactly the same way. </p><p>As he reached the front gate, leading into the Burrow’s garden, a shadow shifted in the kitchen window and Molly’s silhouette soon flooded out of the front door and down the garden path. Sirius had barely taken three steps on the crunching gravel walkway before Molly had hurried down to meet him and had flung her arms around him, holding him tightly for a few moments. As much as he didn’t want to, Sirius forced himself to pull away, afraid that if he allowed himself to sink into her maternal embrace, that he might begin to cry. “Oh, my dear,” Molly whispered as she led him up the path and into the house. “We’ve been so worried about you. When the sun rose I began to worry you wouldn’t come today at all.”</p><p>“I was held up at the school.” Sirius mumbled an excuse, his eyes adjusting to the comfortable chaos of the Weasley kitchen, so vastly different to the desolate settings he had so far found himself within that morning, the empty fields being the most recent. Some of the Weasley children had clearly already surfaced, because breakfast bowls half-full of cereal that had been begun and then abandoned as something else drew their attention were floating towards the sink as it filled with water of its own accord. Sirius side-stepped a toy broom and a collection of pygmy puffs made out of brightly-coloured pom-poms, and smiled gently. It was nice to be inside a family home again, one that he was welcome in. “Where’s Harry? He asked Molly as she pressed a warm cup of tea into his hands and pressed down on his shoulder lightly until he lowered himself into one of the kitchen chairs. She remained upright, never standing still, tidying and cooking and organising as though her life depended on it. Her sanity and her nerve, Sirius realised, might very well do. </p><p>“Upstairs, fast asleep.” Molly replied. “We put him in Ron’s crib to sleep. He can have his naps down here or in Ginny’s crib in our room if needs be.”</p><p>“Okay, thanks Molly.” Sirius nodded, taking a welcome sip of piping hot tea. “And Remus?”</p><p>“Upstairs with Harry, he insisted on staying right by his side, just in case, which I quite understand after the night he’s had. Well, after the night all three of you have had... But I must admit, when I showed them to the room Remus looked like he was about to fall asleep where he stood. Much the same as you do actually. Feel free to take a kip on any of the beds in the house, whoever they belong to will just have to make other arrangements. You are guests here, and you get first pick of everything, no exceptions.”</p><p>“Molly, I really can’t thank you enough. We won’t encroach on your hospitality for long. I have a place set up for when Dumbledore gives the all-clear for us to move out of safe-housing.”</p><p>“Well as far as we’re concerned that all-clear could come tomorrow or in six months time, it makes no difference to us. You’re welcome here, all of you. We’re happy to have you. Arthur was very sorry to have missed your arrival, but he had to get to work. As you can imagine, there’s a lot going on at the Ministry after everything that happened last night. He’ll be home this evening, and I expect he’ll want to talk to you about everything. But as I said, we couldn’t be happier to have all three of you to stay. Besides, it’ll be nice for Harry to have some kids to play with since he’s spent these last few months cooped up indoors. If it hadn't been for his own protection it would have been cruel.”</p><p>“It was a necessary precaution, it wasn’t how they would have had things if they had a choice-…”</p><p>“I know dear, don’t worry, I know.” She assured him with a smile. “But still, we must see the bright side of things despite how horrific it has all been, don’t we. Now, it's the third floor, fourth door on the right excluding the slightly smaller door because if you go through that one you’ll end up in a cupboard full of Quidditch stuff and you might be crushed by it all, so try to avoid that, dear. Off you go!”</p><p>The climb up to Ron’s bedroom felt, to Sirius, as though it might never end. So tired were his legs that to lift them to each new ledge, Sirius had to put his hand on his thigh and physically propel himself forward. He knocked somewhat timidly at the door and was surprised to hear Remus call out to him. His friend was sitting in relative darkness, despite the morning light outside, because of the thick curtains that were hung over the windows. Remus was sitting cross-legged on the single bed that was positioned opposite the crib in the centre of the room, his hands clasped together under his chin. He was hunched over, staring at the sleeping infant tucked up in the crib. It was clear that he had recently been crying. The dim light that snuck through the cracks in the curtains highlighted the scars on his face that were raised, or carved out like etchings in marble, and as Sirius drew nearer he saw how they stood out, eerily white against his flushed face. His eyes were also lined with red and the dark colouring on the skin beneath them seemed even more violently purple, as if he were close to transformation. </p><p>“Hey.” Sirius said softly and sank down beside him, their shoulder barely brushing against one another. Just enough to reassure one another that they were both there. </p><p>“Hey.” Remus croaked in reply. </p><p>“Molly thought you might have fallen asleep.” Sirius said absently, leaning forward to examine Harry’s face. The cut had stopped bleeding, and someone, Molly, Sirius presumed, had cleaned it. It had obviously had a bandage on it at some point, because there was still some sticky adhesive surrounding the inflamed area, but it was now being allowed to breathe. Sirius could see the beginnings of a scab forming in a jagged shape and he felt sick to his stomach as he saw the innocent face it was carved into like love-struck initials into a tree trunk. Deep and meaningful, a pocket knife stolen from an older brother and time on young hands, but forgotten soon enough. Usually. Harry would never forget this, none of them would, and it certainly hadn’t come from a place of love.</p><p>“I feel like I should have.” Remus replied, rubbing his hands down his face and letting his head hang supported in them for a few moments. “In fact, it feels like I could sleep for a week. But somehow, I can’t seem to even close my eyes for a second. I can’t stop looking at him. I keep checking his breathing, and touching his arm. It’s like I’m checking that he’s actually still here.”</p><p>“I know what you mean,” Agreed Sirius, dragging his eyes away from Harry to look at his friend instead. “But he is.” He assured Remus, brushing his shoulder against his. “He’s really here, he’s really alive. All three of us are. Though God knows how. McGonnagal could barely believe it.”</p><p>Remus lifted his head and looked at Sirius with more interest. “What did Dumbledore have to say about it all?”</p><p>Sirius hesitated and then stood, walking over to the window to peek out behind the curtains that were keeping the day’s light out as if to check the time. Then he wandered away again and pulled his shirt off and began unbuckling his belt, trying to make it clear that he was getting ready for bed. “We’ll talk about it after we’ve slept. It’s too much to deal with right now.”</p><p>“Alright. Have you heard from Peter? Does he know what’s happened?”</p><p>Sirius froze, his hands falling away from his boot as he took it off and turned his face away, unable to look at Remus. Instead, he moved towards Harry’s crib, leaning on the bars to look at the baby. “He knows.” He said quietly, his voice hard and unfeeling. </p><p>Remus furrowed his brow and folded his arms over his chest. “Well… Is he on his way?”</p><p>Sirius dropped his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “Moony…” He whispered painfully.</p><p>“What?” His friend stood, walking over to the crib too and taking up residence on the other side of it so that the two men were forced to look at one another.</p><p>Sirius sighed, as though mustering his strength, before saying, “You know how I told you that I had nothing to do with their murder because I wasn’t the secret keeper anymore, someone else was?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“It’s because I convinced James to make Peter their secret-keeper. I thought he was a more unlikely suspect for the Death Eaters. But all it did was give all of the important information directly into the hands of the one person that Voldemort had already got to.”</p><p>“Peter?” Remus repeated dumbly.</p><p>“Yes, Remus.”</p><p>“Peter Pettigrew?” He said again, his voice rising. Harry stirred at the sound but did not wake. Sirius heard a creak outside of their bedroom door and wondered which Weasley was listening in, alarmed by the volume of Remus’ voice when, up until that point, he had been silent. “Wormtail? Our Wormtail?”</p><p>“Stop…” Sirius pleaded and sent a pointed look down at Harry to quieten Remus. “Yes it was him.”</p><p>“Our friend?” Whimpered Remus, moving away from the crib and sinking back down onto the bed. His legs would support him no longer.</p><p>“Not anymore.” Sirius replied jaggedly, reaching down to stroke Harry’s tufty hair, smoothing it away from the cut on his forehead. </p><p>“Oh my god, you’re serious about this.” Remus said solemnly, back to his normal tone, despite how incredulous he thought what Sirius had told him was.</p><p>“I wish I wasn’t, believe me. This last God-knows-how-many hours have been a nightmare, all of my worst fears have been realised.”</p><p>A strained silence fell over them for several minutes as they both lost themselves in their own thoughts, replaying the events of the last few days and realising the magnitude of what had happened and what they would now be expected to undertake. Their loss still ringing through them in a way they still were not fully able to comprehend. Finally Remus murmured his friend's name, letting it hang in the air between them like a peace-offering. </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“What are we going to do?”</p><p>“Well, first we’re going to get some sleep. Then, when we wake up, we’re going to get something to eat. And then… we’re going to do everything else.”</p><p>Remus chuckled darkly. “Sounds like a plan.” He glanced back over at Harry and then let his eyes fall on Sirius and the way he was watching his godson sleep. “He’s yours now then?”</p><p>Sirius sighed. “As much as he can be.”</p><p>“So, I guess this is the first day of the rest of our lives, right?”</p><p>“I guess so.”</p><p>“And the rest of his… Let’s make it as good as the first bit was, hey?”</p><p>“Sounds like a plan.” Repeated Sirius, smiling for the first time in what felt like weeks.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Sirius groggily woke hours later, and his only judgment of the time was the fact that it was now dark outside. Whether it was early that same evening or the wee hours of the next morning, he had no way of telling. His eyes then fell first on a jar of floating blue light that clearly usually acted as a nightlight for the second youngest Weasley child, Ron, the usual inhabiter of this room, which was currently illuminating the face of Sirius’ godson. Harry was peering out over the bars of the crib and staring at the only familiar things in the room; Sirius and Remus. </p><p>“Hey there, mate.” Sirius whispered, and smiled when he heard Harry gurgle happily in response. Sirius stood, repressing a groan as his aching limbs protested and stiffly made his way towards the crib where he stooped down and lifted Harry up and into his arms. It felt good to hold him, to feel his safe, solid weight against his chest. The moment he breathed in Harry’s familiar scent, Sirius’ heartbeat slowed and he felt comforted. The last time he had held him, Harry’s face had been wet from his godfather’s tears, and he had stared around the room in confusion, seeking out his parents in the room full of weeping strangers. “Let’s go for a walk.” Sirius said into Harry’s ear and edged his way out of the room as quietly as possible, so as not to wake up Remus. On this way out he grabbed a jumper from the cardboard box in the corner of the room that held the few things that they had left at Headquarters and wrapped it around Harry as they went, with the intention of putting it on himself once they got outside.</p><p>Navigating the Burrow at night was not an easy task as the house made no logical sense. There had been so many adaptations and additions since Arthur and Molly had first built the place in the early days of their young marriage, that the corridors led in all different directions and even locating the stairs was tricky. Ginny’s bedroom was the only room on the first floor, but she was still too young to sleep by herself, hence Ron’s current ownership of the bedroom. As each child had been born, the ones older than the new arrival were shifted up a floor. Sirius vaguely recalled, from previous visits to the Burrow, that the twins shared a bedroom on the floor above Ron’s room, with Percy also taking up residence along the hallway from his younger brothers. Traditionally, Ron would also have moved onto this floor when Ginny was born in August, but Percy had refused to move and so Ron had ended up staying in Ginny’s room, until he was old enough to move up to the attic bedroom by himself on the fifth floor, which would not be for several years, at which time Ginny would move out of their parent’s room and into Ron’s. Bill and Charlie shared a bedroom on the narrow third floor, and their parents were directly above them on the fourth floor in a room that they shared with Ginny and, for the duration of Harry’s stay, Ron. </p><p>Finally, Sirius found his way to the kitchen and slipped out of the doorway leading into the back garden. It was a cold and crisp night, not unlike the one that had preceded it, and Sirius had to wipe away condensation on the concrete steps leading down to the grass before he sat down on them, placing Harry beside him for a moment while he pulled the jumper on over his head and then nestling the baby in his arms, the warmth of the jumper reaching them both. For a few minutes Sirius just held Harry, rocking his gently as he looked up at the stars, unusually visible for the time of year, searching for the constellations he had accidentally memorised through studying for Astronomy exams during his time at Hogwarts. Harry twisted a little in Sirius’ arms and reached up to play with the silver necklaces that hung around his godfather’s neck, enjoying the way they jangled and glinted in the faint light coming from the kitchen. Each of them had been a gift. A star from Euphemia Potter, James’ mother on his arrival for his second summer living with them. A lion’s paw print from Lily for his birthday in Seventh Year. A pair of antlers from James himself for a different birthday, the first after they had successfully become animagi, to accompany the moon that Remus had also given him that year. Sirius froze as he realised that they had come in a trio and took a moment to untangle the chains, searching for the curled piece of silver, supposed to resemble a rat tail. This particular necklace he removed, balling it in his fist and then hurled it as far as he could into the long, untamed grass, hoping to never see it again. </p><p>He moved Harry completely around in his lap so that the baby was looking into his eyes and said sensibly, “Now listen, things are going to be pretty different from now on, okay? Not bad, just different. We’ll figure it out. Okay? Together.”</p><p>Inside of the house, someone entered the kitchen and more yellow light streamed out of the windows, bathing the already frost-covered tips of the grass in its warm glow. Sirius smiled weakly as he traced the outlines of the houseplants on the kitchen windowsill, and then his own silhouette, complete with Harry’s arms hanging over either side of his torso, in the shadows cast by the light. </p><p>“You’ve already got the hang of it, then?” A kind voice sounded from behind Sirius, making him jump, even though he had known someone was in the kitchen. He had not quite been expecting said person to walk out and join him in his contemplative solitude. He hadn’t even known that they would be able to see him. Quickly, he wiped his face with the sleeve of his jumper and twisted to see Molly walking out of the kitchen door, swinging Ginny gently in her arms. </p><p>“The hang of it?” He repeated, his brow furrowing in confusion. Harry protested a little to Sirius shifting over to make room for Molly on the brick steps and climbed up onto his feet, bouncing on Sirius’ thighs and balancing himself by pulling on the neck of his godfather’s jumper. </p><p>“The night air, it soothes them.” Molly explained. “Usually when they’re fussing at night it’s just because they’ve gotten too warm or the air in their room is too stuffy. The cool breeze, just on their face and their hands, it calms them right down.”</p><p>“He wasn’t fussing, just awake. But thanks Molly, I’ll try to remember that. That and every other thing I’ve ever heard about raising children. Lily and James made it look so easy.” Sirius said, somewhat regretfully. “Either that, or Harry’s just the most relaxed kid of all time. Actually, that could work in my favour.” Guilt replaced regret, bubbling up inside of him. Maybe it hadn’t been as easy as Sirius had always assumed it had been for them. He knew having children and looking after them was hard, but Harry was always so happy when he was around his parents and their friends. Sirius had rarely even seen the baby cry. Now he wondered if maybe he just hadn’t been paying enough attention, and James and Lily had actually been struggling. Sirius realised suddenly that, as young and inexperienced as he felt, they had felt this way for nearly two years, and the responsibility of having Harry had fallen on them so much harder than it had for Sirius. But you had each other… Sirius thought sadly. He was all alone. </p><p>“You’re going to be okay, Sirius.” Molly said assuringly, as if she were able to read his thoughts. She reached across and first put a comforting hand on Sirius’ knee, and then ran it down Harry’s back, smoothing out the wrinkles in his pyjamas. “I know it’s overwhelming, and you’re dealing with your grief on top of having a baby to look after… but it’s been done before by people a lot weaker than you.” </p><p>Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but shut it as soon as his eyes fell upon her face. Molly was bent over her daughter, smoothing the infant’s amber hair, which, if she were anything like her older brothers, would soon develop into a strong fire-house red. Molly was smiling softly at the baby, but in her eyes Sirius could tell she was somewhere completely different. Another time, another baby. Two babies. Sirius remembered the funeral, the twins were only a few months old when Molly’s brothers were killed fighting alongside Sirius and James and every other Order member on that particular mission. “You’re the strongest person I know, Molly.” Sirius told her genuinely. </p><p>She looked over at him in surprise before her face broke into a sorrowful smile. “I wasn’t always. Losing my brothers really changed me. Before it happened, I felt underprepared for everything. Arthur and I married only a few months after we left Hogwarts and then Bill was born a few months after that. I always felt like I started life too early, I wasn’t quite ready for it all.”</p><p>“You always seemed so in control.” Sirius said, a little amazed that the red-headed girl he had first met in the early days of the Order, the younger sister of Gideon and Fabian, who Sirius and the other Marauders idolised so much, had ever been anything other than fearless. It had always appeared that she approached motherhood in the same way she approached the topics discussed at Order dinners, which she and her young family had attended regularly in the lead-up to Gideon and Fabian’s deaths. Molly Weasley could hold a conversation with anyone, in any room, and had even taken on Dumbledore a handful of times, seamlessly reminding him why the hat had sorted her so readily into Gryffindor House. She would keep up these conversations whilst serving up a meal that she had prepared by herself, and still be aware of when one of her, then, three boys was acting up and put them back in their place. </p><p>“I didn’t feel in control,” Molly admitted. “But I was good at pretending I was. It was my way of holding my own, especially when we were around your lot. I’ve spent my whole life surrounded by boys, from growing up with my brothers to now having six sons. The Order’s gender diversity wasn’t that flash either. I felt like I needed to prove myself and show that I was just as keen to be a part of the Order as anyone else was, even though I had the boys. Obviously we couldn’t officially join because of Arthur’s job and because we did have the boys, but I wanted to prove how important it was to us anyway. And I wanted to help my brothers.”</p><p>“You did Molly, you did help. There were times when we relied on you for sustenance because the food deliveries were intercepted. And your visits were always looked forward to by everyone, and not only because we all doted on Bill, Charlie and Percy, and then the twins when they came along.”</p><p>“Well anyway.” Molly blushed. “After the mission where my brothers were killed, I spent months being terrified of every noise, convinced that any moment there would be Death Eaters at the door and the only thing standing between them and my children would be me, and who am I to fight off those kind of people?”</p><p>Sirius lowered his gaze, recalling the way she had looked at the funeral. Exhausted and pale, as though she hadn’t slept in months. Her children clinging to her long black dress, a baby in each arm, one tugging at her hair. Her mask had slipped, her guise had faltered. Even her children could tell that their mother was different, and her fear scared them in return. Sirius recalled the way that, every time he had seen the Weasleys over the following months, which was a lot less than when Molly’s brothers had served with the Order, the children panicked if Molly was ever out of their sight, as if all sense of security had left them. Or perhaps they were worried for her, and thought that if they stayed close to her they could protect her, and stop what had sent their uncles to sleep forever from getting to their beloved mother too. </p><p>“How did you get over it?” He asked, feeling stupid as soon as the words came out of his mouth. If she had felt half as awful when her brothers had died as Sirius did at this moment, he felt certain that there would have been no getting over it. </p><p>To his surprise however, Molly did not voice these thoughts. Instead she smiled and turned her head to look up at one of the upstairs windows, which was still cased in darkness. Remus had not awakened. “Funnily enough, given the person sleeping in Ginny’s room as we speak, it was a wolf.”</p><p>“A wolf? A wolf helped you get over your grief?”</p><p>“Not my grief, dear. Not my fear of dying... my fear of living.” She clarified. “And it wasn’t a werewolf either, just an ordinary wolf that found its way into the back garden from the woods a few miles that way.” She pointed over the hills, and Sirius craned his neck and was able to glimpse the broccoli-shaped tops of the woodland trees. “Arthur was at work, Bill and Charlie were upstairs and my four youngest boys were all playing in the back garden. I was in the kitchen, I was still pregnant with Ginny, when I heard Percy crying out for me. When I got outside I saw the twins up in the tree, dangling from the branches and Percy standing near the shed, his face pale as anything. Then I saw Ron, barely a year old, sitting in the middle of the grass, just there,” She pointed to a space in the centre of the garden and Sirius noticed that her hand was shaking. “Chewing his fist, directly in the line of sight of the approaching creature.” Molly continued, her voice wobbling and Sirius feared she might begin to cry. “Without even thinking I jumped in front of the wolf, picked up my son and began to kick my legs out at it. I scared it off and it ran away, and all seven of my children are alive and well. It made me realise that in order to protect the people you love, you don’t have to be the strongest person in the world, or the fastest or the cleverest. You just have to love them more than you love yourself.”</p><p>“Molly?”</p><p>“Hmm?” She replied absently, rocking the baby back and forth.</p><p>“Would you take him? Harry, would you take him and look after him?”</p><p>“For how long, dear?”</p><p>“Forever.” Sirius whispered, though the very word felt like a dagger through his heart. “Adopt him, raise him as your own with the others.”</p><p>Molly’s brow furrowed and she froze. “I don’t understand, I thought you wanted him.”</p><p>“I do, God-…” Sirius shook his head. “The idea of being separated from him for a single second makes me want to die but Molly, everyone I’ve spoken to since it happened has told me he would be better off elsewhere, and I didn’t want to believe them but-… I don’t know anything about raising kids. If he stays with me his life is going to go in the same direction mine has gone and I don’t want to be responsible for that. He deserves better. And I realise now that I love him enough to let him go. I have to think of him before I think about myself.”</p><p>“Oh Sirius. You think you don’t know anything about parenting, but you’ve already got it figured out.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“The only thing a child really needs is love, and clearly you’ve got that in abundance. You’ve already realised the only other thing you need to do, which is to put his needs and feelings above your own.”</p><p>“It can’t be that easy.”</p><p>“Well no, of course not. Nothing is that easy. But if you’ve got that as your foundation, you can’t go too far wrong.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. chapter three.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I can’t believe the Order’s been disbanded.” Sirius shook his head the next morning as he paced the small room he, Remus and Harry were sharing. “I bet Moody thought he’d see the inside of a coffin before he ever saw the day that we could stop fighting.”</p><p>“He got a bit choked up about it actually, when he told us.” Remus replied. “Though he had just finished talking about the loss of-… Anyway, we all said our goodbyes pretty quickly and everyone split off in different directions. Who knows how long it’ll be before we’re all in the same room again.”</p><p>“Mary went too?”</p><p>Remus nodded, avoiding Sirius’ gaze. “To her parent’s house. She was a bit nervous to face them, you know they never wanted her to join up, and she hasn’t spoken to them in months because of it. But she’ll be fine. She understood where my loyalties lie and why I couldn't go with her. We worked all of that stuff out months ago, we both knew it would come eventually. It was an inevitable breakdown.”</p><p>“You couldn't hurt her if you tried, Moony. You don’t have it in you, even in your transformed state. Besides, I wouldn’t let you even if you tried, you know I wouldn’t.”</p><p>“I’m not going through this again.” Remus sighed, standing up and moving toward the window. “It was hard enough telling Mary that we had to end things without me having to go through it with you again and again.”</p><p>“I know that you love her, I don’t know why you don’t just admit it.” Sirius shook his head and rebalanced Harry on his lap.</p><p>“I did admit it,” Remus snapped, whirling around to face him. “That was the problem.”</p><p>“You-… Hang on, you told Mary that you loved her?”</p><p>“Many times.” Remus nodded. “Just because we didn’t flaunt it all over Headquarters doesn’t mean it didn’t exist. We loved each other, and that’s why I had to end things. When we started out, I thought I could keep things casual, keep them under control. But when it got to that stage I knew I had to end it. I couldn’t endanger her like that.”</p><p>“You-…” Sirius began, reiterating what he had already said but Remus cut him off before he could say it aloud.</p><p>“Okay, say I didn’t hurt her. Say we were able to live with it, and we grew up and got married and kept loving each other.” Tears were prickling the back of his eyes now. “Eventually we’d have children, and I would pass this thing down and it would be the cruelest thing that I ever did, to the child and to Mary.”</p><p>“You don’t know what would have happened.” Muttered Sirius.</p><p>“And now I never will.” Remus slung himself back into his chair. “I’ll probably never even see her again.”</p><p>“It doesn’t have to be that way. You could track her down easily, go out and find her right now and tell her you made a mistake.”</p><p>“Sirius, she’s accepted it. She’s moving on, she’s happy. I won’t take that away from her. Besides, I can’t leave you and Harry right now, and she knew that too. When Moody told us the Order had disbanded, the first thing Mary said to me was ‘you need to be with Sirius right now, don’t you?’ And that was it. No fussy goodbyes, no tears or passionate promises. Just acceptance.”</p><p>“Ooh how romantic.” Sirius rolled his eyes.</p><p>“I’m not destined for romance, we’ve known that for a long time, Padfoot.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>November was built up of many things.</p><p>November was copies of the Daily Prophet, which arrived like clockwork every morning, quickly shuffled away by whoever was closest to hide the headlines. This never lasted long, and Sirius and Remus would seek the newspapers out and read them together, pouring over every word in the hope that they would be able to garner some clue about the whereabouts of the other members of the Order of the Phoenix, or a lead about what had happened to Voldemort. Was Dumbledore right? Would he rise again and come after Harry, or had his own spell been powerful enough to kill him?</p><p>November was the tired grey face of Arthur Weasley, arriving home from his long days at the Ministry and reluctantly handing letters to Sirius with an apologetic look on his face. The letter varied, sometimes they were to do with James and Lily’s estate, other times they were from reporters at the Daily Prophet seeking out interviews and photo opportunities with ‘The Boy Who Lived’.</p><p>“How do they know where he is?” Sirius hissed at Arthur, worriedly glancing at Harry playing on the living room rug with Ron.</p><p>“They don’t.” Arthur assured him, shrugging his coat off and hanging it up on the hook on the wall. “These letters didn’t come directly to me. Everything is being directed at Dumbledore because everyone knows that he’s the only person that would have any idea where you three would be hiding. He sends the letters to me to pass on, but nobody knows that except myself and him.”</p><p>“What happens when we leave here? We’re going to go to my uncle’s house first, settle there for a bit and figure out what to do but-...”</p><p>“Well by the time Dumbledore gives you the all clear it should be safe enough. They might find out where you are, but they won’t be able to get onto the property with the correct protective spells in place. The odd letter might appear, or you might get recognised when you’re out in London, but that should be it.”</p><p>“That’s it?” Sirius repeated sarcastically.</p><p>“Sirius, I know it’s hard.” Arthur clapped him on the shoulder. “But I’m afraid you’re going to have to get used to the idea that Harry Potter is one of the most famous wizards that has ever lived, and that fame has been created over only a few weeks. God knows how recognisable he’ll be by the time he’s at Hogwarts age or adulthood. And you, as his guardian, will be just as famous.”</p><p>“Finally, I’m exactly the person my mother wanted me to be.” Sirius muttered sarcastically.</p><p>“Kind and loving? Taking in and raising an orphaned boy as if he were your own? If that’s the case, I can’t imagine why you ever left your family house.” Arthur said with a wink, before leaving Sirius’ side to greet his family.</p><p>November was half-drunk, abandoned cups of tea pressed on Sirius and Remus at every opportunity, and on the frequent visitors to the house. Dumbledore had confided in only a few people of their whereabouts, people he felt had a right to know. Not all members of the Order were given such knowledge, as there was a very real possibility of someone being followed to the Burrow and the person following them would see, if not reach, Harry. Sirius’ older cousin, Andromeda and her husband Ted arrived a few days after Sirius had. They stayed for a few hours, with Andromeda sitting close to Sirius, ready to hear him if he needed to talk, while Ted and their daughter, Nymphadora, played with Harry and the Weasleys. It was nice to have them nearby, even if Sirius was not yet in any sort of frame of mind to talk about what had happened or what he intended to do upon leaving the warm embrace of the Weasley house. He had always known that when it came to Andromeda, there was no need for small talk or fake reassurances. She wanted to know the truth or nothing, and she was perfectly content with nothing. Just so long as he knew that she was there.</p><p>Augusta Longbottom, Frank’s mother and grandmother (and now sole guardian) to his and Alice’s one year old son Neville arrived on the same day as the Tonks family with the infant in tow. The two boys, along with Ron played happily together on the rug in front of the fireplace, while Augusta talked the logistics of taking Harry in over with Sirius. He wasn’t in the mood to hear any of it, feeling as though he was sifting through a fog in his mind when he even did the simplest of tasks, but the information was necessary and undoubtedly useful. She had done it herself only a few months previously, when Alice and Frank were tortured into insanity by Sirius’ own cousin, Bellatrix. Andromeda removed herself from the room after that, going in search of her daughter. While Sirius knew that Andromeda’s loyalties lay, as his did, as far away from the Black family values as possible, others struggled to understand the concept, believing that some fondness or sympathy remained with their family, so united as they supposedly were by blood. Augusta looked through Andromeda as if the woman wasn’t there, but Sirius noticed the way the older witch bristled with anger whenever Andromeda’s back was turned. It was, after all, her older sister that had taken every form of life, apart from the basic biological functions, from her son. With the exception of Sirius, and only because he was in a similar boat to herself, Augusta held a deep distrust for every person with a drop of Black blood in their veins, no matter how polite and kind they seemed to be. Andromeda didn’t mind, she was used to it from certain members of the Order. It was one of the reasons she and Sirius had always got on so well, and had only become closer over the past few years.</p><p>Minerva McGonagall also dropped in a few weeks after their arrival at the Burrow and spent an afternoon in Molly’s kitchen, bouncing Harry on her knee. To Sirius and Remus, it was almost comical to see their straight-backed, usually stern ex-teacher cooing over baby Harry. “Has he shown any talent in the art of Transfiguration yet?” She asked them eagerly. “Lily had quite the knack for it, and if James had focused a little bit more-…”</p><p>“Not yet.” Sirius replied quickly. “But it’s early days. Next time you see him he’ll probably have turned himself into a hat or something.”</p><p>“Well yes, now that would be very advanced. Though I must admit, a hat has slightly less style than some other forms. Animals for example.”</p><p>“Professor-…”</p><p>“He told me everything, don’t worry.” McGonagall smirked. “I suppose it was just my lessons that you four seemed unable to perform high levels of transfiguration. Everywhere else it seemed to be a breeze.”</p><p>“Actually it took a couple of years...”</p><p>“Tell me everything!” She squeaked eagerly.</p><p>November was warning whispers aimed at the older Weasley children as the two youngest, and Harry had their afternoon naps. Hushed conversations between adults as rumours about Voldemort circled in the Wizarding World. Muffled sobbing into pillows, silent tears slipping off the ends of noses and numbing grief that wrapped itself around the hearts and minds of all that understood the magnitude of what was happening.</p><p>November was gently pulling Harry’s hands away from his forehead as his stubby nails scrabbled and picked at the scab that lay there. It made Sirius feel sick to see him touch it, as if some of the hate that had resulted in it being there might transfer into Harry.</p><p>In the early days of the horror that was November, Remus took to spending long spans of time away from the house, walking through the forest nearby. Sirius never protested or asked to go along, he knew that Remus needed to grieve in private, and that doing so allowed him to come back to the house and act as if he was okay, and energetically interact with Harry and the Weasley children, who adored him within a few hours of being in his company, despite their immediate uneasiness at his appearance.</p><p>Slowly, as the delicate frost encased each blade of grass in the Weasleys’ garden and the first drifts of snow teased their window panes, Sirius’ grief began to ease. It would never dispel completely, he had known that from the moment he had been told what had happened, but it softened and the jarring pain in his chest subsided. He found himself taking joy in the way Harry laughed, rather than having it be a solemn reminder that his parents would never hear the sound again, and watching him learn new things and explore the world once again captivated the attention of his adoring godfather as it had done from the day Harry was born.</p><p>They stayed at the Weasleys until the New Year, at which time a letter arrived from Dumbledore to say that it was safe for them to leave and that he recommended that Sirius take Harry directly to his uncle’s house where they would live for the time being. Despite his initial eagerness to just spend some time alone with Harry, Sirius found himself reluctant to leave the warm embrace of the Weasley house.</p><p>Whether they had been instructed to by their parents, or whether it was of their own accord, Sirius did not know, but when told that he, Remus and Harry would be leaving their household, each of the Weasley children fetched a small toy or trinket that they then gave to Harry before bidding the adults farewell. At first, Sirius was certain that they had been told to do so, and completed their task dutifully, if reluctantly, but Remus was quick to remind his friend that the kind of generosity that had been shown to the three of them by Molly and Arthur was more than strong enough to be passed down through the generations without being spoken of, or becoming a pushed reminder. “They’re just comparing Harry to themselves, and, seeing that he has been left with nothing, they’re trying to give him whatever they can to make things a little better for him.”</p><p>Bill and Charlie had clearly come up with the idea together, and had encouraged their younger siblings to join in. Ron and Ginny were too young to actively participate, and so their toys, which were seemingly communal anyway, were selected for them by their eldest brothers. Bill gifted Harry a wizard chess set that seemed to already have been passed down at least least three or four times. “I know he’s too little to play with it right now, but when he’s older I’ll teach him how.” The eleven-year-old promised sincerely. “He’ll never get through Hogwarts without it. We always play in the Common Room after dinner.”</p><p>Charlie, two years his brother’s junior, tucked a small soft toy dragon, with emerald green fabric scales and a red velvet mouth into Harry’s carry-seat. To Harry’s delight, every few minutes a puff of purple smoke was released from the dragon’s mouth and he would cascade into giggles every time it happened. “It’s based on a Welsh Green,” Charlie told Sirius and Remus. “But in real life their smoke is actually not purple, and it’s not smoke, it’s fire.”</p><p>Percy was five, and shy like Charlie, but he too strode purposefully over to Remus on their last day and thrust a pouch of enchanted marbles into his hand. “For the baby.” He said. “When he’s bigger.” Remus nodded and thanked the boy deeply for his generosity, to which Percy flushed pink and smiled pleasantly, before running away to his bedroom.</p><p>The twins were only four, but managed to toddle over to Harry when he was having a midday nap and cover him with a patchwork knitted blanket that Molly had made when she was pregnant with them and that had kept them warm since they were newborns. Sirius tried to protest and give it back to Molly, who, no doubt wanted it as a keepsake. But she brushed him off and smiled kindly, stroking Harry’s cheek with the back of her index finger. “They’ll be warm enough without it.” She murmured, and Sirius understood. It would be important for Harry to be wrapped in something that was almost infused with a mother’s love, no matter who that love was directed at. She cared about Harry as she did all of her children. When he asked her if this was true, she nodded seriously. “Of course. Poor Lily can’t be here to look after him, so I’m going to do my best to make sure that he’s okay, just like you are. It’s almost like an unwritten code between mothers. It’s instinctual. If it were the other way around, she would look after my babies too. We can’t help it, we see a child that needs some love and protection and we flock to them. It’s an impulse. And it won’t ever go away,” She added, putting her hand on Sirius’ arm and squeezing gently. “I meant what I said that day, Sirius. If he, or you, need anything I’m right here. I won’t ever stop caring, okay?”</p><p>“It means a lot Molly. We’d never have gotten this far without you.”</p><p>“Of course you would have, dear. Your parental instinct kicked in the moment you took that boy in your arms after hearing that his parents were gone. He’s yours, and you know exactly what’s best for him. Trust your gut.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Sirius hadn’t been to his uncle’s house in many years, and had only a vague memory of the last time he had stepped foot inside its walls. It was Christmas and it felt as though everyone, with the exception of his younger brother Regulus, was bigger than Sirius. They had left before Christmas lunch was over after his uncle, his mother’s brother, got into a heated argument with Sirius’ parents. He realised now that it had been over his uncle’s political views, so vastly different from those of the rest of his family, and very close to those that Sirius and Andromeda held as adults. When his uncle had died, he had left the grand house to his favourite nephew in his will, knowing that, unlike Andromeda, Sirius would have nowhere to go and have no-one to look after him when he left Hogwarts after having already cut ties with his family.</p><p>The house itself was deep in the Yorkshire countryside, far the wandering trails of any unsuspecting Muggles and difficult to find by any wizards that were unwanted there. The doorways were splintering and the paint was peeling off in long crumbling strips on all the walls. Every article of furniture was covered in a thick blanket of dust. “Needs a bit of work.” Sirius said sarcastically, readjusting his grip on Harry, unwilling to let the boy crawl around on the floor lest he come across any glass or other dangerous items hidden in the floorboards.</p><p>“You’ll get it fixed up in no time… You’re going to be happy here, Padfoot.”</p><p>“Me?” Sirius scoffed, before correcting his friend firmly. “We. You, me and Harry.”</p><p>Remus shook his head and smiled sadly. “I can’t stay. You know I can’t. I’ve hung around too long as it is, encroaching on Molly while I grieved. I won’t do the same to you while you’re trying to get on with your life with Harry.”</p><p>“Woah, can we backtrack for a second? You can’t stay? Why not?”</p><p>Remus shrugged and moved to the closest window, wiping a path through the thick dust with his index finger and inspecting it. “I can’t hang around here forever like a sad little tag-a-long, or the weird uncle who doesn’t know when to move on. You two have things to be getting on with. You need time to settle into your new lives together, you don’t want me getting in the way of that.”</p><p>“Don’t be stupid, you know it wouldn’t be like that at all. I need the help, I want you around. You’re as important to Harry’s life as anybody. You’re an essential component to whatever weird family I’m supposed to create out of this shitty situation. Besides you don’t have anywhere to go.”</p><p>“I’ll find somewhere.”</p><p>“Moony-…”</p><p>“I’ll be fine. I’ll write when I get a chance.” He started walking back towards the front door and cast a smirking smile back at Sirius and Harry. “Don't wait up.” He joked, but turned away again so that Sirius would not see the pain on his friend’s face.</p><p>“Remus, please don’t go.” Sirius called out, his voice cracking. The sound of it made Remus freeze, but still he did not turn back to look at them, certain that if he did, his heart would break all over again.</p><p>“I can’t stay here.” He replied stoically.</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“The house isn’t big enough for all three of us for a start, and then there’s the issue of my inability to pay for rent or-…”</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous.” Sirius snapped. “You know I’d never ask you for something like that. It’s not like you’ll be doing nothing, you’ll earn your keep the same way Harry does. By being adorable and being my best friend.” He smirked and fondly glanced down at the gurgling infant in his arms. “And in regards to the space thing, first of all this house is fucking gigantic, there’s more rooms than any sane person needs, and it’s not like Harry takes up much room, he’ll bunk in with me for a good few months yet anyway.”</p><p>“Sirius-…”</p><p>“You’ll find a job at some point and when you do great, but for now it's really not important, I mean I’m going to be around looking after Harry anyway, my uncle’s money will last a long time as it is and if we figure out budgeting then-…”</p><p>“SIRIUS.”</p><p>“What?” Sirius spluttered.</p><p>“What if-… What if I hurt him?”</p><p>Sirius hesitated. “What are you on about?”</p><p>“What if I undergo a transformation near him and I lose control and-…”</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “Remus, I would never let you hurt him, you know that. And I don’t believe you ever could, even at your most… lost. You couldn’t do it. Something would stop you, just like it always stopped you when one of us got too cocky or a bit too close.”</p><p>“I-…”</p><p>“Stay here for a month.” Pleaded Sirius. “That’s all I ask. Go through a full cycle and see how it goes. We’ll be careful, of course but-… I need you right now, I’m not ready to lose another friend. Not yet.”</p><p>“A month?” Remus mulled this over for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip.</p><p>“Then you’re free to go as you please.”</p><p>Remus frowned and turned his head, the grooves in his skin made by his own claws catching the light. “Fine.” He said finally. “A month. But then I’ll go, I won’t take charity, Sirius.”</p><p>“I’m not asking you to.” Promised Sirius. “I’m asking you for help with Harry, that’s all.”</p><p>“Okay. A month.”</p><p>“A month.” Remus stood as if to leave, but Sirius stopped him with a few wavering words, his fists clenched in his lap under the table. “I can’t lose you too.” He said simply.</p><p>Remus sighed deeply. “That’ll never happen, even if I leave. But I’m not going anywhere yet, Padfoot. I’ve made my promise, I intend to keep it.”</p><p>“Good. And stop trying to be so bloody noble all the time,” Grinned Sirius. “You’re getting on my nerves.”</p><p>“Sorry, mate.”</p><p>“Forgiven.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>It didn’t take as long as they had expected to get the house in order, not once Molly and Andromeda had caught wind of the state of their lodgings and arrived with all of the cleaning supplies they could think of and a collective catalogue of household spells that were enough to make anybody’s head spin. Sirius and Remus tried to help where they could but found they were getting in the way more than anything, and so they contented themselves with making cups of tea whenever requested and occupying Harry’s attention so that he too did not get under the women’s feet.</p><p>Sirius forced himself to set up Harry’s bedroom first, unpacking the meagre possessions that had been salvaged from Headquarters that had belonged to him and his late parents. It wasn’t easy, even the scent that wafted up from the box choked Sirius and made him want to slam it shut and throw it out of the window. It was a box of memories, and it was still too soon for them to be thought of in happy terms. But Harry was in a particularly good mood that day, and Sirius found himself able to continue with the baby at his feet. He set up the toys that had been gifted by the Weasley children on the freshly dust-free windowsill, lining them up in a row in order of the age of the child that had given it. He then began to set up all of the furniture, which took almost no time at all with the aid of magic. A large cot, not dissimilar to the one Harry had been sleeping in at the Weasleys, was pushed against the back wall, accompanied by a chest of drawers that also served as a changing table. Both of these articles would be easily changed when Harry got too old to have any use of them and Sirius found himself smiling even as his heart ached at the thought of the little boy getting older, growing up. He wanted him to stay the way he was forever, so sweet and unknowing. He had no reason to fear, or so he believed at this tender age, and Sirius dreaded the day that the truth would be forced upon him and all of the pain that would go along with it. But he was glad of it too, because it was a reminder that Harry’s life was still just barely beginning. He had his whole life ahead of him, even as his parents slipped further and further away from it. He had survived, he had been given a second chance. The thought thrilled Sirius to no end and it pushed him to continue with his task, intent on making a comfortable place for Harry to do all of this growing up, somewhere that would be a constant familiarity and a home that he would ache to return to whenever he strayed from it as the years went by.</p><p>He finished the room by making the cot bedding up by hand, using magic seemed too impersonal and he wanted to do it the way he had seen Lily do it before. The sheets were new, as most of Harry’s things would have to be after losing so much in the destruction of the house in Godric’s Hollow, and cream-coloured. It had come with a matching blanket, but Sirius laid this to one side, folding it up neatly. Instead, he withdrew the blanket that Molly had knitted for the twins from the bag he had brought it to his uncle’s house in, and spread it carefully over the small mattress. In the top corner of the cot he placed the purple dragon that Charlie had given to Harry, having retrieved it from the window-sill display at the last minute. Beside it he placed three other soft toys that Remus had bought when he had gone into London the day before to pick up some things for the house. One was a small deer, a stag with long antlers that Harry liked to intertwine his small, clumsy fingers through and chew on. The next was a wolf, fluffy and grey, as non-threatening as anyone could hope for. Sirius had smiled when he saw it, and hoped this meant that Remus was already rearing Harry up into a child that would not be afraid of wolves, no matter how big or bad they might appear. The final toy was even more on the nose, a small black dog that when the paw was squeezed emitted a high-pitched mewling bark. Harry had delighted in the sound and had pouted until one of the adults made it occur again and again, to the point that even Remus began to regret having purchased it. Sirius changed his mind and rearranged the array of toys once more, leaving the stag and the wolf where they were and moving the dog to it on the window sill with Harry’s other possessions, simply because he thought the sound might wake the boy in the night if he rolled onto it.</p><p>“Looks good.” Remus stated and Sirius turned to see his friend in the doorway, looking around at the work that had taken place. “But why the rush? I thought he was going to sleep in your room for a while. You haven’t even started on it.”</p><p>“Change of plan.” Sirius replied. “He doesn’t need to be in my room. He hadn’t slept in the same room as his parents since they left Headquarters. He’s more than old enough to be by himself.”</p><p>“Then why-…”</p><p>“It was for me, not for him. I thought that having him close would stop me from dreaming, or at least, from dreaming about awful things. It didn’t work and it was selfish of me to try it. He needs his own space and I think the sooner he gets settled in here the better. It’s going to be his home, after all.”</p><p>“A very wise decision.” Said Remus simply, initially hesitating but choosing not to mention his friend’s nightmares again. Sirius knew that he could talk to Remus about them if he wanted to. The both knew that it would make little difference. The latter was, of course, more familiar with nightmares than anyone else either of them knew, and yet, not even he knew how to make them go away.</p><p>“We still need to get some things in here, a night light, one of those dangly things to go over the crib-…”</p><p>“There’s plenty of time for all of that. Sirius, I came in here to tell you something.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“A letter just arrived from Dumbledore. It’s-… It’s about the funeral.” The words seemed to get caught in his throat. “Only members of the Order are invited and it’ll be done at Hogwarts so that it’s not too obvious. We still need to be careful-…”</p><p>“Harry?”</p><p>“Dumbledore is making arrangements with Lily’s sister. They’ll take him for the day so that we can, I don’t know, grieve in private or something. Well that’s what he implied, I think it’s far more likely that the reason is that it’ll be too dangerous for him to go.”</p><p>“Is my godson to become a recluse?” Sirius asked bitterly. “Shut up for the rest of his life, forbidden to go beyond these four walls in case someone decides it looks like a lovely day to murder him?”</p><p>“Sirius-…”</p><p>“If he isn’t safe in a room full of members of the Order of the Phoenix then where the fuck is he going to be safe?”</p><p>“It’s still early days.” Remus mumbled gently. “He’ll have more freedom soon.”</p><p>“It shouldn’t be this way.” Sirius choked, tears springing to his eyes. “He shouldn’t have to live this life that somebody else chose for him. It’s not fair-…”</p><p>“No it’s not, of course it’s not. But it’s the way things are. And I’m not willing to risk his life any further just to prove a point. Harry is going to Petunia on the day of the funeral, which is next week in case you were wondering, which you weren’t, but once you stop being such a drama queen you will, and that is the end of the discussion. You're a parent now, Padfoot, or some weird variation of one. I suppose we both are. We have to make decisions that are best for Harry and sometimes that’s going to mean denying him things for the sake of keeping him alive.”</p><p>“He needs to be able to say goodbye.”</p><p>“No, we need to be able to say goodbye. Harry, through no fault of his own, won’t remember any of this. He won’t remember James and Lily, we’ll only remember what we tell him about them. We will tell him as much as we can, I promise you that much Sirius. He will know them as much as he can do. But there’s no point taking him to a funeral he won’t remember and distressing him by making him look at everyone else cry and be angry over this. And there is really no point in doing it when there’s a chance he could get hurt in the process.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. chapter four.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The day of the funeral was, as Sirius had known it would be, completely miserable. The weather was bitterly cold and howling with wind around the country. There were even rumours that it might begin to snow, but it would not be the kind that was picturesque and splashed over Christmas cards. It would be grey and malicious, sneaking into socks just to soak them and biting at any exposed skin that it could find. It would make people slip and fall, broken ankles on asphalt driveways. Hidden on roads, black as the surface it clung to, forcing Muggle drivers to spin out of control. It was the kind of cold that sunk deep into your bones and made you think you might never be warm again. Sirius wondered if it was this cold beneath the ground, in his friend’s final resting place. </p><p>Moody had arrived on their doorstep early that morning; he had been assigned the duty of escorting them to drop Harry off with his aunt. Clearly, Dumbledore did not trust that Sirius would be able to either find it on his own or leave Harry with her if he did not have others watching him. When the four of them arrived on the suburban street, Harry wrapped in his godfather’s coat to protect him from the wind, Sirius’ heart gave a jolt of horror as he remembered standing on this very pavement once before. Lily had asked him to come with her and James for Petunia’s son’s Christening only a few months before Harry was born. It had been Spring then, and Sirius had stood in the pristine front garden with them, holding a glass of too-sweet champagne and trying not to tread on the flower beds as Muggles in pastel-coloured outfits looked down their noses at their odd way of dressing and cooed over the chubby baby, who looked as though he were already going on two or three based purely on the size of him. Harry had never been like that. He wasn’t small, but he was slender, and had been positively skinny in the first few weeks of his life. He was always far longer than he was wide, unlike Dudley Dursley who resembled a cannon-ball rather than an infant. Harry would grow up tall, and most likely quite gangly, as James had.</p><p>Moody stayed at the front gate, resembling a sentry outside of a powerful king’s castle. He turned his back on the house and stared out into the road. It was early enough that the Dursley’s neighbours had not yet risen from their cosy beds and so the sight of the four of them would cause no alarm. That had been one of the two of Petunia’s conditions; they were not to draw unnecessary attention, in fact they should be seen by nobody. Even their black mourning robes were, in her mind, far too obscure to make them look like door-to-door salesmen, and she didn’t want anyone asking unnecessary questions about Harry. She had warned her friends and neighbours that Dudley had a contagious cold and that they should stay away, lest anyone see Harry and ask whose he was. Her only other condition was that they should return, as soon as they could, to pick up the boy and take him away again. </p><p>Sirius felt himself gripping tighter to Harry’s small, warm frame, knowing that the moment of separation was coming. He stopped on the front step and removed Harry from his coat, holding him close for a moment before wiping the little boy’s nose with a tissue. Remus stepped up towards the door and lifted his hand to the knocker. He looked over his shoulder briefly, taking in the sight of Harry, flushed from the warmth of his godfather’s protection, and Sirius pale and distracted. “Ready?” He asked supportively, but Sirius’ dark eyes only flickered over him coldly for a moment before staring back into the empty plant pot by the side of the house, its former inhabitant long-since frozen to death. Remus knocked and a few moments later, the door was opened by Petunia, fully-dressed despite the early hour, and a pinched, anxious look upon her face.</p><p>“Remus Lupin?” She asked quietly, her eyes darting as she looked out into the dark, icy street and saw Moody’s form at the end of her garden path. If she recognised Sirius, she did not say so, and she had never met Remus before. </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Come in, quickly.” She hissed, but Remus shook his head and tried to smile at her. </p><p>“Thank you, but we can’t. We have to be going.”</p><p>“You’ve brought him then?”</p><p>“Yes, he’s here.” Remus replied, before glancing behind him. “Sirius?” He said pointedly. When his friend didn’t move, Remus turned and took Harry from him. “It’s time.” He said under his breath and Sirius nodded finally and released his hold on Harry, who whimpered a little but did not cry. </p><p>Remus passed the baby over to his aunt, who, for a moment, seemed to thaw a little. “Look at those eyes…” She murmured, a faint smile forming on her lips and her eyes glazing over as she saw somebody else in his face. Remembering that she was not alone, and that the baby was not her younger sister but rather the child she had had with the wizard boy their mother had deemed unsuitable, Petunia stiffened again and cleared her throat, moving Harry so that he sat on her hip. “You’ve brought his things?”</p><p>“All in here.” Remus said, handing her the bag that he was holding. “Oh and I almost forgot, I will have to come inside for a moment, after all.” Petunia’s eyes widened as Remus strode past her into the immaculate living room and took something small from his pocket. Sirius stayed on the door step, but peered inside so that he could see the play pen transform from a small wooden cube into a full-size crate for Harry to play in before Petunia’s eyes. “Just in case you need to put him down for a bit.”</p><p>“You’d think I’d have got used to all of that… stuff.” Petunia said coldly. </p><p>“Yes well…” Remus shuffled his feet awkwardly, unsure of whether to mention Lily by name or not. There was an air of uncertainty surrounding the subject, even it seemed, within Petunia’s own mind. She had clearly loved her sister, even if they hadn’t understood one another, but she had loathed James and was conflicted every time she looked at their son. “If everything’s settled, we’d really best be off.” He settled on in the end and walked purposefully back towards the front door. </p><p>“Will they come looking for him?” Petunia burst out suddenly as Remus reached the hallway. The latter froze and his eyes locked with Sirius’, who closed his eyes as though in pain.  </p><p>Remus turned slowly, back to face her. “Who, Mrs Dursley?” He asked as calmly as he could manage, unsure of how much Dumbledore had told her. </p><p>“The people that killed my sister and her husband. Will they come here looking for the baby? I can’t have my Dudley in any danger or-…”</p><p>“Your baby is safe.” Spat Sirius from the doorway. Remus whipped around to stare daggers at him, but it was too late. “Don’t bother worrying about your sister’s.” Sirius continued angrily. </p><p>“I deserve to know if my family is in danger.” Petunia insisted, as Sirius opened his mouth to yell,  “They were always in danger-…”</p><p>“Sirius, this is not the time.” Remus snapped and for the first time that morning, Sirius listened to his friend and took a physical step back, away from the house and from Harry. “Petunia, I’m sorry. You don’t have to worry about anything. If anyone is looking for him, which they might not be, they won’t ever think to look here. They’d never imagine we’d trust Muggles to watch him-…”</p><p>“Oh, what an honour it is-…” She muttered sarcastically, but Remus was unperturbed and didn’t break in his speech despite the interruption. </p><p>“-… And they will assume he would be at the funeral with us, so you’re all quite safe.”</p><p>Petunia shook her head in disbelief, speaking to herself it seemed but it was clear who her true audience was. “Not even invited to her funeral, the bloody cheek of it.”</p><p>“It’s for your own safety, I promise you.” </p><p>She swallowed and looked up at him with suddenly scared, watery eyes. “Did they do that? To your face…”</p><p>“No,” Remus answered truthfully, and smiled at her. “A completely unrelated incident.”</p><p>“Car crash, was it?”</p><p>“Something to that effect.”</p><p>“I’ll keep him safe until you come back.” Petunia said suddenly, with a sincerity that made even Sirius glance over at her, his heart giving a jolt of fondness. </p><p>“Very much appreciated.” </p><p>Petunia nodded swiftly and saw Remus back to the front door, which she didn’t hesitate in clicking shut behind him. Sirius saw the lace curtains twitch as she peered out, anxiously watching to make sure that nobody saw them disappear suddenly from the middle of the street, as she had watched her sister do so many times before. </p><p>~~~</p><p>Remus Lupin’s eyes flashed around the room, widening a little as disappointment wrapped itself around his heart. He knew that she hadn’t been there when everything had started, he had made a mental note of everyone that had walked silently into Dumbledore’s mournfully-decorated office after he, Sirius and Moody had done so, clad in their raven-black robes, after having already catalogued those that had arrived and taken their seats before their arrival. He had hoped that she had slipped in after Dumbledore had commenced proceedings, lingering at the back unnoticed by her grieving friends. But now that everyone had risen and were finally talking to one another, remembering Lily and James, or speculating about the whereabouts of Voldemort and the fate of Harry Potter, it was slowly becoming clear that she had never even arrived. </p><p>Moody noticed Remus scanning the room, and decided to put him out of his misery. “She’s not here.” He said, lifting his Firewhisky tumbler to his lips and taking a hard swig. Seeing Remus’ brow furrowed in confusion, he elaborated. “Mary. She’s not here. I meant to tell you before we arrived but I didn't get a chance to. She’s not coming.”</p><p>“Where is she?”</p><p>Moody shrugged. “We couldn’t get hold of her. McGonnagal tried everything to track her down, even went to her parent’s farm to see if she’d gone home yet but they-… well let’s just say they weren’t at home for visitors…”</p><p>“So Mary’s missing?” Remus asked, panic rising in his chest.</p><p>“Hold your horses, there’s absolutely no reason to think that. Times have changed, Lupin. We don’t have to presume our friends are dead because they’re late for tea anymore. It’ll be a hard habit to break, I grant you, but we’ll figure it out soon enough.”</p><p>“This isn’t tea, Moody, it’s a funeral.” Remus snapped. “The funeral of Mary’s best friend in the whole world and her husband. She would want to be here. In fact, the Mary I know would crawl over hot coals to be here. Something must have happened to her.”</p><p>“I’ll tell you what’s happened to her, Lupin.” Moody replied briskly, fed up now of tip-toeing around the younger wizard. The hand that was holding the tumbler squeezed even tighter, its knuckles turning a squeamish white, as the index finger jabbed itself into Remus’ chest. Remus jumped back, reflexively trying to avoid the slosh of amber liquid that exited the glass and slopped onto his robes. “She’ll have decided she wants to put all of this behind her, and just like everyone else here will do after it’s done, she’s decided to vanish.” Moody continued, his voice low and mean. “She just did it a bit earlier than expected. If she needs us she will get in touch,” He added in a marginally gentler tone. “But don’t go expecting her to knock down your door.”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Remus growled.</p><p>Moody rolled his eyes and moved his hand away from Remus again, taking another mouthful of Firewhisky. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist, I couldn’t care less what went on between the two of you at a personal level. What I mean is that nobody aside from Dumbledore will know where you and Sirius have taken Harry, not for a long while, not unless you tell them yourselves. You better start choosing your friends wisely, Lupin.”</p><p>“But Mary would-…”</p><p>“She’ll have no way of finding you unless you find her first.” Moody interrupted him, before adding with a sad sigh, “And I’m telling you, son, she doesn’t want to be found, or else she would be here today.”</p><p>Remus nodded numbly as Moody walked away, before turning to look for Sirius. He had slunk away into a corner now that the speeches were over and the cheeks of their friends had begun to dry, and was sitting alone on an ageing truck of Dumbledore’s. Several times since their arrival in his office, Dumbledore had looked to Sirius as though expecting the younger man to speak, to tell them whether their interpretations of the respective characters of the deceased were accurate, or whether they had got his friends entirely wrong, but Sirius barely noticed. He couldn’t bring himself to think about James and Lily being gone, and his mind fixated instead on their son. Sirius began to fidget, anxious to be away from the proceedings and back within his godson’s reach. </p><p>Finally, he could take no more and as his friends and colleagues turned their backs to admire the new portrait that was being unveiled of James and Lily, which would hang in the Gryffindor Common Room for years to come, Sirius stood and walked out of Dumbledore’s spacious office, where the proceedings had taken place. He thought he would be able to get far enough away from the grounds to apparate before anybody noticed that he was gone, but within seconds of striding down the corridor, he heard Remus’ loping footsteps sounding behind him. “Sirius, where are you going? There’s still the rest of the speeches… It’s not over yet-…”</p><p>“Yes it is.” Sirius whirled around, halting so quickly that Remus stumbled in his attempt not to crash straight into his friend. “It has to be. The minute they handed Harry to me and told me what had happened, that my best friends were dead, it was over. Do you think Lily and James would want me to toast their short tragic lives right now, or would they want me to go and be with their son?”</p><p>“You’re right.” Remus conceded cautiously. “We’ll go and pick him up.” </p><p>Sirius hesitated, surprised to find a small part of him wanting to reject Remus and go and fetch Harry by himself. But he nodded and let Remus walk beside him out of the school. With a start, he realised that he truly only had Remus and Harry left, and that he needed to keep both of them as close as possible. </p><p>~~~</p><p>Even before the front door opened, Sirius could hear Harry wailing from inside, the sound clawing at his heart. He and Remus exchanged looks, the latter’s full of concern and confusion, the former’s a mask of fury. As Lily’s sister swung the door open, Sirius demanded. “Where is he?”</p><p>“Sirius…” Remus growled warningly, though he too was scanning the entrance to the house alertedly, knowing the baby was in distress.</p><p>“In the travel cot, where you left him.” She drawled in response, following them into the living room, tutting at their dirty shoes as Sirius shoved past her into the house in search of Harry.</p><p>Sirius bent down and lifted Harry out of the cot, and the infant instantly settled at being held. His nose was running and his eyes looked raw with wet redness from non-stop crying. “Has he been out?”</p><p>“I took him out for a little while but Vernon thought-…”</p><p>“Certainly not.” Vernon Dursley boomed over his wife, striding into the room and interrupting them. Harry quivered in Sirius’ arms, clinging closer to his godfather. “He can’t get into any trouble in there. His nose has been running like a tap, I don’t want our Dudley catching something off of him. Besides I didn’t want him using magic on my son.”</p><p>“He can’t do magic yet, he’s just a baby.” Sirius snapped, though he wasn’t sure how true his words were. “He’s just lost his mother and you wouldn’t even hold him.” He turned his scathing attention back to Petunia. </p><p>“He wants his mother, not me. And not you either I suspect.” She sniffed.</p><p>“I’m sure you’re right, but his mother is not here and we are. Well we are,” Sirius said, glancing at Remus. “And we’re going to do the best we can to comfort him, Petunia.”</p><p>“For now.” Replied Vernon grudgingly.</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“I won’t be surprised if you dump him on our doorstep in a week’s time with a note describing how you just couldn’t cope, that he needs a woman to care for him.” Snipped Petunia in response. “I won’t be surprised, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be pleased.”</p><p>“I won’t do that, you can save your disdain.” Sirius snapped, the muscles in his jaw quivering with anger. Harry lifted his small hand to touch them, and instinctively Sirius relaxed his mouth, though his eyes remained enraged and trained on Petunia. </p><p>“Is there anything else you want, or can I get on with my day?” Vernon asked gruffly, but he was clearly on edge at the prospect of having three wizards in his home.</p><p>“We were just leaving.” Remus said curtly, snapping his fingers so that the travel cot folded itself into a minute cube, which he slipped into his pocket while Vernon and Petunia watched with glaring, wide eyes. </p><p>When they reached the front path and Vernon had slammed the door behind them, Sirius turned to Remus. “I don’t care what happens, Harry is never going to see those people again.”</p><p>“You can’t guarantee that.” Remus sighed. “She, at least, has a right to see him if she wants to-…”</p><p>“Which she doesn’t.”</p><p>“We don’t know that, all it seems is that Vernon doesn’t want him in their lives. She might change her mind. Besides, one day Harry might become curious about his family.”</p><p>“We’re his family.”</p><p>“His biological family. And she is his godmother don’t forget, once she’s stopped grieving she might decide she wants more to do with him.”</p><p>“She’s not grieving, she’s just crazy.”</p><p>“Sirius…”</p><p>“Look, he can make that decision when he’s old enough. My blood might have stopped boiling by then. Until that day, if we need a babysitter we ask Molly or Andromeda or literally anyone other than Petunia Dursley.” </p><p>However, as they walked down the garden path and out into the neat street, they heard Petunia calling after them and turned to find her primly jogging to catch up. “I need your address.” She said, holding out a notepad and pen toward Remus. </p><p>“What for?” Snapped Sirius. “You’ve made it quite clear you want nothing to do with us.”</p><p>“You certainly.” She retorted, her face pulled into an expression of disgust. “And while I admit this situation is far from one that I would desire and I never cared for the child’s father, his mother was still my sister. We had our differences but we were blood, and so this child is also my blood. I think a card on his birthday and at Christmas would not go amiss. I shan’t interfere further than that. Until you ask for my help, that is.” Seeing Sirius hesitate, Petunia rolled her eyes. “I’m doing this for Lily and for nobody else. Don’t you think it would be nice for the child to know that he has some blood relatives left in the world?”</p><p>“Yes it would.” Remus agreed quietly, though he still turned to his friend for permission before he made any further concessions to Petunia. “Sirius?” He prompted. </p><p>Reluctantly, Sirius reeled off the address as quickly as he could, hoping she wouldn’t catch it, but Remus repeated it whilst she scribbled it down. Nodding as a simple way of thanks, she turned on her heels and stalked back toward her house and her family. </p><p>“If we ever hear from that woman again I’ll run down our street stark naked with a Slytherin scarf wrapped around my neck.” Sirius said. </p><p>“I’m so glad you said neck… Still, that’s not a fair bet at all, you’ve done that several times before voluntarily after a few fire-whiskies.”</p><p>“Look at it this way, we may not know anything about kids but we sure as hell know more about caring for Harry than that woman does. A bit of snot dripping from his nose and she thinks he’s on the edge of having pneumonia or something.”</p><p>“Are we sure that Lily wasn’t adopted?”</p><p>“I’m starting to have my doubts.” Chuckled Sirius. “Let’s go.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>When they got back to the house, Sirius stormed away from Remus, leaving him to hold Harry. Reluctant to put the child back in a crib, he kept hold of him and followed his friend through the house, calling out after him. </p><p>“Sirius? Where are you going?” He demanded, taking the stairs two at a time in a bid to keep up with his friend, who was making a beeline for the room he had designated as his personal office.<br/>“Sirius, let’s talk about this. Padfoot, talk to me right now.”</p><p>“Don’t call me that.” Sirius ordered without even looking back at Remus. </p><p>“Why the fuck not.” Remus burst out suddenly, startling Harry who glanced between him and Sirius with wide, worried eyes. Both men stopped where they were standing, Sirius three stairs above Remus, his hand clenching the dusty bannister so tightly his knuckles turned white. </p><p>“Watch your fucking language.” Sirius replied stonily, but the edges of his lips curved a little in amusement. </p><p>“Tell me what’s wrong and I’ll consider it.”</p><p>“I don’t know what I’m going to do…” Sirius whispered, releasing the bannister and turning to face Remus and Harry completely. Slowly, as if his legs could no longer hold him up, he sank down and sat on the step he was standing on. A puff of dust jumped out of the ageing burgundy carpet and whirled up into the air, tracing patterns in the diminishing sunlight. “Everyone is going to want to know my plan but I don’t have one, not yet. All I can do is keep him safe and hopefully happy until-… I won’t let him die Remus, Dumbledore expects me to but I won’t.”</p><p>Remus took a few more steps and then knelt down in front of his friend, so that their eyes were level. He placed Harry down on the stair between them and he occupied himself by pulling at the loose strands of carpeted stitching. “Dumbledore doesn’t expect you to let him die, he expects you to let him fight when the time comes. It might never come, that’s all we can hope for…” They were both quiet for a moment, before Remus said gently, “They’re calling him the Chosen One, Sirius.”</p><p>“Well then they can bloody well choose someone else.” Sirius spat, but Remus could see that his eyes were filled with tears.</p><p>“You can’t deny this Sirius, he is the Boy That Lived. He is the only person to have ever survived Voldemort, people are curious about him. They want him to be the thing they can pin their hopes on.”</p><p>“He doesn’t belong to them, he doesn’t belong to the rest of the world. He belonged to Lily and James and now he belongs to us. I won’t train him up like a soldier.” Insisted Sirius. “I don’t want his life to be just about fighting and perfecting defensive spells and all the rest of it.”</p><p>“Sirius, Harry has already proved he is capable of magic far beyond anything most of us could produce. We can harness it and help him control it, but he won’t need constant training. We won’t have to teach him everything.” </p><p>“What if he dies, Remus?” </p><p>“If he dies, it won’t be for a great many years, and we will hopefully both be long gone by the time it happens. He defeated Voldemort once, he will do it again. Whether we like it or not, he was chosen for this. We can’t stop it from happening, we can only give him the protections he needs. But there’s one thing you have to promise not to do, Sirius.”</p><p>“What’s that then?”</p><p>“You can’t be the raven on his shoulder, reminding him of his own mortality. He needs to grow up normal, the way his parents wanted him to. You have to give him a good childhood, a good life, but it has to be one without fear or expectation. He’s had enough of that to last a lifetime as it is, we just have to hope he won’t remember any of it.”</p><p>Sirius nodded slowly and a smile spread across his face as Harry discovered that hitting the stairs with his chubby fist would send dust clouds spiralling in the air, and began to do it, accompanying each cloud with peals of infectious laughter. “You’re right.” Sirius admitted to Remus. “I don’t want to take away from this kind of joy by making him scared. He doesn’t need to know about any of this, or at least, he doesn’t need to know what’s expected of him, until he’s much older.”</p><p>“Wait until he gets to Hogwarts at least. That’ll be the point when people start talking to him about it, especially if the papers keep on with what they’re printing.”</p><p>“Bloody vultures.” Sirius growled as he thought about the letters that Arthur had discovered at the Ministry, asking for information from the Ministry about the whereabouts of Harry for the sake of public interest. Sirius pushed such thoughts from his mind, his mood greatly improved as the image of Vernon and Petunia slipped away and he was occupied instead with the amusement of Harry, who would soon be wanting his dinner and his bed. </p><p>Finally, their life together was ready to begin.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. chapter five.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Harry was first born, he and his parents had led practically nocturnal lives as a result of their involvement with the Order. After the initial bliss-fuelled weeks of Harry’s life, his parents had returned to business-as-usual, with James joining his friends on various raids and other missions almost every night. Lily had taken things at a slower pace, and did not return to attending raids in the same way she had gone before falling pregnant. She still left Headquarters for the sake of gathering information frequently, though always on nights that James would be staying back at Headquarters to watch over their son. For the most part, Lily conducted her work and other Order business with the infant balanced on her hip or strapped to her chest. Every attempt at forging a routine for Harry had faltered, since either she or James would be constantly sleep-deprived if they tried to keep up their responsibilities within the Order whilst also staying awake to look after him during the day. In the end, Harry naturally fell into rhythm with his parents, sleeping when they slept (usually cuddled up beside one of them, despite the warnings from older Order members). However, when they had gone into hiding in Godric’s Hollow and finally had the chance to live a quiet life as just a family of three for the first time, a routine had been made and stuck to. </p><p>But when James and Lily were killed, Harry was swallowed back into a makeshift Order life, with Sirius and Remus at the helm. The two of them hadn’t maintained regular sleeping patterns for a long time, and were up until the sun rose most days. Without really thinking about it, they let Harry follow their routine in the same way he had once followed the routine of their parents. At night, Sirius and Remus would generally talk or just spend time in the same room together while Harry played or they played with him. During the day, Harry would sleep solidly for several hours, and his guardians would intermittently nap around reading or writing. They did, without really meaning to, so numbed were they by their grief and the overwhelming feeling that they were doing something wrong, sleep most of January away.</p><p>This only lasted until Molly Weasley visited in the dawning days of February and found the dusty household in slumber. She woke them all up, including Harry, who began to wail irritably and refused to be soothed by either Molly’s kindly tone and maternal cuddling, or by her handing him over to Sirius, who held him close and wiped away his tears with the shoulder of his own shirt. “Surely he can stay asleep,” Protested Sirius. “Kids have naps don’t they?”</p><p>“Just because he doesn’t like it, doesn’t mean it’s not good for him, Sirius. That’s the first thing you need to know about parenting, boys. A solid sleep schedule is the key to raising a happy, healthy child. And no offence, dear, but looking at you, I’m not sure that this whole sleeping during the day thing is doing your health or you appearance any favours.”</p><p>“I’m not sure saying ‘no offence’ negates the fact that you’re about to say something offensive.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, but I won’t stand by and let you all struggle. I know you’re trying your best and he is yours to look after, but I know a thing or two about raising kids and-…”</p><p>“We know absolutely nothing, you’re right. No, it’s okay, we know we’re learning all of this stuff from scratch. Never feel like you need to apologise for helping us, Molly.”</p><p>“Just think of it this way, the longer a habit is maintained, the harder it is to break, right?” She said supportively, putting her hand on his arm. “Well imagine if you allow Harry to keep living this way, what happens when he starts primary school? Or tries to start at Hogwarts? If he can’t keep his eyes open during class they’re going to send him right back to you.”</p><p>Harry emitted another loud squawk and hot tears flooded down his face as the tiredness and shock of being awoken continued to frustrate him. Sirius winced and took a walk around the kitchen, bouncing him up and down in his arms. “Sometimes I wish I could deny your logic.” He grimaced at Molly. </p><p>“I know, dear, but you can’t. He’ll settle in a minute, I’ll make us all a cup of tea and a spot of lunch shall I? Remus, dear, wake up please.” She sang, walking past Remus, who had put his head in his arms at the table, and tapped him sharply between his shoulder-blades, forcing him to rocket upwards. </p><p>“Can I be excused from all of this not-sleeping-during-the-day-lark?” He moaned. “I can acquire a medical certificate.”</p><p>“The full moon isn’t due for another two weeks which means it’s been two weeks since the last one. No excuses, dear.”</p><p>“She’s got you there, mate.” Sirius chuckled.</p><p>“Worth a shot. Make mine a coffee instead of a tea will you, Mols? I reckon I need the extra caffeine boost right now.”</p><p>This intervention led to a lot of difficult bedtimes, in which Harry thought that once he had eaten his dinner, the games began, and he spent the next several hours running around the large house trying to evade being put to bed. Remus, who was a lot more used to sleeplessness than Sirius, generally took charge during the evenings, whilst Sirius tried to get some rest. Not sleeping during the day was taking its toll on him, even more than it was Harry, because the young boy was still allowed to have one midday nap, whilst Sirius, as the adult, was supposed to get things done during that time. Remus generally managed to bath Harry and get him into bed with little fuss, but when it came to reading him a goodnight story, Harry never seemed to tire. He would happily listen to the same stories over and over again if it meant he was allowed to stay awake and that Uncle Remus would stay with him through the night. Eventually, Remus put a limit on three stories a night, at which time the light would go off, but he would stay with Harry until the little boy fell asleep, so as not to invite him to get up and wander through the house at night. This particular detail he avoided mentioning to Molly because he knew she wouldn’t think it was a good idea, and he knew she was right. But somewhere deep down Remus knew Harry wouldn’t need or want him to do this forever, so he saw no harm in doing it and enjoying it whilst Harry was still so young.</p><p>Remus’ allocated month of living with Sirius and Harry came and went without either of them mentioning it, and though Sirius could tell it bothered Remus that he was there free of charge, they were too preoccupied with looking after Harry to pay too much attention to that particular promise. They both knew that they needed one another and that Harry needed them both, it would be silly to rip apart the makeshift family that had sprung up for the sake of Remus’ pride. This burden was eased somewhat by Remus getting some temporary work in London, thanks to Dumbledore’s special recommendation. It wasn’t regular and it didn’t pay much, but it allowed Remus to feel like he could contribute. Every week that he worked, he handed Sirius a portion of his wages to go towards his keep. Sirius took it from him gratefully, knowing that to argue with his friend would be pointless, but he never spent it. Unknown to Remus, the money went into a jar beneath Sirius’ bed, to be kept safe in case his friend ever needed it back for whatever unexpected reason. </p><p>The household chores were of little importance to them, as they were in most Wizarding families. A flick of either of their wands and a room was tidy or the dishes were done. Cooking was slightly more complex, but as long as Harry had something to eat, no matter how simple it was, they bothered very little with this as well. Looking after Harry was split relatively evenly, but they both enjoyed doing it so much it was barely an issue. Sirius was, by law, the main caregiver, and while Remus was working he spent all day with Harry. If Remus happened to be home during the day, he would take over whilst Sirius disappeared into his office for a few hours. They never discussed what he did during this time and Remus wasn’t sure he wanted to know. He knew there was a lot of letter-writing involved, because he saw the owls come and go from the windows. Usually they flew straight up to Sirius’ office window, but other times they were slightly off in their destination and would arrive at the kitchen or living room windows instead. On one occasion, Remus walked back into the kitchen after leaving to fetch a different bib for Harry and found a tawny owl sitting on the boy’s highchair table helping itself to the strawberries on his plastic plate. Harry seemed unbothered, even excited at having made this new friend. Remus batted the owl out of the kitchen, but not before noticing the letter in its talons addressed to Sirius bearing Dumbledore’s Hogwarts seal. Remus directed the owl up to the office and shut the window firmly behind it, trying not to think about what Dumbledore and Sirius were corresponding about. </p><p>One afternoon in late May, Remus was once again feeding Harry in the kitchen when Sirius strode into the room and made a beeline for the fireplace. In his hand he held a crumpled piece of parchment, which he threw into the flames, watching as it blazed and then slowly disintegrated into ashes.</p><p>“What was that?” Asked Remus lightly, the spoon holding the last of Harry’s lunch hovering a few inches out of the boy’s reach, and he strained forward to try and reach it.</p><p>“A letter from the Daily Prophet, requesting an interview.” Sirius spat in return, before his voice softened as his eyes fell on the scene taking place at the table. “Will you give him that please, he’s going to hurt his neck pulling like that.”</p><p>“Sorry.” Remus replied, delivering the food swiftly. “With you?”</p><p>“With me ‘and Harry’. The boy can’t even speak properly and they want him to spill out the tale of his parents’ violent death.”</p><p>“They’re just vultures, we knew it would be like this for a little while. I know you’ve been reading the papers as obsessively as I have trying to make sense of everything that’s happened, people are hungry for information. It’s understandable.”</p><p>“It’s not about everyone else. Why can’t they recognise that Harry is the most important person in this whole-…”</p><p>“They know that he is, that’s why they’re so curious. If it was any other child, wouldn’t you want to know how he had survived? Wouldn’t you want to know what he did to Voldemort?”</p><p>“You don’t think he could have actually done something? With intent I mean. Surely he couldn’t have actually fought back, he doesn’t have a wand or-…”</p><p>“I don’t know what happened, Sirius. But I am curious to know and just because I know my questions will probably never be answered it doesn’t mean I’m not interested anymore.”</p><p>“You’re right. But I still don’t want any of those letters left in this house.”</p><p>“Everything will settle down soon, you’ll see. And when it does, Harry will just be a normal kid like any other.”</p><p>“I hope you’re right about that.”</p><p>“I’m always right, surely you’ve worked that out by now.”</p><p>“I-…”</p><p>“Voom.” Harry muttered, and both men turned with surprise to look at him. It wasn’t the first time he had spoken, but he had never said whatever that word was supposed to be before. </p><p>“Did you hear that?”</p><p>“What did he say?”</p><p>“Voom voom.”</p><p>“Voom? Voom… Oh broom? Broom! His broom, the one I got him for his first birthday, it’s back in Godric’s Hollow.”</p><p>“He can’t possibly mean that one. I’m sorry Sirius, it was a fantastic present, but there’s just no way that he’d remember it. He must just be pining after the ones at the Weasleys.”</p><p>“Yeah you’re right, I just got excited… If anything, it’s a relief to know that he won’t remember anything from Godric’s Hollow because it means he won’t remember his parents-… Anyway, I hope this is a sign that he’s going to follow in James’ footsteps.”</p><p>“You think we have another Seeker on our hands?”</p><p>“Seeker, Chaser, Beater, Keeper - it doesn’t matter much, it’s all Quidditch. Next time I’m in London, I’m going to get him a broom.”</p><p>“Just another dinky one, Padfoot, like the last one you got him. He’s not big enough for a proper one yet.”</p><p>“Can it go outside?”</p><p>“No, not until he’s older.”</p><p>“How high can it go?”</p><p>“Sirius! Just get him the exact same model, the one designed for babies as a plaything, not an actual working broom. A slight hover is all he needs. He hasn’t even mastered walking yet, he can’t start flying until that’s sorted.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p>In the July of 1982, Harry Potter turned two years old. He had been growing at an exponential rate for months, Sirius and Remus could barely believe their eyes as he reached every new milestone. “He’s got to be some kind of genius,” Sirius suggested once, gazing adoringly at Harry from across the kitchen table. “I mean what other kid his age can do this kind of stuff?”</p><p>“Sirius, he’s using a fork, not bringing world peace.”</p><p>“Yet…” Sirius muttered under his breath, his face darkening for a moment, but he brightened again as Harry took another mouthful of porridge and chewed happily, smiling at his godfather. </p><p>Molly Weasley affirmed Sirius’ bragging on their frequent visits to the Burrow, remarking on how advanced Harry was in so many ways. Whether it was a new word he had learnt to pronounce almost-perfectly, or walking around an entire room without stumbling, Harry was growing into a proper little person. She always added on the most recent achievement of one of her own brood, lest the many Weasley children become jealous of Harry. She needn’t have feared. The Weasleys looked at Harry as if he was one of their own. If anything, Sirius was sure that his involvement with the other children was the only reason he was progressing so well and at such a fast rate, he was clearly copying the older kids, just as Ron was. Harry slotted in so seamlessly, despite his dark hair, and during the Summer since Bill and Charlie were back at the Burrow, the children played together as a large group. </p><p>“This will probably be the last summer they spend like this.” Molly sighed as she watched the entire group of them in the garden, Bill balancing Harry on one hip and Ron on the other, while Charlie kept a careful and protective watch over his younger sister. The other three boys gazed up at their older brothers with unguarded admiration, waiting for them to tell them what they were going to play next or where they were going to go exploring until tea-time. </p><p>“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, lifting his cup of tea to his mouth and peering out of the window beside her. </p><p>“Oh, you know how boys are - how all teenagers are. Before long the eldest ones will be too cool or too busy to bother with the little ones and then the little ones will decide they want to be cool and busy too because their big brothers are, and before long, none of my babies are playing in the garden anymore.”</p><p>“You don’t know it’ll be like that, Molly.” Remus tried to assure her, though they all knew that he was hardly an expert on the subject of child-rearing. “What happens during the summer is completely separate to life at Hogwarts, nobody will know if they spend their time with their family, and why would that be so uncool anyway? Besides, Bill and Charlie aren’t like most kids.”</p><p>“No?”</p><p>“No. They’re a hell of a lot kinder and nicer than most kids, and they’re used to sharing their time with their siblings. You told me yourself how much Bill missed home when he first went away-…”</p><p>“He soon made friends, then he didn’t write as often.”</p><p>“But he wasn’t truly happy or settled until Charlie got there, was he?” Pressed Sirius, making eye contact with Remus and joining in with his attempts at making their friend feel better.</p><p>“Sirius, I know you mean well, but I’ve experienced this first hand. Gideon and Fabian used to move heaven and earth to make sure I was entertained. They’d spend hours playing with me, whatever game I chose, because I was their little sister and therefore, the most important person in the whole world. But the minute they got to Hogwarts, they wanted to spend their summers practicing Quidditch or reading up on Defence Against the Dark Arts in their textbooks for the following term. They still loved me, of course they did, but they didn’t have as much time for me. It’s part of growing up… and Charlie just got his first broom.” She added sadly, before moving away from the window.</p><p>The familiar ache lodged itself in Sirius’ chest as he looked out of the window at the playing children and his gaze latched onto Harry, beaming as Bill balanced him on his hip pointing out something to Percy in one of the flower beds. He was scared of Harry growing up, especially in a world that would constantly try to stop him from progressing any further, but he was also aware of what a privilege it was to get to see the boy get bigger, learn new things and become the person his parents would have wanted him to be. </p><p>They decided against having a party for Harry’s second birthday, and instead just invited the Weasleys and a few other close friends over for a birthday dinner. It was the first birthday he would have since losing his parents and neither Sirius nor Remus knew how they themselves would react to the day. The quieter the better, so that it could be cancelled if need be. Their guests understood that and kept an eye out for an owl telling them not to come for the week leading up to Harry’s birthday. </p><p>However, Sirius Black awoke on the 31st feeling surprisingly calm. He was sad, of course, he was always sad, but he felt like he could tackle the day. He realised with a start that this was because Harry’s birthday was about Harry, not about Sirius or Remus or James or Lily. It was about him and no matter how sad or hard it might be for any one else to handle, the little boy deserved a joyous birthday. </p><p>And joyous it was. Presents and cards arrived from around the country from ex-Order members, Hogwarts professors (all asking Sirius to let them know if Harry had yet shown any of his parents talents in their particular fields) and their friends. Andromeda sent a card signed by herself and Ted, and Nymphadora had attached a painting that she had done of Harry that Sirius actually thought captured his likeness very well and so put it up on their fridge with a broomstick magnet. Remus flicked through the envelopes at record speed before dumping them back on the table, not recognising the handwriting he was looking for and giving up. She hadn’t written, of course she hadn’t. Why would she?</p><p>The Weasleys arrived in the early afternoon, bearing presents and cards of their own and cooing over Harry, who they all insisted looked even more grown up than the last time they had seen him, despite it only being a few days since that had occurred. They were followed later by Andromeda, Ted and Nymphadora, bringing with them a stack of children’s books to accompany their earlier card, and Neville and his grandmother. Nymphadora and Bill had become better friends since joining Hogwarts at the same time, having only met a handful times prior to their commencement, and she and Neville too were swallowed up into the happy bubble that was the Weasley clan, along with Harry, who spent all day playing with them all, as he usually did.</p><p>The day couldn’t have gone better and Sirius was overcome with love for the people in his life, who cared for him and Harry as much as they had done Harry’s parents and continued to do all they could for the little boy and his godfather by default. </p><p>~~~</p><p>Despite the happiness that Sirius and Remus felt every day seeing Harry interact with the world in new ways and the way he had made such good friends with the Weasleys even at his young age, a dark cloud still hovered over them. Pettigrew was still on the run and Sirius worried that the Ministry would stop looking once they realised how difficult it was going to be to apprehend him. Arthur assured him that finding Pettigrew was still of great priority to the Ministry, but he admitted he didn’t know how long that would last. In lieu of that, Dumbledore had told Sirius that he was undertaking his own search with the help of some of the older ex-Order members and that he felt confident that between these missions and those of the Ministry officials that Pettigrew would be found soon and they would then also know what had happened to Voldemort. Sirius longed for the day that this information was made known to them, desperate for the anxious weight that sat on his chest to dispel. He wanted to know how much freedom his godson would have and just how much danger he was in. He knew, deep down, that Harry would likely never have a completely normal childhood, but he hoped that once they knew what the limits of his life were going to be in regards to his safety that he and Remus could construct a life for him that felt just as good and just as normal as anyone else’s. </p><p>Becoming so close with the Weasley family was certainly helping with this goal. Molly and Arthur had been so generous and so kind, not just to Harry but to Sirius and Remus too. Sirius now felt comfortable leaving Harry with the Weasleys for extended periods of time, even overnight if he needed to, without worrying about Harry’s safety. What was especially great about this arrangement was that Harry was able to socialise with the kids, but was always treated exactly the same as the rest of them. When it came to lunch time, he waited his turn with the others, and the older Weasley siblings played with him in exactly the same way that they did their other younger siblings. They took to visiting the Weasleys several times a week, usually arriving in the late afternoon and then staying for dinner, to give Harry and the other children adequate time to play together. </p><p>One night in late August, a few days before Bill and Charlie were due back at school for their next school year, they had all gathered around the dinner table and began to eat, after hearing word that Arthur was on his way home from work and would be there soon, but that they should start without him. </p><p>Harry splashed his soup with his spoon, spilling it down his front and over the table. Sirius confiscated the cutlery and fed Harry with one hand whilst trying to eat his own soup with the other. Molly rolled her eyes and, with a flick of her wand, made Harry’s soup feed him patiently of its own accord. Sirius smiled gratefully and tucked back into his own meal. </p><p>Arthur walked in and, after kissing the top of his youngest children’s heads (including Harry) and ruffling the hair of the eldest and kissing his wife on the cheek, settled himself at the head of the table. </p><p>“Anything?” Remus asked hopefully. </p><p>Arthur sighed, ripping up a piece of bread and dipping it in his soup. “Rumours, just whisperings, but hopeful whisperings at that.”</p><p>“What do they say?” Sirius pressed carefully, aware of the listening ears that were also sitting at the table, slurping their soup.</p><p>“They say he was spotted and that it won’t be long before he’s caught. There’s supposedly been some sightings of him and if they find him that’ll lead us to the bigger fish if you get my meaning.”</p><p>Remus furrowed his brow. “Do you think there’s any truth to them?”</p><p>“Difficult to say, very difficult to say. I find it hard to believe that he would be walking around in his human form, even for a short time. But who knows what’s going on in his mind… I think that, for now at least, hope is all we have.”</p><p>“Is Harry going to die?” Charlie asked suddenly, and a heavy silence slammed onto the table, making the adults gasp as it hit them, as though the question had winded them.</p><p>“Charlie!” Molly hissed, glancing at Sirius out of the corner of her eye. Arthur shuffled around in his seat awkwardly as the other Weasley children, or at least, those old enough to understand the sudden change in atmosphere at the table stared at the adults with wide eyes. Only Bill, realising what had happened first, dipped his gaze and stared into his soupy reflection.</p><p>“That’s alright, Molly.” Sirius assured her. “Charlie, what do you mean? Why would Harry-… Do you think he’s in danger?”</p><p>“Dunno. But last year everyone at school seemed to think so. We read the papers every morning trying to find out if they caught the man that wanted to hurt him, but no one seemed to know why he wanted to hurt him. And nobody actually knows Harry. Not like we do.” He added, looking imploringly at his older brother, who avoided his gaze. Molly reached out and patted Bill’s arm, letting him know that it was alright to join in the discussion that had already gotten away from her. </p><p>“Son, this isn’t the time.” Arthur said patiently to Charlie, warily looking over at Sirius and Remus. </p><p>“Nobody knows what’s going to happen, but we’re definitely not going to let anything happen to Harry.” Remus assured both boys “You don’t need to worry about that, okay?”</p><p>“But-…”</p><p>“Shut up Charlie.” Bill ordered through gritted teeth from across the table. </p><p>Charlie sulked for the rest of the meal, softening only when Sirius or Remus was able to catch his eye and smile or wink at him to let him know he hadn’t done anything wrong. And he hadn’t of course, he was just curious and concerned for his almost-adopted brother.</p><p>When the children were excused from the table, Sirius stood too under the pretence of fetching some water from the kitchen. He met Bill in the hallway. “Are you okay? That was a bit intense, wasn’t it?”</p><p>“Yeah I’m fine. Charlie doesn’t think about things in the same way as everyone else does. He’s pretty quiet, so when he feels moved to speak he does it without worrying about what he’s saying. Sometimes it’s a good thing, but he was going to upset everyone. Mum especially.”</p><p>“I get that, but I know he didn’t mean it. Let him know he doesn’t need to worry about having upset me or Remus though, okay? It was a fair question and the only reason everyone freaked out is because we’re not sure of the answer.”</p><p>Bill nodded. “Okay, I’ll tell him.”</p><p>“Thanks mate.”</p><p>Remus turned the corner as the two finished their conversation, Harry on one hip, Ron on the other. “Sorry to interrupt but these two felt left behind.” </p><p>Bill grinned and took the toddlers from Remus naturally, as though they had been carved to the shape of his arms. Bill Weasley had held and cared for more babies than either Sirius or Remus had, and he knew exactly what he was doing. “Where’s Ginny?” He asked, wincing slightly as Ron took hold of a chunk of his hair and yanked it hard in his chubby fist. </p><p>“She had soup all down her front so your mother’s cleaning her up before bringing her up to you guys.”</p><p>“Got big party plans for the evening, Bill?” Asked Sirius wryly.</p><p>Bill rolled his eyes. “Oh you know, the classic line-up of exciting things. Shadow puppet show, fort building, maybe a story if things get really crazy.”</p><p>“You’re a good brother.” Remus assured the boy genuinely. </p><p>“Wow, I can’t wait to put that on my resume.” Bill replied sarcastically, though he was smiling as he began to climb the stairs with the two boys balanced on his hips. When he reached the top landing, Sirius and Remus heard Charlie take one of the toddlers and together they called their three other brothers to attention, herding them all into Bill’s bedroom where they would play together until it was time for bed. </p><p>Molly, Arthur, Sirius and Remus spent the following few hours sitting around the kitchen table discussing all the possibilities of Pettigrew’s whereabouts and what they thought might happen when (although Sirius worried it was more of a case of ‘if’ rather than ‘when’) he was eventually apprehended. At one point, Molly jumped up out of her seat in panic and the other three leapt to their feet too, believing danger was afoot. But Molly rolled her eyes and told them to sit down. “No need to be so dramatic,” She laughed. “I didn’t realise how late it was because of how bright it still is outside. I’m just going to settle the kids.”</p><p>“God, don’t do that to me, Mols!” Sirius chortled. </p><p>“You gave us all a heart attack.” Arthur agreed. </p><p>She chuckled as she disappeared into the meandering house and the three wizards couldn’t help but smile. “It’ll be nice when those instincts finally go away.” Sirius said. “All the jumping and being ready to grab your wand at a moment’s notice.”</p><p>“Potential death and despair being further away than it has been for a long time.” Remus added. </p><p>“For some.” Sirius replied darkly before he could stop himself. He regretted it the instant it left his lips, but nobody tried to reassure him. The truth in his words couldn’t be denied, and until Pettigrew was found, Sirius knew he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from jumping and reaching for his wand.</p><p>Molly returned a short while later, carrying Harry, who had fallen asleep on Bill’s desk chair some time earlier. She put him down on the sofa in the corner of the kitchen and covered him up with the old blanket that had once belonged to her twins, which Sirius kept in the bag he brought everywhere that he took Harry, which coincidentally was everywhere Sirius went. After half an hour or so of more talking, Molly decided it was time that they all called it a night and tried to stop worrying. As a result of the late hour, Sirius and Remus decided to accept Molly and Arthur’s offer for them all to stay the night, rather than go to the effort of waking Harry up to leave when they were all so comfortable at the Burrow. Harry was snoring softly on the sofa, his soft fists curled under his chin. </p><p>“Take him up to Ron’s room will you, Moony?”</p><p>“No I’ll help Molly, you get him.” Remus protested, desperately clutching at their half-empty mugs of tea and water glasses with the intention of taking them into the kitchen and helping her wash and dry them. </p><p>Molly, oblivious to his frantic insistence called out, “I don’t need help, dears,” and waved her wand casually, causing their dishes to rise up and fly into the kitchen of their own accord. A moment later, they heard the tap begin to run and the gentle plopping sound of the items falling into the warm soapy water waiting in the sink. </p><p>“Why? What’s wrong?” Sirius asked, his voice low enough that only Remus could hear him. </p><p>“He’s sleeping.” Remus whined in reply, folding his arms over his chest and avoiding his friend’s gaze.</p><p>“So? Be gentle.”</p><p>“It’s not that. Sirius, you know I’m colder than everyone else.” Remus hissed, his eyes darting self-consciously to Molly and Arthur who were chatting light-heartedly about their upcoming trip to Diagon Alley for Bill and Charlie’s new Hogwarts supplies and whether it was worthwhile them both going and bringing all of the younger children in tow. “It’ll wake him up, it’ll unsettle him.”</p><p>“Don’t be silly, he won’t even notice.” Sirius replied before walking out of the room and leaving Remus with no other option than to slowly scoop Harry up, cradling him to his chest and following Sirius out of the door. Once in the hallway, realising there was no danger of Harry waking up. Remus stopped, smiling down at the cherub-like face. Carefully, he moved Harry’s hair off of his forehead, revealing the now-healed scar. He rocked Harry gently back and forth in his arms. “Everything alright?” Remus turned to see Sirius leaning over the barrier, grinning at the sight below. </p><p>“Fine, fine.” Remus replied in a hushed voice. “I was just thinking about the first time I held him.” He began climbing the stairs, one at a time, so as not to jog Harry. “He was fast asleep the whole time.”</p><p>“Imagine snoring away your first meeting with someone. So rude.”</p><p>“He could have punched me in the face and I wouldn’t have cared. I swear he must have been doused with Amortentia or something. He’s always been just a little bit more enchanting than other people.”</p><p>“Maybe you just love him more than you do other people.”</p><p>“Probably. Sirius?”</p><p>“Hmm?</p><p>“Do you want kids? Your own kids I mean?”</p><p>“No.” Sirius said firmly as they continued through the house, shaking his head. “Harry’s my priority, and I love him like he’s my own anyway. Besides, it’s not like I have anyone knocking down my door wanting to make one with me, do I?”</p><p>“Did you ever want them? James used to talk about it all the time, how fun he thought it would be. Peter did too, but you never mentioned it. Not even when you were with Marlene.”</p><p>Sirius swallowed hard. “She and I talked about it once. I said I didn’t want them because I didn’t want a repeat of my own childhood. She said she had enough nieces and nephews to be getting on with, she didn’t want her own either and that was the end of it. Who knows what would have happened if we’d had more time though.”</p><p>“Oh…”</p><p>“What about you?”</p><p>“I never let myself think about it until Harry came along and I saw how wonderful he was. I always knew I couldn’t have my own because of what I might pass down to them and I was never allowed to be around other children until I got to Hogwarts.”</p><p>“Did Mary want children?”</p><p>“She always said that she loved children but she would be okay with not having any if I-… well, if the person she was with couldn’t or didn’t want to have children. She used to say that she’d just have to love Harry double-as-much to make up for not having one of her own.”</p><p>“There’s something odd about that whole situation, you know.” Sirius frowned. </p><p>“What situation?”</p><p>“Mary just dropping off the face of the earth. She adored Harry and she cared about us, I know she did. She would have died for Lily and she would do the same for her son. So where is she? Why isn’t she here?”</p><p>“Moody said-…”</p><p>“I know what Moody said but I don’t buy it.”</p><p>“Thank god, I thought I was just being paranoid.” Remus hissed excitedly. “Do you think we should look for her?”</p><p>“Wouldn’t hurt, though I wouldn’t even know where to start. I’ll write to Dumbledore in the morning and if he has nothing of any use to say about it then I’ll write to McGonagall. Her soft spot for her ex-Gryffindors might play into our favour.”</p><p>At that moment they came across the twins, who were sneaking across the landing with the intention of putting something spiky in Percy’s bed. Despite finding the prank both amusing and inventive themselves, Sirius and Remus didn’t think that the boy’s parents would whole-heartedly agree, so while Remus took Harry into the bedroom that the three of them shared during their visits, Sirius herded the twins back to their own bedroom and tucked them back into bed, telling them a quick bedtime story about one of the many adventures he and his friends had had whilst at Hogwarts, pulling pranks on the school’s caretaker, Argus Filch. He left them sparkly-eyed, sleeping but inspired, and heard them start to whisper the moment the door had closed behind him.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. chapter six.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Sirius Orion Black, what is this?” She squeezed the plastic tightly, her thick gold rings cutting into her skin as she did so.</p><p>“It’s mine.”</p><p>“No it certainly is not. Elizabeth found it in your bedroom but that does not make it yours.”</p><p>“I thought the servants weren’t supposed to come into our bedrooms.” He fired back bitterly.</p><p>“Elizabeth is your governess, she can go as she pleases if she thinks it’s for your own good.”</p><p>“It’s just a toy-…”</p><p>She cut him off viciously. “A Muggle toy.”</p><p>“So?”</p><p>“So do you not have toys aplenty? Do you not have nice things? Things that are meant for children like you?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Did you steal this toy?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“No what?”</p><p>“No Mother, I did not steal this toy.” Sirius replied stonily.</p><p>“Then where did it come from?”</p><p>“Somebody gave it to me.”</p><p>Her eyes twitched and within a second she had thrown the toy into the air and blasted it to pieces with her wand. The boy watched, glassy-eyed. He would not let her see him cry. He turned and headed towards the stairs, desperate to be away from her.</p><p>“Stop where you are, I’m not done with you.” Sirius ignored her and continued walking. Suddenly, a sharp pain encapsulated Sirius’ back and he couldn’t help but cry out in pain. A pressure built at the base of his spine and his knees buckled, before he was forced to arch his back and bend forward onto his hands. He heard the slow hollow footsteps coming from behind him, and soon all he could see was the onyx-coloured velvet of her long skirt in front of him. Her fingers twisted again and his neck pulled backwards so that he was forced to look at her. Sirius caught sight of something moving behind the thick bannister at the top of the stairs, but the black-haired boy hid again before he could be spotted by their mother. Just as well… Sirius thought, gritting his teeth and trying to steady his breath. Rather me than him… “I told you to stop.” She said in a high, sickly voice. “Do not disobey-…”</p><p>“Do not stray from the path.” Sirius finished for her.</p><p>“It’s for your own good, Sirius. It’s to maintain the good name of this family.”</p><p>“The name is the only thing that’s good about this family.”</p><p>“If that’s really how you feel, I did try to warn you… Son.” Her fingers contorted and Sirius’ mouth opened, emitting a gut-wrenching scream.</p><p>Sirius woke so suddenly that he toppled off of the bed and onto the floor, heaving and sweating profusely. His head was pounding and he could hear the blood rushing in his ears as his eyes struggled to focus on the dark room. Slowly, he returned to reality and could hear the worried whisperings of Remus from the doorway. He was peering at him on the floor, using his wand as a light. “Padfoot? Padfoot, are you alright?”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Fine.” Sirius replied gruffly as Remus finally caught hold of the bedside lamp and extinguished his wand.</p><p>He paled a little when he saw the true state of Sirius. “You screamed.” He said quietly.</p><p>“Just a bad dream.” Sirius pulled himself up off of the floor. “I’m fine. Did I wake Harry?”</p><p>“No, he’s alright.” Sirius rubbed his back with one hand as he clambered back up onto the bed. “Is it hurting again?” Remus asked worriedly.</p><p>“It always hurts.” Replied Sirius coldly.</p><p>“You were twisting in your sleep.” </p><p>“Was I?” Said Sirius, but they both knew it wasn’t actually a question.</p><p>“It was about her, wasn’t it? Your mother.”</p><p>“I don’t want to talk about it, Moony. I just want to get some sleep.”</p><p>“Okay, sorry. Goodnight.”</p><p>“Night.”</p><p>But Sirius didn’t get any more sleep that night.</p><p>~~~</p><p>One late October morning, a letter arrived from Dumbledore, asking Sirius to meet with him. This was not unusual in itself, Sirius and his old Headmaster had regular meetings, usually once every few weeks, to discuss Harry’s progress, lingering Order issues and the continuously updating case of Pettigrew and his elusiveness. However, the odd thing about this particular summons was that Dumbledore asked Sirius to meet him in London, at the Ministry of Magic.</p><p>“It must be something to do with Pettigrew.” Remus ventured.</p><p>“Must be.” Agreed Sirius. “But I still don’t see why he can’t just tell me about it at the school, or even through a letter. Why do I have to go to the Ministry?”</p><p>“He’ll have a reason.” Remus shrugged. “He always does. You just have to trust him.”</p><p>“Will you come with me?”</p><p>“He asked for you.”</p><p>“Yeah but he knows we’re a team. I’d feel better if you came. Molly will take Harry for the day I’m sure.”</p><p>“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Padfoot. I haven’t stepped foot in the Ministry since I was a child, and that wasn’t the best experience.”</p><p>“They made you go to the Ministry after it happened?” Sirius sat down at the kitchen table. “I never knew that… Why?”</p><p>Remus sighed. “I went through rigorous testing first, to see how dangerous I was and what restrictions would have to be put on me to make sure that I didn’t hurt anyone. And then there was Greyback’s trial. My mother couldn’t face it and since she was a Muggle anyway my father thought it best she stay at home. So he took me to the Ministry and I sat in the courtroom and I faced the man that had attacked me and I listened to my father’s testimony and-… I promised myself I’d never go back, that I would leave it all behind me.”</p><p>“Did you?”</p><p>“Well I never went back, but I don’t think I ever really moved on from it either.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll go alone.” Remus nodded vaguely, his eyes showing Sirius that his friend was no longer in the room. Not really. “Moony?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“You’re not what they think you are. You’re a good person, a kind person. Try not to let this bother you, try to forget all about it.”</p><p>“It’s not them I need to forget. It’s him.”</p><p>“Greyback?”</p><p>“My father.” Remus corrected him.</p><p>“But-…”</p><p>“Sirius, at the trial my father had to prove that what Greyback had done to me was worth his imprisonment. He spoke for so long and so harshly. He told them exactly how cruel and disgusting the actions of a werewolf are and how they are a danger to society. It was all true, but it was the first time I was aware that I was the person these things were capable of describing. I was the monster that all parents were afraid of.”</p><p>“Oh Remus…”</p><p>“You’d better get ready to leave. Dumbledore will be expecting you. I’ll look after Harry, don’t worry. We’ll probably end up at the Weasleys later on.”</p><p>“I’m not worried. Not about you. You know that, don’t you?”</p><p>Remus nodded, though Sirius knew he didn’t believe him. “I know.”</p><p>A few hours later, Remus knocked on the Burrow’s front door, Harry in tow. Molly bustled them inside and then said solemnly, “We didn’t think we’d be seeing you today.”</p><p>“Sorry to just drop in, but Sirius was called away and I thought it would be nice for Harry to see the kids. Is that alright?”</p><p>“Oh yes, that’s fine.” She smiled. “You know you’re always welcome here. It’s just… well I thought because today is…”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Well it’s… You know…”</p><p>Remus’s face went even paler. “Oh my god… It’s the thirty-first?”</p><p>“Yes, dear.” Molly whispered tensely and then bundled Remus into a kitchen chair, fetching tea and biscuits with her wand. “Oh I’m sorry Remus I wouldn’t have brought it up it’s just-…”</p><p>“No, no. God I feel so stupid. We’ve been so busy and with Harry we-… I can’t believe we forgot it was the anniversary.”</p><p>“Maybe it’s a positive thing. They wouldn’t have wanted you to be sad.”</p><p>“Yeah… I know. But they wouldn’t have wanted us to forget them either.”</p><p>“Don’t punish yourself unnecessarily, dear. Come on, let’s put Harry down with Ron and Ginny on the rug and let’s you and I have a nice cup of tea and a long chat.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Remus and Harry hadn’t been back at their own house for long before they heard the front door open again and Sirius’ footsteps in the corridor. He called out to them cheerfully and walked purposefully into the room, his hand balled up in a fist, something concealed in it. He grinned at Remus and bent down beside Harry, who abandoned the blocks he was playing with and reached out for his godfather. Sirius held the object in a square of fabric so that his skin never made contact with it, and used this to reach out and rub the object on Harry’s cheek, before patting the boy on the head.</p><p>“What is it?” Asked Remus. In response, Sirius unfurled his hand and let a gold sphere roll out of it. As it cascaded to the floor, its brilliant golden colour caught the light and Harry’s attention, and he gasped in amazement when, at the last moment before it could thud onto the carpet, the Snitch opened its wings and did a tour of the room at lightning fast speed.</p><p>“I remember when they told us Lily was pregnant with him. Peter said, ‘well she doesn’t look pregnant!’ And then they told us that was because Harry was only the size of a Snitch at that time.”</p><p>“It’s the perfect gift for him.” Remus grinned. “James kept saying he was going to get one for him.”</p><p>“I remember. I thought, obviously there’s the Quidditch connection there but it also acts as a sort of pet. I made sure that the first person that Snitch touches is him, so it will always have a loyalty to him. It’ll follow him around and almost be a protection, or at least it will think it’s protecting him.”</p><p>“Another friend for the journey.”</p><p>“Exactly. Besides, look how bloody entertaining it is!” He chuckled, watching as Harry ran clumsily along behind the Snitch, trying to catch it and falling over with gentle ‘doofs’ onto the thick carpet. The Snitch played along, slowing down enough so that Harry could see it and convince himself that it was within reaching distance, but zooming away just as his hand threatened to close on it.</p><p>“Padfoot?” Remus ventured unwillingly.</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Do you know what today is?”</p><p>Sirius sighed sadly, and hesitated before replying, “Yeah…”</p><p>“I can’t believe I forgot.” Remus croaked. “Worse than that, I spent all morning jabbering about my problems. Meanwhile it’s been a year since-…”</p><p>“It’s okay, you’re not alone. I hadn’t realised either. It wasn’t until Dumbledore reminded me that I realised we’d forgotten. It hit me hard when he told me, but now I think it might actually have been a good thing.”</p><p>“How so?”</p><p>“Well, of course I think that we should remember them and honour them by telling Harry all about them but I want Harry to always think of them fondly and to think of them as they really were to us, fun and happy and full of life. I don’t want him to think of us crying and moping and being angry. Besides, the fact that we forgot means that we are starting to feel a bit better and are capable of moving on. I think it’s a sign that happiness is actually possible, even after suffering something like that.”</p><p>“That’s what Molly said.”</p><p>“Next year we’ll do something more.” Sirius suggested. “We’ll go to the grave or something. It’s too raw right now, even if it has been a year.”</p><p>“No, you’re right.” Remus nodded. “He doesn’t need to see it, not yet. We’ll show him some photos and we’ll talk about them, but we might do it before the anniversary too. He shouldn’t be frightened of the day, it’ll fuck him up for life. Besides, he won’t understand any of it, not properly, not for a few years yet.”</p><p>Later that night, after Harry’s bath, when he was buttoned into his pyjamas and Sirius was carrying him up and down the hallway to settle him and to get his body temperature up after hitting the cold air after his warm bath, the Snitch appeared beside them and followed behind, up and down the hallway.</p><p>“He’s got a shadow.” Laughed Remus, walking past and smoothing Harry’s hair affectionately. As he said this, the Snitch slowed down and hovered close to Harry’s face. After a few seconds of contemplation, the Snitch lowered itself down onto Sirius, hiding in the hollow of his collarbone. Harry opened one sleepy eye and caught sight of the Snitch. Carefully, he opened his hand and let the Snitch roll into it, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.</p><p>“I’m glad he likes it.” Sirius said to Remus as he walked Harry towards his bedroom and flicked on the light with his elbow.</p><p>“You could give that boy a rock and he would treasure it.” Remus pointed out, following him into the room. He strode ahead of them a few steps in to pull the duvet back so that Sirius could deposit Harry straight into the bed.</p><p>Sirius smiled. “He’s so kind-…”</p><p>“He dotes on you Sirius, anything you give him he thinks is the coolest thing in the world. And so far, he’s not been wrong.”</p><p>“It’s not just that, he’s the same way with the Weasleys. Always putting their feelings before his own, just like Lily used to.” Sirius bent at the waist and loosened Harry’s grip on his neck to lower him into bed. Harry squawked in protest, irritable from tiredness. Sirius shushed him and sat beside him on the bed, letting Harry crawl into his lap and cling onto his torso, not yet willing to let go.</p><p>“You’re right. It’s remarkable that he’s showing that kind of attention to others when he’s still so young.” Remus replied, and then added, “According to Molly!” when he saw the confused expression on Sirius’ face. “Remember when Mary made Lily that cake for her birthday?”</p><p>Sirius sniggered, his face lighting up at the memory. He rocked Harry absently as he laughed, trying not to trigger any further excitement in the boy now that he was ready to sleep. “And she used half salt, half sugar because she realised her mistake halfway through!”</p><p>“And she didn’t have any cream cheese for the filling so she used cheddar.”</p><p>“Oh god, that was the worst bit!”</p><p>“But Lily ate at least half of it before Mary could try some and realise how disgusting it was because she didn’t want her feelings to be hurt. Even though she spent the night chucking it back up.”</p><p>“Poor Mary’s face!” Cackled Sirius. “That girl is many things but a chef is definitely not one of them.”</p><p>“Was.” Remus corrected darkly.</p><p>“You don’t know that-…”</p><p>“I know she’s no longer a part of my life.” He sighed. “I know that she can’t be. I have to think of her in the past tense or I won’t be able to stop myself from going out there, tracking her down and demanding she come back with me.”</p><p>“Why don’t you if you want to so badly? Maybe she’d want to come back with you.”</p><p>“Because, like Harry and Lily I have to put other people’s feelings before mine. Well, one person. I’ll always put Mary first. She wants me to stay away so I will, I won’t hurt her again.”</p><p>“Whatever you think is best.”</p><p>“I think you’d best do story time tonight, he looks pretty comfortable. I’m going for a walk.”</p><p>“Be safe.” Sirius called after him, even though what he really wanted to do was make him stay.</p><p>~~~</p><p>A few days later, Sirius returned home and called out to Remus and Harry from the front door.</p><p>“We’re in here!” Came Remus’ reply.</p><p>Sirius found Remus sitting cross-legged on the floor, watching Harry with delight as the little boy crawled around the living room, chasing the Snitch, which was moving slow enough for him to keep up, but too quickly for him to actually catch.</p><p>“Y’know I’m starting to think that this thing is the best investment we could have made. Look at it, it’s keeping him quiet and out of trouble. We could probably go to Spain for ten days, come back and he’d be fine as long as we left some food out for him.”</p><p>“Are you suggesting we let the Snitch parent Harry?”</p><p>“I’m just saying that we could, not that I want to. What’s that?” Remus asked, finally noticing the long package in Sirius’ hand.</p><p>“An early Christmas present.” Sirius said, smiling.</p><p>“Another one? You’re spoiling him, Padfoot!” Remus teased but looked at the package with great interest. “You went into London?” He asked as Sirius knelt down on the floor, catching Harry and tickling him until the toddler squealed with delight and noticed the package. He started to pull at the paper and tapping the object with his hands, looking up at Sirius, imploring him to open it for him. Sirius conceded and unwrapped a small broomstick, almost identical to the one he had bought Harry for his first birthday which had been lost in the aftermath of the attack at Godric’s Hollow.</p><p>“Yep!” Sirius responded to Remus’ question, though his eyes never left the excited face of his godson, who, although likely not remembering the broom from his infancy, recognised the object for what it was, and began to clamber onto it. “I got this and a couple other bits that he’s going to need, just to tide us over for a little while. I picked up your potion as well.”</p><p>“Thank you. It’s not going to fly now is it? He’s not on it properly.”</p><p>“No, this is more of a toy one than anything else. It’s programmed not to hover unless someone of legal age is holding onto it so he can’t fly himself into a wall or out the window or something.”</p><p>“Well that’s something at least.” Remus muttered though he still looked nervous as Harry ran with the broomstick between his legs.</p><p>“Won’t be long before he can ride a real one!”</p><p>“That’s what I’m worried about!”</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. chapter seven.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That year, Christmas arrived in a flurry of snow. Sirius and Remus anxiously wrapped Harry in as much warm padding as they could before releasing him out onto the soft white powder, but found themselves following behind them as the little boy adamantly stripped off his clothes article by article until they had to banish him back into the house to run around practically naked. Most of the little boy’s December was spent at the Weasley house, making Christmas crafts with his adopted-siblings and helping decorate the house with garish lights and twinkling ornaments. Molly had also agreed to take in Neville during the day while his grandmother went to work in Diagon Alley, and soon he, Ron and Harry were even closer than they had been before and were rarely seen outside of their trio. </p><p>In the last few days before Christmas, Harry was beside himself with excitement. Sirius and Remus weren’t entirely sure that he exactly understood what Christmas was all about, but he couldn’t wait for it anyway. </p><p>That morning Sirius woke to an excited pattering of small feet and high-pitched giggling as Harry tore down the hallway towards his bedroom. He heard Remus hurrying along behind him, shushing Harry weakly when his giggling turned to mild shrieking, but he was reluctant to kill Harry’s Christmas cheer. A few moments later a knock sounded at the door and Harry ran inside the moment Remus had turned the doorknob for him, leaping onto Sirius’ bed. “It’s Christmas!” He announced.</p><p>“It certainly is.” Sirius cuddled him close. “Happy Christmas, mate. Happy Christmas, Moony.”</p><p>“Happy Christmas Padfoot.” Silently, they both glanced upwards and knew, without having to say it aloud, that they were both wishing their third brother a happy Christmas too. Harry distracted them by jumping up and down on the bed, falling over every few bounces, giggling and hopping right back up again. </p><p>“Do you want something, young man?” Sirius asked, grinning.</p><p>“Presents.” Harry replied honestly, the excitement brimming over. His Snitch was flying up and down in time with him, swooping down to his shoulder whenever Harry fell, as if to check that he was alright. </p><p>“Kids these days.”</p><p>“It’s all want want want.”</p><p>“Mine are under the bed.”</p><p>“Mine are in my room, I’ll go back and get them. Coffee?”</p><p>“Please.”</p><p>“No thank you.” Harry grimaced. </p><p>“And a juice for young sir. Coming right up!” In the time that it took for Remus to duck downstairs and then emerge again in Sirius’ bedroom with a tray of drinks and his presents for them both under his arm, Harry divulged all of his expectations for the day and what he was most looking forward to. Sirius was beside himself with happiness. This was the first Christmas that Harry was really able to comprehend and spending the lead-up to the twenty-fifth in the company of the older Weasley children who were so excited for Christmas had really rubbed off on him. He, unlike his mother, was growing up in a world where magic surrounded him at all times, and yet, the magic of Christmas was as fresh and intoxicating as it had been to her when she was a little girl. Harry’s teeth began to chatter as he told Sirius about all of the baking Molly had been doing in preparation for Christmas, and so as he continued to talk at a mile a minute, Sirius wrapped Harry in his quilt and cuddled him close, listening intently to everything the little boy had to say as though it was the most interesting thing he had ever heard. </p><p>When Remus returned and set the tray on Sirius’ bedside table, he too stuck his feet under the covers to keep them warm, beaming at Harry from the end of the bed. “My turn first!” Harry exclaimed. </p><p>“It seems only fair.” Sirius replied, stretching to reach under his bed for his pile of presents for his godson. When he sat back up however, he was surprised to find a misshapen parcel being thrust under his nose and Harry smiling eagerly at him. “What’s this?”</p><p>“Your present!”</p><p>“I thought you said it was your turn first.”</p><p>“Yeah, my turn to give you your present. Open it Uncle Sirius!”</p><p>“You really are the sweetest kid, you know that? This is what you meant when you were excited for presents?”</p><p>“Open it! Open it! Open it!” Harry chanted, bouncing up and down again, though now weighed down by the quilt. Carefully, Sirius peeled off the wrapping paper to reveal a framed photograph of the three of them. Molly had taken it with Arthur’s old camera, his only non-Muggle and in full-working order one, and snapped the shot on Harry’s second birthday. The little boy was smeared with birthday cake, grinning through the white icing and holding a fist-full of chocolate sponge, Sirius and Remus crouched on either side of them laughing for the camera. “It’s us!” Harry explained loudly, propping himself up on his knees to point at the figures in the frame. “Uncle Remus, me and you.”</p><p>“I love it, Harry. Thank you.”</p><p>“Welcome!” Harry sang before turning to Remus. “Still my turn!” </p><p>Sirius smiled softly to himself as the excitement continued and Harry bounded over to sit in Remus’ lap whilst more present-opening took place. Sirius felt bad, all he’d helped Harry pick out for Remus was two new jumpers, rather than something as sentimental and significant as the gift he had received. He put it on his bedside table and admired it several times before they all emerged from the bed and wandered downstairs in search of breakfast. </p><p>The Weasleys descended on them in the mid-morning, all clad in their matching letter jumpers that Molly had spent the previous few months handcrafting with love for them. There was no doubt in Sirius and Remus’ minds that hidden in the presents they brought with them would be their very own personalised versions of the garments, to signify how much a part of her family Molly believed them to be. They too exchanged simple presents with them. Molly had made the three of them jumpers too, to the delight of Harry who put his own immediately and refused to take it off, even when it was pointed out to him that he was in fact wearing it backwards. “Sure, now he keeps his clothes on.” Remus said sarcastically, rolling his eyes and smiling fondly. </p><p>“Well there’s no risk of frostbite in here.” Sirius chuckled. “Where’s the fun in that?”</p><p>The children did a Secret Santa amongst themselves, having arranged it a few weeks earlier, pulling names out of Bill’s Hogwarts hat. Harry had pulled out Fred’s name, and despite having accidentally announced it proudly to the group because he didn’t really understand the rules of the game, had enjoyed the secretiveness of it all. Sirius and Harry had made a special trip to Diagon Alley and filled a bag with sweets from the stalls there, as a well as a few practical joke kits from Gambol and Japes. They had made sure to hide these at the very bottom of the gift bag Harry presented to Fred so that his mother wouldn’t necessarily see all of the elements involved in his present. Ginny had ended up with Harry’s name, and her brother Charlie presented Harry with a big stuffed owl toy. “She picked it out herself, I just helped her wrap it.” He explained and Ginny beamed, though how much she really understood about what was happening was debatable, considering her age.</p><p>Andromeda and her family arrived shortly after the Weasleys, with Nymphadora making a bee-line for Bill and Charlie, whom she had become close friends with at Hogwarts since commencing the year after Bill. They chatted excitedly about the upcoming term, before groaning in unison as they recalled the holiday homework they had been set but hadn’t even contemplated attempting as of yet. “How are you, Cousin?” Andromeda asked Sirius dryly, accepting the drink he handed her gratefully. </p><p>“Not bad, Cousin.” He smirked, enjoying the sarcastic use of the names they used to call one another in all, hideous, sincerity. “How are things with you?”</p><p>“Can’t complain. Actually, that’s not true, I shouldn’t complain but I can so I will. My beautiful daughter has rejected her name.”</p><p>“Rejected her name?”</p><p>“She will no longer respond to Nymphadora, or even a shortened version of it.” Andromeda wailed melodramatically. “She will only answer to Tonks and nothing else.”</p><p>“But that’s Ted’s name.”</p><p>“Yes, it’s becoming very confusing.” Ted called across the room.</p><p>“Are you cross with her?” Asked Sirius, stifling a chuckle.</p><p>“Not really.” Andromeda shrugged. “I’m sure she’ll get over this. Besides, it is a mouthful and I did always think she might shorten it, but only to Dora if anything. But no, she’d rather be Tonks, and I have to be okay with that. That’s the problem with losing so much so early, Sirius, and you’ll find this soon enough. You become so scared of losing the people you love that you become okay with just about everything that they do, even the things that you really shouldn’t be okay with.”</p><p>Augusta Longbottom and her grandson Neville also arrived just before lunch. Sirius liked it when Neville came to play with the Weasleys and Harry, because his godson didn’t look quite so out of place amongst the red-headed brood. Besides, he was keen that Harry and Neville grow up together as much as possible, seeing as it was Neville that would understand what Harry had gone through the most out of everybody else, even if their experiences were slightly different. When Augusta had put Neville with Ron on the living room rug, and accepted a festive sherry from Molly, Sirius wandered over to greet her. “Nice to see you again, Augusta.” He said. “Merry Christmas.”</p><p>“And to you, Sirius. All the best for the year to come.” The elderly woman smiled, raising her glass at Sirius before her eyes slid across the room to where Remus was standing, jogging Harry on his hip and talking to Arthur. Augusta leaned in conspiratorially toward Sirius, who mirrored her, trying to suppress the smirk threatening on his lips. “Now, my dear,” She said in a hushed voice. “Is it true? Are you raising the boy together?”</p><p>“Yes it’s true.” He whispered as though divulging an embarrassing secret that he had been hiding for months.</p><p>“But… You’re both men.”</p><p>“Thank god someone noticed! I was starting to worry it had been too long and that to bring it up would be a bit awkward at this late stage!”</p><p>“Oh you know what I mean.” Augusta said, pretending to slap Sirius on the arm. “I’m not prejudiced, of course I’m not. I’m sure you’ll do a fine job, it's just-…”</p><p>“You think he needs a mother.” Sirius concluded the sentence for her. </p><p>“I think he needs someone that can mother him, not necessarily a biological mother. He needs some feminine energy, someone to teach him about his feelings. When men raise boys, those boys all-too-often become men that can’t process their emotions and act badly as a result.”</p><p>“Don’t worry Augusta, Harry has plenty of women in his life.”</p><p>“Well I’m glad of it. Molly does seem to dote on him as much as she does her own children. I-.. Oh… Um, Sirius?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Why is your godson running around with no trousers on?”</p><p>Sirius glanced over to see Harry giggling as he streaked around the living room, to the roaring laughter of the other children. Remus was trying to catch him to put his trousers back on, but he too was laughing so hard that it was difficult for him to do more than stumble around after the little boy. Sirius grinned at Augusta. “Just a phase.”</p><p>“I do hope so.” Augusta raised an eyebrow. “That would be a rather unfortunate trait to carry with him into adulthood.” She patted him comfortingly on the shoulder. </p><p>“Mince pies anyone?” Arthur announced, swooping between Sirius and Augusta with the garishly-decorated Christmas plate with a grin. Sirius politely declined and edged away while Augusta accepted a treat and began discussing Pettigrew’s case with Arthur, hoping to glean something from his Ministry knowledge. </p><p>“Sirius, can I steal a moment with you please?” Molly asked, jogging slightly to catch him. </p><p>“Don’t let Arthur hear you talking like that, Mols. He’ll come after me and smash that plate over my bloody head.”</p><p>“Don’t be so cheeky!” She giggled. </p><p>“I’m just teasing you. Of course you can, what’s up?”</p><p>“Come and sit on the stairs with me, it’s quieter there.” He followed her out of the busy room and settled beside her on the bottom stair of the grand staircase his uncle had spent far too much time and money on, in Sirius’ opinion. By the time Harry crawled to the top, he was puffed out and would lie on the top stair for several minutes trying to get the energy back to continue running around the house like a mad-man. More than once Sirius had almost stepped on him coming out of his office and had been so startled that he himself had almost toppled down the stairs. “Here, Sirius. Merry Christmas, dear!” Molly said, stirring Sirius out of his negative thoughts, and handing him a thick leather-bound book. </p><p>“For me?”</p><p>“Yes! Well for all three of you really. I know I gave you all jumpers as well, but I really wanted you to have this. I felt that you should have it.” Sirius opened the book and saw the photograph Molly had taken of he, Harry and Remus the previous year in her kitchen, their first Christmas without James and Lily. “It’s a record of your first year together as a family. I know the past thirteen months have been unimaginably painful for all three of you, but it was an important time and one that deserves to be remembered. There are some photos from when we spent time with the Order in there as well, a few of James and Lily and one of the two of them with Harry. I thought he might like it for when he’s older-…”</p><p>“It’s wonderful, Molly.” Sirius interrupted her, pulling her into a tight hug. “I can’t thank you enough. Not just for this, but for everything.”</p><p>“Don’t mention it, dear.”</p><p>Later that afternoon, a heavy silence descended on the house-hold. Lunch was over and everybody was uncomfortably stuffed but continued to nibble at the snacks and leftovers that had been put out. A few of the children, as well as Arthur and Augusta had fallen asleep in various positions on the sofas and on the carpeted floor. Sirius had plonked Harry down on the rug where the little boy was sitting up and blinking at Nymphadora, his mouth hanging open slightly, his cheeks pink from the warmth of the fire, watching on as the little girl’s hair flashed a variety of colours as she reacted to each of her presents in turn. With each gift, on-lookers oohed and ahhed at the constantly changing hues, like crowds of rugged-up people admiring a November fireworks display. Remus nudged him and tilted his head in the direction of the kitchen. Sirius nodded, taking one last look at Harry, surrounded by people that loved him, and smiled, wandering after Remus, with his glass of firewhisky in hand. His friend didn’t stop in the kitchen, but pushed open the door leading into the garden and held it open for Sirius to follow. They sat out in the cold on the wooden bench against the wall of the house and looked up at the sky. “Well it’s certainly different to last Christmas isn’t it?” Remus said finally. </p><p>“Not really, all the Weasleys are still here. We’re just in a different house.”</p><p>“Oh right… I didn’t mean that one actually, I meant the year before. Last Christmas barely felt like Christmas, I was so numb I barely remember any of it.”</p><p>“We were all like that I think. Besides, we’d not long returned from your transformation, you weren’t completely back to yourself yet… You’ve been thinking about the last one we spent with James and Lily?”</p><p>“The last one we spent with all of them.” Remus sighed. “Back when we were still in the Order. We were at their house, do you remember? They’d not long moved in and there were still boxes everywhere!”</p><p>“I remember.” Sirius smiled sadly. “I still don’t know why Lily decided to try and cook the dinner the Muggle way. They didn’t even own any baking trays, she made Peter go out and get them even with the storm going on outside.” His voice hardened as it fell on Peter’s name and Remus rushed to keep his mind on happier things.</p><p>“I was more surprised that she insisted on letting James help with the cooking. You’d think she’d have learnt not to let him near anything Muggle, he nearly always got hurt or close to blowing something up.”</p><p>“But he’d never let you talk him out of dealing with that stuff.” Chuckled Sirius. “He always had a fascination with Muggle stuff, ever since I’d known him he’d been like that. Sometimes I wonder if it may have played into his attraction for Lily.”</p><p>“Maybe in the beginning, but I doubt he married her purely for her Muggle-ness! Hey, you know, there is one thing that’s similar about this Christmas and that one.”</p><p>“Oh yes?”</p><p>“We’re looking after Harry again. That year, James and Lily were cooking and singing loudly to Christmas carols and Peter had gone out and the rest of the Order hadn’t arrived yet, so when Harry woke up from his nap we got him ready and played with him and stuff.”</p><p>“You’re right.” Grinned Sirius. “Let’s hope they’re all like that from now on, right? We’ll always be here to look after him, not just as Christmas, but all year round. And we’ll always do it together, you me and Harry. Because we’re a family, aren’t we Remus?”</p><p>“We’ve always been family, Sirius.” </p><p>“Merry Christmas, Moony.” Sirius nudged his friend. </p><p>“Merry Christmas, Padfoot.”</p><p>Sirius glanced up at the stars again and smirked, lifting his glass up in a toast. “Merry Christmas, Prongs. Merry Christmas, Evans. Merry Christmas, Marls.”</p><p>Remus squeezed his friend’s shoulder supportively and lifted his own glass. “Merry Christmas, Mum. Merry Christmas, Dad. Merry Christmas, Mary.”</p><p>“She’s alive, Remus.” Sirius promised him.</p><p>“You don’t know that.”</p><p>“You don’t know she’s not. And I think she is, she has to be. We didn’t lose another one. I would know, I would feel it. No, Mary MacDonald is out there somewhere. And one day, she’s going to find us, find you. I’m sure of it.”</p><p>“Well you can keep your Christmas miracles.” Remus snapped. bitterly, standing up, wiping the condensation from his trousers. “I’m going inside, it’s freezing out here.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. chapter eight.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry James Potter is three years old. He does not cry when bath time is announced, but he does cry when the water gets in his eyes. He does not know that he is the child of James and Lily Potter. He does not know that his parents were murdered when he was one. He does know that he lives with his Uncle Sirius and his Uncle Remus in a big house that someone gave to Uncle Sirius when they died. The house has lots of good hiding places, even if it does make scary noises at night time. His best friend is Ron Weasley, but he likes the other Weasley siblings a lot as well. He knows that Mrs Weasley gives very good hugs but when he’s sad he goes to his uncles first. Harry Potter is three years old. He is happy. </p><p>~~~</p><p>Remus had been working more consistently than he ever had before, and though he was immensely grateful for the work, it was menial and exhausting. He left before Sirius or Harry even woke for the day and arrived home again only just in time to kiss Harry goodnight. Sometimes, if he got caught up, he missed seeing the boy altogether and Harry sulked in the evening because he missed him. </p><p>“It’s not worth it.” Sirius insisted one day when Remus arrived home, his clothes hanging limply off his drooping tired frame. It didn’t help that he wasn’t far off transforming, but working the long hours had already taken a toll on his friend, making him look even paler and more agitated than usual. If Harry noticed the change, he certainly didn’t care. The toddler’s face broke into a smile the moment Remus entered the room, and as the latter swooped down to pick him up, Harry burst into peals of laughter. His stubby fingers scratched at the thick wool of his uncle’s jumper and traced the old scars on his face and neck gently, with the same fascination that they had always held for him.</p><p>“Don’t start, Padfoot.” Remus sighed, cuddling Harry close as he sank into one of the armchairs opposite the sofa on which Sirius was perched. </p><p>“The money isn’t enough to make it worth killing yourself over, mate. Besides, we miss you here. Harry especially.”</p><p>“I know all that, but I have to do it. I have a three month contract, I can’t just back out of it. Besides, it’s a taste of independence, it helps me to know that if I was ever left alone I could still survive.”</p><p>“You won’t ever be al-…”</p><p>“We thought that once before and we were all proved wrong.” Remus snapped. “Just because it seems like the worst-case scenario doesn’t mean it won’t be the one to come true. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m working until at least the end of the contract and then I’ll figure out my next move.”</p><p>“You’re not thinking of leaving us, are you?”</p><p>“No. Not anymore.” Remus sighed. “As selfish as it is, I could never bear to leave him. Even being away from him as much as I am at the moment is heart-wrenching, but at least I still get to see him most evenings, or at least can sneak in and kiss him goodnight after he’s fallen asleep.”</p><p>“Good. Because we’re always going to need you around here. I’d definitely have burnt the house to the ground by now if left to my own devices.”</p><p>“Well that I have no doubt about! I can still remember the smell of the singed curtains in the Gryffindor dorm.”</p><p>“Oh god, don’t start. It smelt awful for weeks.”</p><p>“I heard that Dumbledore tells students that he was the one that did way back when he was a student at the school.”</p><p>Sirius snorted. “I don’t know whether I’m grateful that he’s taking the blame or annoyed that he’s ruining my reputation as the House bad boy.”</p><p>“Bad boy to Godfather of the Year. Odd transition but one that I wholeheartedly support. Besides, you were never as cool as you thought you were.”</p><p>“James was.”</p><p>“Yeah, he was.” Remus said with a sad smile. “But he never thought so, especially when he was around Lily.”</p><p>“That’s what made him so cool. It was effortless. He didn’t think he was cool but he didn’t care about not being cool… Mind you, he did swagger around a bit to try and impress the girls.”</p><p>“Didn’t work on the one he wanted, at least not for a while.”</p><p>“Yeah well, Lily was always pretty cool too.” Their conversation was interrupted by Harry who was crunching loudly on his faux-dessert, an apple cut up into eight cube-like pieces that Sirius had given in to preparing for him when Harry refused to go to bed because he was “still hungry”. As their attention turned to him, Harry picked up another piece of apple and bit into it halfway, pulling the flesh away from the skin so that he could eat them separately. Sirius and Remus peered at him, watching as they would a performing animal at a circus. “So weird…” Breathed Sirius.</p><p>“Not that weird.” Remus replied. </p><p>“Not weird? Come on, who else have you ever seen eating an apple like that?”</p><p>“I didn’t think you would forget so soon. We were just talking about her.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Lily ate them like that.”</p><p>“She-… God, yeah you’re right. Shit Moony.” He whimpered, lowering his head into his hands and pushing his fingers into his eyes until he saw yellow spots dancing. </p><p>“I know…”</p><p>“Why is it the little things that hurt the most? Eating an apple?” He burst out in disgust. “That’s the most mundane thing ever, right? And yet I would give my left arm to have her sitting here in front of me nibbling on a piece of fruit in that weird way of hers, just like him. Or to see James messing his hair up like a prick. Or to see Marlene-…” He broke off, his voice choked with emotion and memory.</p><p>“Sirius, I know.” Remus soothed gently. “But that’s the nature of grief.” He continued with a shrug. “If it went away easily, or only surfaced when something momentous happened then it would be too easy to manage, too easy to control. It lurks in everything, ready to tear us apart again. There is a reason taking another person’s life is the most evil act, it’s not because of the pain inflicted on the dead, it’s because of the way it affects those that loved them.”</p><p>“If only they’d been arseholes… Not so many people would be hurting right now.”</p><p>“We still would. Regardless.”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re probably right.”</p><p>“Come on, it’s getting late. Harry, finish your last bit of apple and then run up to your bathroom. I’ll meet you there to get your teeth cleaned. Then it's a story and bed, understand?” Harry nodded obediently, smiling pleasantly. If he had noticed the change in either of them when they had begun to speak of his parents, he showed no sign of it. He knew they were both tired, and frankly they had been at a base-level of aching sadness for as long as he could remember. He saw no difference in their behaviour, and wasn’t alarmed when grief reared its ugly head. Sirius wasn’t yet sure whether that was a good or a bad thing.  While Remus followed Harry up to the first floor landing to get him ready for bed, Sirius lingered in the kitchen for a few moments more. He blinked away the stinging liquid that washed over the whites of his eyes and chugged a glass of water without taking a breath in the hope of dislodging the lump at the base of his throat. When he was ready, he turned on his heel and charged out of the room, taking the stairs two at a time hoping to catch Harry before he got too settled, for fear of disturbing a restful night’s sleep. He was in luck, Remus was still helping the little boy clean his teeth, having patiently listened to Harry prattle on about the events of his day beforehand in a bid to put off the inevitable task. “Alright mate, bare your teeth for me.” Remus said, holding the toothbrush up to Harry’s mouth, cupping Harry’s chin in his hand. He was on his knees, while the toddler himself was perched on the toilet seat, his legs dangling. Harry did as he was asked, and added an impressive fake growl to go along with the snappy smile. </p><p>“That was a terrific werewolf impression.” Sirius noted, arriving in the doorway and winking at his godson who grinned proudly in response to the compliment. </p><p>“Personally I think it was closer to a dog.” Remus responded dryly. “Okay, now what do we do when we clean our teeth?”</p><p>“Up, down, side-to-side and in all the corners. Then the tongue.” Harry recited. </p><p>“Excellent work, so here we go.”</p><p>A while later, after Harry had dropped off to sleep while Remus was halfway through his second story of choice and he had crept back downstairs to sit with Sirius in the living room, he accepted the mug of tea his friend held out to him. With it, came the sigh, “Remember when we used to go out, Moony?”</p><p>“Not really, we were always doing Order stuff.” Remus replied matter-of-factly, sipping carefully on the still-scalding beverage he had been given.</p><p>“Yeah but, we went for drinks and stuff sometimes.”</p><p>“I suppose so.”</p><p>“We never do that anymore.”</p><p>“We do other stuff.” Assured Remus.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess.”</p><p>“We’ll go back to doing fun stuff when he’s a bit older, for now, he has priority. Besides, it’s not like he’s a boring kid, he’s really fun.”</p><p>“You’re right… I don’t know. Look, I love Harry to death and I would never swap him for anything but-… Well, when you pictured your early twenties did you picture his night time routine?”</p><p>“No. But then again I was always aware that I might not make it to this age, everything has been a bit of a bonus.”</p><p>“How do you always manage to make me sound like a selfish prat?”</p><p>“If the shoe fits, Padfoot.” Remus teased and he and Sirius started to laugh.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Harry Potter at aged three was truly something to behold. </p><p>He had long since taught himself to spoon feed himself and was getting better at going to bed when he was told. Remus was even starting to teach him some of his letters and numbers with the help of his evening storybooks. He was quite the little wizard too, and had on more than one occasion delighted his guardians by pushing something over without touching it or made something float towards him when he wanted it, and often did so very successfully. Despite this, and although Harry was pretty far advanced in the toddling stage of his life, he had not yet quite perfected the art of running at high speeds. This, of course, did not stop him from trying, and Sirius was constantly turning around to see a flash of movement from the corner of his eye and then hearing a loud thud as Harry catapulted face first into the floor. </p><p>One day, nobody was close enough to catch him and Harry toppled over, but as he did so he slid along the wooden floors and crashed into the hard corner of a wall. He began to howl with shock and as Sirius turned the corner to reach him, he too had a jolt of horror stir inside of him as he saw Harry’s forehead covered in scarlet blood. He cried, of course, but not for as long as most kids his age would have. Upon cleaning and examining the cut, Sirius found that it was not too deep and that Harry would be perfectly fine. Upon applying an adhesive bandage to the superficial wound, he grinned as Harry bounced back up and continued to run around the house like a mad thing. </p><p>“He’s so wild.” Laughed Remus. </p><p>“Yeah he is.” Sirius chuckled, before adding with a touch of concern. “It’s a good thing though… isn’t it? I mean, we’re not supposed to try and tame him or something, are we?”</p><p>“Definitely.”</p><p>“Definitely what?”</p><p>“Yes, we should definitely be trying to tame him for his own safety and the safety of others. But it’s also definitely a good thing. Far more preferable than being boring. Just like James, just like Lily, just like all of us.”</p><p>“Just like James…” Sirius repeated under his breath, folding his arms over his chest and moving towards the window and gazing out into the garden.”</p><p>Remus sighed. “I know you miss him, Padfoot. I do too. I-…”</p><p>“Moony… I’m so sorry, but you see the thing is… I really can’t bring myself to talk about him. Or even think about him. Is that wrong?”</p><p>“Not wrong necessarily.” Remus replied after some hesitation. “It’s quite sad. I don’t think he’d like us to forget about him.”</p><p>Sirius snorted. “I only wish I could. Maybe the ache in my chest would go away if I didn’t see his face every time I close my eyes.” He muttered bitterly, dragging his eyes away from the horizon and slumping down in the chair opposite his friend.</p><p>“Just him?” Remus pressed gently. </p><p>Nodding, Sirius replied. “All of them.”</p><p>“Even her?”</p><p>Sirius shot Remus a warning look but his friend did not back down, despite knowing he had already delved far too deeply into a subject that never failed to rip Sirius’ heart open and make it difficult for him to sleep. His back always hurt more when he spoke about Her. “Especially her.” Sirius conceded darkly after several drawn out seconds.</p><p>“She died a hero, Sirius.” Remus reminded him more gently. “You know she did. Lily always said that was the one thing that was a comfort when she thought about her, that she had died trying to protect us and that was exactly how she would have wanted to go.”</p><p>“I know, I know. I mean, she was never going to let me grow old with her, was she? She was never going to be the kind that died in her sleep at the age of a hundred.” He laughed bitterly, and Remus could see that every cell in his body was being pulled in two different directions. On the one hand, Sirius had loved Marlene McKinnon so much that there was no level of time that would have been enough with her, and yet he blamed her for not letting him love her for longer. But on the other hand, brave and reckless and fierce and spontaneous were just some of the components that had made up her personality and had made her so unique. They made her, Her. And without them, yes she might still be alive, but she also wouldn’t have been the girl Sirius had loved so deeply. </p><p>“No, definitely not.” Remus mumbled, thinking of his own long-lost sweetheart, ripped from him by the ravages of war. He couldn’t help but feel just a little envious of Sirius. While his friend was still in the throes of grief and clearly would be for some time, at least he knew exactly what had happened to Marlene. Remus didn’t know if Mary was dead and couldn’t begin grieving for her as a result. He was no closer to moving on from loving her than he had been the day after they had last seen one another, and until he had some closure he never would be. But that closure was also the thing he feared most in the world, and whenever a letter with a Hogwarts seal came flying through their kitchen window, another notch etched itself into his heart as he convinced himself that that would be the day when Dumbledore or McGonnagal would have the news he knew was inevitable. </p><p>“I just wanted a little bit more time.” Sirius said finally, jarring Remus out of his own gloomy thoughts. “That’s all I’m asking for.” </p><p>“Unfortunately, that is the one thing that nobody can give you, and no amount of your uncle’s money could buy.” Remus said angrily, more to himself than to Sirius. “Safety and security and a good life for your godson, we’ve got it in buckets, well for the moment at least. But more time with the ones we love? It’s pushing it, apparently.”</p><p>“We got more time with Harry, that’s something isn’t it?”</p><p>Remus nodded and smiled as best he could. “It’s a hell of a lot more than something… I just hope that we haven’t somehow cheated the system. I hope the universe doesn’t decide to take him back sooner than is natural because it thinks we stole him from the fate he was destined for.”</p><p>“I don’t give a shit what the universe decides, it’s not taking anybody else from me.” Spat Sirius. “Especially not him.” He leant forward, his voice low and solemn. “I will die before that boy gets anywhere close to his last day, I swear to god Remus. I will fight to the death for him, I would do anything to keep him safe.”</p><p>“I know that. So would I, and I would do anything to make sure the two of you stay together for as long as possible.” Remus swore his own oath to his friend, their eyes locked. </p><p>“We need you too-…” Sirius said, dropping his gaze a little. </p><p>Remus grinned, suddenly more relaxed. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. And I’m not saying I’m too keen on the idea of jumping in front of a killing curse either. But Harry needs you a lot more than he needs me. The two of us love each other, of course we do, but losing me would be a lot easier on him than losing you. And I know that you can protect him a lot better than I can from whatever else is out there trying to get at him.”</p><p>“What happened to teamwork? To being a family?”</p><p>“It all still applies, Padfoot, and of course this is all just hypothetical.” Remus said soothingly. “But if it comes down to it, I’m just giving you the heads-up that I will not hesitate to lay down my life for you, my friend. You and my friend’s son. I won’t lose another friend. I hope that you know I would have laid down my life for James and for Lily and for Marlene and Gideon and Fabian and every other person we lost in that fucking war. I hope you know it and you believe it.”</p><p>“Of course I do. I feel exactly the same way.”</p><p>“Good… Besides, the day he came into your care we promised to always do what was best for Harry above all else. If the best thing is for him to be with you, and I wholeheartedly believe that it is, then I will gladly step aside.” His voice broke and though he coughed to try and cover it up, Sirius’ eyes widened as he realised just how serious Remus was.</p><p>“I don’t want-…” He pleaded but Remus shook his head decidedly.</p><p>“Let’s not talk about it anymore. Not tonight. I’ll go and check on him. Better make sure he’s not concussed.”</p><p>“Remus…”</p><p>“Sirius...” Remus exhaled slowly as he reached the door, leaning on the doorframe. “It’s all going to be okay.” He promised. “One way or another, he’s going to get through all that comes his way. We’re going to help him do it. Nothing has changed in that regard, has it?”</p><p>“No, you’re right.” Sirius nodded. “That’s something I think that we will always agree on.”</p><p>“I’ll go and get him then.” Remus smiled weakly. “Get dinner on, you lazy arse!” After dinner, Sirius tidied up their downstairs living areas as much as he could be bothered and then tiptoed upstairs to say goodnight to Harry, before retiring to his own bed. His conversation with Remus had exhausted him in a way he hadn’t felt since the early months of taking Harry in, one of complete emotional turmoil and physical protest. He wanted to sleep away the memories, but he knew that the moment his head hit the pillow he would be assaulted with them. As he reached Harry’s bedroom, he heard Remus’ voice come into hearing range. “-… Now Cinderella had to comb and lean again, and the youngest sister, who had a little sympathy in her heart, said, ‘Cinderella, when it turns dark, you can go to the ball and look in through the windows’.” </p><p>“What is that nonsense you’re reading him?” Sirius asked, more aggressively than he meant it, barging into the little boy’s bedroom.</p><p>“It’s not nonsense, it’s Cinderella.” Remus replied defensively. Harry’s little fingers gripped the side of the storybook so tightly that they turned a stark white against his coffee-coloured skin, as though he were afraid of the ending being ripped away from him before he heard it. </p><p>“Bless you.”</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes and turned the page with some difficulty, prising it out from under Harry’s grasp, the plastic-like pages making a squeaking sound as they slipped away from the toddler’s fingertips. “It’s a Muggle fairytale, Sirius, most kids his age are being read this kind of thing.”</p><p>“Most Muggle kids maybe, but Harry’s a wizard. Why don’t you try something from Beedle the Bard? He’ll like those and they’re more relevant.”</p><p>“Lily read him these ones.” Remus snapped before softening regretfully. “Sorry… I just think it would be good for him to have a mix of both sides of his heritage. Besides, my mother was a Muggle too, this was part of my childhood. We’ve decided that I’m going to be a permanent part of his life, and I’m glad of it. But since that is what we’re doing, I’d like for him to be raised with some input from me.”</p><p>“I’m sorry too, I should have thought about it… You’re right. He seems to be enjoying it. Keep reading.”</p><p>Half an hour later Remus wandered into the living room, his hands thrust deep into his pockets. “So are we going to talk about what happened up there or…”</p><p>“Sorry about that, mate. I didn’t mean it, I’m just… tired, I guess. Was he alright after I left?”</p><p>“Yeah, he was fine. Bit confused, but he was more preoccupied with what was happening in the story than what we were talking about.”</p><p>“He should know about both sides of himself. Both of his parents were important and would have had a hand in these sorts of things. And of course you should have as much of an input as you want. I mean, god, he definitely needs to get his educational stuff and all of that from you rather than me or he’ll be the biggest dunce at Hogwarts.”</p><p>“He should know about your heritage too, Sirius.”</p><p>“Yeah, okay… Fine, I’ll read from Beedle tomorrow night, shall I?”</p><p>“You know that’s not what I meant.”</p><p>“I know what you meant Moony and I disagree. He doesn’t need to know a single thing about where I came from, it makes no difference. If he needs to be raised in the way of a pure-blooded family, then let it be in the way James was raised.”</p><p>“You and James are more similar than you think.”</p><p>“So are you and Lily.”</p><p>Remus smiled in spite of himself. “Then maybe we’re not the worst thing that could have happened to him, hey Sirius?”</p><p>“No, not the worst. But not the best by miles and miles.”</p><p>“What’s bothering you? Is it what we talked about earlier because we really don’t need to be worrying about those kinds of things yet, not at all. I-…”</p><p>“No it’s not that. Well, it was, but I’ll get over that. That’s the kind of thing that’s always going to be hanging over us. It’s just… Oh Remus, I keep getting distracted by wanting him to be like James, like it gives James a second chance at life. But I need to remember that Harry’s his own person, and if we want to raise him the way James would have wanted then we obviously need to include as many aspects of Lily as we do of James.”</p><p>“I don’t think we need to force him one way or another. He’s already showing that he’s pretty much fifty-fifty personality-wise, even if he is James’ double.”</p><p>“Except the eyes.” Sighed Sirius. “I expect he’ll get sick of people saying how like Lily’s they are.”</p><p>“I don’t think he’ll mind. If anything, he’ll probably relish it. I think it’s time we started talking to him about them, properly. He’s getting to that age now. He’s going to have questions. We don’t need to tell him anything to make him sad or scared, well not yet at least. But he should know that they existed and that they loved him.” </p><p>“You’re right again, of course. I’ll try to find that old box of photos we got from Headquarters, shall I?”</p><p>“He’ll love it. Especially if we take the time to go through them with him.”</p><p>“Then that’s what we’ll do.” Decided Sirius. </p><p>“Tomorrow?”</p><p>“It’s a date, you big flirt.”</p><p>However, the following day did not offer the opportunity for any heartfelt nostalgia. Usually, Harry was up and wandering around the house before either of his guardians and would run into Sirius’ room to jump on the bed until his godfather woke up. But one morning Sirius woke naturally of his own accord. Confused, but too well-rested to think too much of it, he dozed for a while longer and then wandered downstairs in search of his morning coffee and some toast. He had assumed Remus had taken charge of the toddler and was letting Sirius sleep in on purpose, but when he walked into the kitchen he couldn’t see Harry anywhere. At the same moment that he opened his mouth to say, ‘where’s Harry?’ Remus, with his back to his friend as he poured some milk into a cup of tea, called out, “You two are up late today.”</p><p>“I-… I thought you had him.” Sirius choked.</p><p>“What?” Remus whirled around, his eyes wide with panic and hot tea sloshing down his arm. Sirius couldn’t reply, and he took off into the house bounding up the stairs and calling out to Harry. Remus followed close behind him. “Have you checked his bedroom?”</p><p>“Where the fuck do you think I’m going?”</p><p>The two men threw themselves against Harry’s door and barrelled inside, but the tot did not even stir from under the mountain of blankets on his bed. He had built himself a sort of nest and was hidden inside it. “Thank god…” Breathed Remus.</p><p>“Not yet I wouldn’t.” Sirius replied darkly, striding across the room and collapsing onto his knees beside Harry’s bed. “Harry? Harry, wake up…” Groggily, Harry’s eyes blinked open and focused blearily on his godfather. He made a tinny, whining noise and screwed them up again. “Are you feeling alright?” Wordlessly, Harry shook his head and scrunched himself down further into the bed.</p><p>“What’s the matter?”</p><p>“He’s sick. Just a cold I’m sure, but he looks rotten. Stay in bed, mate.” Sirius instructed Harry, despite the little boy showing that he had absolutely no intention of getting up. “I’ll go down and get him some water and a bit of food. Stay with him, will you?”</p><p>“Of course I will.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. chapter nine.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius was standing in the corner of the living room, his back against the wall, watching Harry as he slept on the large armchair in the centre of the room. His arms were folded across his chest and his eyes were narrowed, as though he were trying to figure something out. “If he’s in your seat just move him.” Joked Remus, sweeping past Sirius on his way to get his book from the coffee table.</p><p>“How long do you reckon he’s been sick?”</p><p>Remus furrowed his brow and shrugged. “I don’t know, three days?” He swooped down and moved Harry’s fringe off of his forehead and felt the skin with the back of his hand. Harry’s Snitch rose up from where it had been resting in the curve of his elbow and hovered worriedly near the little boy’s cheek as Remus’ touch moved away. “It’s just a cold, Padfoot, he’ll be alright.”</p><p>“Three days seems like a long time.”</p><p>“It’s just a cold.” Remus repeated as the Snitch began beating its wings more quickly as though trying to fan Harry’s feverish forehead. “Keep your voice down, he’s sleeping.”</p><p>“Yeah but if he’s sick-…”</p><p>“Sleep is the best medicine. Look he just has the sniffles, he’ll be fine in a few days. Kids bounce back, especially toddlers. Fred and George both had something last week, he’ll just have picked that up when we took him to the Burrow on the weekend.”</p><p>“Moony, I don’t like the sound of the coughing." Urged Sirius. "Listen to his breathing, it’s all ragged and his skin is red-hot. I think we should go and see Molly, if not take him straight to St Mungos.”</p><p>“You want to try and take Harry through the Floo Network when he’s already not happy? He hates it at the best of times. He’s just congested, the phlegm will clear in its own time. He’s not going to stop breathing or anything”</p><p>“He’ll like what I say he’ll like, and if it’s going to save his life then he’s going to love the Floo Network.” Sirius growled, ignoring Remus’ reassurances. “Help me get him dressed, we’re going to the Burrow.” He said decidedly, moving towards Harry.</p><p>“No, Sirius.” Remus said firmly, stepping in front of Sirius to block him from Harry, then letting his tone soften he murmured. “Let him sleep.”</p><p>“Molly needs to see him.”</p><p>“If he’s still feeling unwell tomorrow, you can take him then." Remus promised him. "For now, let him sleep off whatever is in his system. You’ll make him worse if you wake him up and confuse him tonight.”</p><p>“Fine.” Sirius said, heading straight toward Harry.</p><p>“Where are you going?” Accused Remus.</p><p>“Nowhere.” Sirius replied truthfully, settling himself on the floor beside the chair that Harry was curled up on.</p><p>“You’re not seriously going to sleep on the floor, are you?”</p><p>“If he’s not feeling well he might not be able to get upstairs to find us if he wakes up.”</p><p>“You’ll be too uncomfortable.”</p><p>“I’ll transform, it’s not too bad when your bones are designed to do it.”</p><p>“Oh, so Harry waking up and finding a giant dog next to him while he sleeps when we do not have a dog is not going to scare the shit out of him?”</p><p>“He’ll know it’s me, it’s not like he’s never seen me in that form before.”</p><p>“Kids forget things-...”</p><p>“Look, either set up camp in here with me and make yourself useful or bugger off upstairs.”</p><p>Remus exhaled slowly. “Fine, where are the spare pillows again?"</p><p>“Cupboard beneath the stairs.”</p><p>The next morning however, Harry made made no improvement. “Ungle Sirruss…” Harry mumbled, wiping sleep from his eyes with the back of his hand. “My froat hurts…”</p><p>Sirius turned to Remus with a satisfied smirk and cocked one eyebrow into the air. “We had a deal.” He said, bending his knees so that Harry could reach up to wrap his arms around Sirius’ neck, and brought him up into a hug.</p><p>“Fine, we’ll go and see what Molly has to say, but only because I feel sorry for Harry and she probably has a recipe for something to make his throat feel better.”</p><p>“It’s okay mate, we’re going to make it go away. Come here, let’s get your shoes on.” Sirius cooed gently into the child’s ear, carrying him into the corridor.”</p><p>“I just hope that you realise she won’t side with you.” Remus called out cockily. “She’s had seven children, she knows how to prioritise and a snotty nose is going to pale in comparison to the injuries her own brood have no doubt sustained over the years.”</p><p>“Either way, I’ll feel better for having someone that knows more about this stuff than us look at him. Besides, seeing all the kids might make him perk up a bit.”</p><p>There wasn’t enough time to send an owl warning the Weasleys of their imminent arrival, and so when they stepped through the fireplace into the living room, they were unsurprised to see that nobody was there waiting to welcome them. After a few minutes of standing awkwardly in the ash, Sirius and Remus heard footsteps and a second later Molly Weasley turned the corner. When she caught sight of them she screamed and clutched her dressing gown tighter around her portly frame, before sighing with relief and putting her hand to her heart. “You frightened me.” She scolded them. “What are you doing here so early?”</p><p>“Sorry, Molly.” Remus said. “Harry’s got a cold and Sirius thinks he’s on the edge of death. He wanted you to have a look at him for us.”</p><p>Molly’s brow furrowed with immediate maternal concern and she stepped forward to take Harry from Sirius, gently coaxing the child’s arms out of the lock they had formed around his godfather’s neck. After he had been transferred into her arms, Molly let Harry’s forehead rest against her own neck as she rocked him gently, before pulling back to look at his face, pale and puffy despite the heat radiating off of his skin. “How long has he been like this? And what happened to his head?”</p><p>“A few days. What do you think? Fell over his own feet again. It’s healing alright though, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Yes seems to be, poor clumsy dear. Well he certainly has a fever and you said flu-like symptoms as well?”</p><p>“Yeah, we think he has a cold.”</p><p>“It wouldn’t be unusual for this time of year, the twins are just getting over something themselves and I think Ron’s picked it up too. But Harry seems… Has he been coughing?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Don’t panic boys, but I think he might have pneumonia.”</p><p>“Pneumonia?” Remus furrowed his brow. “But-…”</p><p>“What do we do, Molly?” Demanded Sirius.</p><p>“I think you’ve caught it in time, don’t worry, but I’d get him down to St Mungos as soon as possible. Let me sort the kids out and I’ll come with you. Bill and Charlie can keep an eye on things for a few hours.”</p><p>“Will he…”</p><p>“Don’t ask any big questions, dear. Best just to see how these sort of things pan out I always think. I’m sure it’s all fine, but if it’s not then we will just have to manage it. Wait here a minute and I’ll find the boys and give them their orders.”</p><p>Sirius held Harry a little tighter. Remus’ face was grey and he seemed to wobble on his feet. “Do you want to sit down?” Sirius asked him shortly.</p><p>“Sirius-…”</p><p>“It’s alright Moony, he’s going to be fine.”</p><p>“If anything happens to him-…”</p><p>“Nothing’s going to happen to him.” Sirius said through gritted teeth.</p><p>“But…”</p><p>“You heard what Molly said. No big questions. Now please, do me a favour because I’m trying to stay calm for Harry, and shut the hell up about it.”</p><p>Molly returned in just a few moments, pulling a large winter coat on and calling back instructions to Bill and Charlie, who were thankfully still home for the Winter break. “And even when Nymphadora arrives-...”</p><p>“Tonks.” Charlie corrected her.</p><p>“Okay, well, even when she arrives you three are to keep an eye on the little ones, am I understood?”</p><p>“Yes Mum.” Bill replied, shifting Ginny higher up on his hip.</p><p>“Good boys, I’ll be home soon. Right, you three, into the fireplace.” She herded Sirius, Remus and Harry into the fireplace and together they travelled by Floo Network, landing with a thud in a large grate in the lobby of St Mungos Hospital. Molly grabbed the closest staff member and told them what was wrong with Harry and within minutes she had wrangled them a private room in which Harry was tended to by doctors and nurses aplenty.</p><p>Hours later, when Harry had been medicated and had fallen asleep in the hospital-issued crib and Molly had returned to care for her own children, Remus caught Sirius’ eye. “Can we talk about it now?”</p><p>“I’m sorry I snapped at you, Moony, I was just so worried and-…”</p><p>“Are you kidding? I’m the one that’s sorry. I could have killed him.”</p><p>“They’re sorting him out. A few days in here and he’ll be back to normal.” Sirius reassured him. “You didn’t do anything wrong, it could have just as easily been your version of the scenario. We got lucky, okay?”</p><p>“If we hadn't gone to Molly like you said then-…”</p><p>“That’s why this is a partnership, a team thing.” Sirius shrugged. “We work together, we negotiate, we compromise and in the end the best thing for Harry ends up happening. Don’t beat yourself up over this. There have been plenty of times when you’ve overruled me for good reason and if you hadn’t Harry would have had a worse time of it.”</p><p>“He could have died because of me.”</p><p>“And how many times have you stopped him from falling over or doing something stupid to get himself hurt? You’ve saved him far more than you’ve ever endangered him. We make mistakes, it’s just part of being with him as he grows up.”</p><p>“James and Lily would-…”</p><p>“Would have had the same conversation and come to the same conclusion eventually. Even if we had stayed away from Molly for longer and he had got worse, everything would have worked out okay in the end. We would have got through it, Moony. We’re doing our best, it’s all we can do. Besides, he’s tougher than he looks.”</p><p>Remus smiled weakly. “You’re right about that.”</p><p>“He’s already survived something that should have killed him. Everything from here on out will be a breeze by comparison.”</p><p>“I just hate seeing him in pain.”</p><p>“Me too, but it’ll start going away now. He’s going to be just fine. Brand new and shiny again, our beautiful boy.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>As Sirius had predicted, Harry was feeling much better by the next day and was discharged just another two days after that, as good as new. One particularly interesting outcome of Harry’s stay at St. Mungos was the discovery that the boy needed glasses. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to his guardians, knowing as they did the truly awful nature of his father’s own eyesight, and yet they had never really considered the possibility that Harry would have inherited it. “It does make sense,” Sirius mused. “He doesn’t half bump into things.”</p><p>“True, but he could just be clumsy. That might not change just because he gets glasses. In fact, if he’s anything like Lily, being able to see might make him even clumsier because he’ll just fall over trying to avoid things.”</p><p>“You’re right.” Came Sirius’ laughing reply. “I’ll take him into London tomorrow to get a pair.”</p><p>“Alright. By the way, Dumbledore sent a card wishing Harry a quick recovery.”</p><p>“Did he say-...”</p><p>“No mention of Pettigrew.”</p><p>“It’s never going to be over, is it, Moony?”</p><p>“I have no idea, but I hope it will be soon.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Getting Harry’s glasses turned out to be a lot more difficult than Sirius had anticipated. The Muggle optometrist was startled by Sirius’ robes and didn’t understand the prescription given by St Mungos. In the end, they ended up testing Harry’s eyes themselves and, while Harry sucked on a strawberry lollipop, Sirius tried to find a good pair of frames. His choice was limited and it was with a heavy heart that he made his final purchase. When he and Harry returned home, with the latter proudly wearing his new glasses, Remus looked like he might faint. “Oh my god… Did you have to get that particular shape of frame?” He hissed.</p><p>“It was the only one they offered for kids his age… I didn’t realise that he’d look so… So…”</p><p>“-… So much like James. I know.”</p><p>“Don’t you like my glasses?” Harry's face fell. </p><p>“It’s not that mate, they look very nice." Remus rushed to assure you. "You just look a lot like your dad when you’re wearing them.”</p><p>“Why is that bad?”</p><p>“It’s not. It’s just different.”</p><p>The reception was not much better when they visited the Burrow the next day. “My god…” Molly whispered, paling a little at the boy’s new appearance. “It’s like looking at a ghost. He could literally be-…”</p><p>“I know. It spooked us too. But he needed them, and we don’t want him to get a complex about it or anything.”</p><p>“No, no, of course not. You look very handsome, dear.” Harry beamed and toddled off to show the Weasleys siblings his new look. “The spitting image of your poor father,” Molly added, out of his earshot. “But nobody could say he wasn’t handsome too…”</p><p>“Any news from Arthur about Pettigrew, Mols?”</p><p>She shook her head. “No, Sirius. You know you’d be the first to hear.”</p><p>“Yeah I know…”</p><p>“Actually, since you’re both here, I want to talk to you about Harry.”</p><p>“What about him?”</p><p>“He’s picked up a bit of an odd habit.”</p><p>“What is it?” Prompted Remus. </p><p>“Well he’s heard my lot calling me ‘Mum’ and ‘Mama’ and I think he’s gotten a bit confused. It’s been happening for a while now, but I thought it was just a funny thing that he’d stop doing after a few days, but it persisted so I thought I’d best mention it.”</p><p>“He’s started calling you ‘Mum’?”</p><p>“Yes… But not just me it would seem. Earlier I swear I heard him call Bill the same thing, and then when they were outside he patted one of the gnomes on the head and said it too. I don’t think he knows what it means.”</p><p>“I’ll explain it to him.” Sirius promised her. </p><p>“I mean he’s welcome to call me ‘Mum’ if he wants to, y’know as a pet name rather than something with any meaning, but I don’t want him doing it just because he thinks it’s my name.”</p><p>“We’ll handle it, Molly.” Remus promised her.</p><p>At that moment, their conversation was interrupted by a loud scream coming from the living room and all three adults sprinted towards where the children were playing. When they entered the room, they found Ron shrieking, hot tears pouring out of his eyes onto his ruddy cheeks, immune to Bill and Charlie’s attempts at soothing him. “What happened?” Molly demanded while Sirius whirled around searching for Harry. He was sitting, gazing open-mouthed at Ron, with only a slight look of concern on his face.</p><p>“Fred and George turned his teddy bear into the spider.” Bill explained.</p><p>“Both of you, come into the kitchen.” Molly yelled at the twins, who were looking guilty but faintly amused. “Bill get Ron please, where’s Ginny?”</p><p>The adults turned and saw Ginny chasing the spider on her hands and knees. It wasn’t immediately clear whether she was trying to catch the creature to befriend it or to eat it, but Remus had swooped down and picked her up before she could grab hold of it either way. She began to cry, clearly disappointed and struggled in Remus’ arms. Harry’s bottom lip began to wobble as he saw Remus holding someone that wasn’t him and before long he was crying and tugging on Remus’ leg, reaching up to be held. “Padfoot, will you come and take one of these children from me?”</p><p>“Bit busy over here.” Came Sirius’ strained reply as he crept towards the spider with a glass and a piece of parchment.</p><p>“I want to do it, can I do it?” Charlie pleaded, hovering by Sirius’ elbow.</p><p>Sirius straightened, “Do you promise not to eat the spider?”</p><p>“Promise.”</p><p>“Alright then, go wild Charlie.”</p><p>“Brilliant, thanks Sirius.”</p><p>Sirius moved to pick Harry up, but the toddler strained and pulled away. “Harry, come on now. Don’t be silly.”</p><p>“No, I want Remus.” He pouted.</p><p>“He wants you apparently.”</p><p>“Sirius don’t get jealous, he’s throwing a tantrum. He’s just chosen me as his target.”</p><p>“What on earth is going on in here?” Arthur Weasley had appeared in the doorway, a look of complete confusion on his tired face.</p><p>“SPIDER.” Ron wailed again as the Weasleys ran away from Charlie’s failed attempt at catching the ex-teddy.</p><p>~~~</p><p>That night, when the excitement of the afternoon had faded from Harry’s memory, Sirius broached Molly’s concerns with him as he put him to bed. “Hey mate, you know how you’ve been calling Molly things that aren’t Molly?”</p><p>“Mrs Weasley.”</p><p>“Yes, but also…”</p><p>“I call her what Ron and Ginny and Fred and Geo-…”</p><p>“You’ve been calling her Mum, haven’t you?” Sirius cut him off gently.</p><p>The little boy looked away, wringing his hands in his lap. “Am I in trouble?”</p><p>“No, no. Of course not." Sirius hurried. "We just need to talk about how-… Well, see Harry, the thing is-…”</p><p>“Molly isn’t your mum, your mum’s name was Lily.” Remus added and Sirius smiled gratefully at him from where he was standing in the doorway to Harry’s bedroom.</p><p>“But Molly is Ron’s mummy?”</p><p>“Yes, she’s all of theirs.”</p><p>“But not mine?"</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “No mate.”</p><p>“Okay… Where’s my mummy?”</p><p>“She and your dad died when you were very small.” The words felt like poison in Sirius' mouth.</p><p>Harry’s brow furrowed. “Why?”</p><p>“We’ll tell you when you’re older, it’s a little bit hard to explain. But the point is, her name was Lily Potter and your dad was James Potter and they both loved you very much.”</p><p>“So a mummy is someone that loves you very much?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“So you’re my mummy?”</p><p>“Well no, actually. Not everybody has a mummy, we don’t all need one." Explained Remus. "You have us instead of a mummy and a daddy. Do you understand?”</p><p>“So if I can’t call Molly mummy, what do I call you?”</p><p>“Well you can keep calling us Sirius and Remus, that’s fine. Those are our actual names.”</p><p>“Are you not my uncles then?”</p><p>“Not biologically, but your parents always called us Uncle Sirius and Uncle Remus when you were around, so you can call us that if you want.” Sirius assured him.</p><p>“But if you’re not my uncles then what are you?”</p><p>“Well Sirius is your godfather, and I’m just Remus.”</p><p>“So you’re Godfather Sirius and Mr Remus?”</p><p>“Just call us Sirius and Remus mate, it’ll be a lot simpler.”</p><p>“Also if I was Mr anything it would be Mr Lupin.” Remus muttered. </p><p>“What’s a Lupin?”</p><p>Sirius groaned. “Moony, why would you say that, he’s just going to get confused.”</p><p>“I think it’s important he learns what last names and prefixes are, Padfoot.”</p><p>“Moony… Padfoot…”</p><p>“Oh god, okay no. I’m Sirius, that’s Remus. Just call us that for now, we’ll figure out everything else later.”</p><p>“Okay… What do I call Mrs Weasley then?”</p><p>“You’ll have to figure that out with her.”</p><p>In the end, Harry settled on calling Mrs Weasley, ‘Ma’ as an in-between. He was getting close to understanding the reality of his situation, and though he wasn’t quite there yet, he understood that while Mrs Weasley would never be what Lily ought to have been for him, she was an important figure in his life and was doing her best to help Sirius and Remus raise Harry in the way Lily and James would have wanted.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. chapter ten.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I really envy his ability to fall asleep anywhere.” Sirius chuckled, eyeing Harry’s slumbering body at the base of the stairs. “It must be nice to feel that comfortable, just to know that someone will carry you up to bed no matter what. I never felt like that, even when I was a kid.”</p><p>“Frankly I envy his ability to sleep full stop.” Muttered Remus darkly. </p><p>“You haven’t been sleeping?”</p><p>“Not really.” Remus sighed.</p><p>“It hasn’t been this bad for a long time." Sirius noted, his face a mask of concern. "Is it to do with your condition?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Maybe.” He shrugged. “It’s like I can usually get to sleep okay because I’m so exhausted but then… I have these nightmares.”</p><p>“What kind of nightmares?” Sirius asked, wondering if they were anything like the ones that plagued his own slumber.</p><p>“Well maybe not nightmares, but I have these really vivid dreams. And Mary’s in every one. Sometimes the others are there too, but always her. Sirius… I really miss her.”</p><p>“Moony… if you need to leave, to go and look for her, you know I’ll support you in that. Hell, I’ll go with you if you think there’s a chance that she’s out there.”</p><p>“That’s just the thing.” Remus shook his head sadly. “I doubt she’s out there, and even if she is, she won’t want to see me.”</p><p>“You don’t know that. Besides, looking won’t hurt. If you find her, that’s when the issues come into play.”</p><p>“Maybe I will have a look into things, see if McGonagall has heard from her.”</p><p>“Excellent idea! I’m going to go put him down.” As Sirius slowly ascended the stairs, trying his best not to jolt Harry awake again, Remus went to the top cupboard in their kitchen and pulled down a bottle of Firewhisky. He rarely drank, he didn’t enjoy, unlike most of his friends, the sensation of being out of his mind, unable to find his way back to who he was. He didn’t like being unable to make conscious decisions, he didn’t like forgetting things. He got enough of that with his condition. But occasionally, when things were really bad, he needed to think of nothing at all. Thinking of Mary was too painful and in that moment, he needed a blank mind if he was to get anything else down for the rest of the night. One glass ought to do it. “Are we celebrating or mourning?” Sirius quipped when he returned and found Remus nursing the bottle of Firewhisky, his second glass hanging from his bottom lip.</p><p>His friend glared at him blearily. “Take a wild guess, Padfoot.”</p><p>“At least share.” Sirius said, tactfully removing the bottle from Remus’ grasp. His friend was too distracted to notice that Sirius did not pour himself a glass of his own, and instead stashed the bottle away. “What’s going on, mate?”</p><p>“What if I don’t find her?”</p><p>“Then you’re no worse off than you are right now.”</p><p>“What if I do find her?”</p><p>“Isn’t that a good thing?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Remus sighed, rubbing his forehead with the heel of his hand. “She could reject me. Or she could want me back. Either way, we’re both fucked. We ended it for a reason, Sirius. I don’t want to hurt her-…”</p><p>“Don’t think about it right now." Sirius suggested quickly. "Finish your drink and then go up to bed. Try and get a good night’s sleep and we can tackle it all tom-… What was that?” A rapid knocking was shaking the front door, and Sirius jogged to open it. Arthur Weasley pushed his way in, his face grey and scared as he scanned the both of them. Remus stood, stumbling slightly, but sobering up as he looked at Arthur and panic rose inside of him. “Arthur, what’s wrong? Are the kids okay? Is it Molly? Arthur?”</p><p>“It’s Pettigrew." Arthur panted. "Sirius, there’s been a sighting.”</p><p>“Close by?”</p><p>“Too close for comfort.”</p><p>“What do we do?” Asked Remus.</p><p>“He’ll come looking for Harry here." Arthur told him simply, catching his breath and slipping into his professional, Ministry-level, tone. "He knows you have him but I doubt he knows about your relationship with my own family. My suggestion is that you both stay in case you need to fight, I’ll take Harry back to the Burrow and hide him there.”</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “You can’t take him away from me, Arthur, please.”</p><p>“It’s for his own protection Sirius, you know it is.” Arthur urged, clearly in a rush. “It will only be for a little while, only until Pettigrew arrives.”</p><p>“What if he never comes here? I can’t stay apart from Harry.”</p><p>“Then go with him, Sirius.” Remus interrupted. “Both of you go and I will stay here to take on Pettigrew.”</p><p>“No, you can’t do it alone.” Sirius protested. </p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“You-… Never mind, but we’ll do it together.”</p><p>“You don’t think I could kill him, do you?” Remus muttered, horrified at the lack of Sirius’ trust in him.</p><p>“We don’t have time for this.” Arthur said warningly. “Please, let me take Harry, even just for tonight. The sighting was less than an hour ago, time is really of the essence. I’ll take him back to Molly and then I’ll come back to talk this over with you both.”</p><p>“What if Pettigrew figures out where Harry is while you’re here with us?”</p><p>“Molly may look harmless but when it comes to the protection of her children, including Harry, she is capable of a hell of a lot more than it might appear.” Arthur said, his voice hardening. </p><p>“You’re right, I know. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Arthur nodded. “That’s alright. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Where’s Harry?”</p><p>“He’s asleep, or he was before we started shouting." Remus told him. "Upstairs in his bedroom.”</p><p>“Right, I’ll go and get him then.”</p><p>“Actually, Arthur, it’s okay.” Sirius stopped him gently. “I’ll go and get him, I’ll bring him down.”</p><p>“Whatever you want, Sirius. Just please hurry.”</p><p>Sirius took the stairs two at a time and found Harry blinking sleepily at him, having been woken by the yelling. “Hey, mate.” He whispered, sitting himself down on the edge of Harry’s bed.</p><p>“What’s going on?” The little boy asked, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.</p><p>“Everything’s fine, sorry we were being loud." Sirius whispered, trying to keep his voice calm and steady. "Now Harry, Mr Weasley’s going to take you to the Burrow. You’re going to spend the night there with Ron and his siblings. Okay?”</p><p>“Okay, can I bring Todd?” Todd was Harry’s big stuffed owl that Ginny had given him for Christmas.</p><p>“Sure you can, mate.”</p><p>“Todd and Bumble and Doolie?” Harry sang, picking up his toy stag and wolf from his bed.</p><p>“Do you need them all?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Sirius nodded briskly. “Okay, fine, they can go too.”</p><p>“And my broom?”</p><p>“You can borrow one at the Weasleys.”</p><p>“No, I need mine.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because it’s mine.”</p><p>“What? You think it’s shaped to your arse or something?”</p><p>Harry shrugged. “Maybe.”</p><p>“Fine, fine, take the broom.”</p><p>“Okay, I’m ready.” Harry grinned, turning to his godfather. </p><p>“I wish I was.” Sirius muttered, blinking back tears.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Nothing, mate. Just slow down for a second though. Come sit on the bed with me. You’re going to stay at the Weasleys for a little while, but I’m going to come and get you when I can. They’re going to keep you safe and you’re going to have a lot of fun. I-… I’m just doing this because I love you so much. You know that, don’t you?”</p><p>“What’s the matter?” Harry’s small voice hardened with fear.</p><p>“Nothing. I promise, nothing’s wrong.” Sirius pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I just want to make sure that you never think I’ve left you behind or forgotten you or anything because that’s not the case, it will never be the case. Okay?”</p><p>“Okay…”</p><p>“We’re a team, you and me and Remus.”</p><p>“Then shouldn’t we stay together?”</p><p>“In general, absolutely. But for right now we have to be apart for a little while. The Weasleys need you too.”</p><p>Remus knocked gently on the door. “Ready?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. chapter eleven.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Molly Weasley only started to worry about Harry on the fourth day. The first few days of his stay with them, he had been his normal self, over the moon at the prospect of several sleepovers in a row. However, when he still hadn’t seen his beloved godfather and ‘uncle’ he quietened considerably and started to keep to himself. He played with the other children half-heartedly, but Molly suspected it was more for their sake than theirs. Always kind, he didn’t want to hurt their feelings, but he really wasn’t in the mood to play. Several times, she caught him wandering off to be by himself and almost locked him out one evening on the steps, where he was sitting staring at the stars. She slipped outside and sat down beside him on the hard stone stairs and he glanced at her momentarily before returning his focus to the heavens. “Don’t you want to come inside, dear? It’s getting chilly out here and we’re going to play some board games altogether-…”</p><p>“Where’s Uncle Sirius?” Harry demanded, his small mouth set in a hard, sad line. </p><p>“He’s with Remus and Arthur.”</p><p>“And where are they?”</p><p>“Doing some special work for the company your parents worked for before they died.”</p><p>Harry hesitated and then looked down at his feet. “They’re not coming back for me… are they?”</p><p>“Of course they are, Harry!” She wrapped an arm around his skinny shoulders. “Oh, you mustn’t think they’ve forgotten you. They’ll be back to get you as soon as they can-…”</p><p>“Why can’t they come now?” He whimpered against her jumper.</p><p>“It isn’t safe. For you or for them.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Molly shook her head exasperatedly. “It just isn’t, dear. I’m sorry, I don’t know how to explain it all to you. The point is, the only thing you need to remember is, that they love you very very much and they’re definitely going to come back and take you home with them again. Everything will go back to normal as soon as it can.”</p><p>“When?”</p><p>“I don’t know yet.” She admitted. “But until then you know that you are very loved here and that you’re still with family, even if it is extended.” Harry considered this thoughtfully, before giving a decided nod of his head and smiling weakly at her. “Alright then, are you ready to come inside?” Harry nodded again. “Do you need a hug first?” Without speaking, Harry crawled into her lap and wrapped his small, cold frame around hers. Molly enveloped him in her warmth, wrapping her knitted cardigan around the both of us.</p><p>For a few minutes they just sat there, with Molly taking her turn at looking up at the sky and trying to pick out which stars her brothers formed and rocking the little boy back and forth. However, when she was finally ready to go back inside she discovered that Harry had fallen asleep in her arms. Carefully, so as not to jolt him, Molly clambered back to her feet and carried the little boy back into the house, tip-toeing past the living room where the rest of her family were talking and playing together and up the stairs to Ron’s small bedroom where an additional bed had been added for Harry some months before. It had been conjured by Arthur especially for the little boy on account of how often he stayed with them. As gently as she could she lowered him down onto the mattress and pulled his trainers off his feet. Then she pulled the blankets up over him, tucking the soft toys he had brought with him in beside him, lest he miss them in the night.</p><p>She returned downstairs and explained that Harry wasn’t feeling well and that the others needed to be very quiet when they went to bed so that they didn’t wake him up and make him feel worse, which her children heeded seriously. They played one round of Exploding Snap as a family before Arthur, who had only just arrived home, counted ten of Ron’s yawns and Ginny had fallen asleep with her legs wrapped around Charlie’s waist and her head balanced on his knees. Bill helped Ron up to bed whilst Molly tended to Ginny and when she returned downstairs she found the twins playing quietly for once on the living room rug, with a set of Self-Rolling Marbles. Bill was sitting on the window seat, playing a simplified version of Wizard’s Chess with Percy, whom he was trying to teach to play with the same skill as his eldest brother. Meanwhile Charlie was curled up on one of the sunken armchairs in a position that for anyone else would have been excruciatingly uncomfortable but he seemed quite content in, reading a book that Hagrid, the gamekeeper at Hogwarts had leant to him for the summer. Molly smiled to herself as she saw Charlie’s lips moving with the words, pre-empting them before he even turned the page he had read them so many times.</p><p>Arthur’s tired eyes scanned the pages of the Daily Prophet for the second time that day at the kitchen table, and he barely looked up at Molly brushing past him on the way to the kettle. After putting the water on to boil and setting out two cups, she walked back to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, squeezing tightly. “Are they any closer?” She murmured into his ear. Arthur went rigid beneath her grip but he reached up to pat her comfortingly on the hand.</p><p>“They’ll get there. It’s a very complicated mission, Molly. Even Dumbledore is doing hands-on work for it. It’s his ability to transform it’s-…”</p><p>“Arthur, I don’t want the details. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be continuously going over the possibilities in the back of mind like you do. I can see what this is doing to you. I just want to know when Sirius is going to come back for Harry.”</p><p>“As soon as he can-…”</p><p>“When?”</p><p>“I really don’t know." Arthur sighed sadly. "Not for a little while I would imagine.”</p><p>“He needs to hear from them.”</p><p>“I thought we agreed that no communication would be best so that Harry isn’t distracted by having fun by wondering about them both.”</p><p>“Yes, we agreed, but it hasn’t worked.” Molly insisted. “Without any input from us, Harry is still desperate for them to come back for him. He thinks they’ve forgotten about him. I know they can’t come and visit but surely you could bring back a letter at least.”</p><p>“I’ll try. They’re horribly busy Molly and working in difficult conditions. Don’t go making any promises to him.”</p><p>“I won’t. But please make sure you ask them, Arthur.” Her husband nodded sincerely just as the kettle began to squeal and Molly went to the stove to make them their final cups of tea for the day.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Sirius and Remus managed to scribble Harry a note at least once every two days, handing them to Arthur to deliver to the little boy who, although he couldn’t yet read them by himself, treasured them and walked around the house with them clasped in his hand. His mood improved steadily over the next two weeks, though he still missed Sirius and Remus terribly. Meanwhile, Sirius and Remus were locked into the mentality of their old days in the order. They took to tracking Pettigrew, raiding any location he might be, and finding themselves locked into armed fights several times with other hidden Death Eaters. On one such occasion, Sirius found himself skirting the edge of what appeared to be an abandoned cottage, although the shiny new padlock on the door told him it was anything but. Slowly, Sirius readjusted the cloak around his shoulders and examined the lock in front of him, ascertaining whether or not a simple unlocking charm would be enough to get inside.</p><p>The weeks they had spent looking for Pettigrew, always missing him by only a few seconds it felt like, had all built up to this. All they had was the fact that a local had seen a shadow moving in front of the curtained windows only an hour before they had arrived. That was all, and yet, Sirius was certain that it was him. Every muscle in his body was twitching, screaming at him to burst through the door and kill the creature responsible for the death of James and Lily and countless others. The reason that Harry had been orphaned and forced to grow up with Sirius, who had no idea what he was doing. But he waited, his wand inches from the doorknob, ready to unlock it when the signal came. Remus was skirting the other side of the building, checking all of the exits and seeing whether the windows opened. Arthur used his wand to illuminate the bottom of the building, partially hidden by the grass, checking that there were no rat-shaped holes through which Pettigrew could escape. Again.</p><p>Arthur didn’t usually come with them on the raids, having had little prior experience. He and Molly hadn’t joined the Order for the sake of their children, but had always supported it immeasurably. But this was technically Ministry affairs and Dumbledore had agreed to work with the Ministry in the capture of Pettigrew. Most of their missions took place after dark, when Arthur had returned to his family and, Sirius’ heart ached at the thought, Harry. But today they had received the tip-off just as Arthur was preparing to leave for home and his replacement had not arrived so he joined them instead. It was a risk, if anything went wrong it could easily be claimed that it was because of Arthur Weasley’s lack of experience and the fact that his area of expertise even within the Ministry had nothing to do with Magical Legal Enforcement or the Dark Arts.</p><p>Sirius blasted the padlock from the door and burst into the cottage, revelling in the surprised cry that turned to squeaking within seconds.</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Uncle Sirius! Uncle Remus!”</p><p>“There you are, oh thank god!” Sirius exclaimed, dropping to his knees and clutching Harry to him as the little boy sprinted towards and fell against him. “Come here.” Sirius breathed, despite Harry already being there, his hair almost reaching his collar now and curling at the ends. “Let me look at you. Yep, still bloody gorgeous!” He laughed, tickling Harry. “Well-fed, no broken limbs, completely perfect in every way as usual. Looks like Molly did a good job of looking after you, hey?”</p><p>“Yes it was very nice but can we go home now?”</p><p>Sirius chuckled again and gave Harry one last tight squeeze before turning him towards Remus. “Sure we can, I’ll go up and get your stuff. Here, Moony, your turn.”</p><p>“Hello mate.” Remus grinned as Harry hurried towards him and reached up to be lifted.</p><p>“Did you catch the bad guy?” He whispered conspiratorially, as though wary of the Weasleys overhearing him spilling his family secret.</p><p>Remus nodded enthusiastically. “We did. He won’t be bothering any of us ever again.”</p><p>“So we don’t ever have to be apart again?”</p><p>“Never ever.”</p><p>“Promise?”</p><p>“Pinky promise.” Remus said, holding out his curled little finger for Harry to twist around his own.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Arthur swung Harry up onto his shoulders, as he had done with all of his sons when they were around Harry’s age and almost tripped as Ron and Ginny attached themselves to each of his legs, forcing him to stomp around the garden like somebody made of concrete.</p><p>“He’ll pull a muscle doing that.” Remus chuckled.</p><p>“Oh Arthur will never slow down, not when it comes to playing with the kids.” Chuckled Molly. “He feels bad for working so much, so when he’s home, he’s well and truly home. He dedicates everything to them.”</p><p>“And to Harry. We really appreciate that Molly. What the both of you do for that boy is beyond generosity.”</p><p>“Of course Harry too! You must know by now that we see him and the both of you as members of this family. It would be strange not to have you all around. I’m glad the kids are all growing up together, they’re all getting the benefit from it.”</p><p>Sirius sighed happily and took a sip of tea. Ever since they had succeeded in apprehending Pettigrew, life had felt nothing but pleasant.</p><p>Later that night, Sirius asked, “Why don’t I have any brothers and sisters?” seemingly out of nowhere.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Ron has five brothers and one sister.” Harry reeled off proudly, clearly having memorised this information. Then, with slight confusion, he added, “I don’t have any.”</p><p>“Well that’s because you were the only child that your parents had.” Sirius replied patiently.</p><p>“Why didn’t they have more?”</p><p>“They got it perfect the first time round.” Sirius smiled weakly.</p><p>“Sirius…” Remus mumbled, unsure that was the right answer to give the inquisitive little boy.</p><p>“Well I’m sure they would have done, but they died before they had the chance.”</p><p>“Oh…”</p><p>“Harry, we talked about this, remember, about your parents...”</p><p>The little boy nodded, avoiding his godfather's gaze. “Yes I remember.”</p><p>“Do we need to talk about it some more?”</p><p>“No thank you, not today.”</p><p>“Alright then, how about a hug?”</p><p>There was a big difference between hugging Sirius and hugging Remus, but Harry liked them both equally. Sirius was always radiating with gentle warmth, even in the dead of winter. The jumpers he wore were usually woollen, and often fraying at the edges. He was one of the only recipients of Molly Weasley’s Christmas jumpers that was genuinely grateful for them and wore them as much as he could until the Spring weather made it impossible. When he was unsure of what was happening around him, or he felt shy in the presence of people he didn’t know that well, Harry would play with the cuffs of Sirius’ jumpers, pulling on the threads and twisting them together with his fingers. Sirius never minded, and kept chatting to whoever was there without paying much attention to Harry scrabbling at his wrists. Harry seemed to fit perfectly beside Sirius no matter where they were sitting. His godfather’s arm would rest just above Harry’s shoulder, leaving enough room for Harry to either lean against him and put his head on Sirius’ ribs, or wriggle away if he wanted to. They fit together so well, it was as if Harry had been moulded to be by his godfather’s side and never to stray too far.</p><p>Remus’ body temperature was naturally a lot lower than Sirius’, but Harry never felt cold when he was near him. Even if he began to shiver slightly in the winter months, he would have a jumper or a thick blanket thrust upon him within seconds so that Remus could stay with him without Harry being uncomfortable. Remus read to Harry a lot, particularly at night, and he would tuck the boy in under the covers and keep himself above them to keep him warm, but Harry always found himself moving closer to see the book and nuzzling himself under Remus’ arm to do so. His jumpers were different to Sirius’, always textured and sometimes a little bit scratchy. The covered his whole torso, finishing high on his neck, but when he was doing something, like reading to Harry, he would push the sleeves up to his elbows, revealing the deep silver scars on his arms. These fascinated Harry and he would run his fingers over the different textures while he listened to Remus’ melodic voice reading aloud. Depending on the time of the month, Remus’ hands would shake as they turned the pages of the books, but Harry didn’t mind. The vibrations that his body made against the little boy’s were soothing, and if the shaking ever got too bad, Harry would just move the book into his own lap and let Remus read it from there.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Three days later, Sirius woke suddenly and fell over his own chair in his haste to get to the back door, sending it clattering to the floor and smacking into the table. He wrenched open the door and had to stop himself from yelping in surprise as the limp body of Remus fell against his shins. He was naked, his body bloodied and bruised, and he seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness. “Moony?” Sirius said, his voice thin and croaky from lack of use, as he leant down and lifted his friend half into his lap. “Moony, wake up. You’re home, you’re safe. You’re you again. Come on mate.”</p><p>“It was bad this time, Padfoot. It was really bad.”</p><p>“Well I can see that. Come on, help me as much as you can and we’ll get you up to bed.” Together they stumbled through the house, trying not to crash into the furniture and wake Harry up. They were cutting it close anyway, as Harry usually began to stir at this time in the morning, but both men were relieved to make it back to Remus’ room without any sign of the little boy. “He must still be asleep.” Sirius whispered as they walked through the bedroom door and Sirius lowered Remus into his bed. He heard his friend inhale sharply and Sirius glanced up to check what hurt, but instead saw Remus’ frightened eyes trained on the doorway. He had spoken too soon. Sirius turned and began his stride towards the door in the same movement, his arms reaching out for Harry. “Give me a second, mate,” He said, swooping Harry up into his grip. “Go and wait in your room for a bit, I’ll be right in. You can play for a while-...”</p><p>“Remus-…”</p><p>“Is going to be just fine, he’s just a little bit sore. He’s not feeling very well, like when you had that cold, remember? You had to stay all tucked up in bed for a few days, didn’t you? Well, it’s a bit like that, Uncle Remus just needs his rest.” He put Harry down again just inside the boy’s own bedroom door. “I’ll be right back to give you your breakfast, alright? Won’t be long.” He clicked the door shut behind him, hiding Harry’s confused face from view and hurrying back to Remus’ side.</p><p>“I don’t know how to explain it to him.” Remus whimpered and Sirius neared the bed again and gently lifted the covers up over his friend’s chest.</p><p>“You don’t have to, I’m going to do that." Sirius said firmly. "Don’t worry about it. You need to get some sleep, we can assess the damage later.”</p><p>“He’s going to hate me.” Remus uttered, his eyes focused on the window rather than on Sirius. He wasn’t listening to his friend, he was too preoccupied with what he thought might happen now.</p><p>“He could never-…”</p><p>“He’s four years old and he lives with a werewolf." Remus burst out. "Can’t you imagine how terrifying that would be?”</p><p>“He barely knows what a werewolf is, all he’ll see is the same old Uncle Remus. Don’t worry about anything, Moony, I’m going to handle this. Try and get some rest.”</p><p>“Sirius, I’ve got to go.” </p><p>“No. No you don’t. I won’t allow it. You think you can just walk out on us now? Walk out on Harry? He would lose his mind if you left, he wouldn’t be able to comprehend losing someone that he loves as much as you. I’m sorry Moony, I’m not doing this for you or even for me, I’m doing it for Harry. You are in too deep with this family, you can’t leave.”</p><p>“But-…”</p><p>“No buts." Sirius cut him off. "Now, get some sleep, I have to go take care of the kid.”</p><p>“Sirius?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You wanna know the worst part?”</p><p>Sirius' hardness fell away. “Oh… Um…”</p><p>“The worst part wasn’t transforming... or even doing it alone. It was the realisation that I’m always going to be alone.” Remus sobbed. “The reason you couldn’t come with me is the same reason James and Peter couldn’t come with me either.”</p><p>“Don’t-…”</p><p>Remus shook his head determinedly. “I won’t pretend he wasn’t my friend. I know what he’s done and I’ll never forgive him, but I can separate our school friend from a murderer even if you can’t.”</p><p>Sirius nodded hesitantly. “Okay, sorry…”</p><p>“I won’t leave, unless Harry is scared. If he wants me to go, I will go and I won’t come to you to discuss it. Okay?”</p><p>“Deal.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next day, Remus woke to Harry climbing onto the foot of his bed. “Hi there.” He smiled weakly at the little boy.</p><p>“Hello.. Are you alright?”</p><p>“Yes.” Remus replied firmly, trying to sound convincing. He cleared his throat. “Are you?”</p><p>Harry shrugged. “Sure… Uncle Remus?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Where do you go when you leave?”</p><p>Remus sighed. He’d been dreading his conversation since Harry was born. “I go into the woods. I… I live there for a few days.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I have a medical condition." He tried to keep his voice steady. "It’s called Lycanthropy. It’s a condition where… once a month I turn into something that is not me. A creature that is capable of all sorts of things.”</p><p>“Like Sirius when he becomes the dog?”</p><p>“Sort of." Remus smiled weakly. "But you see, Harry, Sirius chooses to transform and when he’s in his other state he’s still very much himself. He’s capable of conscious and rational thought. I don’t choose to transform. If I had the choice, I would never  transform.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“It’s very painful to do, and because I’m not myself, I have the ability to do horrible things. Things that I could never and would never want to do when I’m myself.”</p><p>“What do you turn into?”</p><p>Remus took a steadying breath. “A wolf. A werewolf to be exact. That’s why I go away, so that I won’t scare you or-… Well anyway, now you know.”</p><p>“How can you be?”</p><p>“When I was a little boy, even younger than you, a werewolf attacked me. His bite infected me with the condition but my father fought the creature off before he could kill me. If it wasn’t for my father I would be dead.”</p><p>“But you have to live with it? It’s where you got all your scars? It’s the reason you’re so unhappy?”</p><p>“Yes, but I’d much rather live with this condition than be dead. Harry, life is such a wonderful gift and I’m grateful every day to be alive. Sometimes I wonder how somebody with my condition can be alive and whether I deserve it, but I know that if I had died that night I would have missed out on so many incredible things.”</p><p>Harry summoned a small smile and leaned forward to put his hand on Remus'. “I’m glad you’re alive.”</p><p>“I’m glad you still like me even though you know my secret.”</p><p>“Of course I do, I’ll always like you. You’re Remus.” Harry furrowed his brow and then asked, “Does it have to stay a secret?”</p><p>Remus nodded gravely. “I’m afraid so. If people knew what I was, I mean if it became public knowledge, things could get very hard for me. Harder than they already are. That’s why I had to wait until you were old enough to understand properly, so you didn’t tell anybody.”</p><p>“Not even Ron?”</p><p>“Not even Ron. Not yet at least. Maybe one day.”</p><p>Harry nodded. "Okay." He crawled forward and collapsed onto Remus, hugging him tightly, letting him know that he still loved him no matter what.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. chapter twelve.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Four months later, Sirius and Harry received a letter summoning them to the Ministry of Magic for the start of Peter Pettigrew’s trial. However, Sirius refused to bring Harry and turned up alone, much to the displeasure of the counsel. “Mr Black, where is the child?” Demanded the Minister.</p><p>“I didn’t bring him.” Sirius rolled his eyes in derision.</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>Sirius’ jaw tightened. “I won’t let him be made a spectacle. I won’t have him be gawped at.”</p><p>The Minister gave an exasperated sigh, as though he realising he would have to speak as though Sirius were far less intelligent than previously presumed. “That child is the only witness to the deaths of Lily and James Potter and he is, as far as we know, the only person to have ever survived the direct impact of a killing curse, administered no less by the most powerful wizard of all time.”</p><p>“I know all of these things.” Sirius muttered. </p><p>“Then I’m sure that you will understand why I insist on adjourning this courtroom until you bring the boy with you.”</p><p>“Harry Potter was barely a year old on the night of the attack. He is now four years old. He doesn’t remember anything, he won’t understand-…”</p><p>“The people deserve to see him.” Another person called out. </p><p>Sirius rounded on them. “The people my ars-…”</p><p>“That’s enough, Sirius.” Dumbledore said calmly beside him. “We don’t want to say anything we will regret, do we.”</p><p>“This meeting is postponed until next Thursday at 3 o’clock.” The Minister snarled, and tapped his gavel on the podium, dismissing the room.</p><p>“They can’t force me to take him into that-… that-… that lion’s den, Professor. I won’t do it I-…” Sirius turned to his old headmaster who shook his head sadly.</p><p>“I’m afraid they can, Sirius, and they will. There’s no way around it. This is just one of many unpleasant experiences Harry will have to face in life.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The following Thursday afternoon, Sirius, Remus and Harry entered the Ministry of Magic as a unit, hoping there would be some kind of strength in numbers. The little boy clung to Sirius’ hand as they entered the large room and upon seeing all the eyes that latched onto him the moment they walked through the door, he pulled back and tried to leave. Sirius stooped down and swung Harry up into his arms, where the boy buried his face into the crook of his godfather’s neck, hiding beneath a curtain of hair, refusing to look at anyone else. Remus stuck close to them, looking almost as nervous as Harry as the Ministry officials and members of the general public took in his ragged appearance and deep scars. A few steps behind them came Molly Weasley, hurrying along in her bid to keep up with the long strides of Sirius and Remus. She clutched her handbag to her stomach, her fingertips pale white from gripping so hard, but her head was held high and she looked back at those that took her in determinedly. She was there for the best interest of Harry, and be damned anyone that tried to stop her, or tried to hurt him. Molly relaxed a little when she and Remus had sat in their assigned pew, directly behind Sirius and Harry and she was able to see Arthur on the other side of the auditorium. He raised his hand and waved briefly, but stuck his hand down again as quickly as he could, before he could be reprimanded by any of the senior Ministry officials.</p><p>Harry peeked out from behind Sirius’ collar and, seeing Remus and Molly straight ahead of him, broke out into a smile, reaching for them. Instinctively, Remus leaned forward to pick Harry up, his hands under the boy’s armpits, supporting him so that he did not fall between the pews. However, no sooner had Harry been transferred from the safety of Sirius’ arms into that of Remus’, a booming voice sounded from the front of the auditorium. “Put the boy back!” It commanded and the sound shuddered through the chests of everyone in the room. Its volume scared Harry, as did the reaction it caused in Remus who began to shake, despite staring back at the speaker with a steely gaze, and the little boy began to cry and clung harder to Remus, his arms wrapped around his neck.</p><p>“The boy must sit in the front pew.” A second voice, slightly softer but just as demanding said. “His only accompaniment may be his guardian.”</p><p>“Remus is as good as his guardian.” Sirius piped up, his hands balled into fists in his lap. “Harry may sit with who he likes.”</p><p>“Not legally.” He was corrected by the second voice, who was sitting on the left hand side of Fudge, who was yet to commence proceedings. “And you would do well to remember that you are in a Ministry building. The fact that Mr Lupin has even been permitted entrance is unheard of. We will not allow the endangerment of a child within these walls.” Sirius moved as if to stand, outraged by what he had heard, but Remus slammed his hand onto his friend’s shoulder, holding him down. The crowds gasped at the contact but Sirius did not even flinch.</p><p>“Just take him.” Remus muttered, unwrapping Harry’s arms from around his neck and passing him back to Sirius. “It’s not worth it.” He added trying to ignore the judgemental whispers that ran around the courtroom as if carried by a nonexistent wind. Werewolf. Monster. Murderer.</p><p>“Shall we begin?” Fudge said brightly, tapping his gavel as though signalling the beginning of a celebration. Sirius remained stiff and upright in his chair, as Harry’s cries reduced themselves to sniffs and the occasional whimper.</p><p>After a few minutes of the usual formal proceedings, in which no attention was given to their pews, Harry relaxed slightly and slid down so that he was sitting in Sirius’ lap instead of up on his knees, hiding his face. He would still only steal glances at the other people in the room, and would not have sat anywhere else for anything, but was calmer than he had been before. Sirius wondered if he understood even slightly the reason for their being here, and guilt began to gnaw at his heart as he realised that Harry trusted him not to put him in any danger or to upset him unnecessarily. So why, the boy would wonder, had he forced him to come here? As the proceedings wore on, still without any mention of Harry or Sirius, the little boy turned his attention to other things. For a little while he played with Sirius’ necklaces, one of his favourite pastimes. But he soon grew tired of that, to Sirius’ silent relief, the jangling of the chains and ornaments was drawing unnecessary attention from those seated closest to them. Noticing that he might begin to make noise, or worse try and understand what was being said, Molly leant forward and handed Harry one of the toys that she had brought with her in her handbag for such an occasion. It was the purple dragon that Charlie had gifted to Harry when he was a baby, and it occupied him until Fudge was ready to talk about him.</p><p>As the conversation turned to questions about Harry, Sirius became focused on the Minister and his fellow officials, and didn’t notice Harry slipping off of his lap onto the bench space beside him. Remus and Molly were also intently focused on the proceedings, as an official document outlining the events of the night of Voldemort’s disappearance and the deaths of Lily and James Potter were read out. Harry dropped the dragon onto the floor beneath the pew and, after realising it was too far for him to reach, decided to find something else to occupy his attention. To his delight, it was at this moment, that his Snitch seemingly awoke and rose out of his pocket. Harry reached out for it, as if to grab it, but the gold ball remained teasingly out of reach, leading Harry along the bench. Before he could get to the end of the bench, and presumably topple off, the boy reached an obstacle. A wizard in long silvery robes, with a matching long silvery beard had sat down at the end of the bench, and was rolling the Snitch, whose wings had now retracted, over his fingers. Harry watched, his jaw lolling open at the way the light caught the Snitch and it ran over the wizard’s fingers as though it were not even touching them. Finally the wizard clasped the Snitch in his palm, folding his fingers over it. He tucked the Snitch back into Harry’s pocket. “Hello Harry Potter.” He whispered, his eyes glinting as they glanced out over the procession. Nobody had noticed that Harry had moved, so horrified were they by what was being said. Even Sirius was seemingly hypnotised by the information being given, despite having heard it all before. “I think it would be best if you returned to your godfather’s side.” Advised the older wizard. “We wouldn’t want anyone thinking he doesn’t know how to keep an eye on you, now would we?” Harry shook his head and obediently crawled back to Sirius’ side.</p><p>Feeling Harry move against him, Sirius put his arm around the boy protectively, before his attention turned back to Fudge. Harry looked back down the bench and was pleased to see that the wizard in the silvery robes was still settled there, smiling softly and listening along with everyone else. “Now we come to the part where it is decided what must be done. Sirius Black, the child clearly relies on you. I do not think it unwise that he should stay under your guardianship until he comes of age.”</p><p>Sirius’ eyes shone furiously. “Was that ever in question?”</p><p>“Regardless, it has been proven that the child is well taken care of, despite the company he keeps.”</p><p>“Mr Lupin has been in Harry's company since the day the child was born and even stood guard at Lily Potter’s hospital bed side in the days following the birth alongside other Order members in the event that she or the child be approached by one of Voldemort’s followers.” Dumbledore spoke up suddenly, standing grandly and leaning forward onto the back on the bench in front of him. He commanded the attention of the room and it seemed as though they trusted what he said. “He has never harmed this or any child in any capacity, and has on several occasions removed himself from the company of Harry Potter because he was unsure it was in the child’s best interest for him to stay. I will happily vouch for both men as guardians of Harry James Potter. He could be in no better hands, expect perhaps, if his parents had not been murdered, which is in fact what we are actually here to discuss.”</p><p>“Very well, Dumbledore. Sirius Black, you accuse Mr Peter Pettigrew of betraying James and Lily Potter and passing their whereabouts to He Who Must Not Be Named, is this correct?”</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>“Albus Dumbledore, you also accuse Mr Pettigrew of said betrayal.”</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>“Then you shall both be pleased to hear that I have recently received information that Pettigrew has been charged with the murders of Lily Potter and James Potter and that a date has been set for his trial. Until the time of his trial he will remain in Azkaban prison. The trial will take place in six months time-…”</p><p>“Six months?” Sirius repeated angrily. “Why not now?”</p><p>“There is a procedure to these things, and if we are to ensure that the proper guilty person is punished we must take our time-…”</p><p>“Take your time? James and Lily were murdered nearly four years ago.”</p><p>“Other things must be taken into account, we must gather witnesses and people that will testify against Pettigrew. Other Death Eaters have also been arrested and they will be put on trial together at that time. There are others that are yet to be apprehended. Six months, Mr Black.”</p><p>Sirius sighed and sat down. “Six months.”</p><p>“I look forward to seeing you then. This meeting is dismissed.”</p><p>Sirius breathed out heavily, letting his face fall into his hands. “Sirius.” Dumbledore pressed his hand into Sirius’ shoulder.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Did you hear what the Minister said? Peter Pettigrew is going to trial and then he will be formally charged with the murders of Lily and James Potter. Their son, your godson, is safe.”</p><p>“I-… Oh my god…”</p><p>“I know this is a lot to take in, but it will sink in sooner than you think. I’ve sent word to all of the remaining Order members and Arthur Weasley. There is to be a celebratory dinner at the Burrow tonight. I hope I'll see you there.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>That night, Sirius caught Molly alone in the living room of the Burrow. “I’m sorry it got left to you to organise all of this Molly, especially at such late notice.”</p><p>“Nonsense.” She insisted, waving his apologies away with a flap of her hand. “It was no bother at all. I only wish it had come sooner. Although, I wish even more that it had been necessary for us to all be so sad and afraid for so long. Still, we can’t focus on the pains of the past, can we?”</p><p>“Only the joys of the future.” Sirius grinned in response.</p><p>“Exactly. Come on, they’ll be waiting for us in the kitchen.” She smiled and they wandered through the house together.</p><p>Somebody had thrown George’s hand-knitted jumper from the previous Christmas over Ginny to keep her warm, and everyone cooed at the way the letter stitched on the front applied to her as well as her older brother and she ran around as best she could, trying not to stumble as the hem caught on her feet. Eventually, she got her foot stuck and was close to falling chin first onto the hard floor but Bill swooped down and caught her before she could get hurt.</p><p>“Who was the old man that sat on our bench?” Asked Harry when Sirius sat down beside him at the table.</p><p>“Albus Dumbledore.” Sirius replied. “The greatest wizard that ever lived and, funnily enough, Headmaster at Hogwarts. He should be arriving here soon.”</p><p>“Will he be my Headmaster when I go there?”</p><p>“I should think so, he seems to be going fairly strong.” Sirius shrugged. “I don’t see him giving up that particular gig any time soon.”</p><p>“Was he your Headmaster when you were at school?”</p><p>“Oh yes, Dumbledore saw his fair share of our mischief over those seven years.” Smirked Sirius. “Your dad and him became particularly close if I remember correctly.”</p><p>“Really? Dumblerdodie liked my dad?”</p><p>“Dumbledore,” Sirius corrected gently. “I’m not sure if liked is quite the right word, they just saw a lot of each other because your dad was always being sent to his office for misbehaving.”</p><p>That night, long after Harry had been put to bed with the other children, Sirius found Remus sitting alone in the darkness of the Weasleys’ kitchen. “Those people in the courtroom were right.” Remus whispered.</p><p>“Don’t be silly. Moony I-…”</p><p>“Did I ever tell you what my father said at Greyback’s trial?”</p><p>“No…”</p><p>“He said that werewolves are soulless and evil and deserving of nothing but death. He hated Greyback for making me what I am, but he couldn’t deny that I had become all of those things.”</p><p>“No Moony, come on. We’ve gone over this time and time again. Please, you have to know. You aren’t any of those things. You’re not defined by this.”</p><p>“But-...”</p><p>“No. Sorry, but no. I won’t hear it. You’re the exception to the rule, you always have been. Please, just try and get some sleep.”</p><p>Remus looked like he wanted to protest but he nodded and stood to go upstairs. “Thanks, Padfoot.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. chapter thirteen.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Three days later, Sirius woke to the sound of screaming, followed by loud, frightened sobs. He fell out of his bed, the sheets tangling around with and, after banging his shin on his chest of drawers in the darkness, sprinted through the house towards Harry’s bedroom. When he reached it, he was relieved to see Remus already inside, puffing slightly from the exertion of having run there. He had obviously not yet gone to bed, and was still dressed. The book he had been reading was discarded on the floor, and Harry had climbed into his lap and was crying into his neck. Remus glanced up as Sirius entered the room and waved his hand to indicate that his friend should put his wand away, so as not to scare Harry further. “Sorry.” Sirius mumbled. “I didn’t know what had happened, it was a panic move. Is he alright?”</p><p>Remus opened his mouth to answer, but the sound of his godfather’s voice spurred Harry out of Remus’ arms and he half-crawled along the bed to reach Sirius, re-enacting the pose onto him. He was still crying, but this subsided after a few minutes into snuffling breaths. “I’ll go get him a glass of water.” Remus told Sirius, gently rising from the bed. “Want a cuppa?”</p><p>“Go on then, if you’re making. Might be a long night.” Sirius kept rocking Harry until his sobs had subsided and then said, “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?” Against Sirius’ skin, Harry nodded, his warm face pressed against Sirius. “Do you want to tell me about it?”</p><p>“She was scared…” Harry mumbled.</p><p>“Scared? Who was scared?”</p><p>“The lady in my dream. She kept screaming, but the bad man was laughing at her.” Sirius' blood ran cold. Surely it couldn’t be, surely he couldn’t remember that night… “And then everything went green and I was hurt…”</p><p>“Hurt?”</p><p>“Here.” Harry said, rubbing his scar roughly. “It still hurts, Sirius.”</p><p>“Okay, okay. Well, don’t rub it like that, you’ll make it worse. Harry, this is important. When you say everything went green, what do you mean?”</p><p>“It was like a flash of light and it covered everything, and then the lady stopped screaming but the bad man’s laughter got louder and louder. Everything went so green and so bright that I couldn’t see anything and then it went black, and my head hurt so badly I woke up.”</p><p>“Oh my god…”</p><p>“What does it mean, Sirius?”</p><p>“What does what mean?” Remus asked, entering the room backwards, pushing the door with his foot and carrying all three of their drinks in his hands.</p><p>“Nothing.” Sirius said quickly, but the way his eyes met with Remus’ told the latter that he was lying. He didn’t want to scare Harry any further, but he and Remus would need to talk about this. “It was just a nasty dream, I’m sure you won’t have it again. Besides, even if you do, dreams are just dreams. They can’t touch you. They can’t hurt you-…”</p><p>“But it did  hurt me.”</p><p>“Just a coincidence, mate.” Sirius assured him, brushing his thumb over the scar. “You must have hit it while you were sleeping and caught a nerve by accident, or maybe you were getting a headache anyway. You’ll be alright.”</p><p>“Okay…” Harry mumbled, unconvinced.</p><p>“Here, drink up your water.” Remus handed the glass to Harry who gulped it down thirstily, his face tight and itchy from crying.</p><p>“Let’s go and wash your face, shall we?” Harry, who had already brightened up considerably, ready to forget the distress of the last few minutes, toddled ahead of his godfather in the direction of the bathroom.</p><p>Remus grabbed Sirius’ shoulder at the door, stopping him. “What’s wrong? What did he see in that dream?” He asked in a coarse whisper.</p><p>Sirius’ eyes flickered towards the bathroom, checking Harry was out of hearing distance. “I think he may remember more than we thought about that night in Godric’s Hollow.”</p><p>“You don’t mean-…”</p><p>“Harry saw his mother’s murder, maybe his father's as well, and he saw Voldemort try and kill him too. We always knew that. But the fact that he remembers what it was like… We need to talk to Dumbledore.”</p><p>“I’ll watch over him tonight,” Remus promised. “I’ll be here in case he wakes up again.”</p><p>“No, that’s alright. It’s late and nobody at the school will be expecting me. We’ll go tomorrow and we’ll take Harry with us. I think it’s time he saw where his parents met, where we all grew up.”</p><p>Remus summoned a small smile. “Where he’s going to grow up.”</p><p>“Exactly.” Sirius nodded before hurrying down the corridor to help Harry get washed before he put him back to bed.</p><p>They did as they had decided the very next day, arriving at Hogwarts just after morning classes had begun. Dumbledore summoned McGonagall and asked her to take Harry for a tour of the castle and grounds, while he and Harry’s guardians had a chat. Although Sirius had never thought of Minerva McGonagall as a particularly maternal woman, her face lit up at the chance to spend some time with Harry and she had him out of the door within seconds. Sirius and Remus turned back to Dumbledore and told them about Harry’s dream, between them talking non-stop for over twenty minutes. “But he couldn’t possibly be remembering that night and him… could he?” Sirius pressed Dumbledore, hoping for an answer that might assuage his worries instead of making them worse.</p><p>Dumbledore sighed and leant back in his chair. “I think he could be. Trauma like that certainly doesn’t go unnoticed, even if one so young.”</p><p>“Do you think we should be worried?” Asked Remus, his brow so furrowed that his eyebrows almost met in the centre of his forehead.</p><p>“I wouldn’t be surprised if you were… But no, I think for now they are just dreams.”</p><p>“For now?”</p><p>“One day at a time, Remus.” An hour or so later, and several round-a-bout conversations about Harry and Voldemort, McGonagall and Harry reentered the office. “Ah Minerva, there you are. And you’ve brought Harry back to us, how wonderful!”</p><p>“We had a very nice walk.” McGonnagal beamed, looking down at Harry as he ran into the centre of the room without any self-consciousness.</p><p>“Sirius, I met a giant!”</p><p>“Half-giant,” McGonnagal corrected gently. “Hagrid was out in the grounds and invited us in for tea.”</p><p>“You didn’t eat the rock cakes did you?” Sirius asked, peering at Harry’s teeth.</p><p>McGonagall chuckled. “Have no fear. I told Hagrid that Harry was allergic to rock cakes and asked if he had any biscuits instead. He happily obliged with some Custard Creams.”</p><p>Harry beckoned for Remus to lower himself down so that he could whisper in his ear while Sirius continued his conversation with Dumbledore and McGonagall. “She can turn into a cat!” He said excitedly. “Just like Sirius can turn into a dog!”</p><p>“I know,” Remus replied, matching Harry’s enthusiasm. “Isn’t it remarkable?”</p><p>“Will I be able to do that?”</p><p>“Maybe one day, but it’s very difficult and technically you have to get a license to do it-…” But Harry had lost interest in the technicalities and moved off to wander around the room, gawping at all of Dumbledore’s things.</p><p>“Mind you don’t touch anything.” Sirius called out after him.</p><p>“I won’t break anything!” Came Harry’s cheeky reply.</p><p>“I’m more concerned that something might break you. No offence, Headmaster, but you can never be too sure what everything in this castle is going to do at any given time.”</p><p>“None taken, you’re quite right. However, I did child-proof my office when I received your letter on the chance that Harry would spend any time here. I can’t say the same for the rest of the castle, so should you decide to embark on a nostalgic tour of the place I would advise you to keep a close eye on him.”</p><p>“He was quite alright when we went outside.” McGonnagal reassured them. “Just watch some of the suits of armour, they’ve been playing up recently.”</p><p>“They’re just bored, Minerva. This happens every thirty years or so, if we were to just let them have one duel then-…”</p><p>“Headmaster, this is a school not a medieval battleground. It’s not safe and-…”</p><p>“Very well! Your reasoning has won me over again, my dear Professor. Now, let’s see if I have any-…” Dumbledore had been about to offer Harry a tray full of sweets but a loud crashing sound and a surprised ‘oof’ came from behind the adults.</p><p>In the same moment that they all registered what had happened, Sirius had already run across the office to where Harry was now trapped beneath Fawkes’ perch, covered in ash and soot. “Are you hurt?” He asked briskly, trying to pick Harry up and brush him down with one hand and readjust the perch with the other.</p><p>“No.” Harry replied, still ogling the perch with great interest, fingering the dusty grey substance he was now covered in.</p><p>“What did I tell you about touching things,” Sirius scolded quietly. “Look what a mess you’ve made. Sorry Professor, I’ll clean this up for you-…”</p><p>“Nonsense!” Dumbledore said brightly and flicked his wand. A mini tornado of ash built up around Sirius and Harry, who started giggling with excitement, and blew it all back into the once-again erect perch. “Since Harry is not hurt there is absolutely no damage done! An inquisitive mind is something to be nurtured, he was simply exploring!”</p><p>“And now he knows not to go poking through other people’s things.” Sirius concluded, lifting Harry up and moving back towards the others, the ash in the air tickling his nose.</p><p>“This is the only occasion in which I would advise you not to listen to your wise godfather, young Mr Potter.” Dumbledore said as Harry arrived back beside him. “Curiosity is a wonderful thing to have and I hope you retain it until you get to Hogwarts, at which time we can make sure it becomes an even more useful skill.”</p><p>“Albus, I’m not sure telling Harry to go through other people’s things is very wise-…”</p><p>“Quite right, once again! Don’t listen to me, Harry.” The boy nodded, confused. “Well unless we have anything more to discuss, I think it best if you begin your tour. Professor McGonnagal, perhaps you would show Harry and his guardians to Gryffindor Tower, I’m sure there are some articles in there that will be of particular interest to them all.”</p><p>“Certainly, Headmaster. Although I’m quite sure Mr Black and Mr Lupin remember the way.”</p><p>“Of course! Sirius, keep an eye out for an owl from me over the next few weeks. We may need to reconsider some things, as well as monitoring the situation at hand.”</p><p>“Yes, Headmaster. Thank you for your time.” Both he and Remus shook hands with Dumbledore, while Harry contented himself with waving goodbye in a very exaggerated fashion. Then they all filed out of Dumbledore’s office and into the corridors of Hogwarts.</p><p>A few minutes later, McGonagall let Sirius, Remus and Harry into his Gryffindor Common Room and tutted as she began tidying it up, despite the fact that the students and house-elves were, between them, supposed to keep it neat. Sirius and Remus both inhaled sharply and McGonnagal whipped around to see what had taken them by surprise. She followed their gaze and landed on the large portraits of Lily and James in their final year. They were wearing their Gryffindor robes and their Head Girl and Head Boy badges sparkled on their chests. They beamed out into the Common Room, regarding the students with a mixture of pride and care. Every once in a while they caught sight of one another and Lily would wink flirtatiously before pretending not to notice him, while James’ hands went to his heart and he acted dramatically love-struck. “Oh… I’d forgotten about that.” McGonnagal said weakly. “Dumbledore had them put there just after they died, to remind the students of the true meaning of Gryffindor house. Courage and love above all else.”</p><p>“They certainly exemplify those things.” Remus mumbled, unable to take his eyes away from the portraits.</p><p>“Have you no photographs of them?”</p><p>“We do.” Sirius said. “But none from the last year at Hogwarts and only a few from before that. Dorcas had a camera, she got it in third year, but it broke at the end of sixth and James and Lily weren’t together before then.”</p><p>“We have quite a lot of Lily, and ones of James from when he was growing up.” Remus went on, peering a little closer at the portrait. “A couple of all of us that were taken in the Common Room when our two groups started hanging out more in sixth year but then none until we joined the Order and Dorcas got a new camera and Alice had hers. We have loads of that time.”</p><p>“All of the students know the story, of their bravery and their sacrifice.” She assured them.</p><p>“And their love? Do they know that bit?”</p><p>“Of course, Sirius.” She smiled, patting his arm. “That’s the most important part, and the part that I try to instil in the students the most. I want them to know that you can be the strongest and the bravest person alive, but if you live without love then there’s no point to any of it. What is the point in being brave enough to fight if you have nobody to fight for? If you can’t use it to protect the people that you love.” Sirius smiled to himself, remembering the parenting lessons that Molly Weasley had imparted on him in the first hazy, grief-fuelled weeks of being Harry’s sole guardian. Love, love above all else. She had been right. He didn’t need to be the bravest or the strongest person in Harry’s life to protect him, he just had to love him more than he loved himself or anybody else. And that he did. And so far, it had worked out well. </p><p>At that moment, McGonnagal trailed off as the sound of voices sounded at the entrance to the Common Room and a moment later the portrait swung open and revealed a gaggle of Gryffindor students, including Bill and Charlie Weasley. Sirius and Remus grinned at the sight of them, the sadness melting away from their hearts. It took the boys a second to even notice they were there, as they were engrossed in a passionate discussion about Quidditch with their fellow students. Charlie was the first to see them and elbowed Bill hard in the ribs. “Ouch! What was that for?” His older brother berated him, but the action was enough to bring Bill’s attention to the wider room and to see Sirius and Remus standing there. But unlike his younger brother, Bill was not as excited to see them. Noticing McGonagall beside them, Bill paled and strode over to the three adults. “What’s happened?” He asked briskly. “Is it our mum and dad? Where are the other kids?”</p><p>“Calm down, William.” McGonnagal said. “This is just a coincidence.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, mate.” Sirius added, putting a hand on Bill’s head. “We were just here to see Dumbledore so we thought we’d show Harry our old stomping grounds. Your family are perfectly fine, in fact we’re having dinner with them tonight.”</p><p>“Really? That’s good then.”</p><p>“You are such a drama queen.” Charlie rolled his eyes as he walked past them to put his books down on a nearby table before returning to his brother’s side amidst laughter from the others in the room.</p><p>Bill blushed so Remus swiftly changed the subject. “Maybe you two can show Harry the trophy cabinet!”</p><p>“I think I’ll take my leave.” McGonnagal said as Harry trotted back into view and the boys ran over to greet him. “Dinner is soon and after my constitutional with Harry I’m quite famished. I’m keen to see that everything is in order. I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other soon.”</p><p>“Definitely, thank you, Professor. Harry, say thank you to Professor McGonnagal for showing you the castle.”</p><p>“Thank you MacGonigull.”</p><p>“You’re very welcome, Master Potter. I can see you’ll fit in very well here when the time comes. Good evening to you all.” She smiled at Sirius and Remus, nodded at Bill and Charlie, then turned on her heel to leave the Common Room.</p><p>“Oh wait, Professor. Do you think it would be alright if we took Bill and Charlie to dinner with us tonight? Give them a night at home and a fun surprise for Molly and Arthur. I can drop them back tomorrow morning bright and early for their classes.”</p><p>“I don’t see why not, providing the boys want to go.”</p><p>“Pass up Molly’s cooking?” Sirius snorted. “I don’t think so.” The question was proposed to Bill and Charlie and they both passionately agreed immediately, and even Harry yelped in excitement at the prospect. “I’ll help them get packed up.” Sirius said to Remus while McGonagall continued out of the portrait-hole. “We need to be leaving sharpish if we’re going to be on time.”</p><p>“I’ll follow you up in a minute or two,” Remus said absently, his eyes following Harry as he ran around the Common Room. “It might be fun for him to see where he’ll be sleeping every night in a few years time.” Sirius followed the stairs behind Bill and Charlie, but let them slip into their own dormitories while he continued up until he found the one he was looking for. The one belonging to the seventh year boys. He let himself in and braced himself for the sight.</p><p>Sirius’ breaths came ragged and slow as he neared the edge of the bed furthest to the right, against the wall. Another boy’s pyjamas lay rumpled, discarded in a rushed awakening that morning, amidst the unmade bed sheets. The sight was eerie. James, unlike his son, had never made his bed, and so in this state it looked exactly as it always had when James had been the one to sleep there. It was as if they had just missed him on his way down to breakfast and if they had arrived only a minute or two earlier they might have run into him on the stairs. Sirius’ gaze switched to the wall beside the bed. The boy that slept here now was a Quidditch fan too and the posters and flashing cards that were pinned to the wall attested to it. There was a photograph of a good looking family, three girls and two boys, all of them blonde. Definitely not James. Sirius thought. Not even close.</p><p>A snatch of white on the wall, peeking out from behind one of the posters, caught his eye and his stomach jolted as he registered the chip in the paintwork. His mind was flooded with images of their last day at Hogwarts, packing in a rush to leave and join the Order. They were working in silence, too worked up to discuss what they thought might be coming their way. Then, the sound of ripping, drawn out as though the culprit was trying to cause as little damage as possible. James, his expression guilty and amused, turned and revealed a large hole in the paintwork, which had come away when he tried to take down a large photograph of the Gryffindor team after winning the cup the first year James had played with them. It had been there such a long time it had seemingly fused to the wall. The air in the dormitory was tense and anxious, but his face made Sirius snort and Remus and Peter fell into laughter alongside him. “Good thing we’re leaving of our own accord, Filch would be having me expelled for this!”</p><p>Sirius left the room in a hurry, passing Remus on the stairs. “Okay?”</p><p>“Yep, just hungry. Come on boys! Let’s go!” He decided against telling Remus what he had seen and how it had made him feel. Some things it was easier to handle alone.</p><p>A few minutes later, he, Remus, Harry, Bill and Charlie used McGonagall’s fireplace to travel to the Burrow. They terrified Molly by toppling out onto her kitchen rug but she was soon delighted to see her sons and covered them in kisses. “We’re allowed to stay the night but Remus has to take us back first thing tomorrow morning so we don’t miss any lessons.” Charlie told her.</p><p>“Quite right too.” She laughed before running to scrounge a good dinner together.</p><p>Ginny ran into the room to see what all the fuss was about and squealed when she saw her brothers, sprinting to hug them both tight, and then Sirius, Remus and Harry too. “Look at you Gingerbread!” Sirius chuckled, lifting her up and twirling her around. “You’re growing up so quickly!”</p><p>“She’s certainly catching up to her brothers, isn’t she?” Molly called back as Ginny paused, having been dropped back to the floor by Sirius, and surveyed Remus solemnly.</p><p>“Everything alright, Ginny?” He asked her, an amused smile quirked on his lips.</p><p>“Why do you wear sad colours all the time?” She tugged on the hem of his grey jumper.</p><p>Remus faltered. “I-... I don’t know.”</p><p>“You should wear happy colours.” She declared, twirling her own multi-coloured skirt around as an example. “They’ll make you happy.”</p><p>“I’ll remember that.” He promised her. “Thank you, Ginny.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. chapter fourteen.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry James Potter is five years old. He knows that he is the child of James and Lily Potter. He knows that they died when he was one. He’s not sure how. He knows that he lives with his Uncle Sirius and his Uncle Remus in a big house that someone gave to Uncle Sirius when they died. The house has lots of good hiding places, even if it does make scary noises at night time. His best friend is Ron Weasley, but he likes the other Weasley siblings a lot as well. He does not cry when bath time is announced, but he does cry when the water gets in his eyes. When Uncle Remus is in charge of bath time, Harry is allowed to splash as much as he likes, which is good because his favourite game is ‘Submarine’ which involves quite a lot of splashing. Uncle Sirius doesn’t like it when Harry splashes because he once slipped on the water and twisted his ankle. He looked very funny hopping all over the place for the following three days. Harry spends a lot of time in and around the house. His favourite place changes every day. Sometimes it’s the garden, because he can play with his junior Quidditch set which, since he smashed the glass in the dining room door and cut his foot, is not allowed inside of the house. Other times, his favourite place is the attic room, where he can look out over the garden and the fields surrounding the big house. Uncle Sirius conjured a mattress for Harry to sit on when he’s up there, but he’s not allowed to sleep in the attic because of how cold it gets. There is a rather large hole in the roof, which, if Harry wanted to, he could easily climb through and get up onto the roof itself. But he doesn’t want to, yet. Harry James Potter is five years old, and ready to go to school.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The day before Harry’s fifth birthday, he, Sirius and Remus travelled to his Aunt Petunia’s house after having received a brief invitation in the Muggle mail. Petunia wanted Harry to accompany her, Vernon and Dudley to the zoo. Sirius and Remus didn’t tell Harry this, although they knew he would be over-the-moon, in case Petunia changed her mind at the last minute. In recent weeks, Harry had become obsessed with a brightly-illustrated encyclopaedia of animals that had been handed down to him by the Weasley twins, and Sirius knew he would love seeing all of the animals in the flesh. He only wished he could have been the one to take him first. Petunia opened the door to them, smiling briefly at Harry and thanking Sirius and Remus for bringing him politely. “What brought the invitation on?” Sirius asked before he could stop himself.</p><p>“It’s his birthday and I thought that most children enjoy the zoo. And, well, he doesn’t need looking after so much now-…”</p><p>“God forbid.” Sirius muttered bitterly.</p><p>“Sirius, we’re going to the zoo!” Harry squeaked, clutching his book to his chest and beaming.</p><p>“Actually mate,” Sirius dropped down onto one knee so that they was eye-level with Harry. “You’re going to the zoo… with your Auntie Petunia and your cousin Dudley. As a treat for your birthday!”</p><p>Harry’s face fell and he eyed his aunt, a complete stranger to him, suspiciously. “Why can’t you come?”</p><p>“I’m busy,” Sirius lied unconvincingly. “I’ve got a lot to do. Besides, I’ve been hanging out with you for five whole years! It’s your Auntie’s turn, alright?”</p><p>“I don’t want to go if you’re not coming.” Harry whispered, aware enough of manners that he didn’t want to hurt his aunt’s feelings, but also rather unwilling to do anything that he wasn’t one hundred percent on board with.</p><p>“Don’t be silly, of course you do. You’re going to see so many great things and when you get home you can tell me and Remus all about them! Now, Remus helped me get this for you.” He reached into the pocket of his robes and pulled out two coloured notes. “It’s ten pounds of Muggle money, just in case you want something from the cafe or the gift shop or something. Try not to waste it.” He pressed the note into Harry’s sweaty grip.</p><p>“I won’t.” The little boy promised solemnly.</p><p>“Good boy. Now give me a hug, I have to go.” He stood back up and looked at Petunia. “We’ll be back to pick you up from here at five o’clock. Right Petunia?”</p><p>“Five on the dot.” She confirmed.</p><p>“Wonderful, see you all then. Have a nice time. Come on, Remus.” He tugged his friend away from Number 4 Privet Drive before Sirius could talk himself out of letting Harry go on the day trip.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Sirius and Remus returned to Privet Drive a little before five and Petunia had whipped open the door to her house before they had even stepped through the garden gate. A second later, Harry came running out of the house, crying. “What’s wrong? Harry, what’s the matter?” Sirius stooped to hug him. “What’s happened?”</p><p>“I-… I-… I didn’t mean to…” Harry hiccuped, wiping his face hard with the back of his hand. Sirius stooped down and swung Harry up into his arms, pressing a kiss to the boy’s forehead as Harry buried his face into Sirius’ shoulder, still sobbing.</p><p>“Didn’t mean to do what?” Sirius whispered into his hair, stroking his back in circles in the hopes of calming his breathing down.</p><p>“He set the snake on my son.” Petunia screeched, though she tried to keep her voice low, presumably for the sake of the neighbours. “A boa constrictor-… wrapping itself around my poor Dudley. He could have been killed.”</p><p>“Petunia, I’m sorry-…” Remus began.</p><p>“Sorry? Sorry?” Petunia cried as though she thought an apology was vastly insufficient.</p><p>“…- But Harry could never have done it of his own volition. He’s too young to be able to control things like that. Sometimes they just happen-…”</p><p>“Not to normal children.” She spat cruelly..</p><p>Remus kept his voice level, trying to be patient with her. “Harry is normal, but he’s special too.”</p><p>“No. He’s a freak.” Petunia was so angry she was visibly shaking. “Like his father was. Like his mother.”</p><p>“That’s enough.” Sirius said sharply, cuddling Harry close and lifting him up as he stood. “We’ll be going now.”</p><p>“I won’t have that sort of thing, I simply won’t have it.”</p><p>“Then feel free to keep your invitations to yourself from now on.” Sneered Sirius and he, Remus and Harry walked back out of the gate and down Privet Drive.</p><p>“Did you have a good time?” Remus asked Harry when they had returned home and Harry had calmed down significantly.</p><p>“I rode there and back in a car!” Harry squeaked. “A real car!”</p><p>“That’s great, kiddo! And… the snake?”</p><p>“He was just telling me that he didn’t like living at the zoo and I thought it would be cool if he didn’t have to and then the glass in his cage disappeared and he left. He barely went near Dudley. He’s such a bossy boy.”</p><p>“Yes, he does seem the sort… The snake talked to you?”</p><p>“A little bit.” Harry said with a shrug before asking for a drink of water. Sirius and Remus exchanged glances but said no more. Sirius made a mental note to tell Dumbledore about this development the next time he wrote to him.</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Can you take him on his first day?” Sirius asked, packing away Harry’s toys as he tidied the living room.</p><p>“Why can’t you do it?”</p><p>“Pettigrew’s sentencing is that morning. I need to go and testify on behalf of Harry, and as James and Lily’s official choice of guardian for their son and estate.”</p><p>“You can call him Peter you know.”</p><p>“No. Peter was my friend.” Sirius said firmly. “As far as I’m concerned he died the same night as James and Lily. Pettigrew was their murderer and I intend to see him suffer for what he did.”</p><p>“As you wish.” Remus sighed. “But I’m not sure I’m the best choice as stand-in at Harry’s school.”</p><p>“Why not? You’re as good as his guardian anyway.”</p><p>“Yes but it’s a Muggle school. Think about how much wizards stare at me, and they’re far more used to unusual appearances.”</p><p>“They’ll just assume you had a car accident or something. Besides, it won’t be about you, it’ll be about Harry. The focus will be on him.”</p><p>“Exactly, that’s where the focus should be. I’m worried I’ll take away from that.”</p><p>“You won’t, you’re not half as interesting as you think you are.” Sirius teased him.</p><p>“What about Molly and Arthur?”</p><p>“In a Muggle school?”</p><p>“Sure, why not?”</p><p>Sirius shook his head distractedly. “Even if they could act like Muggles, Molly can’t go because of the kids and Arthur is going to be at the Ministry all day. He’ll be as busy with the trial as I’m going to be.”</p><p>“But-…”</p><p>“Moony, please. I have to go to the Ministry and Harry has to go to school, he can’t rock up by himself on his first day or they’ll notify Muggle authorities and the Ministry will decide I’m not fit to look after Harry and all hell will break loo-…”</p><p>“Fine, I’ll take him. Stop being such a drama queen.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>The following week at the Burrow, Molly grinned as she tailored Harry’s new school uniform to fit his skinny frame. “Can you believe he’s old enough to be going to school?”</p><p>“I know. Last night I couldn’t stop thinking about when Lily told us she was pregnant, and then the first time we saw him after he was born.” Sirius said. “And now he’s so big.”</p><p>“But even more than that. Just think, if he was any other kid, he wouldn’t be here at all. By all understanding, he should have died when he was one and now he’s at school.”</p><p>“And his parents aren’t here to see it.”</p><p>“What makes you so sure that they aren’t watching?” She challenged him with a twinkle in her eye.</p><p>The next morning marked Harry’s first day at school and Sirius was up with the lark trying to help him get ready. Finally, realising he was going to be late for Pettigrew’s trial, he hugged Harry and handed him over to Remus. “Alright then, I’d best be off before I start blubbing.”</p><p>“It’s okay to cry, Uncle Sirius.” Harry told him wisely.</p><p>“I know mate, but I don’t want to cry today. Today is a happy day.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Sirius walked back into the house that evening, grinning. “How was Harry’s first day?” He asked Remus, shrugging off his coat.</p><p>“We can talk about that in a minute. You’re forgetting something important.”</p><p>“The sentence?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Life in Azkaban. A proper punishment, finally.”</p><p>“Thank god.” Remus’ face split into a smile.</p><p>“It means Harry’s marginally safer than he was before, even though Voldemort still has followers out there. But he’s getting older now, that should mean that in a few years he’ll be able to start defending himself if need be… Why the face, Moony?”</p><p>Remus’ smile had soured slightly. “Look, I know he did the worst thing we could possibly imagine, and I’ll never forgive him for it. I agree that he should be locked up for it, of course I do. But I think about that place and all of a sudden I see the boy I met on the Hogwarts Express when I was eleven-…”</p><p>“That had a hand in the murder of one of the other boys you met on the Hogwarts Express when you were eleven.”</p><p>“They were both my friends, Sirius, and I’ve lost both of them now. I’m allowed to grieve for Peter too, or at least, the Peter we grew up with if not the man locked up in that prison.”</p><p>“Do what you need to do to make peace with it, Remus. I don’t miss him, I miss James and Lily and every other person we lost because of the actions of Voldemort’s soldiers, including Pettigrew.”</p><p>“I know…”</p><p>“We can talk about all of this another time.” Sirius shuddered. “I don’t want the good news to be overshadowed.”</p><p>“Well then, in my case, it’s my turn to share news, but it’s not good. I saw Cole at the school.”</p><p>“Cole?” Sirius’ face crossed from confusion to horror as the familiarity of the name dawned on him. “As in the Death Eater? Matthew Cole?”</p><p>“The very same.”</p><p>“You’re sure it was him?”</p><p>“Positive. The moment he realised I had seen him he took off round the corner and had apparated before I got there. He’s probably doing his best to avoid the same sentence as Pettigrew. Clearly, the Ministry hasn’t caught up to him yet.”</p><p>“You think he was waiting for Harry?”</p><p>“I do.” Remus nodded uneasily. “Maybe not to do anything to him, but just to check on him. Just to see what he looks like, see if the curse has had any effect on him. Anyway, I didn’t have much of a chance to think about it too much at the time because by the time I’d made it back to the gate, Harry was waiting and he was quite upset.”</p><p>“Why was he upset?”</p><p>“Well for one, he despises school. The other children excluded him and made fun of the fact that he hasn’t got any parents-…”</p><p>“Right, well, I’m going down there tomorrow and I-…”</p><p>“And then when he got outside and I wasn’t there he thought we’d abandoned him.” Remus added guiltily. “He was only waiting a few minutes but he got himself into quite a state.”</p><p>“How is he now?”</p><p>“Better now that he’s been reaffirmed of our love for him, and he knows we won’t ever abandon him, but he’s still very against ever going back to school.”</p><p>“Where is he?”</p><p>“Up in his room. Go and talk to him about it, Padfoot.” Remus pleaded. “I tried, but every time I gave him a reason why he should go back to school he had another mean thing that had been said to or about him today to throw back at me. In the end I just gave up and left him to play by himself. He didn’t even want me to do the voices for the bigger dragons like he usually does.”</p><p>“Moony, if it’s really that bad then I’m not going to send him back there. I won’t let him be miserable. He’s got enough to be sad about in life without having to go somewhere he hates every day, and having us be the ones making him go. I won’t be the reason he’s upset.”</p><p>“Do what you have to do, Padfoot. He’s your responsibility, you’re the one that has to make this kind of decision for him.”</p><p>Sirius nodded and made his way slowly up the stairs, stopping outside of Harry’s bedroom. He tapped lightly at the bedroom door. Upon hearing no reply, he pushed it gently open with his fingertips and stepped inside. Harry was nowhere to be seen at first and Sirius worried that maybe he was hiding, or worst-case scenario, had run away. But a sniffing sound came from the corner of the room and Sirius saw a lump of cushions and blankets moving slightly. He smiled softly, partially from relief and partially from a fondness for Harry. He thought that by hiding himself away in a makeshift fort that the rest of the world would disappear and he would be safe from everything that was hurting him. Sirius coughed and the lump shuddered and then froze. “Harry? Can I come in?”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because I haven’t seen you all day and I miss my best mate. Don’t you want to hang out with me? Come on, I haven’t beaten you at wizard’s chess in absolutely ages, I’m worried that my winning streak was a fluke.”</p><p>A few seconds of silence followed and then Harry retorted, “You don’t have a winning streak.”</p><p>Sirius grinned at the response, knowing he had softened Harry’s defences. “Is that so, little man? Well you’re just going to have to come out and prove that before we have dinner aren’t you?”</p><p>“I’m not hungry.”</p><p>“Good, dinner’s not ready yet.”</p><p>“I don’t want to play wizard’s chess.”</p><p>“Fine, we’ll do something else.”</p><p>“Uncle Sirius, I don’t want to come out.”</p><p>“Okay… You don’t have to, but can I please come in at least?” Harry mulled this over for a few moments before one of the blankets was moved aside and a gap for Sirius to crawl into was revealed. “Thank you for your hospitality, good sir.” Sirius said as he moved into the fort on his hands and knees. “I must say I like what you’ve done with the place!” Harry said nothing and Sirius’ heart panged as he saw that Harry had been crying, hard and recently. His face was puffy and warm, his cheeks violent red in colour and his green eyes lined with pink, sore from being rubbed at. His nose was running and it was clear it needed to be blown. Sirius said nothing for a little while, and together they sat in companionable silence, with Harry returning to the game he had been playing before Sirius interrupted, with his case of figurine dragons. “So,” Sirius said after a few minutes. “Moony tells me you weren’t the biggest fan of school?”</p><p>“No. School wasn’t the biggest fan of me.”</p><p>“Ah, I see. So you’re not going back I assume?”</p><p>Harry eyed his godfather suspiciously. “Are you going to make me go?”</p><p>“Absolutely not. Not if you’re going to be miserable there. You could give it another go if you want, but if you think there’s no point then we won’t push it.”</p><p>“So I don’t have to go to school?”</p><p>“Well not that school… Harry, do you know why we sent you to a Muggle school?” Harry shrugged. “Well there were a few reasons,” Sirius continued. “Not the smallest of which being that wizarding children are generally homeschooled and Moony and I aren’t sure we’re the best people to give you your educational start. The second reason was because we thought it was what your mother would have wanted. But you know what she would have wanted even more than that?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You to be happy. So if going to that school is going to make you unhappy, then it doesn’t happen. Understand?”</p><p>Harry nodded. “So I’m going to be homeschooled?”</p><p>“Yes. But hopefully not by me and Moony. I’m going to send a letter to Mrs Weasley to see if she’ll take you on, seeing as she does lessons for the other kids anyway. We’ll pay her of course, and you’ll have to stay on your best behaviour or else it’s back to school with you, my boy!”</p><p>“Mrs Weasley likes me.”</p><p>“Mrs Weasley loves you, everybody does. Which is why I think she’ll be happy to help us out.”</p><p>“And I can see Ron!”</p><p>“Yep! You’ll be able to help each other with your lessons. Practice for when you got to Hogwarts in a few years.”</p><p>Harry beamed at him. “Thanks, Sirius.”</p><p>“You’re welcome, mate.”</p><p>“Sirius?”</p><p>“Yes, Harry?”</p><p>“I know I don’t go to school anymore, but can we still go to the playground? It has a slide and a swing set and a roundabout and-…”</p><p>“Sure, Harry. We can go there whenever you want.”</p><p>“Tomorrow?”</p><p>“Why not!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. chapter fifteen.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Three days later, Harry was playing alone in the back garden with his Snitch, chasing it around and letting it chase him in return. Suddenly, he spotted a man watching him from the garden gate. “Hello there!” The man said, realising Harry had caught sight of him, taking a few careful steps towards him. “Is your name Harry? Harry Potter?”</p><p>The little boy nodded. “I’m five.” He said proudly.</p><p>“Yes, you would be, wouldn’t you… Harry, stand still for a minute.” The man said, lifting an oversized silver camera in front of his face. “I’m going to take a quick photograph of you.”</p><p>Harry’s face fell and he took an uneasy step backward while his Snitch whirled frantically around his head. “Why?”</p><p>“Do you like chocolate?” The man asked hurriedly, reaching into the pocket of his coat and withdrawing a slab of Honeydukes chocolate.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Well if you pose nicely for this photo and answer my questions, I’m going to give you this whole-…” The man cut off, his face warping unpleasantly before his body stiffened and he fell back like a felled tree. Harry’s face furrowed in confusion, and the next thing he knew Remus had picked him up and was charging back towards the house with him in his arms.</p><p>Harry craned his neck to look back at the man with the camera and saw Sirius standing above him, his wand pointing at the man’s face. “Remove yourself from my property.” He growled, lifting his foot and bringing it crashing down on the camera that lay beside the stupefied form of the man.</p><p>When the man had scarpered, Sirius returned to the house to find Remus giving Harry a serious talk. “Harry, we do not talk to strangers, even if they happen to be in our garden. Do you understand that?”</p><p>“What did he say to you?” Demanded Sirius.</p><p>“He wanted my picture.” Harry mumbled, his bottom lip trembling. He had never seen either of them so angry before, and he didn’t know if it was him that they were cross with or the man outside.</p><p>Neither of them had noticed how upset and scared he was yet. “I broke the camera, he won’t have got anything.” Sirius said to Remus.</p><p>“It’s only getting worse, especially since the trial. They can’t get enough of him-…”</p><p>“Who can’t?” Harry cried, panic rising inside of him and spilling out in the form of hot tears. He twisted his hands together anxiously. “Why did he want my picture? Sirius tell me…”</p><p>Their attention snapped back to him and Sirius fell to the floor, opening his arms up and pulling Harry close to him. He held him tightly until the boy had stopped crying and Sirius’ own breathing had returned to normal. They stayed sitting on the kitchen floor, Sirius’ back against the kitchen cabinets. “We’re not angry at you, mate. Never. We’re just worried for you.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because people like that man want to hurt you.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I don’t know how to explain that to you.” Sirius replied honestly. “All you need to know is that we’re not going to let anybody hurt you.”</p><p>“Why does he want to hurt me?” Harry repeated. “Why me especially?”</p><p>“Sirius… I think we should tell him.” Remus uttered.</p><p>Sirius shook his head hopelessly. “I can’t… I don’t know how.”</p><p>“May I?” Sirius nodded and Remus lowered himself to the kitchen floor, settling opposite them. “Harry, a long time ago a dark wizard killed your parents. He is the reason that they’re not here and why you came to live with us.”</p><p>“I know that.”</p><p>“Right… Well what you don’t know is that on the night that Voldemort killed your parents, he also tried to kill you. But he couldn’t. Nobody knows why and nobody knows what happened to him after he failed in hurting you. That’s why people are so interested in you, Harry. That’s why people stare at you in London and why we try to keep you away from the public as much as possible.”</p><p>“Who was that man in the garden?”</p><p>“He works for the media, probably The Daily Prophet. He would have sold that photograph of you for a lot of money and everybody in our world would have known what you look like.”</p><p>“Is that a bad thing?”</p><p>“Yes. As I said nobody knows what happened to Voldemort, but if he is still out there then he will have people that are working for him. If he knows what you look like or where you live he might try and find you again-…”</p><p>“That’s enough.” Sirius hished Remus. “Harry, we’re not telling you this to try and scare you.”</p><p>“Not at all.” Agreed Remus.</p><p>“But it is important to be aware of these things. You need to know who you can trust. So that’s us and the Weasleys and anybody else that we introduce you to. No strangers and nobody that tries to talk to you without us around, okay?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Molly agreed to take over Harry’s education without hesitation and Harry was always bursting to tell Sirius and Remus what he had learned at the end of each day. A few weeks after the garden incident, Sirius arrived at the Burrow to pick Harry up and found him wrist deep in brightly-coloured acrylic paint with Ron and Ginny. “What are they doing?” Sirius smirked at Molly.</p><p>“Painting.” She replied, matter-of-factly, stirring that night’s stew on the stove.</p><p>Sirius scoffed. “Why?”</p><p>“What do you mean why?” She narrowed her eyes at him and put her hands on her hips, as though daring him to question her.</p><p>“I didn’t mean anything by it Molly, it’s just… well I thought you were teaching them. Not that I mind them taking a break.”</p><p>“This is part of the curriculum.” She explained. “Painting is a good way for them to exercise their creative side which in turn helps with emotional development and holding the brush is good for their motor skills.”</p><p>“But how does it all help for becoming a great wizard?”</p><p>Molly narrowed her eyes at Sirius again disapprovingly for a moment, before smiling smugly. “And how exactly do you expect your godson to learn how to hold and use a wand if he can’t even hold a paintbrush?”</p><p>Sirius contemplated this and then nodded. “Okay, okay. Fair enough. I should have known you’d know better!”</p><p>“Besides, it’s fun. Look at this one.” She handed Sirius a piece of paper, heavy and warped from the amount of paint that had been slopped onto it. “It’s one of Harry’s.”</p><p>Sirius’ mouth curved upwards at the edges as he took in the bright colours and smudged lines. “Is that me?” He asked Molly softly.</p><p>She grinned and nodded. “Yep, and that’s Remus I think, and that little splodge is Harry himself.”</p><p>“God he doesn’t think very highly of himself, does he?”</p><p>“I think it’s more of a case that he thinks highly of himself, but his paintbrush disagrees.”</p><p>“Can I keep this?”</p><p>“Of course you can, Harry made it. As lovely as it is I’m not sure we have any more wall space for the artwork of my children around here. I’m not even sure where we’re going to put Ron and Ginny’s paintings from today.” Sirius followed Molly further into the kitchen, stopping only when Harry had spotted him and grinned widely. Then he moved closer and tousled the boy’s hair fondly, as a way of greeting him. “So where’s Remus today?” Molly asked, beginning to tidy away some of the painting things. The other children had clearly become bored some time earlier, half-done masterpieces littered the table and abandoned paint brushes were scattered amongst them. Only Harry and Ginny remained at the table, sitting in comfortable, silent concentration across from one another, each focused on their respective paintings.</p><p>“Job-hunting.”</p><p>“Again?”</p><p>Sirius sighed. “I think you mean still.”</p><p>“How long is that now?”</p><p>“Too long for him to be okay with still being unemployed. He had a few menial things after we left school, he moved from job to job for those few years in between Order obligations, but he was already completely out of work by the time Harry was born and hasn’t had anything since.”</p><p>“Maybe Arthur could put in a word at the Ministry.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t do any good, he’s tried before. No matter how many people vouch for his competence as a wizard or his character, they won’t budge on their rule. Even Dumbledore’s given it a crack more than once.”</p><p>“Rule?”</p><p>“They don’t hire we-… People with his condition.” Sirius corrected himself, realising Ginny was still in the room. Even Harry didn’t yet fully understand where Remus went once a month and why he always looked so tired when he returned from these disappearances.</p><p>“Oh… I see.”</p><p>“He’ll find something eventually.” Shrugged Sirius. “I’m not bothered either way, it’s not like I’m on the verge of kicking him out or anything.”</p><p>“Still, it must hurt his pride.”</p><p>“Yeah, I think it does.”</p><p>“Has he ever said what he’d like to do, you know, in a perfect world?” Molly asked curiously. “Does he have a vocation?”</p><p>“When we were at school he used to say he’d like to be a teacher, but only ever off-hand. He never got his hopes up about it, he knows nowhere will let him be around kids with his condition, even though he doesn’t pose a danger.”</p><p>“He should talk to Dumbledore, surely there’s something at the school for him. Even if it’s just a temporary position. I heard Professor Joyless is taking a period of leave next term to follow his dreams of becoming a tap-dancer.”</p><p>“Is that right?” Sirius smiled wryly. “I’ll mention it to him but I’m not sure he’d go for it. Teachers have to stay at the school for the duration of the term and I don’t think he’d want to be away from Harry for that long.”</p><p>“You’re probably right.” Molly dropped a handful of herbs into the pot and the said, “Do me a favour dear, pop out into the garden and see if you can find Charlie for me.”</p><p>“Charlie? Why isn’t he at school?”</p><p>“Came down with a bug last week, got all these funny rashes on his arm. He was going to be locked in the hospital wing anyway so I thought I’d just have him home for a bit to keep an eye on him. He perked up a few days ago and he’s been out in the garden ever since, from sunrise to sundown. God knows what he’s doing out there. He’s going back to the school tomorrow though, no arguments. I need to know if he’s packed his things.”</p><p>“I’ll go see if I can find him.” Sirius wandered outside in the dying sunlight and frowned when he saw that Charlie was nowhere to be found. Suddenly there was a loud bang that seemed to come from the shed at the end of the garden. Sure enough, a few moments later Charlie rocketed out of the door, slamming it shut behind him. He leant heavily on it, breathing hard. Sirius raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for Charlie to notice him. When he finally did, Charlie went very pale and wide-eyed. “Feeling better, Charlie?”</p><p>“Um…”</p><p>“Come on, spit it out.”</p><p>“You’ll tell my mum.” Charlie sulked.</p><p>“Yeah, probably. What was that noise? And is that a burn on your arm?”</p><p>“Well I guess it’s all over.” Charlie muttered dejectedly and beckoned Sirius closer. “Come on in.”</p><p>Cautiously, Sirius edged round the door of the shed and nearly ran straight back out again when he saw what was crouched into the corner of it. “Is that?”</p><p>“A dragon. Yeah.” Charlie said calmly. “Hagrid thought the egg was empty and gave it to me because he knows I like dragons. I think he thought it would make a cool decoration for my room or something. But it started to hatch so I hexed my own arm so I could come home and hatch him without anyone else noseying in... but he’s a bit more trouble than I thought he’d be.” Charlie bit his lip and whispered, “They’ll make me send him away, Sirius.”</p><p>“Charlie, you’re hurt.” Sirius replied quietly. “You just admitted that the dragon is troublesome. It’s for the best.”</p><p>“But he doesn’t mean to hurt me, he just hasn’t learned how to control himself yet. If I just had more time-...”</p><p>“You don’t have any time, your mum is determined that you’re going back to school tomorrow regardless. What are you going to do? Leave him here for your dad to walk in one unsuspectingly when he’s looking for a de-gnomer?”</p><p>“I-... I don’t know.”</p><p>“Listen, I’m sorry mate. I can’t say I understand the appeal but I can see that you’re attached to him… But he’s not going to be happy locked up in here or hidden in the Forbidden Forest or anywhere else you might be planning… He needs to be with his own kind.”</p><p>“I guess you’re right.”</p><p>“So how about this… I’m going to go inside and pretend I don’t know where you’ve got to and you can say your goodbyes to your little mate. When you’re ready, come inside and tell your mum what you’ve done. I can’t promise it’ll be pretty, but best to get it over with.”</p><p>“Alright… Thanks Sirius.”</p><p>“Any time, Charlie.”</p><p>As expected, when Charlie finally retreated to the house and confessed what he had done to his mother, Mrs Weasley was livid. She was so angry, that she didn’t even notice Harry and Sirius get into the fireplace and travel home without saying goodbye.</p><p>That evening, while Sirius attempted to make something edible for dinner, Remus and Harry sat on the stone garden steps together, watching the sunset in companionable quiet, which was only broken by Harry saying, “Remus?”</p><p>“Yes, Harry?”</p><p>“How come we stay alive, when the sky tries to light us on fire every morning and every night?”</p><p>Suppressing a laugh, Remus smiled kindly at Harry and pretended to ponder what he had said. “Well, we don’t actually catch alight, do we? And even if we did, just because something hurts doesn’t mean we run away from it. In fact, just because something looks dangerous, doesn’t mean it necessarily is.”</p><p>“Like you?”</p><p>“What do you mean, like me?”</p><p>“You look dangerous, because you’re all scarred and you don’t look like everyone else. But you’d never hurt anyone, right?”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“Especially me.”</p><p>“Of course especially you!”</p><p>“Just like the sky then?”</p><p>“Sure, Harry. Just like the sky.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. chapter sixteen.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A quiet knock sounded at the door to his study, causing Sirius to look up. He slipped the letter he was reading, and fretting over, into the top drawer of his desk and shuffled some others in front of him to cover his tracks. “Come in.” He called out, beaming at Harry as he swung the door open.</p><p>“Hi!” Harry said brightly.</p><p>“Hi to you too.” Sirius smirked. “What brings you to my side of the house?”</p><p>“Do we have sides now? Does that mean you can’t come into my side?”</p><p>Sirius chuckled. “Just a figure of speech mate. What’s up?”</p><p>“I’m booooreeed!” Harry groaned, his body going limp.</p><p>“Well I’m sure we can find a way to cure that. Do take a seat, sir.” He said, indicating to the leather chair opposite his desk with an open palm. Harry scrambled up onto the seat and turned around, flopping down until only his eyes were visible over the desk. “What were you doing before you came up here?”</p><p>“Being bored.”</p><p>“I see. And before that?”</p><p>“Flying.”</p><p>“Why’d you stop?”</p><p>“Raining.”</p><p>Sirius frowned. “Harry, you’ll have to get used to all sorts of difficult flying conditions if you’re going to be a pro.”</p><p>“That’s what I said! But Remus made me come down when he saw the lightning.”</p><p>“Oh… I didn’t realise it was raining raining. Alright then, what’s Moony doing?”</p><p>“Busy.”</p><p>“Doing what?”</p><p>“Boring stuff.” Harry yawned.</p><p>“Did you ask him to play with you?”</p><p>“No... he looked busy.”</p><p>“What was he doing?”</p><p>“He fell asleep on the sofa reading his book.”</p><p>Sirius nodded. “Ahh, yeah well he’s probably busy.”</p><p>“I already said that.”</p><p>“So you did.” Sirius corroborated. “Well alright then, you’re stuck with me. What do you want to do?”</p><p>“Aren’t you busy?”</p><p>Sirius narrowed his eyes at his godson. “If I was, this conversation wouldn’t be helping matters.”</p><p>“Okay… Can we… Cook something?”</p><p>“Cook something?”</p><p>“Yeah." Harry grinned. "Ron’s mum lets us lick the bowl when she cooks.”</p><p>“Oh you want to do some baking then, something sweet. Okay, what does she bake?”</p><p>“Yesterday we had cupcakes.” Harry perked up excitedly.</p><p>“Nice?”</p><p>“Delishiousious.”</p><p>“Mmm, yum! Well, I don’t know how to make cupcakes but I’m sure we can give it a crack. There’s bound to be at least one cookery book in this house. Let’s scour the bookshelves.”</p><p>Three hours later, both Harry and Sirius were covered from head to toe in dropped egg yolks, flour, and completed yellow batter. When Remus walked into the kitchen, he barely looked surprised and just pronounced, “You two have been busy.”</p><p>“You were asleep for aaagggeess.” Sang Harry, licking a wooden spoon covered in icing.</p><p>“Really? That long?”</p><p>“Not really.” Sirius assured him. “Few hours. You must have needed it.”</p><p>Remus nodded. “Yeah, think I did.”</p><p>“Were you cranky?” Asked Harry genuinely.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Mrs Weasley always makes Ginny have a nap when she’s cranky and then she says that she’ll feel better when she wakes up.”</p><p>“Well I don’t know about being cranky but I do feel better now. Though I’m on the verge of being cranky as a result of hunger, how long until I can taste one of your glorious creations?”</p><p>“We still need to ice them.”</p><p>“Moony can help!” Harry cried.</p><p>“Sure, why not? What colours are we thinking?” Laughed Remus.</p><p>“I thought we might take Harry and the Weasley brood to the Magical Creatures Home and Exhibit in Yorkshire tomorrow since it’s the holidays.” Sirius said to Remus. “What do you think?”</p><p>“Sure, sounds fun. Something you wanted to see in particular?”</p><p>“Not me. Charlie. He’s still down about losing his pet dragon, I thought seeing some big ones might cheer him up, or frighten him into not wanting anything to do with them from now on.”</p><p>“That’s a really nice idea. Harry, please save some of the icing for the cakes.”</p><p>“Why? It’s all going to end up in my tummy anyway!”</p><p>The next day, Sirius and Remus arrived at the Magical Creatures Home and Exhibit with Harry and all seven of the Weasley kids in tow. Molly had gratefully accepted a day on her own and all of the kids were brimming with excitement, and under strict instructions to stay together. Bill was particularly interested in the hippogriffs, whilst Percy declared that he wanted a bowtruckle for a pet when he grew up. The twins watched the nifflers for over ten minutes, almost without blinking, before being tugged onto the next exhibit, while Harry, Ron and Ginny giggled and gawped at the pygmy puffs. Finally, they reached the largest and main exhibit at the centre; the dragons.</p><p>“Charlie?” Sirius nudged him. “What do you think?”</p><p>“Why are they in cages?” The boy asked, his eyes wide as he stared at the large creatures.</p><p>“Because they’re dangerous.”</p><p>Charlie’s face twisted. “That’s funny, I don’t see the dragons holding any whips.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Harry James Potter is six years old. He knows that he is the child of James and Lily Potter. He knows that they died when he was one. He’s not sure how. He knows that he lives with his Uncle Sirius and his Uncle Remus in a big house that someone gave to Uncle Sirius when they died. The house has lots of good hiding places, even if it does make scary noises at night time. His best friend is Ron Weasley, but he likes the other Weasley siblings a lot as well. He does not cry when bath time is announced, but he does cry when the water gets in his eyes. When Uncle Remus is in charge of bath time, Harry is allowed to splash as much as he likes, which is good because his favourite game is ‘Submarine’ which involves quite a lot of splashing. Uncle Sirius doesn’t like it when Harry splashes because he once slipped on the water and twisted his ankle. He looked very funny hopping all over the place for the following three days. Harry spends a lot of time in and around the house. His favourite place changes every day. Sometimes it’s the garden, because he can play with his junior Quidditch set which, since he smashed the glass in the dining room door and cut his foot, is not allowed inside of the house. Other times, his favourite place is the attic room, where he can look out over the garden and the fields surrounding the big house. Uncle Sirius conjured a mattress for Harry to sit on when he’s up there, but he’s not allowed to sleep in the attic because of how cold it gets. There is a rather large hole in the roof, which, if Harry wanted to, he could easily climb through and get up onto the roof itself. But he doesn’t want to, yet. He likes going to his lessons at the Burrow, because after a few hours of patient work, he and the Weasley siblings are allowed to play outside until Sirius or Remus comes to fetch Harry home. Usually they stay for dinner under Mrs Weasley’s insistence.</p><p>~~~</p><p>One afternoon, Sirius called for Harry but got no response. He eventually found the boy sitting cross-legged on the rug in front of the fireplace, staring intently upwards at the mantlepiece. Sirius stopped in the doorway and watched as Harry continued to look upward for several minutes, before he shifted onto his knees, straightening his back to get a better look. He remained in his position for another few minutes, before he made the move upward onto his feet, his small hands clasped behind his back as he stretched his neck. Confused, Sirius took a few steps into the room, trying to work out what exactly it was that Harry was trying to see, but would not touch. As he sidled around the edge of the room, not willing to be detected by his godson just yet, Sirius caught sight of a silver-framed photograph sitting in the centre of the mantlepiece, its inhabitants moving slowly and smiling. There was a crack in the glass and the edges of the picture were beginning to yellow and curl, but what it showed was undeniably young and joyful. It was a photograph of the Order, taken two years before Harry was born. His parents, with Sirius and Remus by their sides stood in the centre, beaming, as the rest of the Order swarmed around them, smiling and waving for the camera. Sirius hadn’t seen it for years, and could only assume that Remus had found it in one of their many boxes and had finally put it up, the pain of seeing their friends happy and alive finally dulling enough for them to look at them with fond memories. Harry pushed himself up onto his tiptoes and wobbled, leaning forward. Afraid that he might topple himself straight into the fire, Sirius finally walked over to him and put his hand on his shoulder to steady him. Without saying anything, he picked up the silver frame from the mantle and handed it down to his godson, pressing it into his small warm hands. Harry’s mouth gaped a little as he finally got the view he’d been trying to get and saw his parents up close for the first time. “I should have shown it to you a long time ago.” Sirius said apologetically. “I didn’t think. I’ll try and find some more for you.”</p><p>“Thank you.” Harry breathed, unable to tear his eyes away from the figures waving to him. With another squeeze of his shoulder, Sirius left Harry alone in the living room, turning back just in time to see the boy return to his first position, cross-legged on the rug, with the frame in his lap, looking down at it.</p><p>Later that day, Sirius found Harry asleep on the rug, still holding onto the frame, the edge of it pushing up the skin on his cheek and making his glasses sit lopsided. Sirius carried him up to bed and then went straight to the attic, pushing aside old furniture and boxes until he found what he was searching for.</p><p>When Harry returned from the Weasley’s the following afternoon, he was amazed to see the house transformed. Framed photographs were strewn across the walls, and others were propped up on the available furniture. From nearly every spot in the house, his parents and their friends were able to wave down at him and smile.</p><p>A few days later, Sirius declared that he had some business to attend to in London and would have to leave Remus and Harry alone for one night. “What kind of business?” Remus asked him suspiciously.</p><p>“Just… business.” Sirius avoided his gaze, helping Harry fit in a piece of his enchanted jigsaw set.</p><p>“And that’s code for?”</p><p>“Leave it, Moony.” Sirius muttered and Remus did, for the moment.</p><p>The morning after Sirius’ trip, he arrived home at around midday looking pale and bedraggled. Sirius stooped to lift Harry up into his arms, hugging the little boy tight. Remus stood in the doorway and recognised Sirius’ appearance immediately, as the one he always had after having sex. There had been a time, during their service to the Order, and Sirius had finally got together with Marlene McKinnon, that he had never looked anything other than pleasurably dishevelled.</p><p>“How was London?” He called out to Sirius, who had not yet noticed his friend. Remus shot Sirius a knowing look and his friend blushed and readjusted Harry in his arms.</p><p>“It was okay.” He replied cautiously.</p><p>“See anyone we know? Rekindle any old friendships?”</p><p>Sirius smirked. “Well now that would be telling.”</p><p>“Tell me! Tell me! I want to know!” Harry chanted.</p><p>“I’ll tell you later, mate. Isn’t it time you were getting dressed?”</p><p>“I wouldn't want to know if I were you, Harry.” Remus teased Sirius. “It’ll gross you out.”</p><p>“Do you mind?” Sirius frowned.</p><p>“What’ll gross me out?”</p><p>“Nothing, mate. Come on, let’s go upstairs and you can pick something to wear while Moony goes to the bathroom and wipes that grin off his face.”</p><p>“Okay…”</p><p>Later in the day, Remus finally managed to corner his friend and get the truth out of him. It was true, Sirius had arranged a casual hook-up, but it had not worked out quite the way he had envisioned it. “It felt wrong.” He admitted to Remus.</p><p>“You’re just out of practice. What position were-…”</p><p>“Not that! Jesus… I meant it felt wrong talking to a girl that way, flirting… and then being so… close. It’s been such a long time since I looked at a girl like that, such a long time since a girl looked at me like that.”</p><p>“Long time since you noticed maybe. I know you miss her, Sirius, it’s okay. There’s no need to be embarrassed about it.”</p><p>“But it’s been seven years, Moony.” Sirius groaned. “I should have at least been able to kiss a girl without thinking about her or smile at a girl in a shop without wondering if she has someone like me waiting for her at home. I should be able to fall asleep at night without dreaming that she’s beside me but-…”</p><p>“But you can’t. Not yet. And that’s okay.” Remus told him simply. “Sirius, you were in love with her, that doesn’t just go away because you don’t get to see her anymore.”</p><p>“I know I’ll always love her and I’ll always miss her but if widowers can move on and fall in love again, why can’t I?”</p><p>Remus shrugged. “Everybody’s different.”</p><p>A heavy silence fell over them, broken a few minutes later by Sirius asking, “Do you know much about name meanings, Remus?”</p><p>He shrugged. “Not much, why?”</p><p>“It was drilled into us when we were kids. All of us constellations, stars amongst the wizard race, or so my family would have us believe. I know the meaning of the name of everybody that’s ever mattered to me. Did I ever tell you that?”</p><p>“No… You didn’t.”</p><p>“James means one who follows. And he did. We always thought of him as the leader, but he would have followed all three of us to the ends of the earth. He followed Lily into a war…”</p><p>“Don’t upset yourself, Sirius.” Remus said quickly, though he knew he was more scared of the memories it would trigger in himself.</p><p>“Lily is a flower, of course. The symbol of death, usually, and funerals. Heartbreaking really.”</p><p>“Sirius, please don’t.”</p><p>“Peter means rock. Steady, supposedly. Reliable. Strong.”</p><p>“Padfoot-…”</p><p>“Yours comes from the two brothers, Romulus and Remus, who were raised by wolves. But that one you probably knew”</p><p>Remus smirked sadly. “I doubt my parent’s saw the funny side of it after I was bitten.”</p><p>“Marlene means Star of the Sea.” Sirius rushed, his voice cracking. “Sirius means Star of the Sky. The dog star, as it happens. We were always meant to meet in the middle, on earth. But stars can’t survive away from their homes for too long… I always think of her when I look up at the stars, I picture her looking down at me and smiling. It’s childish, but I can’t help it. Really, I should be looking for her in the ocean.”</p><p>“You look for her in everything, Padfoot. I’ve seen you do it.”</p><p>“I just want her back, Moony…” Sirius whimpered, fresh tears springing to his eyes.</p><p>“I know. I know you do.” Remus patted the back of his friend’s house and stood to get himself a drink of water. Though it went unsaid, he was thinking, “I miss her too. I miss them all. God, I miss Mary.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>A few days later, Harry finally had the good weather to try out the new broom Sirius had bought for him during his otherwise disappointing London adventure. Cautiously Harry rose, Remus hovering on one side of him, straddling his broom with both hands stretched out toward the boy in case he should wobble, Sirius on the other. Suddenly, he took off, faster than any of them were expecting but, to their immense relief, managed to cling on and actually flew very well. As they watched Harry zoom through the air, whooping with delight and throwing looks back at them every few seconds to check that they were still watching, Remus nudged Sirius, “More like James every day?”</p><p>“Yeah I think so. What was it he used to say? ‘I’m the fastest seeker Gryffindor house has ever seen, no one before me ever went so quick and no one after me will ever catch up.’ Well I reckon his son might beat him not long from now.”</p><p>Remus snorted. “Sounds like something he would say.”</p><p>Sirius grinned, his eyes gleaming and the image of Harry flying through the air reflecting in his irises. “And then Evans would tell him to shut up, and just because he thought he was important it didn’t actually make him special.”</p><p>“He might have been right though, even if Harry is faster than him which he might well end up being, there’s no guarantee he’ll be in Gryffindor house.”</p><p>“Of course he’ll be a Gryffindor.” Berated Sirius. “Even if Prongs hadn't been, Evans was a lion-heart through and through, everyone said so.”</p><p>“Harry isn’t his parents.” Remus reminded him gently.</p><p>“No but he’s got all the best bits from both of them, and some of yours too, and being a Gryffindor is one of the good bits out of all of us.”</p><p>“Good, as long as you recognise that he’s as much like you as he is anyone else.”</p><p>“Poor kid.” Sirius quipped, making Remus laugh again.</p><p>Remus paused. “You know I only just noticed you called her Evans.”</p><p>Sirius looked at his friend as though he were crazy. “I’ve always called her Evans.”</p><p>“And you called James Prongs.”</p><p>“So? What would you rather I refer to them as, Mr and Mrs Potter? They were my best mates, that’s what I call them.”</p><p>“I know that, but for a while you didn’t talk about them like they were real people. You called them James and Lily just like everybody else, like you’d forgotten all the real, everyday things that mattered so much to us once upon a time, like our nicknames. But now you’re back, and we can remember them as we knew them, and Harry will learn about them the way they truly were. I’m glad.”</p><p>“I didn’t want them to be real.” Sirius admitted quietly.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“For a really long time, I tried to pretend they hadn’t existed. Not properly. I tried to distance myself from them because I thought it would hurt less, it was a self-preservation thing.”</p><p>“Did it work?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged bitterly. “It hurt just as much either way, but at least I was able to get up every day and keep living. Moony, I had to lose James and Lily Potter because losing my Prongs and my Evans was too much. Everybody lost James and Lily Potter, and though it was just as sad, I could share that sadness with the world. But nobody else knew my Prongs and my Evans, so I had to shoulder that grief alone. It would have been too much.”</p><p>“That’s not what made you get up everyday and keep living.”</p><p>“Then what did?”</p><p>“Harry. Harry needed you, and as we’ve already established, he is everything that James and Lily were and more. They entrusted him to you because they knew you’d love him just as much as you loved them. He was their Harry, just like they were your Prongs and Evans. And now he’s your Harry.”</p><p>“He’s our Harry.” Sirius corrected him. “And we are the only people that get to have ownership over him. As far as anyone else is concerned he is his Harry, and I will fight anybody that tries to take over him.”</p><p>“The Ministry promised to leave us alone until he’s old enough to understand.”</p><p>“If he’s old enough to understand the mission they want him to undertake then he’s going to be old enough to understand that he can turn them down whenever he wants. He’ll be doing it on his terms, I’ll see to that. I don’t care what they say, he didn’t choose this life, and that means it’s not his responsibility to abide by its standards.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. chapter seventeen.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The morning of the 31st of October 1986 woke Remus Lupin maliciously, springing him awake before the sun had even begun to rise. Harry woke groggily at his usual time and Remus fetched him downstairs for some breakfast, which the little boy picked at in his yellow pyjamas. He was old enough now to understand the significance of the date to a certain extent, and felt a guilty pull of sadness tugging in his chest, but was aware that Remus and Sirius were hurting more than he was, and he didn’t know how to make it better.</p><p>When Sirius had still not surfaced at midday, Remus took it upon himself to wake him. He found his friend awake, his face tear-stained and his body rigid in the bed. “Okay, Padfoot,” Remus said levelly. “Time to get up. It’s just another day, it has to be. Harry’s downstairs, he’s asking after you. I know-…”</p><p>“Five years, Moony.” Sirius croaked. “Five years to the day.”</p><p>“I know it is, but wasting the day isn’t going to change anything. Harry-…”</p><p>Sirius shook his head, tears wet on his cheeks. “I can’t do it. Not today. Please, just let me sleep.”</p><p>Remus faltered. He hadn’t been expecting this. “Alright, mate. Get some rest. I’ll handle everything else, don’t worry about it.” Remus hurried from the room, shutting the door tight behind him.</p><p>“Where’s Sirius?” Asked Harry through a mouthful of toast when Remus reappeared in the kitchen.</p><p>“He’s not feeling well so he’s going to sleep it off.”</p><p>“Is he sad?” Harry pressed knowingly.</p><p>“He’s just tired, mate.” Remus replied, avoiding Harry’s gaze. “Ready to go?”</p><p>Remus dropped Harry off at the Burrow and returned to the house, settling himself in the armchair in the corner of Sirius’ room. His friend did sleep for most of the time, but he was distressed even in dreams and woke frequently in a grief-struck panic. Finally Sirius clomped down the stairs and collapsed into a kitchen chair, where Remus served up coffee. “I’m sorry you had to look after me, Moony.” Sirius mumbled after several minutes of silence.</p><p>“Don’t be stupid, how many times have you picked me up off of the floor after a transformation? It’s what we do, Sirius, we look after each other. That’s the way it’s always been.”</p><p>“That’s different, you can’t help it-…”</p><p>“Are you telling me that you choose to be sad?”</p><p>“Well no-…”</p><p>“Then don’t apologise for it. You are strong every single day, you take care of Harry in every way and you never let him see how hard it’s been for you. You’re allowed to take a day off once a year. In fact, it’s healthy.”</p><p>“They would never have taken a day off from raising him.”</p><p>“They would have if it had been you that was killed. They loved you as much as you loved them, Sirius. You’re not acting crazy, okay?”</p><p>Sirius nodded reluctantly into his coffee. “Okay.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>A few months later, Sirius was working in his study when he heard a loud thump and then a momentary silence, followed by Harry crying “OUCH, SIRIUS!”</p><p>Within a second Sirius was on his feet, hurrying down the stairs and into the kitchen and finding Harry lying face down, blood smeared on the tiled floor. “Woah, woah… what happened?”</p><p>“I tripped on my laces and-… I think my glasses are broken.”</p><p>“Never mind your glasses. I think your nose is broken.” Sirius muttered, holding the boy’s face in both hands, moving it gently from side to side to examine the gash on his nose and the blood seeping out of his nostrils.</p><p>“But I can’t see without my glasses.”</p><p>“You don’t need to see right now, mate. You might have glass in your face. Stay still and let me look.”</p><p>“I don’t, I’d be able to feel it.”</p><p>“I’ll be the judge of that.”</p><p>“You’re not a doctor.”</p><p>“And you’re not a ballerina. How’d you manage to fall so spectacularly anyway?”</p><p>“I don’t know…” Harry whined. “I want my glasses.”</p><p>“Harry, let me clean the cut and stuff first. We’ll sort your glasses in a second.”</p><p>Harry’s lip began to tremble and his green eyes filled up with tears, making them shine for a moment before the tears spilt out over his lashline. “Sirius-… I- I- I can’t see anything.”</p><p>“Hey, it’s alright mate. Let me stop this hurting and then I’ll fix the glasses okay? It’ll only be a second. Here,” He lifted the boy up onto the kitchen counter, where his legs dangled over the edge, his heels banging against the cupboards underneath. “You sit right here, and I’ll get the first aid kit from above the fridge.”</p><p>“Okay…”</p><p>Sirius cleaned the cut and then stuck a bandage to Harry’s face. “There.” He said anxiously. “Good as new. Except for your glasses but-...”</p><p>“Sirius, fix them.”</p><p>Sirius winced. “We’ll have to wait for Moony to come home, I don’t remember the spell.”</p><p>“You must remember it.”</p><p>“I don’t.”</p><p>“Are you telling me my dad never broke his glasses?”</p><p>“Of course he did, but by the time I met him he’d learnt how to do that spell non-verbally so I never had to bother with it.”</p><p>“Remus isn’t coming home until at least tomorrow.” Harry pointed out. “Please do something, Sirius.”</p><p>“Alright, alright. Wait here.” Leaving Harry on the kitchen counter, Sirius moved and rummaged frantically in one of the messy kitchen drawers, generally left firmly shut because it was so disorganised. Finally, after several minutes of sifting, he emerged triumphantly with a tangled roll of Spellotape in his hand. He moved back to Harry and wrapped the tape around the bridge of his glasses, trying to keep it as smooth as possible. “Harry?” He said softly, cutting the length of tape. “Why are these glasses so important to you?"</p><p>“They make me look like him.” Harry replied after an uneasy moment.</p><p>“Oh…”</p><p>“I don’t want to stop looking like him.”</p><p>“I understand that. But, you know Harry, it’s not your glasses that make you look like your dad.”</p><p>“It’s not?”</p><p>“Nah. You look like James whenever you smile. Or you’re up to no good. Or you have a really good idea. It’s nothing to do with how tall you’re getting or how you cut your hair or anything else.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Really.”</p><p>“Thanks, Sirius.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>“MOONY!” Harry yelled, running as quickly as he could through the house towards the front door, his feet slipping in their socks on the wooden floorboards.</p><p>“Hey mate!” Remus laughed, lifting Harry up into his arms when the boy slid into his legs. “What happened to your glasses?” He asked, furrowing his brow as he examined Harry’s face. “And your nose, what have you done to yourself?”</p><p>“IfelloverandtheybrokeandSiriusdidn’tknowthespellsoheputspellotapeonthembutnowtheydon’tsitonmyfaceproperlybutGinnysaidshethoughtitlookedfunnysoithinkilikethembetterthiswaynow.”</p><p>“Okay, first of all, slow down kiddo. Second of all,” Remus turned his attention to Sirius, who was ambling up to them, a lot slower than Harry had taken the journey from the kitchen to the front door. “Padfoot, that’s the easiest spell in the world, how did you forget it?”</p><p>Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but before he could Harry burst out with, “It’s okay, I’m gonna keep my glasses like this.”</p><p>“No,” Remus replied, smirking. “We’re going to fix them.”</p><p>“No, I like them like this.” Harry argued, wiggling out of Remus’ arms and walking back through the house towards the kitchen, where his colouring-in was waiting for him at the table.</p><p>“Can I at least fix the cracks in the lenses? You can’t see properly.” Remus called out after him, somewhat desperately.</p><p>“Nope, they’re the coolest bit.” Harry cackled, before zooming back off into the house.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Four days later, Remus was sitting alone at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of tea and reading the Daily Prophet. The news had been uneventful as of late, particularly since Pettigrew had been sent to Azkaban, but once again Remus had found that he couldn’t sleep and hoped that some of the more boring personal ads would make him drowsy enough to fall asleep.</p><p>Suddenly, he heard a gentle knock at the back door. He frowned. It was past midnight and most visitors would go for the front door. He withdrew his hand warily, but couldn’t imagine why an ill-wisher would have knocked.</p><p>Remus inched across the kitchen and opened the door quickly. He was shocked to see a woman standing behind it. She was skinnier than she had been before, her bones cutting through her sallow skin and jutting out at all angles. A large bruise was fading away on her cheek and there seemed to be dirt ground into her skin. Her hair, once long and healthy, had been shorn into a dirty bob, even darker than it had been when they had first met. But still, she was instantly recognisable.</p><p>“Mary?”</p><p>“Hello, Remus.” She breathed, her gentle Edinburgh brogue ringing out as clearly as it had the first time she had introduced herself to him all of those years ago, a smile cracking onto her chapped lips. No sooner had she spoken, however, when Mary’s eyes rolled back in her head and she fell forward. Remus cried out as he dived forward to catch her, falling to his knees despite her lack of weight.</p><p>“Sirius! Oh Merlin… Sirius, come and help me!” He yelled, as he turned Mary onto her back, her head lolling against his chest. To his relief, he found that she was still breathing and seemed to have simply collapsed from exhaustion. He pulled a strand of her dark hair away from her mouth and couldn’t help but smile as he looked down at her. She was really there, as he had so often wished she would be. He heard Sirius’ footsteps thundering down the stairs and a muffled screech as his feet slipped on the kitchen tiles upon entering the room. Worry turned to surprise as he entered the room and realised that the person in danger was not Harry, or even Remus, but a woman he had once known very well indeed, but who he had, in all truthfulness, presumed to be dead.</p><p>Remus craned his neck to look back at the doorway leading from the hallway into the kitchen and met Sirius’ shocked eyes, his dark hair tangled from a night of tossing and turning. “Is that-…” He panted, staring incredulously at the unconscious woman lying in Remus’ lap.</p><p>“Mary MacDonald.” Remus replied softly, though he couldn’t believe that he was saying the words. He tried to prop her head up a little more comfortably in the crook of his arm. “Yes, it’s her.”</p><p>“Is she alright?” Sirius asked, unsure of where else to begin. He took a wary step towards them, as though worried that she might turn to dust before his eyes. “What happened?”</p><p>“She will be. She fainted as soon as she saw me, God knows how long she’s been on her feet. Sirius, look at her. We need to get her into bed and find something for her to eat. I think she’s been living on the street.” Sirius nodded, his face paling at the idea of his old friend sleeping rough, and stepped forward to help Remus get himself and Mary onto their feet. As he neared, Mary’s eyes fluttered open again, but she was still out of it. “Don’t worry,” Remus hushed her. “You’re safe. We’re going to get you upstairs, can you walk?”</p><p>“Think so.” She mumbled in reply, reaching out for Sirius to support her arm. “Hello, Handsome.” She grinned, a flash of the cheeky teenager she had been when they first joined the Order appearing on her face. Unable to stop themselves, despite their fear for her and their longing for answers, both Sirius and Remus’ smiles matched her own.</p><p>Sirius kissed her lightly on the cheek in welcome as they took a staggering step forward as a unit. “Back from the dead, aye, MacDonald?”</p><p>“Padfoot…” Remus hissed warningly, but Mary kept smiling, though it turned into more of a grimace as they kept walking.</p><p>“Something like that, Sweetheart.” She replied sweetly. Together the three of them stood and walked towards the staircase, Mary practically hanging between them, her feet barely scraping the ground below her. “Just like old time, hey boys?” She chuckled weakly, and despite the wracking cough that overtook her a moment later, Sirius and Remus smiled with her, relief at seeing her alive, if not completely well, superseding their concern for her condition.</p><p>When they finally reached the top of the stairs, they manoeuvred Mary into Remus’ bedroom. Chucking his clothes into a pile on the floor and kicking it under the bed, Remus created a space for her to lower herself down on the mattress. She did so, her stick-like fingers gripping tightly to his arm as she sat down with the quilt pooling around her bony hips, still unmade from when he had exited it earlier that morning. Sirius busied himself with undoing Mary’s boots. He needn’t have bothered, they were so big they would have slipped off as easily as ballet flats whether the laces were untied or not. Neither Sirius nor Remus mentioned the fact that they clearly had not always belonged to her. They didn’t dare ask how she had come to be wearing them. Sirius raced downstairs to find Mary some sustenance and returned a few minutes later with a cup of tea in one hand, a plate of toast plastered with thick layers of butter and jam, and a hot water bottle. This last item was delivered in a slightly unorthodox way. Realising he had run out of hands, and unwilling to do more than one trip, Sirius had stuck the hot water bottle down the front of his checkered pyjama trousers and had hightailed it up the stairs as quickly as possible. “You’re lucky I love you half to death Macdonald,” Sirius announced. “I just about burnt my knob off trying to get this up to you. Here, stick on your feet to warm them up.”</p><p>“Are you insane?” Remus demanded.</p><p>“Listen it was either the hot water bottle or the toast and I didn’t think the latter would be exactly to our lovely lady guest’s tastes.”</p><p>“Why did anything have to go down the front of your trousers?”</p><p>“Just count yourselves lucky that I did not choose last night to sleep naked. Your undignified yelling woke me from a rather sexy dream as it happens. It would have been quite a different entrance without these trousers.”</p><p>“And rather less room for hot water bottles.” Mary giggled.</p><p>“I’m sure I could have managed something, darling.” Sirius winked at her.</p><p>“Oh but the checkers are so deliciously sexy, Sweetheart.”</p><p>“I can honestly say I have never been this uncomfortable in my entire life.” Muttered Remus.</p><p>“Clearly you’ve never slept beside the bins outside the Leaky Cauldron. Extremely uncomfortable.” Sirius and Remus exchanged a horrified glance and an awkward silence settled over the three of them. Through a mouthful of toast, Mary rushed to fix her blunder. “Oh no, sorry my loves. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin it. I’ve missed being this way with you so much. It’s just-… I’m not used to normal conversation. I didn’t mean to-…”</p><p>“You didn’t ruin anything, Mary.” Remus assured her.</p><p>“Good.” She sighed with relief. “Imagine that. I walk in after god-knows-how-long and I fuck it up in the first ten minutes.”</p><p>“I’ve made worse first impressions I’m sure.” Sirius chuckled.</p><p>“I know you have.” Remus retorted.</p><p>“Before I put my foot into it again and ruin the fun, maybe I should tell you the whole story. Then, we can go back to normal, or at least, semi-normal. More how it used to be.”</p><p>Sirius nodded. “Then you can meet Harry.”</p><p>“So he is here? You did take him?”</p><p>“Of course we did.”</p><p>“Thank god for that.” Mary grinned. “Petunia never struck me as the motherly type. Oh god, is he gorgeous?” She begged for more information about Harry, whom she had not seen since he was only a year old.</p><p>“He’s perfect, MacDonald.” Sirius promised her before pressing, “But come on, no backing out now. What have-… Who have-… How-… Where have you been all of this time?”</p><p>She took a sip of tea and swallowed with some difficulty before beginning her tale. “I think the last time I saw you was the night… it happened. They arrived with Harry and then you left for Hogwarts, Sirius. Remus, you and I were with Harry and then Moody made the announcement. You were going to take Harry with you to a safe house and stay there to wait for Sirius and I was going to hide out at my parent’s house until we all figured out what we were going to do.”</p><p>“That’s what happened.” Remus nodded.</p><p>Mary gave a wry smile. “That’s what happened on your end maybe. My side was a little more complex. You see, when the Order dissolved, I tried to go home but I found that I didn’t have a home left to go to.” Mary explained, cradling her tea to her chest, her head leaning back at the headboard of Remus’ bed. He sat on the end of it, and Sirius had pulled the armchair that usually sat in the corner of the room over to her bedside. Both were leaning forward, hooked to every word that she spoke. As they had laughed and joked, Remus had retrieved a flannel cloth from the bathroom, a ragged dragon-printed one of Harry’s and, with the help of some soap and warm water, Mary had reappeared beneath the layer of dirt and grime that had been embedded in her skin. “I learnt that my mother had died not long after I had left to join and my father claimed it was the emotional strain of my having ‘abandoned’ her that led to her death.” She continued, regret clouding her voice. “She didn’t want me to join, I knew that but I never thought-…” Her voice cracked emotionally and she trailed off. Sirius put his hand on her arm and squeezed gently.</p><p>“It wasn’t your fault, Mary.” He promised her.</p><p>She smiled softly and took another sip of her tea, letting it warm her through. “Well, either way…” She said more levelly, continuing her story. “My father wouldn’t have me back and I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I managed to get in contact with McGonagall eventually, but by that time months had passed and I’d missed the funeral and everything. I felt like I didn’t belong to the Order anymore, but then again, I suppose none of us did. She arranged for me to work in Hogsmeade for a little while but it didn’t last. The economy was so bad in the years after the war that jobs were scarce. Even when I managed to get one, they never kept me long enough to do me much good. A few meals in a row, that was the best I could hope for. Maybe a roof over my head for a few weeks, if I was lucky… So I jumped from place to place a bit. I slept at the school for a few months but McGonnagal could only hide me for so long before the students found out and then everyone wanted to know who I was and why I was staying there-… Trying to explain my role in the Order and in the war without mentioning the Order or the war was a bit too complicated. Then I had a job in Diagon Alley for a while as well. But eventually it all fizzled out and I didn’t have any other options. I’ve been living in a Witches’ Shelter in London for the last year. Well, in and out of it depending on how much space they’ve got. Warmer nights I tend just to opt out and wander around, or find somewhere to try and sleep without being disturbed. Saves the discomfort of trying to make it inside. Struggling people are either the nicest or nastiest humanity has to offer.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you come to us sooner?”</p><p>In a single glance, Mary made him feel like the most ignorant person on the planet. Of course she had thought of that. Of course it wasn’t that simple. She didn’t mean it in a cruel way, she didn’t want them to feel bad for what had happened to her in their absence. She was just happy to be there with them now and to feel the safety they offered her. But she was telling her story, and this was a part of it. “I didn’t know where you were or how to find you, no one did. Anyone that did know wouldn’t tell me because of the rules protecting Harry. Even McGonnagal was reluctant, and besides I didn’t want to intrude on you all as you figured it all out. As for the rest of the Order, well everyone we went to school with is dead, all of my friends.”</p><p>“You’re not alone anymore, Mary.” Remus promised her. “And you won’t ever be again… So how did you find us? In the end?”</p><p>“I was sitting on the steps that lead into the Daily Prophet buildings and I overheard two people talking about how one of their reporters had been attacked. They said it had happened a couple of years earlier, I think they were trying to work out a better way to get to Harry without incurring more of your wrath. Anyway, I listened a little longer and I found out that it was you two! I thought you’d adopted him but there was never enough consistent news about it right after the way, and I hated reading anything about James and Lily-… So I wasn’t sure that you were definitely with him. But this guy said that the man, this reporter, had gone to find Harry at ‘his godfather’s uncle’s house’ but had been stopped by you two. Then all I had to do was go to the library and look up your uncle’s name and last known address. I didn’t know if it would work. I did wonder if maybe after that incident you had moved to somewhere where nobody would be able to find you-…”</p><p>“No, that would have been a smart idea. Obviously it never occurred to us. You know us, Mary!”</p><p>“That I do. I’m so glad I found you.”</p><p>“You’ve really been on the streets?”</p><p>Mary sighed. “I never thought I'd be one of those people, y’know, the ones that get left behind. Whenever I read about them in the paper or I saw them sitting on street corners I always thought how awful it was but I knew that I had enough people that loved me that it would never happen to me. I had an education, a career or sorts… How did I end up there? But it happened. I had nowhere to go and nobody to run to.”</p><p>“That’s over now. You have us, and you have a roof over your head for as long as you need or want it. Please stay.” Sirius rushed suddenly, putting his hand over hers. “Stay, please.”</p><p>“Stay here?”</p><p>“Here. With us. With Harry. He’ll love having you around. It’ll be like the old times. Or at the very least, it’ll be close to what it should have been. I won’t have you back on the streets, absolutely not. You’re family Mary. I know you’d do the same for us, for anyone we served with.”</p><p>“Thank you. Just until I get back on my feet. I’ll find another job, I’ll get out of your hair.”</p><p>“That’s what Moony said.” Laughed Sirius, dodging Remus’ hand as it flew back to punch his friend in the arm. “But I’m serious, darling. We made a vow when we joined the Order that we would do anything we could to look after one another, we would protect each other at all costs-…”</p><p>“I remember.” Said Mary, smiling excitedly. “We vowed to stand by one another and put one another first, even if it meant sacrificing our own lives for the sake of our comrades.”</p><p>“Our brothers and sisters in arms.” Murmured Remus.</p><p>“We have always been connected, we’ve always been a family.” Sirius insisted. “Just because the war is over and we’ve lost so many of our friends, doesn’t mean that bond gets broken. This is just an extension of that vow. I’d make it again in a heartbeat.” Mary opened her mouth to thank him and to assure him that she felt the same way about them, when the door creaked and a startled gasp sounded in the doorway. Sock-muffled footsteps scrabbled at the wooden floorboards as Harry tried to get away, pretending he hadn’t been eavesdropping.</p><p>“It’s alright Harry, you can come in.” Sirius called out. A moment later, the little boy peered around the door, his hands glued to its side as though he were afraid to let go. “Come and meet Mary.” Sirius cooed gently, sensing the boy’s shyness. “She was a friend of ours when you were a baby, one of your mother’s best friends.”</p><p>As Harry edged toward the bed, Mary’s kind eyes widened a little and she smiled at him. “Hello there, Fawn.” She whispered as he neared her and giggled when Harry’s scarred forehead creased in confusion. “Sorry… Hello Harry.”</p><p>“Hello… Mary.”</p><p>“We used to call you that before you were born, and for a little while after.” Remus explained, lifting Harry onto the bed where he snuggled himself between the three of them, Sirius and Remus on each side of him and Mary opposite him. “It stuck for some people,” Remus continued. “You were always Fawn to most of the Order, Lily included.”</p><p>“What does it mean?” Asked Harry, his eyes cast down as he played with the loose threads on the cuff of Sirius’ jumper, fiddling, as he always did when he was nervous or unsure about what to do.</p><p>“A fawn is a baby deer. You know your dad was a stag and your mum was a doe, or at least that’s the form their patronuses took.” Sirius explained gently, wiggling his fingers a little as Harry tugged on the threads at his wrist to make the boy giggle and bring his attention to the conversation. “So naturally you were a fawn.” Harry nodded seriously as the adults exchanged amused looks but kept his eyes trained on Sirius’ sleeve. “Anyway, mate, Mary’s going to stay here for a little while. You know, she’s going to live with us for a bit.”</p><p>“Only if it’s okay with everyone in the house.” Mary insisted. “And you are the most important member of this household, Harry. Are you okay with me being here?”</p><p>“Sure.” Harry shrugged, before looking up to meet Mary’s gaze. “I mean, I don’t really know you... but you seem nice.”</p><p>“Right back at you!” Mary chuckled. “We can get to know each other better, I think we might actually have a lot in common… Oh, I have something for you!”</p><p>Harry straightened up excitedly, pushing himself up onto his knees and leaning towards her. “A present?”</p><p>“Yep! Well it’s actually a second-hand present, I’ve just been looking after it for a while. I took good care of it for you, but it really was always meant for you. It’s a present that was given to me by your mother, but I’d like you to have it now.”</p><p>“My mother?”</p><p>“Yes.” Mary lifted her arms and unclipped a chain that was hanging around her neck. She withdrew the necklace and lowered it into Harry’s small outstretched hand. It was gold and a delicate flower hung from the end of it. “She said it was her good luck charm, she gave it to me when I started my healer training. We were going to be apart for a few months so she gave it to me to keep me safe, and it has done its job for eight long years. Actually, it was the last time I ever saw her… Well, now I think it’s best if her luck goes to you for a little while.”</p><p>“I can really keep it?”</p><p>Mary nodded enthusiastically. “Absolutely, it’s a family heirloom. She wore it all the time before she gave it to me, it’s a piece of her, it really belongs with you, Fawn. Besides, I’m safe enough without it now. I don’t need it as much.”</p><p>“What do you say Harry?” Sirius prompted gently.</p><p>“Thank you.” Harry breathed and fiddled with the clasp uselessly until Sirius took it from him and unclipped the chain, hanging it around Harry’s neck and fastening it again for him. It was long enough to stay hidden behind his shirt if he wanted it to, since it was clearly meant for a woman, but Harry didn’t care and admired it proudly.</p><p>“You’re welcome. I only wish I could have given it to you sooner. Oh well, you seem to have been kept safe enough so far. Who needs good luck charms when you’re already perfect!”</p><p>“Hey Harry, maybe we should let Mary get some rest.” Remus suggested gently, nudging the boy and helping him off the bed. “Come downstairs, you’ll be wanting your breakfast.”</p><p>“Okay. See you later, Mary.” Harry waved back at her as Remus led him out of the room.</p><p>“You bet, Fawn.”</p><p>“Fawn… I like it.”</p><p>When Remus had herded Harry out of the room, Mary exhaled slowly and shook her head. Sirius glanced at her and was surprised to see that her eyes had filled with tears. “It’s okay, Mary. You’re safe now, everything’s going to be alright.”</p><p>“It’s not that. Thank you but-… Oh Sirius, how can you stand it?”</p><p>“Stand what?”</p><p>“Being so close to him when he’s so like they were? Doesn’t it just break your heart all over again?”</p><p>“Sometimes.” Sirius admitted. “Y’know, sometimes he makes this face, when he’s doing something he knows he shouldn’t be doing or when he gets a new idea… and he looks so much like James that I have to stare at him for a few moments before I remember that it’s not really him. Or when he’s reading, or playing by himself, he gets the same look of quiet contemplation that Evans used to have when she was studying for exams. And it’s only getting worse as he gets older and he’s starting to be like they were when I knew them at school. And it hurts, it does, but then I realise that the fact that he’s alive, a piece of them is still here, and that is the happiest thing in the world.”</p><p>“I guess you’re right. It looks like you’ve done a really good job of raising him. He’s amazing.”</p><p>“He has his moments.” Sirius smirked. “I’m glad you’re here, Mary. I’m glad you get to know him and to see the kind of person he’s growing into.”</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>“Okay, now I really will leave you to get some rest. If you need anything just call out, otherwise come down when you’re ready and there’ll be more food or tea or whatever you need waiting for you.”</p><p>“I can’t thank you enough for this, Sirius.”</p><p>“Then don’t even try, darling. Sleep tight.”</p><p>Remus returned a few minutes later, peering round the door in case she was asleep. When she beckoned him in, he climbed onto the bed and sat beside her. After a little while, he took her hand in his, entwining their fingers together. “You still wear your rings.”</p><p>“Of course! I had to sell everything else, but I could never bear to part with these, and Lily’s necklace. Ironically, she probably would have insisted I sell it if it meant I could be kept safe. You know I once sold the pair of shoes I was wearing, my only pair, instead of selling my jewellery.” She nodded to the corner of the room where the battered pair of men’s boots were laying in a heap, several sizes too big for her they had rubbed her feet raw.</p><p>“Oh, Mary…”</p><p>“You walked past me once, you know.” She whispered, tears glistening in her eyes. “I couldn’t bring myself to call out to you, I didn’t want you to see the person I’d become, so I just let you go. You looked so wonderful, all dressed up. You must have been going to work or something…”</p><p>“I didn’t see you or I would have-…”</p><p>“To be fair, Remus, you weren’t looking for me. You never looked for me, did you?”</p><p>“Only because Moody told me not to. He said you’d walked away from us all because you didn’t want anything to do with us. I should never have listened to him, I’m so sorry-…”</p><p>“It’s okay. We’ve found each other now.” She squeezed his hand.</p><p>“I won’t lose you again, I promise. I’ll look after you properly this time.”</p><p>“I know you will.” She whispered, then smiled softly. “Your hands still shake.”</p><p>“Only when I’m around you.” He replied quickly.</p><p>“Don’t flatter me, Sweetheart. They’ve always done it. I remember watching you in Transfiguration in our very first year at Hogwarts. They were always quivering and you would tap on the desk to stop yourself from scratching at yourself, only I didn’t know that’s why you were doing it then. James used to lean his arms on your hands and pretend to be falling asleep on the desk so nobody could see them, or Sirius would make you those funny paper things to fiddle with to keep them busy-…”</p><p>“Chatterboxes.”</p><p>‘Yeah, that’s right. And Peter would-…” Her face fell. “Oh god, Peter…”</p><p>Remus shook his head. “We don’t really talk about-…”</p><p>“Of course you don’t, I’m sorry Remus, I wasn’t thinking I-…”</p><p>“No that’s alright. I’m okay with talking about him. In fact, I’d rather I didn’t have to edit him out of stories for Sirius’ sake.”</p><p>“I couldn’t believe it when I read about the conviction and everything. I can’t imagine how Sirius took it.”</p><p>“The thing is, I’m as furious as he is. Truly, I am. I hate the person that’s locked up in Azkaban, I’m glad that person is suffering. That person murdered my best friends, that person betrayed us all. That person is the reason that you can I got lost from each other for so long… But I can’t seem to connect him with the boy I knew at school. I can’t connect him to Peter. And I miss that Peter as much as I miss James and Lily and everyone else we lost.”</p><p>“At least we’ve fixed one thing that he fucked up for us, right?”</p><p>“Right.” They were quiet for a few moments, and when Remus turned to speak to her again he found that Mary had dropped off to sleep, her mug with the dregs of her cold tea still lurking in the bottom of it, still held loosely in the grasp. Carefully, he took it from her and placed it on the bedside table. He slipped off the bed and lay the quilt carefully over the top of her to keep her warm. He couldn’t bring himself to stray too far from her and moved the armchair back from where Sirius had moved it, picking up the novel he had been reading the night before and setting up camp in the corner of the room. He couldn’t really concentrate on the words in the story, and found his eyes drifting back towards her every few seconds. He still couldn’t believe he had got her back.</p><p>That afternoon, Remus helped Mary to the bathroom and ran her a bath, throwing Harry’s various plastic toys out of the way so that she could get in unobstructed. Mary thanked him and closed the door gently in his face. She spent a very long time inside, but when she came out she looked physically relaxed and the months worth of grime were finally washed away. The towel she emerged in didn’t cover everything though and the purple welts and red scratches on her skin startled Remus when they peeked out over her cream-coloured towel.</p><p>“Can I tempt you to another cuppa?” He asked quickly, when she turned and caught him staring. </p><p>“Mmm, please.” She replied, covering her shoulder self-consciously with her hand.</p><p>Remus arrived at his bedroom door a few minutes later, steaming tea in tow and knocked softly at the door. Mary called out to him to come in and he found her perched on the end of his bed, still clad in only the towel. “What are you doing?” He exclaimed, hurrying forward, pausing only to deposit the tea on the bedside table and wrapping the quilt around her. “You’ll freeze to death dressed like that, Mary.”</p><p>“Unlikely, Sweetheart.” She snorted. “I don’t really feel the cold anymore.”</p><p>“What about the pain?”</p><p>“What pain?”</p><p>“Oh come on Mary, we’re both smarter than that.”</p><p>She nodded. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Suffering people can be incredibly cruel, we’ve already established that. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’m only looking forward from now on.”</p><p>“I’ve missed you. Terribly.”</p><p>“I’ve missed you too, Remus.”</p><p>Carefully, Remus put a hand to her cheek and guided her face to his, pressing his lips gently to hers. Instinctually, Mary kissed him back for a second, before her body went rigid and she pulled her face away. Instantly, Remus turned away from her, his hands falling away from her face into a knot in his lap. “Mary… I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-…”</p><p>“No, no, it’s alright. I’m the one who’s sorry. It’s just-… Oh Remus, I’m sorry but I can’t let myself start to feel like that again. I can’t let myself begin to hope, I can’t let myself love you in that way just to have you take it away from me again.”</p><p>“I thought you understood why I did that-…”</p><p>“Of course I do, I know you think it’s in my best interest. That I’ll be safer-…”</p><p>“You will be safer-…”</p><p>“Knowing all that doesn’t make it hurt any less, Sweetheart.”</p><p>“I won’t ever do it again Mary, I’m sorry. I promised you I’d never hurt you, doing things like this is breaking my promises.”</p><p>“Oh that’s alright.” Mary smirked. “You were just bending the rules.” She added with a wink. “Besides, I haven’t had a snog in longer than I care to admit. You just did me a favour, giving me a little practice before I even try to adventure back into the dating scene.”</p><p>“Sure, let’s go with that.”</p><p>“You want to know the worst part?”</p><p>“Why not, let’s make me feel as bad as possible all at once, get it out of the way.”</p><p>Mary smiled softly and nudged his shoulder with hers. “The worst part is, in that second when we kissed, I saw just how easily I could fall back into how I used to feel about you. Isn’t that pathetic? You’d think you were wearing enchanted lip balm or something. My foolish heart is always going to be ready to jump your bones at any minute.”</p><p>“Hmm, how romantic!”</p><p>“You started it!” She giggled.</p><p>“You’re right, I did, and you finished it.”</p><p>“Makes a pleasant change.”</p><p>“I meant what I said, Mary. I won’t do it again.”</p><p>“I’d be okay with it if there was any chance that you had changed your mind. If I thought you weren’t going to ditch me when thing’s got too serious.”</p><p>“You know I can’t promise you that…. as much as I might like to.”</p><p>“I know, which is why I’m putting up my walls. From here on out I love you completely and unconditionally, but only as a friend and as a housemate. It’s probably for the best anyway, we don’t want to confuse, Fawn.”</p><p>“He’s pretty chilled out, I think he’d be okay with it.”</p><p>“Well then, we don’t want to confuse Padfoot.”</p><p>“Ahh, you’ve got me there. Yeah, he would take it a little less well I’m fairly certain.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. chapter eighteen.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mary edged her way down the staircase, still feeling quite weak, but desperate to be out of Remus’ bed. She knew that Sirius had made up a different bed for her in one of the other rooms and that Remus had taken refuge in one of the sitting rooms. The enormity of the house was slightly bewildering and she took several wrong turns before she found herself on the landing above the ground floor. Leaning heavily on the bannister, she admired the painting and framed photographs that hung on the walls, her fingers dancing around the edge of the frames, her silver rings clinking against the glass. Her eyes landed on a photograph of herself and Lily, Mary’s arms wrapped around the latter as she sat in a hospital bed, her tired eyes sparkling as she glanced between the camera and the sleeping newborn in her arms. Mary stumbled, tears springing to her eyes and her hand slipped slightly on the bannister. She regained her balance and her composure, before jumping when she saw Harry standing a few stairs below her. “Hello, Fawn.” She choked slightly. “What are you up to?”</p><p>“We heard you on the stairs but you stopped so Sirius sent me to check you knew the way to the kitchen… Are you alright?”</p><p>“Perfectly fine, thank you Sweetheart. But it’s a good thing you found me, I was getting a bit lost. Just down here is it?”</p><p>“Yes. I can help you if you want.”</p><p>“That would be lovely, thank you.” Mary reached out the hand that wasn’t clutching the bannister and Harry jogged up the stairs and took it, leading her down the staircase and into the kitchen.</p><p>“Find it alright, MacDonald?” Sirius asked, looking up from his paper and grinning at her.</p><p>Mary returned the smile and settled herself in the seat opposite him, gratefully taking the mug of tea Remus offered her. “In the end! Harry had to rescue me.”</p><p>“She was looking at the pictures!”</p><p>“Was she now?” Sirius beamed at Harry. “See anything you like, MacDonald?”</p><p>“A few things.” She nodded. “It’s wonderful to see them all again. I like that you have them out. Much better than having them stuffed away in albums and boxes that nobody looks at.”</p><p>“Harry likes to see them.” Sirius explained.</p><p>“Look, there’s another one of my parents.” Harry pointed out to Mary, showing her a photograph that had been stuck to the fridge with a Snitch-shaped magnet.</p><p>Mary bit her bottom lip and smiled hard as tears threatened. She didn’t want to worry Harry so worked on blinking them away. “They always looked so happy.” She whispered.</p><p>“That’s because they were.” Sirius reminded her.</p><p>“That must be why it always looked so effortless.”</p><p>Harry clambered up onto the chair beside Mary’s and stared intently at her. “So you met my mum at Hogwarts?”</p><p>“Yep! On the very first day. We shared a dormitory with some other Gryffindor girls, actually quite a few of them joined the Order. There was me, your mum, Emmeline Vance, Dorcas Meadowes and-…” Mary trailed off, her eyes falling on Sirius.</p><p>“I’ll be right back.” Sirius said tactfully and walked out of the room, as though he were going in search of something. Harry was none the wiser and looked back at Mary with anticipatory eyes.</p><p>“And Marlene McKinnon.” Mary added quickly, smiling at Harry.</p><p>“What about Neville’s mum?”</p><p>“Oh yes, Alice was part of the Order too, but she was a couple of years ahead of us at school so she wasn’t in our dorm.”</p><p>“And Mrs Weasley?”</p><p>“She was in the same year as Alice, two years under her brothers Gideon and Fabian who were also in the Order.” Mary reeled off.</p><p>“That’s pretty cool.”</p><p>“Yeah, it was pretty cool!”</p><p>At that moment, Remus wandered into the kitchen and told Harry that Sirius needed his help with something upstairs. Harry scampered out of the room and Mary rose too, fetching herself a cup of coffee. “I think I upset Sirius.” She murmured worriedly to Remus.</p><p>“He finds it hard to talk about Marlene but he won’t be upset with you.” He assured her. “Don’t worry about it.” Mary turned to face herself in the large mirror on the opposite wall and gasped. Remus jumped. “What’s the matter? Are you hurt?”</p><p>“God look at me, Remus.” Mary whimpered at her reflection.</p><p>“You look beautiful, like always.”</p><p>“I look sick. Scrawny, horrifically skinny.”</p><p>“You’ve been living a rough life. You’ve endured unimaginable things. It’s bound to show. A few weeks of home comforts and you’ll look like your old self again, I promise.”</p><p>“I wish it didn’t show.” She muttered.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“All the pain. It might be easier to hide, to pretend it never happened, if I didn’t look like I was already dead.”</p><p>“You’re nowhere close to death.” Remus lied, trying not to remember his gut-wrenching fear when she had collapsed into his arms. The fact that he had been trying to reconcile the idea that she was most likely dead for the better part of a decade also haunted him, but he refused to let on to it to Mary.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Her body slipped against his, their legs tangling in the sheets as their fingers tangled in one another’s hair, months overdue for haircuts.</p><p>“Bad dog…” She breathed, her smirk meeting his as they embraced.</p><p>Sirius woke with a start, his body covered in sweat as shame and longing pounded in his chest. She wasn’t real. She hadn’t been real for a long time. He dragged a hand down his face and shook his head firmly. Mary had reminded him of her, that was all.</p><p>He needed to get a grip. He needed to move on. It had been a very long time since he had shared a bed with Marlene McKinnon, he needed to start sleeping soundly alone.</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Harry, no. Come on, mate. No, we’re going to go have some breakfast. Harry, leave her be. Mary’s still sleeping, leave her to sleep. Harry, oi listen to me. Harry-…” Annoyingly, the little boy ignored Remus’ pleas and walked purposefully into Mary’s bedroom, wiping his bleary eyes with the back of his hand, still half asleep himself. His Snitch did a taunting circle around Remus’ head before following Harry into the room. Reluctantly Remus pushed the door open so that it was wide enough for him to step inside, with the intention of pulling Harry back out of the room before he could disturb Mary. He entered just in time to see Harry clambering up onto the mattress, tripping on the duvet and landing with a tired thump next to her. Mary stirred and turned to see what the lump beside her was. She smiled gently and lifted a skinny arm up to cradle Harry close to her. Bemusedly, Remus watched as the two of them dropped back off to sleep wrapped up together. He left them to it.</p><p>Later that morning, when all members of the household had arisen, they prepared to venture to the Burrow so that Mary could meet the Weasleys properly. Although she had met some of the older kids and Molly and Arthur in the old days of the Order, Sirius felt it was important that she see that they were Harry’s family as much as anyone.</p><p>Sirius and Remus prepared the fireplace for them to travel by Floo Network and then Sirius stretched out his arms for Harry. “Ready? Hold on to me tight.” Then, seeing Harry turning towards Mary he added. “Harry, if you want to go with Mary you have to really cling on to her. Can you do that or do you want me just to carry you like normal?”</p><p>“I’m too big to be carried now, Sirius.” Harry said as though it were obvious and slipped his hand into Mary’s. She smiled and guided his other hand to her waist, curling his fingers around the belt loops on her jeans so he wouldn’t fall away.</p><p>“Hold on tight, Fawn. I don’t want to lose you.”</p><p>He cuddled close to her and smiled up at her. “You won’t.” He promised.</p><p>Mary took the following weeks at a gentle pace, sleeping a lot and being very quiet. She was exhausted in more ways than one, and wasn’t used to frequent interactions with other people, or having a warm bed to sleep in. Despite this, she fell back into the way she had been with Remus and Sirius all those years ago pretty much straight away and was over the moon to have her friends back. Harry doted on her, and spent as much time glued to her side as Sirius would allow. He was worried that the little boy would begin to irritate Mary, but she liked having him close by as much as he liked being there. Sirius wasn’t overly strict with keeping Harry away from Mary so she could rest, because he understood the appeal and recognised how like Lily Mary was. Being Muggle Born, like his mother had been, caused Mary to be a subject of Harry’s fascination and admiration, a role she happily took on. She was keen to show him the very best of Muggle life, and prove to him that there was more to it than the experiences and attitudes of his aunt and uncle.</p><p>When she had fully recovered and settled into life at the house, a few months after her sudden and dramatic arrival, Arthur Weasley found a low-level administrative job for Mary at the Ministry. The money wasn’t much, but it was more than she’d had since leaving the Order and having somewhere to go every day gave her a new sense of purpose that she hadn’t had in years. In fact, Remus was a little jealous. Before long, Mary was able to contribute to their new and slightly odd family unit. Sirius wouldn’t hear anything of rent or utility expenses from her, so instead Mary took to buying in food when she knew they were running low or picking up the odd piece of furniture or decorative item for the house. She did most of her shopping in Muggle London on the weekends, preferring it to the Wizarding sector. Although she had long since fully adapted to life in the Wizarding World, Mary, like Lily, never really left her Muggle-Born roots behind and still had a fondness for the everyday things that she wouldn’t have ever been exposed to if she had been born to a magical family. She was also keen to share these things with Harry, knowing that if Lily had been alive he would have known all about them from her and his dad’s second-hand enthusiasm for all things Muggle. Harry spent hours pouring over the non-moving photographs that Mary had of his parents and the other members of the Order, including several embarrassing group shots featuring Sirius and Remus that the little boy insisted on sticking to their fridge. He also adored the stacks of records that she slowly collected, replacing the ones she had once kept at her parent’s house. After a little while, her charity shop record player was moved into the living room for all of them to enjoy. They couldn’t help but smile when it was playing, no matter what else was happening in that particular moment or the nature of the song that was playing. For Harry, he was free to imagine his parents listening to the same lyrics and notes that he was listening to, and the thought felt like a warm blanket. For the adults, it took them right back to their time at Hogwarts and the Common Room record player that an ex-Muggle Born Gryffindor had donated when they had graduated, and their time at the Order, during their evenings off. Happy to be with one another, and content to think of nothing but the music.</p><p>Harry was under strict instructions from Sirius never to go into Mary’s room when she wasn’t there, or to touch her things without her explicit permission, but Mary never minded. If she was there, she was more than happy for him to dig around in her drawers and try her clothes on. She was never bothered by the mess he created, knowing that it would all be neatly put away again with a flick of her wand when Harry grew bored of playing or when dinner was ready.</p><p>On Wednesdays, Mary watched Harry while Sirius and Remus got on with whatever they had to do, whether that was some work in their respective offices or going into London or to see Dumbledore. Leaving the house was becoming more and more frequent, so usually on Wednesdays Harry and Mary had the house to themselves.</p><p>Mary very rarely wore robes or any other traditional witch attire, except when it was absolutely necessary. The longer she stayed with them, the more her wardrobe grew and Harry would spend hours in her room, running his fingers over the different fabrics, pulling out articles of particular interest. He liked the jackets the most, especially the denim ones with patches and pins attached to them. There were a few pictures of his mother in similar articles in Mary’s photo albums, and in the ones Sirius and Remus had salvaged for him when he was younger. Sometimes, when the Weasleys would come over, Mary would let Harry play with the Weasley children in her room, though usually only Ginny would last the test of time. She was as interested in the clothes as Harry was, and though some of her brothers shared their father’s interests in the Muggle objects that Mary owned and used as frequently as they did enchanted things, to them, clothes, even Muggle clothes, were just clothes and they would usually slope off downstairs or to go and play together in Harry’s room before long. Ginny never teased Harry for liking the wardrobe, nor did she ever ask him why he was so interested in this part of his heritage. She just played happily along with him, trying on the things that he handed to her, even though they were always a little too big for her.</p><p>Once, when Mary walked into the room with the intent of retrieving a book she had borrowed from Molly and wanted to send back with the Weasleys, she stopped in her tracks and grinned when she saw Ginny tottering around in a pair of Doc Marten boots and a leather jacket that hung down belong the little girl’s knees, her patchwork robes peeking out from beneath the garment. Her task forgotten, Mary shrunk the jacket and the boots down with her wand and twisted Ginny’s hair into a braid by hand. When she was done, Ginny, Harry and Mary all admired the handiwork in Mary’s full-length mirror.</p><p>As Ginny admired the ensemble, turning to look at the back, Mary smiled softly, her eyes sparkling as she looked at Harry beside Ginny. “You could almost pass for a young Lily Evans…” She said, and then, catching herself she added, “Well, Lily Potter as she later became. But when she looked as you do, she was just ‘Evans’ to all that knew her.” Harry’s eyes widened a little as he looked at Ginny, searching for the person he had spent so many hours trying to memorise from fading photographs. He glanced away again after a few seconds, knowing it was hopeless. His mother wasn’t there, and Ginny didn’t look the way he imagined his mother to look, if she was living and breathing and right in front of him. Ginny was Ginny, and no matter how nice he might think she looked, she wasn’t Lily. “Now, we should find something for the young Mr James Potter, I think.” Mary announced, trying to wipe the dejected look off of Harry’s face before he got too sad and the fun was ruined.</p><p>Molly raised her eyebrows when she saw Ginny’s new look, but said nothing, except to thank Mary for the clothes, which the other witch insisted she did not want back. They were a gift.</p><p>One day, a few weeks after her arrival at the house, Harry snuck towards Mary’s bedroom far after his own bedtime. She was tidying her room, wandering around it and humming a familiar tune. It bothered Harry that he couldn’t think of what the song was called and after a few minutes of watching her, he pushed open the door. “What is that you’re singing?”</p><p>Mary jumped and whirled around. “Oh Harry, Sweetheart, you’re supposed to be in bed. Sirius will kill me if he thinks I’m keeping you up!”</p><p>“The song, Mary.” Harry pressed. “What is it?”</p><p>“Do you recognise it?”</p><p>He shrugged. “Yeah, but I don’t remember where from.”</p><p>“I’m surprised you remember at all, you were so little.”</p><p>“Oh… My mother sang it to me, didn’t she?”</p><p>“Your mother, your father, me… all of us had a go. For a while it was the only thing that would send you to sleep, and quite often she couldn’t be there to be the one to sing it to you.”</p><p>Harry nodded slowly and walked a little further into the room. “I recognise it.”</p><p>“I’m glad.”</p><p>“Mary?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Where did you live before you came to live with us?”</p><p>“Everywhere.”</p><p>“Everywhere?”</p><p>“And nowhere. I didn’t technically have a house or anything.” She lowered herself onto her bed and patted the spot next to her for Harry to climb up onto.</p><p>“Remus said you spent a lot of time being cold and hungry and that’s why you like to keep the house warm and why you always finish your dinner.”</p><p>“Yeah he’s right about that. I was cold a lot, and hungry too. I didn’t have any money to buy nice things like I do now. But it wasn't all bad, Sweetheart.”</p><p>“There were good bits too?”</p><p>“God yes! Harry, there is always good to be found in terrible situations. I saw so much! I travelled the length of Britain several times over looking for the thing I sought. I stood on hilltops and watched sunrises more beautiful than any painting. I washed in brooks so fresh the water had come from the mountains into my cupped hands. I saw people laugh and cry and rejoice and mourn. I feel like I saw all the wonders of the world. So yes, I wasn’t always comfortable, but please don’t ever feel sorry for me, Fawn. I’ve lived my life, and though there are things I would change about it if I had the chance, I have found joy in the way I’ve lived.”</p><p>“What were you looking for?”</p><p>“You, of course.” She smiled, wrapping an arm around him and kissing the top of his head.</p>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. chapter nineteen.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry James Potter is eight years old. He does not cry when bath time is announced, but he does cry when the water gets in his eyes. He knows that he is the child of James and Lily Potter. He knows that they were killed by a bad wizard when he was one. He does not know why. He knows that he lives with his godfather Sirius and his godfather's best friend Remus and his mum's friend Mary in a big house that someone gave to Sirius when they died. The house has lots of good hiding places. He doesn't get scared at night time anymore. His best friend is Ron Weasley, but he likes the other Weasley siblings a lot as well. He does not take baths as much anymore, only on a Sunday night. Every other day he takes showers and is old enough now to be left unattended whilst doing so. Harry spends a lot of time in and around the house. His favourite place changes every day. Sometimes it's the garden, because he can practice flying on his brand new broom, an upgrade from the junior broom that he learnt on, which he spends as much time as he's allowed to on after getting it for his eighth birthday. Other times, his favourite place is the attic room, where he can look out over the garden and the fields surrounding the big house. Uncle Sirius conjured a mattress for Harry to sit on when he's up there, but he's not allowed to sleep in the attic because of how cold it gets. There is a rather large hole in the roof, which, if Harry wanted to, he could easily climb through and get up onto the roof itself. Sometimes he does after getting up onto it for the first time with Ron. They went up there nearly every day for two weeks before Sirius caught them and yelled at them for ten minutes about how dangerous it was. Then he asked Remus to teach them a spell that attached an invisible rope to their ankles and anchored them to the inside of the attic in case they ever fell off. He likes going to his lessons at the Burrow, because after a few hours of patient work, he and the Weasley siblings are allowed to play outside until Sirius or Remus comes to fetch Harry home. Usually they stay for dinner under Mrs Weasley's insistence.</p><p>~~~</p><p>"Don't drag your feet, Fawn."</p><p>"I'm not going to trip." Groaned Harry, continuing to drag his feet along the dirty London pavement.</p><p>"I didn't say you were, I don't want you to ruin your nice new shoes." Mary retorted, readjusting her bag on her shoulder. "Quickly now, Sweetheart." She said encouragingly as Harry kept up his snail-like pace beside her.</p><p>"But I don't want to go to St Mungos." Harry whined.</p><p>"Funny," Sirius quipped in reply, catching up to them. "I don't remember asking you if you wanted to go or not. Hurry up, we're going to be late. Where's Moony?"</p><p>"He got stuck behind the Japanese tour group behind us." Harry replied, stifling a giggle. Sirius glanced back and saw Remus' loping frame trying to edge its way around the gaggle of tourists and grinned, but continued forward, knowing Remus would catch up eventually. He kept his hand on Harry's shoulder, partly to stop him from getting lost in the crowds and partly to keep him walking at a quick enough pace. "It's not fair..." The boy picked up his complaining where he had left off.</p><p>"Life's not fair." Sirius replied absent-mindedly, trying to remember the right way to get to the hospital from the Muggle entrance. "Mary, can I trust you to keep up?"</p><p>"Absolutely, right behind you. I'll keep an eye on Remus too, keep going."</p><p>"Why do we have to go?"</p><p>"Because we go to St Mungos every year on this day." Snapped Sirius. "We've done it for seven years and we're not stopping now."</p><p>"But why-..."</p><p>"Because Frank and Alice Longbottom are friends of ours, they were friends of your parents and they were injured in the line of duty." Remus replied simply, panting slightly, having just run to catch up with them. Mary jogged along beside him, matching each of his steps with three of hers. "They fought beside all of us many times, and we wouldn't necessarily be here if it weren't for their service to the Order. The least we can do is go and visit them once a year."</p><p>"But they don't even know we're there." Muttered Harry.</p><p>"There's no way to tell whether they can tell or not, it's not about that." Sirius replied. "Besides, Neville gets to see that his parents have people that care about them and about him, and that's worth a lot. Surely you can understand that."</p><p>"I'm excited to see them," Mary added. "It's been such a long time and poor Neville will be-..."</p><p>Harry stopped walking, wrenching his shoulder out of his godfather's grip. Sirius, Remus and Mary all spun around to look at him. Harry's face was like thunder. "It's. Not. Fair." He spat, turning on his heel and walking back the way he came.</p><p>"Harry-..."</p><p>"We can't let him just walk off." Remus said.</p><p>"Let him have his moment, we'll follow behind him, make sure he doesn't get lost." Mary bit her lip. "I didn't think when I said that-..."</p><p>"It's not your fault." Sirius promised her. "He's never had a problem with visiting the Longbottoms before. Something's happened, he's feeling more sensitive about his parents at the moment, I noticed it the other day."</p><p>"You two follow him, I'll go ahead to St. Mungos." Mary offered. "That way if it takes a while I can make your excuses."</p><p>"We won't be long if you want to wait."</p><p>"No, I'm not sure this is the sort of conversation I'm needed for, not yet at least. This is a parental figure kind of chat and I see myself more as a cool aunt. I'll see you guys inside."</p><p>Slowly but surely, Sirius and Remus caught up to Harry. When they had done so, the flame of his anger had cooled a little and he just looked a little dejected. Finally, Remus said, "Do you want to tell us what that was all about?"</p><p>"Sorry."</p><p>"We don't want an apology, just an explanation, please."</p><p>"Neville gets to see his parents, even if they don't know him. Mine are dead and buried and I don't even remember what they look like except from photos. Neville gets to hug his mum and talk to his dad and I-..."</p><p>"Harry, mate. I'm sorry. All I meant was, surely you don't want Neville, your friend, to feel the same way that you do about your parents. Surely, we want as little pain in the world as possible, right?"</p><p>"Yes but-..."</p><p>"But what?"</p><p>Harry's eyes filled with tears. "But Neville gets to see his parents, even if they might as well be dead for the amount they know him and I've never even been to my parents' grave."</p><p>"Is that what this is all about? You've never been to the memorial site?"</p><p>"I haven't even been back in Godric's Hollow." Harry pouted. "I know that's because everyone thought it would be too dangerous and I didn't even remember it anyway, but it's been seven years since they died, no one is waiting around to hurt me, right? I want to see it all."</p><p>"Harry, it might upset you to see the graves." Remus said tactfully. "As for Godric's Hollow, the only place you and your parents spent any time was the house itself because you were all in hiding, and it was destroyed."</p><p>"Sirius said the ruin is still there."</p><p>"Well exactly, you'll see the destroyed version of the happy family home you're picturing in your head."</p><p>"I'm not a baby anymore. I know that someone took my parents away from me and they destroyed the life I had with them. I'm happy as I am, really I am, but I think I deserve to know what I lost, what was taken from me."</p><p>"We can definitely talk it over, mate. We'll consider it together, as a family. But for now, we have to go to the hospital."</p><p>"Fine, but only if you promise we'll talk about it."</p><p>"Absolutely."</p><p>When they reached St Mungos, they spotted Mary immediately. She was leaning against the wall of the hospital, seemingly oblivious to the admiring glances of the passing pedestrians, many of them craned their necks back to steal another moment looking at her, and almost stumbled into the person walking in front of them. When they saw the strangely-dressed trio that walked up to greet her, their eyes widened and they struggled to draw a connection between the beautiful, ethereal girl in the jean-jacket and summer dress and the two men dressed in brightly-coloured robes and the little boy wearing a mixed-up ensemble of oversized Muggle clothes and robes. When she saw them, she pushed herself off the wall with her foot and raised a questioning eyebrow at Sirius. "Ready?" She asked, but her question was loaded with unspoken wondering.</p><p>"As we'll ever be." He replied, but winked at her to let her know that, for now, Harry was back to normal and would be on his best behaviour during the visit. Mary nodded and put her hand on Harry's head as he walked past her and they went through the doors as a group.</p><p>Sirius and Remus, well-versed in the layout of St Mungos after having visited once a year for the past seven years, made a beeline for the lift and beckoned for Mary to follow them. Harry stuck close to her, staring around at all of the unusual maladies. When they had stepped into the lift, and found themselves the only occupants, Sirius turned to Mary. "You need to be prepared for this, Mary. They're really not the same as they were. They'll have no idea it's us. It's for Neville that we do it, really." Mary nodded and dipped her eyeline to the floor, suddenly nervous.</p><p>Remus led the way once the lift had reached the correct floor and gave their letters of visitation to the clerk at the door to the ward. They were nodded in and entered a room filled with beds. At one end, an older witch and a boy around Harry's age were sitting in two armchairs with a man and a woman in hospital gowns.</p><p>Harry left Mary's side and ran up to Neville, grinning and started chatting to him immediately. The little boy seemed grateful for the distraction and greeted Harry warmly. Sirius and Remus followed Harry, reaching to clap the man in the hospital gown on the back. "Alright, Frank? How are things?"</p><p>Mary walked slowly forward, her eyes trained solely on the woman. Her hair was shorn short and she had a dazed, far-off look in her eyes. "Hi Alice." Mary breathed, without expecting an answer from her friend. "I'm sorry it's been such a long time since I came to visit. I got lost on the way."</p><p>"Lost... Lost and found? Lost boys? Lost forever, lost the way..."</p><p>"Yeah, something like that..." Mary smiled, putting her hand to Alice's cheek and stroking it affectionately. Then, Mary turned around to talk to the boys. "Hi, I'm Mary."</p><p>"Neville."</p><p>"Nice to meet you, Neville. What have you got there?"</p><p>"It's a book about magical plants." Neville sniffed and wiped his nose on the back of his sleeve. "Gran thought Dad might like to look at the pictures but he wasn't in a sitting-still mood."</p><p>"Well that's alright... Sometimes we just get itchy feet, don't we? But you know, if you need someone to look at this book with you, I'm rather fond of magical plants too!"</p><p>"Really?" Neville's eyes shone with hope.</p><p>"Really. Do you know what a mandrake is?"</p><p>"Certainly!"</p><p>~~~</p><p>A few hours later, Sirius, Remus, Mary and Harry filed out of the hospital with the intention of heading to Diagon Alley to get some lunch. "Come on, let's go." Sirius chuckled as Harry attempted to do a jump and kick in his new Muggle trainers.</p><p>"Sirius?" A voice called out from behind them and Sirius turned back still grinning. But the smile dropped from his lips the moment he laid eyes on her. "Sirius Black, don't ignore me. I know it's you."</p><p>"Mary, Remus, will you take Harry to the Leaky Cauldron? I just have to deal with something."</p><p>"Deal with something?" The woman spat. "Deal with something? How dare you? How fucking dare you."</p><p>"Come on Harry, let's go." Mary said briskly, but Harry pulled away from her, unable to stop himself from staring at the woman and Sirius who was growing more uncomfortable by the minute.</p><p>"That's enough." Sirius said slowly. "Don't speak like that in front of my godson."</p><p>"You said a lot worse to me that night." The woman hissed. "And then what? No word, nothing. I gave you everything and what do I have to show for it?"</p><p>"Stop this, this is not the place. What do you want? Money?" Mary visibly cringed and as Sirius realised what he had said, he backtracked as quickly as possible. "That's not what I meant. I-..."</p><p>"Is that what you think of me? I'm just some common whore that you can fuck, pay and leave?"</p><p>"That really is enough now." Remus said, stepping forward. "This is between the two of you, don't speak like that in front of the boy."</p><p>"So this is Harry Potter? The famous Harry Potter! Well Harry Potter, I just hope you don't grow into a man like your godfather for the sake of all of us."</p><p>"THAT'S ENOUGH." Sirius roared and Harry quivered, hiding himself behind Mary who tried again, this time successfully, to usher him away.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Half an hour later, Sirius finally caught up with the rest of his confused and slightly worried group in the Leaky Cauldron and sank down into the booth next to Mary, rubbing his face with both hands. "Alright, Sweetheart?"</p><p>"Just super..."</p><p>"Who was that?" Harry asked his godfather anxiously.</p><p>"Um... No-one."</p><p>Remus frowned. "Do you even know her?"</p><p>"Of course I know her, who do you think I am?"</p><p>"I don't know who you are anymore, Sirius." Remus muttered, clearly unsettled by the scene he had just witnessed.</p><p>"Come on boys, let's not be overdramatic." Mary said cooly. "Go on, Sirius."</p><p>"We grew up together. Her name is Arabella. We were... more or less promised to one another from when we were very small."</p><p>"What? How come I didn't know about this?"</p><p>"Funnily enough, Moony, it's not something I'm particularly proud of. Nobody knew, not even James... Arabella and I played together all the time when we were little and then when we got to ten years old we started planning how great our time at Hogwarts was going to be. But she hadn't-..."</p><p>"Hadn't what?" Mary prompted him to continue.</p><p>Sirius sighed deeply. "Shown any magical ability. We all just thought she was a late bloomer or shy or something. Well anyway, my eleventh birthday rolls around and I get my letter. My future sealed, a way out of my parent's house. And I was going to have my best friend by my side through it all, right? Her birthday was two weeks after mine and her letter didn't arrive. I told her the owl must have got lost. Another week, still no letter and she was starting to get really worked up about it. A few days later I went to see her. The House Elf told me they'd gone on holiday and they wouldn't return before the term started. I waited for her on the platform before the Express pulled away but she never showed up."</p><p>"That's why you leapt onto the step and almost didn't get onto the train. James and I pulled you into the carriage to stop you getting in trouble."</p><p>"And we became best friends." Grinned Sirius.</p><p>"What happened to her?"</p><p>"I went to see her again at Christmas and her mother told me she had gone to Beauxbatons and would be staying in France until her schooling was over. I was distraught. I wrote to Beauxbatons so many times-..."</p><p>"We thought you were writing home."</p><p>"No chance. In the end, the school got in touch with Arabella's parents and mine... They told me then that she was a Squib and that the shame was too much. They'd sent her to live in some Muggle institution and put a curse on her so that she wouldn't be able to tell anyone outside of the Wizarding World what she knew about it. They considered wiping her memory but apparently her mother had a rare moment of compassion."</p><p>"Oh..."</p><p>"I ran into her a couple of years ago and we started writing letters again. She's been living as a Muggle for the last twenty years. When I last went to London, we met up and... we spent some time together." He said, flashing a look at Harry and deciding not to say any more.</p><p>"That poor woman."</p><p>"Hey, I didn't mean to hurt her. I didn't know that I wasn't going to want to be with her beyond that one time. I didn't know how I'd react."</p><p>"It's not her fault that she's not Marlene, Sirius."</p><p>"Yeah, I know. Look, I'll write her a very long and sincere apology. Okay?"</p><p>Nobody said anything in response to this, their minds full of the ways the Wizarding War was still hurting them every single day.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. chapter twenty.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One day, Sirius and Remus were drinking their morning coffees in the kitchen while Harry played with some figurines on the table. Mary had gone to her work at the Ministry bright and early, though the remains of her breakfast dishes lay in the sink waiting to be tidied away. Harry was feeling a little gloomy. He missed Mary when she wasn’t there, just as he missed Sirius and Remus whenever they had to leave him, and was already counting down the hours until she would come home again. “Can I try some?” Harry asked suddenly, fingering the handle of Remus’ cup.</p><p>Remus looked over the top of his paper at Sirius, who shrugged. “I mean, it’s not Firewhisky. How bad can a little bit of coffee be?”</p><p>“Ever heard of famous last words, Padfoot?”</p><p>Remus was proven right in the following hours, which culminated in Mary arriving home to an excited Harry greeting her at the front door. “Hi, Sweetheart! Woah, what did you drink five espressos? You’re bouncing off the walls.”</p><p>“Just one.” Remus muttered.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Remus let him try his coffee.” Sirius said disapprovingly.</p><p>“Me? You’re the one that said it was alright because it wasn’t Firewhisky!”</p><p>“Was Firewhisky on offer?”</p><p>“I wish,” Replied Remus grimly. “It might have made the last few hours a little more bearable.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>A few days later, Sirius walked into the kitchen, opening one of the envelopes absentmindedly as he did so. His foot caught on something and he tripped as he entered the room, looking up just in time to see a chair skid and Mary topple over. Yelling out in surprise, Sirius caught her round the waist and they both fell to the floor, the chair coming down with them. Groaning, Mary sat up. “Good catch, Handsome, but try and watch where you’re going in future.”</p><p>“Well funnily enough I didn’t remember leaving the chair there. Nor was I really expecting you to fall from the sky on top of me.” Sirius grumbled, setting her down on her feet.</p><p>“I was hanging the beads.” She gestured to the bead curtain obviously.</p><p>“Of course you were.”</p><p>“Aren’t they nice? I found them in a market in Camden, a real bargain.”</p><p>“That’s because charging you any more than a few pence for that monstrosity would be a criminal offence.”</p><p>“Harry likes them.” She argued.</p><p>“Last time I checked Harry was not an interior design expert.”</p><p>“Last time I checked neither were you. Besides, what happened to ‘make yourself at home, Mary’?”</p><p>Sirius chuckled. “I really should have put limits on that sentence.”</p><p>“I’ll remind you to do so next time you invite a random vagrant to stay in the house.”</p><p>“I appreciate that.”</p><p>“Are we going to the Weasleys this afternoon?”</p><p>“Yeah, I think that’s the plan. Molly’s making a big lunch for everyone. Augusta and Neville are coming along too.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>That afternoon, while Remus helped Molly with preparing the lunch and Mary chatted to Arthur about all of the Muggle things he was tinkering with in his shed, Sirius came across Ginny sitting alone in the back garden. As he approached, Ginny’s bottom lip began to tremble and Sirius could see her neck tightening as she swallowed compulsively to try and dissolve the lump that had settled there. “Alright Gingerbread?” He said casually, as though he hadn’t noticed that she was upset.</p><p>“Fine.” Ginny replied curtly, rubbing her nose on her sleeve quickly.</p><p>“Why aren’t you playing with the boys?”</p><p>“Because I don’t have a broom and they won’t let me borrow any of theirs.”</p><p>Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Do you know how to fly?”</p><p>“Yes. No. Well, not yet. I will though, as soon as I get my hands on a broom.”</p><p>“Well yeah, that is a pretty important part of flying. Hey, doesn’t Bill have an old broom in the shed?”</p><p>“Probably.”</p><p>“Why don’t you borrow that, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”</p><p>“Because Fred and George have eternal dibs on everything in the broom shed. Besides, I can’t get into it. Even when it’s unlocked the door is too heavy.”</p><p>“Then don’t use the door.”</p><p>“What? Sirius, how else am I supposed to get inside?”</p><p>“Darling, you’ve got to learn to think outside the box, it’s the only way you’re going to stay on top of those six brothers of yours. Look there’s a window, and I think it might be just your size Gingerbread. Come on, I’ll give you a boost and then, if we can snag a broom, a flying lesson.”</p><p>Ginny grinned mischievously and leapt to her feet, sprinting towards the broom shed. When they reached it, Sirius reached up and pushed the window open, thankful that it had been left unlocked. Then he picked Ginny up and angled her towards the opening. She kicked herself through, tumbling down onto the wooden floor with a crash before calling back, “I’m okay, Sirius!”</p><p>“Good! Open the door.” Ginny did as he asked and handed him two brooms. Sirius explained the logistics of flying a broom for a few minutes before letting her climb up onto one of them. Ginny listened with intent concentration, something that impressed Sirius very much in someone of her age. He had never been this good at paying attention. Finally, Sirius held onto the front and back of a broom and helped Ginny clamber up onto it. Ginny’s bottom lip quivered as she clung to the neck of the broom. “What’s the matter?” Sirius asked gently, his hand hovering over her back as he supported the underside of the broom with his other hand, as he had done when Harry was first learning to fly.</p><p>“What if I fall?”</p><p>Sirius smirked. “And what if you fly?”</p><p>“What if I hurt myself?”</p><p>“Pain is temporary. The joy that this will give you will never go away.”</p><p>“Okay.” She nodded, her mouth pressed into a determined line. “I’m ready.”</p><p>For nearly an hour, Sirius watched and coached as Ginny zoomed elegantly around the small section of the garden they had chosen for their training ground, careful not to be noticed by the rest of the family. When Molly called out that it was time for lunch, Sirius helped Ginny land with only a slight stumble. “I’ve never seen a first lesson like that, Gingerbread! That was amazing. You’re a natural for sure.” Sirius cheered excitedly.</p><p>“Better than Harry?” She challenged with a glimmer in her eyes.</p><p>“Better than his first lesson, sure. Keep working that hard and you’ll out-fly all six of your brothers at once, mark my words.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>That night, Sirius, Remus and Harry were listening to Mary’s gramophone in the living room. As one record ended, Sirius stood and slipped on a new one. Its sheath boasted the name Billie Holiday and as the gentle music began to play, Sirius smiled softly and sank down into his armchair, his eyes glazed over, his mind elsewhere. “Your mother loved this one…” He murmured and lifted his drink to his lips. Harry snapped to attention and folded his legs beneath himself on the rug and listened intently to the words of ‘I’ll Be Seeing You.’ In Sirius’ mind, a reel of images began to play, snapshots of the life he had lived so happily with his friends at Hogwarts, and then in the stolen years after they left school and joined the Order. A case of Lily’s things from her Muggle bedroom arriving at Headquarters, courtesy of Petunia, after the death of their mother. James helping her sift through the clothes that no longer fit her, and the water-damaged paperback books. Her face lighting up with bittersweet memories when her fingers grazed the bottom of the case and found a stack of records, some of which had belonged to her father. Billie Holiday was one of his favourites. The record went on and played for several hours on repeat. For some of that time, there was gentle, clumsy dancing as everyone picked up and swapped partners, with the exception of James and Lily who stayed safely entwined with one another. Sirius’ arms drifted from Mary to Emmeline to Alice, and then humorously between Peter and Remus before he felt a knowing tap in between his shoulder-blades. He felt Remus release his hands and walk away to flop back down on one of the sinking sofas that littered Headquarters, the book he’d been reading, picked up from Lily’s pile and absently begun, back in his hands. Sirius turned and had barely laid eyes on her before she was wrapping her arms around his neck and swaying with him in time to the music. Together they twirled around the room until they were breathless and giggling, but still they kept moving, their bodies pressed so close together they moved as one. It was one of the last times he ever held her…</p><p>The song came to an end and Sirius’ mind returned to the present. He took another obligatory swig of his drink and glanced up to see Harry smiling to himself, as though he too could see the image of his parents dancing together to the crooning Jazz singer. Sirius’ gaze then flicked to Remus, who was leaning against the doorframe, having arrived some time during the song. His face was sad, and Sirius thought, a little angry. Their eyes met for only a moment before Remus used his shoulder to push himself back off the doorway and walked out of the room. A few moments later, Sirius heard the sound of Remus’ bedroom door click shut. Ten minutes later, Mary walked past the living room and asked if Harry or Sirius had seen Remus. “Upstairs.” Harry replied without looking at her, his eyes focused on the record player. “Play it again, Sirius. Please.”</p><p>After he had seen Harry to bed, Sirius went and found Remus, who was reading alone in his bedroom. “Remus-...” Sirius began but Remus cut him off angrily.</p><p>“You have to stop living in the shadow of the past. Those years were incredible, but they’re over. We can’t go back, we can’t get any of it back.”</p><p>“I’m not in denial Moony, I just want Harry to know what it was like. I just want to tell him-…”</p><p>“But you’re not just telling him, Sirius. You’re trying to recreate how it felt. It’s toxic. Harry deserves to have his own childhood, not just to feel the aftershocks of ours.”</p><p>“It would be the same if his parents were here.”</p><p>“No it wouldn’t, it would all be different if his parents were here. If they were here, we could all talk about the old days and laugh about them, the memories would be happy and it would be nice for him to think about what they were like before he was born. As it is, even the happy memories are tainted and every time he thinks about his parents, he has to acknowledge the fact that he will never know them. He has to imagine them and make up things about them to make them feel real.”</p><p>“So what do you suggest? We never talk about them? We pretend they never existed? We let Harry think that we didn’t care about them or that we’ve forgotten about them?”</p><p>“Of course not. I’m saying that we wait for him to ask us about them before we force our memories down his throat. We need to give him some time to live out of the shadow of their lives. Sirius, for Harry’s whole life, especially when he gets to Hogwarts, people are going to compare him to James, or they’ll expect him to live up to Lily’s memory. People are going to be curious to see how he’s turned out, even without their input. He needs to be Harry for a while before he has to be ‘James and Lily Potter’s Son. Harry Potter, The Chosen One’.”</p><p>“Fine. Fine, okay. I’ll try and do better. Sorry.”</p><p>Remus bit his lip, suddenly regretful of the way he had spoken to Sirius. “I’m sorry too.”</p><p>Meanwhile, on the other side of the house, Harry snuck out of his bed and into Mary’s room, finding her leaning far out of her bedroom window, smoking a cigarette. “Mary?” She jumped and tried to hide the cigarette, but upon seeing Harry broke into a guilty smile instead.</p><p>“You caught me. Do me a favour, Sweetheart, don’t tell your Uncle Sirius. I only have one occasionally, when I’m upset or confused about something. Helps me think.”</p><p>“What are you upset about?”</p><p>“Not upset exactly, just a little sad and a little nostalgic. I haven’t listened to that song in a long time.”</p><p>“Because of my mum?”</p><p>“Yeah, because of Lily… because of all of them, because of everything that happened… I’m just a little bit sick of being sad over it, y’know? It feels really unfair that I can’t stop feeling sad when I think about her, when all she gave me was joy when she was alive. It’s a really shitty thing that happened, and I have to keep reliving it, I can’t escape it. Oh shit, don’t tell Sirius I swore in front of you as well.”</p><p>“It’s okay, he does it all the time when he thinks I’m not listening.”</p><p>“Exactly, he’s going to get all up on his high horse about it and say that I should have waited until I could pretend I didn’t know you were listening like he does.”</p><p>“Surely not all of the memories are sad ones, right?”</p><p>“Of course not, Sweetheart. In fact, almost all of them are happy. Yes, it was scary and we were in danger and we lost people, but we were also together all of the time. And we really loved each other, all of us. I hope that if you know anything about your parents it’s how loved they were, and how much fun we all had together… But that’s what makes me sad, because it’s over and I can’t get those times back.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next night, the gramophone was playing again and Harry was allowed to pick the record. From Mary’s collection, he pulled one out and screwed up his face. “What’s a Juice Newton?”</p><p>“Juice Newton is a person.” Mary giggled, taking the record from him. “A singer.”</p><p>“Can we listen to this one?”</p><p>“Sure, Fawn!”</p><p>Mary changed the record for him and began to sway as the first few bars of ‘Angel of the Morning’ began to play. Sirius smirked and flicked his gaze over to Remus, who had frozen with the book in his hand, staring at the page without taking in any of the words. Mary moved towards him and stuck her hand out to him. “Can I help you?”</p><p>“Dance with me?” Mary purred.</p><p>“I don’t think so, Mary. Ask Harry.”</p><p>She pouted. “Harry’s too little, he can’t lead and I don’t know how to lead.”</p><p>“Then ask Sirius.”</p><p>“I don’t want to dance with Sirius.”</p><p>Sirius smirked and said, “Yeah, Moony, she doesn’t want to dance with me.”</p><p>“I want to dance with you.” Mary said again to Remus.</p><p>“She wants to dance with yo-…”</p><p>“Yes Padfoot, I can hear her.”</p><p>“Come on, Remus… you did it once before.” Mary’s eyes sparkled at the memory.</p><p>“I was several firewhiskies to the wind that night.”</p><p>“Please. Just dance with me. Just once more.”</p><p>“Harry, let’s go get something to eat.” Sirius suggested tactfully. “I think there’s some of Mrs Weasley’s cake left in the cupboard.”</p><p>“But I want to dance.” Harry protested, swaying from side to side.</p><p>“We’ll catch the next track, mate. Let’s go.”</p><p>They left Mary and Remus wrapped in each other’s arms. Mary’s lips were close to his ear as the song died away. “Just call me angel of the morning, angel…” She sang, smiling. Then as the song came to a close she pulled a little further away and looked into his eyes. “Then slowly turn away. I won’t beg you to stay… with me…” She mouthed. “Goodnight Remus.” She whispered, before hurrying out of the room.</p><p>Later that night, Remus was sitting alone in his bedroom when he heard footsteps padding down the corridor. The knock sounded so quietly it was as if he did not want to be heard. She called out for him to enter. Without either of them speaking, the made their ways towards one another and hugged tightly, fiercely. A gentle kiss on the cheek turned to another, lower, along his jawline. He moved his face to the side as another came towards him, finding her lips with his own. “I missed you.” She whispered hoarsely.</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. chapter twenty-one.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Remus?” Mary whispered, turning over to face him, the bed sheets tangling with her legs.</p><p>“Hmm?” He replied, keeping his contented eyes shut.</p><p>“I know you tell Sirius everything… and quite right too, but… maybe we shouldn’t tell him about this?”</p><p>“Oh?” His eyes sprang open and he turned to look at her. “Why not?”</p><p>She pressed her hand to his heart and said, “Because it’s not going to happen again.”</p><p>“I see.”</p><p>“Not because I don’t want it to…” She rushed, sitting up. “God, Remus, if we were a normal couple with a normal past everything would be perfect right now. But-…”</p><p>“But we’re not normal. I understand.”</p><p>“Last time we were so young and we were crazy about each other.” Mary smiled at him. “We loved each other, I really believe that. And truth be told I never stopped loving you but we broke each other’s hearts because we’re not normal. We can’t go down that path again, it will only lead to trouble.”</p><p>“So what do you suggest?”</p><p>Mary shrugged lightly. “We love each other but at a distance.”</p><p>“Oh yes, very satisfying.” He muttered sarcastically in response.</p><p>She nudged him. “Be serious, Sweetheart.”</p><p>“Sorry… I just hate that you’re right. Because I am still crazy about you, Mary. Although, to be fair, every person that’s ever met you is crazy about you. I’ve always loved you though-…”</p><p>“I loved you back.”</p><p>“Exactly. In any other circumstances we’d probably be married with kids by now-… It’s what we both wanted all those years ago.”</p><p>Mary shrugged. “It wasn’t meant to be.”</p><p>“Yes it was. I wasn’t meant to be. I was supposed to die when I was five years old, I shouldn’t still be here causing all manner of harm because of what I am-…”</p><p>“Don’t say that. Never ever say that. If you had never existed I would have always been miserable. Things have been hard and being apart from you broke my heart but at least I could reflect on moments like-… well like the one we just had. Stolen fragments of time in which only we exist and nothing else matters. They mean everything to me, Remus. You mean everything to me.”</p><p>“We’re back to where we were the last time. We can’t be together and it’s my fault.”</p><p>“So what? So we can’t get married and we can’t have kids. Fine. We live together and we have Harry and Sirius and the Weasleys and everybody else. We have each other in our lives. That’s all that matters. All I’m saying is… I think we need to keep things as uncomplicated as possible. That means no more stolen moments. Not right now.”</p><p>“Don’t say that.” Remus said bitterly. “Either cut me off or don’t. I can’t live not knowing what’s going to happen with us-…”</p><p>“Why not?” Mary smirked. “Planning on marrying some other witch?”</p><p>Remus considered this for a moment and then cracked a smile. “No... I suppose you’re right. I was always destined to pine after you, never allowed to follow my strongest desires.”</p><p>“I do love you, Sweetheart. I really do.”</p><p>“I know... well, I think I know that. It was the one hope I always clung to when we were apart for all of those years.”</p><p>“It’s true, I promise.”</p><p>“Good. Because I love you, Mary MacDonald.” He took her hand in his and squeezed it. “Even if I was never allowed to touch you again my foolish heart would never forget you, I could never stop loving you.”</p><p>“Nobody said anything about no touching.” She smirked teasingly. “We just can’t sleep together.”</p><p>“Oh I understand now, there’s a line, is that it? We can toe the line but never cross it, is that right?”</p><p>“Yes, I suppose so.”</p><p>“So I can do this?” He entwined his fingers in hers, clasping her hand tightly.</p><p>“Yes, that’s alright.”</p><p>“This?” He used his other hand to pull her hair back out of her face.</p><p>“Yes.” She breathed.</p><p>“And this? This is fairly innocent, isn’t it?” He kissed her cheekbone lightly.</p><p>“Hmm, yes I think so.”</p><p>“This?” He whispered, his lips dancing along her jaw.</p><p>“Ye-…”</p><p>“This, Mary? Can I do this?” His lips had moved lower, pressing against her jugular and down to the skin that lay where her neck and collarbones met.</p><p>“I-…”</p><p>Remus’ put his hand to her face, cradling it as he kissed her lips gently. “Just being friendly.” He teased and she moaned involuntarily and craned her neck to reach his lips again. He kissed her back hungrily. “Be careful MacDonald, you’re in danger of crossing the line.”</p><p>“The diet starts on Monday.” She growled, dropping the sheet she had wrapped around her torso and pulling him towards her.</p><p>A few hours later, Mary rolled lazily towards him and he instinctively wrapped his arm around her, burying his face in her hair. Suddenly, she jolted upright and a panicked look spread across her face.</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Didn’t you hear that?”</p><p>“Hear what?”</p><p>“The footsteps. It’s Harry! He can’t find us like this, you need to hide.”</p><p>“This is my room!” He hissed. </p><p>“Shit! You’re right - I need to hide!” And with that, Mary hit the floor, scuttling her naked body under his bed. Remus ran to his bedroom door and reached it just before Harry did, turning the little boy around and marching him back to his own room, fetching him a glass of water on the way.</p><p>When Harry was well and truly settled, Remus returned to an empty room. Mary, and Remus’ jumper, were gone, and all that was left was her scent on his bedsheets.</p><p>He was almost worried that he had imagined the whole night.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Mary arrived home a few days later and called into the house, “I need some strong wizards to help me push something in here.”</p><p>Remus snorted. “You’re in the wrong house if it’s physical strength you’re after.”</p><p>“Have you ever heard of this cool new thing called magic?” Sirius teased without looking up from his paper. “It makes pushing things around pretty easy actually.”</p><p>“Don’t be so boring, some things are meant to be done by hand. This is one of them. Come on Harry, you’ll help me won’t you?”</p><p>Dutifully Harry rose and followed Mary into the front hallway, where a big black box was sitting on its side. “What’s that?” He asked.</p><p>“What’s that…” Mary muttered, shaking her head in disbelief. “Fawn, this is a television!”</p><p>Sirius and Remus had, by now, followed to see what the fuss was all about. “You bought a T.V.?”</p><p>“Yeah! It’s just a crappy one from the charity shop, but it came with a whole bag of VHS tapes. I thought a new kind of Muggle education would do Harry some good. Plus, it’s just a bit of fun.”</p><p>“You want to put that monstrosity in my living room?” Sirius said, his face crinkling up as if the sight of the television physically repulsed him.</p><p>“What happened to ‘what’s mine is yours, my darling Mary’?”</p><p>“I never said that.”</p><p>“Well it was something along those lines, it’s not my fault if my mind started to wander while you were saying it… Come on boys, help me shift it!”</p><p>Together, they managed to carry the television through into the living room. However, because Sirius still refused to get electricity for the house, Mary had to enchant it to make it work. Harry’s eyes widened as figures appeared on the screen, walking around and speaking to each other, like the portraits on the walls. He was so fascinated by the new addition to their household, that he immediately asked if they could invite the Weasleys over for dinner so that he might show it off to them. He felt that Ron and Ginny, in particular, would be very taken with it.</p><p>Sirius agreed that this was a marvellous idea and sent an owl immediately to the Burrow to invite the Weasleys, before sending another to invite Neville and his grandmother to attend, as well as a third to his cousin Andromeda and her family. Within a few hours, the house was chocked full of people, most of whom were gathered in the living room, staring at the television with great interest. Arthur Weasley was almost beside himself with excitement, while Ginny got increasingly closer to the screen, trying to work out why the people weren’t looking back at her as she did so. Augusta Longbottom meanwhile watched from the living room doorway, eyeing the set with great suspicion.</p><p>Sirius sat chatting to Molly, who told him that Madam Hooch, the Gryffindor Quidditch teacher had told Charlie that if he continued flying as well as he was and put even more training in, he could make the British Quidditch team when he left Hogwarts. Sirius moved away and went in search of Charlie, who was not sitting with his siblings and admiring the T.V. He eventually found him sitting on the steps in the back garden, looking a little dejected. “What are you doing out here all alone?” Sirius asked him with concern, sinking down to sit beside him.</p><p>“Mum told you about Quidditch… Didn’t she?”</p><p>“Yeah, how’d you know?”</p><p>“She’s telling everyone that’ll listen at the moment.” He grumbled under his breath.</p><p>“You know Charlie, Madam Hooch isn’t wrong. You could easily make the British team.”</p><p>Charlie’s jaw clenched. “I don’t want to make the British team.”</p><p>“Oh… Well, even local teams can make it to higher levels and-…”</p><p>“No Sirius, you don’t understand. I love Quidditch, but it’s more of a hobby. I never loved it the same way my brothers do, even if I’m pretty good at it now.”</p><p>“Oh… Well what do you want to do instead?”</p><p>Charlie inhaled slowly, as though working up the courage to admit something. “I want to go to Romania and work with the dragons out there.”</p><p>“Romania? Really?”</p><p>“Yeah. There’s this program over there where I can learn all about caring for them and if I’m good enough they might take me on at the end and give me a job. It’s always been a bit of a dream, I’ve always wanted to try and go for it.”</p><p>“That’s great. Romania, wow! So you’re going to go for that then?”</p><p>“Probably not.”</p><p>“What, why not?”</p><p>“Mum would go mad. Just me moving away would be bad enough, but to go and work with creatures as dangerous as dragons? Forget about it. She’d never let me go.”</p><p>“Charlie, I’ve known your mum for a long time, but I’ve also known you for a long time. I can see that this is something you really want. You’ve always loved dragons, it’s pretty much the only topic you ever have a lot to say about. If you don’t go for this, you won’t be as happy, that’s just a fact. You need to at least try. And as much as I love and respect your mother, and as much as I think you definitely need to tell her about it first, you’re a big boy now and you need to start living life on your terms,”</p><p>“I don’t want to upset her.”</p><p>“Then tackle it gently and give her time.” Sirius advised. “But you can’t make yourself miserable for the sake of pleasing others. Believe me, I tried to do it for sixteen years and all it brought was heartache and disappointment.”</p><p>“You’ve never told me about your family before. I mean, I know you don’t get on with them but-…”</p><p>“That’s because they’re not my family anymore.” Sirius shrugged. “All of the people in that busy household are my family, you’re a part of my family Charlie. And that’s why I can’t stand by and let you miss the opportunity to do what you love.”</p><p>“Thanks, Sirius.”</p><p>“Not a problem.”</p><p>“Can I ask one more favour?”</p><p>“What’s that then?”</p><p>“Can you or Remus take me to the interview? I need to be accompanied by a wizard over the age of seventeen but it doesn’t explicitly say that it needs to be a parent or guardian. I’d ask Dad but he won’t ever keep it from Mum and she wouldn’t let me go so-…”</p><p>“Just let me know when it is and I’ll put the day aside.” Sirius interrupted gently. “But I would encourage you to talk to your parents about this sooner rather than later. No point putting off the inevitable screaming match.”</p><p>“Yeah but the difference is if I tell them before the interview the screaming match will turn into being house-bound but if I tell her after then I’ll be a legal adult and can come and go as I please.”</p><p>“I can’t argue with that logic. Just do me a favour in return, yeah?”</p><p>“Anything.”</p><p>“If you ever catch wind of Harry sneaking around and trying to do stuff without permission, give me a heads up. You know I won’t try to stop him, but I like to know when he’s plunging head first into something stupid.”</p><p>Charlie laughed. “You got it. Come on, dinner will be ready soon. Thank you again, Sirius, you don’t know how much it means to me.”</p><p>“Actually, I do... That’s why I’m helping you do it.”</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. chapter twenty-two.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry James Potter is eight years old. He does not take baths anymore, not even on Sundays because he gets too hot. He takes a shower every night instead, even though sleeping on his wet hair makes it stick up funny in the morning. He knows that he is the child of James and Lily Potter. He knows that they were killed by a bad wizard called Voldemort when he was one. He does not know why. He knows that he’s not supposed to say the bad wizard’s name out loud in public because it upsets people, but he’s allowed to say it in the house as long as it’s out of earshot of any of the Weasleys. He doesn’t get scared at night time anymore. His best friends are Neville Longbottom and Ron Weasley, but he likes the other Weasleys siblings a lot as well. He knows that he lives with his godfather Sirius and his godfather’s best friend Remus and his mum’s friend Mary in a big house that someone gave to Sirius when they died. The house has lots of good hiding places. Harry spends a lot of time in and around the house. His favourite place changes every day. Sometimes it’s the garden, because he can practice flying on his brand new broom, an upgrade from the junior broom that he learnt on, which he spends as much time as he’s allowed to on after getting it for his eighth birthday. Other times, his favourite place is the attic room, where he can look out over the garden and the fields surrounding the big house. Uncle Sirius conjured a mattress for Harry to sit on when he’s up there, but he’s not allowed to sleep in the attic because of how cold it gets. There is a rather large hole in the roof, which, if Harry wanted to, he could easily climb through and get up onto the roof itself. Sometimes he does after getting up onto it for the first time with Ron. They went up there nearly every day for two weeks before Sirius caught them and yelled at them for ten minutes about how dangerous it was. Then he asked Remus to teach them a spell that attached an invisible rope to their ankles and anchored them to the inside of the attic in case they ever fell off. He likes going to his lessons at the Burrow, because after a few hours of patient work, he and the Weasley siblings are allowed to play outside until Sirius or Remus or Mary comes to fetch Harry home. Usually they stay for dinner under Mrs Weasley’s insistence.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Ginny was twisting daisies into Harry’s hair, which she had already attempted to braid and curl around her small fingers in the last hour. The boy seemed hardly even to notice, so immersed was he in the most recent Quidditch book that Remus had brought back for him from a trip to Diagon Alley. He and Ron had spent the earlier part of the afternoon racing around the Weasley’s garden, alternating between playing a variation of Quidditch designed for fewer players on each side with Ron’s brothers, and running around and rough-housing on the uneven grass. Now, the boys had well and truly tired themselves out and were being quiet of their own accord in the intoxicating, sleep-inducing warmth of the late afternoon sun. Percy and Bill had retreated into their bedrooms whilst Charlie went in search of his father who was working on something in his shed. Fred and George had climbed the large tree in the corner of the garden, and after being rejected from also hiding out in the branches, Harry and Ron had settled for lying beneath it, sheltering in its shade. Harry had fetched his book, and after looking at all the pictures in it with Ron at first, had taken to reading it properly when the other boy had lost interest and had simply resorted to falling asleep on the hard ground. Ginny had joined Harry only a few minutes later, unknowingly saving Ron, and Harry as an additional innocent victim, of having something foul-smelling dropped down onto his head by the twins, who would never dream of allowing their little sister to get caught in the crossfire, not least because their feared that the wrath of their mother would be far worse if Ginny returned to the house covered in Ashwinder saliva than if Ron did. They also suspected the punishment would be worse if they got Harry too, but were more willing to take that risk on account of Harry being a boy and the best friend to their annoying younger brother, no matter how well he got on with them regardless of this fact.</p><p>“You ought to cut that boy’s hair, it’s getting in his eyes, he can barely see.” Molly noted, watching Ginny playing with Harry’s hair. So far she’d managed to get six small individually-picked daisies to stay where they were amongst the tufts, and was now working on constructing a crown out of connected daisies and long blades of grass.</p><p>“Maybe a trim would do him some good.” Sirius admitted tilting his head back to catch the sun on his chin. “I’m beginning to forget what he looks like underneath that mane.”</p><p>“He looks like James,” Remus reminded him softly, his eyes focused lazily on Harry. “Which is precisely the reason we haven’t had his hair cut. Well, that and the fact that Harry refuses to cooperate with the idea. James always kept his hair short even though it never sat right when it was short. It always, somehow, ended up being neater when it was longer. There weren’t as many tufty bits to deal with I suppose.”</p><p>“Maybe it’s for the best then, maybe he doesn’t need to look exactly like his father.” Molly conceded. “Although, with his hair that length I can’t help but think how much he looks like you, Sirius.”</p><p>“The similarities stop at the hairstyle, I assure you.”</p><p>“Consider me unassured then, because that boy is a mini-you as much as he is a mini-James Potter.” Mary scoffed as Molly nodded enthusiastically in agreement. “The attitude is unmistakable.”</p><p>“I don’t have an attitude! And neither does Harry, he’s his own, independent person and he’s chilled out to the max.”</p><p>“People did always mistake you and James for brothers.” Remus reminded him. “If Harry keeps on looking like James as he gets older, people will start thinking he’s your son.”</p><p>“No. He’s James’.” Sirius said determinedly. “He’ll always belong to James.”</p><p>“Of course he will, but you need to acknowledge that James didn’t raise him, as tragic as that fact may be.” Mary chimed in, wandering out of the house with a book in her hand. “You have had an impact on that boy, he looks up to you and much as he does the memory of his real father.”</p><p>“It shouldn’t be that way.”</p><p>“But it is that way. It’s not a bad thing. Yes, of course, we all wish James and Lily had been able to raise their son, but in their absence the two of you have done a great job-…”</p><p>“And you, Mary.” Said Molly. “You’ve become almost like a mother to Harry since you got back.”</p><p>“Well now that I have to disagree with. I swooped in at the last minute, Harry was already fully-grown. I’m more of a fun aunt or something, I’ve maintained the responsibility-level I would have had if his parents were here. If anything, Molly, you’ve been the surrogate mother for him. From what I’ve heard you swept him up into your nest of chicks and made him your own.”</p><p>“I-…”</p><p>“Mary’s right, Mols, he adores you. I mean he loves you too, Mary, completely and utterly, but there is an infant-like familiarity with you, Molly.”</p><p>“We all did what he could.”</p><p>“It worked, we can say that much. He’s just the best kid, isn’t he?”</p><p>~~~</p><p>“I don’t want to go to bed.” Harry whined later that night. The sun had long since set, and it was clear that Harry should have been asleep for several hours, but the thought of sending him to bed had only just occurred to the adults.</p><p>“Why not?” Sirius asked him.</p><p>“Sleep is boring.”</p><p>“How can you say that?” Exclaimed Mary. “Boring? That’s where dreams live, it’s as far away from boring as it could possibly be.”</p><p>“I never remember my dreams.” Harry insisted. “Well, except the bad ones… Anyway, all of you get to stay up.”</p><p>“We’re grown-ups.”</p><p>“Besides, I have an early journey tomorrow so I’m just pushing through.” Mary added.</p><p>Sirius furrowed his brow. This was the first he’d heard of this plan. “Where are you going?”</p><p>“To see my dad. It’s been a long time but I think it’s time to clear the air.”</p><p>“Does he know you’re going?” Asked Remus.</p><p>“No, but I think it’s better just to show up. I’m hoping he’ll just be happy to see me and he won’t have a chance to stew over all of the mistakes I’ve made and all of the things I’ve put him through.”</p><p>“Where does your dad live?” Harry asked her, excited at the chance to keep the conversation going.</p><p>“Funnily enough, he lives on a farm.”</p><p>“Funnily enough?” Sirius said, confused.</p><p>“Old Macdonald had a farm…” Sung Harry. “It’s a Muggle nursery rhyme.”</p><p>“Oh… Okay. Harry, I’m serious now, get to bed.”</p><p>“Of course you’re Sirius!” Harry cackled, dodging his godfather and sprinting away into the house, intent on keeping up a chase for as long as possible.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next night, Sirius was sitting up late in his study working on some correspondence when he heard a bang and what sounded like muffled moaning. Confused, Sirius stood with his wand grasped tight in his hand. He skirted down the corridor and peered in on Harry who was sleeping blissfully in his bedroom, and then continued through the house until he reached the kitchen.</p><p>She was sitting at the kitchen table, the only light illuminating the room coming from the moon through the window. “Mary?” Sirius called out softly, trying not to spook her. He lit the candles in the room with a flick of his wand and was horrified to see that she had been crying.</p><p>“He died.” She croaked before burying her face in her hands as a fresh wave of tears cascaded from her eyes and the sobs wracked her body.</p><p>“Oh… Oh Mary, I’m so sorry.” Sirius rushed towards her, moving one of the other chairs close to hers and pulling her into his arms. She leant her head on his chest, her hands still covering her face and cried hard for several minutes. Neither of them said anything, Sirius just rested his chin on the crown of her head and held her, rubbing comforting circles over her back like he did to Harry when he was upset, and let her cry until she was finished.</p><p>Finally, Mary pulled away and wiped her nose on her sleeve. “He disinherited me.” She said lowly, bitterness tainting her words. “Someone else owns the farm, my childhood home. My mother’s grave is on the property and his will said that he had no surviving children.”</p><p>“That’s awful, I-…”</p><p>“For all intents and purposes he cast me aside, he abandoned me, left me with nothing.” She charged on, her face reddening. “His only child.”</p><p>“I know…”</p><p>Mary’s lip trembled again and she looked imploringly at Sirius with big watery eyes. “So why does it still hurt that he’s gone? Why do I still grieve for him, Sirius? Why do I still love him?”</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “God if I knew the answer to that, everything would be a hell of a lot less complicated.”</p><p>“Sorry, I shouldn’t be putting this on you. I meant to go straight to bed when I got in but I sat down and I couldn’t get back up.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it. Besides, if anyone’s gonna understand why you’re upset it’s probably me.”</p><p>“Did you go through this when your dad died?”</p><p>“Somewhat. But it’s different. You were forced to leave your parents, the love you felt for them was never going to go away, not properly. I left mine willingly because I knew I didn’t - couldn’t - love them. But I know what it feels like to hate somebody but still miss them. Still love them.”</p><p>“Peter?” Sirius nodded solemnly. “Remus said you never speak about him.”</p><p>“Never.”</p><p>“I thought it was because of what he did.”</p><p>“Well there’s that.” Sirius nodded. “Remus wants to talk about Pettigrew because he knows how to separate the good Peter and the bad Pettigrew, right? But I can’t do that, I can’t separate them. The fact is, the good Peter, our Peter, did the terrible things that Pettigrew did. There’s no denying it. But I loved him right up until the point that he did those things, I couldn’t just turn it off. That’s where the conflict lies.”</p><p>“What do you think James would have thought of it all?”</p><p>“He would never have believed it was Peter, not our Peter. And even when it was proven, he wouldn’t have been angry because he was the one that suffered. He would have gone to his grave claiming that Peter had to have only done it because there was no other option. But if he had known that Peter gave up Lily and Harry for himself, well… I don’t think forgiveness would have been given so easily. Either way, he was always a better person than me.”</p><p>“Refusing to forgive Peter for what he did doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a loyal friend.”</p><p>“But loyal to which friend?”</p><p>“Peter broke the chain first, and at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter who else suffered as a result of his actions, Harry suffered and will continue to suffer. I’ve only been back in his life for a little while, but I could never forgive anybody for putting that boy through anything close to the horror of what he’s been through.”</p><p>“You’re right. Pettigrew is the reason my friends are dead, but he’s also the person that allowed someone to attempt to kill my godson. It doesn’t matter how good or bad I am… I can never forgive that. I will never forgive that.”</p><p>“God, we really have got ourselves into some truly fucked-up messes, haven’t we?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged. “Dumbledore warned us of as much when we joined the Order.”</p><p>“I wish we’d listened.”</p><p>“I don’t.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because if I hadn't joined the Order, a lot of the good things that have happened in my life would never have happened.”</p><p>“Like?”</p><p>“Well think about it. Sure, Prongs and Evans started dating in Seventh Year but who knows if they would have gotten married and had Harry when they did if they hadn't had the pressure of the war around them. You and Remus might not have got together, me and Marlene-…”</p><p>“You and I have different definitions of ‘good things’.”</p><p>“You and Remus?”</p><p>Mary sniffed. “It felt good at the time, but it’s caused me a whole lot of trouble ever since.”</p><p>“But you love him, don’t you?”</p><p>She smiled softly. “Always.”</p><p>“Would you prefer a life without him?”</p><p>“Never.”</p><p>“Then, my dear Mary, I think you have to concede that it was a good thing.”</p><p>“Okay, you got me." She grinned through her tears. "I’d better call it a night. I have a lot of stuff to work out.”</p><p>“Alright, see you tomorrow. And Mary?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“I really am sorry, about your dad. It might not seem like it should, but I know that it hurts and that it’s not going to stop hurting just because you don’t understand the pain. We’re all here for you, okay?”</p><p>“I know. Thanks Sirius, for everything.”</p><p>“Anytime, Macdonald.”</p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. chapter twenty-three.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius Black’s thirtieth birthday crept up on him. He woke early and staggered to the bathroom, not remembering for several minutes that he was no longer a man in his twenties. He caught sight of himself in the bathroom mirror and grimaced. He pulled on his face, examining the lines that had engraved themselves there. What would he have looked like now? How would he have aged? Gracefully, that was obvious. No frown lines, no signs of anger having ever crossed his face. Maybe a ‘v’ between his eyebrows from worrying about Lily or his friends when they went on raids. Laughter lines, they would have been unavoidable. Even at twenty one, the age he had been when Sirius had last seen his friend in the flesh, they had begun to linger on his face even when it was completely relaxed. Sirius sighed sadly and shook his head at himself. There was no point in even considering any of this. He would never see James at age thirty. He would never see James ever again.</p><p>He splashed his face with water roughly and stormed back out of the bathroom, heading down to kitchen for his morning coffee and hoping that his small, mismatched family would make as little fuss of him as possible. No such luck. As he descended the stairs, Sirius was assaulted by a series of brightly coloured balloons, all bearing the message “Happy 30th!” in cursive writing. When he reached the kitchen, Harry launched himself at his godfather and hugged him tight as Remus and Mary cheered, “Happy Birthday, Padfoot!”</p><p>“Thanks guys.” Sirius smiled, feigning sleepiness and making a beeline for the kitchen table with Harry still holding onto him.</p><p>“Many happy returns.” Remus said lowly to his friends and their eyes met. In that moment, as in so many others in their long friendship, there was complete understanding between them.</p><p>Today was going to be a hard day, there was no denying it. But, looking around at Remus, Harry and Mary, Sirius couldn’t see why it couldn’t also be beautiful.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Christmas was spent at the Burrow with the Weasleys, who were all listening with great interest to the adventures of Fred and George, who had completed their first term at Hogwarts. “What’s it like?” Harry asked them eagerly, more interested than he had been with the three Weasley boys that had preceded Fred and George, since Harry’s own start there was not so far away now.</p><p>“Wicked!” Fred replied. “I mean the classes are a bit boring sometimes, but you’re allowed to do magic whenever you want.”</p><p>“Good food too, and the beds in the Common Room are pretty comfy-…” Added George.</p><p>“Only if you’re in Gryffindor though.” Fred cut in wisely. “The Ravenclaws have to sleep with their feet glued to the ceiling and the Slytherins sleep on the floor of the dungeon.”</p><p>George smirked. “You’d better watch yourself Ron, they don’t let losers into Gryffindor. You’ll be on the dungeon floor, make no mistake.”</p><p>Ron frowned deeply and wandered away from the conversation, ending up beside Sirius in the kitchen, looking for a drink of water. From the other room, they heard a sudden burst of yelling emanating from Molly Weasley, which vanished as soon as it had erupted. “What’s that all about?” Sirius asked Ron.</p><p>“Mum’s in a mood with Charlie.” Ron muttered.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because he applied, in secret, to do some weird dragon apprenticeship thing in Romania without telling her, and he got it which means he’s going to move there soon. And when she asked him what happened to trying out for the British Quidditch team he told her that he hadn’t gone to the tryout that Madam Hooch arranged for him because it was on the same day as his interview for the dragon thing.”</p><p>“Oh…”</p><p>“And he won’t tell her how he got to the interview which means he got there in a way he wasn’t supposed to.”</p><p>“Right…”</p><p>“She thinks he got someone older to help him but Bill swears it wasn’t him, though he says that he would have helped if Charlie had asked him to.”</p><p>“I bet that helped matters.” Sirius muttered sarcastically and Ron smiled at him. “I’ll go see what I can do.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t if I were you. When Mum’s in a mood, she’ll turn it on anyone that gets in her way.”</p><p>“I’ll be careful, mate. I promise.” Sirius left Ron’s side and walked through the house, catching Charlie’s wide and anxious gaze on his way past the living room. Sirius nodded subtly and kept walking until he found Molly folding a batch of washing in Ginny’s bedroom. “Mols?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Everything okay?”</p><p>“Fine, fine." She bristled. "Except one of my children is intent on getting himself killed in a foreign country instead of committing himself to something that will bring him a lot of success-...”</p><p>“But that he doesn’t care about...”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Molly… come on." Sirius pleaded with her. "Dragons are Charlie’s passion, he’s always wanted to work with them. Everybody knows that.”</p><p>“You…” Molly’s eyes blazed. “You’re the one that took him to that interview. Aren’t you?”</p><p>“Well…”</p><p>“Don’t ‘well’ me, Sirius Black." Molly shrieked and Sirius heard the rest of the house fall into silence. "How dare you go behind my back when it comes to one of my children? I would never do that to you if it was Harry.”</p><p>Sirius held his ground. “I’d hope that you would if I was being unreasonable!”</p><p>“Unreasonable?” Molly yelled, her outrage causing her to almost vibrate. She and Sirius had never spoken to each other this way before.</p><p>“Yes, unreasonable. Molly, I know that you love Charlie and that you only want the best for him but he’s an adult. He gets to decide what’s best for him from now on. He deserves to be happy and going to Romania and working with dragons is going to make him happy. I supported him in it and I still do, because he thought you wouldn’t.”</p><p>“Well… of course I want him to be happy, but it’s so dangerous-...”</p><p>“He’s a smart kid, he’ll be careful." Sirius urged her. "He’ll get trained up properly when he gets there.”</p><p>“And it’s so far away…”</p><p>“He’ll be able to visit, Molly.”</p><p>She shook her head, tears shining in her eyes. “But he’s my baby, Sirius.”</p><p>“Except he’s not anymore. He’s your son. Your adult son that’s worked out what he wants to do with his life and is excited to get started. Why can’t you just be proud of that?”</p><p>“Of course I’m proud of him… I-..." Molly gave up with a sigh. "Oh alright. I know you’re right.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean to go behind your back, Mols…”</p><p>“I know. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”</p><p>“Are you going to tell Charlie he can go?”</p><p>Molly grimaced. “I suppose he’s going to do it whether I like it or not. I might as well make sure I get regular letters from him while he’s there.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>“So, how are you enjoying Spaghetti a la Macdonald?”</p><p>“Why is the pasta crunchy?” Harry screwed his face up at his fork.</p><p>“The harder something is to eat the better for you it is. Everyone knows that… Alright, just fill up on the garlic bread.” She took a bite of her own food and then screwed up her face in disgust. “I think I’ll be doing the same thing. But if that godfather of yours asks, tell him it was delicious and nutritious.”</p><p>“You got it, Mary.” Harry giggled, taking a bite of garlic bread and pushing his pasta-covered plate away from him.</p><p>“Hello, hello!” Sirius and Remus swung into the room, arriving home from London with big smiles on their faces.</p><p>“What are you too so pleased about?”</p><p>“We have a present for you, Harry!” From his bag, Sirius withdrew a long broom-shaped package. Harry leapt up, so eager that he knocked his water glass into his inedible pasta, and launched himself at the package. Tearing open the paper, he revealed a long and glossy broomstick, his first full-sized one.</p><p>“Woah… Thank you so much!”</p><p>“No problem. We’ll take it for a spin tomorrow, what do you say?”</p><p>“Yes please!”</p><p>“Mary… What is this supposed to be?” Remus asked, lifting up the wooden spoon still stuck in a pot on the stove and lifting a hard ball of pasta along with it.</p><p>That night a bad storm raged. A large crashing sound jolted Sirius awake and for several seconds he didn’t know what had happened. It wasn’t until a flash of white light filled the room that he remembered the storm, and turned over in bed, screwing his eyes up tight and willing himself to fall asleep. Panicked footsteps only moments later roused him again and he opened his eye just in time to see his bedroom door swing open and Harry’s worried face appear in the doorway. “Alright, mate?” Sirius asked casually.</p><p>“Yes.” Harry replied quickly, wringing his hands in front of him.</p><p>“Just having a midnight stroll?” Harry nodded and opened his mouth to speak when another clap of thunder rolled through the room and he gave up being brave and instead ran to the bed, jumping onto it and burying himself beneath the sheets beside Sirius. “You’re very lucky that I don’t sleep naked.” Sirius teased, but let the boy cuddle close in his fear. “It’s alright, mate. Just the weather.”</p><p>“I know that, but it doesn’t make it any less scary.” Harry replied defensively.</p><p>“Fair enough. Try and get some sleep now. You’re safe.”</p><p>Another rumble of thunder sounded and more running came down the corridor. “Is Harry with you?” Remus’ worried voice arrived before he did as he burst through Sirius’ door. “Oh good, there you are. I went to check on you and thought you’d run off into the storm or something.”</p><p>"I did. To here."</p><p>"As long as it's not out the front door and into the night that's fine by me."</p><p>Hurried footsteps skittered on the floorboards outside of the bedroom and all three of them looked up to see Mary appear, breathing heavily. She grinned at them and let herself in, flopping down on the end of the bed. “Thank god I finally found you all! This house really is unnecessarily huge, especially in a crisis!”</p><p>“Crisis?”</p><p>“Oh yes, I’m terrified of thunder and lightning. I thought I might find some kindred spirits in here.”</p><p>“I don’t like it either!” Harry rushed, thrilled at not being alone in his fear anymore. Sirius smoothed the hair on the top of his head fondly.</p><p>“I’m glad to hear it, Fawn! We can keep each other brave, can’t we?”</p><p>“Yes!”</p><p>“Great.” Sirius said sarcastically. “If you two are doing that, does it mean I get my bed back?” Harry released an involuntary whimper and moved closer to his godfather again. “Alright, you can stay, but you two,” Sirius looked at Remus and Mary. “Are adults that have fought and won against far scarier things than a bit of weather. Out.”</p><p>“They say that in the case of a natural disaster you ought to stay close to those you don’t want to lose in the chaos.”</p><p>“Mary, honestly. Don’t be so silly, it’s just a bit of rain and thunder. It is not a natural disaster.”</p><p>“Well I think it is a disaster and naturally I’m always right so…” Harry giggled and Mary winked at him, as if to say, ‘watch this, I’ve almost convinced him!’ And she was right, Sirius rolled his eyes and made room for Remus and Mary to lie down on the end of the bed under a separate blanket.</p><p>When the room had quieted except for the pattering of rain, the occasional rumble of thunder and Sirius and Harry’s combined deep breathing, Remus felt Mary brush up a little closer to him. Another crash of lightning sounded and Harry stirred but did not wake. Silently, Mary reached down and curled her fingers around Remus’ until their hands were clasped tightly together.</p>
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<a name="section0024"><h2>24. chapter twenty-four.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry James Potter is ten years old. He takes showers instead of baths, and the water doesn’t hurt when it gets in his eyes. He knows that he is the child of James and Lily Potter. He knows that they were killed by a bad wizard called Voldemort when he was one. He does not know why. He knows he’s not supposed to say the bad wizard’s name out loud, even though Uncle Sirius does. He knows that he lives with his Uncle Sirius and his Uncle Remus and his mum’s friend Mary in a big house that someone gave to Uncle Sirius when they died. The house has lots of good hiding places. He doesn’t get scared at night time anymore. His best friend is Ron Weasley, but he likes the other Weasleys siblings a lot as well. He knows that next September, he and Ron will go to Hogwarts like Ron’s older brothers. He knows that he wants to be sorted into Gryffindor house.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Sirius wandered into the kitchen, his brow furrowed, and his eyes trained on a piece of slightly crumpled parchment in his hands. “What’s that?” Mary asked him, pouring herself a glass of orange juice.</p><p>“Letter from Dumbledore. Says that he’s just heard word from Gringotts that James’ assets have been reevaluated and that several of those he inherited from his parents were not originally taken into consideration when he died.”</p><p>“What does that mean?”</p><p>“It means that Harry’s inheritance just grew a hell of a lot. Aside from a lot of money and family heirlooms, it seems that the old Potter house is his too.”</p><p>“I have a house?”</p><p>“Yeah, looks like it. It was your grandparents’. It’s pretty nice too, I used to spent summers there with your dad when we were at school.”</p><p>“Why did it take so long for it to be handed over?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged. “No idea. Must be one of those weird administrative errors. It never even occurred to me to look into what happened to the old place when Fleamont died. Apparently it’s just been sitting there, abandoned, ever since.”</p><p>“Can we go and see it?”</p><p>“Sure, mate. I’ll get them to send us the keys.”</p><p>Three days later, a set of large brass keys arrived, weighing down a very tired tawny owl, and Sirius, Remus, Mary and Harry made their way to the latter’s new asset. They decided to fly there, since they were unsure of whether the fireplaces at the house would still be connected to the Floo Network. The journey was deemed too far for Harry to make on his own broom, so he sat with his arms locked around Sirius’ waist on the back of his, with Mary and Remus flagging them on either side.</p><p>The house was indeed very nice. It was much larger than Harry had been expecting and built from sturdy, solid brick. There were a few holes in the roof and the front garden was very overgrown, but on the whole it looked fairly alright. Upon entering the house, aside from a thick layer of dust caking everything, Sirius noted that it was in much better shape than his uncle’s house had been when they had moved into it and it wouldn’t take too long to have this place looking nice and fresh.</p><p>Harry ran from room to room, exploring, while Sirius and Remus took their time, remembering summer days spent lounging about this very house. Sirius was touched to find that the camp bed that James’ parents had set up for him to sleep in during the last summer he and James had spent here was still made up, the sheets as crisp as if they had been placed there the day before.</p><p>After about half an hour, Mary called them all out into the garden. “Sirius, did James’ parents do a lot of gardening?” She asked him, kneeling in the dirt.</p><p>“Euphemia did, she was always in the garden in the summer.” Sirius nodded. “She grew a lot of the stuff for their potions in the flower-beds. Why?”</p><p>“The soil could still produce some good stuff if it was tended to properly.”</p><p>“How do you know that?” Harry asked, peering into the flower-beds curiously.</p><p>“See the way the dirt falls through your fingers if you pick up a handful?” Mary explained, demonstrating. “It means it's full of nutrients. It’s not too hard, you see.”</p><p>“Mary was top of Herbology in our year.” Remus smirked at Harry.</p><p>“Only because you two dropped it in fourth year and Alice was older than us.”</p><p>“Don’t downplay yourself. Remember all the remedies you made from the stuff you grew when we were in the Order?”</p><p>Mary shrugged. “I just dabble in it now, the plants back home aren’t much good to anybody.”</p><p>“They’re good for you, you love tending to them.” Harry pointed out, only just realising this himself. Mary never looked calmer or more at peace than when she was examining the leaves of her plants or feeding them droplets of water. “And they’re good for Neville, he finds that stuff really interesting.”</p><p>“That’s true. It is nice to have somebody to talk to about it. I know most people find it really boring.”</p><p>“It’s not that we find it boring it’s just that we’re not overly Herbology-brained-…” Sirius began.</p><p>“Definitely not a word.” Remus laughed under his breath.</p><p>“…-So we find it hard to really keep up with what you’re saying. But Neville has a flair for it, just like Alice did. Frank was a dab hand at Herbology too if I remember correctly.”</p><p>“Actually, it’s quite nice that you can spend time with him with the plants.” Remus said to Mary. “Y’know, since they can’t.”</p><p>“God, you’re right. I never thought about it that way before. I’ll have to make more of an effort with him, get him more involved in the planting and stuff.”</p><p>Harry resisted the urge to ask if he could help too, knowing that this was to be something that belonged to Neville alone. He repressed the jealousy that bubbled up inside of him, biting at his tongue. For so long Mary had belonged to him and him alone and she was always there for him to spend time with. Now, he had to learn to share her with the rest of the world.</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Harry, will you help me carry these out to the greenhouse?” The boy skirted into the kitchen and took two of the large plant-pots that Mary held out to him before following her out of the door that led into their garden, making a bee-line for the greenhouse. Since returning from his grandparent’s house the week before, Mary had spent every available minute of her time in the greenhouse, dedicating herself to each plant in turn. “Pop them down in the corner for me, will you Sweetheart?”</p><p>“Sure.” He looked around with wide eyes. “This is amazing!”</p><p>“Aw, thank you Fawn! I do love it in here, it makes me feel very serene.”</p><p>“Me too. What are they all?”</p><p>Mary laughed heartily. “Well that would take some time to explain!”</p><p>“I have time.”</p><p>“Okay then, if you’re sure. The minute I start to bore you just scuttle right back out that door. I won’t be offended!”</p><p>Harry sat himself down on an upturned flowerpot and listened to Mary reeling off what each of her plants was called and what it could be used for. When she came to a large brown pot she said, “This is Monkswood and that’s Wolfsbane over there in the orange pot.”</p><p>Harry furrowed his brow. “They look the same, what’s the difference.”</p><p>“That’s the best part! There is no discernible difference.”</p><p>“Then why grow both?”</p><p>“They’re used for different things even though they’re essentially all of the same components. It’s one of those weird things. Some herbologists get really fussy about it. And potion-makers comes to think of it, Lily was very insistent that it was important that they be grown separately.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because of Remus.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Remus’ potion is made of Wolfsbane. It was discovered not long after he got to Hogwarts and when he and your mother became friends, she made sure that she mastered it in case he was ever in short supply of the ready-made stuff.”</p><p>“That’s good to know.” Harry said, thinking that if they were ever in a situation where the potion wasn’t available, then he would at least know how to figure out which plant was needed to try and make it.</p><p>“Come on, Sweetheart.” Mary said. “Dinner will be ready soon.” They left the greenhouse together and headed into the house, where Sirius was lighting the evening candles with his wand. “Don’t you think life would be easier if you just had to flick a switch?” Mary asked him yet again. She had been angling for the household to have electricity installed almost as long as she had lived there, but Sirius was still very against it.</p><p>“Mary, we’ve been over this.” He sighed. “We don’t need to get it, we do just fine with the fireplaces and the candles.”</p><p>“It’s all a fire risk, Sirius.” Mary insisted.</p><p>“Says the girl that can’t eat her dinner or take a bath unless the room looks like we’re holding a bloody seance.”</p><p>“No one else is going to take me on a date, I have to make it feel like I’m on one by myself.” Mary giggled, winking at Harry. “Nothing wrong with making something feel special. When they’re all over the house it’s not special as well as being dangerous.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Besides, you know the extinguishing spell as well as anyone.”</p><p>“And what happens if Harry’s home alone and there’s a fire?”</p><p>That stopped Sirius in his tracks. He hesitated and then said, “Fine, I’ll think about it.”</p><p>Within a few days, Mary finally convinced Sirius to put in electricity, although he refused to have it in his bedroom or in his office. Remus, who found the whole debate very entertaining didn’t really care either way but agreed that for Harry’s sake it might be best to side with Mary. Harry loved the idea immediately, which was the ultimate decider for what they ought to do. Having grown up in the Wizarding World, there was very little magic that shocked or amazed him, but electricity had always fascinated him. His aunt and uncle’s house had electricity obviously, but he was never allowed to flick the switches on and off and had only stayed overnight once and was too frightened to try and use them by himself after dark. He thought about angling for a telephone to be installed in the house too, so that he might be able to call home whenever he did stay with the Dursleys, but when he spoke to Mary about it she said that she thought that might be pushing Sirius a bit far for the time being.</p><p>The following week, Mary arranged for an electrician to come to the house to complete a quote and he arrived on the doorstep with a heavy toolbox and an awed expression. “Big house you’ve got here.” He said to Mary and Sirius, who led him through into the living room. “Family residence? You’re not a Lord or something are you?”</p><p>“No, I’m not.” Sirius replied curtly.</p><p>“Yeah we get a lot of these houses being done up with all the mod-cons. How long did you say you’d been living here?”</p><p>“Almost ten years now.”</p><p>“Oh right… Environmentalists are ya?”</p><p>Sirius frowned. “No.”</p><p>“Fond of the dark?”</p><p>“Perhaps.”</p><p>“Pfft, if I didn’t know better I’d call you a vampire.”</p><p>Sirius straightened up, his face thundered. “How dare you-…”</p><p>“How long will it take to do the whole house?” Mary interrupted.</p><p>The man shrugged, eyeing Sirius warily. “Couple days should do it. I can get started now if you’ve got cash on hand.”</p><p>“I’ll get my purse.” Mary said cooly, knowing that Sirius didn’t keep a supply of Muggle money on hand.</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Sirius, I want to cut my hair.”</p><p>“Do you now?” Sirius narrowed his eyes at Harry’s announcement.</p><p>“Yes. I do.”</p><p>“Why do you want to cut your hair all of a sudden?” Remus asked, a little concerned. “You never minded much before. In fact, you always protested whenever it was suggested that a trim might do you some good.”</p><p>“Fred and George said that if I have it this long at school it’ll make everyone look at me.”</p><p>“Harry, I’m afraid they’re going to look at you no matter what hairstyle you have.” Sirius sighed regretfully.</p><p>“Well either way I want it cut, I look like a girl.”</p><p>“If you want to cut your hair you can cut your hair, but I won’t stand for you linking the entire female species to your ugly mug, it’s rude!”</p><p>“I’m offended.” Mary chimed in, but she winked at Harry to assure him that she was kidding.</p><p>“Mary, will you do it for me?”</p><p>She shook her head immediately. “No way, that’s way too much pressure.”</p><p>“Please? Remus said my mum used to cut my dad’s hair all the time when you lived at Headquarters.”</p><p>“Well then find yourself a wife to cut your hair, Master Potter. I’m not doing it, I’ll mess it up and then you’ll hate me for making you look strange.”</p><p>“Even stranger than you already do, as difficult as that may be!” Sirius teased.</p><p>“Please, Mary?” Harry whined. “I don’t trust anyone else with it.”</p><p>“That’s so not fair!” Mary exclaimed but softened as she looked into Harry’s eyes. “Oh alright, but get me some scissors now before I change my mind.”</p><p>Excited, Harry took off at a sprint and Sirius yelled after him, “No running with scissors!” A few minutes later, Harry returned doing a dignified walk and handed a pair of silver scissors to Mary. She took a deep breath and sat Harry between her legs on the floor and began to cut.</p><p>Twenty minutes later, she pulled back, deeming him finished. “What do you think?” Mary asked nervously as Harry wandered over to the living room mirror.</p><p>Before Harry could say anything, Sirius’ voice answered from behind them. “James Potter, as I live and breathe.”</p><p>“Really?” Harry replied excitedly. “Do I really look like him?”</p><p>“You always have, but yes, the shorter hair does enhance it a bit. Poor McGonnagal will have a heart attack when she sees you. She’ll think it’s really him and that he’s back to cause trouble all over again at that school.”</p><p>“She’ll be looking over her shoulder, terrified that the rest of you are going to turn up.” Mary laughed.</p><p>“Total nightmare.” Agreed Remus with a grin.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next day, Harry was staring hard at his reflection, his hand lifting the tuft of hair that fell over his scar. Mary waltzed up behind him and wrapped her arm around his shoulders, tucking her chin into the crook of his neck. “Captivated by your beauty once again, Fawn?”</p><p>“Hardly.” He scoffed.</p><p>“What are you looking at?”</p><p>“Scar.”</p><p>“What about it?”</p><p>“Makes me look weird.”</p><p>“No it doesn’t. It makes you look as though you have been kissed by Zeus, destined to be a god of your own accord. It shows your strength.”</p><p>“Yeah I’m sure that’s what everyone at Hogwarts will say when they see me too.”</p><p>“Who cares what they have to say about it? As long as you know what it means, that’s all that matters. Besides, you know better than anyone that scars do not truly reveal the truth of somebody’s soul. Look at Remus.”</p><p>That made Harry feel a little better and he turned to her with a grin. “So… Zeus, huh?”</p><p>“King of the Gods, Fawn. King of the Gods.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. chapter twenty-five.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“How much have you told him, Sirius?” McGonnagal asked. He was sitting in her office, his face tense and worried. The school term was fast approaching, the very first that Harry would spend at Hogwarts, and he was suddenly extremely worried for his godson.</p><p>Sirius deliberated for a moment and before saying, “I’ve told him what I think he needs to know.”</p><p>“Does he know that his parents were murdered by Lord Voldemort?” Sirius nodded reluctantly, recalling the conversation he and Harry had had about it only a year before. “And he knows that he survived the same killing curse?”</p><p>“Yes. And he knows that everyone thinks he’s the Chosen One. He doesn’t know that it’s true.”</p><p>“Well that seems like enough information going into First Year, I doubt any of the other students will know much else about him let alone tell him anything else.”</p><p>“I don’t mind telling you I’m dreading him going away, Professor.”</p><p>“I know you’ll miss him, Sirius, but Hogwarts will be the making of Harry. Remember all it did for you?”</p><p>“And still does… You’re right, he’s going to be brilliant. It just makes him growing up feel all the more real.”</p><p>“At Hogwarts he’ll learn the skills he will need if-... Well, if he ever needs them.”</p><p>“I know, I know. It’s just hard to imagine that he’s old enough to be going. In a couple of years, he’ll be a grown up and-...”</p><p>“Don’t think about what might be in his future yet. Just focus on the now and preparing him for his first year. That’s quite enough to be going on with, don’t you think?”</p><p>Sirius agreed and after a few more minutes of chatting, he stepped into McGonagall’s fire and sent himself whirling home. He walked through the house and found Remus in the kitchen, with Mary and Harry in the back garden, enjoying the the summer sunshine.</p><p>As Sirius walked outside, Harry turned his broom upside down and was working on finding a way to hang off it by his legs. “Oi! Work on becoming a great Quidditch Seeker, not Attention Seeker.” He called out to him with a grin.</p><p>“Harry, your birthday card from your Aunt Petunia arrived.” Remus called out, wandering out from the kitchen into the afternoon sun.</p><p>Harry’s groan was audible even from his great height, but he floated slowly down back to the ground and held out his hand from the card. “Oh no…” He whined.</p><p>“What’s the matter?” Asked Mary.</p><p>“Oh, um, nothing...”</p><p>“Harry?” Sirius pressed.</p><p>“She wants me to go to the seaside with them for a week.” Harry told them sulkily..</p><p>“Well that sounds nice, you like the beach.” Remus reminded him.</p><p>Harry paused. “You’re not going to make me go, are you?”</p><p>Mary laughed in surprise. “Why on earth don’t you want to go?”</p><p>“Look, I do like the beach but I like the beach when we go with the Weasleys and Neville. I do not like my cousin Dudley or hearing about all of the ways my dad ruined my mum’s life from my Aunt Petunia after she’s had a glass of sherry. As for Uncle Vernon-…”</p><p>“Well I’m afraid you’re going whether you like it or not.” Sirius told him.</p><p>“Why?” Harry demanded, his usually cheerful face during sour.</p><p>“Because otherwise your delightful aunt will decide that it’s us that’s keeping you from her and she’ll kick up the world’s greatest fuss and try to get us done for neglect or something. It’s only a week, pretend you’ve got a stomach bug three days in and she’ll send you home so you don’t give it to your cousin.”</p><p>“I don’t get it, why does she want to spend time with me now? A day trip, once a year, as a ‘treat’ for my birthday that’s always been the deal. Why do I have to go for a whole week?”</p><p>“She must know you’re starting school soon.” Remus muttered.</p><p>“So?”</p><p>“Well, try to see it from her side, Harry. When your mother went to Hogwarts and Petunia got left at home, they entered two different worlds and grew into two completely different people, but when they were children they were pretty close from all accounts. The summer before she went to Hogwarts, the year she turned eleven, was the last time Lily and Petunia really spent any time together and had some bonding time. Maybe she wants one last chance to get to know you.”</p><p>“She’s had eleven years to get to know me.”</p><p>“And hasn't she tried?” Remus insisted. “She didn’t have to make an effort to see you, organising all those trips she thought you might like.”</p><p>“That Dudley would like.”</p><p>“Still, they didn’t have to invite you. And a card every year on your birthday and Christmas. It might not seem like much to you Harry because of all of the love you’ve had heaped onto you for your whole life, but I think she’s made as much of an effort as she knows how to.”</p><p>“Then she should see me on her own instead of inflicting her husband and child onto me.”</p><p>“They’re your family, sweetheart.” Mary chimed in softly.</p><p>“No they’re not, this is my family.”</p><p>Sirius sighed, knowing that he had to put his foot down. “Harry, I’m sorry, but you’re not getting out of this. Look, I promise, three days maximum. Just please do this for your aunt as well as for us. Everything will be a hell of a lot easier if you do.”</p><p>“And just think, the sooner you go, the sooner it’s over and the sooner you can be preparing to go to Hogwarts!” Mary nudged him.</p><p>“Exactly, I start school in a month, surely I should be enjoying my summer instead of being tortured for a whole week.”</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes. “No one gets tortured at the seaside, don’t be a brat.”</p><p>“It’ll be fine.” Remus added more gently.</p><p>“And you have to go, so you might as well go into it with a positive attitude.” Mary giggled, grabbing hold of the broomstick and shaking it jokily as though she were trying to through Harry off. It had the desired effect and the boy grinned and giggled as he clutched to it more tightly and took off into the sky at a great speed.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Three days later, Sirius woke Harry early and half-dragged him into the kitchen for his special birthday breakfast.</p><p>“Happy Birthday Sweetheart!” Mary exclaimed, hugging Harry tight around the shoulders and pressing a fond kiss to his temple. “Many happy returns!”</p><p>“Thank you.” Harry mumbled, but he was unenthusiastic.</p><p>Sirius nudged him. “Come on mate, it’s not every day a young man turns eleven.”</p><p>“It’s not every day that you force me to go to the beach with my cousin Dudley.”</p><p>“Harry, we’ve been over this…” Remus said warningly.</p><p>“But it’s my birthday, surely I should get to decide what I-… That’s for me! It must be!”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“The owl!”</p><p>“I wonder what an earth it could be bringing on a day like this…” Smirked Remus as Harry ran to the window to let the bird inside. The three adults settled around the kitchen table, Mary’s legs folded up underneath her and waited for Harry to join them. Onto the table he threw a package of rock cakes and a large card in a blue envelope from Hagrid, a squishy package (presumably something knitted) from the Weasleys and a creamy envelope with emerald green scrawl on the front.</p><p>“It is! It is!” Harry cried excitedly. “It’s my Hogwarts letter! It’s finally here!”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The following week, Harry was sitting miserably apart from his relatives, close enough to still be seen by them, not that any of them were looking, but far enough away that he didn’t have to engage with them. He was four days into his seaside holiday from hell, and was more desperate to go home than ever. He didn’t enjoy spending time with the Dursleys at the best of times, but this particular summer was the last one he would spend with Sirius, Remus and Mary before commencing his time at Hogwarts in September. Although he knew he had many more summers to come, and more than enough time to spend with them, Harry couldn’t help but feel the prolonged separation creeping up on him. It felt like the end of something rather than the beginning of his years at school, and he wanted to make the most of his time with the ones he loved. He sighed loudly and reached down to draw on the sand with his index finger, etching out his name and then a series of squiggly designs. A long dark shadow fell over his masterpiece and a familiar voice washed over him. “If you’re that bored, why don’t you go for a swim?”</p><p>“Sirius!” Harry leapt to his feet and into his godfather’s arms as Sirius chuckled and ruffled Harry’s hair. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Well the Weasleys invited us to join along with their annual trip to Shell Cottage and it just so happens you’ve been a five minute walk from it the whole time you’ve been here!” Sirius revealed, flopping down onto the sand in the spot Harry had just vacated.</p><p>“You mean I could have ditched them this whole time and you didn’t tell me?”</p><p>Sirius chuckled. “We didn’t tell you for precisely that reason. I was serious when I said you had to spend at least some of the time with your aunt and uncle, but if you think your acting skills are up to it, you can come with me and spend the rest of the week with us all at Shell Cottage.”</p><p>“Hang on, won’t they see you? Sirius, you’d better go and hide before they think it was all your idea.”</p><p>“Well it was all my idea! Don’t worry though, there’s a protective enchantment on the other side of you, they can’t see us right now. If they glance over, they’ll assume you’ve gone for a wander by yourself.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll go and cough on Dudley.” Harry grinned.</p><p>“Excellent idea. When you’re ready, tell Petunia to call this number,” Sirius handed Harry a scrap of parchment. “Arthur gave a Muggle phone to his sister for Christmas, and although she never uses it, it’s going to help us get you out of there. Don’t worry, we’ve got Mary waiting to answer it so there’s no breakdown in wizard-to-muggle communication! And hurry up, there’s a whole beach-full of red-headed kids waiting for you to arrive.”</p><p>Harry followed Sirius’ instructions perfectly and in forty-five minutes, he was being passed to Sirius and Mary over the doorstep to the Dursley’s holiday home, Petunia pinching his shoulders with rubber gloves as she attempted not to contract whatever horrible magical illness he seemed to have contracted all of a sudden. Just a few minutes after that, the three of them were walking into Shell Cottage and Harry was immediately swarmed by the Weasleys, eager to hear his war stories from his week with the Dursleys. He tried to appease them, but found himself slightly distracted. Harry couldn’t stop looking at Remus. His week in the sun had done him good in some ways, he was very relaxed and, as usual, overjoyed to see Harry. But it was a sharp contrast to the Remus Harry had got used to seeing everyday. He had gained a tan, which was something Harry had never seen before, but his scars remained starkly white against the browning skin. He saw the way Remus avoided his reflection in the kettle when he went to pour himself a fresh cup of tea, more so than he usually did, because to see the difference was just a reminder that half of him was dead, unchanging, and surely so should the other half be.</p><p>Later that afternoon, most of the guests at Shell Cottage had set up camp in the back garden, soaking the sun.</p><p>“Sirius!” Fred and George chorused as Sirius wandered out of the house.</p><p>“Hi boys...” He replied, slightly suspicious.</p><p>“Will you teach us to duel?”</p><p>“I beg your pardon?”</p><p>“Oh go on, please.” Fred whined. “We know about the Order, we know you know how to fight.”</p><p>“Why do you need to learn to duel? Last time I checked you were only thirteen.”</p><p>“Not important." George rushed. "What’s important is Mum banned Bill and Charlie from teaching us but she didn’t say anything about you.”</p><p>“I don’t think-…”</p><p>“Oh come on, bend the rules a little." Fred challenged him. "Just teach us a couple of things, or show us at least.”</p><p>“Well I suppose…”</p><p>“YES!” The twins pumped their fists in unison.</p><p>“But only if Macdonald agrees to be my opponent.”</p><p>“Mary? Why Mary? Surely Remus-…”</p><p>“Believe me boys, you’ll want to see her fight.” Sirius chuckled knowingly and the twins ran inside of the house to search for her.</p><p>A few minutes later, Sirius and the others heard their voices growing louder again. They looked up and saw that Mary was coming out of the house, trotting down the sandy wooden steps with a salt-damaged novel in her grip, being followed by the Weasley twins who appeared to be pestering her about something. “A duel? No way, sorry boys.”</p><p>“Come on Mary.” George pressed.</p><p>“I don’t duel anymore, haven’t done for a long time. Your parents have obviously banned it for a reason. And I think it’s probably a very good reason.”</p><p>“Please... Sirius will only show us if you help.”</p><p>Mary glared at Sirius before turning back to the twins patiently. “Listen boys, I learnt to fight out of necessity, in a bid to survive.” Remus took a few slow steps towards them, recognising the pain and the fear in Mary’s voice. “I never wanted to do it, but I had to. It was a long time ago and there’s no threat now. You don’t want to have to learn something like that.”</p><p>“But there might be a threat again one day, and we want to know how to defend ourselves.” Fred told her, his voice matching hers in solemnity. “Surely it’s better that we know the basics now before anything bad actually happens rather than trying to work it out as it’s happening.”</p><p>“Mary’s right, there’s no threat.” Remus chimed in. “You’re safe enough. But on the other hand… I don’t think it hurts to know a few defensive things at the very least.”</p><p>“They’ll teach them that at Hogwarts.”</p><p>“Come on Macdonald… For old times sake?”</p><p>“Oh fine!” She huffed, handing her book and coffee cup to Ginny to hold for her, before hitching up her long skirt in a knot at the top of her thigh, holding her wand loosely in her hands. “But I don’t know how to explain anything.”</p><p>“Allow me?” Remus asked, rising to stand in front of the small crowd of children that had gathered on the stone steps to watch the duel. The innocence on all of their faces, from Bill and Charlie, children no more but young men, to little Ginny with her red hair in pigtails to the three boys who had been inseparable for a decade, Harry, Ron and Neville, made it difficult to even contemplate telling them about the horrors of war. But they had to know. When all of them were peering at him, their faces so eager and anticipating, he saw himself and his friends as they had been all of those years ago. He cleared his throat. “I know the fighting styles, both defensive and offensive, of Mary and Sirius as well I know my own. Because they were my comrades in arms, my partners. We always knew what the other would do next, but the enemy could never predict it. That is the first rule of duelling, have a good second… And if you can manage it, maybe a good third and fourth as well!” A few of the kids chuckled and Mary smiled softly, which gave Remus the confidence to continue speaking. “Now the way this is going to work is Mary is going to be defending Sirius’ spells because he is effectively attacking her. The only difference between him and a dark wizard is that he will not be using dark magic. So remember, if you are ever put in a position where you have to fight, it won’t be like this. Sirius doesn’t actually want to hurt Mary and vice versa. If you are ever locked in a duel with a dark wizard, they will want to hurt you very badly.”</p><p>“Shall we begin?” Sirius suggested.</p><p>Mary nodded. “Absolutely.”</p><p>“Since we are gentlemen-…”</p><p>“…-and women!” Ginny cried out in Mary’s defence.</p><p>“We will begin the duel with a gracious bow to one another.”</p><p>“Watch what Mary does here everyone.” Remus said. “She will never be the first to strike. If you start a fight you must always finish it, and so you wait for someone to attack you before you do anything.”</p><p>Sirius obliged, flashing a spell at Mary, who simply stepped aside out of its way. Sirius tried again and, though her feet weren’t quick enough to carry her away this time, Mary’s arm fell up and her wand bounced the spell back in Sirius’ direction. It was an intricate dance, and was strangely intimate as they stared deep into one another’s eyes and watched one another’s movements, trying to judge what their respective partner would do next. Mary appeared to fly through the air; she was so quick and nimble, but ferocious too, while Sirius concentrated on murmuring every spell he could think of. Finally, Mary seemed to have tired of their fight. Her wand twisted and Sirius’ body bent slightly and he froze in the position, clearly uncomfortable. If he was in pain, however, he did not show it. Instead, he growled at her through gritted teeth, “Watch the back, Macdonald. I’m not as young as I used to be.”</p><p>Mary smiled sweetly and turned her wand precisely, just a little further, testing how much more he could take. “Don’t worry Sirius,” She purred. “I’ll put you back together again when I’m finished with you.”</p><p>Sirius chuckled darkly in reply. “You’re enjoying this a little too much.”</p><p>“Well, you’re the one that proposed a duel. What’s a girl to do?” She blinked her big eyes at him, pouting a little.</p><p>“Not breaking me in two would be a good start.”</p><p>“Oh but Sweetheart, you just make it too easy.” She giggled in reply, but slowly released him from the frozen state he was in, only to hit him with a different spell, before agilely dodging one he fired back at her.</p><p>A few more minutes passed before Sirius managed to catch Mary unawares and fired her wand out of her hand and into his own, effectively winning their duel. With Remus announcing the end of the match, Sirius and Mary grinned, with the former dropping to one knee and presenting Mary’s wand to her as though it were an engagement ring. She took her hand and, with a giggle, shoved his shoulder, toppling him over onto the soft grass.</p><p>The Weasley twins were satisfied, but continued to plague the adults with questions and hounding them for tips and tricks.</p><p>That evening, Harry found Mary sitting on the balcony alone under a blanket, finally having found a moment to read her book. “Mary?”</p><p>“Hmm?” She replied without looking up.</p><p>“Was Sirius ever your boyfriend?”</p><p>She nearly dropped her book in surprise and she openly laughed at the question.“What on earth gave you that idea?”</p><p>“You guys flirt.” Harry blushed slightly at the word. “I never noticed before but today with the duel…”</p><p>Mary waved her hand in the air. “Oh yes we flirt all the time, but that doesn’t mean we like each other. I love Sirius, but not like that, never  like that. He’s my best friend.”</p><p>“Oh, alright…”</p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him. “What’s bothering you, Fawn?”</p><p>He hesitated and then mumbled. “I know that Remus used to be your boyfriend.”</p><p>“Do you now?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Did he tell you that?”</p><p>“No. I suspected it and then I overheard Mrs Weasley asking him about you a few months ago. It’s true, isn’t it?”</p><p>Mary sighed. “Yes it’s true. Why did you wait so long to bring it up?”</p><p>Harry shrugged. “I didn’t know if I was supposed to know.”</p><p>“How do you feel now that you know?”</p><p>“Confused.” He admitted. </p><p>“And now you know why we didn’t tell you about it.” She smiled sadly. “Sorry Fawn, we didn’t mean to keep things from you but we just thought it would be easier if-...”</p><p>“You split up because of what he is… didn’t you?”</p><p>She nodded. “Yes.”</p><p>“Do you think you would still have split up even if he wasn’t one?”</p><p>“Oh Fawn, I don’t know.” Mary sighed. “I haven’t had very good experiences with ‘what-ifs’ in my life. Who knows what might have happened? A lot of things might have been different.”</p><p>“But if that was the only reason, it’s a stupid reason.”</p><p>She smiled sadly. “You’re telling me, babe.”</p><p>“Were you in love with him?”</p><p>Mary hesitated. “I love Remus like I love Sirius-…”</p><p>“That’s not what I asked. I know you love him, but are you in love with him?”</p><p>She laughed heartily. “That’s a very deep question for an eleven year old.”</p><p>“What’s the answer?”</p><p>“It’s also a very personal question, Harry.” She told him. “You have a right to know a certain amount about me because we are a family, but there gets to a point where my business is my business and nobody else’s, not even yours. Now, I’m not cross with you, not even a little bit, but I don’t want to discuss this anymore, alright?”</p><p>“But if-…”</p><p>“If you keep pushing it I can’t promise that I won’t get cross with you. Okay?”</p><p>“Okay. Can I ask Remus about it?”</p><p>“If you like." She nodded. "What he wants you to know is his business, he can tell you what he wants to. He should know that you know regardless. No point trying to keep secrets within a household, no matter how big the building.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>In the early hours of the next morning, Remus went in search of Mary to borrow the book he knew that she had now finished. He meant to simply slip it off her bedside table, but her bed was deserted. He found Mary leaning on the small veranda leading off of her bedroom. He drank her in. Her fingertips were stained purple with the juice of the cherries they’d all shared for dessert and he followed them as they lifted a glowing cigarette to her lips. The expression on her face was dreamy and distant. It was also, Remus thought, a little sad. “Mary?” He spoke softly, but Mary practically jumped out of her skin. Remus’ face cracked into a grin. “I can’t believe you still pretend not to smoke. Mary MacDonald you are quite the rebel.”</p><p>She scowled, stubbing the cigarette out on the bricks. “You’re like a bloodhound.”</p><p>“No, that would be Sirius.”</p><p>“True…” She smirked. Don’t tell him about this. I’m not in the mood for a lecture.”</p><p>“Please, you act like he’s never smoked a cigarette before.”</p><p>“That was before he became a responsible adult with a kid to not screw up, and he doesn’t want any bad influences hanging around said kid.”</p><p>“You could never be a bad influence, you’re not cool enough.”</p><p>“Thanks… I think.” She frowned and stabbed the cigarette out on the bannister of the veranda. “What can I do for you?”</p><p>“I came for the book… but while I’ve got you, did you tell Harry that we used to date?”</p><p>“He coaxed it out of me! That kid should be an interrogator. I’m sorry, Remus. Are you upset?”</p><p>“Not at all, actually I’m quite glad he knows. I don’t like having secrets from him… And you told him that you loved me?”</p><p>“I’d never lie to him.” She whispered.</p><p>“I love you too, Mary. However you need me to, I’ll do it.”</p><p>Mary lit another cigarette. Dawn began to rise slowly, the red haze appearing on the edge of the sea, as though someone lost in the clouds was scattering rose petals on the horizon, creating a pathway between earth and the heavens.</p>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. chapter twenty-six.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The last of the summer weeks flew by and before they knew it, Sirius, Remus, Mary and Harry were in Diagon Alley shopping for Harry’s school supplies. So far, it wasn’t going well. “Sirius, it’s a trunk for carting stuff to and from his dormitory, not a fashion statement.” Remus moaned, pushing himself up from where he had been leaning against a stack of leather-bound travel journals. “Just get the basic one that all the other kids will have.”</p><p>“But what if they don’t have that one, what if all the other kids have one of these fancy ones?”</p><p>“Either way it makes no difference.” Remus snapped. “The only people that are going to see it are the boys in this dormitory and he’ll be of enough interest as it is.”</p><p>Sirius shot him a withering look and turned back to the shop assistant and the collection of trunks standing before him. “And you’re sure they all come monogrammed?”</p><p>“Yes sir, it’s the Hogwarts policy.” Squeaked the assistant.</p><p>“Well that’s something that least.” Sirius said at the same time that Remus put his hand to his face and squeezed the bridge of his nose, muttering “Oh for god’s sake!” Sirius ignored him and called out in the direction of the back of the shop. “Harry, come see which one you like best.”</p><p>The boy appeared from behind a stack of travel cases and narrowly avoided knocking them over with the end of his broomstick, which he was carrying slackly in his left hand. As he walked past, Remus confiscated the broomstick and leant on it, hoping to avoid any more near misses. As he did this, he glanced around and realised that they had misplaced Mary. When he told Sirius and Harry this, they too looked around in confusion, but Sirius just shrugged. “I’m sure she’ll find us again. Come on Harry, pick one.”</p><p>“Sirius I don’t care about my trunk, I want to buy all the stuff to fill it!”</p><p>Remus resisted telling Sirius ‘I told you so’ and contented himself to a sigh of relief as Sirius picked out the regular trunk and paid the assistant, who engraved H.J.P onto the side of the trunk in gold lettering with his wand.</p><p>“We’ll pick it up when we’re finished with the rest. Next stop, robes!”</p><p>The three of them shuffled onwards and entered Madam Malkins’, who seized Harry immediately and thrust him into a changing room with a selection of robe sizes.</p><p>“Have you got everything on his list yet?” Asked Mary, appearing beside Remus with her arms weighed down with shopping bags, a little breathless and flushed from the exertion.</p><p>“No not yet, and where the hell have you been anyway?” Trying to hide the way he had made her jump by popping up out of nowhere. “We’re supposed to be getting stuff for Harry?”</p><p>“Why does Harry getting stuff mean that I can’t get stuff at the same time? It’s not like we’re sharing a bank account.”</p><p>“Because you’re supposed to be helping us keep him interested in buying all the boring crap he needs for school.”</p><p>“I heard that!” Harry’s muffled voice yelled through the curtain in front of the changing room cubicle.</p><p>“I only meant to pop into one shop while you were looking at quills, but I got kind of distracted... Anyway, I thought you were meeting up with the Weasleys to get it all done together.”</p><p>“They’re our next stop, they’re all squeezed inside Flourish and Blotts.”</p><p>Mary laughed. “It’ll be a miracle if there’s any books left after they’re done with the place.”</p><p>“I’m ready…” Harry called from inside his dressing room.</p><p>“Well then come out and give us a twirl, Supermodel!” Mary replied.</p><p>Harry appeared from behind the curtain, a deep frown carved into his face. The tan he’d acquired on holiday had faded to a disgruntled granite in the dim light of the shop.</p><p>“Ooh very smart!” Sirius exclaimed, only making Harry frown more determinedly.</p><p>“He means you look very handsome, Sweetheart.” Mary corrected gently, smiling at Harry from her place leaning against the wall beside Sirius.</p><p>“Are they going to change when I get there?” Harry asked as Mary coaxed him into the light so she could get a better look at how they fit him.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Remus asked.</p><p>“When I got sorted, will they change to the house colours.”</p><p>Mary nodded distractedly. “Yeah, they will.”</p><p>“They’d better not be green.” Harry muttered and slipped back behind the curtain.</p><p>“We might need to have a discussion about that.” Whispered Remus to Sirius.</p><p>“Why?” Replied Sirius, too loudly.. “It’s perfectly normal to not want to be sorted into Slytherin.”</p><p>“Except that if he does happen to be sorted into Slytherin he’ll be devastated.” Mary said, chewing on her bottom lip worriedly.</p><p>“He won’t be a Slytherin, he’ll be Gryffindor like his parents were.” Insisted Sirius.</p><p>“Like we were.” Added Remus, though he sounded considerably less excited about the prospect than Sirius. “He’s going into it with an unhealthy bias. Anything could happen Padfoot, who knows what the Sorting Hat will say.”</p><p>“Okay, we’ll talk it over with him a bit later. But let’s just enjoy this for now!”</p><p>“Why don’t you guys go and check on that surprise we talked about and I’ll finish up with him in here.” Mary suggested. “I think he’s a little self-conscious with so many of us here.”</p><p>“Good idea. I can’t wait to see his face when we give it to him!” Remus clapped his hands together and led Sirius out of the little shop and down the alleyway while Mary threw a different set of robes into the changing room and instructed Harry to try them on.</p><p>As she did so, a pale blonde witch came around the corner with a set of robes and passed them into the cubicle a few doors down from Harry’s. The witch, immaculately dressed in pristine robes, smiled and moved to wait patiently beside Mary, her hands folded over an emerald green handbag. “Shopping for Hogwarts too?” She asked politely.</p><p>“Yeah,” Mary replied, grinning. “He’s in there trying on what feels like the millionth pair of robes. Yours too?”</p><p>“Oh yes, my son is going into his first year.” The witch beamed proudly.</p><p>“So is Harry.”</p><p>“How nice! We must introduce them when they both get out.” The women continued chatting, formally introducing themselves and recalling their own years at Hogwarts and, despite the revelation that the blonde witch had been a Slytherin, Mary found that she quite liked her. Before long, Harry emerged from his cubicle at almost the exact moment that a blonde boy, a miniature male version of his beautiful mother, appeared from his. They were both dressed in the clothes they had entered the shop in and, while Harry had clumsily attempted to fold his new robes, the blonde boy left them on the floor of his cubicle and waited for his mother to fetch them. “Draco,” She purred. “This is Mary and this is Harry. He’s going into his first year too.”</p><p>Mary ignored the flicker of recognition the boy’s name conjured in her and smiled as the boys shyly began to talk and made loose plans to meet on the platform at King’s Cross on the first of September. Mary waited for Narcissa to bundle up Draco’s robes and they went to the counter to pay together. It felt nice to have someone other than Molly to discuss this kind of thing with. She’d seen five of her children onto the Hogwarts Express already and didn’t fret over it in the slightest. Draco was an only child and it was clear that Narcissa was going to feel his absence as much as Mary would feel Harry’s.</p><p>The golden bell above the shop door sounded and the two women turned to see who had entered. It was Sirius and Remus, the latter clutching a silver birdcage with a pure white owl inside. Harry gasped with glee, while his new friend exclaimed ‘is that for you?’ jealously, but Sirius and Remus didn’t react. Their eyes were locked on Mary’s new acquaintance. Confused, Mary called out, “Hi boys, come and meet-...”</p><p>“Narcissa.” Sirius seethed, as though her name was made of venom.</p><p>“Hello Sirius.” The blonde witch nodded curtly.</p><p>“I didn’t realise your son was Hogwarts age already.”</p><p>“Likewise. Though of course, Harry is not your son. We read all about that business in the papers.”</p><p>“Really? No insider knowledge to help build the story?”</p><p>“Sirius.” Remus hissed, eyeing up Harry and Draco cautiously.</p><p>Narcissa’s lips flickered upwards in a snide smile. “And how’s my dear sister?”</p><p>Sirius hesitated before opening his mouth to answer, at which point Draco interjected. “Mummy, do they know Auntie Bellatrix?”</p><p>“I should have known.” Sneered Sirius. “Your son doesn’t even know about her. Doesn’t even know that he has a cousin, a girl. Your niece. She’s brilliant and beautiful and clever and-…”</p><p>“And nothing to do with me. If you’ll excuse us, we still have a lot of shopping to do. Come Draco. It was nice speaking with you, Mary.” With one slick movement, Narcissa had taken the box of robes from the counter and Draco’s hand and pulled him towards the door.</p><p>“See you at Hogwarts, then.” Draco said quickly to Harry before following his mother out of the shop.</p><p>“Well, now you’ve all met my delightful cousin-…”</p><p>“Sirius, I’m so sorry if I had known.” Mary shook her head, shocked by the turn of events.</p><p>“That’s alright, how could you have? Besides, if you’d been in your normal clothes she wouldn’t have given you the time of day… Got the robes?”</p><p>“Sirius…” Harry mumbled.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Is that owl for me?”</p><p>“Oh right! I’d forgotten. Yeah, her name’s Hedwig but if you want to change it-...”</p><p>“No, I like Hedwig.”</p><p>“Wonderful. You can use her to send us letters while you’re at school, if you’re not too busy!”</p><p>~~~</p><p>After the drama at Madam Malkins, they met up with the Weasleys and, while Molly and Arthur went in search of the school supplies their kids required, Sirius, Remus and Mary took Harry and the younger Weasley children to Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour and bought them all sundaes. While the Weasleys all chatted animatedly, Sirius noticed that Harry seemed a little dejected. “What’s with the face?” Sirius prompted him.</p><p>“What if I get put in Slytherin?”</p><p>“There’s nothing wrong with being in Slytherin.” Sirius said quickly and Mary hid her smile behind her spoon.</p><p>“Many of the world’s greatest wizards were in Slytherin.” Remus added, kicking Mary under the table.</p><p>“But you hate Slytherins, Sirius.”</p><p>“No, I hate a select few Slytherins, my family and Sev-…”</p><p>“Sirius.” Mary hissed warningly.</p><p>“My family are Slytherins,” Sirius corrected himself carefully. “And they happen to be awful people, Narcissa is a great example of that, but many Slytherins are just as good and as kind and as brave as Gryffindors. Don’t worry about it, mate. You’re a wonderful person and no house would change that.”</p><p>“But I am worried.” Harry insisted. “Ron will definitely be in Gryffindor with his brothers. If I’m in Slytherin we won’t be friends anymore.” Ron looked over, his eyes wide and concerned.</p><p>“What a ridiculous thing to say!” Remus exclaimed. “Harry, the different houses aren’t segregated, you’re allowed to be friends with people in other houses. If anything, it’s encouraged. You’ll still see Ron. The two of you have been best friends for a decade, I doubt being in different houses would tear you apart.”</p><p>“Besides, there’s no point worrying about all of this until we know for sure you’re not going to be in Gryffindor. For all we know right now, they’re already making up your bed in the Gryffindor Boys Dormitory.”</p><p>Harry smiled weakly but they could tell his mind was still whirring away as he considered all of the things he imagined might go wrong alongside his commencement at Hogwarts. “Come on, finish your ice cream.” Sirius said, pushing Harry’s bowl back towards him.</p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. chapter twenty-seven.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Remus?” Harry murmured, catching him alone at the kitchen table, reading the paper.</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Are they going to expect more from me?”</p><p>“More than what?”</p><p>“Well, more than they expect from everyone else. Because I’m my parents’ son. I mean, I look so much like dad and he’s already pretty well-known, especially at Hogwarts. And so was my mum.”</p><p>“Are you worried you won’t be able to live up to their memory?”</p><p>“Kind of.” Harry shrugged. “I know I’ll never be as great as they were, I’m not pretending to be. I just don’t want the teachers to be disappointed when I prove their expectations wrong, or for Sirius to be upset when he sees my report card-…”</p><p>“You could never disappoint us Harry. You know that, don’t you?”</p><p>“I guess so. It’s just-… Remus, I’m not as smart as my mother, and I’m not as brave as my father and even if I was-… Dad was smart and Mum was brave too.” He added in a rushed, breathless way. “I’m just ordinary and I think that everyone expects me to be the product of them and to be twice as smart and twice as brave. I think that Sirius expects me to form some sort of Marauders 2.0. I’m not up to it.”</p><p>“You don’t have to be. Harry you might look like your dad, and you might have your mother’s eyes, but that doesn’t mean you have to act like them. As soon as you get there and you start living as yourself, everyone will forget about whatever they thought you might live up to. All of a sudden, you’ll be setting your own standards. But anyway, I think you’ll surprise yourself. We’ve always said you had all of the best qualities from the both of them. If you took all of your father’s courage, you’d have to take his arrogance too. And if you took all of your mother’s intelligence, you’d also be burdened with her self-doubt. Just be you, Harry. Everything will fall into place by itself, don’t try to force anything.”</p><p>“But it’s not just my parents’ reputation I have to worry about.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You and Sirius are just as famous and just as intelligent and brave and kind. They’re going to expect me to have those traits as well as parents’ aren’t they?”</p><p>“You flatter us, but even if they do expect that, the good news is you have all of those traits in buckets. You are an incredible young wizard, Harry Potter, and a good young man. You are going to be just fine at school.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>On the morning of the first of September, Sirius woke to someone poking his big toe. He cracked open one eye and saw Harry standing at the base of his bed, dressed in Hogwarts robes and puffing out his chest to show them off. “They look great, kid!”</p><p>“Really?” Harry asked, his chest swelling with pride.</p><p>“Really. But we have to get through most of Muggle London first so I think it’s best you put your jeans on for now and get dressed on the train.”</p><p>“Oh, alright... When are we leaving?”</p><p>“Ten. That’ll give us plenty of time to get there.” He rolled over.</p><p>“Ten?”</p><p>“Yep.” Sirius stuffed his head back under his pillow.</p><p>“Um…”</p><p>Sirius sighed. “What is it, Harry?”</p><p>“Nothing much… It’s just it’s already ten fifteen and you’re all still asleep.”</p><p>Sirius sprang up and took off out of the room, crying out for Remus and Mary to rouse themselves and for Harry to meet them all by the front door. They were all standing there within ten minutes, though Mary was yawning and half-asleep on Remus’ shoulder. Sirius shoved them all out of the door and they were on their way.</p><p>~~~</p><p>As they walked down the platform, Harry struggling as the trolley weaved seemingly of its own accord and Remus kept having to seize it before he ran someone down, the familiar vice wrapped itself around Sirius’ heart. He felt it every time they experienced a special moment in Harry’s life; it was the knowledge that he didn’t deserve to be the one witnessing them. He would always be the substitute for the parents Harry deserved, and ones who would have raised him better than Sirius would ever be able to. He pushed the thought aside as they reached Platform 9 3/4 and Remus stepped through first, waiting for Harry on the other side. Sirius would follow Harry through, to make sure he got through alright.</p><p>“Now, don’t worry about writing to us straight away, the school will let us know that you’ve arrived safely. Focus on getting settled and making friends and finding your classes and-…” Sirius began once they were through the gateway, one hand on Harry’s shoulder, the other helping with the weight of the trolley.</p><p>“But you can write to us if you want to, or if you need anything.” Remus assured Harry, trying to rebalance Hedwig’s cage atop of Harry’s trunk. The poor bird was shrieking and people began to turn to gawk at the brilliant white bird, so out of place amongst the grimy London air. “If you’ve forgotten anything we’ll send it on to you, but if you need one us we can be at Hogwarts like a shot. But then again, don’t expect us to be coming to visit you all the time, the other children won’t have their families popping in every Sunday lunch. You need to be independent and-…”</p><p>“But you don’t need to put on a brave face if something’s wrong, you can be honest with us.” Interrupted Sirius. “If something’s wrong or one of the teachers is treating you unfairly-…”</p><p>“Stop it!” Harry burst out, laughing. “You guys need to work on your Good Cop/Bad Cop routine. I think I’ll be alright… I’m ready.”</p><p>“We know you are. We’re just so used to worrying about you, it’s a hard habit to break.”</p><p>“Here come the Weasleys.” Mary said quickly, her hand squeezing Harry’s shoulder briefly before she moved to hang back a little whilst they all said their goodbyes. “Oh good, they’ve found Neville!” She added, his voice cloaked in relief as she raised a hand to wave down the red-headed crowd headed in their direction, Neville trotting along beside Ron.</p><p>“Was he lost?” Asked Harry, stifling a smirk as Neville tripped over his shoelaces and almost took Percy down with him as he fell. Mrs Weasley yanked them both up and continued to stride toward them, whilst simultaneously brushing the dirt and dust off of the boy’s clothes.</p><p>“I can never really tell.” Mary answered through gritted, smiling teeth. Mary was gifting Neville a small potted plant, and she rushed forward to give it to him before they boarded. Its stalky leaves moved independently and wrapped themselves around Neville’s arms and tickled his face gently to show affection. “Look after this one for me, will you Sweetheart? I’ve got more than enough on my plate with the rest of them, especially since you won’t be coming over to help me tend to them as often as you used to.”</p><p>“Thank you!” Neville breathed, with an awed gratitude as he examined the plant closely, giggling as it tickled him under the chin.</p><p>“Now, most things are out of our hands now but at least we can make sure you all get on the train. After that, you’re Hogwarts’ problem!” Mary announced as Molly and Arthur began herding their eligible children onto the train, ignoring Ginny’s pouting for the time being.</p><p>“Until the Christmas holidays.” Added Sirius, smirking.</p><p>“Though, who knows, maybe we’ll make you stay there for the whole year.” Teased Remus.</p><p>“Sick of the sight of you, we are!”</p><p>Harry rolled his eyes. “Very funny.”</p><p>“Before I forget, remember to look for the map, alright? McGonnagal swears she doesn’t have it anymore, she’s looked for it a million times by all accounts. My bet is that Filch nicked it whilst cleaning her office or something.”</p><p>“I hope you’re not implying that Harry should break into the caretaker’s office and steal something-…” Remus scolded.</p><p>“Something that is rightfully his!” Sirius claimed. “Oh, but um no, don’t break in. But if you happen to get in trouble for something I’m just saying it wouldn’t hurt to have a look around.” At that moment, they were swarmed by the Weasleys and Neville and Harry didn’t have another moment alone with Remus and Sirius before Molly sent them all up onto the train in an orderly queue, their trunks already aboard. She herself walked them all to the step that led up to the carriage, counting each of them in turn and planting a kiss on each of their foreheads; even Neville and Harry who were bringing up the rear. Harry was glad to be last, it gave him a chance to linger on the step for just a moment, giving Sirius, Remus and Mary a final wave farewell.</p><p>“He’ll be okay.” Remus assured Sirius, though he was biting down hard on his bottom lip as his eyes searched the windows of the train, waiting for Harry to pop up again with Ron and Neville in tow.</p><p>“I know.” Replied Sirius throatily. “This is the start of a lot of great things for him.” He added, though Remus was certain he said it only as a reminder to himself, rather than an assurance for Remus.</p><p>“A lot of hardships too, but we always knew this was coming.”</p><p>Sirius bent his head to inspect his shoes, which he was scuffing along the train platform idly. “I know he has to go, it’s just-…” He broke off as his voice cracked. He cleared it and tried to finish his sentence again, but it came out so croaky that he gave up.</p><p>Remus put his hand on his friend’s shoulder and squeezed gently. “I know. I’ll miss him too.”</p><p>“Oh come on you big sooks!” Mary exclaimed, wrapping her arms around both of their waists. “Don’t you remember how much fun you had in your first year? Think of the friends he’ll make, the memories! This is the best thing that has ever happened to that boy. He’s going to love it. Now stop blubbing, poor Ginny is upset enough without you two setting her off again.”</p><p>“Mary’s right.” Remus nodded firmly.</p><p>“I know, I know.” Sirius looked over to the remaining Weasleys and winked at the little girl that had been left behind by her big brothers yet again. “Dry your eyes, Gingerbread. Come on, we’ll treat you all to an ice cream.”</p><p>“Well we won’t say no to an offer like that, will we, Ginny?” Arthur nudged her as Molly waved to her brood with one hand and clutched her daughter’s hand with the other.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Harry, Ron and Neville settled themselves into the only free compartment in the whole train just as it was beginning to awaken and begin it’s slow chug out of the station and pressed themselves up against the window. Harry caught sight of Sirius and Remus immediately, standing, as they were, so close to the eldest Weasley children and Ron’s parents. Harry lifted his hand, his palm resting against the window and smiled reassuringly at his godfather and Remus. They waved back enthusiastically, and Harry felt his body quiver with excitement.</p><p>This was the moment, the one that they had always talked about. This was the day his life was going to change, the way it had for them. They had met his parents on this very train, and this very train journey had started years worth of fun and adventures for them. </p><p>He couldn’t wait to get to Hogwarts.</p><p>When he lost sight of Sirius and Remus, Harry flopped back into the seat and grinned at Ron and Neville. It wasn’t long before the boredom of the long journey settled in, and the boys slouched progressively further down into their seats, until they were practically lying down.</p><p>“The trolley lady will be down soon.” Neville said.</p><p>“I’m not hungry... We could go and find Fred and George.” Suggested Ron instead.</p><p>“Didn’t they give you strict instructions not to talk to them until you’d definitely been sorted into Gryffindor, to avoid embarrassment?” Neville reminded Ron, trying to be helpful, but the red-headed boy just sank lower in his seat, folding his arms over his chest as if in a huff. He was yet again reminded of the impending judgement that was to be cast upon him upon their arrival at Hogwarts, and the teasing he would receive from the twins.</p><p>“Oh yeah…” Was all he managed to grumble out as his attention turned to the scene outside of the train window, lost in anxious contemplation.</p><p>The boys sat in bored silence for a few more minutes before Harry felt something stir beneath his robes. Harry’s snitch rose up out of his pocket and began to fly around the compartment, to the delight of the three boys, banging against the windows and the door. Suddenly, the trolley lady pulled open the door, and Harry’s snitch escaped out of the opening and disappeared down the corridor.</p><p>“No!” Harry exclaimed, and with Ron and Neville close behind him, pushed past the trolley lady, running after the snitch.</p><p>Harry smacked straight into a girl with big bushy hair, and they fell to the ground. “What are you doing?” She demanded.</p><p>“Ivelostmysnitchitwentdowntheresorryforbangingintoyoubutihavetogo.” Harry rushed, scrambling to his feet and scanning the air for his Snitch. It had never left his side before. He thought perhaps it was playing a game, trying to amuse him since he had been so bored. But having now lost sight of it completely, Harry was worried it might never come back.</p><p>“You’ve lost a what?”</p><p>Ron interjected, helping the girl to her feet. “Look, he’s sorry he hit you but unless you want to help us look for this snitch-…”</p><p>She straightened up and said, “Okay, what does it look like?”</p><p>“You’ve never seen a snitch before?”</p><p>“Well no, I’m a-…”</p><p>“It’s a small gold ball with wings and it’s flying around somewhere on this train.” Harry explained bluntly. “Let’s go.”</p><p>“You ought to start at the back of the train and work your way forward.” The girl advised knowingly. “In fact, you two go to the back and me and this boy will start at the front,” She instructed, nodding at Neville. “We’ll meet in the middle and at least one of us will have spotted it.”</p><p>“Fine, sounds good.” Harry hauled Ron down the carriage toward the back of the train.</p><p>“I’m Hermione Granger by the way.” The girl called out after them. Too preoccupied with finding the snitch, Harry didn’t turn back, sure that Neville would introduce himself as well as Harry and Ron to Hermione on their behalf.</p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. chapter twenty-eight.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Don’t worry about it, Harry.” Ron reassured his friend as they clambered off of the train at Hogsmeade station, still snitch-less. “It probably went out of the window or something. It’ll catch up to us.”</p><p>“I hope you’re right.” Harry mumbled, still pouting a little.</p><p>“Only four to a boat!” Hagrid boomed. “Hi-ya Harry! Hi-ya Ron! Hi-ya Neville!” He added with an enthusiastic wave, which the boys all returned. Hagrid had shown up several times in their young lives, often at the Burrow on special occasions or on errands for Dumbledore, and Harry still remembered fondly when the half-giant had fed him Custard Creams in his shack with Professor McGonnagal.</p><p>“You can ride in ours if you like.” Harry offered Hermione. She perked up, and smiled gratefully at him, though the smile soon slipped away when Neville nearly toppled over the edge of their boat and, in their haste to save him, Harry and Ron threw their weight the wrong way and almost sent her flying into the water instead.</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Sirius, Hedwig is at the window!” Mary cried out. Sirius leapt up and ran into the kitchen, ripping the window open and letting the bird hop inside and extend its leg for Sirius to remove the letter that was tied there, begging to be read.</p><p>Dear Sirius and Remus and Mary,</p><p>I know you told me not to bother writing but that’s what everyone else in the Common Room is doing right now and I didn’t want to be the only one who looked like he didn’t have anyone that cared whether he’d made it or not. So, I made it to Hogwarts fine and was sorted into Gryffindor! Thank god it wasn’t Slytherin! Draco Malfoy was sorted into that house and he looked way too happy about it. It feels really good to be in the same house as you both and my parents. Ron, Neville and I sat together on the train, and we met a girl called Hermione who is very nice, but we’re not too sure about her yet, she seems a bit bossy-…”</p><p>“If he’s anything like James that probably means he’s going to marry her.” Sirius snorted as Remus kept reading.</p><p>... Classes start tomorrow, and we get to practice flying. I hope I’m not the worst one.</p><p>“I’ll have to write and remind him that most of the other kids will never have flown before at all, he’ll be miles ahead of the rest of them.”</p><p>“Make sure he doesn’t show off.” Said Remus sternly.</p><p>“Are you kidding?” Sirius snorted. “I’m going to tell him to work on his flips.”</p><p>Lots of love, Harry</p><p>P.S. I don’t think Hedwig likes the owlery, is she allowed to stay in the dormitory with me or is it against the rules? Ron doesn’t know and said his brothers won’t give us a straight answer because they want us to get in trouble on our first day...</p><p>“Poor Hedwig!” Cooed Mary, reaching out and scratching the owl’s head affectionately. .</p><p>“What do you mean ‘poor Hedwig’? She has a whole owlery of other owls to hang out with.” Hedwig narrowed her big eyes at Remus and tried to nip at his fingers in a less than playful manner. She then moved back towards Mary and let the witch stroke her. “Well that’s just favouritism.” Muttered Remus.</p><p>… P.P.S. My Snitch is gone. It flew away from me on the train and I haven’t seen it since. Is that normal? Do you think it’ll come back?</p><p>“That’s worrying.” Remus said, his brow furrowed.</p><p>“No, actually it’s a good thing.” Said Sirius optimistically. “It means that the Snitch doesn’t think Harry needs protecting anymore. It’s still loyal, it’ll come and check on him every once in a while. But it’s more or less decided he doesn’t need it anymore.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>When Harry returned to the Common Room from his venture to the owlery to send Hedwig off with his letter to Sirius and Remus, he found Ron, Hermione and two boys from their dormitory, Dean and Seamus, gathered around Neville who appeared to be having some kind of nervous breakdown. He was rocking back and forth on the sofa and repeating, “wrong house, I’m in the wrong house,” over and over again.</p><p>“What’s going on?” Asked Harry, slinging himself down beside Ron on the sofa and peering anxiously at Neville, mirroring everyone else.</p><p>“He thinks he’s in the wrong house.” Replied Dean obviously.</p><p>“What do you mean? He thinks he’s not supposed to be in Gryffindor?” Clarified Harry, his stomach twisting as he wondered if that was possible. Could people be sorted into the wrong houses? Was he in the wrong house?</p><p>Neville snapped out of his stupor. “I’m not! There was a mistake. I’m not brave enough to be in Gryffindor. And when they find out I don’t fit into any of the houses they’re going to kick me out of Hogwarts and-…”</p><p>“Oh don’t be silly, they don’t kick people out of Hogwarts for stuff like that.” Hermione interrupted.</p><p>“Remus always says that there are loads of contributing factors as to why we’re sorted into the houses we’re sorted into, and that there’s no one thing that makes the people in Gryffindor specifically Gryffindor. For some people it might be bravery, for others it could be loyalty or-…”</p><p>“Besides, the Sorting Hat doesn’t make mistakes, it says so in Hogwarts: A History.” Hermione added quickly.</p><p>“See Neville, there’s nothing to worry about.” Ron reassured his friend with a clap on the shoulder. “Like Hermione said, there are no mistakes so you can’t possibly be one.”</p><p>“There’s a first time for everything.” Seamus mumbled unhelpfully.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Dear Harry,</p><p>We are so glad that you’re pleased with your sorting, and just quietly we also couldn’t be more thrilled that you’re in Gryffindor just like your dad. We’re sure all of your classes will go well, just be sure to listen to your teachers and do your homework in plenty of time. In regards to your Hedwig question, unless the rules have changed having owls in the dormitory is technically forbidden, but since we kept a werewolf, a dog, a deer and a rat in ours, we’re not sure we’re the best to tell you which rules to follow and which to ignore. Just don’t get caught, and don’t blame us if you!</p><p>All our love,</p><p>Moony &amp; Padfoot (Mary is in London today, but we know that she sends all of her love to you too!)</p><p>P.S. Try not to worry about your Snitch, it’s bound to show up soon. And if it doesn’t, well consider it a compliment! It must think you’re too grown up to need it anymore!</p><p>Pouting a little, Harry folded the letter up and tucked it inside of his robes. He wasn’t happy with their answer about the Snitch, as true as it may be. He hadn’t been warned that the Snitch had a mind of its own and was likely to make decisions about how grown up Harry was or was not of its own accord. He hadn’t been ready to say goodbye. His thoughts were interrupted by Hermione, who across the table, was folding up her newspaper and moving on to her breakfast. “Harry, would you like to read my copy of the Daily Prophet?” She offered, holding the folded newspaper out towards him. “I’ve finished it.”</p><p>“How did you read it so quickly? It only arrived ten minutes ago.” Ron asked through a mouthful of scrambled eggs, his tone bordering on accusatory.</p><p>“Um sure, thank you.” Harry said awkwardly, taking the newspaper. Usually he didn’t bother with the news, except when Remus tore out the William Warlock moving comic-strips from the centre and gave them to him to read. He resisted the urge to flick through in search of them now, and tried to look genuinely interested in what he was reading. He didn’t want his new friend to think he wasn’t very clever.</p><p>“Actually!” Hermione burst out, as though she had suddenly remembered something urgent. “There was something about you in yesterday’s paper if you’d like to see it, though I suppose you’re rather bored of all these articles about you. I’ve often wondered if everything in them is true-…”</p><p>“Somebody’s writing about me? In the Daily Prophet?”</p><p>“Well yes I-… Oh, you didn’t know?” She shrank a little. “Don’t you read the papers?”</p><p>“Not that often.” Harry replied cagily.</p><p>“I can find yesterday’s edition for you later on if you’d like me to. It’s up in my dormitory, I’ll bring it down to the Common Room for you this afternoon?”</p><p>Harry nodded and turned back to today’s edition. “Yes please.”</p><p>“And I can show you where the archived copies of the Prophet are kept in the library.” Hermione added excitedly. “Madam Pince has an excellent organisational system, and the issues go all the way back to paper’s foundation without missing a single one-…”</p><p>“Are you going to eat that sausage?” Ron interrupted, pointing his fork at Hermione’s plate. Wordlessly, Hermione slid her plate towards Ron, before standing up and stalking out of the Great Hall, presumably on her way to her first class. Harry and Ron remained at the table, Ron continuing to eat while Harry pretended to read the paper, his mind whirring elsewhere as he contemplated all that he did not know about himself that everyone else seemed to have memorised years earlier. As the Great Hall emptied slowly, as students left to attend their morning classes, Ron began to fidget. “Are you done?” He blurted finally. “We’re going to be late and we have Snape first up. He’ll go bloody mental if we’re late according to Fred and George. Percy refuses to admit that he doesn’t like him because he doesn’t want to agree with the twins, and he’s always sucking up to teachers, but I know that-…”</p><p>“You go.” Harry said, getting up from the table and folding Hermione’s Daily Prophet up and stowing it away in his robes. “I’ve got something I have to do.”</p><p>Without another word of explanation, Harry took off and left Ron sitting dumbfounded at the table. Harry raced up to his dormitory, stopping whenever he heard voices to duck behind a wall or a conveniently-placed statue to avoid detection in the corridors. Once safely back in his bed, the curtains drawn and his breathing heavy and laboured, Harry found a blank piece of parchment and his ink and quills and began to write.</p><p>Dear Sirius,</p><p>I’m not sure how to write this letter, or how to ask what I’m going to ask. I’m also not sure why I’m not addressing this to Remus and Mary too, I know you’ll tell them everything that’s in it anyway, Remus especially. Don’t worry, I’m okay with that, but it feels like this needs to go directly to you first. Maybe it’s because you were the first person to stick up for me after my parents died. You were the first one to hold me and smile at me, and you never left my side from that night on. Kind of like the Snitch. I know that means you’ve also been the one protecting me most over these last ten years. As grateful as I am for that, I can’t help but wonder if maybe your way of protection has been by keeping things from me that I ought to know. Things that everyone else here already seems to know. I think I’m ready, Sirius. I’m ready to hear the whole story, my story. I need to know what really happened before my parents died, the night of and everything that’s happened or tried to happen to me since that night. I want to hear it from you, but if you’re not willing to explain, I’ll find it out some other way. Hermione’s pretty good at finding things in the library, I’m sure she’ll help me.</p><p>Please write back as soon as you can.</p><p>Love, Harry</p>
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<a name="section0029"><h2>29. chapter twenty-nine.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry’s first potions lesson did not go well. He and Ron were, in fact, a few minutes late, and the Potions master, Snape was cold and unforgiving about it. Clearly, Harry’s reputation had preceded him, as Snape sneered, “Thank you for joining us, Potter. Good of you to grace us with your presence.” He did not acknowledge that Ron had even entered the room. Draco Malfoy sniggered in the corner with his new Slytherin friends. Clearly, his mother had talked him and his family down as much as Harry’s family had warned him off Draco. He doubted they would be friends any time soon.</p><p>“Sorry Professor.”</p><p>“Sit down.” He snarled, before turning to the blackboard and tapping it sharply with his wand. “Potter, tell me what is the difference between Monkshood and Wolfsbane?”</p><p>Beside Harry, Hermione’s hand flew up to indicate that she knew the answer, but Snape ignored her. Harry froze momentarily before a distant image of Mary, kneeling down in her greenhouse, dirt up to her elbows teaching him about the different plants. “There is no difference.” He replied hurriedly. “They’re the same plant with different names... for the more fussy herbologist.”</p><p>Snape narrowed his eyes at him. “Hmm. I see that a droplet of your mother’s genius was left behind in you, despite your father’s best efforts.”</p><p>“What do you mea-…”</p><p>“Silence! Ten points from Gryffindor for speaking out of turn.”</p><p>“But you spoke to me fir-…”</p><p>“TWENTY POINTS!”</p><p>“Shut up, Harry, let it go.” Ron muttered.</p><p>After class, still annoyed, Harry packed up his books in a huff. “Harry, I can’t believe you got that question right! I only just learnt that in the book Mary got for me.” Neville gushed.</p><p>“Snape looked furious. He hates you Harry.” Ron chuckled with a shake of his head. “Seriously, did you kick him in the shin when we arrived yesterday or something?”</p><p>“I wish he’d let me answer.” Hermione complained.</p><p>“I wonder why he doesn’t like me.”</p><p>“Probably has something to do with your parents.” Suggested Fred, appearing from seemingly nowhere with his twin in tow as the First-Years filed out of the classroom into the corridor.</p><p>“Why’d you say that?”</p><p>“He was in their year when he was at Hogwarts.” Answered George. “Everyone knows that.”</p><p>“But-...” However, Harry didn’t get a chance to say anything more as Professor McGonnagal swirled into the corridor and called out to Harry.</p><p>“Mr Potter. Follow me please.” The heels of her shoes on the granite floors were the only sound that Harry could hear apart from the sound of his own hammering heartbeat as he left his friends behind. He couldn’t imagine what he had already done to get himself into enough trouble for the head go Gryffindor house to pull him out of class and march him to her office. Harry hung his head in shame and hoped that a humble and sincere apology would be enough to dissuade McGonagall from sending him home on the Hogwarts Express in disgrace.</p><p>However, when they reached her office and McGonnagal pushed the door open, what was waiting for Harry inside was not a punishment for bad behaviour - it was Sirius. “Padfoot!” Harry exclaimed, running forward and throwing himself into Sirius’ arms, forgetting, for a moment, the presence of his teacher in the doorway.</p><p>“Missed me already, mate?” Sirius chuckled, squeezing Harry back before pulling away to ruffle the boy’s already unruly hair.</p><p>“Maybe a bit.” Harry grinned in return, burying his face back into Sirius’ robes.</p><p>“I’ll leave you to it then, Sirius.”</p><p>“No, that’s alright, Professor,” Sirius stopped her. “I think we’ll go for a walk. We have some things to figure out, and I think it needs to be outside of the school walls if that’s alright.”</p><p>“Of course. Just be back before dark. Harry has a curfew and unlike his father and godfather before him I expect him to keep to it.”</p><p>“You know we’ll be hungry before then, Professor.”</p><p>“Yes, I remember. I’ll make sure they save you something in the kitchens if you’re not back in time for dinner in the Great Hall.” McGonnagal smiled briefly, before stepping aside to let Harry and Sirius pass into the hallway before she slipped back into her office and clicked the door shut behind them.</p><p>Students began to file out of classrooms on all sides of them and soon Harry began to gather attention from those that recognised him, though even those that didn’t know him by sight were intrigued to see Sirius walking beside him down the ancient corridors. “Should I try to make it look like you’re in trouble?”</p><p>“What? No, why?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged. “I thought it might be helpful if everyone saw that you had some form of discipline at home, or that you had it rough. Make everyone feel sorry for you and want to be your friend.”</p><p>“I’ve got enough friends without having to pretend I had a miserable childhood.” Snorted Harry, unaware of how happy it made Sirius. “Besides, people are more likely to think I’m cool if they see you walking me around then if I was by myself or just with Ron or Neville or Hermione.”</p><p>“Hermione, aye?” Sirius raised an eyebrow at him. “Is that the bossy girl you were talking about in your-…”</p><p>Sirius cut off just in time, as Hermione came running up to them with Ron following close behind. “Harry, is everything alright? McGonnagal looked so cross, are you-… Oh… Hello…” She trailed off as her eyes fell on Sirius and a bright red blush bloomed on her cheeks. Sirius smiled at her, but this only seemed to make Hermione shyer, and she took a step back to be in line with Ron, her eyes trained on the ground.</p><p>“I still haven’t found the ‘off’ button on her.” Ron groaned. “Hey Sirius, what are you doing here?”</p><p>“Oh, you know.” Sirius smirked. “Just had a hankering for some good old book learning, it happens when you get old.”</p><p>Ron pulled a face. “Ugh, really?”</p><p>Sirius snorted. “No, not really. You’ll be safe when you graduate. Just came to see Harry for a few hours.”</p><p>“Well that’s a relief. How’s everyone at home? Has Ginny stopped crying yet?”</p><p>“Barely.” Sirius smiled pitifully. “She misses you all terribly, but you two the very most.”</p><p>“I think it’s because Bill and Charlie are both even further away now and-…”</p><p>“We’re going to go for a walk,” Harry said quickly, cutting Ron off before the conversation could stretch itself too much further. “We’ll see you later.” He added, before Ron could misconstrue his hastiness for an invitation to come along and a way to ditch Hermione. But Ron wasn’t paying attention anyway, Hermione had already begun to walk away in the direction of the library and he took off after her, asking her why she still wouldn’t explain something that they had learnt at the tail-end of class to him again.</p><p>“So I take it you and Ron aren’t competing for Hermione’s heart then?” Sirius chuckled, looking back to see Ron disappear into the throng of students whilst he and Harry continued on through the castle.</p><p>“Ew, no, of course not!”</p><p>“Hey, don’t say it like that, you’ll hurt her feelings.” Sirius nudged him.</p><p>“She’s not even here!”</p><p>“That’s not the point, mate. Always speak to and about girls with respect. That’s just about the only good advice my father ever gave me. Besides, one day you might not find fancying Hermione as gross as you do right now.”</p><p>Harry flushed as red as Hermione. “Can we talk about something else?”</p><p>“Absolutely, when we get to the Black Lake we can discuss everything you’ve ever wanted to know.”</p><p>“Why are we going all the way to the lake for that?”</p><p>“I have something I want to show you. Besides, it’s a good place for quiet reflection, which means it’s a good place for me to explain everything to you.”</p><p>“You got my letter?”</p><p>Sirius chuckled. “Why else would I have tumbled out of McGonnagal’s fireplace covered in soot and demanded to see you all of twenty minutes ago?”</p><p>“Didn’t you send a message ahead of time?”</p><p>“I considered it, but I thought it would be more fun to see the look on her face by just suddenly appearing. She probably has nightmares about the stuff we pulled when we were at school, and then to suddenly find one of us on her tartan rug? Priceless.”</p><p>“You didn’t have to go out of your way, or rush, or anything... I’m okay.”</p><p>“No, you were right. It wasn’t the right thing to do, sending you off to school without letting you have all the facts. When you were a little kid, it made sense to hide this stuff from you. We wanted to make sure you didn’t grow up being afraid. But you’re not a little kid anymore Harry, hard as that might be for me to accept, and it’s time you learnt the truth about who you are.”</p><p>“Hagrid will want us to have tea if we go this way.” Harry said absently, nodding towards Hagrid’s pumpkin patch in the distance.</p><p>“Have you got your dad’s cloak?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“Then let’s put it on! We can talk to Hagrid on the way back to the castle if we feel like it, but I don’t want to delay what I have to say any longer than absolutely necessary.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Harry leant back heavily against the thick tree he was sitting in front of and breathed deeply. Sirius had talked almost non-stop for over half an hour, filling Harry in on everything that he himself knew and it was proving quite overwhelming. “But what does it mean, Sirius?”</p><p>“It means that there are some people that believe that Voldemort will rise back to power, he will come back and he will return to what he was doing before. But before he can reach his full potential, he will try to kill you again as he did all those years ago. Nobody knows why you survived that night Harry, least of all Voldemort. You are a symbol of hope to many in the Wizarding World and he can’t stand it.”</p><p>Harry forced himself to ask the obvious question, though it made his head spin and a bitter taste form in his mouth. “But what if I don’t survive again?”</p><p>“Their hope is that if it comes to another head-to-head between you and Voldemort, then you will defeat him and the Wizarding World will be free of fear forever. Right now, though things are better than they were ten years ago, there’s always the possibility of a return to how they were. While Voldemort lives, there is no guarantee of peace in the Wizarding World.”</p><p>“But he’s supposed to be the most powerful wizard in the world, Sirius.”</p><p>“Dumbledore is the most powerful wizard in the world.” Sirius corrected him without hesitation.</p><p>Harry rolled his eyes. “Fine, the second most powerful wizard in the world. Either way, he’s miles better than I am. I can’t defeat him, I can’t even make things levitate properly.”</p><p>“You’ve already defeated him once. Harry, Voldemort’s magic is powerful, I will grant you that, but it is also Dark Magic. Now, it has its virtues in times of war but good magic will always come out on top when utilised by the right person at the right time. You might not be able to see them yet, but you have powers, weapons at your own disposal that Voldemort cannot even fathom. Hogwarts will help you find them and teach you how to use them so that if it does come to another altercation between yourself and Voldemort, you will defeat him again, for good this time.”</p><p>Harry was quiet for a few minutes, and Sirius didn’t say anything, letting his godson process all of the information. Instead, they threw rocks into the lake, watching the ripples dispel in the murky water. “Do you think my parents were scared?” Harry asked finally.</p><p>“Scared of what?”</p><p>“Scared of dying.” Harry clarified.</p><p>“No, Harry.” Sirius rushed. “They weren’t scared of dying, they weren’t scared of anything. Except-… Harry, the only thing James and Lily Potter were ever scared of was something bad happening to you, and we’re not ever going to let anything bad happen to you. Okay?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“You don’t need to be afraid, understand? Even with all of this crazy stuff that feels so much bigger than you-… You never have to face any of it alone. We’re with you all the way, you have always come first.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know that.” Harry nodded.</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“I’m sorry all of this happened to you Sirius.” Harry whispered, dipping his gaze.</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “Harry I don’t regret raising you, it’s been the greatest joy and honour of my life. I didn’t tell you all of this so-…”</p><p>“That’s not what I meant, but thank you. I mean, I’m sorry that he took my parents away from you.”</p><p>“Me? Harry, he took them from you, you have every right to be angry and upset and-…”</p><p>“I know that, and I am all of those things but… See, Sirius, I don’t remember my parents. I wish that I did, I wish I’d had the chance to know them and to love them properly. But no amount of wishing will change the fact that they’re not here and that they haven’t been for a long time. But you remember them, everything about them. You loved them by choice, not by biological responsibility. I lost my parents, but they were taken from you. I know it still hurts like hell and I wish I could make it better for you.”</p><p>“You’re a good kid, Harry Potter. I miss them everyday. But being with you, watching you grow up… it makes the pain lessen considerably because I know how proud they would have been on the person you are. And you are like them so I get to see echoes of them sometimes, which is nice. But you’re you, and that’s more important and more exciting to see. I love you for you, mate, not just because you’re their son. I hope you know that.”</p><p>“I know. I love you too Sirius.” He moved to hug Sirius tightly and the two of them stayed like that for a few minutes, just holding each other and watching the sun begin to set over the lake.</p><p>“Come on then, I’d best return you to school.” Sirius said finally. “Got any homework yet?”</p><p>“A bit… Are you going to stay?”</p><p>“No, I’m going to walk into Hogsmeade and apparate home tonight. Can’t leave Remus and Mary to fend for themselves for too long, it would be cruel! Besides, they’re anxious to hear about how you’re doing.”</p><p>“You showed them my letter, then?”</p><p>“You know I had to, mate. You’re as much theirs as you are mine.”</p><p>“I know, I know. Are they upset that I only wrote it to you?”</p><p>“No, they understand. They-… We just want the best for you.”</p><p>“I know. Please tell them that I didn’t mean to cut them out or anything, I just needed to hear about what had happened from one perspective rather than three. I’m sure I’ll hear their side of things soon.”</p><p>“Of course. We’re going to take this at your pace, Harry. Now, I better be going. Your dinner will be waiting and then you’re to go straight upstairs and do your homework okay? Well, unless something more exciting comes up, of course!”</p><p>“I’ll miss you.” Harry said quietly.</p><p>“And I you.” Sirius promised. “But this is how things are going to be from now on, alright? We can do this. Now, if you need me, then I’m here, but I expect to only be called to the school if you’ve done something extraordinarily mischievous, not because you’re homesick. Okay? Do we have a deal?”</p><p>“Deal.”</p><p>Sirius grinned. “Good. Then I’ll see you at Christmas.”</p><p>“Hey, what makes you think I’m not going to do something mischievous?” Challenged Harry.</p><p>“Because, while you are James Potter’s son, you are also Lily Evans’.”</p><p>“What, she never did anything mischievous? I find that hard to believe.”</p><p>“Of course she did, but your mother never got caught! She was much too clever for that. I expect the same from you.”</p><p>“Oh that reminds me... Is there a reason Professor Snape doesn’t like me?”</p><p>Sirius froze. “What did he do to you?” He demanded, his voice unusually hard. It scared Harry a little to hear it that way.</p><p>“Nothing…” He mumbled. “He just acts like he doesn’t like me and I don’t know why… Fred and George thought it might have something to do with my parents. Why didn’t you tell me you were in the same year as one of my teachers?”</p><p>“Harry, listen to me, if he ever says anything to you or does something to you that’s out of line you tell me immediately. I thought he’d be better as a teacher than-…”</p><p>“Why is it just me though, Sirius? What aren’t you telling me?”</p><p>“It’s not you that Snape hates, Harry. He hated us when we were at school, your dad especially. And especially when Lily chose James over him.”</p><p>“Snape and my mum?”</p><p>“They weren’t dating or anything, she never saw him that way. But they were friends and when Lily started dating James, the person Snape disliked the most, he went crazy. He was cruel to her and she was really upset, though she refused to acknowledge that it wasn’t the first time he’d been cruel to her. Your parents getting together wasn’t the thing that made him the way he is, but it certainly didn’t help. He sees you in them both and he’s holding a grudge, but it’s not fair and it’s not professional. Let us know the second it goes too far, okay?”</p><p>“Okay… Will you tell me more about this?”</p><p>“I will, I promise. But I think we’ve done enough talking for today. Don’t you?”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re right.” Harry agreed with a nod.</p><p>“Actually, before I go, any news on the map?”</p><p>Harry shook his head. “Nothing, but I haven’t been to Filch’s office yet. I’ve looked everywhere in the Gryffindor Common Room and in Boy’s Dormitory just in case somebody from our house found it and hid it up there again but no luck. Apart from that I’ve just been hoping I might see it poking out of somebody’s robes pocket or something.”</p><p>“Thought that might be the case.”</p><p>“Do you think I should ask around.”</p><p>“No way! Nobody knows about it except McGonagall and Dumbledore and even if they did, say if they were the one that found it or something, they’d never tell you about it because they wouldn’t want to give it up.”</p><p>“That makes sense. I’ll keep looking though, I want to find it.”</p><p>“Good man. Alright, here’s your stop.” He said, pausing in front of the entrance to the school. “See you soon.”</p><p>“Okay, bye Sirius…” Harry gave him another quick hug. “Oh, there is one more thing!”</p><p>“Shoot.”</p><p>“Do you have any idea about how to deal with Peeves? He gets on pretty well with the twins but he’s been bothering the rest of us a lot.”</p><p>“Is that so?” Harry nodded and Sirius smirked knowingly. “Well just you make sure that he knows exactly where you come from. He’ll worship the ground you walk on after that.”</p><p>“Where I come from? What do you mean?”</p><p>“Must be off, Harry. Be sure to write if you need anything. I’ll see you very soon.” Sirius rushed, his lips curled upward in a knowing smirk and kissed the crown of Harry’s head lightly before striding away, his raven-coloured robes fluttering behind him as he went.</p>
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<a name="section0030"><h2>30. chapter thirty.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So he’s okay?” Mary pressed, her arms folded across her chest and her face contorted into a mask of worry. Sirius hadn’t seen her look like this in a long time, but recognised that it had once seemed as though her face, all of their faces, would be permanently set in this sort of expression. During their time with the Order, there was very little time reserved for relaxing or forgetting about what they were up against. There was always someone that they cared about absent, missing, dead or in the middle of putting their neck on the line for the sake of the cause, for the sake of the rest of them. Seeing it now sent a queasy pain jolt through Sirius’ stomach as he re-lived moments that he had relayed bad news to his closest friends. He wondered how much longer they would have before this type of meeting became a regularity again, and how long Harry would be able to evade them. How long before he had to fight in the same way his parents had fought. How long before he fell? Sirius wrenched the thought from his mind as soon as it entered. He had long since vowed that he would never see the day that Harry Potter faltered, because, if his godson had to fight, he would always do so with Sirius by his side, ready to jump in front of him if the need arose. Sirius Black would happily die, if it meant that his last action had been protecting the person he loved most in the world.</p><p>“Seems to be.” He replied gruffly, scuffing the toe of his boot along the tile grout awkwardly, his arms folded in the same way that Mary’s were. “I mean, it’s a hell of a lot to take in at any age, let alone only be eleven and having to come to terms with your own mortality. But it was always going to be a shitty thing to try to understand, and if anyone can get their head around this it’s going to be him.”</p><p>“I think you’re right.” Said Remus, lifting his hand to rub his temple. He too, Sirius could tell, was having trouble ignoring the reflective thoughts of their time with the Order and its significance in regard to Harry’s immediate future.</p><p>Mary sat up a little straighter, her worried expression melting away. When she spoke again, her tone was more playful and he and Remus could both tell that she was desperate to change the subject and lighten the mood in the progressively darkening kitchen. Evening was falling, it would soon be completely dark. Nights were the hardest, and they all knew it. It was why they stayed up so late, reading or talking or playing cards. None of them wanted to spend any time alone when it was dark. That’s when it was hardest to block out the niggling thoughts, the jarring memories. “You forgot the most important part, Sirius.”</p><p>“What’s that then?”</p><p>“What’s the scoop on this Hermione girl?” Mary asked excitedly, rubbing her hands together. “Is it James and Lily round two? Should we start writing our wedding speeches?”</p><p>“No interest as of yet,” Sirius chuckled, unfolding his arms and slinging himself down in a third chair at the table. “Well, not that kind of interest. He insists that they’re just friends, and it seems that way. In fact, Harry, Ron, Neville and this Hermione seem to have formed a little quartet.”</p><p>“Finally, some girl power!” Mary pumped her fist. “She’ll sort them right out.”</p><p>“I don’t think they know that they need sorting out, but she certainly seems like the type that’ll do just that. I don’t know, I get the feeling that Ron might be nursing a small crush on her, though he insists she’s the most frustrating person he’s ever met.”</p><p>Mary giggled. “Sounds like true love to me.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>That night, Mary was sitting on the back garden steps, smoking.The back door slid open and Mary jumped violently. Sirius stood in the light from the kitchen, half outside, frozen. Slowly he cocked an eyebrow and smirked at her, as if he had caught her doing something she shouldn’t be. “Don’t tell Remus?” She offered.</p><p>Sirius chuckled and walked towards her. “Did you really think I didn’t know this is where you’ve been sneaking off to whenever something big happens? I’m not as stupid as I look, Macdonald.”</p><p>“Seems so.”</p><p>“Besides, Harry confessed to me after he caught you the first time.”</p><p>“He grassed me up? Unbelievable! Remind me never to trust him with anything ever again, especially secrets! Though well done on not giving up the fact that you knew, it must have been four or five years ago now that he first caught me!”</p><p>Sirius held his hand out. “Give us a drag?”</p><p>“God, what are we, fifteen again?” Mary rolled her eyes but handed him the cigarette anyway.</p><p>“If only.”</p><p>“Ah, but if we were fifteen again we wouldn’t have Harry, and that, I’m sure we both agree would be a tragedy.” Mary grinned.</p><p>“The tragedy is him being forced to live with us and not with his parents. He has to deal with all of this shit and it’s not fair.”</p><p>“I know.” Mary mumbled. “But it’s the way it is. All we can do is be there to help him.”</p><p>“Maybe we should teach him to smoke, might make things a little easier to handle.”</p><p>Mary snorted and took the cigarette from him, admiring it between her fingers in the dim light. “I don’t know who I’m kidding. I smoke one every time I feel slightly sad and my mood doesn’t change and neither does the thing I’m sad about. I just get to have a cigarette, like I’m rewarding myself for going through shitty times. I’m not sure it’s gonna help him that much.”</p><p>“I thought him being away at school would be easier than this. I thought knowing what a good time he’s going to have would make me want him to be there. I thought it would feel the same as when we went away when we were at school and that I’d be as excited as he was. But it doesn’t, because when we went to school-…”</p><p>“You didn’t get left behind.”</p><p>“Exactly. Mary, I miss him so much it’s like there’s a hole in my chest, right next to the one James left when he was killed.”</p><p>“I know, Padfoot. But Harry is alive and well. He laughs and thinks about things and he runs and he flies and he smiles and he-… he lives. He’s so alive, it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. I don’t know about you, but I’d become a bit too used to death after the Order. I would have struggled to imagine a beacon of life and happiness quite like him.”</p><p>“You’re right, of course you are. But I think it almost makes it worse. I know how alive he is and how much fun he is and how well we get on… I miss my friend as much as I miss my godson. I miss having someone at the breakfast table to greet me every morning, or to laugh at my stupidest jokes. I just miss having him close by.”</p><p>“Christmas will come in the blink of an eye.”</p><p>“I know. I’m just feeling sorry for myself. He’s probably not thinking about me at all.”</p><p>“That’s the way it should be. But I think you’re selling yourself short, he’ll be missing you as much as you miss him. He just has more to distract him from it.”</p><p>“That’s true.”</p><p>“Do you think he’s okay, I mean really okay? After everything you told him today I mean?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Sirius answered truthfully. “I hope so, I really do. I’d like to think he wouldn’t be bothered by any of it, but he’s too smart for that. He knows what’s going on and like any sane person would be, he’s going to be scared.”</p><p>“Poor Fawn… He’s still so little.”</p><p>“Little but fierce.” Sirius said. “He’ll get through this. We all will.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>That night, Harry tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep. Thoughts raced through his head. Everything that Sirius had told him swarmed in his ears, mixing with snippets he had heard before. All of this played against the backdrop of an image, the picture that was framed in his bedroom at home, of his parents on their wedding day, dancing and smiling for the camera. He hadn’t even thought to bring it with him to Hogwarts, and now he longed to look at it more than anything.</p><p>The thing that haunted him most was that, even though Sirius had promised he didn’t need to face anything that was coming alone, Harry knew in his heart that that just wasn’t true. It had been him that the prophecy had spoken of, it was him that Voldemort had targeted, it was him that had defeated him once and was expected to do it again. If Voldemort returned, it would be Harry that had to face him, and he would have to do it alone.</p><p>In a way, he was glad of this, because it meant that nothing bad would happen to Sirius, Remus, or Mary, or any of the people that he loved so dearly. They had already been through so much, too much. More than most people ever had to struggle with. Then Harry made a silent pledge to himself to do everything in his power to keep anything bad from happening to them. They’d had enough pain already, and so much of that hurt and tragedy had come as a direct result of their connection to him.</p><p>“No more.” He promised, and rolled over, hoping to finally get some sleep.</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Ouch!” Hermione cried out and Harry turned to see a quill sticking out of her bushy hair. He looked up and saw Peeves the Poltergeist cackling in the air above them, aiming another quill at them.</p><p>Inspiration struck Harry and, swallowing his humble nature, lifted his chin and yelled out to the poltergeist. “Oi, Peeves!”</p><p>“What do you want, Ickle Firstie?”</p><p>“Just want to have a little chat, that’s all.”</p><p>“What about?” The ghost called down suspiciously.</p><p>“I just thought I might introduce myself to you... My name is Harry James Potter.”</p><p>“Potter?” Peeves’ eyes widened horribly. “Not-… James Potter? The James Potter?”</p><p>“You knew my dad then?” Harry called back, his confidence growing. “My mother’s name was Lily Evans, perhaps you knew her too? And don’t forget my godfather, Sirius Black. And Remus Lupin, he helped raise me too.”</p><p>Peeves seemed to quiver, though whether it was from fear of excitement Harry could not yet tell. “You know the Marauders?” He hissed and floated down to Harry’s level.</p><p>“Know them?” Harry laughed tauntingly. “They’re in my blood, Peeves. My blood, my bones… my heart. I am a Marauder.”</p><p>“In that case.” Peeves straightened. “My name is Peeves the Poltergeist, Ghost at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and I am at your service, Mr Potter.”</p><p>“Glad to hear it. I want you to leave us alone, Peeves. Me and all of my friends, okay?”</p><p>“Yes Sir!” And with that, the ghost zoomed down the corridor in the other direction to the one they were walking in.</p><p>“Oh well done, Harry!” Hermione beamed in a congratulatory way.</p><p>“That’ll come in handy!” Ron exclaimed. “You have your very own ghost servant.”</p><p>Harry rolled his eyes. “I don’t need one of those, I just need some peace and quiet!” They continued down the corridor, but after a few minutes Harry heard a meek coughing behind him. He turned to see Peeves following them again. “What is it, Peeves?”</p><p>“Sorry, sir, but I was remembering something I heard the teachers saying when they thought I wasn’t there-…”</p><p>“You were spying on them!” Hermione said accusingly at the same time that Ron asked curiously, “What did they say?” The two glared at each other before snapping their attention back to the ghost who was still mid-bow and speaking to Harry.</p><p>“They said that Harry Potter was being raised by three members of the Order of the Phoenix. Who is the third?”</p><p>“Mary Macdonald.” Peeves' mouth fell open and Harry’s stomach twisted. “What? What about Mary?” He demanded.</p><p>Peeves shook his head warily. “They used to underestimate her, but that stopped when she beat Mulciber in that duel... After that, everyone knew… Clever, fast, brave and beautiful too… Mary Macdonald was not to be messed with.”</p><p>“Yeah, nothing’s changed. She’s still like that.”</p><p>“And you were raised by her?”</p><p>“Yeah, partly...”</p><p>“AT YOUR SERVICE, SIR!” Peeves squawked again, saluting Harry dramatically.</p>
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<a name="section0031"><h2>31. chapter thirty-one.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“He’s made the team!” Sirius exclaimed proudly, brandishing the letter he had just retrieved from Hedwig’s leg. “First year and he’s done it! Youngest Seeker in a century!” The other two cheered and reached to read the news for themselves as Sirius turned to one of the pictures of James on the wall. “He did it, Prongs.” He whispered, mostly to himself before looking back at Mary and Remus. “We’re going to his first game, right?”</p><p>“I’m there!” Grinned Mary.</p><p>Remus also nodded. “As long as it doesn’t make him too nervous.”</p><p>The following few weeks flew past for all of them and before they knew it, Sirius, Remus and Mary were travelling to Hogwarts for Harry’s first official game of Quidditch. They used the Floo Network and met Professor McGonnagal for breakfast before heading down to the stands with her. They had decided not to tell Harry they were coming to watch him, lest he be even more nervous. Upon reaching the Quidditch pitch, they were spotted by Ron and Neville, who ran over to sit with them, bringing Hermione with them. McGonnagal excused herself to go and sit with the teachers. Mary was very excited to meet Hermione and the two sat talking animatedly until the whistle blew and the game began. The Gryffindor team walked out first and Mary sighed, “Oh, he looks so small.”</p><p>“He’ll be fine.” Sirius said gruffly. “He’s the best flyer I’ve seen.”</p><p>“Fred and George said he’s doing really well in training.” Ron piped up.</p><p>The whistle blew again and the game began. Sirius grinned widely. It had been too long since he had watched the scarlet robes of the Gryffindor team streak across the sky and even longer since he had had someone specific to cheer for. Harry spotted the snitch early on, and Sirius’ eyes barely left his figure as he zipped around the pitch, chasing the small gold ball. However, all of a sudden, Harry’s broom lurched unnaturally and he almost fell off of it. He clambered back on, but the broom moved again. “Someone’s cursed the broom.” Remus gasped.</p><p>Sirius scowled. “That’s Dark Magic.”</p><p>Ron nudged Hermione. “Look at Snape.”</p><p>Sirius tore his worried gaze away from Harry and over at Snape whose lips were moving a mile a minute, clearly uttering a spell. He moved to draw his wand, but Remus put his hand out to stop him. “Not here, you can’t.”</p><p>“He’s going to kill him.” Sirius growled.</p><p>“No. He’s not. Come on, we’ll get closer.” Remus said, moving through the stands. “That way, if he falls we can make sure he floats.”</p><p>“Mary, stop Snape. I don’t care how you do it, just do it.” Sirius demanded, before hurrying away.</p><p>Mary stopped, a little put out, and then narrowed her eyes and turned back to the kids. “Hermione, I have it on good authority that you’re a dab hand at spells.”</p><p>“Well I-…”</p><p>“I’m too big to get under the stands now, but when I was your age I could fit underneath them. I want you to go and do something to distract Snape from what he’s doing without being seen. Got it?”</p><p>“Got it.” Hermione saluted the older witch and scampered away into the crowd.</p><p>Mary hurried after Sirius and Remus, overtaking them in her haste to reach Harry. “Mary I told you to stop Snape. Mary? MARY-…”</p><p>“I’M HANDLING IT, PADFOOT.” She snapped. “Now shut up and keep your eyes on that broom.”</p><p>Harry toppled forward again and was soon clinging to the broom with just his hands, the rest of his body dangling below it. Mary screamed and the crowds pushed forward to get a better look at the spectacle. “That’s it.” Sirius said firmly. “I’m going to have to go out there.”</p><p>“Where are the teachers?” Mary asked, straining to look at the stands. “Why aren’t they doing anything?”</p><p>“Calm down, both of you.” Remus insisted. “Look, the twins are under him if he falls and-…” His voice trailed off as he turned to look at a commotion in the stands. “What’s happening over there.”</p><p>“Oh my god, Snape’s on fire!” Sirius cried out, though there was a hint of entertainment in his voice. Snape had leapt to his feet, dancing flames over the heads of those in front of him.</p><p>“Mary what did you do?” Demanded Remus, though he seemed slightly impressed.</p><p>“Nothing! I told her to distract him not burn the bloody place to the ground.”</p><p>“Told who?”</p><p>“Um…”</p><p>Remus narrowed his eyes at her. “Where’s Hermione?”</p><p>“We have bigger problems right now, Remus. He’s going to fall.” As if it had heard her, Harry’s broom gave a final lurch and the boy went careening over the side of it. The crowd erupted in horrified screams, with the notable exception of the Slytherin onlookers.</p><p>Sirius leapt the barrier of the pitch and landed heavily in the sand, lifting his wand and performing a levitation charm seconds before Harry would otherwise have hit the ground. Instead, he floated gently to the ground. “Harry? Are you alright? What happened up there? Harry?” The boy looked as though he was going to be sick. His body convulsed and his hands flew to his mouth. However, instead of vomiting, he produced a shiny gold ball from his lips. The snitch. “You caught it! He caught the bloody snitch!” Sirius whooped and the Gryffindor crowd screamed with delight as the commentator announced the win.</p><p>“What are you guys doing here?” Harry asked as Remus and Mary joined them in the centre of the pitch.</p><p>“We came to watch the game.” Remus told him with a smirk. “It’s a good thing we did.”</p><p>“I’m alright.”</p><p>“I can’t believe you caught the snitch in your mouth.” Cackled Ron, as he, Hermione and Neville, caught up to them. “That’s gotta be the coolest way anyone’s ever won a game of Quidditch.”</p><p>Harry grinned. “Thanks!”</p><p>“Can we focus please?” Mary squeaked. “I mean, well done, of course! But what was going on with that broom?”</p><p>“It was Snape.” Sirius said simply, though Harry could tell he was angry. “We saw him.”</p><p>“Hold on, Padfoot. We can’t prove it and I don’t think accusing Harry’s teachers of trying to kill him is a great way to start off guardian-teacher relationships.” Remus said.</p><p>“So we just let him get away with it?”</p><p>“Do you seriously think Dumbledore would be letting Snape teach here if he thought that Snape held any kind of grudge against Harry.”</p><p>“He does hold a grudge against me.” Harry cried out. “He’s always picking on me in class.”</p><p>“There’s a difference between taking points away from you for silly things and trying to murder you, Harry.”</p><p>“Here comes McGonnagal,” Hissed Mary. “What are we going to say?”</p><p>Remus turned to his friend. “Sirius?”</p><p>“Fine, have it your way.” Sirius said grumpily, helping Harry to his feet. “But if anything like this happens again, on your head be it.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The last weeks of Harry’s first term at Hogwarts flew past. Both Mary and Remus were working almost full-time as the business of the Christmas period required more hands, though Remus had to content himself with working in Diagon Alley whilst Mary continued with her job at the Ministry. Meanwhile, Sirius rattled around the big old house, missing Harry, and trying to find something to entertain him until his godson came home for the Christmas holidays.</p><p>Mary and Remus would not be at the station to collect Harry when it pulled into Kings Cross a few days before Christmas, although they would see him back at the house that evening. This meant that they wouldn’t see Neville before Christmas, as he and his grandmother were going to France for the holidays. Mary’s Christmas present for him came a few days before they were due to leave for the holidays. It was a thick, leather-bound herbology book, which Neville carried with him everywhere in the last days of school. He was so deeply immersed in it that Harry and Ron barely saw him before it was time for them to all climb back aboard the Hogwarts Express and go home.</p><p>Christmas was held that year at Sirius’ house and upon picking Harry up from the station, the two of them spent every waking moment decorating it in anticipation of the Weasleys’ arrival on Christmas Eve. They arrived, as they always did, in a gaggle of noise and warmth, and mounds of presents and food were loaded onto Harry, Remus, Sirius and Mary from all directions.</p><p>“How’s work going, Bill?” Sirius asked with a chuckle, putting a pile of presents under the Christmas tree for the next morning.</p><p>“Really well! Thanks again for putting in a word for me, Sirius.”</p><p>“The Black name isn’t good for much but it’s good for that.” Sirius smirked. “I’m glad it’s working out.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Late into the afternoon on Christmas day, Remus was napping on the living room sofa. All the presents had been opened and he was wrapped in his new jumper with an ‘R’ emblazoned on the front in silver wool. The Christmas lunch had stuffed everyone into a stupor and they’d retreated to various corners of the house to sleep it off. However, a quiet voice jolted Remus awake. “Remus?”</p><p>“Hmm?” The wizard responded, his eyes half-closed as though his mind was straddling the realm between awake and dreaming.</p><p>“If you wanted to find out about something, something magic, that wasn’t anywhere in the school library… Where else might you look for it?”</p><p>Remus narrowed his eyes at Harry. “What kind of magic is it?”</p><p>“Nothing bad!” Harry replied a little too quickly.</p><p>Remus hesitated. “Well if I was looking for it in a school library, say, theoretically Hogwarts library, then I’d start by looking at the index cards, maybe ask Madam Pince-…”</p><p>“We did that already.” Harry rushed again before he could stop himself. “Well not asking Pince... she wouldn’t understand.”</p><p>“Well since it seems you don’t want me to know what you’re up to, then my final piece of advice would be to try the Restricted Section.”</p><p>“But we’re not allowed-…”</p><p>“Neither was I,” Remus cut him off with a smirk. “But I happened to be best friend’s with a guy that had an Invisibility Cloak…”</p><p>“The Cloak…” Harry breathed. “Of course!”</p><p>“Harry, I’m not going to ask you what you’re looking for or why, I have some guesses that might not be far off, and I’m not going to tell you not to do this. So, will you promise me one thing, since I’m being so accommodating?” Harry nodded. “Be careful, don’t do anything that will put you in unnecessary danger. I’m not sure Sirius could take the stress. And pass that message on to Ron and Hermione as well, and if Neville’s tagging along make sure someone’s watching him at all times.”</p><p>“How did you know-…”</p><p>“I’ve known you a very long time, Harry, and I knew your father equally well, if not even better. I know what it looks like when a Potter is up to no good and I know what it looks like when a Potter lies. But most recognisable is the look of a Potter trying to keep his friends out of trouble by putting himself in the firing line.”</p><p>“Thanks, Remus.”</p><p>“My pleasure. If you need any help just write and let me know, and you might want to warn Sirius ahead of time if you think he’s going to get any concerned letters from McGonagall about you.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Neville and Augusta arrived home from their holidays the day before the kids were due back at Hogwarts. After visiting his parents to wish them a belated Merry Christmas, Augusta dropped Neville off at the Burrow so that he could travel back to school with Harry and the Weasleys.</p><p>Neville was visibly nervous at the prospect of going back to school. When Mary asked him what was bothering him, he revealed that he was sick of being bullied by Draco Malfoy and embarrassed in Potions classes by Snape. “Neville, Sweetheart, don’t worry yourself. You’re worth twelve of Malfoy, of anybody that makes you feel bad. You’ve got a good heart, that’s worth more than any level of strength or intelligence.”</p><p>“Won’t help you much in a physical fight, but in regards to the big picture-…”</p><p>“Wow, thanks for the help, Sirius.” Mary muttered.</p><p>“Well, it’s okay… Malfoy didn’t look like much of a hands-on guy anyway. You just gotta keep being a great person, Neville.”</p><p>Neville looked unconvinced but said nothing more and joined in on a rowdy game of Exploding Snap with the others.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next morning, the Weasleys, Harry, Neville, Sirius, Remus and Mary loaded themselves up into Mr Weasley’s car and drove to the station. Sirius’ mood was low. He knew that Christmas break was never going to feel long enough, but he dreaded the thought of Harry leaving him again. He had something on his mind, that much was clear, but he didn’t feel comfortable enough to share it with Sirius. Is this what it was going to be like from now on? Was Harry going to push him away more and more as he entered adolescence? Sirius wasn’t sure he was ready for that. He didn’t want to lose Harry. Not yet.</p><p>Once they’d entered the barrier and everyone else moved to climb aboard the train, Sirius caught Harry by the shoulder and hugged him tight. “Now you know if you need me-...”</p><p>“You’ll be there.” Harry grinned. “I know.”</p><p>“Good. I love you, mate.”</p><p>“Love you too.” Harry hugged Mary and Remus tightly and then hurried to catch up with his friends. The train whistled and a moment later it was pulling away and Harry was gone.</p>
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<a name="section0032"><h2>32. chapter thirty-two.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dear Sirius,</p><p>Harry is acting really weird. I wouldn’t usually tell on him like this, but I’m quite worried about him. While we were looking for -------</p><p>This section was crossed out so violently, Ron’s quill had stuck through the parchment and torn a small hole in it.</p><p>Harry found a big mirror that shows you what you want to see. Since then, he’s gone to sit in front of it every single night and he keeps showing up late for breakfast because he’s so tired. Hermione says it’s not healthy.</p><p>Anyway, just thought you should know.</p><p>Ron.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Sirius turned to the corner towards the Gryffindor Common Room and was pleased to find Ron, Hermione and Neville, about to step through the portrait-hole. “Ron? Where is he?”</p><p>“With that bloody mirror again.” Ron hissed. “He’s obsessed with it, he’s been down there every night this week and we’re supposed to be looking for-…” A well-aimed sharp poke with Hermione’s elbow cut Ron off and he flushed pink as he looked up at Sirius. “Our robes… The House-Elves lost them when they took them away to wash. Personally I think they nicked them but-…”</p><p>“Do you know the way to the mirror?” Hermione interrupted Ron’s blathering.</p><p>“I think so, but I need to talk to Dumbledore about something first. You three go to bed before I get in trouble for making you break school rules.”</p><p>“I don’t think you’ll be the one being blamed for it.” Muttered Hermione, before tugging on Ron’s arm to make him walk with her back to Gryffindor Tower.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Harry’s eyes were trained on the mirror, as if in a trance. Sirius called his name tentatively, expecting the boy to turn and run to him, as he had done when he was a child. This time, however, it was as if Harry didn’t even hear him. As Sirius drew closer his eyes fell on the images in the mirror and his knees almost buckled beneath him as he saw them, smiling and waving at him. James and Lily, Harry by their side. Marlene to the left, smirking at him as she used to when he had said something she didn’t want to find funny but did. James’ eyes flickered with recognition and he began to grin at Sirius. “Padfoot!” He exclaimed, wrapping his arm a little tighter around Lily as if to show her that he’d found their friend at last. “What took you so long?”</p><p>“Prongs…” Sirius smiled and felt himself stumble closer to the image. But as he did, he noticed the way their smiles were unmoving, their eyes glassed over in a way they had never been when they were alive.</p><p>He waited a few seconds before James grinned again, holding Lily close. “Padfoot! What took you so lo-…” He repeated, but Sirius cut him off before he could say anything more. With a deep breath, Sirius threw the cloth over the mirror, hiding his friends.</p><p>He turned to look at Harry, who avoided his gaze guiltily. “Dumbledore is going to move this. Tonight.” Sirius said slowly, still in shock from what he had seen. “It’s going to be hidden. You won’t be allowed to look at it again. Harry.”</p><p>“Why not?” Harry whispered, and Sirius realised, with a jolt, that he was crying.</p><p>“Because we can’t live in the past, mate, even if it feels so much better than the present. Men have gone mad looking at the mirror, I can’t let you waste away here.”</p><p>“I miss them.” Harry croaked. “I never knew them, but I miss them.”</p><p>“I know you do. And I know you think that looking at the mirror is going to help you get to know them, but the mirror lies, Harry. They’re not really there, that’s not them, it’s just a trick. It’s not healthy…”</p><p>“I know. But it makes me feel better.”</p><p>“It’s an illusion. Please come away now.”</p><p>“I kept meaning to stop, Sirius." Harry's voice wavered and Sirius was sure he was about to cry. "I wasn’t going to keep coming back, or at least not so often. I knew it was bad but it felt-…”</p><p>“Like you were really talking to them. I know. Come on, mate. Let’s go.” With a last, longing look towards the now-covered mirror, Harry did as he was told and allowed his godfather to wrap his arms around his shoulders and lead him out of the room. “Dumbledore’s given permission for you to come home for a few days, if you want.”</p><p>“That’s okay." Harry shook his head. "I’d like to, but I just got back from Christmas and I need to keep looking for-…” He trailed off and shot a guilty look at Sirius.</p><p>Sirius smirked, glad Harry seemed back to his old self. “I won’t ask, Ron already almost spilled the beans and Hermione almost put her elbow right through his ribcage trying to keep him quiet. Just whatever it is, be safe and don’t get caught.”</p><p>“Words to live by.” Harry nodded. “I know, Remus already told me.”</p><p>“He’s dying to know what it is you’re doing. He thinks he’d be able to help. Sure you don’t want to give me a hint?”</p><p>“I don’t think you’d approve.” Mumbled Harry. </p><p>“Is it really that bad?”</p><p>Harry shrugged and chewed thoughtfully on his bottom lip. “I don’t know yet, I’m trying to work it out.”</p><p>“Well, alright. Just let me know if you need me, okay?”</p><p>“I will. Thanks, Sirius.”</p><p>“And Harry, I mean it. Don’t go looking for the mirror again.”</p><p>Harry nodded sadly. “I promise.”</p><p>Sirius walked Harry back to the Gryffindor portrait-hole and then walked himself to McGonnagal’s office to use her fireplace to get home. When he walked into his own kitchen, he found Mary waiting for him at the kitchen table. “How did it go? Did you find him?”</p><p>“Yeah… I found him. He was looking into the mirror.”</p><p>“Did you look into it too?”</p><p>Sirius opened his mouth, but for several seconds he found he produce no sound. Finally, he whispered hoarsely, “Mary, it was like… Like they saw me for who I really am… , and they were… like proud of me or something. The way they were smiling at me and welcoming me and-… Was it really all an illusion?”</p><p>“I wouldn’t say that.”</p><p>“What would you say?”</p><p>She paused for a moment, mulling over her answer. “I have always imagined that dead people are extraordinarily honest. They have the ability to see things from absolutely all sides and they can judge it however they want. And they would have been proud of you, no matter what. They see you for the person you are and they love you for it.”</p><p>“But the people in the mirror don’t exist, Dumbledore said so.”</p><p>“And he’s right. But that doesn’t mean that James and Lily don’t exist anymore, somewhere at least. They’re waiting for us somewhere, but they don’t want us to be in any kind of rush to get to them. They’re just enjoying the show, together, watching their boy grow and loving him everyday.”</p><p>“I like that idea.” Sirius smiled sadly.</p><p>“Did Harry tell you what he was looking for?”</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “I didn’t push him on it. I just hope it’s nothing that’s gonna get him into any more trouble.”</p>
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<a name="section0033"><h2>33. chapter thirty-three.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius' eyes were starting to blear as he stared at Harry’s pale, unconscious face. It felt like days since Dumbledore had sent word that Harry was in the hospital wing, that he had come face to face with Voldemort and nearly died doing it. In reality, it had merely been hours.</p><p>He had heard from Harry only sporadically as the Spring term had picked up pace and he had assumed it was because the boy had had a lot of schoolwork to do. Today he had learnt that in reality Harry and his friends had been trying to find the Philosopher’s Stone before someone else did. They had thought it was their Potions Professor; in reality, it had been Voldemort.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Harry stirred, opened his eyes groggily and was surprised to see Sirius sitting in a chair beside his bed. Except it wasn't his bed, it was a hospital bed. He was in the Hospital Wing. But how had he got here?</p><p>“Hey, mate.” Sirius whispered, leaning forward. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>Harry looked around, confusion clouding his pale face. “Fine... what are you doing here?”</p><p>“Dumbledore summoned us when they found you.”</p><p>“Us?” Harry prompted hopefully.</p><p>“Remus and Mary are here too, but it’s late so I sent them to get some rest.”</p><p>“You should be sleeping too.”</p><p>“And miss being here when you woke up? Sirius smirked, though his tired eyes were bloodshot. “Absolutely not. I’ll sleep when I’m dead. So really, how are you feeling?”</p><p>“Okay, I think…” Harry mumbled. “A bit weird.”</p><p>“That’s to be expected. You’ve been through a lot.”</p><p>“It was him, Padfoot.” Harry hissed. “It was actually him.”</p><p>Sirius nodded. “I know.” It terrified him to admit it, but there was no denying it was real.</p><p>“I guess the Snitch was wrong.” Harry muttered, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. “I’m not ready yet. I still need protection.”</p><p>“And you have it.” Sirius reminded him. “But the Snitch was not wrong, Harry. If you hadn’t been ready, you would be dead. I’m starting to think you’ve always been ready, deep down.”</p><p>“I’d be dead if it wasn’t for Ron and Hermione.” Harry argued.</p><p>Sirius shrugged. “Sometimes, admitting that you need help with something, or at the very least, acknowledging the fact that you don’t always have to face things on your own, is the smartest and the bravest thing you can do.”</p><p>“Sirius?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I-… I don’t want you to die for me.” Harry whispered, his voice cracking as the tears that had been welling spilt out over his waterline. Sirius’ heart broke as he looked at the boy, before pulling him in close.</p><p>“Hey, hey. It’s okay, you don’t need to worry about me, mate.” He promised, pressing a kiss to the top of Harry’s head. “I can take care of myself. But you know… Harry, if anything ever happens to me and you think it’s your fault I want you to remember something. Some things are worth dying for, and the person you love most in the world is one of those things.”</p><p>Harry sniffed and changed the subject. “Are Ron, Hermione and Neville okay?”</p><p>“Right as rain,” Sirius grinned. “They’re back in their own beds already.”</p><p>“Are you angry at me?”</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>“For doing all of this.”</p><p>“Harry, you defeated Voldemort… again! I’m immensely proud of you. I wish you had shared what you were doing with me, if only because I might have been able to help you, but I’m not angry with you.”</p><p>A few hours later, as the dawn began to stir, Mary arrived in the hospital wing. Sirius had fallen asleep beside Harry on the bed but woke when she pulled back the curtain. She was wearing an oversized flannel nightdress that was both far too big and far too short for her. “What the hell are you wearing?” He asked her, his voice gruff from his short slumber.</p><p>“It’s Sprout’s.” She giggled. “She caught me on the way up the stairs and insisted that sleeping in jeans isn’t healthy.” Spying Sirius’ raised eyebrow she rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I had time to pack PJ’s, Padfoot!”</p><p>“That’s true, I guess.” He chuckled.</p><p>“How is he? Has he woken up yet?”</p><p>“For a little while,” Sirius glanced down at Harry and moved a strand of his dark hair off his forehead. “But he’s so exhausted.”</p><p>“Poor little Fawn.” Mary whispered, sinking down on the end of Harry’s bed. “He’s so young to have faced something like that.”</p><p>“He’ll be alright.” Sirius said fiercely. “I’m going to get him through it.”</p><p>“We’re going to get him through it.” Mary corrected him gently.</p><p>When Madam Pomfrey came to check on her patient the next morning, she was surprised to find he was still asleep but was now surrounded by people. Sirius was still lying beside Harry, his arm thrown over his head as he snored gently. Mary was curled up in a ball at the base of the bed, while Remus, who had wandered back down not long after Mary, had taken Sirius’ spot in the armchair and was dozing with his arms crossed over his chest and his legs up on the bed. Harry stirred as Madam Pomfrey placed a fresh jug of water on his nightstand. He blinked at her, looking a little confused. “It’s alright, Potter.” She smiled. “Looks like you’re being well taken care of.”</p><p>Harry looked around his cubicle and grinned. “Yeah.” He said. “I am.”</p>
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<a name="section0034"><h2>34. chapter thirty-four.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A tinny ringing sound echoed through the almost empty house and Harry ran down the stairs to investigate. He sat himself down on the staircase as Mary wandered through the house and headed for the front door, a confused look on her face. Mary opened the door cautiously and was very surprised to see the person standing behind it. “Sorry to drop in unannounced.” Petunia Dursley said briskly, when Mary hadn’t said anything for several seconds.</p><p>“Oh no need to apologise.” Mary said hurriedly. “You did us a favour actually. We didn’t even know that we had a doorbell until you rang it.” She walked into the house, leaving the door open for Petunia to follow her.</p><p>“Then how-… Never mind.”</p><p>“Um, cup of tea Petunia?”</p><p>“Yes alright, thank you.” Mary led her into the kitchen, and Harry stayed on the bottom step, straining his ears to listen to what was being said. “You haven’t changed, Mary.”</p><p>“I assure you I have.” Mary laughed. “Time can be a bitch.”</p><p>“Perhaps on the inside we both have, more than we might realise.”</p><p>“How did you get here?” Mary asked lightly.</p><p>“I drove. Vernon’s company recently gave him a promotion and he was given a car as one of the perks, so now I have the Peugeot.” Harry peered around the corner and found himself smiling as he looked upon the scene before him. In terms of appearance, the two women were in complete contrast. Petunia wore a pale pink linen suit, her blonde hair curled elegantly under her chin. Her cup of tea, served in the nice china from the forgotten dining room cabinet that had belonged to Sirius’ aunt, which Mary had hastily washed out and served on the only saucer she could find, which happened to have a long crack down the middle of it. Mary on the other hand had curled herself up onto the sofa, her denim-clad legs beneath her as she held her favourite mug in both hands and tried not to slurp the tea inside. But they were united in one thing; they had both known and loved Lily Potter, and they missed her.</p><p>Mary sipped her tea and said awkwardly, “Sirius and Remus won’t be long-…”</p><p>“I don’t think I’ll stay to meet with them.” Petunia said briskly. “Mr Black in particular never really warmed to me. Don’t worry, I understand why. I came at this time because I knew you’d be here, Harry had mentioned that Wednesdays were the day for it because Mr Black and Mr Lupin would both be out, and I’ve always found you more agreeable than Lily’s other friends from your world.”</p><p>“The time for what?”</p><p>“To drop by. I have something for Harry that I’d like to give him without hearing snarky comments from Mr Black.”</p><p>“You can call him Sirius, Petunia.” Mary told her. “He wouldn’t mind. Besides, he’s grown up quite a lot since you last spoke to him, I promise.”</p><p>“Be that as it may I’d rather just pass these things on and be done with it.”</p><p>“I’ll get Harry for you then.” Mary moved to stand up but Petunia’s hand shot out to stop her, slopping tea down her skirt.</p><p>“No, no. That’s okay. I’ll just bring the box inside and leave it here for him. I don’t think he’ll want to talk any of it over with me and I’m not sure I’m ready to do it with him.”</p><p>“As you wish.” Mary followed Petunia to the front door again and watched her pull a shabby cardboard box from the boot of her car. She walked it back over and dropped it at Mary’s feet. “I’ll make sure he gets it.” Mary promised.</p><p>“Thank you. I appreciate that, Mary.” She turned to leave, but Mary put her arm out, her hand falling on Petunia’s bony shoulder. The older woman twisted away from her grip but did not continue walking. She took in Mary, who was smiling kindly, if a little sadly, with the old cardboard box balanced on her hip. In the darkness of the house’s corridor, Petunia caught a glimpse of some movement. Harry, moving to sit on the bottom stair. She realised he’d been there the whole time and did not stop Mary from speaking despite knowing who else was listening.</p><p>“Petunia, I hope we can be friends again.”</p><p>“We were never friends.” Petunia replied, more bitterly than she meant it. “You were my sister’s friend.”</p><p>“Don’t you remember that week I came to stay when Lily and I were fourteen? All three of us spent the week together, it was fun.”</p><p>“It doesn’t change the fact that you were Lily’s, not mine.” She wrenched her arm away from Mary. “You were from her world even if you were born into mine, just like she was. Besides, I knew you preferred her over me. Everybody does-… Did.”</p><p>“I just knew her better, we’d spent more time together.” Mary shrugged. “Petunia, I don’t know what you thought of Lily before she died, but I think it’s important to know how much you meant to her even as you grew apart. She doted on you, she always looked up to you. You were her big sister, you did everything first and you did it perfectly.”</p><p>“That’s not true.”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter if it’s actually the truth, she thought it was and that’s what mattered.”</p><p>Petunia sneered before she could stop herself. “Oh yes, the only thing that matters is what Lily thinks. I have to go, give the box to the boy.”</p><p>“His name is Harry, and I won’t let you pretend that you don’t love him because that’s what you did to Lily and it broke her heart. You think the truth matters? Well you loved her and you love him, and they have both loved you in return, that’s the truth.”</p><p>“Goodbye Mary.”</p><p>Mary watched as Petunia climbed into her immaculate car and turned as quickly as possible, speeding down the long dirt road leading to the house without ever looking back. Mary waited until the car was too far away to see before she hitched the box up more tightly in her grip and walked back inside, closing the door with her foot. As she did so, she caught sight of Harry waiting for her on the steps. “I think she thought I didn’t know you were here.” She mused, smiling at Harry to let him know that she wasn’t angry at him for eavesdropping. “I’m sure you will have gathered that this is for you.”</p><p>“I didn’t know you two knew each other.”</p><p>“I think it’s pretty clear that’s what your aunt wants you to think.”</p><p>“Why does she hate you?”</p><p>“Sweetheart, she doesn’t hate me, she resents me. She wanted what I had.”</p><p>“What did you have?”</p><p>“Magic, and your mother’s friendship. I was Muggle Born, just like Lily, just like Petunia, but unlike Petunia I was allowed to go to Hogwarts and be with Lily. Petunia was desperate to be magic, not because she wanted to do the tricks, but because it meant she wouldn’t have to be separated from Lily. To her, our world symbolises everything that went wrong between them. They spent months apart when Lily was away at school over their formative years, times when their bond should have only been strengthening.”</p><p>“Is that why she doesn’t like me?”</p><p>“She loves you in the same way she loved Lily, but she doesn’t understand the world you belong to. She didn’t like James because she thought that he was the thing that kept her in this world after she left Hogwarts, so when you came along she knew she wouldn’t ever get Lily back. But she wasted her time being bitter and mean to Lily as they got older because she was angry and jealous and didn’t know how to handle it. If she had just loved Lily for who and what she was, they would have been able to part ways as friends.”</p><p>“Did my mum die thinking Petunia hated her?”</p><p>“Oh Fawn, I don’t know all the ins and outs of it and it’s not my place to speculate. It’s possible, but Lily always thought she and Petunia would reconcile things, that’s why their will specified that, while Sirius was first choice for guardian in the case of their death, if anything happened to him you were to go to Petunia because she’s your godmother.”</p><p>“She wouldn’t have wanted me.”</p><p>“Then it’s just as well Sirius is healthy as a horse, isn’t it?”</p><p>“What do you think is in the box?”</p><p>“I don’t know… Why don’t you open it?”</p><p>Harry did just that, pulling off the thick brown tape pinning the top of the box down and ripping it open. Inside he found stacks of paperback books, mostly classics, and several framed photographs. There were also vinyl records and old clothes, plus a thick blanket on the very top. “Is all of this-...”</p><p>“Lily’s…” Mary breathed. She put her hand to her chest. “It even smells like her.” Harry lifted the blanket to his nose and inhaled deeply. A powdery floral scent filled his nostrils and he closed his eyes, willing it to be familiar. It didn’t ring any bells. Mary wiped her eyes on the back of her hand and rummaged around inside the box, inspecting books and photographs in turn. “Look, this must have been when they first got together.” Mary smiled, showing Harry a photo of his parents in their Hogwarts uniforms, pulling faces at the camera.</p><p>“Why did Petunia give me all this stuff?”</p><p>“She must have thought you’d want it. It’s a piece of your mother from before she was your mother. It’s pretty special.”</p><p>“I should thank her.”</p><p>“You can write her a letter if you want.”</p><p>“I think it would be better if I did it in person.” Mary agreed and the next day she flew Harry on the back of her broomstick to his aunt’s house. Petunia opened the door almost immediately and her mouth fell open when she saw who was at the door. Harry said nothing, just walked forward and wrapped his arms around her waist. A little stiffly, Petunia returned the hug, looking at the sky. It seemed to Mary like maybe she was trying not to cry. “Thank you, Aunt Petunia.” Harry said quickly, before turning and walking back to Mary’s side.</p><p>“See you around.” She called to Petunia, before taking hold of her broomstick and walking Harry away.</p><p>~~~</p><p>“You’ll never guess who Harry’s DADA teacher is going to be this year.” Mary said, her eyes widening as she skimmed the Hogwarts letter and subsequent book list that had just been delivered.</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“Gilderoy Lockhart!”</p><p>“What?” Sirius spluttered. “The author? What does that knob know about defensive spells?”</p><p>“Quite a lot apparently.” Mary replied smoothly. “Well, according to his millions of books on the subject. All of which, I’d like to point out, are on the book list for that particular class.”</p><p>Sirius snorted. “I bet he didn’t even write them.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t surprise me, and I’m not sure how much educational information is in them.” She shrugged. “They’re mostly about how heroic he is rather than any information on the creature he’s supposed to have discovered or destroyed or danced with.”</p><p>Sirius raised an eyebrow at her. “Oh my god… Mary MacDonald.”</p><p>“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”</p><p>“You’ve read them, haven’t you.” Sirius said, his eyes gleaming mischievously as he registered an opportunity to tease her mercilessly.</p><p>Mary rolled her eyes, familiar enough with the look Sirius had on his face to know how to extinguish his excitement. “I have not, I just know that-…”</p><p>“I bet you’ve read all of them, several times.” He interrupted.</p><p>“Don’t be so ridiculous-…”</p><p>“You’re his biggest fan, you’ve probably doodled Mary Lockhart in all of your diaries since you were thirteen.”</p><p>“Ooh, good spy name!” Remus remarked, walking into the kitchen and over to the coffee maker to pour himself a cup.</p><p>“First of all, I don’t even have a diary and second of all, Remus, don’t encourage him.”</p><p>“Encourage him in what?” Asked Harry, wandering in behind Remus.</p><p>“Making fun of Mary.” Explained Sirius.</p><p>“Oh no, sorry love but I’m definitely going to encourage anything that means he makes fun of me a little less.” Laughed Remus.</p><p>Mary rolled her eyes. “Traitor… Anyway, when are we going to Diagon Alley to get all this stuff?”</p><p>“Well, we’ll have to arrange it around your wedding to Lockhart-...” Sirius ducked out of the way as Mary threw a magazine at his head. “Alright, alright. How about tomorrow?”</p><p>She smiled. “It’s a date!”</p><p>~~~</p><p>A lewd man stuck his head out of the window and called out to Mary, whistling and groaning. Sirius and Remus both bristled and even Harry knew that what was happening was wrong. Mary ignored the man until she saw Sirius’ lips moving. “What are you doing?” She hissed, interrupting his train of thought and breaking off the spell midway.</p><p>“He’s about to lose control of that vehicle.”</p><p>“Don’t be an idiot.”</p><p>“He can’t talk to you that way Mary, I-…”</p><p>“Live on the streets for a bit, Sweetheart.” She replied grimly. “You’d be amazed at the way people can treat other people. Come on, we’re going to be late to meet the Weasleys.</p><p>They hurried on and came to the Leaky Cauldron. They cut through it and made their way into Diagon Alley, where they made a bee-line for the bookshop, Flourish and Blotts. The Weasleys were already inside, taking up a sizeable portion of an already very large crowd of people. “What’s going on?” Remus asked as someone shoved Molly into him. Sirius reached down and held tight to Ginny, making sure she didn’t get trampled.</p><p>“Gilderoy Lockhart is doing a signing!” Molly squeaked. “The children can get their textbooks signed, isn’t that exciting?”</p><p>Sirius leaned over to Harry. “Don’t get your books signed by your teacher, it would be very weird.”</p><p>Harry nodded solemnly but then a raucous applause erupted from further towards the front of the crowd and he turned away from Sirius. “Look Mary, there he is!” Harry said, craning his neck to look at his teacher.</p><p>“Your future husband.” Sirius whispered teasingly in her ear, before groaning as a sharp elbow jab landed on his rib cage.</p><p>Gilderoy Lockhart spent several minutes greeting the crowd and posing for media photographs before pointing his wand at his throat and beginning to speak about his book. At this point, the crowd shifted, and their group was shoved almost to the front. Lockhart’s eyes fixed on Harry and widened, gleaming greedily. Sirius noticed immediately and seized Harry, pushing him behind him and through the crowd. “Ow, where are we going? Sirius, I need to get my books.”</p><p>“Mary will get them for you, mate. We don’t need any pictures of you on the front page of the Prophet. Let’s go get an ice cream and wait for the others there.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. chapter thirty-five.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following week, it was almost time for Harry to return to Hogwarts for his second year. Harry tramped up to bed late that night, exhausted and a little skittish as he prepared himself for the return to school the next day. The previous year had ended dramatically, to say the least, and he hoped that this one would be slightly easier than the last. He pulled on his pyjamas and moved his packed trunk from his bed to the floor and climbed under the sheets. He was just reaching for his book, Quidditch Through The Ages, which he liked to read just before he dropped off, when there was a large cracking sound and a small house elf appeared on the end of Harry’s bed. Harry jumped violently and barely stifled a scream. He heard the sound of voices beneath him in the house and realised that Sirius, Remus and Mary hadn’t heard anything and were yet to go to bed themselves.</p><p>“Who are you?” Harry demanded.</p><p>The little creature blinked slowly, looking around the room. Then he bowed low over his feet. “My name is Dobby, Harry Potter, sir.”</p><p>“What are you?”</p><p>"A house-elf, Harry Potter, sir."</p><p>"Please don't call me Sir. What are you doing in my bedroom?"</p><p>~~~</p><p>Sirius was just finishing off the night’s dishes when he heard a loud bang above him, coming from Harry’s room. Mary and Remus had pottered off to their beds half an hour earlier and Sirius frowned at the noise. Putting the last of the plates away, he headed up stairs. As he drew closer he heard a frustrated huffing sound and yet another loud noise.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Harry slung Dobby into his wardrobe with a loud thud, just as a gentle knock sounded on his bedroom door. A second later, Sirius stepped into the room. “You’re supposed to be asleep, mate, it’s gone midnight.”</p><p>“Yeah I know I was just-…”</p><p>“Just?”</p><p>“Looking for something.” Harry lied, surprised at how easily it came to him. “I don’t want to leave it behind when we leave tomorrow.”</p><p>“Well, what is it?" Sirius took a step into the room. "I’ll help you look.”</p><p>“No that’s alright-…” Harry rushed, leaping into bed and burrowing under his covers. “You’re right, it’s late. I’ll look for it in the morning.”</p><p>“Okay then… Night Harry.”</p><p>“Goodnight.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next morning, Sirius had to wake Harry from a deep slumber and scolded him for staying up so late the night before. Harry didn’t say anything, just yawned heartily and stumbled to the bathroom to shower. An hour later, he was ready and they used the Floo Network to go to the Burrow. Arthur Weasley had borrowed a Ministry car to deliver all of the kids to the station, since with Ginny and Neville coming with them, it was going to be too difficult to keep everyone together.</p><p>When they arrived at the station, Sirius, Remus and Arthur pulled all of their trunks out of the back of the car and loaded them onto trolleys. Ginny was put to the front of the group, with Fred and George standing on either side of her so she wouldn’t get lost in the crowd. Neville hurried after them, worried that he would get separated. Remus and Mary were deep in conversation, and so followed the rest of the Weasleys through the barrier without so much as a glance back. Harry and Ron were next in line, with Sirius following behind them. “Oh, I left something in the car.” He called out to Harry and Ron. “Go straight through and stick with the others, I’ll be there in a second.” While he jogged back in the direction of the car park, Harry and Ron glanced cautiously around to make sure nobody was watching them and then sprinted towards the brick wall. However, instead of sailing through it as everyone else had done, they hit the wall hard with their trolleys and ricocheted off. They lay sprawled on the floor for a moment, totally winded, before the stares of passers-by prompted them to stand up and dust themselves off. “What are you doing?” Sirius asked crossly, arriving back beside them. “You’ll miss the train, let’s go through the barrier.”</p><p>Harry rolled his eyes. “Funnily enough, we thought of that already.”</p><p>“What?” Sirius snapped, striding over to the wall. “Harry, don’t be smart, we don’t have time for this.”</p><p>“We can’t get through the barrier, Sirius.” Ron called after him.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s sealed itself up or something.” Harry added. “And not that it matters, but I thought I was going to school for the purpose of being smart.”</p><p>Sirius shook his head.“That’s impossible.”</p><p>“Rude.”</p><p>“Not the smart thing, you’re very clever Harry, well done to you.” Sirius congratulated him sarcastically. “I mean the barrier, it can’t have sealed itself.”</p><p>“Try it for yourself.”</p><p>Hesitantly, Sirius put his hand to the barrier and his eyes widened as he found that the boys were right and he had no way of pushing himself through it.</p><p>“Sirius, if we can’t get through does that mean the others can’t get back?” Asked Ron anxiously.</p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>“How are we going to get to school?” Harry added.</p><p>“I don’t know.” He repeated. “We’ll have to wait and see if the others get back through. If they’re not here in an hour then we’ll work on a plan. Worse comes to worst we’ll take the car.”</p><p>“Fly to school?”</p><p>Now it was Sirius’ turn to roll his eyes. “Are you crazy? No way, we’d be seen and I’d get arrested. No, we’ll take the car home and send a letter to the school letting them know what’s happened.”</p><p>“What about my family?” Ron squeaked.</p><p>“Ron, they’ll be fine.” Sirius reassured him. “Even if they are stuck for now, they’re all top-rate wizards and witches, they’ll figure something out and they’re all together. I doubt they’ll even stay on the other side for much longer, they’re probably waiting for us to go through. When they realise we’re not coming, they’ll come looking for us. Even if the barrier stays sealed and they can’t come through the normal way, Remus or Mary will know some bizarre spell to force it open.”</p><p>They waited for around twenty minutes before finally Remus, Mary, Molly and Arthur reappeared on their side of the platform, all grey-faced and worried looking. “The barrier must have sealed up behind us.” Remus said, putting a hand on Harry’s head, as though checking the boy was still there. “We couldn’t get back for ages.”</p><p>“We don’t know what happened to it.” Ron said, allowing his mother to hug him tight.</p><p>“As long as everyone’s alright, it doesn’t really matter.” Arthur assured him.</p><p>“Can you give us a lift back to the Burrow?” Sirius asked. “I’ll take the kids via Floo to McGonnagal’s fireplace at the school.”</p><p>“Good idea.”</p><p>An hour later, Sirius, Harry and Ron rolled out onto McGonnagal’s tartan rug, their trunks making the fit a little tight. She screamed and leapt to her feet, only to collapse back into her chair again with her hand on her chest. “What on earth are you doing, Sirius?” She cried out.</p><p>“Sorry Professor. We had a bit of trouble with the barrier at Kings Cross.”</p><p>McGonagall rolled her eyes. “Of course you did. Well, the train won’t be here for hours yet. I suggest you two go up to your dormitory, I’ll have the house elves bring you up something for lunch.”</p><p>“Thank you, Professor.” Harry and Ron chorused. Sirius hugged them both goodbye and watched them drag their trunks from the room.</p><p>“So,” McGonnagal said, raising an eyebrow at Sirius. “The barrier?”</p><p>“Wouldn’t open for us. No idea what happened.”</p><p>“Do you think it has something to do with Harry?”</p><p>“I hope not. Hogwarts is the safest place in the world for him. Someone not wanting him to come back here doesn’t bode too well, does it?”</p><p>“I’ll keep a close eye.” She promised.</p><p>“Thanks, Professor.” Sirius grinned. “Can I have a biscuit?”</p><p>McGonagall smirked and pushed the tartan tin towards him. “Help yourself and get out of my office. I have lesson plans to do.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>After dinner and the Sorting Ceremony, Harry and Ron joined his sister and Neville in the Gryffindor Common Room. “Hello Ginny!” Hermione said excitedly, coming over to join them. “How are you finding it all so far?"</p><p>“Fine, yeah.” Ginny nodded with a grin.</p><p>“Have you made any friends?”</p><p>“Hermione, would you relax?” Ron scolded her. “It’s only the first day. Besides, she doesn’t need friends right away, she has all of us so-…”</p><p>“Actually I did meet a Ravenclaw girl called Luna who seems very nice.”</p><p>“You made a friend?” Ron exploded. “And they’re not even in Gryffindor? Ginny you’re such a traitor I can’t-…”</p><p>“Ronald, it’s important to keep up good relationships between the houses. As for it only being the first day, we only met on the first day last year-…”</p><p>“Yeah and look at how that worked out.”</p><p>“What a horrid thing to say, Ron.”</p><p>“He’s just winding you up, Hermione.” Neville told her kindly.</p><p>Hermione’s pout persisted. “Even still…”</p><p>“Luna’s lovely.” Ginny insisted. “And no one else wanted to talk to her.”</p><p>She had a chance to prove just how lovely her new friend was the next morning at breakfast. Although Luna Lovegood was in Ravenclaw, Ginny sought permission from Professor McGonnagal (a bold move from First Year) to let Luna join her, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Neville at the Gryffindor table. The girl moved slowly towards them when Ginny beckoned and when she arrived she smiled at them dreamily, her pale watery eyes latching onto each of them in turn. Ginny narrowed her eyes at Ron, as though daring him to say something rude to Luna, but all he could find the will to utter was, “Nice to meet you.”</p><p>As they ate, they found that although Luna had some unusual thoughts about the world, she really was very nice and quite a calming presence in their midst. They learnt that her mother had died when she was still very young and that her father had brought her up on his own. “He’s the editor of the Quibbler.” Luna said brightly, rummaging in her back and withdrawing a brightly-coloured magazine. “Would you like one? I’ve been offering them out to try and make friends but nobody seems to want them.”</p><p>“Um, yes. Alright.” Hermione said kindly, but as Luna held it out towards her, it suddenly burst into flames. A squawk of laughter from the Slytherin table, made Harry turn and saw Draco Malfoy pointing his wand at Luna. He smirked meanly as the Quibbler burnt, its blackened paper curling up into an ashy scroll. “Drop it before it burns you, Luna.” Hermione urged the girl, conjuring a bowl of water and pushing it towards Luna, but the girl stared sadly at the magazine until the flames had completely consumed it, licking their way over her fingertips.</p><p>Finally, as if only just feeling the pain, Luna emitted a surprised “Oh…” and submerged the Quibbler in the bowl.</p><p>“I’ll kill him.” Growled Ron and moved as if to stand up, while Hermione peered at Luna’s singed fingers, conjuring a second bowl for her to soak them in. Harry put his arm on Ron’s shoulder and planted him firmly back down on his spot at the table. “What are you doing?” Ron protested, shrugging off Harry’s grip.</p><p>“You might not need to kill him.” Harry said simply.</p><p>“I’m not going to let him treat-…”</p><p>“…-I think Ginny’s going to get there first.” Concluded Harry, his eyes widening as he watched the younger witch storm across the Great Hall.</p><p>“What? Ginny? Oi, Ginny stop!” Ron yelled, and at least half of the Gryffindor table, although, granted, many of them were made up of Ginny’s immediate family or close family friends, turned to watch as the little girl strode over to the Slytherin table and pointed her wand at Malfoy’s face.</p><p>“Think that’s funny, do you?” She challenged him. As Malfoy took in the wand he hesitated, but noting the person holding it he visibly relaxed again and smiled tauntingly at her. His hand rested loosely on his own wand, laid out on the table. Harry couldn’t hear the rest of their exchange, because Hermione was fussing over Luna’s hand and had not yet realised that Ginny had left their table, but he watched as Malfoy’s grip gradually tightened on his wand and his body turned to face Ginny more squarely, though he was still seated.</p><p>“He’s going to jinx her.” Harry garbled suddenly, his voice panicked. This time, it was he that stood, his body curving as he prepared to strike from across the room, or else spring into a run towards the exchange. Ron nodded wordlessly, his face pale and clammy, unable to either move or tear his eyes away from his sister, who looked so small and vulnerable, despite her strong stance, against the magnitude of the Slytherin table and its defensive inhabitants.</p><p>Hermione looked up at the sound of Harry’s voice, and her startled eyes sprang open as they fell upon the scene playing out at the Slytherin table, which was starting to gain attention from many students in the different houses. “We need a teacher.” Hermione said sensibly. “Someone needs to stop her.”</p><p>“No way,” Ron said, finding his voice again. “We need one of my brothers. Someone needs to stop him.” As if summoned, Fred and George ambled into the Great Hall just a few seconds later and Ron found time to smirk as he stood up to talk to them. “Thank god, it could have been Percy, then we would all have been screwed.”</p><p>Noticing the entirety of the Gryffindor table turning their attention towards them, Fred and George furrowed their brows in confusion, and then let their eyes slide over to the commotion at the Slytherin table. At this point, they both drew their wands and stalked over to Ginny and Malfoy, and Harry thought it was one of the first times that he had seen their mouths forced into grimaces rather than their natural, lazy smiles. Fred aimed his wand at Malfoy’s face, while George pulled Ginny behind him, shoving her sharply until she moved of her own accord. “Threatening our sister?”</p><p>“Actually, she threatened me first.” Malfoy said cooly.</p><p>George narrowed his eyes at him. “Then she must have had a good reason.”</p><p>“He attacked Luna.” Ginny piped up.</p><p>“Like picking on girls do you Malfoy?” Asked Fred.</p><p>“First-Year girls no less.” Added George.</p><p>“We don’t think that’s very nice, do we, Georgie?”</p><p>“Not in the slightest, Freddie.”</p><p>“What is going on here?” McGonnagal’s shrill voice echoed throughout the Great Hall as she strode over. “Mr Weasley put down your wand. Miss Weasley, what are you all doing at the Slytherin table? Return to the Gryffindor table immediately.”</p><p>“Malfoy was threatening our sister, Professor.” Fred insisted.</p><p>“And he attacked… um-...” George faltered and glanced at Ginny.</p><p>“Luna.” She hissed..</p><p>“Yeah, he attacked Luna!”</p><p>“And yet you three appear to be the ones at Mr Malfoy’s table with your hands out.” McGonagall drawled. “Enough of this, detention for all four of you in my office tonight. Now go back to the Gryffindor table, you three.”</p><p>Fred, George and Ginny all sloped back to the others, but Fred scowled when they sat down. “Ron, you’re supposed to keep an eye on her.”</p><p>“It’s a bit hard when she’s slinking off to pick fights with Malfoy every time I turn my back. You try keeping track of her. It’s because she’s so small, she’s faster than the rest of us.”</p><p>“Shut up, all of you.” Demanded Ginny. “I don’t need anyone to keep an eye on me, I can look after myself. If you two hadn’t interrupted, Malfoy would be in the Hospital Wing right now.”</p><p>“And you would be on the first train home tomorrow morning. Mum would be furious.”</p><p>Ginny smirked. “It would have been worth it.”</p><p>“Maybe, but you’ve got a future here Ginny. From now on if you have fights to pick let us pick them for you. We’ve already got ‘troublemaker’ stamped on our foreheads, nobody will care if we hex him. Everyone will care if you do.”</p><p>“Fine.” She sighed. “Are you alright, Luna?”</p><p>“Oh, I’m fine, thank you. Hermione, I’ll get you a new copy from my dorm room later today.”</p><p>“Oh, right… Thank you.” Hermione replied, her face going pink. “You’ve changed your tune about Luna.” Hermione said to Ron when they’d split off to their different classes.</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“Just that when Ginny first mentioned her you said that you didn’t think she should be friends with her and you didn’t much like the sound of her and today you threatened to kill someone because they’d upset her.”</p><p>Ron shrugged. “She’s grown on me. Like you did Hermione, like a toe fungus.”</p><p>Hermione bristled, but replied smoothly, “I wouldn’t know much about the life cycle of a toe fungus. Might I suggest you get a cream for that, Ronald?”</p><p>Everyone was laughing as they continued down the corridor, but they were suddenly stopped by a thick grey rope appearing out of nowhere and tripping Ron up. There was a sickening crunching sound and the entire group gasped, and Hermione turned a little grey as they looked down at Ron. He groaned and turned onto his side. But instead of revealing a bloody bone sticking out of his thigh, he produced his wand, snapped into two clean halves. “Oh my god.”</p><p>George shook his head. “Mum’s going to kill you, Ron.”</p><p>“It wasn’t my fault.”</p><p>“What kind of plonker doesn’t see a rope jump up in front of him?” Fred asked, helping Ron back to his feet.</p><p>“Where did it even come from?”</p><p>“Oh dear, Weasley, trip over those massive feet, did you?” Malfoy’s sneering voice came from nearby as he tucked his wand back into his robes.</p><p>Before Harry knew what he was doing, he had tackled Malfoy to the ground and was trying to punch him, though it was difficult with Crabbe and Goyle holding both of his arms back. Fred and George ran over and pulled Harry off of Malfoy, just as McGonagall walked around the corner. “You two? Again?”</p><p>“It was my fault, Professor.” Harry insisted.</p><p>“Then that’ll be detention for you too, Potter. I don’t want to see any other behaviour like this from any Gryffindor students, am I understood?”</p><p>“Yes, Professor.” They all chorused.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. chapter thirty-six.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry, narrowly avoiding a game ban as a result of his attack on Malfoy, approached the first Quidditch game of the season with more excitement than ever. It had been announced that Malfoy was joining the Slytherin team as Seeker and Harry was determined to beat him. He invited Sirius, Remus and Mary to watch the game, hoping this one would be more successful than the last they had witnessed. He was wrong.</p><p>From the moment he entered the sky, something felt off. One bludger seemed to have it’s heart set on killing Harry and it followed him closely no matter where he went. Fred and George tried valiantly to protect him, but it wasn’t long before the bludger caught him and sent him hurtling to the ground where he landed with a sickening crunch on his arm. Sirius, Remus and Mary were first on the pitch, sprinting towards Harry while Madam Hooch and Oliver Wood, the Gryffindor Captain, wrestled the agitated bludger into its case.</p><p>“Where does it hurt?” Sirius demanded worriedly, kneeling beside his crumpled godson.</p><p>“I’m fine…” Harry said, but his grimace betrayed him as he clutched at his shoulder, bending over himself.</p><p>“Harry James Potter, we did not raise a liar.” Sirius said quickly. “Tell me where you’re hurt so we can make it go away.”</p><p>“My arm-…”</p><p>Mary moved towards Harry and held out her hand. “Let me have a look, Sweetheart. I’ll be gentle.” Carefully and with a precision learnt from her days in the Order Mary felt the area around the pain and tested his joint slowly. Harry winced several times throughout the procedure but did not cry out, afraid of worrying them all more and making Mary fear that she had hurt him in her examination. “It’s broken, that’s for sure.” Mary said, twisting to look back at Sirius and Remus. “The issue is whether the bone has splintered,” Sirius wobbled a little, his face turning ghostly white. “But I can’t know for sure out here. He needs to go to the Hospital Wing-…”</p><p>“Stand back!” Lockhart exclaimed, shoving Sirius aside, who glared first at Lockhart and then at Remus, who just shrugged and watched on as Lockhart fell to his knees beside Harry dramatically. “I’ll fix it for you, my boy.”</p><p>“No, not you.” Harry tried to wriggle away, wincing as he jolted his arm.</p><p>Lockhart laughed heartily, shaking his head. “Boy doesn’t know what he’s saying…”</p><p>“Why not him, Harry?” Asked Mary, concernedly, standing as Lockhart got in her way and she returned to her spot beside Sirius and Remus.</p><p>“He-… I just think that you or Madam Pomfrey should do it. She’s done it a million times, I’ve seen it done for other players in the Hospital Wing before.”</p><p>“Nonsense, I’ll have it fixed in a jif.”</p><p>“Maybe we should wait for Madam Pomfrey-…” Mary ventured, but Lockhart had already produced his wand and tapped Harry’s arm with a flourish. Harry’s arm bent in on itself, warping like rubber and fell weakly to his side. Remus turned even whiter and had to grip hold of Sirius for balance as he tried not to be sick.</p><p>Lockhart took a hasty step backwards. “Oh… Well, that’s-...”</p><p>“Fix it.” Sirius growled, stepping menacingly towards Lockhart.</p><p>The other wizard’s smile faded. “Well I- uh-…”</p><p>“I said fix it.” Sirius grabbed the other wizard by his robes. Remus pulled him away sharply.</p><p>“Leave him, Padfoot.” Remus warned, taking hold of Sirius’ shoulder and pulling him away. “You’re about to assault Harry’s teacher in front of the whole school.”</p><p>“Sirius, calm down.” McGonnagal said patiently, arriving beside them, her face grave. She turned to Lockhart, her voice dripping with irritation. “There is no spell that can fix this.”</p><p>“Then what are you telling me, Professor?” Sirius asked frustratedly, bending down again to examine Harry’s arm, his face warped into a mask of pain and anger.</p><p>“I’m telling you that we need to take Harry to see Madam Pomfrey.”</p><p>“He’ll be alright.” Mary promised. “She’ll have no trouble fixing this, as messed up as it has been. In the future, if you don’t know how to do something, just ask for help rather than put a child’s life in danger you inconsiderate-…”</p><p>“Mary!” Remus hissed.</p><p>She rolled her eyes. “Sorry, but honestly-…”</p><p>“I’m fine, I just need to go to the Hospital Wing.” Harry mumbled. “Thanks anyway, Professor.”</p><p>“I think we raised you too well, manners only need to go so far.” Grumbled Sirius. “Thanking someone that just removed all of the bones from your arm doesn’t necessarily need to be a priority.”</p><p>“I’ll carry him up to the school.” Hagrid volunteered, having ambled up with McGonagall, scooping Harry into his arms as though the boy weighed nothing at all.</p><p>Once in the Hospital Wing, Harry carefully deposited on one of the beds, Madam Pomfrey assessed the damage. She spent several minutes prodding Harry, stretching his arm back and forth, and tutting. “They’ll have to be regrown.” She said finally, putting her hands on her hips.</p><p>“Regrown?” Repeated Remus, his eyes widening.</p><p>“That sounds painful.”</p><p>“Well what would you rather, Mr Black?” She retorted. “That he live out the rest of his days with no bones in his arm? I think not. Life is pain, Harry, you ought to learn that.”</p><p>“As if he hasn’t already had enough lessons on the subject.” Muttered Sirius.</p><p>“Sirius-…”</p><p>“Sorry... Alright, do what you have to do but we’re not leaving his side.”</p><p>She smiled gently. “I didn’t ask you to, just don’t get in my way.” She moved to fetch a potion and when she returned she spoke to Mary. “I’d forgotten your healer’s training, Mary.”</p><p>“I never finished it.” Mary sighed. “I was almost there when the war finished. I didn’t get a chance to pursue it after that.”</p><p>“Well, what’s stopping you now?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I don’t see anything stopping you from completing your healer training now that we are once again living in peaceful times. In fact, if you do the updated course at St Mungos, you can apprentice with me here after that if you like. I’m in need of some help around here.”</p><p>“It’s not a bad idea…”</p><p>“Worth thinking about, Mary.” Sirius squeezed her shoulder. Remus kept his eyes trained on Harry who was screwing his eyes up in disgust as he drank the potion Madam Pomfrey had handed him.</p><p>~~~</p><p>That night, when Sirius had insisted that they go home while he stayed to keep an eye on Harry, Mary walked into the kitchen with a piece of folded parchment and used her wand to summon an owl. She attached the letter to the bird’s foot and scratched it gently behind the ear, before releasing it into the evening air.</p><p>“What was that?” Asked Remus, looking up from his makeshift dinner at the kitchen table.</p><p>“My application to redo my healer training.”</p><p>Remus started. “So you’re going to do it? You’re going to go?”</p><p>“I think I have to.” Mary shrugged and slipped into the chair opposite him. “I can’t stay here forever, as much as I might like to. No, I’ve spent over a decade living in the shadow of what happened during the war, I need to make something of my life.”</p><p>“What’s your plan?”</p><p>“I don’t really have one yet. I know that I want to help people like me, like I was before you took me in. Y’know, the ones that get left behind.”</p><p>“You’ll be incredible, Mary. Anything you put your mind to, you’ll ace it. You always did.”</p><p>Three days later, Mary received word from the healer academy. She had been accepted.</p><p>~~~</p><p>News of Mary’s impending departure from their household reached Harry while he was still recovering in the Hospital Wing. Sirius tried to tell him that this was a good thing for Mary, something she really needed to do for herself, but Harry only had more questions and concerns. “Where will she live? How long will she be gone for? Will she come back and see us? What if she doesn’t come home ever again?” No matter how much Sirius tried to keep him calm and reassure him that Mary loved them all and would certainly keep in touch, Harry remained upset at the prospect of losing her.</p><p>The following week, as Harry turned the corner before the Gryffindor Common Room, his friends chattering by his side, he stopped dead in his tracks. His friends didn’t notice for a few more steps. Ginny was the first to realise he was no longer by their side, and glanced back at him. Upon seeing the look on his face, her eyes widened and she spun back around to see what he was looking at. “What’s she doing here?” She wondered aloud and the sound of her voice behind them, when they hadn’t realised that she too had stopped walking, caused the others to halt, turn back and then look ahead towards the Common Room. Mary MacDonald was leaning against the great granite walls, her elbow grazing one of the ornate portraits, its occupant gazing out at her as though lovestruck, completely enamoured with her beauty. Her right foot was cocked up against the wall, her denim jacket hung neatly over her crossed arms, a small bag dangling from her shoulder. Her face was tilted back, her chin taking the lead as she looked around at all of the paintings that she had never bothered to look closely at during her time at Hogwarts, her eyes swimming with memories she thought she had lost forever. In the echoing giggles of groups of girls exiting the Common Room in gaggles she heard the dying embers of one of Marlene’s dirtier jokes, or Lily and Dorcas re-enacting a disliked professor’s clumsy classroom moment. She heard the clattering of quills onto the floor and remembered Emmeline, or the sounds of jostling boys from within the Common Room that could have been the Marauders; when they were still a group of four, of course. So lost was she in her memories, that it took her a few seconds to notice the group hovering nearby, all looking at her. When she did look over, her eyes immediately fell on Harry and her face broke into a soft smile. “Hello, Sweetheart.” She said, so quietly that had the corridor been any busier, the sound would have been stolen by the ancient corridor and hidden away in the walls of the castle, lost forever.</p><p>“Hi Mary.” Harry replied numbly. Tactfully, Hermione took charge and strode towards the Common Room, briefly greeting Mary before garbling the password and subtly beckoning for the others to follow her through the portrait hole.</p><p>When they had disappeared and the portrait had clanged shut once more, Mary used her right foot to push herself off of the wall and walked toward Harry. “You have no idea how hard it was to resist calling you Fawn just then.” She chuckled. “But I didn’t want to embarrass you.”</p><p>“You hardly ever call me that anymore.” Harry mumbled, not wishing to sound bitter or too disappointed.</p><p>“Well, you’re growing into a stag now, like your dad… But today feels like a Fawn kind of day. Shall we go for a walk?”</p><p>Harry nodded and Mary swung her jacket on as they made their way through the castle, heading towards the front door. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I came to say goodbye, properly. A little birdie told me that you were a little upset about me moving out and I thought it best if I was the one to explain myself to you, rather than let Sirius or Remus talk to you about it. You’re a big boy now, you’re not a child that can’t understand things like this. I owe you that much.”</p><p>“You don’t owe me anything. Sirius shouldn’t have said I was upset.” Harry mumbled, clearly embarrassed. “I mean, I’m going to miss you and everything but I know you have to move on.”</p><p>“I do.” She agreed softly. “It feels like I’m getting my life back, starting all over again like I’m twenty… Not that I look quite as good as I did at twenty-...”</p><p>“I’m sorry you couldn’t live your life the way you wanted to-…”</p><p>Mary halted sharply. “That’s not what I meant, Fawn. I like to think I would have been a part of your life no matter what happened. Lily was my best friend after all. But I’m finally moving on from all of the sadness of the last decade and I’m focusing on me and the happiness I deserve. Besides, you don’t need me, you never have. That’s why we have always been such good friends, because you need Sirius and Remus and they need you, but we just like being around each other.”</p><p>Harry’s bottom lip trembled and he bit down hard on it to steady it. “I need you…”</p><p>Mary shook her head. “No, you want me, which I assure you is a far bigger compliment. But as my mother always said, ‘Mary, you’ve got to leave them wanting more’.”</p><p>“Will you be there at Christmas?”</p><p>“I’m not sure yet, it depends on a lot of things.” She shrugged. “I hope so… Harry, just because I won’t be living there anymore doesn’t mean I want to be any less a part of your life. I wish I could stay, but it’s time for me to move on. It was never supposed to be a permanent thing. But we’ll still see each other, and we can write and everything.”</p><p>“I suppose… Mary, you know you’re part of my family, too. Don’t you?”</p><p>“Is that really how you feel, Sweetheart?”</p><p>“Absolutely, and not just because you knew my mum. I know everyone thinks that we only get on because I’m looking for someone to replace her, but it’s not true. I was plenty happy with Sirius and Remus before you arrived, but when you leave there’s going to be a hole where you used to be, y’know? You’re family, Mary. We all are.”</p><p>“You told someone that when you were little.” Mary smiled. “They were asking you all sorts of questions that you ask kids, y’know, how old are you and do you know how tall you are… And then they said, ‘and Harry, who do you live with?’ And you said-…”</p><p>“I remember.” He grinned. “I looked him straight in the eye and I said, my family.”</p><p>“‘Sirius, Remus, Mary and me’…” Mary whispered, remembering. “You were so proud to call us your family. I hope-… well, I just hope that never changes. I hope we never let you down or disappoint you, because you deserve the best.”</p><p>“I’ll always be proud to know you, Mary. If anything, I’ll be the disappointment.”</p><p>“Not possible.” She said firmly. “Oh Harry, I will always be so proud of you, don’t ever forget that. Don’t ever forget how loved you are, by all of us. Look at me, pathetic!” She wiped her eyes. “I came here to comfort you and now I’m blubbing.”</p><p>“I have that effect on people.”</p><p>“It’s a good thing.” She chuckled. “It means you’re loved.”</p><p>“Yeah I know. So you’re going to London to train?”</p><p>“Yep. I’ll sit my healer exams at the end of the year and then I’ll do a placement somewhere. I’m hoping I’ll get something at the dragon sanctuary where Charlie is, y’know healing burns and stuff, but who knows.”</p><p>“You’re going to be really far away.”</p><p>“The miracle of magic is, Fawn, that I can come back whenever you need me. I’ll never stray too far from you, Sweetheart.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>None of the usual excitement for Christmas arrived home with Harry for the holiday break that year. He spent most of the first day moping around the house in quiet contemplation, missing Mary more than he dared say to Sirius or Remus, though they could both tell that her absence was bothering him. After lunch he disappeared for several hours, and Remus eventually found him asleep in Mary’s old room, a book in his lap, his face pressed against the window pane as he slumped in the window seat. Remus edged back out of the room and clicked the door shut behind him, surprised at how much seeing the room so empty hurt him too. He didn’t intrude upon Harry again until dinner was ready, by which time the boy had woken and traipsed back into his own room to continue reading.</p><p>Christmas was spent at the Burrow which meant that Luna and her father Xenophilius were also invited since they lived not far from the Weasleys. Now that Ginny and Luna had become such firm friends, she too were wrapped into the extended family Mr and Mrs Weasley had built for themselves. Harry was particularly keen to talk to Luna and thought he might have more of a chance of catching her alone at the Burrow than he would have at school. He found one such opportunity on Christmas Eve, finding Luna wrapped up in an overly-long scarf and walking around the back garden, wishing all of the gnomes a happy holiday. “Luna?”</p><p>“Oh, hello Harry.” She beamed at him.</p><p>“Can I ask you something?”</p><p>She hesitated and then shrugged. “I’m sure you can.”</p><p>“Do you miss your mum? Even though you were so young when she died?”</p><p>Luna thought for a moment and then said, “A little, but it’s not like I’m never going to see her again. I just try to keep that in mind.”</p><p>“So you think you’ll see your mum again one day?”</p><p>“Of course, don’t you think you’ll see your parents?” Luna asked him.</p><p>Harry shrugged. “I don’t know, I never really thought about it.”</p><p>“I’m excited.” She did a little skip as though to illuminate this point. “There’s going to be a lot to catch her up on, we’ll have centuries of conversational topics to go over when I finally get there!” Harry smiled and left Luna to her gnome conversations. He thought back to what Mary had said about the miracle of magic and how easily she could apparate to be with him again the moment he needed or even just wanted her. He knew the same was true for everybody he loved. Sirius and Remus in particular would be at his side the moment he asked them to be. But his parents could never come back to be with him. This was not a new or sudden realisation, but the loss of Mary, no matter how temporary, had brought the pain of knowing he would never see his parents again, or always have everybody he loved with him at all times. And it was hard to swallow.</p><p>Sirius glanced up when he walked back into the kitchen. “Where have you been?”</p><p>“I was with Luna..”</p><p>“Oh… I didn’t realise you and Luna were such good friends. You’ve been seeing her a lot, have you?”</p><p>Harry shrugged. “Not that much. Mostly we just all hang out as a big group, but Ron thinks Luna is a bit odd so he doesn’t want to spend too much time with her when there’s no one else around.”</p><p>“But you like Luna, do you?”</p><p>“Yeah I do.” Harry said, looking Sirius in the eye and nodding. “She knows what it’s like, how it feels. The others are great, but they’ve all got both their parents still alive, and as incredible as you and Remus and Mary have been in raising me and looking up to me well-… Luna knows what it’s like to lose a parent.”</p><p>Sirius’ heart ached but he summoned a smile for his godson. “It’s good that you have someone who can understand what it’s like, mate.”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s nice.”</p><p>“Missing Mary?” Harry didn’t reply verbally, afraid he might start to cry. Instead he just nodded and avoided Sirius’ gaze. “Good, me too.”</p><p>“Good?”</p><p>“Very good. If you didn’t miss her it would mean you didn’t care about her. Besides, if we miss her together then we have solidarity and it won’t hurt as much.”</p><p>“I suppose when you put it like that…”</p><p>“Come on, let’s go and find the others. I think there’s mince pies on offer!”</p>
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<a name="section0037"><h2>37. chapter thirty-seven.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The end of the school year occurred as it had done the previous year, with Sirius waiting at Harry’s bedside in the Hospital Wing. He had kept up to date with all of the stories of the monster lurking within Hogwarts and the various attacks on Muggleborns, including Harry’s good friend Hermione Granger, and yet, at no point had it occurred to Sirius to remove Harry from the school. Despite all of it, and the dangers he was potentially facing by remaining at school, Sirius knew, deep down, that Harry was safer within its walls than anywhere else in the world. He had been confident in this assertion, right up until he was summoned to the school earlier in the day with Molly, Arthur and the two eldest Weasley boys.</p><p>Sirius yawned and rubbed at his eyes. It felt like years since word had come that little Ginny Weasley had been snatched by the Hogwarts monster, and that she was presumed dead. Somehow, it felt like even longer since Sirius had heard that Harry and Ron had disappeared into the same Chamber that the monster had taken Ginny and nobody knew how, or even if, they would survive. Sirius wondered, morbidly, how many more times he would sit in this seat. Still, better to be waiting in a hospital than standing by a grave.</p><p>To Sirius’ relief, Harry began to stir and all thoughts of the risks to his young life fell out of Sirius’s brain. Harry’s eyes cracked open and he asked, “Where’s Ginny?” His voice was croaky and sore.</p><p>“Sleeping it off with her family crowded round her bedside.” Sirius told him, stroking Harry’s spiky hair down with the palm of his hand. “She’s been through quite the ordeal, not just in the last few days with the Chamber but with-…”</p><p>Harry looked away. “Voldemort.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Third time’s a charm?” Harry summoned a tired smirk and he looked so much like his father that Sirius wanted to cry.</p><p>“Let’s hope so.” Sirius replied before sighing, “God, Harry, I was so worried about you.”</p><p>“I’m alright...”</p><p>“I know. And I’m very proud of you for saving Ginny. But next time, please just call me and I’ll go down into any sketchy chambers for you, okay?”</p><p>Harry nodded. “Deal… Is Dobby in trouble?”</p><p>“The House Elf? Well, I’m a little annoyed that he almost killed you with that bludger, but other than that-...”</p><p>“I meant from the Malfoys." Harry said urgently, anxiety rippling across his bruised face. "He belongs to them, if they know he’s been helping me then-...”</p><p>“They know, and they’re furious about it, but there’s nothing they can do.” A satisfied smirk spread across Sirius' face. </p><p>Harry narrowed his eyes suspiciously at his godfather. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“House Elves need only be awarded clothes by their masters in order to be let free, right? Well, it just happens that my feet were getting a bit hot while I stood in Dumbledore’s office listening to Lucius rant and rave so I slipped one off. I didn’t fancy holding my manky old sock so I put it inside of that horrible diary. Only I ‘forgot’ about it.”</p><p>Harry eyes widened as he realised what Sirius had done and a grin cracked onto his face, replacing the worry. “You gave the diary to Dobby?”</p><p>“No, I threw the diary at Lucius’ head." Chortled Sirius. "Had to find some fun in the whole thing, didn’t I? He dropped it onto Dobby’s head, Dobby picked it up and hey presto, we have a free elf.”</p><p>“That was really clever, Sirius!”</p><p>“Well, I have been known to have the occasional brilliant idea.” Sirius laughed, shrugging his shoulders.</p><p>“Where are Remus and Mary?”</p><p>“Talking with Dumbledore about everything. Voldemort got into Hogwarts, even if not physically, and caused some real damage. Security needs to be upped even if it does look like he's gone again.”</p><p>Harry nodded gravely, though he wasn’t really interested in the practicalities of keeping Hogwarts secure for the moment. “Can I go see Ginny?”</p><p>“Sure, come on.” Sirius helped Harry out of bed and supported him as he limped down the length of the Hospital Wing until they came to Ginny’s bed. Bill and Charlie were each holding one of Ginny’s hands while she slept, her coppery hair spread out over her pillow as though she were floating on water. Percy had chewed his nails down to bloody flesh and Fred and George had never looked further from cracking a joke.</p><p>“Is she going to be okay?” Harry asked and they all turned to look at him.</p><p>Mrs Weasley reached him first, enveloping him in a tight hug. “She’s going to be completely fine, thanks to you. You saved her, Harry.”</p><p>“Where’s Ron?”</p><p>“Arthur took him to buy a new wand as a reward for helping you get to Ginny. Plus, it seems that the one he was using was a bit risky.”</p><p>Harry's mouth fell open as he remembered his teacher. “Lockhart!”</p><p>Fred stifled a chuckle. “Don’t bother calling him that to his face, poor bugger can’t even remember his own name anymore.”</p><p>“Don’t be cruel, Fred. That poor man has a very long recovery ahead of him.”</p><p>“To be fair, Mrs Weasley, he was trying to erase mine and Ron’s memories when he did it.” Harry smirked, sitting himself down on the end of Ginny’s bed, being careful not to jog her as he did so. “I don’t feel too sorry for him to be honest.”</p><p>“Yes, well… that’s alright I suppose.”</p><p>At that moment, Remus and Mary walked into the Hospital Wing and took turns hugging Harry close before leaning in to check on Ginny. “Do you think maybe next year we could just finish the term quietly?” Mary asked, eyeing Harry ruefully.</p><p>He shrugged, smirking a little. “Take it up with Voldemort, Mary. I’m just trying to pass Potions!”</p>
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<a name="section0038"><h2>38. chapter thirty-eight.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Remus, the job is quite yours if you want it.” Dumbeldore’s eyes shone over his spectacles. “Surely you know that’s why I asked you to even interview for it. I organised no other applicants, I will only do that once you turn me down, which I very much hope you will not.”</p><p>“I appreciate that, Headmaster.”</p><p>“Please, if we are to be colleagues you must call me Albus!”</p><p>Remus smiled, even now, all these years later, finding the idea of calling his former Headmaster by his first name utterly amusing. Images of his school days, littered both with joy and sorrow in equal measure flashing through his mind like cards in a deck. “May I ask that you give me a few days to consider your offer, Hea-...  Albus. I have to speak to a few people about the repercussions of my taking such a position before I do in fact accept.”</p><p>“I’m sure I can imagine who those people might be.” Dumbledore smiled widely. “Of course you must think it over, I was going to insist on at least a week’s consideration period myself. We have several weeks before term resumes, there is no rush. I hope to see you again on September first.”</p><p>“I’ll send you my answer as soon as I know for certain what it will be.”</p><p>“I trust that you will.” Dumbledore rose and extended his hand for Remus to shake. “Goodbye… Professor Lupin.”</p><p>Remus left the castle and walked into Hogsmeade at a leisurely pace to apparate home, using the time to think things over. For a few minutes he indulged himself in fantasies of what it would be like to be a teacher, a real teacher, at Hogwarts. He shook his head lightly as he passed the boundary between the school and the village, refusing to let his hopes get too high. He disapparated with a crack and a moment later was pushing open the back door of their house. </p><p>Sirius was reading the paper at the kitchen table and looked up expectantly when Remus walked in. “How’d it go?”</p><p>“He offered me the job on the spot.” Remus told him, shrugging off his cloak. </p><p>“Well we knew he would.” Grinned Sirius, slapping his paper down onto the table. “You’re going to be a great teacher, Moony.”</p><p>“I’m not definitely taking it.”</p><p>“What? Of course you are.” Snorted Sirius. “You’ve been looking for a job, let alone a job that you will actually like, for years. This is the opportunity of a lifetime, why on earth would you turn it down?”</p><p>Remus chewed his bottom lip. “Harry might not want me there.”</p><p>“That’s ridiculous.”</p><p>“No it’s not.” Remus insisted. “How would you like somebody you had grown up with sauntering into your school, telling your friends what to do and setting you homework? Harry is a sweet boy, but even he must enjoy an escape from the two of us when he goes to school.”</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes. “You’re telling me you are considering passing up on the job of your dreams because  you’re scared of cramping Harry’s style?”</p><p>“Well… Yes.”</p><p>“That’s ridiculous.” Sirius repeated. </p><p>“I need to at least talk to him about it first, make it clear that this is a group decision.”</p><p>“Remus, it’s your life.” Insisted Sirius. “You can do anything you damn well please, and Harry can like it or lump it.”</p><p>“Well that’s not very democratic.”</p><p>“How many times have you said it - you are not his godfather, you’re not even his guardian legally. You’re a part of this family, as strange and stitched together as it is, I have always believed that, but it’s not like you’re Harry’s overbearing weird uncle or something that’s going to pop in on him in his dormitory without warning or tell embarrassing stories about him to his classmates. And he knows that. So talk to him about it by all means, but I think you’re overreacting. Harry will be fine with this.”</p><p>“I’m still going to talk to him about it first, I need to be sure. But I’ll reassure him that he can completely ignore me if he wants to. We can pretend we’ve never met before, I doubt any of the other students will know.”</p><p>“Apart from the Weasleys and Neville and Luna and Hermione and Malfoy-....”</p><p>“Well of course… Do you really think Harry won’t mind?”</p><p>“Won’t mind what?” Harry’s voice sounded from the doorway, making Remus and Sirius jump so violently it was almost comical. Harry smirked and raised his eyebrows. “Something wrong?” He asked, looking to Sirius first, as he always did. </p><p>His godfather just shrugged, pushing himself away from the kitchen table and patting Remus on the shoulder. “I’m staying out of this.” He said, moving past Harry out of the door. “This is between the two of you.”</p><p>“What happened to family decisions?” Remus muttered. </p><p>“I’ve already had my say. It’s Harry’s turn.”</p><p>Remus composed himself and smiled at Harry, who maintained his confused smirk. Wordlessly they both moved to sit at the kitchen table, Remus clutching his hands in front of him, Harry’s hanging by his sides as he slumped in his chair. “I have been offered a job.” Remus said finally, seeing no other way of beginning the conversation.</p><p>Harry perked up. “That’s great. Doing what?”</p><p>“Teaching.”</p><p>“Teaching what?” Harry prompted. </p><p>“ Defence Against the Dark Arts.”</p><p>“Cool!” Harry replied. DADA had always been his favourite class, despite the myriad of useless teachers he had had in the past. Idly he wondered if Dumbledore had begun his search for someone to take the class for the forthcoming school years. “Teaching where? In London? Is it like a night class or something.”</p><p>“No actually. It’s at a school... Your school.”</p><p>“My school? But-… Oh.” Harry’s eyes widened as the realisation dawned on him. </p><p>“Dumbledore has offered me the position but I told him I had to speak to you about it first, to see if you’re okay with it.”</p><p>“Why wouldn’t I be okay with it?” Snorted Harry. “You’ve been looking for a job for as long as I can remember.”</p><p>“I told you so…” Sirius cooed, floating past the kitchen door on his way into his study. </p><p>Remus rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Harry, who was laughing in his chair, twisted around to look out of the door at his godfather. “I appreciate that you understand that this would be marvellous opportunity for me and you want to support that, as I hope to always support you in the things you do, but I want you to understand all of the implications of this. If I take this job, I will be at Hogwarts with you, I will be teaching you and your friends, we’ll see each other at mealtimes, in the corridors. We will see each other pretty much every day, several times a day.”</p><p>“So?”</p><p>“So you’re thirteen!” A nervous laugh erupted from Remus. “I could hardly blame you for wanting to keep your school life and your personal life separate from one another. If I was at Hogwarts it would be hard to keep the things that you have every right to keep private and school-based from me. I wouldn’t try to pry but if I happen to see you in the corridor with a girl a few times my mind will wander-…”</p><p>“Woah, woah! Slow down. There are no girls on the table at the moment.” Harry exclaimed, flushing red.</p><p>“That was just one example.” Remus said, smiling a bit more calmly. “If you and your friends decide to get up to no good then-…”</p><p>“Then it won’t be anything the Marauders haven’t done before.” Harry retorted. From somewhere in the house, Sirius emitted a snort followed by peals of uncontrolled laughter, with an edge of pride surrounding it. </p><p>Remus smirked despite himself, but yelled, “Either actively participate in this conversation or stop listening in,” which promptly cut off Sirius’ amused chuckling. Or at the very least, he had moved to another portion of the house where they would no longer be audible from the kitchen. “That may be so,”  Remus replied levelly to Harry. “But as a teacher it would be my responsibility to either report your antics to your Head of House or punish you for them myself. Even if on a personal level I think it’s funny or that you were within your rights to do whatever it is that’s gotten you into trouble.”</p><p>“Okay, so we’ll try harder not to get caught... Got it.”</p><p>Remus sat back in his chair and looked at Harry as if the boy had suddenly sprouted an extra nose. “Does this really not bother you?”</p><p>“Nope.” Harry shrugged.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>Harry smiled sincerely. “Remus, you need this job, and I think you’d be really good at it. You, unlike either of the teachers I’ve had for that subject before actually know quite a bit about DADA, and will probably actually teach it to us properly. Hogwarts needs you as much as you need Hogwarts.”</p><p>“So you think I should take the position?”</p><p>“I’ll be kinda mad if you don’t take it to be honest.” </p><p>“Okay then, I’ll do it.” Remus grinned, before adding hurriedly. “But, if at any point you decide that it’s too much, my being there, then I’ll resign on the spot. Deal?”</p><p>“If it means you’ll take the job, then sure. Deal.” Harry chuckled, nodding. </p><p>“You haven’t discussed the most important issue.” Sirius announced, striding into the room and flopping down into one of the unoccupied chairs. </p><p>“What’s that?” Asked Remus, his eyes flickering from Harry to Sirius in confusion. The former looked just as confused, clearly content with the way the conversation had already concluded.</p><p>“What am I supposed to do with both of you gone? It was hard enough when Mary flew the nest, I can’t be completely alone all year.” Sirius cried dramatically. </p><p>“Maybe you can hang out with Molly and cry over your absent children together.” Remus teased.</p><p>“Yeah maybe she’ll teach you how to knit.” Harry chimed in. “You’ve been meaning to find a new hobby. That kind of practical skill will hold in you in good stead for life, Padfoot.”</p><p>“We expect two jumpers each this Christmas, one from Molly and one from you.”</p><p>“I want mine to be striped!” </p><p>“Yeah, yeah. I’ll get right on that.” Sirius muttered sarcastically. “So you’ve had it all out then? Got it all out in the open? I’m not going to get any frantic and angsty owls from either of you complaining about having one another around, am I?”</p><p>“Harry?”</p><p>Harry thought for a moment and then replied, “Don’t think so. I actually think it’s pretty great. I mean, do you know how many of the kids at Hogwarts would love to have their families around during the school year? I’m going to have a member of mine living at the school that I get to see regularly.”</p><p>“Blimey, maybe I should take up teaching.”</p><p>Harry wrinkled his nose. “I don’t know that you’d be very good at it, Sirius. No offence.”</p><p>Sirius turned up his nose dramatically. “How very dare you, I’d be a marvellous educator.”</p><p>“Considering you weren’t a good student I don’t see how you’d suddenly be a good teacher.” Snickered Remus. </p><p>“What is this, pick on Sirius day?” Sirius cried out dramatically. “God, is this what you're going to do at Hogwarts, just bitch about me all the time?”</p><p>“Well since our lives completely revolve around you I’d say it’s pretty likely.”</p><p>“Actually I have something I want to run past the two of you since we’re having a day of big discussions.” Harry said, suddenly serious. </p><p>“Well now you’ve uttered the scariest sentence in the history of scary sentences, please do go on.”</p><p>“The Weasleys have invited me to go to Egypt with them to visit Bill and I’d really really really like to go. Can I? Please? I wouldn’t get into any trouble and Mr and Mrs Weasley will be with us the whole time and-…”</p><p>Sirius interrupted him. “Harry?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Slow down.”</p><p>“Sorry…”</p><p>Sirius smiled at him. “If they’ve asked you and it’s no trouble to them, then of course you can go to Egypt.”</p><p>“Really? Thanks!”</p><p>“Don’t mention it. But you take your own money, don’t ask them for anything. It’s very generous of them even to invite you.”</p><p>Harry nodded enthusiastically. “I will, I know it is.”</p><p>“Make sure you say hello to Bill for us and thank him for that set of floating pyramids that he sent you at Easter.” Remus reminded him. </p><p>“I will!”</p><p>“But don’t go deciding you like Egypt more than you like us.” Sirius grinned. “We want you back home again before the summer is out.”</p><p>“I promise. I wish you could come too.”</p><p>“Don’t be silly, we’d just crowd you out. It’ll be good for you to have some time with the Weasleys without us there and besides, you and Moony will probably want to spend some time apart before school starts.”</p><p>“You guys are the best!” Harry beamed.</p>
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<a name="section0039"><h2>39. chapter thirty-nine.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The trip to Egypt snuck up on them, to the point that when Mrs Weasley reminded Sirius that Harry needed to pack, he choked on the apple he was eating and immediately went home to get organised for their departure the next day.</p><p>He left Harry at the Burrow to keep him from packing unnecessary things, but the moment he had the small suitcase Harry would be taking on the trip open on the boy’s bed, he realised he had no idea what exactly were necessary things. Remus was out and though Sirius tried to get in touch with Mary, the head healer at her training academy informed him that she was spending a week in Italy to gain experience working on patients when there was a language barrier. In the end, Sirius piled all of the clothes he imagined might come in handy while Harry was over there, as well as his broomstick and a stack of writing paper. Anything else, he assumed, Harry would be able to borrow from the Weasleys.</p><p>~~~</p><p>When Harry and the Weasleys arrived in Egypt, they immediately went to see Bill at his work. Ginny squealed with excitement and tore off towards her eldest brother when she saw him, leaping up into his outstretched arms. He held her tight for a moment and then tickled her sides. She shrieked, giggling, “Unhand me, you rogue!”</p><p>“Still watching Mary’s muggle films I see, Gin!” He laughed, setting her back on her feet and greeting the rest of the family.</p><p>“Picture! Picture!” A small man called, crowding them together and waving his camera about.</p><p>“For the Prophet’s article about the competition.” Mr Weasley explained proudly, beckoning for Harry to join them.</p><p>“Oh no, that’s alright.” Harry protested, stepping back. “I’m not family-...”</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous,” Charlie rolled his eyes. “Of course you are. Get in the picture, kid.”</p><p>“Sirius wouldn’t like-...”</p><p>“Sirius isn’t here.” Fred reminded him.</p><p>“What’s the worst that can happen?” George added.</p><p>With a moment’s further hesitation, Harry joined the group and blinked quickly as the flashbulb of the camera nearly blinded him.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Sirius and Remus cut out the picture of Harry and the Weasleys out of the newspaper when it arrived and stuck it on the refrigerator. It didn’t occur to Sirius to be annoyed at the fact that Harry’s face had made it into the press, not when it was only as an addition to a fun family holiday. It never occurred to him that it would put Harry in possibly the most danger he had been in in the past few years. Or, at least, it didn’t until the Minister for Magic showed up on their doorstep three days after Harry’s reluctant return from Egypt.</p><p>He, Sirius and Remus were sitting in the back garden, soaking up the last of the summer air when a loud CRACK alerted them to the fact that someone had apparated not far from their garden gate. They leapt to their feet, Sirius and Remus drawing their wands, and saw a squat man in a bowler hat walk towards the fence. “Sirius.” Cornelius Fudge, Minister for Magic, said, nodding his head politely, putting his hand on the gate and letting himself in.</p><p>“Minister.”</p><p>“Harry, go inside please.” Remus whispered, nudging the boy gently. Despite his burning curiosity, Harry felt no desire to disobey, and vanished through the door within a second. Remus took off at a brisk pace to stand beside Sirius.</p><p>“Actually it’s Harry I’ve come to see.” Fudge chuckled nervously, taking another step forward.</p><p>Sirius moved as though he were the Minister’s reflection. “About?” He insisted firmly, keeping himself between Fudge and the door to the house.</p><p>“I’d really prefer to discuss it with Harry directly.”</p><p>“He’s a minor.” Remus said. “Sirius has a right to hear what it is you’re going to say to him first, as his guardian, and then he has the right to refuse your entry into that house. If he doesn’t like what you have to say then-…”</p><p>“Mr Lupin, I didn’t see you there.” Fudge said, despite having had a clear view of all three of them from the moment he had entered the garden.</p><p>“Minister, what do you want with my godson?”</p><p>“Oh, relax Sirius. I don’t want anything with him, he’s only thirteen. I don’t think he could be of any use to the Ministry yet, do you?” Sirius didn’t laugh, and stared stonily at Fudge. “Very well. My news is not good, and when it breaks in the papers it will be extremely damaging to the Ministry’s reputation. But I thought it best that Harry knew first, for his own safety.”</p><p>“If it’s his safety that’s in question then it absolutely comes to us first.”</p><p>Fudge sighed and rubbed his face with the back of his hand. “Last night there was a breakout from Azkaban prison.” He said tiredly.</p><p>Sirius felt as though the bottom of his stomach had dropped out. “What?”</p><p>“You heard me.” Fudge snapped. “Pettigrew and several other known Death Eaters escaped and we believe they will target Harry first, especially if they are able to get back in contact with their old master.”</p><p>“Fudge, this had better be some kind of sick joke.” Snarled Sirius.</p><p>“I assure you, my taste is not that poor.”</p><p>“How could this happen?”</p><p>“That is what we are currently trying to ascertain.” Insisted Fudge. “But don’t worry, you can send Harry to school as per usual. The appropriate security measures are being put in place as we speak. He’s never been safer.”</p><p>Sirius and Remus exchanged a brief look, in which Remus nodded in a way that tried to assure Sirius that Harry would indeed be very safe, if only because he would be there to keep an eye on things. “What’s being done about this?” Sirius asked, more calmly.</p><p>“Everything possible. Dumbledore is involved every step of the way, especially in regards to protecting Hogwarts. Every available Ministry employee is currently working on locating Pettigrew and his accomplices. Oh, that’s another thing…”</p><p>Remus’ eyes widened in disbelief. “More?”</p><p>“Bellatrix Lestrange.” Fudge said, still speaking only to Sirius. “Your cousin, yes?”</p><p>“By blood only.”</p><p>“She is also among those that escaped. I don’t imagine that she would try to contact you, but I know that you are quite close with her sister, the middle one.”</p><p>“Andromeda hasn’t spoken to Bellatrix in at least twenty years.” Sirius said firmly, in case there was any doubt about where her loyalties, or his, lay.</p><p>“Nonetheless, she is being monitored. Perhaps you might mention that, in case she decides to rekindle an old family connection.”</p><p>“No need to worry, Minister.” Sirius said through gritted teeth. “Is that all?”</p><p>“Yes, I think so.” Fudge nodded. “You’ll be sure to pass on my message?”</p><p>“We’ll tell Harry everything he needs to know.”</p><p>“Good. I’ll be on my way then.” He turned and began to walk towards the gate again when Sirius called out to him cooly. </p><p> </p><p>“And Minister?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Don’t ever approach my godson without my permission again.”</p><p>Fudge looked as though he would have liked to have argued, or perhaps had Sirius arrested for some form of disrespect. But all he said was, “Understood,” and then walked away.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next day Sirius opened their front door warily as a hurried and unexpected knocking sounded throughout the house. It revealed a harried looking Andromeda Tonks, holding her daughter tightly by the hand and glancing anxiously at her husband as they waited for the door to be opened. “Andromeda? What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Not safe, we’re not safe Sirius.” She choked, rushing forward and wrapping her arms around his neck. Over her shoulder, Sirius caught sight of Ted, his face pale and drawn with Nymphadora following a few steps behind her father, looking more like her mother than ever, even if she was sporting green hair. “It’s just like it used to be, I can’t go through all that again.”</p><p>“What’s going on?” He asked, trying to keep his voice steady in the hope of calming her down.</p><p>Ted sighed and walked past them into the house. “She thinks her sister is going to come after us now that-…”</p><p>“She’s out, she got out, Sirius.” Andromeda cried, tears cascading down her cheeks. “She escaped from Azkaban. She’s going to come for us. She’ll stop at nothing, you know she won’t.”</p><p>“I know but we won’t let anything happen.” Sirius promised her, hugging her tight. “She won’t get close enough to do anything, they’re going to catch them all really soon. Besides, we’re nowhere near the top of her list, surely. Come and sit down, Cousin, you’re shaking.”</p><p>“We’re sorry to barge in, but would it be possible to stay with you just for a few days?” Ted asked, chewing on his bottom lip as Nymphadora wandered a little way away from them to admire a picture of James and Lily. “Andi doesn’t want to go home and she doesn’t want us to go home without her.”</p><p>“Of course.” Sirius replied instantly. “Stay as long as you want, our home is your home.”</p><p>“Remus and Harry won’t mind?”</p><p>“Not at all. Besides, they’re leaving me for Hogwarts in a few days so you can keep me company. You hungry?”</p><p>“I am!” Nymphadora exclaimed. “I’m famished! Mum’ll probably just take a tea though.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The summer holidays had been the best of Harry’s young life. He’d spent a lot of time with Ron of course, and as usual his brothers were around as well, and towards the end of the holidays he’d seen a lot of Tonks since her family had temporarily moved in. But for the first time, Harry and Ginny had spent extended periods of time hanging out with just one another. It had started when Ron had a summer cold and his mother confined him to his bedroom so as not to infect his six siblings. This was standard procedure in the Weasley household. Their matriarch could only properly look after maximum two sick children at a time, she had no patience for epidemics. After that, when they all went off to Egypt, Ginny, Harry and Ron seemed joined at their hips, never seen without one another.</p><p>“Are things going to change when we go back to school?” Ginny asked him quietly one day shortly before term resumed.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Are you going to hang out with me less? I mean, my brothers don’t ignore me or anything at school and if I really annoyed them about it they would let me tag along all the time, but I don’t want to have to do that in order to hang out with them, or with you. I want you to want to spend time with me. Not all the time but-…”</p><p>“I do want to spend time with you. A lot. I’ve loved this summer. You’re right, things have been different, but a really good different. You’re one of my best friends, Gin.”</p><p>She grinned widely. “And you’re mine too.”</p><p>“Well then let’s make a pact. We’ll still hang out when we’re at school and everyone else will just have to get used to it.”</p><p>“I don’t expect you to replace Ron and Hermione and Neville with me or anything.”</p><p>“It wouldn’t be like that.” Harry insisted. “Sirius always says that when it comes to friendship it’s the more the merrier.”</p><p>“I like that. Are you looking forward to having Remus as a teacher.”</p><p>“I am actually. I think Ron thinks that I’m going to be embarrassed to have him there but I don’t think I will be. He’s pretty cool as far as parents go.”</p><p>“Well of course, Remus isn’t like the other professors, is he?”</p><p>“Exactly. He’s just Remus. And it’s not like I have normal parents to embarrass me or anything. My childhood hasn’t exactly been conventional. They’ve been more like friends to me than anything else, all three of them.”</p><p>“Kind of mad to think about how young they all were when you were born.”</p><p>“I know.” Harry nodded sagely. “My parents were only twenty… and Sirius and Remus were only twenty-one when I came to live with them.”</p><p>“It’s good though. They might have struggled a little in the beginning with learning how to raise a kid but at least they’re still relatable to you now. They’re not all out of date and judgemental, they’re cool.”</p><p>“Exactly. I’m glad somebody gets it.”</p><p>“Of course I do. I’ve witnessed it happening. I feel like I was partly raised by them too, and that Mum and Dad had a hand in your growing up.”</p><p>“Definitely. We’re all a big family really.”</p><p>“We’re pretty lucky I suppose. Some people don’t even have one person that loves them as much as one of our lot loves us, and we’ve got so many people that love us.”</p><p>“Lucky. Yeah, that’s exactly right.”</p>
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<a name="section0040"><h2>40. chapter forty.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mary and Hermione arrived a week before the kids were due to return to Hogwarts. Mary had offered to pick Hermione up on her way since her training centre wasn’t far from where Hermione and her parents lived. They were late because Mary and Hermione’s parents had got into a conversation, and Mary had enjoyed talking about mundane Muggle things again so much that they had accidentally ignored Hermione standing beside her trunk, hopping from one foot to the other in her haste to get going. Harry, Ron, Neville, Ginny and Luna had all been as anxious to see her, and after giving up on entertaining themselves for the day, had waited on the stairs for the two of them to arrive. However, when the door did eventually open and they all rushed forward to greet them both, they jumped back in surprise. Hermione was holding the biggest, ugliest and orange-iest cat that any of them had ever seen.</p><p>“What have you got there, Hermione?” Asked Remus, his mouth curling upwards in amusement at the reactions of the other children.</p><p>“His name is Crookshanks, I got him when I went to do my school shopping in Diagon Alley.” She replied enthusiastically. “Mum and Dad said I was allowed to get a pet over the summer but I wanted to wait and make sure I could take them with me when I went to school.”</p><p>“Oh how sweet!” Luna said, leaning forward to scratch Crookshanks behind the ears.</p><p>“Not the first word that came to my mind.” Ron muttered.</p><p>“He might grow on you Ron,” Ginny said. “Like Hermione did.”</p><p>Ron looked unconvinced and was therefore delighted when Sirius walked into the room to greet Hermione but instead halted sharply in the doorway. “What the hell is that?”</p><p>“It’s a cat, Padfoot.” Remus smirked.</p><p>“Oh, alright… Why the hell is it in my house?”</p><p>“He belongs to Hermione.”</p><p>Oh, alright… Hermione?” Sirius turned to her, smiling politely.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Why the hell did you bring a cat into my house?”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Mrs Weasley had done them the favour of fetching all of the children’s books from Diagon Alley for them, mostly to prevent Harry, who was not allowed to go wandering around, from feeling left out if the others had gone shopping without him. However, when the books arrived on their doorstep, there was something a little unusual about one of them.</p><p>“Is that book… growling?” Mary asked disbelievingly. The brown, furry book suddenly snapped open and made a beeline for her. Mary screamed and ran away from the book until her back reached the wall. Harry panicked and ran after her, trying to hit the book with whatever items he could get his hands on. However as he was doing this he heard three identical snapping noises from behind him and turned to see that Ron, Hermione and Neville’s textbooks had also awoken and were trying their best to attack them.</p><p>“Mary, what do we do?” Harry cried out.</p><p>“I don’t know, I never took Care of Magical Creatures.” She replied frustratedly. “Now I know why! God, I’ll kill Hagrid!” She groaned, kicking her legs out at the textbook which was trying its best to latch onto her calf.</p><p>“Not if I get to him first!” Ron called out, side-stepping his book and almost falling headfirst into one of the long glass cabinets.</p><p>“Somebody get Remus,” Mary cried out. “He took that stupid class, they all did. He’ll know that to do.”</p><p>Luckily Remus had come flying down the stairs at hearing the initial outburst, and after having collided rather spectacularly with Ron, who was still sprinting away from his advancing book, on his way down, Remus then walked casually into the dining room with an amused look on his face. Ron was being chased around the room by his textbook and was in the process of heading for the staircase in the hallway in his bid to escape. Neville, who had grown considerably paler was quivering on top of the head chair at the table, his book leaping up to magnificent heights trying to get at him. At one point it nipped Neville’s elbow and caused Neville to cry out and almost fall off his chair and onto the book, which, in hindsight, Harry thought might have been quite a useful thing to have happened. Harry was still wrestling with his and had managed to trap it under his ribs, so the full weight of his body was working on pressing it flat. The book had an unprecedented strength however and Harry was jiggling up and down on top of it, and appeared almost to be vibrating from the movement of the snapping book. Hermione, after her initial shrieking which had broken out with Mary and Neville’s had quietened and had climbed up onto the dining room table, clinging to the edges as her own book bashed against the legs of the table in its attempt to reach her. She was the only one who had drawn their wand, but was yet to use it, so careful was she about breaking Ministry rules.</p><p>“Don’t just stand there,” Yelled Harry at Remus. “Do something!”</p><p>“There’s nothing I could do that you can’t just do yourselves.”</p><p>“This isn’t the time for a life lesson!” Harry kept yelling.</p><p>“Yes, do shut up and help us, Sweetheart!” Mary laughed, leaping onto Remus’ back and forcing him to give her a piggy-back in order to keep her above ground. Remus clung onto her and, chuckling, stumbled around one of the respective books.</p><p>Hermione rolled her eyes at Harry and called out to Remus desperately. “What do you mean? What should we do, Remus?”</p><p>“Stroke the spine, it’ll calm it right down.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Trust me. Or don’t. But if you choose the latter option you may be stuck here for sometime.”</p><p>Harry struggled to get his arm free to run his index finger down the spine of the textbook, but when he did manage it, he was pleased to find Remus had been completely right and the book relaxed beneath him. He ran out of the room to tell Ron how to do the same, while Mary hopped off of Remus’ back and walked towards Neville to help him, and Remus did Hermione’s for her. She was more than capable of course, it was just that whenever she reached down from the table to try and reach her book, it did its best to try and swallow her forearm so it seemed wiser for Remus to take charge of it.</p><p>Harry found Ron wrapped around the staircase bannister. He had leapt up onto it when the book had advanced onto him after his collision with Remus and Ron had realised he couldn’t outrun it, and so instead had decided to avoid it in a similar way to Hermione, Neville and Mary - by adopting as much height as possible and staying there for as long as it took. Harry caught hold of the book and stroked the spine, just as the front door opened and Sirius walked in. He glanced up as he went to put his keys into the bowl by the front door and then froze, staring at the boys, one of whom was still wrapped like an unusually energetic sloth around the wooden bannister. “Carry on boys, carry on.” He chuckled, walking past as though it were the most casual thing in the world, saving his questions for later in order to encourage comedic effect.</p><p>~~~</p><p>It was the night before Harry, Ron and Hermione were due to return to Hogwarts, this time with Remus in tow. Harry’s friends had stayed with them for the week leading up to the return to school the previous year and had, without really discussing it, decided it would be a tradition for them.</p><p>Hermione hadn’t stopped talking at Remus since she’d heard that he was to be their new teacher, and was currently quizzing him on his proposed syllabus so she could be sure to have her whole year planned out around it. Harry was happy to see that Remus seemed as animated as Hermione in their discussion, and he went into great detail about his plans for the year. Unlike the other teachers they had had, Remus wasn’t irritated by Hermione’s passion for learning, in fact he was encouraged by it. “Was he like this at school?” Harry whispered to Sirius as they carried the dinner plates into the dining room and could overhear Remus and Hermione’s conversation floating through from the living room.</p><p>“Well he was always a lot more interested in the academic side of school life than the rest of us, but that wasn’t a difficult feat. He always did well in tests and stuff, but he’s very naturally intelligent, like Hermione. He didn’t need to try as hard as he did. Your dad was just as smart as Moony but Moony always tried twice as hard so he got the better marks. But having said that, his transformations kept him from fulfilling his potential even then, and he missed a lot of classes because of it. Maybe if he’d had the opportunity, he would have done even better and would have dedicated himself to it even more, like Hermione does.”</p><p>“So my dad didn’t like lessons at all?”</p><p>“I wouldn’t say that… He liked some classes, like DADA, and he managed to get through the rest of them alright without too much effort. He probably would have aced every single thing if he’d tried a little harder. It was Lily that was the real brains.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Definitely. James was no dunce, but Lily was brilliant. She came top of every class, wiped the floor with the rest of us. But she was never arrogant about her intelligence, and once she started hanging around with us she was always the first to offer help in subjects we weren’t too good at, or more often hadn’t been paying attention in.”</p><p>“She and Remus must have got on well.”</p><p>“Yeah they did. We all did, but you’re right they were really good friends. He could talk to her about stuff that we didn’t really understand y’know. The academic stuff obviously, but then-…”</p><p>“What other stuff?”</p><p>“They both struggled to feel accepted by the magical world, in a way you’ll never have to experience, Harry. Your dad and I were both purebloods so we were at the top of the food chain, but Lily was Muggle-Born and even though she was beyond brilliant, she had to work twice as hard to prove it. Back then, and I fear it’s coming back into fashion, people were blinded by blood status. And Remus, obviously has his furry little problem as well.”</p><p>“It’s why he hasn’t had a job for all this time, isn’t it.”</p><p>Sirius hesitated, hating that this was the truth of his best friend’s life and then responded with a simple, “Yes.”</p><p>“Well no wonder he and Hermione get on then, she’s a Muggle-Born too, I know she doesn’t know about Remus but-…”</p><p>“But Remus will give her a chance to prove how smart she is. Some of your teachers could care less. That will mean a lot to her and it will benefit them both immensely. If someone had given Moony the attention he’s going to give to his students, he’d probably be Minister for Magic by now and we could give old Fudge-Face the boot.”</p><p>“If only.” Harry snickered.</p><p>“I don’t want you to be worried about this whole Azkaban thing, mate. It will get sorted, and Moony is going to be right there with you all year so you’ll be perfectly safe.”</p><p>“I know that. I’m not worried.”</p><p>“Good. Pass me those candles will you?”</p>
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<a name="section0041"><h2>41. chapter forty-one.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That night, when Harry got up for a drink of water, he found Mary sewing at the kitchen table in semi-darkness. “Mary? What are you doing up?” She jumped guiltily, pricking her finger on the long needle. “Sorry, sorry…”</p><p>“That’s alright, Sweetheart.” She smiled, sucking her index finger to stop the blood. “I’m almost done.”</p><p>He yawned and indicated to her project, recognising the tattered fabric. “Are they Remus’ robes?”</p><p>She nodded. “He wouldn’t let Sirius buy him any new ones and he wouldn’t ask Dumbledore for an advance on his pay, but these ones are full of holes so-…”</p><p>“So you’ve been awake sewing them up this whole time?”</p><p>“I’m going to sneak them back into his bag before he wakes up.” She smirked conspiratorially. “Speaking of waking up… You’ve got a big day tomorrow, what are you doing in here?”</p><p>Harry shrugged. “Can’t sleep.”</p><p>“You can’t get to sleep or you keep waking up?”</p><p>“Second one.” He yawned.</p><p>“Bad dreams again?”</p><p>Harry bit down on his bottom lip. “They’re different now.”</p><p>“Worse?”</p><p>“Not really, just different...:” He shrugged. “I keep seeing Pettigrew in them, standing in the corner of the room while Voldemort…”</p><p>“He won’t get you Fawn, I promise. He won’t get anywhere near you. Just wait and see, they’re going to catch him really soon, okay?”</p><p>“I know.” Harry filled his glass and hurried back out of the room. “Goodnight, Mary.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next morning Sirius called Harry into the kitchen while Remus helped the other kids levitate their trunks down the narrow staircase and into the downstairs hallway. Obligingly Harry followed Sirius into the kitchen where a long package lay wrapped carefully in brown paper on the table. “Is that for me?”</p><p>“Well it’s not for Moony!” Sirius laughed, and Harry lunged at the package tearing off the paper and revealing a brand new broom, a Firebolt. The very same that he and Ron had ogled in the shop window in Diagon Alley several times over the summer and dreamt about what it must feel like to fly on it.</p><p>“Thank you.” Harry breathed, unable to look away from the broom.</p><p>“Don’t mention it. Actually, really maybe don’t mention it to Ron until you get to school, and even then don’t make a big deal out of having it.”</p><p>“I won’t. I don’t want Ron to feel bad.”</p><p>“Exactly, good man.”</p><p>“Thanks, Sirius, I mean it. It’s a really great broom.”</p><p>“Don’t mention it.” Sirius repeated with a smirk and then added, “Just do me a favour.” He said, sinking down into one of the kitchen chairs and waiting for Harry to do the same on the opposite side of the table.</p><p>“Anything.”</p><p>“Don’t break any rules for a bit. At school I mean. Pettigrew being out might not seem like that big of a deal, and I don’t want you to be scared but-... It’s the beginning of something much bigger. He might come looking for you, do you understand that?”</p><p>“Sure, but Remus will be there so-…”</p><p>Sirius lowered his voice. “Harry you know as well as I do that, while Remus would do anything for you, there are certain things that are out of his control. Pettigrew knows that, and he’ll use it against us.”</p><p>“I guess it makes it that much harder that he knows you all so well.”</p><p>Sirius’ face hardened and he looked away. “It was a betrayal of unbelievable magnitude. I won’t rest until he continues to suffer for what he did. I made a promise, to your parents and to you.”</p><p>“Sirius, I don’t know what I’ll do if-…”</p><p>“If what?”</p><p>“If I come face to face with him. He’s the reason my parents are dead. He’s the reason you and Remus had to take me on. He ruined everything for you.”</p><p>“Listen to me, Harry.” Sirius said firmly, his voice barely more than a whisper. He folded his arms on the table and leaned toward his godson over the broomstick. “Of course I would rather James and Lily had raised you, of course I think they would have done a better job. But I love you as I loved them, as does Remus. We would have been in your life even if they had lived. We would still have always been there for you. Don’t ever think you’re imposing on us. We love you, it’s been an honour to watch you grow up and to look after you, even if you don’t need us that much anymore.”</p><p>“I still need you…”</p><p>“Then listen to me when I say again, stay out of trouble.”</p><p>“It’s not like I go looking for trouble, it just always seems to find me.”</p><p>“That’s exactly what James used to say.”</p><p>Mary wandered into the room as Sirius ruffled Harry’s hair.She stifled a yawn and sank into the kitchen chair, reaching for the coffee that Harry was offering her. “Good boy, Fawn. Keep ‘em coming.”</p><p>“What’s wrong with you?” Chortled Sirius.</p><p>“Up late.”</p><p>“What were you doing?”</p><p>Mary hesitated and then lied smoothly, “Reading.”</p><p>“You should get your priorities straight, Macdonald.” Snorted Sirius</p><p>~~~</p><p>When they arrived on Platform 9 3/4, Ron was immediately pulled away by his mother, who had evidently been waiting for the five of them to appear on the wizarding side of the wall and on the platform. She gave him a once-over, and oversaw him lumping his trunk onto the same trolley that currently held Ginny’s, and pushing it over to George to take, along with the trolley that held his, Fred’s and Percy’s own trunks, which his twin was pushing with great difficulty, to the end of the train where they would be loaded. Hermione politely thanked Sirius for having her to stay for the week, to which Sirius graciously bowed and told her that it was his pleasure. Hermione blushed and turned to Harry, telling him she would meet him on the train and told Remus with great enthusiasm that she was looking forward to taking his class this term. She then took off after the Weasleys, trying not to lose Ron in the crowd so that they would be able to claim a compartment together and save Harry a seat onboard. Harry saw Neville pop into view amongst the muddle of the Weasley clan and was pleased to see him join forces with Hermione and Ron on their way up to the train.</p><p>“I’ll see you at the school Harry.” Remus said, squeezing his shoulder. “I have to sit in a separate compartment with the other teachers travelling up from London. Besides, it would be an odd first impression for us to ride up together.”</p><p>“Everyone will know that we know each other soon enough. Most of them will probably recognise you from when you’ve both come to visit me.” Harry pointed out. “But if you think I’m going to tarnish your cool teacher-cred then I understand.”</p><p>Remus laughed. “See you there then. Bye, Padfoot.”</p><p>“Keep in touch, Moony.”</p><p>“I will. We’ll be back at Christmas.”</p><p>“You better be. Don’t get all cosy and complacent up at that school and try to ditch me. I’m going to deliver the best Christmas dinner yet!” Together Remus and Harry groaned good-naturedly, before the former picked up his small suitcase and took off striding toward the train. “I bet Remus thought he’d taken the Hogwarts Express for the last time.” Sirius chuckled, watching his friend go.</p><p>“He looks happy, don’t you think.” Harry pondered.</p><p>“He is happy.” Sirius assured him. “He’s been craving this kind of thing for years, and teaching will suit him to the bone, I’ve always thought so.”</p><p>“Are you going to be alright, being all alone?”</p><p>“Are you crazy? Of course I will be. You know, I was my own person before you and Moony wandered into my life, I think I can handle a bit of peace and quiet.”</p><p>“Whatever you have to tell yourself.” Giggled Harry.</p><p>“I will miss you both though, don’t think I won’t. I’m going to try and come and watch you play a few Quidditch games when I get a chance. Or will having both of us there really be uncool?”</p><p>“Nah, it would be cool.” Harry mumbled sheepishly, scuffing the toe of his shoe along the floor. “Very cool.”</p><p>“Good, because I was probably going to sneak in and watch whatever you said.”</p><p>“I figured as much.” As they dumped Harry’s trunk with the rest of those being loaded onto the train, the Hogwarts Express gave a howl that indicated that it would be leaving in five minutes. Harry scanned the windows of the train and spotted Hermione and Ron settling themselves in one of the centre compartments, and turned back to Sirius with a sad smile on his lips. “See you at Christmas.” He said.</p><p>“If not before.” His godfather replied, an unspoken promise lingering heavily on his words. They hugged briefly, but tightly, Harry clinging on just for a moment, as though holding onto the security that Sirius had always offered. Hugging Sirius was a reminder of childhood, and it was something Harry wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to entirely. As they pulled apart, Sirius ruffled Harry’s hair, making its tufts stand up even more unevenly than usual and tugged on the front of his robes, neatening them slightly. “Off you go then, and remember what I said about keeping a low profile.” He said, giving Harry a gentle shove in the direction of the train.</p><p>Harry climbed aboard without turning back, knowing he would have time to wave goodbye and catch a last glimpse of his godfather before the train pulled out of the station. He found Ron and Hermione with minimal effort, stopping only briefly to call greetings to his other Hogwarts friends, eager to reach his compartment before they left for school. He slipped into the corner seat of the compartment, joining Ron and Hermione as they looked out of the window and waved goodbye. Harry spotted Sirius immediately, because he’d been collected by Mr and Mrs Weasley who were always easy to spot in a crowd, although their visibility was somewhat diminished by the absence of their brood of red-haired children. Sirius grinned when he saw Harry’s face appear in the window beside his two friends, and he raised his hand to wave goodbye. Harry returned the wave enthusiastically and then watched as Sirius directed his attention to a point out of Harry’s view, where he seemed to wink and wave to somebody else. Harry realised immediately that he was waving to Remus, and his stomach gave an excited jolt as he realised that Remus really was going to teach at Hogwarts, and he wondered how he was feeling at that moment.</p><p>The train gave a jolt as the clock hit the hour, and the engine began to puff and wheeze as they inched forward. Harry looked back out at Sirius and the Weasleys, and suddenly had a jarring realisation. Fumbling in the pockets of his robes, he grabbed out his Hogwarts letter and the other piece of parchment that had accompanied it. He pushed the window of the compartment down and pushed himself half out of it in his haste to get Sirius’ attention. His godfather lurched forward anxiously, his eyes wide and his arms outstretched as though he imagined he might be able to catch Harry if he suddenly tumbled out of the train window and onto the tracks below. Mrs Weasley cried out, her hands fluttering to her face as she too stumbled forward after Sirius. Hermione and Ron, equally alarmed at Harry’s sudden movement, latched themselves onto his robes and legs respectively, tugging him back inside while Neville worked on trying to push the window back up, despite Harry still being half out of it. Harry ignored them, kicking Ron off of him as gently as he could and yelling out of the window at his godfather. “Wait, Sirius you haven’t signed my Hogsmeade form!” He cried, waving the slip of parchment out of the train window.</p><p>Sirius physically relaxed and his face broke into a grin. Rolling his eyes, he remained on the platform as the train moved away, laughing and waving goodbye with the Weasleys. “Give it to Moony, he can sign it for you.” He called back. Harry slumped back into his seat, craning his neck for one last look of his godfather as the train pulled away. He considered going in search of Remus in the teacher’s compartment, just to get the signing of the form out of the way, but decided it would be best just to wait until they got to the school. He resisted his urge to go and check on Remus anyway, to see how he was feeling about their imminent arrival. The first Hogsmeade trip wouldn’t be for a few weeks, they had plenty of time.</p><p>Shoving the permission slip back into his robes, he folded his arms over his chest and turned to his friends. Neville was digging around in his bag, searching for the lunchbox his grandmother had packed him with the intention of swapping items with Ron in the form of a bartering system. The latter was watching the world flash by out of the window that Harry had just clambered back in through, while Hermione had already pulled out a thick textbook and was flicking through its pages. When she found her place, evidently where she had left off reading the night before, halfway through the book, she nestled further into her seat, ready to ignore the three boys presumably for the rest of the journey. Harry was too hyped up to content himself with this, and interrupted her immediately. “What are you reading?” He asked her.</p><p>She looked at him with wide, incredulous eyes, as though he had just said something unbelievably offensive. Then she tipped the book over so that she could see the cover, as though she were hoping she was mistaken about something. “Are you joking?” She asked solemnly.</p><p>“Um…”</p><p>“It’s one of our set books for Defence Against the Dark Arts.”</p><p>“Oh… Any good?”</p><p>“Are you telling me you haven't started reading it?”</p><p>“Why would I have?”</p><p>“Maybe because Remus is teaching that class.”</p><p>“Yeah I know, but he doesn’t expect us to know anything on the first day.” Harry shrugged. “That’s the whole point, isn’t it? That he actually teach us the stuff in that book.”</p><p>“Harry, people will expect you to do well this year.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Ignore Hermione.” Ron chipped in. “You should make an effort not to do that well, especially in the first few weeks, otherwise people will think he’s favouring you because he knows you so well.”</p><p>“He knows you and Hermione too.”</p><p>“Yeah but it’s not really the same is it.”</p><p>“Harry you can’t seriously be considering Ron’s advice. You’re not going to put your education at risk for the sake of some people thinking you’re a teacher’s pet or a know-it-all are you?”</p><p>“Why? Recommend the lifestyle do you?” Ron teased her and Hermione flushed red.</p><p>“Fine, throw your lives away. I intend to do well in Professor Lupin’s class.”</p><p>“Blimey, do we have to call him Professor Lupin now?”</p><p>“At school I guess we do, or at least in class. I suppose if we’re just talking to him by ourselves we can call him Remus like we usually do. Though I doubt he’ll care what we call him, it's the other teachers that’ll insist we give him the proper respect or whatever.”</p><p>“It’s going to be weird, isn’t it?” Said Ron. “Having him around, I mean.”</p><p>“Not really.” Harry replied defensively. “We’ll pretty much stay out of each other’s way. But it’s not like I need to worry about him embarrassing me or anything. Y’know… I like Remus. Should be nice to have him around.”</p><p>“I still can’t believe you aren’t preparing for his class.”</p><p>“Don’t go on about it, please Hermione. I’m treating Remus’ class the same as I would any of my others. I didn’t read ahead for Quirrell or Lockhart, and I’m not going to read ahead for Remus.” He sunk back down into his seat and watched as the outskirts of London were replaced with warm yellow country scenery.</p><p>One home rolled completely out of view as another drew ever closer. Ron smirked mischievously the moment they were clearly out of London and dug inside the pocket of his robes. “Look what I’ve got!” He withdrew a small, scabby rat.</p><p>Hermione shrieked and then howled in pain as Crookshanks dug his startled claws into her thigh. “Ron, that’s disgusting! Why do you have it?”</p><p>“Him, not It. I found him. Mum and Dad won’t let me get a pet because they think they’re expensive but I’m going to look after him all by myself this term and then they’ll realise it’s fine.”</p><p>“He’s a bit… weird-looking.” Harry noted as gently as he could muster, peering at the rat’s ugly face.</p><p>“Yeah, right now he is.” Ron moped. “But once I get some proper food into him and stuff, he’ll be alright. I reckon he’s been living on the streets. It’ll be like when Mary came to live with you, Harry. She started off all tired and scrawny but she was okay once she had people to take care of her.”</p><p>“Mary is not a rat, Ronald.” Scolded Hermione.</p><p>Before an argument could break out between them, Harry asked Ron, “Have you given him a name?”</p><p>Ron grinned, a little proudly, and held the rat up to the light in their compartment. “Scabbers.” He declared.</p>
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<a name="section0042"><h2>42. chapter forty-two.</h2></a>
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    <p>Harry struggled awake and found himself lying on the floor of their compartment. His head was screaming with pain. When he opened his eyes, he saw Remus’ concerned face hovering above him. “What are you doing in here? What happened?”</p><p>“Don’t sit up yet.” Remus shushed him, pushing him back to the floor. “I was concerned that the train was stopping, and decided to come and check that everything was alright. Hermione ran into me on my way to you and told me you’d collapsed.”</p><p>“He scared the dementor away, Harry!”</p><p>“The… dementor?” Harry knew, of course, what dementors were. Remus and Sirius had explained the whole concept to him many times, whenever the creatures came up in their conversations of the Ministry or Azkaban. Molly had told them off many times for telling him too much, but they had always argued that it was knowledge he might need one day. Now, he had needed that information and yet was unable to conjure it. He hadn’t been able to defend himself. “I need some air.” He announced, pulling himself up off of the floor and stalking out of the compartment. Only Remus followed him, taking several long strides so that he overtook Harry and was able to lead him into the private teacher’s compartment; he'd spent the majority of the trip inside alone.</p><p>“There’s no need to be embarrassed by what happened, Harry.” Remus said fairly. “It must have been unpleasant, but I don’t want you upsetting yourself over this.”</p><p>“Did anyone else faint?”</p><p>Remus missed a beat before replying, “Not to my knowledge, but you really can’t draw comparisons over things like this.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Your peers have not been through the same things you have.” Remus reminded him lowly. “Creatures such as the dementors were always bound to affect you in a different way than they do others.”</p><p>Harry repressed the swell of unfairness that moved in his chest. “Why was it here?”</p><p>“Pettigrew.”</p><p>“Why would he be on the train to Hogwarts?”</p><p>“He wouldn’t be, there’s no way he’d be able to get through all the security to get aboard, but the dementors didn’t know that.” Remus explained patiently. “They’re on their way to guard Hogwarts and they obviously decided to check out the train. It was highly irregular, if I had known it was going to happen I would have warned you. I wouldn’t be surprised if Professor Dumbledore receives some rather angry letters from the parents of the students on this train.”</p><p>“Did Dumbledore employ them then?”</p><p>“No, it was the Ministry’s idea.”</p><p>“But why Hogwarts?”</p><p>Remus inhaled deeply and then said, “Do you remember what Sirius said to you before we left? Pettigrew might come looking for you. It would be unwise of him to do so, but we can’t ignore the possibility that he might. And if he does, he might let his master know how to do it too.”</p><p>“Voldemort?”</p><p>“Exactly. The Ministry is terrified of Voldemort returning, and if he gets to you, which-…” He said quickly. “He won’t, Sirius and I won’t let that happen. But if he did, it would be a terrible scandal for the Ministry.”</p><p>“If they’re going to be at Hogwarts, does that mean that I’m going to keep fainting?”</p><p>“I hope not. I’m going to teach you the spell to repel them, though it is extremely difficult, even for wizards much older and more advanced than yourself. For now, just do as Sirius advised, stay out of trouble and stay away from the dementors. They’ll apprehend Pettigrew soon enough. Try not to worry.” Harry shivered and realised he still felt extremely cold. Remus furrowed his brow and fumbled in one of his bags for a moment, retrieving a large bar of Honeydukes chocolate. “Eat this, it helps with that feeling.”</p><p>“I might go back to my compartment now.” Harry said, as the chocolate stuck to the roof of his mouth and locked his jaws together like sticky tar. “We’re almost there.”</p><p>“Good idea, share that chocolate with your friends, they’ve had a scare too.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Harry knocked on the door to Remus’ new office that evening timidly, hoping to give the impression that Remus’ visitor was a nervous First-Year and not himself. “Come in.” Came Remus' voice and Harry slipped inside, looking around in surprise. It looked completely different to the way it had looked when Lockhart had occupied it, and Harry had been forced to complete detentions within its walls, as he should have expected it would have. It had a distinctly elegant, and well, Remus-esque, quality to it now, with various Defence Against The Dark Arts artefacts scattered around it in an orderly fashion. Some of these objects Harry recognised as old favourites from Remus’ collection, and others he had clearly acquired specifically for use in his classes. Glancing at the large oak desk, Harry saw Remus smirking at him, clearly enjoying his reaction to the decor. When Harry caught his eye, they both grinned and Remus remarked, “Ah, Mr Potter. How can I help?”</p><p>“Well, Professor,” Harry replied pointedly, “I just thought I’d see how you were settling in. I thought you might need some help getting organised, but I think I’m too late.”</p><p>“Yes, I’m afraid you are. Andromeda taught me a rather nifty spell for getting it all unpacked which tends to come in useful from time to time. But you don’t have to rush off just because there’s nothing else to do. Sit down.”</p><p>Harry obliged, throwing himself down into the cushy leather armchair that sat on the opposite side of Remus’ desk. “Have you heard from Sirius yet?” He asked casually, still looking around the room as he noticed more and more obscure objects hiding in the dusty corners.</p><p>“Not yet. I’ll write to him later on, to let him know we both arrived safely. He said he wouldn’t bother me while I was getting settled but he’ll be feeling lonely I’m sure.”</p><p>“Mrs Weasley said she’d send him a meal every once in a while to make sure he didn’t starve.”</p><p>Remus laughed. “I think it’s more likely he’ll go stir-crazy from boredom before he starves. He’s bad enough when just you leave, now he’ll have the house to himself. He’ll go nuts.”</p><p>“You’re probably right, it’s a shame Mary isn’t there.”</p><p>“Mary has her own life to be getting on with,” Remus reminded him gently. “Sirius will be just fine by himself.”</p><p>“Are you going to tell him about the dementor?”</p><p>“Yes, I am. I think it’s best he knows. But I don’t think he’ll worry too much about it, and neither should you.”</p><p>“Okay… Hey, you know I’ve always wondered something about the teachers at Hogwarts.”</p><p>“If you think I’m going to be an insider source that you can abuse you’re going to be disappointed.”</p><p>Harry smirked. “Nothing like that, just… Where do you sleep?”</p><p>“We have attic rooms.”</p><p>“Are they numbered or-…”</p><p>Remus smiled understandingly and lowered his voice. “Harry if you need me, surely you can just come to my office. You haven’t needed either of us during the night in a very long time, and you’ve spent two years away from home by now-…”</p><p>“Not for my sake!” Harry burst, flushing red with embarrassment. “I don’t need you… Well not like that, I can come find you here like you said. But you’re not very good at waking up in the mornings, you might need me to check on you and get you up.”</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes. “I have an alarm clock.”</p><p>“Yeah but you have one of those at home too and yet you still don’t wake up.” Harry teased.</p><p>“I never had anything to wake up for! I have responsibilities now, I’ll have classes to tend to.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“Harry, I will see you bright and early in our first class together tomorrow morning.” Remus promised him.</p><p>“Is that ‘Professor Lupin’ speak for ‘get out of my office, you’re annoying me’?”</p><p>Remus laughed. “You’re quite welcome to stay, but it will seem odd if, instead of spending your first night back at Hogwarts in the Gryffindor Common Room with your school friends, you spend it hanging out in a dingy office with your teacher.”</p><p>“That’s true, maybe I will go.” Harry stood and pushed his chair in.</p><p>“Alright then, have a nice evening… Harry, if you do need me at any point, you know where I am.”</p><p>Harry smirked. “Likewise… Professor.”</p>
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<a name="section0043"><h2>43. chapter forty-three.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus walked through the door of the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom the next morning with barely a minute to spare, seemingly calm and casual but a thin sheen of sweat covered his face and as he passed Harry’s desk he suppressed a sheepish smile. Harry grinned and made a mental note to ask Sirius to send a comical alarm clock to tease Remus with.</p><p>The class began with instant interest as Remus told them that they would be having a practical lesson in the staff room, where they would attempt to banish a boggart from an old cloak closet. After teaching them what a boggart was and the spell to aim at them, the students lined up one by one to try it out. At one point though, Remus got in the way of Pansy Parkinson’s boggart and the creature shifted immediately. As Remus stood before the boggart, it warped and twisted into a misty full moon and Remus paled, the corner of his mouth twitching of its own accord. As his classmates muttered and peered at the image, trying to work out what it was and why their teacher would be afraid of it, Harry glanced around and within a moment had raced across the room to shove over a stack of their classroom chairs. The clatter sent up screams amongst a few of the girls in the class, and while his peers whipped around to find the source of the noise, only to find Harry looking at the mess he had made in faux-shock, as though he had simply leant against them gently instead of rocketing himself at them at full force. He was aware that he would have a rather nasty bruise on his upper arm as a result but he was more occupied with watching Remus, who had now snapped out of his fear-ridden state long enough to perform both the Riddikulus spell and a quick tidying charm aimed at the spot next to Harry. “And with that dramatic finish,” Remus smiled cooly at Harry. “I think we’ve done enough for today. Class dismissed.” Pleased to hear some of his classmates groan with reluctance to leave Remus’ class amongst excited whisperings over their new professor, Harry pushed through the throng of exiting pupils and pulled up alongside Remus’ desk, which the latter had just sunk down into the chair behind and had put his head into his hands.</p><p>“Nobody noticed.” Harry offered feebly. “I know that’s not the point, but they didn’t. They all loved the class, and for good reason. We’ve never had such a good teacher Remus.”</p><p>“I knew this was a mistake.” Muttered Remus.</p><p>“No, you’re wrong,” Harry rushed, desperate for Remus not to give up. “It wasn’t a mistake. Don’t say that.”</p><p>“Harry, I just almost revealed what I am to a classroom full of children." Remus hissed. "The fact that I’m allowing myself to even be in a classroom of children is bad enough.”</p><p>“Remus, you’re not dangerous.” Harry said firmly. </p><p>Remus smiled weakly. “Now I’m afraid that it is you that is the one that is wrong, Harry.”</p><p>“I know you’re not dangerous, even if you don’t believe it. But whatever you do, don’t quit, not now.”</p><p>“I’ll see out the term." Remus said reluctantly. "I won’t promise more than that. If there are any more slip-ups then-…”</p><p>“There won’t be. I’m sure of it.”</p><p>Remus nodded curtly. “Thank you for doing that, by the way. I wish it hadn't been necessary, but you rather saved me just now.”</p><p>Harry rolled his eyes. “Please, you’ve been saving me for my entire life. It’s about time I paid back the favour. Remind me to save Sirius from a near-death experience when we’re on Christmas break to make it even.”</p><p>“I’ll be sure to do that. Now hurry or you’ll miss your next class.”</p><p>“Good, I hope I do.”</p><p>Remus snorted and began to gather his books up. “It wouldn’t be Potions by any chance would it?”</p><p>“How did you guess?”</p><p>“Just a hunch. You’d really better hurry, the dungeons take several minutes to get to and I’m not writing you a note to excuse your lateness on my first day.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next day, Harry ran into Remus’ office without knocking. “REMUS REMUS REMUS REMUS REMUS!”</p><p>“Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry!”</p><p>“I rode a Hippogriff in Hagrid’s class!”</p><p>“Buckbeak let you ride him during your first meeting?” Remus asked, impressed. “You must have a way with him, an energy that he likes. Hippogriffs aren’t usually-…”</p><p>“It was amazing. I was flying and-…”</p><p>Remus chuckled. “You’re always flying.” He reminded him. </p><p>“Yeah but this was different." Harry insisted. "I don’t know how to describe it. It was like-… Like I was free.”</p><p>“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. How was the rest of the morning?”</p><p>“Fine, except Malfoy’s being a prat again.”</p><p>“Isn’t that his natural state?” Snorted Remus and then glanced up, a flash of panic on his face. “Actually, scratch that. As his teacher I’m not sure I’m allowed to call him a prat.”</p><p>Harry rolled his eyes. “But he is a prat.”</p><p>“I know that but I’m still not supposed to say it aloud, especially not to you.”</p><p>“Why not? You’re just calling it as it is.”</p><p>“Anyway, what did he do today that was particularly prattish?” Remus prompted, hoping to steer the conversation elsewhere.</p><p>Harry shrugged. “Just made fun of me for the dementor thing.”</p><p>“Really?” Remus’s expressions hardened. “How did he even know-…”</p><p>“Word spreads fast around here.”</p><p>“Nothing changes, I suppose.” Remus sighed. “Are you alright?”</p><p>“It’s just Malfoy, I’m used to it.”</p><p>“Alright, well as always let me know if it escalates. I can have a word with Severus about it.”</p><p>Harry guffawed. “Yeah, good luck with that.”</p><p>“He’s my colleague.” Remus reminded Harry sternly.</p><p>“He’s a prat too.”</p><p>“Hmm must be catching... Stay away from them or else you could become a prat. You know, I think you might already be showing symptoms…” He reached towards Harry as though he was going to check his temperature. </p><p>“Shove off.” Harry giggled, pushing Remus' hand away from his forehead. </p><p>“Careful or I’ll give you a detention.” Remus winked at him.</p><p>“Please do, it would be nice if I could get away from Ron and Hermione’s bickering for an evening.” Harry muttered sarcastically.</p><p>Remus winced. “That bad?”</p><p>“Ridiculously so. Ron’s new rat is only making this worse. Crookshanks keeps chasing it and-...”</p><p>“Ron’s new what?”</p><p>Harry paled slightly as he realised what he’d let slip. “Oh… Don’t tell Mrs Weasley, but he found his rat and he’s decided to, I don’t know, raise it as his own or something. It’s a stupid idea, he’ll probably set it free in a month.”</p><p>“I never understood people who liked rats.” Noticing Harry’s raised eyebrow he added snappishly, “As pets, I mean. They always kind of creeped me out, with one notable exception. Although now of course…”</p><p>“It’ll be alright.” Harry rushed, unwilling to let Remus linger on the thought of Pettigrew longer than he had to. “As I say, he’ll be bored of it soon.”</p><p>“I hope, for the sake of his and Hermione’s friendship, that you’re right.”</p><p>“When are you going to teach me how to do a Patronus?” Harry asked eagerly, suddenly recalling Remus’ promise to him on the train ride to Hogwarts.</p><p>Remus seemed to jump slightly and then he smiled. “I’d quite forgotten about that. Well, we can begin any time you’d like. I have some time now if you don’t have anywhere else to be?”</p><p>“Sure, let’s do it!”</p><p>“Alright then, follow me.” Remus led Harry out of his office in the direction of a classroom Harry had never entered before. “I can’t get hold of any real dementors for this, so we’ll have to make do with a boggart.” He pushed open the classroom door and Harry’s eyes widened as he saw a trunk rocking violently in the corner of the room. “Now, Harry, I don’t want you to have too high of an expectation for this first lesson. It can take years to master something like a patronus, so you mustn’t get disheartened if you don’t get it straight away.”</p><p>Harry nodded firmly. “Alright… So how do you do it?”</p><p>“There is a spell, the words are Expecto Patronum. But there is much more to it than that. Similarly to the Unforgivable Curses, you have to really mean the Patronus Charm. It takes a lot more than simply saying the words.”</p><p>“Expecto Patronum.” Harry mumbled, clenching his wand tight. “Okay… What else do you do, then?”</p><p>“You must think of your happiest memory and hold it firm in your mind. It must be your absolute happiest or it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to produce the Patronus.”</p><p>Harry’s brow creased in concentration and he was quiet for several moments. Then, he said dejectedly, “I can’t think-...”</p><p>“Oh Harry, it’s alright. I’m sure we can think of one happy memory… How about-...”</p><p>“No, I mean, I can’t think of my absolute happiest memory… they’ve all  been really happy. I don’t know how to pick.”</p><p>“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that that is a rather wonderful problem to have.” Remus grinned. “How about your time in Egypt? Or the first time you rode a broom?”</p><p>Harry thought for a moment and then said, “I think I’ve got it!”</p><p>“Excellent, why don’t you give it a try? Now, remember I’m right here if anything goes wrong so don’t let your nerves get in the way of your memory.” With that, Remus released the boggart from the trunk and a dementor rose from its depths.</p><p>Harry froze momentarily, afraid he would say the spell wrong, but he steeled himself. Closing his eyes, and keeping his memory in the forefront of his mind, he cried out, “Expecto Patronum!” A silvery light burst from his wand and the dementor was flung back into the trunk, which Remus closed with a bang after it. He stared at Harry, his expression unreadable. “Did I do something wrong?” Harry asked him nervously.</p><p>“Wrong? My dear boy, I have never heard of anyone, especially a thirteen-year-old wizard, produce a Patronus on their very first try." Remus exclaimed, looking more animated than Harry had seen him in weeks. "What memory did you use? It must have been very powerful.”</p><p>“It was when you and Sirius came to get me from the Burrow, after you caught Pettigrew." Harry's cheeks bloomed pink. "It was the first time I really knew I was never going to be alone, that you’d both always come back for me. It made me really happy and-... And I felt really safe and loved.”</p><p>Remus grinned and nodded. “A very good choice.” He whispered. “And your Patronus, did you see what it was?”</p><p>Harry shrugged. “It just looked like light to me.”</p><p>“I recognised it immediately." Remus said, almost to himself. "It was a stag, just like-...”</p><p>“My dad.”</p><p>“Just like James, yes.” Remus nodded, seeing his old friend more clearly than he had in years. “That was wonderful Harry, you should be very proud of yourself. But it’s getting late, so you ought to go up to the Common Room.”</p><p>“Okay… Thanks Remus. For everything.”</p>
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<a name="section0044"><h2>44. chapter forty-four.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Despite what he had said to Hermione on the train, Harry found himself putting more effort into Defence Against the Dark Arts than he had ever put into any of his classes. He couldn’t help himself, he found what they were learning and the way Remus was teaching it to them so interesting that the moment his classes were over for the day, he found himself reaching for his textbook or itching to begin working on their set homework. Hermione was quietly pleased, though was clearly trying not to turn him off working so hard by gloating, and even Ron, though slightly less motivated than Harry, complained less about the workload for Remus’ class than any of his others.</p><p>He was enjoying his schoolwork so much that he barely realised that the first Hogsmeade trip of the term was coming up until the day before. He lined up with the others and handed his permission slip, freshly signed by Remus, to Professor McGonagall. She looked at it and bit her bottom lip before shaking her head and handing the parchment back to him. “I’m sorry Mr Potter, but I can’t accept your permission form.”</p><p>His heart dropped. “Why not?”</p><p>“Well, " She gave him a sympathetic look. "While I and the other professors understand your situation and your relationship to Professor Lupin, legally he is not your guardian and so cannot sign your form.”</p><p>“But he helped raise me.”</p><p>“I understand that,” McGonnagal sighed. “But on paper he does not have any right to give you permission to do anything.”</p><p>“He’s a teacher.” Pushed Harry.</p><p>“That still doesn’t give him the right to let you go to Hogsmeade, just as he does not have the right to give any other student permission to leave school grounds without their parent or guardian’s consent. For you, that consent and subsequent permission must come directly from Mr Black. It will be alright, Potter. Just send the form home and I’m sure he’ll send it right back signed and you can go on the next trip.”</p><p>As a last resort, Harry asked, “Can I get an I.O.U permission slip so I can go on this trip?” Even as the words left his lips, they turned up into a smirk as he realised there was no way this was going to work.</p><p>Exasperated, McGonnagal sighed, though Harry was sure there was an air of fondness in her tone. “God, you really are James Potter’s son. A Potter through and through, aren’t you? Listen, if it was up to me, I would let you go on the trip, but since it is not, I’m afraid you’ll have to remain in the castle. Now, run along to the Common Room or perhaps the library, get ahead on some of your homework." She looked pointedly at him, no doubt thinking of the Transfiguration essay she had set his class the previous day. "Make use of this time.”</p><p>Dejected, Harry walked away from McGonagall without even waving goodbye to his friends. However, instead of going to the Common Room or the Library as McGonnagal had suggested, Harry took himself directly to Remus’ office. Knocking and opening the door at the same time, striding in and flopping down in the armchair with a huff. “Come in.” Remus smirked, putting down his quill. “What’s the matter-… Hang on…” He said, his brow furrowing as he looked at the clock on the wall. “Why aren’t you on your way to Hogsmeade?”</p><p>“They won’t let me go.” Harry crossed his arms over his chest.</p><p>“Why not? You have permission. Are you being punished for something?”</p><p>“No! I’ve been on even better behaviour than usual just to make sure I could go. Apparently my permission slip has to be signed by Sirius, even though he said that you could sign it and you’re basically my other godfather anyway.” Harry threw the useless sheet of parchment onto the desk.</p><p>Remus’ face relaxed into a soft, touched smile. “I’m glad you feel that way about me.”</p><p>Harry shrugged. “‘Course I do. I’ve known you my whole life, you’ve always looked after me. I thought you and Sirius shared guardianship anyway.”</p><p>“Well, we do in a way, but it’s unofficial." Remus told him guiltily. "We never got around to filling in the Ministry paperwork, so as far as they’re concerned I’m nobody of any consequence to you. I should have seen this coming actually. It’s true that in a legal sense Sirius is the only one that has any claim over you. I suppose I thought that since the teachers know about us that it would be fine, I shouldn’t have made that assumption. I’m sorry that you can’t go to Hogsmeade today, but I’ll send this back to Sirius and make sure he sends it back immediately so you can go next time.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Harry mumbled, still clearly disappointed. He stood as if to leave, but Remus’ face brightened and he put his hand up to halt the boy in his tracks.</p><p>“Wait a minute, Harry." Remus' eyes flashed with an idea. "Maybe there’s a way that you could go today.”</p><p>“How? McGonnagal said I needed permission from Sirius.”</p><p>“And so you do, to go into the village unsupervised and for a pleasure-visit. If it were an excursion however, a learning experience.”</p><p>Harry grinned as the realisation dawned on him. “You’ll take me into Hogsmeade?”</p><p>“Only if you’re not going to get embarrassed about being seen with a teacher.” Chuckled Remus, reaching for his outside cloak.</p><p>“Of course not, well not with you anyway. If I was wandering around with Professor Sprout it might be different. Everyone knows that we know each other, and everyone thinks you’re the coolest teacher at the school.”</p><p>“Then what are we waiting for?”</p><p>Harry hesitated, unwilling to get Remus into any trouble. “Don’t you have work to do? Marking or something?”</p><p>“Taking a student on an educational excursion is work, Mr Potter. Besides, it’s a Saturday, I can take a few hours off. Let’s go.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>That night, Harry was telling Ginny all about his trip with Remus when Fred and George pounced on them in the Common Room. “Ginny, give us a second, will you?” George prompted, nudging her out of her seat.</p><p>“Why do I have to leave?”</p><p>Fred smirked. “We have some… men’s business to discuss with Harry.” Ginny’s eyes widened and she pulled a face before scampering away up to her dormitory.</p><p>Harry recoiled. “Ew… Can I leave too?”</p><p>George ignored him and grinned. “We have a present for you, young Mr Potter.”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>Fred reached into the pocket of his robes and handed Harry a thick piece of folded parchment. “This, Harry, is the Marauder’s Map!”</p><p>Harry jumped up, ecstatic, and demanded, “What? Where did you find it?”</p><p>The twins exchanged confused glances. “Truthfully we thought you’d be a little more confused. Do you know what this is?”</p><p>“Of course I do!”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>Harry suddenly remembered that nobody was supposed to know about the map and backtracked frantically, “My-… um, I read about it somewhere.”</p><p>“Really?” George sounded amazed. “We scoured the library looking for information about this thing. We couldn’t find anything.”</p><p>“Oh… Remus has this old book at home so-...”</p><p>“Cool.” Fred nodded, cutting a relieved Harry off. “Anyway, this is how it works…”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Harry barely knocked before barging into Remus’ office. Before Remus could protest, Harry withdrew the map from his pocket and slapped it down in the centre of the desk. “Where did you find it?” Remus gasped, grabbing the map.</p><p>“Sirius was right, Filch did take it but Fred and George nicked it from him in their first year!” Harry grinned breathlessly. “They’ve been using it ever since, but thought I’d get more use out of it.”</p><p>“That sounds about right, I should have suspected the twins.” Remus chuckled. “They’ve always reminded me of Sirius and your dad when we were all at school. Speaking of, did you tell them how you knew about it?”</p><p>“No, I pretended I’d read about it somewhere.”</p><p>“Good thing they won’t go fact-checking that. Very few people know about it.”</p><p>“Can I keep it?”</p><p>“In ordinary circumstances I would insist upon it, it’s an extremely useful document… But I think for right now I should keep hold of it.”</p><p>“You’re looking for Pettigrew, aren’t you?”</p><p>“Among other people… Besides, it could easily be confiscated off of you, but no one will look twice at me carrying it around.”</p><p>“Okay.” Harry nodded.</p><p>“I promise, once this is all over, I’ll give it back to you.”</p><p>Harry grinned. “Thanks Remus.”</p>
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<a name="section0045"><h2>45. chapter forty-five.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day, Harry was eating lunch in the Great Hall with his friends when Remus tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned for him to follow him. Harry did so, a little confused, and followed Remus all the way to Professor McGonagall’s office. Remus knocked once and then pushed open the door, revealing McGonagall at her desk and Sirius standing in the centre of the room. “Sirius! What are you doing here?” Harry ran forward and hugged his godfather around the middle.</p><p>“I thought since I cost you a trip to Hogsmeade that I’d better deliver the slip myself and offer a face-to-face apology.” Sirius pulled back to look at Harry. “Although I hear you got to go on an excursion with your Defence Against The Dark Arts professor, so maybe the day wasn’t a waste after all.” He winked at Remus.</p><p>“Are you going to stay for the Quidditch game tomorrow?”</p><p>“Sure, why not.” He shrugged. “I’m sure I can get a room in Hogsmeade for the night.”</p><p>“Nonsense,” McGonnagal said. “There’s a spare teacher’s room that’s been empty all year. You can sleep there tonight.”</p><p>“Thank you Professor.”</p><p>“You’re welcome, Sirius.” McGonnagal nodded professionally, though the curve of her lips hinted at an old fondness for Sirius that still lingered from the days when most of her evenings were spent with him in some form of detention, or finding him waiting outside of her office at all times of the day with a note from various teachers telling of his misdemeanours. In fact, she was the first person to be notified when Sirius had left home and moved in with the Potters, and had kept a maternal eye on him from that moment on. She settled back behind her desk as the door clicked shut behind Sirius and Harry, who were on their way to the Black Lake, and returned to her copy of Transfiguration Today, which had fallen to the floor in her surprise at seeing Sirius Black appear in her office not long before.</p><p>“I’m also here to cosign a document that states that Moony can act as guardian in my absence for all school-based duty-of-care things. I tried to get the full guardianship papers again but you know what the Ministry is like, they’ll take a few months at the very least, even with Arthur helping to speed it along. This will have to do in the meantime.”</p><p>Remus hesitated, reading the document on McGonagall’s desk that Sirius had brought with him. “I can’t sign this.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Well, we haven’t asked Harry if he even wants me to be his guardian for one thing.”</p><p>“Of course I do!” Harry cried out. “Besides, I didn’t have a choice of whether Sirius was my guardian and that worked out great.”</p><p>“Yes but this is different. You do have a choice and I won’t be offended if you say you’d rather I wasn’t your guardian.”</p><p>“Please just sign the papers, Moony.” Harry smiled. “The sooner the better.”</p><p>“He’s right, Remus.” Sirius said solemnly. “You’ve been part of this for just as long as I have and if anything you’ve done a better job of looking after Harry than I have. I could never ever have done it without you, you know that.”</p><p>“You both did a good job.” Harry said patiently. "I love you both, and I see you both as a kind of parent to me. I want you to both have the legal right to be a part of my life no matter what happens. Please sign them.”</p><p>“Okay. Thank you Harry, that means more than you’ll ever know.” Remus squeezed Harry’s shoulder and picked up his quill to sign.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Sirius did stay for the Quidditch game but left soon after, knowing that Harry would be upset that Gryffindor hadn’t managed to win. The following Monday, Harry and his classmates filed into Defence Against the Dark Arts, where Remus gave an in-depth, but purely theory-based, lesson about duelling. “You might not believe it now, but being an organised wizard, being an organised fighter is essential to surviving an attack.” He said quietly and all of the students leaned forward in their chairs, listening intently. “The thing about Dark Magic is that bad wizards don’t fight fair. If you lose your footing, they don’t wait until you’ve regained your balance. If you drop your wand, they won’t wait until you’re armed. They are opportunists and they will strike whenever they can with whatever they’ve got. So you need to be prepared.”</p><p>His face was serious and gray for the entirety of the lesson and when the bell rang, his class filed out in silence. “What was all that stuff about being organised about?” Hissed Ron when they hit the corridor. “It was different to when he, Sirius and Mary taught us to duel when we stayed at Shell Cottage. He sounded angry or scared or something this time around.”</p><p>“I think he was thinking about my dad.” Harry replied, trying to ignore the ache in his chest at the memory.</p><p>“Your dad?”</p><p>“Sirius told me that Voldemort killed my dad when he wasn’t even armed.”</p><p>Hermione gasped. “Oh that’s terrible.”</p><p>“At least you know how much he loved you.” Luna mused, catching up to them as her own class let out further down the corridor.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“He ran between your mother and you and the most powerful dark wizard of all time without even a wand to protect him. He must have known he wouldn’t survive, but he did it with the hope that he could save you and your mother. That’s a pretty remarkable show of love.”</p><p>“Can we get back to the fact that you were taught to duel when you were eleven years old please?” Hermione exclaimed.</p><p>“I was ten.” Harry corrected her.</p><p>Ron opened his mouth to tell her not to lecture them, but Hermione surprised them all by asking, "How did they do it? Do you remember any of it?"</p><p>“A bit…” Harry replied warily. “But they were really doing it because Fred and George asked and they only showed us some basics.”</p><p>“Do you think they’d show us again?”</p><p>“Why are you so interested?” Ron asked accusingly.</p><p>“Do you think you’re the only person that’s worried that Pettigrew might show up at the school?” Hermione snapped, tears suddenly reddening her eyes.</p><p>“Hermione, even if he does, he’s out to get me-…”</p><p>“Innocent people are always the first victims of war.” Hermione snapped, shiny tears brimming on her waterline. “When Voldemort killed your parents, Pettigrew killed a group of innocent Muggles on the same night and then disappeared. If either of them came to find you, who knows how many people would die.”</p><p>“There aren’t any Muggles here…”</p><p>“Oh god, Ron, you really are the most ignorant piece of-…”</p><p>“Hermione?” Ginny said in surprise, catching up to Luna. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“As far as they’re concerned, Muggle Borns are completely worthless. We’re not even human. And even if we were, what use is a school full of witches and wizards if they can’t defend themselves?”</p><p>Ron faltered. “Oh… Hermione, I’m sorry I-…”</p><p>“I have to go to class.” She mumbled, pulling her bag higher onto her shoulder.</p><p>“But Divination doesn’t start for another fifteen-…" But Hermione was already gone.</p><p>“Poor Hermione.” Ginny whispered.</p><p>“I always forget she’s Muggle Born.” Luna said wistfully.</p><p>“That’s the thing. The fact that she’s Muggle Born makes no difference to anything.” Argued Ron. “She’s still a better witch than I’ll ever be a wizard or that most people will ever be at anything. But she's being targeted for it. She has to live in a world that doesn’t want her and she has to work twice as hard as the rest of us to prove that she belongs in it.”</p><p>“I feel like we’ve barely seen her this year.” Ginny mused. “She keeps disappearing to go to classes that don’t exist or don't start for ages. Do you think she’s avoiding us?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Maybe.” Harry shrugged. “We haven’t exactly been the best of friends to her this year.”</p><p>Ron chewed his bottom lip. “I feel really bad.”</p><p>“Me too. Look, there’s Neville. Let’s walk with him to Divination, we might see her on the way and we can apologise properly. See you Ginny, Luna.” Harry and Ron caught up to Neville, leaving the girls to walk to their next class.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Remus was not there for their next Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson. Harry had expected this, the lunar phases were another thing he had learned to memorise over the past few months. Usually, McGonagall or Flitwick took the class in his absence, citing some mystery cold or cough that was keeping him away. However, on this day, the class was led by Snape, who took sadistic pleasure in ignoring their explanations of what they had already learned and decided, to Harry’s silent horror, to set them the task of writing on werewolves.</p><p>Hermione had begun to scribble immediately and Ron was flicking through his textbook, presumably looking for a place to start. Harry stared stonily down at his parchment and refused to pick up his quill. He was so intently focused on trying to keep his breathing steady that he didn’t hear Snape when he spoke to him the first time, or the second time. However, the third time, Snape combined his words with throwing a heavy textbook onto Harry’s desk, which made the boy jump. “Awake, are we, Potter? Tell me, is there a particular reason you have not started to write?”</p><p>“No, Professor.”</p><p>“Oh, but you must have a reason, or else you would surely join your classmates and complete your work.” Snape said sarcastically.</p><p>“I don’t want to write the essay, Professor.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“I just don’t want to.”</p><p>“Well unfortunately for you, I have set you this essay and to refuse to complete it would be insubordination and as well as receiving a month’s detention, I will also take 50 points from Gryffindor house. Pick up your quill.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Potter-…” Harry did not wait for Snape to finish his sentence. Instead, he stood up so quickly his chair tipped over behind him and, grabbing his bag, he strode out of the room, waiting until he was well out of sight before throwing his father’s cloak over himself and allowing the tears to fall.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Three days later, Harry was hiding in his dormitory when he heard a voice calling his name. He glanced up and saw Remus standing in the doorway. He stood and ran over to him, throwing his arms around him and hugging him tight. “Thank god you’re back.”</p><p>“Are you okay?” Remus pulled back, his hands on Harry’s face, checking him for injury or illness. “Nothing’s happened to you?”</p><p>“Well, lots has happened to me but I’m not hurt or anything.” Harry chuckled, spreading his arms wide as though hoping to prove that he was unscathed.</p><p>Remus narrowed his eyes at him, removing his hands from his face. “You’re not sick?”</p><p>Guilt wound its way around Harry’s heart in the same way it always did when he knew he was about to be in trouble. “No…”</p><p>Remus’ expression hardened. “Then why were you not in my class today?”</p><p>“I didn’t know you were back.” Harry shrugged, moving away from Remus and flopping himself back down onto his bed.</p><p>“Why should it make any difference?” Snapped Remus.</p><p>“I didn’t want to see Snape.”</p><p>“So you’ve been skipping Potions too? Harry, as both your guardian and your teacher I am deeply disappointed in you. This kind of behaviour is not acceptable, you must know that.”</p><p>“You don’t know what he tried to make me do, Remus.” Harry’s voice cracked and hot tears of anger sprang to his eyes.</p><p>Remus sighed and when he spoke again, his voice was gentle. “Actually I do, your classmates caught me up to date. I told them they didn’t need to complete the essay and replaced the points he took from you. They were all quite worried about you actually.”</p><p>“I couldn’t write it.”</p><p>“I understand that, and I’m quite touched by it actually.” Remus moved to sit beside Harry on the bed. “I’m furious with Professor Snape of course, but we can’t let him know that.” He inhaled deeply and then said, “So here’s what’s going to happen; you are going to go and apologise to him-…”</p><p>“No way.”</p><p>“Yes way.”</p><p>“You can’t make me.”</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes exasperatedly. “Oh come now Harry, we haven’t played this game since you were seven years old. I can’t make you do anything, but if you don’t apologise to Professor Snape there will be consequences and so-…”</p><p>“Remus I want to go home.” Harry said suddenly, his rib cage heaving as he finally spoke the words and saw the way Remus’ face crumpled when he heard them.</p><p>“W-what?”</p><p>Harry stood up and strode to the other side of the dormitory. “I want to go home, I want to see Sirius, I want-… I want to not be here for a while.”</p><p>“Is it me?” Remus asked anxiously and stood too, though he kept a careful distance from Harry. “Because I told you that if having me here was going to be too difficult-…”</p><p>“It’s not your fault.” Harry rushed to reassure him, shaking his head. “I am glad you’re here, you’re a great teacher and it’s nice to have you around but, all this stuff with Snape and everything I-… I just need a break, Remus.”</p><p>“I’ll ask Sirius, maybe we can arrange for you to have a quick weekend visit home.” Remus said quietly. “No promises though, even if he agrees, Dumbledore might not allow it.”</p><p>“Will you ask for me?”</p><p>Remus nodded. “Of course I will, if it’s what you want.”</p><p>“It is.”</p><p>“Then consider it done. I’ll let you know both of their responses when I get them, probably tomorrow.”</p><p>“Okay, thanks.” Harry pulled his bag onto his shoulder. “I have to go now.”</p><p>“Where are you going? I thought we might have a bit of a talk-...”</p><p>“Meeting Ron and Hermione in the library, we have an assignment to finish.” Harry lied badly and he could tell by the look on Remus’ face that he had not been believed, but also that he would not be prevented from leaving.</p><p>“Oh alright… See you later then.”</p><p>“Yeah, see you.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next day, Harry’s Herbology lesson was interrupted by a knock at the greenhouse door. McGonnagal was standing in the doorway, her hands folded in front of her. “Mr Potter, follow me please.” She said curtly to Harry. “Bring your things, I doubt you’ll be returning to this class today.” Harry did as she asked, not caring if he was in trouble or not, and sloped out after her.</p><p>When they reached her office, the door swung open, revealing Sirius Black, his face ashen with worry and his hair tangled from his journey. The ash on his coat told Harry he had come by the Floo Network. Remus was standing in front of Sirius, trying to calm him down, but Sirius wouldn’t listen. “I just want to see him, Moony, something’s clearly wrong. He’s never wanted to come home before-…”</p><p>“McGonnagal went to fetch him, he’ll be right back. Will you keep your voice down, there are children trying to learn down the corridor.”</p><p>“Remus, I-…” At that moment, Sirius spotted Harry standing in the open doorway and cut himself off, running toward the boy and pulling him into a hug. He sank to his knees, holding onto Harry’s arms and looking up at him, as though scanning for injury, just as Remus had done the day before in the dormitory.</p><p>“I’m okay, Sirius.”</p><p>“We’re going for a walk around the grounds.” Sirius insisted, keeping a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “We can have a proper chat there.” Remus moved as if to follow but Sirius stopped him. “I need to talk to him alone. We’ll see you later.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>“It just all feels really hard at the moment.” Harry whimpered to Sirius. They had been sitting at the lake for nearly three hours, talking everything over at some points, and at others simply sitting in silence. Sirius had been idly skipping stones, the same way he always had whenever he and his school friends had spent the warmer days down at this spot, but nevertheless his attention was always on Harry.</p><p>“I know.” Sirius sighed. “Life always has these low times, but you’ll get through it, mate.”</p><p>“Can I please come home?” The boy pleaded. </p><p>Sirius hesitated for a moment, mulling the request over in his mind. He knew that Harry needed to be at school, not only for his education, but for his safety too. However, Sirius had missed him more than ever this year, especially since he hadn’t had Remus or Mary to distract him. He gave in. “If you really want to, you can have the weekend at home with me. But you have to bring your schoolwork.”</p><p>“Thanks, Sirius.”</p><p>“And I want no arguments on Monday morning when I send you back.” Harry nodded his numb agreement and Sirius walked him back up to the castle. McGonagall and Remus were still in her office, though their conversation seemed to have turned to schoolwork now. They looked up expectantly when Sirius and Harry walked in. “If it’s alright with you, Professor,” Sirius asked McGonagall. “I’d like to take Harry home for the weekend. He needs a bit of break. I’ll have him back first thing on Monday morning.”</p><p>“I think that’ll be alright.” McGonagall nodded. “The protective charms at your house are up to date?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Then we’ll see you on Monday, Mr Potter.”</p><p>Sirius tapped Harry on the shoulder and said, “Harry, you go home, I’ll be there in a second. I need to talk to Remus.” McGonagall excused herself from the room while, without a word, or even a glance at Remus, Harry stepped into the fireplace and disappeared. Sirius turned to his friend. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”</p><p>Remus shook his head and lowered his head into his hands. “I fucked it up, Sirius. I’ve been his guardian for all of a few weeks and he hates me.”</p><p>“He doesn’t hate you.” Sirius promised fiercely, slotting himself into the chair beside Remus’. “He’s being hunted down by dark wizards and the teacher he actually does hate is trying to rip his family apart. That’s a lot to deal with when you’re thirteen.”</p><p>“Snape isn’t-...”</p><p>“Don’t defend him, Remus.” Sirius ordered. “I know we’re not teenagers anymore but Snape is still a prat. Getting the kids to learn how to spot werewolves? It’s a plot to get you discovered and your job to be taken. Harry doesn’t understand why that doesn’t piss you off.”</p><p>“Of course it pisses me off,” Remus hissed. “But I have to stay professional here. If I’m going to lose my job, I’m not going to lose their respect as well.”</p><p>“Listen, Harry loves you. He just needs a break. Talk to him on Monday and just be honest with him. He’ll be over it by then.”</p><p>Remus nodded reluctantly. “Alright… I’ll try that.”</p><p>“See you, Moony.” And with that, Sirius too had vanished into the fire, leaving Remus alone with his thoughts and his worries.</p>
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<a name="section0046"><h2>46. chapter forty-six.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The events of the day hit Remus Lupin like a brick. Several weeks had passed since Harry had gone home for his weekend escape and, since his return, things between them had felt fairly normal. Harry continued with his schoolwork, juggling it around Quidditch practices, and Remus focused on his lesson plans, with one eye always on the Marauders Map. He had been kept up to date by Harry about the fights between Ron and Hermione, since Crookshanks had finally driven Scabbers out of the castle, and tried his best to placate their friendship in his classes. Then, in a split second, everything changed.</p><p>Remus was grading papers in his office when it occurred to him that his potion had not been delivered as it usually was by Snape, who prided himself on always being prompt even if making the potion displeased him. Concerned, Remus decided to go and look for him. He scanned the Marauders Map and could not find Snape anywhere on it. He scribbled a note to Sirius, telling him of the missing potion and walked to the Owlery to deliver it. Once there, he decided to take one last look at the map, in hopes of finding Snape on it. Instead, one name seemed to spring up off of the parchment, daring him to see it. Peter Pettigrew.</p><p>Barely believing his eyes, Remus followed the little icon, watching as it moved across the grounds. Horrified, Remus watched as it skirted around four other names: Neville Longbottom, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger and Harry Potter. Stuffing the map into his pocket, Remus took off at a sprint, hurtling down the castle staircases and out into the grounds as the evening darkened around him. He headed first towards Hagrid’s hut, certain that was where the children had been heading back from, but he stopped in his tracks as he heard shouting. “He’s there! Get him! Not, you-... Neville, you almost had him!” Remus whirled around and ran towards the voices, spotting Ron’s red hair leading the pack of kids towards the Forbidden Forest, a small rat running ahead of them.</p><p>“STOP!” He cried out desperately. “HARRY! STOP!”</p><p>Confused, the children stopped chasing the rat and turned to look at Remus who, out of breath though he was, sped up to catch them. “Pettigrew-...” He panted, reaching Harry first. “He... Is… Here.”</p><p>Harry’s brow furrowed. “Where?”</p><p>But before Remus could respond, Ron’s pet rat began to twitch and squeak, swelling up and growing. “Get behind me.” Remus shouted and all four of the children did as they were told as the rat’s fur fell away and it stretched into a grown man.</p><p>“Remus…” Peter Pettigrew simpered, rubbing at his cheeks as he would have done a set of whiskers. “You figured me out.”</p><p>Remus lifted the Marauders Map. “I had help from some old friends.”</p><p>“I suppose this is the end, Ron.” Pettigrew spoke to the boy, who seemed to grow even paler and Remus wondered if he might faint.</p><p>“How did you know to infiltrate the Weasleys?” Demanded Remus.</p><p>Pettigrew smirked. “Very occasionally, we were permitted to read the newspapers in Azkaban. I saw the family on the front page of the Prophet with a boy I would have sworn was my friend James-...”</p><p>“Friend? How dare you?”</p><p>“Regardless…" Sneered Pettigrew. "I saw Harry and a plan started to form. You three always used to think me a bit of a dunce, but this plan was extremely clever. I slipped from the prison as a rat and joined the Weasley family, knowing that once I was inside Hogwarts I could help the Dark Lord from within its walls.”</p><p>“Why not escape as soon as you were arrested?" Remus narrowed his eyes at him, without lowering his wand. "Why spend all those years inside?”</p><p>Pettigrew shrugged and smiled somewhat smugly. The sight of it made Remus' skin crawl. “The dementors are sympathetic to Death Eaters, we always avoided the most severe punishments. Besides, I could safely remain in my human form there while I formulated my plan.”</p><p>“And Bellatrix Lestrange?”</p><p>Pettigrew jumped violently. “I don’t know how they got out. Perhaps they used my apparent disappearance as a distraction and took their chances. But I can truthfully say I had no hand in it.”</p><p>“You won’t be escaping again, Peter." Remus said quietly. "We’re taking you to the castle, whether you choose to go quietly or not.”</p><p>“Fine. But first I will speak to the boy.”</p><p>“Get away from my godson.” A voice growled from behind them and Harry whirled around, relief filling his heart.</p><p>“Sirius, what are you doing here?” Harry cried out. “How did you know?”</p><p>“Remus wrote to me to tell me that someone had taken his potion, he knew his transformation was imminent.” Sirius strode forward and moved Harry behind him. “He wanted me here in case he transformed, he needed to make sure he wouldn’t hurt anyone. I was planning on coming down much later, but I got a weird feeling that I needed to be here, so I came as fast as I could. Not fast enough it looks like.”</p><p>Pettigrew quivered and inched towards the door. “Hello, Sirius…”</p><p>“Good to see you, Peter.” Sirius smiled coldly, mirroring Pettigrew’s action smoothly and blocking the exit. “If only because it will be the last time you ever see anybody. Harry, step away please. Back up to the castle. Take the others with you.”</p><p>Harry's eyes widened and he shook his head. “I’m not leaving you.”</p><p>Sirius’ jaw clenched, but his eyes remained on Pettigrew. “You don’t want to see what I’m about to do. I'll be alright, Moony is here to help me-..."</p><p>“I want to help.” Harry insisted. “He killed my parents, I want to ki-…”</p><p>“No, you don’t.” Sirius said, his voice gentler now. He turned to Harry now and shook his head. “You’re not like that. I’m doing this so you don’t have to. I don’t want you to ever think about this filthy excuse for a person ever again. You are a good person, Harry.”</p><p>Tears welled up in Harry’s eyes. “But Sirius I-…”</p><p>“I know where the Dark Lord is.” Pettigrew cried out in an attempt to buy himself some time.</p><p>Without looking away from Harry, Sirius replied coldly, “Liar.”</p><p>“Padfoot, I think he’s telling the truth.” Harry murmured, his anxious eyes flicking between his parents' betrayer and his own saviour. “It would make sense.”</p><p>Pettigrew latched onto the boy’s faith and said, “I know what he’s planning to do, Harry.”</p><p>Sirius hesitated then sighed, turning back to Pettigrew. “Speak then, before we silence you forever.”</p><p>Remus' shaking voice sounded from behind them. “Padfoot…”</p><p>“No, no. Let him speak Remus.”</p><p>“No, Sirius…”</p><p>Pettigrew smirked, knowing he had the power now. “I will speak only to the boy.”</p><p>Remus spoke again. “Sirius…”</p><p>“No you will speak only to me." Sirius said, ignoring Remus' cries. "As far as my godson is concerned, you no longer exist.”</p><p>“SIRIUS.”</p><p>“WHAT?” Sirius whirled around impatiently to look at Remus. His friend had lowered himself to the floor, an anguished expression on his face.</p><p>“It’s happening.” He whispered, his eyes rolling back in his head.</p><p>Sirius lurched towards him. “Moony…”</p><p>“I can’t stop it." Remus' fingers scrabbled helplessly, digging into the dirt and pulling up the grass. "I need my potion.” He whimpered. </p><p>“It’s too late for that, quick get up that hill, we'll head to the shack. Um-…” Sirius flicked his wand and trapped Pettigrew in a body-binding curse. He fell to the ground with a thud, sending up a smattering of dew into the air. “Kids follow me, straight up to the castle, no arguments. I’ll come back for you.” He sneered at Pettigrew.</p>
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<a name="section0047"><h2>47. chapter forty-seven.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry stirred, his body stiff and sore as he stretched his fingers and blinked open his eyes. His face split into a wide grin the second they focused. Mary was sitting cross-legged on the end of Harry’s bed. “You lot really are falling apart without me, aren’t you?”</p><p>Harry grinned and leant forward to grab her hand. She moved down the bed and wrapped him in a hug. “You got it, all of this was just a desperate cry for attention.” He chuckled sarcastically, his voice muffled by her shoulder.</p><p>“I thought as much.” She smiled, pressing a kiss to his hairline and rubbing his back gently.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Harry asked as they pulled away.</p><p>“McGonnagal wrote to tell me what had happened.” She explained, reaching onto his bedside table and eating a handful of the grapes that had been left there by some well-meaning visitor. She offered him the bowl but he shook his head, still feeling a little queasy from waking up from such a long sleep. “I’m going to stay until Remus gets back, make sure he’s alright. You two on the other hand are just taking up bed space in here, barely a scratch on you.”</p><p>“That’s what I said!” Harry insisted.</p><p>“Madam Pomfrey insisted,” Sirius said, sliding in through the curtain, limping only slightly and grinning at Harry. He put the jug of water he had fetched onto Harry’s tray table and stopped to put his hand lightly on Harry’s head, as though checking he was actually alright. “And there was no point sending Harry away when Ron and Hermione are still here.”</p><p>“I saw Ron’s leg, did you do that, Padfoot?”</p><p>“I was trying to pull him out of the way, I didn’t mean to hurt him.” Sirius told her guiltily.</p><p>“I wouldn’t feel too bad, Sweetheart.” Mary assured him. “Madam Pomfrey set it properly last night and gave him enough pain relief to last him a week. He’s giddy as anything at the moment. I think he thinks it was the world’s greatest adventure.”</p><p>Sirius snorted and shook his head. “It wasn’t half.”</p><p>“Is it always like that?” Harry asked quietly, the smile falling away from his face. “For Remus?”</p><p>“I wouldn’t know.” Mary replied truthfully. “He never transformed anywhere near me. Then again, I never really wanted to see him in that kind of pain.”</p><p>“It was worse than usual.” Explained Sirius. “The potion makes it easier, which is why Pettigrew stole it, to make sure Remus couldn’t stop him from getting to you.”</p><p>Harry lowered his eyes and swallowed with difficulty. “It’s my fault.”</p><p>“No, no, absolutely not.” Sirius urged, gripping Harry’s hand. “You know that’s not what I meant.”</p><p>“Yeah, but it is my fault. If I hadn’t tried to deal with him on my own then we would have had time to look after Remus and take Pettigrew up to the castle. If Remus had had more time then Pettigrew wouldn’t have escaped.”</p><p>“Harry, I’m sorry to say I think it would have all happened one way or another.” Sighed Sirius. “There’s no point in blaming yourself. Remus certainly won’t blame you, and neither do we.”</p><p>“Pettigrew got away.” Harry moped.</p><p>“That was my fault, if it was anyone’s. I was too focused on you guys and when Pettigrew grabbed Moony’s wand, I panicked.”</p><p>“He’s going to come back for me… isn’t he?”</p><p>Sirius glanced at Mary who looked terrified. “Probably.” He mumbled finally.</p><p>Harry nodded solemnly. “I’ll be ready for him this time.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Three days later, Remus Lupin awoke in the very bed Harry had vacated when he had been discharged from the Hospital Wing. He turned his face to see the time on his wristwatch, which had been placed on the bedside table, and caught sight of Mary, sitting on the chair next to the bed. She was smiling at him.</p><p>“You’re here…” He croaked.</p><p>Mary grinned and leaned closer to him. “You’re awake…”</p><p>“Have they told you-…”</p><p>“Everything? Yeah, pretty much.” She nodded. “If only I’d arrived earlier, I could have had my own pop at Pettigrew.”</p><p>“Maybe it would have been for the best if you had been here, especially instead of me. He escaped because of me. If I’d only-…”</p><p>“Remus, don’t say that. None of this is your fault. It wasn’t back then and it isn’t now.”</p><p>“If only I’d-…” He broke off as Mary put her hand over his heart and leant forward until their faces were only inches apart. Her lips brushed his very gently. “I thought-…”</p><p>“You can calm down, Sweetheart, I’m not falling back in love with you. I mean, I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”</p><p>“Then why did you-…”</p><p>She brushed his hair back off his forehead. “Because someone tried to hurt you, and the idea of you being hurt still scares the shit out of me even now. Just because we’re not together doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. I’ve said it before and I still mean it, you’re my best friend and I really do, genuinely, love you. I guess I just needed to kiss you, Remus, just one last time.”</p><p>“Okay… So, did you smoke the whole pack?”</p><p>Mary shoved him lightly. “Shut up you bastard.”</p><p>“Also, as sweet as the sentiments were, you must know that Sirius is first and foremost my best friend.”</p><p>“I assumed as much.” She shrugged. “Maybe I can come a close second?”</p><p>“I don’t know, we have to take Harry into consideration.”</p><p>“Hey, he’s a minor. Until he turns seventeen I am your second best friend. Deal?”</p><p>“Deal.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>“I don’t get it.” Ron shook his head in confusion, frowning at Remus in his hospital bed. “I’ve known you pretty much my whole life, how come I didn’t know you were a werewolf?”</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes. “It’s not something I like to spread around, I’m sure you can understand.”</p><p>“Besides, it’s not like you’re the most observant person in the world.” Added Hermione.</p><p>“Hey!” Ron wobbled on his crutches.</p><p>“Oh please, I’ve only known him for three years and even I worked it out before you did.”</p><p>“Yeah, well you’re you.” Ron muttered as though this explained everything.</p><p>~~~</p><p>When word came to Harry that Remus had been released from the Hospital Wing, he flew through the corridors straight to his office. He flung open the door and was horrified to see most of Remus’ possessions packed away and Remus himself, still quite pale and tired-looking, pulling on his travelling cloak. His back was to Harry and it took the boy several seconds to be able to blurt out any words at all.</p><p>“Don’t leave me.” Harry said, his words coming out rushed and, to his humiliation, his voice cracked as emotion flooded through his body, tightening in the base of his throat. Remus froze, the muscles in his back tensing beneath his robes momentarily.</p><p>He turned slowly and smiled kindly at Harry, summoning strength he didn’t know he had. “I’m afraid I must.”</p><p>“But-…”</p><p>“Harry, let’s not make this harder than it needs to be.” Remus shook his head. “You know I have no say in this matter, if I had any choice of course I would stay at Hogwarts. But I have promised to go quietly in the hopes that other jobs will not be closed off to me.”</p><p>“I’ll miss you.”</p><p>Remus chuckled lightly. “There’s no need, you’re coming home next Friday.”</p><p>“You know what I mean. I’ll miss you next year, everyone will.”</p><p>“And I’ll miss you as I have done the last two years. Things will just go back to normal, Harry. Although, I won’t pretend that I won’t miss teaching, I will. I rather thought I had found my calling. But as with so many things in life, it was not meant to be.”</p><p>“It should have been.”</p><p>“Harry, please don’t be sad for me.” Remus implored him. “This is happening whether we like it or not. Things aren’t going to be worse, just different. We’ll find new ways to be happy.”</p><p>“Fine.”</p><p>“That’s exactly what it’s going to be, well done.”</p><p>“Remus?”</p><p>“Yes, Harry?”</p><p>“I know things didn’t work out for you here but-… Well, you were the best teacher I’ve ever had.”</p><p>“Thank you, Harry. That means more to me than you’ll ever know.”</p><p>“And-… Never mind.”</p><p>“No go on, and what?” Remus prompted him.</p><p>Harry shrugged self-consciously. “And I was thinking I might be a teacher too. When I’ve left Hogwarts I mean.”</p><p>“I thought you wanted to be an auror?”</p><p>“My mind’s not made up one hundred percent one way or the other but-…” Harry mumbled. “Sometimes it feels like all I’ve done for the last few years is fight off bad wizards-…”</p><p>“Or one in particular.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Harry laughed. “And if it hadn't been for you and Sirius I might have spent my whole life doing exactly that. I wonder if maybe it might be better, instead of chasing trouble, maybe I could teach kids like me how to handle trouble when it comes to them.”</p><p>“I think that’s an excellent idea. I can’t think of anyone better suited to the position. Now, I really must be going. Dry your eyes and go and spend some time with your friends.” Harry sniffed and wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his robes. Remus patted him gently on the shoulder. “Don’t tell the others, but you were always my favourite student.”</p><p>Harry grinned. “I think if Hermione heard that she’d poke my eyes out with her wand!”</p>
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<a name="section0048"><h2>48. chapter forty-eight.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Sirius, there’s an owl here for you.” Harry called out through a mouthful of mushed-up food. He wandered into Sirius’ office, where his godfather was rifling through one of his desk drawers, sifting through loose bits of parchment.</p><p>“Just take the letter and leave it in the kitchen, I’ll look at it later.” Sirius replied, momentarily glancing up to see Harry, with his cereal bowl held against his chest and a spoon, mounted with porridge, lifted to his mouth, leaning against the doorframe.</p><p>“I tried but the owl wouldn’t let me.” Harry replied. “I think that it’s one of your mother’s.”</p><p>“My mother? What could she possibly want? She hasn’t written to me in years.”</p><p>Harry rolled his eyes. “Maybe if you read the letter you’ll find out.”</p><p>“Very clever. Go and sit at the table if you’re going to eat that, you’ll give yourself a cramp.” Sirius lectured absently, using this as an excuse to talk about something other than his mother rather than actually caring where Harry ate his second breakfast of the day. He swept past his godson and out into the hallway, making a beeline for the stairs, still looking for the papers he’d been unable to locate on his desk.</p><p>“She hasn’t written in a long time.” Harry pointed out.</p><p>“Exactly. So how do you know that it’s one of her owls?”</p><p>Harry smirked and took another bite of his breakfast. “I spun the owl around so I could see the return address on the back of the envelope. The bugger bit me, but I think it was worth it.”</p><p>Sirius sighed. “You know, it’s a felony to read other people’s letters.”</p><p>“Not the envelope.” Harry fired back. “Sirius, will you stop running around and go and see what she wants.”</p><p>“Not right now.”</p><p>“The bird’s probably shitting all over the-…”</p><p>“Harry!”</p><p>“And Hedwig hates it when other owls come to the house, she’ll be freaking out.”</p><p>“Harry, I am too busy to-…”</p><p>“Sirius-…”</p><p>“Harry, I am not in the mood to listen to anything that my mother has to say at the present moment.” Sirius snapped, whirling around. “Please go back downstairs and mind your own business. If I wanted to know what was in that letter, and more to the point, if I wanted you to know what was in that letter then I would go and open it myself.”</p><p>“Fine. But you’re cleaning up the owl shit.”</p><p>“Superb, looking forward to it.”</p><p>Harry wandered back down the stairs and into the kitchen, where Mary and Remus were still sitting drinking their morning coffees. She raised her eyebrows at him when he walked in and he flopped down opposite her, his cereal bowl clanging on the tabletop. “Mary…” Harry whined.</p><p>“What’s the matter, Sweetheart?” She pouted, leaning forward to pat his cheek.</p><p>“Sirius is in a shitty mood.”</p><p>“Language.” Remus warned tiredly.</p><p>“What’s put him in a shitty mood?” Mary asked genuinely.</p><p>“Language, MacDonald!”</p><p>“Oh please, he’s fourteen.” She rolled her eyes at him. “We were saying and doing a lot worse at fourteen.”</p><p>“Like what?” Asked Harry eagerly.</p><p>“Never you mind, Fawn.”</p><p>At that moment, Sirius swirled into the kitchen and snatched his mother’s letter from the owl on the kitchen windowsill, making it squawk. Then, without a word, he strode out again. The owl screeched until Remus chucked it a coin and it took off again. “That’s why he’s in a shitty mood.” Harry said, looking pointedly in the direction Sirius had vanished in.</p><p>“Ah. That makes sense.”</p><p>A few minutes later, Sirius reentered the room, more calmly than before. They all looked at him with varying levels of interest. Harry was sulking and chose to pretend his godfather had not even entered the room, but Mary and Remus were keen to hear what his mother’s letter might have told him.</p><p>“I opened my mother’s letter.” Sirius announced finally.</p><p>“Took you long enough.” Replied Harry, quietening when Remus nudged him firmly in the ribs.</p><p>“What did she have to say for herself?” Remus asked calmly.</p><p>Sirius paused before swallowing hard and then answering with some effort. “She’s sick and she wants me to come and see her.” He was difficult to read. Whether it was simply talking about his mother as though she were actually a person or the idea that she might be suffering that was making it so hard to discuss was unclear.</p><p>“Are you going to go?” Remus prompted when Sirius didn’t elaborate.</p><p>“Of course not.” Sirius snapped, throwing the letter onto the kitchen bench. “I swore I’d never go back to that house and I’d never see that woman again.” He declared stubbornly, but even Harry could see that he was wavering.</p><p>Harry sat up, his face clouded with sudden concern. “But don’t you want to say goodbye?” Mary put her hand on his arm gently, but it was enough to warn Harry that pushing this subject would likely upset Sirius.</p><p>“I did say goodbye, when I was sixteen.” His godfather replied, softer than when he had spoken to Remus a moment before. He hadn’t noticed Mary’s subtle movement, or the way she was staring at his face, as though trying to read his next movement. She had switched into battle mode once again, and if Sirius had seen her, he would have questioned whether he too was back in the headspace of a soldier heading into battle. “There’s no point doing it again to a woman that hasn’t given me a second thought in nearly two decades.”</p><p>“But-…” Harry opened his mouth again before he could stop himself and Mary’s hand slipped off of him as he shot forward, leaning his elbows on his knees, trying to speak to Sirius eagerly.</p><p>“But what?” Sirius barked, quelling Harry’s momentary excitement. The boy stiffened. He stood slowly and walked to the window, breathing heavily. Remus and Mary exchanged worried glances, but Sirius only watched Harry, regretting the way he had spoken to him.</p><p>“If you don’t go, then the rest of your life you’ll wonder what might have happened if you went and saw her.” Harry said steadily. Sirius was suddenly hit with how grown up he looked, and how much of a man he really was. More of a man than Sirius felt in that moment. “Just think how many people wish they could speak to their mothers one last time, you have a chance to do just that.”</p><p>Sirius sighed sadly. He walked further into the room and sank into one of the armchairs, looking over at his godson who turned towards him, but kept near the window. “The difference is, Harry, that your mother loved you very much and would have continued to love you no matter what. She would never have removed you from the family tree and called you a blood traitor because you didn’t believe that Muggles deserve to be strung up.”</p><p>“Well, it would have been a bit weird if she did.” Harry smirked, his gaze flickering down at his feet as he folded his arms over his newly broadened chest. “You know, on the account that she was Muggle-Born and everything.”</p><p>Sirius smirked and a flicker of the man that had raised Harry reappeared. “True.” He snickered.</p><p>Harry seized on the glimpse of the real Sirius and pushed a little further. “My point is, maybe your mother has changed, or maybe she has something important to tell you. If she’s making the effort to contact you now, it must be worth it.”</p><p>“But-…”</p><p>“If you don’t try, you’ll never know.” Harry insisted. “And I know you, Sirius, it’ll eat you up inside. I know it will.”</p><p>Remus nodded. “He’s right, Padfoot.”</p><p>“I know he is.” Sirius muttered, standing up and ruffling Harry’s hair. “I liked it better before you were smarter than me, kid.”</p><p>“So you’re going to go?”</p><p>Sirius sighed. “Looks like it.”</p><p>“Do you want us to come with you?” Asked Mary. Harry perked up a little more, curiosity bubbling up inside him. Mary shook her head slightly at him, but Sirius noticed it anyway. “We don’t have to. I know it might be an intense meeting and you might want to face it alone. That would be understandable. But if you want the support or-…”</p><p>“Thanks, Macdonald. I would like you all to come, if you want to. I’m going to need positive reminders of the life I’ve built for myself outside of that house before I walk back into it and everything it holds for me.”</p><p>“Then we’ll be there.” She promised him.</p><p>“Thanks… I have some letters to write. I’ll catch up with you guys later.” Sirius walked back out of the kitchen and they heard his footsteps disappearing up the stairs. A few minutes later, Harry too excused himself and went up to his bedroom.</p><p>Mary turned to Remus. “Do you think he’ll be okay?”</p><p>“I have no idea.” He replied honestly. “He never speaks about his family, and he never did. He’s only told me a few things and none of them good. I can’t imagine what else he’s kept from me for the sake of his own sanity.”</p><p>“His back injury... They did that to him, didn’t they?”</p><p>Remus nodded, a grimace spreading across his face. “That’s one thing I do know. He used to have nightmares about it all the time, especially when we were at Hogwarts. They calmed down a little bit as we got older, but whenever he’s worried about something they flare up alongside the pain. His mother tortured him because he wouldn’t bend to their rules. He was only a child. She wouldn’t even let him go to the hospital-… They brought a healer in to tend to him so that nobody would know. He spent a whole summer in bed recovering.”</p><p>“That explains why he loves the sun so much.” Mary mumbled. “And why he can’t stand to be cooped up inside for any length of time.”</p><p>“Mary… He had… He had a really hard time of it. Awful, from what I can tell. He could have gone the other way and he would have been lethal. The fact that there’s any shred of good left in him is a miracle. The fact that he’s as kind and strong as he is is fucking impossible.” Remus shook his head, almost in disbelief. “Sirius Black is special. One of a kind. I’ve always known it.”</p><p>“We’re lucky to know him.” She smiled. “To have fought beside him. Don’t worry, Remus. He’ll get through it again this time around.”</p><p>Remus sighed sadly. “You think there’s another one on the way, don’t you?”</p><p>She raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t you?”</p><p>“I always have.” He shrugged. “But I usually get told off for being negative.”</p><p>“There’s being negative and then there’s being realistic. Unfortunately I think we’re heading towards the latter. We need to start preparing.”</p><p>“Preparing ourselves?”</p><p>“Of course. Who else?”</p><p>“Harry.”</p><p>Mary’s eyes widened and her heart dropped into her stomach. “No. Not yet. Surely we have more time than that? He’s only fourteen, Remus.”</p><p>“I know. Believe me Mary, if I had it my way he’d never know a thing about it. I would die tomorrow if it meant he never knew anything of the pain and heartbreak we’ve endured this far. But I would rather he be trained to fight and be able to defend himself than die in a preventable way.”</p><p>“All wars are preventable Remus, that’s what makes them so sick.” She muttered, throwing the dregs of her coffee to the back of her throat and running a shaking hand through her hair.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Three days later, they made the journey to Sirius’ childhood home. Sirius said nothing as they gathered by the fireplace, his face set in stone. He and Harry went first, then Mary and Remus. They arrived in a cloud of soot in the middle of a grand, but very dark living room. Harry sneezed several times while Sirius tried to cough the dust from his lungs. “Bloody Kreacher.” He growled. “Never cleans that thing.”</p><p>“What’s a Kreacher?” Harry spluttered, his eyes streaming.</p><p>“My mother’s house elf.” Sirius croaked and then smirked a little proudly. “He hates me.”</p><p>Mary and Remus arrived behind them, both spluttering and dusting ash from their clothes. “God, this place is filthy.” Mary grimaced.</p><p>“Kreacher will thank Mudblood not to criticise his mistress’s house.” A gnarled voice sounded from the doorway, making them all jump, and they looked up to see a small, old house elf draped in tattered rags.</p><p>“How dare you.” Sirius snarled. “How dare you call her that word. Get out, Kreacher.”</p><p>“As Master Sirius wishes.” Kreacher bowed deeply. “My Mistress is in her bedroom. She knows you are here.” With another, almost sarcastic bow, Kreacher left the room.</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes. “Guess there’s no putting it off now.” He led them from the living room and up a grand staircase layered with dusty carpets.</p><p>“This place is huge.” Mary whistled, craning her neck to look up at the ceiling.</p><p>“Lots of places to feel lonely in a house like this, MacDonald.” Sirius told her as they reached the top of the staircase. Sirius turned left and stopped at the third door they came to, knocking so quietly it was as if he did not want to be heard.</p><p>A woman’s hoarse voice called, “Enter.” Sirius did as he was told, pushing the door open and striding inside. Harry followed close behind him, curious to see the woman that Sirius hated so deeply, while Remus and Mary hovered by the door. Sirius’ mother was small and skinny, barely visible under her blankets. Her hair, surely once the same raven hue as her son’s was pure white now. “This must be the famous Harry Potter.” She croaked with a sallow smile.</p><p>Harry jumped, unprepared to be called upon. “Nice to meet you, Mrs Black.” He stammered, and Sirius put his hand on his back to steady him.</p><p>“But where did you learn such nice manners? Not from any son of mine I’m sure.” She scoffed. Harry shuffled his feet awkwardly, unsure of whether he ought to tell the woman of all the wonderful things Sirius had done for him over the years, of all the ways he and Remus had raised him to be the person he was, or whether to let her degrade his godfather in front of him. “Tell me, dear, are you pureblood?” She pressed on before he could decide.</p><p>“Half... My mother was Muggle-Born.”</p><p>She sniffed. “Oh yes, well, your father always did have peculiar tastes.”</p><p>“Harry, maybe we ought to wait outside.” Remus said, putting his hand on Harry’s shoulder as the boy bristled, his face turning red with the effort not to retort rudely.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I won’t be long.” Sirius said, nodding at Harry who turned and stalked out of the room with Remus close behind him. “Was there any need for that?”</p><p>“Hard to believe he’s as special as they say he is when he’s not even pure-blooded.” His mother muttered.</p><p>“Well, he is special. Is that why you brought me here? To check if he was worthy of the gossip? To gawp at the scar made by that-...”</p><p>She cut him off coldly. “No.”</p><p>“Then why?”</p><p>She took a deep breath and Sirius heard the rattle in her chest as she exhaled. “I’m dying. You can see that, I’m sure… You’re the last one, Sirius. The line might end with you.”</p><p>“Tragedy.” Sirius drawled.</p><p>“Make the boy your heir, change his name to Black and one day all of this will be his.”</p><p>“He is already my heir, it makes no difference to me what his name is, in fact I’d much prefer him to be a Potter.”</p><p>His mother shook her head, something like fear flashing across her face. “But the Black name will die out if you don’t, the proud name of the most noble-…”</p><p>“The name is nothing to be proud of, it means nothing. Don’t you see?” He snarled. “The legacy of this name is one of hatred and I want no part in it, and I certainly won’t inflict it upon Harry. Besides, he is the last of the Potters, and that is a name to be proud of.”</p><p>“Sirius-...”</p><p>“No. Is there anything else? We have other places to be.”</p><p>“There is nothing else. Not on my end.”</p><p>Sirius sighed. “Then I suppose this is goodbye, again.”</p><p>“Goodbye, Sirius.”</p><p>Sirius stomped down the stairs, breathing heavily. He shuddered as he reached the bottom step, memories of running up and down the stairs to escape his family, either to his room or out the front door assaulting him. As he reached the front hallway, he saw something move in the corner of his eye and saw Harry standing in the tapestry room. His brow furrowed as he examined something on the wall. Sirius could make a fair enough guess at what it was. He walked slowly toward the room and leant himself against the doorframe. “Exploring?” He asked, making Harry jump.</p><p>The boy smiled sheepishly. “I didn’t know how long you’d be. I was curious.”</p><p>“Did it satisfy your curiosity?”</p><p>“Why aren’t you on here?” Harry asked, pressing his fingertips to the rich embroidery.</p><p>“I was once.” Sirius pointed to a black scorch mark on the tapestry. “She did that when I left home to go and live with your dad. Look, Andromeda’s name is blasted off as well, she used to be there beside her sisters Bellatrix and Narcissa.”</p><p>“Malfoy’s mum.”</p><p>“Yep. And over there is my Aunt Cedrella, she married a Weasley actually.”</p><p>Harry’s brow furrowed. “But the Weasleys are purebloods, surely that means it was a good match.”</p><p>“Ah, but the Weasleys are considered by some, like my mother, to be blood traitors. It means that they mix with Muggles and Muggle-Borns, and really anyone less than pureblood, and have no prejudice against them. It’s all ridiculous.”</p><p>“Oh…” Harry frowned, clearly thinking that this was absurd and unnecessarily complicated. “Can I see your room?” He asked more brightly.</p><p>Sirius smirked. “Sure, it’s back up the stairs. We have to be quiet though, I think the old bat fell asleep and I don’t want to wake her up for another lecture. We’ll have a quick look at my room and then we’re out of here, okay?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“Take anything you want.” Sirius said as they entered his bedroom. “It’ll have a better life with you than it ever did in here.” Harry tried to peel a photograph off the wall, but he couldn’t get a grip on it. He turned to Sirius, confused. Sirius laughed, “Oh I’d forgotten about that. An unbreakable sticking charm to stop my parents from changing my room when I went away to school. Only I can reverse it. Here.” He pulled the photograph off the wall and handed it to Harry, who clutched it like it was a most precious object.</p>
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<a name="section0049"><h2>49. chapter forty-nine.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They had gone to see the Weasleys for dinner, but Remus was exhausted. He had only returned from his transformation that morning and was bruised and feeling down. He had only come with the others in an attempt to feel normal but so far it had taken all he had just to drag himself to the kitchen table while Ginny laid it for dinner. He glanced up when she put her hand on his scarred arm without flinching at the unusual texture. Their eyes met and she smiled. “I know what it feels like.” She whispered.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“To have your body and your mind taken over by something evil and uncontrollable. I know what it feels like to do unthinkable things and hate yourself for doing it, all the while knowing that you can never stop even when you want to more than anything. You’re just a messenger, a vessel for someone else’s evil. I know what it feels like to be out of control. To be scared of your own power, all the while without knowing exactly what you’re capable of.”</p><p>“Ginny, darling…”</p><p>“But if I’m not allowed to blame myself for all that happened when I was in my first year… if I’m not allowed to punish myself for what I did, what I could have done… then neither are you.”</p><p>Remus nodded. “I promise.”</p><p>At that moment, the others filed in, all talking excitedly. “What do you say, Moony?" Sirius asked, slotting himself into the chair beside him at the kitchen table. "Quidditch World Cup, figured we’d all go. Arthur thinks he can get hold of enough tickets.”</p><p>“Not me.” Molly cut in. “I can’t be bothered with all those crowds. I’ll stay home and do some deep cleaning with you all out of the way.”</p><p>“Sounds good.” Remus agreed and Sirius clapped him supportively on the shoulder as they all sat down to eat.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The days leading up to the World Cup dragged as they all discussed their plans for it eagerly and anticipated it, but then the day seemed to dawn all at once. They woke at the Burrow at the crack of dawn, though it took several attempts to get all the boys to actually remove themselves from their cosy beds and walked to the Portkey that would take them to the grounds. They stopped by Luna’s house on the way and she came skipping down the garden path, while her father waved her off in rainbow-patterned pyjamas.</p><p>When they arrived at the grounds, the younger kids spent a little while helping to set up their three tents, though since they weren’t allowed to use magic, they ended up just watching most of it. In the first tent were Arthur, Bill, Charlie, Percy and the twins. In the second were Sirius, Remus, Harry, Ron and Neville. The third was allocated to the girls with Mary at their helm, followed by Hermione, Ginny and Luna.</p><p>When the tents had been set up and their beds been allocated, the younger kids were sent to fetch water. On their way, their chatting was interrupted by someone calling out to them.</p><p>“Hi Neville!” A girl with golden hair and flushed cheeks waved at them. Harry recognised her as Hannah Abbott, a girl in their year at Hogwarts. Neville blushed and waved back enthusiastically, almost hitting Ginny in the face as he did so.</p><p>When they had walked on a little, his friends all turned to Neville with raised eyebrows and knowing smiles. “What? Don’t you guys know Hannah?”</p><p>“Of course we know Hannah, we’ve been going to school with her for three years.” Ron cackled. He was still on crutches, thanks to Sirius’ attempt to save him the previous school year and narrowly avoided a hole in the grass as he teased, “We didn’t know that you knew Hannah.”</p><p>Neville frowned. “What do you mean I know Hannah?”</p><p>“She only said hello to you, Neville.” Giggled Hermione.</p><p>“We talk sometimes in Herbology,” He shrugged. “I guess she knows me better than she knows the rest of you. But that’s the end of it!”</p><p>“Whatever you say, Romeo!”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The events of the evening came back to Sirius in a muddled mess the next day as he tried to work out exactly where it had all gone wrong. He, Remus and Arthur had fallen asleep not long after returning to the tents, while the kids went in search of some of their school friends. The adults had been hesitant, but since they promised to stay together and because Bill and Charlie were with them, they were allowed to go off into the crowd alone. They were woken by loud banging sounds and terrified screams. Sirius and Remus rocketed out of bed, and were still half-pulling on their robes as they stumbled into Arthur’s tent. They were horrified to find him alone, also hurriedly dressing.</p><p>“Where are the kids?” Sirius asked desperately.</p><p>“I don’t know, but they’ll be together. They know all of their defensive spells, and they’re not stupid. They’ll stay hidden until it’s all over.”</p><p>Remus’ eyes widened. “Where’s Mary?”</p><p>“God knows, I haven’t seen her for hours.”</p><p>“She never made it back to the tent?”</p><p>“I don’t think so. Let’s hope she’s with the others.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>It all seemed to happen at once. They were sitting around a campfire that Hermione had conjured in a large group, talking, laughing and, at certain intervals reenacting the events of the Quidditch game. Bill and Charlie had wandered off a little way to speak to some veela that had drifted over from the Bulgarian campsite. Joining Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Fred, George, Ginny and Neville were Hannah Abbott, who was keeping Neville in a perpetual state of blushing, Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas. Harry had also spotted some other Hogwarts students, including Cedric Diggory and Cho Chang who were both in the year above him and Harry knew vaguely through Quidditch, but he had been too shy to ask them to join them.</p><p>At first they assumed the banging and screaming were just coming from fellow revellers, despite the late hour. But when people started to run past them towards the woods, they began to worry. A Ministry wizard in official robes sprinted past them and ordered them to head towards the woods with everyone else. The campsite was being cleared.</p><p>The twins joined their hands together and scooped a humiliated Ron up onto their makeshift chair, while Ginny clutched his crutches to her chest and hurried along after them. Harry seized hold of Luna’s hand, worried that her curiosity would somehow cause her to get lost in the crowd, and she in turn seized hold of Neville, who instinctively pulled Hannah along. Hermione hurried along after them, extinguishing her fire as Seamus and Dean looked eagerly around, trying to see where all the drama was coming from.</p><p>When they reached the edge of the forest, George glanced up and gasped violently, almost dropping Ron in the process. “Look!” He cried, and the group saw a terrifying green light hovering in the sky. Harry’s stomach dropped horribly as he saw the Dark Mark taunting him amongst the stars.</p><p>“Come on,” Fred urged everyone onwards. “You heard the Ministry guy, we’ll be safe in the forest. The person that did this will have apparated anyway, they’ll just search the campgrounds and then we can go back to the tents.”</p><p>“Don’t be frightened, Ginny.” George reassured her.</p><p>“I’m not.” She replied instantly, but Harry noticed that she moved a little closer to her older brothers anyway.</p><p>The group walked on a little further into the forest before the twins decided they were safe enough. They’d come to a small clearing, where the moonlight was just about peeping through the trees, and the twins dropped Ron gently next to a tree. The rest of them sat around him, sticking close together as they tried to hear what was happening in the campground. All they could do was wait and wonder.</p><p>“Hope Bill and Charlie are alright.” Neville mumbled.</p><p>“And Dad.” Added Ron glumly.</p><p>“I’m sure they’re all fine.” Hermione said firmly, as though trying to convince herself of the fact as much as anyone else. “Sirius and Remus will have stuck with Mr Weasley, Bill and Charlie are together and-...”</p><p>“And Mary?” Harry asked her pointedly.</p><p>Hermione stumbled. “Well-... I know she wasn’t with us straight after the match, but surely she would have gone to bed by now. She’ll be with them too, I’m sure.”</p><p>At least an hour passed before Fred said decidedly, “It’s gone pretty quiet, it must be alright to go back now.”</p><p>Hermione chewed on her bottom lip, though her brown eyes were rimmed pink with tiredness. She was yearning for her bed and the warm sanctuary of the tent as much as anyone. “No one’s come to tell us to come back.”</p><p>“We must be on the wrong side of the forest.” Fred reasoned. “They’ll be out searching for us around the campground. I say we head back. We’ll hover at the edge for a few minutes to make sure the coast is clear.” He assured Ginny, seeing her worried face. “It’s either that or we stay here and freeze our bums off.”</p><p>Seeing that they had no real option, the group stood and Luna was shaken awake from where she had fallen asleep on Dean’s shoulder. They traipsed back through the trees and were just reaching the edge of the forest when a shriek shot through their midst, coming from the shadows.</p><p>“Stop right where you are.” A voice yelled at them and they froze as a group. A line of fully-grown wizards were pointing their wands at them. Ginny cowered into George’s side, hiding her face in his robes. Harry wished he had someone to do the same to, but he could at least feel Hermione clinging to his arm for support. His heart was hammering and sweat was coursing down his back. “Do not move.” The voice said, although none of them had so much as twitched. A new group of people were stalking towards them through the trees. “What are you doing here? Which one of you-...”</p><p>“Those are my children.” Cried Mr Weasley, sprinting over to the group, his arms spread wide, ready to leap in front of them if need be. Sirius and Remus were close behind him, and Sirius fell to his knees in front of them, his hands first on Harry’s face and then each of the others in turn, checking that they were unharmed. When he was satisfied, he stood and joined Remus and Arthur, who were staring down the group of Ministry officials. Sirius, Remus and Arthur formed a line in front of the huddled group of teenagers, their stance defensive. Harry wondered how many times they had stood like this, Sirius and Remus especially, in conflict with Voldemort’s followers during the war, his parents beside them. Prepared to die to defend the ones they loved and the cause they believed in so passionately.</p><p>“The Dark Mark was cast from this spot, where, coincidentally, these children are standing.” The man at the front of the other group sneered. “How do you explain that?”</p><p>“They’re not capable of producing the Dark Mark, they don’t even know what it looks like.” Arthur fired back.</p><p>“Not capable?” He smirked and turned to look at the rest of the group. “Sirius, do you honestly imagine any of us have forgotten exactly what your godson is capable of?”</p><p>Sirius narrowed his eyes. “If you mean surviving the attack of Voldemort, then no I don’t imagine you will have forgotten. However, why would his defeat of Voldemort in the past be any indication that he is now working for him?”</p><p>“Do not say that name.” Snarled the voice. “But yes, that is what I am referring to. Harry can speak to snakes, can he not?”</p><p>“A lot of wizards can speak to snakes.”</p><p>“But not all of them have been in such close contact with Voldemort.”</p><p>“It wasn’t Harry, it wasn’t any of them.” Remus cut in. “If you think Voldemort would send children to do the job of a Death Eater then you are underestimating him. It’s not only children who have been persuaded by him before. Whoever it was will have disapparated anyway.”</p><p>“Not necessarily. If we accept that it was not any of the children, which we still have no proof of, they are not the only suspects that we have apprehended.”</p><p>“Who else?” Asked Arthur.</p><p>“Bring the girl.” From the trees, a gaggle of wizards marched into sight, surrounding a woman who was walking with a limp and seemed to have been severely beaten. Her wand was being held by one of the other wizards and she was being restrained by a knot of enchanted rope which was holding her arms behind her back. Her face was bloody, and bruises were already forming down her neck and arms. Her eyes were cold and hard as she stared ahead at the ground. The group gasped in shock and Hermione made a terrified squeaking noise.</p><p>“Mary…” Remus murmured and the sound was enough to bring her out of her stupor, she glanced upward and stumbled forward, as if her legs were moving of their own accord, trying to bring her closer to him. Seeing her move, the brawny wizard assigned to watch her lashed out his arm and brought it over her head, cracking his knuckles into the side of her face. Mary cried out as the impact sent her hurtling to the ground, where she lay for several seconds, winded, until the wizard yanked her up by her upper arm, wrenching the skin until Mary whimpered. “DON’T TOUCH HER.” Remus ordered and advanced upon them, but several wands pointed at him at once so he stopped where he was, his eyes meeting Mary’s terrified, widened gaze. “Let her go, she’s done nothing wrong.” He added a little more calmly, but his body was still tensed, like an animal ready to pounce.</p><p>“That has not been proven. She was found near the site and tried to run away when we tried to question her. These do not seem like the actions of an innocent person.”</p><p>“She’s Muggle Born, she’s not working with Voldemort.” Sirius argued, and felt Harry’s form press against his back as he too edged forward, trying to keep Mary in his sights, ready to lurch forward and defend her if need be. Without looking back at him, Sirius pushed Harry gently back with his arm, trying to keep him beside his friends and out of danger, and even more-so, out of the sight of the Ministry officials. If possible, he wanted this exchange to end without any further speculation being cast upon any of them.</p><p>“Do not say his name.” The man ordered again, fear creeping into his voice.</p><p>“Look, let her go. She was just scared. Anyone would have done the same thing. It was chaos out there, nobody knew where to turn. She thought she was going to be targeted for what she is, surely you can see that. She served with the Order of the Phoenix for god’s sake.” Sirius said as calmly as possible.</p><p>The man hesitated and then said slowly. “It would not be the first time a member of that particular organisation took steps to aid He Who Shall Not Be Named.”</p><p>Sirius darted forward, his arm outstretched, with his wand lifting to point at Fudge, but before he could get too far the wizard holding Mary squeezed her arm so tightly that she screamed and fell to her knees. The sound was so heart-wrenching, Sirius wondered if he had broken her arm. “Stop hurting her.” He demanded.</p><p>“Put away your wand, Mr Black.”</p><p>“Let her go and I’ll consider it.”</p><p>“This is not a negotiation. She is under investigation and should you not comply with Ministry orders, you too shall be arrested.” Sirius heard Harry make an involuntary worried whimper and he took a few steps back, away from the Ministry officials and closer to Harry. No matter what happened there, he would not leave the boy alone, even if it meant swallowing his pride, or worse, allowing them to take Mary away.</p><p>“Sirius, don’t.” Mary croaked, her face in the dirt. “You’re needed.”</p><p>“So are you.”</p><p>“Not as badly…” She insisted. “I’ll be fine.”</p><p>“Look, everyone just calm down. There’s a simple way to solve this.” Arthur called. “Check her wand, what was the last spell?”</p><p>Reluctantly, the wand was produced, but just before the spell could be cast, a new voice came from the trees. “Stop! The culprit has been found!”</p><p>A house elf, that Harry recognised as belonging to Barty Crouch was thrown into the light and the official that had apprehended her told them all the story of how she had stolen the wand of a server at the World Cup and had produced the Dark Mark herself.</p><p>Mary was released and half-thrown towards them. She hurtled forward, falling into Remus’ arms. “Please, take me home.” She croaked and Remus lifted her more steadily onto her feet.</p><p>“I think that’s a good idea.” Sirius said darkly, putting a hand on Mary’s back. “Come on, you lot.” He said to the kids, wrapping a protective arm around Harry, who reached back for Ginny’s hand, who in turn had hold of Luna. The twins took up the rear, making sure the younger ones were all in front of them and behind the adults.</p>
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<a name="section0050"><h2>50. chapter fifty.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus moved to press the damp cloth to the side of her face when Mary whispered, “Remus… He was there.”</p><p>He hesitated, the cloth dripping down his arm. “Who was?”</p><p>She swallowed with difficulty. “Mulciber.”</p><p>Remus dropped the cloth with a dull slap onto the kitchen tiles. “No…”</p><p>Mary nodded. “He was the one that took me down just-… Just like he did the last time. Leg-binding charm so I fell and cut myself. At least this time I was wearing trousers… my school skirt folded all the way up.”</p><p>“I remember.”</p><p>Mary smiled humourlessly and shook her head. “That was the first thing Lily did when you two came round the corner. You got in front of Mulciber and she ran over to me, pulling my skirt down to protect my dignity.”</p><p>“It wasn’t your dignity on the line.” Remus growled. “It was his and he barely had any to begin with…”</p><p>“He still has the scar, you know. From where you hit him so hard his tooth went through his lip. He got so close to me I could smell his breath, and I was terrified and paralysed from the waist down, but that’s all I could think about. You never let me walk alone through the corridors again.”</p><p>“I’ve still got the scar too.” Remus closed his hand into a fist, showing her the starkly white sliver on his knuckles. “Mary, I promise, next time I won’t let him walk away.”</p><p>“You’ve been saying that for years, Remus.” She muttered, putting her hand over his fist. “We’ve got bigger fish to fry.”</p><p>“I never apologised for that.”</p><p>“Why would you need to apologise?”</p><p>“Because you snuck out to meet us.”</p><p>“Exactly. Us." She repeated. "We were going to be in a big group. I was only by myself because I left my jacket behind, I told Marlene to go ahead without me. If I hadn't done that then-…”</p><p>“But don’t you remember? You didn’t want to come with us that night. It was raining and you were worried we’d be caught. You had an essay to finish. Every one of them tried to convince you to join us and you refused, until James told me to ask you. Then you said yes.”</p><p>Mary chuckled. “I never could say no to you.”</p><p>“So it’s my fault then.”</p><p>“No, Sweetheart, it’s still mine.” She insisted, tears appearing on her lashline. “For being so damn in love with you. All this heart has ever brought me is trouble.”</p><p>Remus sighed and rubbed his face roughly with his hands. “We keep going round in circles.”</p><p>“Good.” Mary said firmly. “Because the other option is a straight line and that has an ending.” A single tear escaped from her deep brown eyes. “I don’t want any endings, not with you.” Their heads were close together now and it took everything in Remus to press his kiss to her forehead instead of her lips. “Remus…” She whispered, tears falling now. A strand of her hair had fallen over her face and moved away from her lips with every shuddering breath that she took. “Remus, if I’d had my wand would I-… could I have-…” A sob escaped from her lips and seemed to scare even her. “If I’d had my wand when I saw him would I have killed him?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Remus told her truthfully. “I think maybe not. As much as I want him dead for all he’s done to you, I wonder if maybe you’re too good to kill someone. Point blank at least.”</p><p>“All of those people, all of those years ago.” She reminded him.</p><p>“We did what we had to do.” He shrugged. “It was those people or our friends, our family. We had no choice.”</p><p>“But I’m a healer, Remus. I’m supposed to save lives, not take them.”</p><p>“You weren’t back then.” He reminded her. </p><p>“But I am now and I will be when the next war comes.”</p><p>“There won’t be-… We don’t know that there’ll be another one.”</p><p>“Of course there will be.” Mary spat, standing up from the table and walking to the window. “There’s always another fucking war. Whether it’s this world or the one my parents lived in. There’s always more death and suffering and pain. There’s always more bloody war.”</p><p>“Mary…”</p><p>“Don’t pretend to be ignorant, Remus,” She demanded, whirling back around to face him. Her wounds looked all the worse in the moonlight. “Because I know you better than anyone. You have known since the day that James and Lily died and Harry got that scar that our fight was not over. You have always known that there would be another war. It’s why you barely sleep when when you’re recovering from a transformation, it’s why you feel like crying whenever Harry makes you proud, it’s why you’re scared to fall in lo-…” She broke off, suddenly self-conscious. “It’s not over. One day I’ll be part of another army and I’ll be expected to kill in order to keep my loved ones safe. And I will. Because as much as I detest war and murder… I love you all twice as much as I hate those things. And I would do anything to keep you safe.”</p><p>“We know. We love you just as much.”</p><p>“It’s funny when I think of all that’s changed since we were twenty…” A small smile flickered back onto her face. “But there’s one thing that hasn’t and I don’t think it ever will.”</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>“We would still die for one another.”</p><p>“That’ll never change.” He assured her.</p><p>“Remus, sometimes I feel like I’m scared of everything.” She whispered, walking unsteadily back to where he sat. “But I’m not afraid of dying. I’ve seen death, I’ve felt its sting, I’ve seen the ruin it leaves behind. But when it comes for me I think I’ll be ready for it.”</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>Her eyes shone as she said, “Let’s go together then, shall we?”</p><p>“It’s a date.”</p><p>Mary snorted. “Shame... that’s the most action I’ve had in months.”</p><p>“Including the Hospital Wing?”</p><p>Her eyes sparkled. “That was a special occasion, you know that! If you weren’t so gentlemanly, you would have taken advantage of my emotional and physical vulnerability by now.”</p><p>“Where’s the fun in that? I need you to be in control of all of your functions before I can try to woo you back into my arms.”</p><p>“I should have known, you bloody noble knight.” She shoved him lightly.</p><p>“How’s the pain?” </p><p>“Arm or heart?” She teased and he rolled his eyes. “Easing a bit now. Thanks to you.”</p><p>“Arm or heart?” He fired back.</p><p>“You’re the reason one of them is hurting at all. I wouldn’t dig yourself much deeper, Sweetheart.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Mary was supposed to return to London after the World Cup, but she needed some time to recover from her ordeal, and so she decided to spend the remainder of the holidays at the house, and would return to London the same day that Harry returned to Hogwarts, dropping him off at Kings Cross with the others and then going back to her accommodation.</p><p>They made the annual trip to Diagon Alley together, along with the few Weasleys that would also be returning to Hogwarts at the end of the summer. Harry’s letter and instructions for the new school year had arrived just a few days after the World Cup and he had screwed up his face when he read what new items were required. “Dress robes? Why do I need dress robes?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged, taking the letter from him. “I’m not sure but it’s on the list, so we’re getting it.”</p><p>Ignoring Harry’s groan (he hated shopping for clothes), Remus said, “He’s already got some upstairs.”</p><p>“He’ll have outgrown them for sure.” Said Sirius. “The last time he wore dress robes was for Ron’s cousin’s wedding, which he then didn’t go to because he had a cold. That was years ago and the kid’s been growing like a shoot for the last few. Besides, he needs trendy ones.”</p><p>“Trendy? Are you two trying to age yourselves?” Cackled Harry and Mary high-fived him.</p><p>“I’d be a bit nicer to us if I were you young man, we might refuse to pay for any dress robes that aren’t hideous if you’re not.”</p><p>“Fine, fine. But please can we make sure that I get the same ones as Ron and Neville so we all match?”</p><p>Sirius nodded at him. “Sure we can.”</p><p>“Who’s teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts this year?” Remus asked Mary, who had picked up the booklist to examine it herself, trying to remain casual.</p><p>Mary smiled softly at him to let him know that it was okay to be sad about not returning to Hogwarts this year, but the smile froze on her face as her gaze landed on the name. Her head snapped up and she glanced a little frantically between Sirius and Remus, blinking in disbelief. “Alistair Moody.”</p><p>“What?” Sirius snatched the paper from Mary’s hand. “Moody?”</p><p>“What’s wrong with him?” Harry asked worriedly. “Who is he?”</p><p>“Moody was part of the Order, he was basically in charge of all of us.” Remus explained, though he looked as shocked as Mary and Sirius. “Dumbledore’s man on the ground, as it were.”</p><p>“Is he a good wizard?”</p><p>“He’ll teach you well.” Sirius conceded gruffly.</p><p>“Sirius?”</p><p>“Moody never really took a liking to Sirius.” Remus said to Harry. “And when your parents died, he was one of the people that insisted Sirius be investigated for having a hand in it.”</p><p>“He told Dumbledore to throw me in Azkaban.” Spat Sirius. “He was always convinced that I was going to toddle off to the other side to join my Death Eater brother. Never trusted me, from day one.”</p><p>“But that doesn’t mean he won’t be fair to you, Harry, or that you should be unfair to him.” Mary said placidly. “Moody took a shine to both of your parents, but your mother especially-…”</p><p>“James was too like me to be trusted completely.” Sirius muttered.</p><p>“But he saw all of us for what we were in terms of magical ability, and he’ll see the same in you… I wonder if he’s changed much.” She pondered. “The Order was his whole life, he can’t have taken it very well when it was all over so suddenly. I think he always fancied that he might die in a blaze of glory kind of way, some big battle to finish the war off in a neat little bow. All he got was early retirement.”</p><p>“Dumbledore mentioned that Moody had become a bit of a recluse when I last asked,” Remus replied. “But even that was a few years ago now. I got the impression that Moody was beginning to lose his mind and that’s why Dumbledore was reluctant to talk about it, but now he’s made him a teacher I guess he must be alright again.”</p><p>“Keep your distance, Harry.” Sirius warned. “I know he’s your teacher but he’s also someone that saw horrific things everyday for a long time and has another stretch of time to mull them over. Even if he seems alright just make sure that you’re not too close at any time if he snaps.”</p><p>“Just stay on your guard, as you should with most people.” Remus added gently.</p><p>~~~</p><p>As planned, Sirius, Remus, Harry and Mary met the Weasleys in Madam Malkin's the week before term began. The only Weasleys returning to Hogwarts, since Percy had left school and joined the Ministry were the twins, Ginny, and Ron, who was finally off of his crutches and walking with only a slight limp now.</p><p>“What do you reckon about these dress robes, Molly?” Mary asked her as she pushed Ginny towards a changing room.</p><p>“Oh they’ll look lovely all dressed up, though I’m not sure what the occasion would be.”</p><p>“Four sets of robes will be setting you back, luckily we’ve only got the one pair to worry about.” Sirius smirked, ruffling Harry’s hair as Remus pointed him towards a rack of black robes.</p><p>“Well actually, we only need to get Ginny a pair. Fred and George are wearing old pairs of Bill and Charlie’s - with some alterations of course, and Ron’s wearing a family heirloom, very lucky.”</p><p>Ron pulled a face. “They smell like my Aunt Tessie.” He muttered to Harry.</p><p>“We’ll wash them Ron.” Mrs Weasley rolled her eyes. Clearly this was a conversation they’d already had several times. Miserably, Ron watched as Remus lifted down a few sets of robes for Harry to try and sent him off to the changerooms.</p><p>Sirius waited until Mrs Weasley was distracted and then pulled Ron aside and thrust a pair of robes that looked roughly his size into his hands. “But…”</p><p>“Just trust me, go put them on.” Ron did as he was told, emerging beside Harry a few moments later. “They look lovely, Ron!” Sirius exclaimed. “Molly, doesn’t your boy look marvellous?”</p><p>“Well… Yes, Ron, you look wonderful, dear. But you know we can’t-...”</p><p>“How about I grab them for you, Ron, as an early birthday present? In fact, let’s get the shopping out of the way early this year and let me get all of them.”</p><p>“Sirius, we can’t possibly-...”</p><p>“You’ve done more for our family than money could ever buy, Molly. Please let me do just this one thing.”</p><p>“Well… if it’s really not too much trouble…”</p><p>“I can’t think of anything I’d rather do! Fred, George, those ones seem to be about your size. No hand-me-downs today, boys!”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The following week, the kids returned to Hogwarts without a hitch. The train pulled into Hogsmeade a little earlier than usual, and they had time to visit their dormitories to get changed if they wanted to before the feast began in the Great Hall. However, as they were on their way to do just that, they ran into a group of Slytherins.</p><p>Malfoy tripped Ron spitefully and he went skidding across the floor, chin first. When he stood, the bottom half of his face was covered in blood, and Hermione paled at the sight. Ginny stood close to her friend, in case the older girl fainted. Luna omitted a small surprised gasp and was the first to move to Ron’s side, patting his chin with the sleeve of her robes. “I think you should go to the Hospital Wing, Ron.” She suggested and Ron nodded, moving his jaw from side to side as though testing to see if it was broken.</p><p>“Come on then,” Hermione shook herself back into action. “Let’s go.” As a group, they gathered around Ron to help him to the Hospital Wing, his face still dripping with blood, and ignored the cackling from Malfoy and his friends.</p><p>When they reached the Hospital Wing, they called out for Madam Pomfrey to direct them to a free bed, when a familiar figure popped out from behind one of the curtains. Harry’s mouth fell open. “Mary?”</p><p>“Madam Macdonald.” Madam Pomfrey hissed in correction, her eyes widening as she saw the state of Ron.</p><p>“You finished your training?” Harry said, hurrying over to Mary and hugging her tight, unaware that he was smearing Ron’s blood onto her crisp white robes. He felt her smile against his cheek and then again as she pressed a quick kiss to his forehead.</p><p>“A couple of months ago.” Mary nodded. “I’ve been apprenticing with Madam Pomfrey and she very kindly offered me a job for the year. I can’t tell you how hard it’s been trying to keep it a secret from you! I had been hoping to surprise you a little later, you know come to the Common Room to say hello and tell you all about it, but I should have known that you lot wouldn’t be able to stay away from the Hospital Wing for too long. Look at the state you’re all in!” The group looked at one another and had to agree with her. They were all a little sweaty and red from having hauled Ron up to the Wing so quickly, and their robes were spotted with his blood. Luna even had some in her hair, matting together the pale strands and making her look as though she had been in a battle.</p><p>“Not our fault.” Muttered Ron, his palm still steadily filling with blood.</p><p>“Well never mind that now. Everybody except Ron go and get cleaned up before the feast, I’ll see you all there. Ron, Sweetheart, hop up on the bed for me and I’ll clean out the cut for you.”</p><p>“Mary?” Harry said, stopping at the door as the others filed out.</p><p>“Yes, Harry?” She replied distractedly, tilting Ron’s face to look at the cut in the light.</p><p>“Well done.” He said sincerely. “I’m really proud of you.”</p><p>“And I of you. Now go, run along! See you at the feast.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Mary followed Madam Pomfrey through the castle to the Great Hall. Usually, they would have eaten in the Hospital Wing, just in case any students needed tending, but Madam Pomfrey said that she always made a point of hearing the Headmaster’s speech. When they arrived, the food was already vanishing and Dumbledore had stood up to speak, so Mary and Madam Pomfrey hung at the back of the Great Hall to watch.</p><p>She spotted Harry in the centre of the Gryffindor table and waved to him and his friends. They waved back enthusiastically and with a slight pang, Mary wished she could go and sit with them, as she had sat with her friends at the same table all those years ago.</p><p>Dumbledore suddenly commanded a silence in the room and began to explain what would take place that year at Hogwarts. The Triwizard Tournament was to be held at Hogwarts. Mary’s eyes widened as she heard him speaking. The Tournament was something she had only ever heard about in history books. It had been banned for being far too dangerous. It didn’t make sense for it to have been brought back, especially at a school like Hogwarts. She felt Madam Pomfrey stiffen beside her, no doubt imagining the kinds of injuries they would have to tend as a result of the Tournament.</p>
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<a name="section0051"><h2>51. chapter fifty-one.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following week, the names were being drawn from the Goblet of Fire, and Mary and Madam Pomfrey once again snuck down to the Great Hall to watch. They took up their same position at the back of the room and waited patiently. One by one the names of the champions were called and Mary joined the students of Hogwarts in their cheers for Cedric Diggory, although she had secretly expected a Gryffindor champion.</p><p>Dumbledore began to give his closing statements when the goblet sparked a fourth time, and another name was spat out of it. The crowds of students gasped. There were only ever three champions. There had to be some kind of mistake. </p><p>Dumbledore caught the name and then mumbled, almost inaudibly, “Harry Potter.” A hush fell over the room as the sound of Harry’s name echoed and then vanished over the crowd. Harry felt numb, unable to move, it was all he could do to seek out Mary’s face and take in the aghast expression on it. Her eyes seemed to be filled with tears, and her pale hand moved to her mouth. She was terrified. Dumbledore cleared his throat and said, “All champions are to go to my office and wait there. Now.”</p><p>Ignoring Madam Pomfrey calling her name, Mary fled from the Great Hall and sprinted up the stairs to Dumbledore’s office. On the way, she met Professor McGonnagal, who was on her way to summon Sirius and Remus to the school. Harry was underage, something had to be done.</p><p>When Mary reached the office and was permitted entry after messing up the password three times in her anxious state, she saw Harry standing pale-faced and alone in the corner of the room, being out-right ignored by the other champions. When he spotted her, relief flooded his panicked face and his arms twitched as though he longed to reach for her but was too self-conscious to do so. </p><p>“Don’t worry Sweetheart,” Mary reassured him, striding over. She had no real right to be there, everyone knew that, but no one dared tell her to leave. “McGonagall is sending a message to Sirius and Remus, they’ll be here in no time. Don’t agree to anything yet.” A few minutes later, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Professor Sprout, several Ministry officials and the Heads of the other schools entered the office. They began to talk almost at once, their voices ranging from accusatory to confused as they questioned Harry. “Stop,” She said suddenly. “He’s underage, his  guardians need to be here. There’s no way that he can participate in-...”</p><p>“And who are you to be any authority on this subject, Madam MacDonald?” Mary wilted a little as Ludo Bagman continued. “I’m afraid the medical staff have no particular claim over students-…”</p><p>“She’s my godmother.” Harry interrupted furiously. “She gets a say.”</p><p>Mary put her hand on the back of Harry’s head, smoothing down the hair on his crown. It only took her a moment to recover from both the jarring accusations by Bagman and Harry’s heartfelt revelation before she announced firmly, “And I say, we wait for his other guardians to get here before we make any decisions. He is, still, only a minor. No matter what the Goblet says.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Well he’s not doing it.” Yelled Sirius, pacing up and down in front of the lake. The sound of his voice, so heavy with fury and frustration sent the birds flying across the lake’s surface, disturbing the tranquil water.</p><p>“He has no choice.” Remus replied quietly.</p><p>“Someone is setting him up,” Sirius spat as though Remus hadn’t spoken, pacing up and down across the uneven bracken. “The Goblet would never have chosen him otherwise. He’s underage, Dumbledore can’t allow this.”</p><p>“Dumbledore also has no choice, Sirius. I already spoke to him, and some of the teachers, about it.” Mary told him. “What that stupid Cup says goes, there’s no backing out because it’s done under the assumption that whoever has put their name inside has made the choice to do so. It’s supposed to be an act of courage and to go back on it is of the highest dishonour.”</p><p>“But he didn’t put his name in the Cup, someone that wants him dead did.”</p><p>“You think I don’t know that?” Cried Mary. “You think I’m happy about this? Do you think, for one second, Sirius Black, that I think that this is a good idea, or that it’s nice that gets to prove how brave he is once in a while?”</p><p>Sirius softened. “Of course not, none of this is any of our faults, but it’s happened and we have all sworn to protect him. Part of protecting him is stopping him from participating in dangerous things. How are we supposed to do that if we allow him to compete?”</p><p>“It’s not a case of allowing him to do anything, Harry doesn’t want to compete, he didn’t do this behind our backs because he thought we’d say no. Someone has done this to him, and I agree that we need to do all we can to help him, but we can’t stop him from doing this. It doesn’t work that way.”</p><p>“He’s going to get hurt.”</p><p>“I’ll heal.” Harry said quietly and the three adults turned to look at him, almost guiltily, as though they had forgotten he was there. “I don’t know why I was chosen but I was. I have to compete whether I want to or not.”</p><p>“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, if you want me to get you out of this then I will.” Sirius promised him firmly. “There will be a way out of this, Dumbledore will be able to change it-…”</p><p>“Sirius, they’re not going to let you talk them into doing anything. I have to do this. I have to be brave, like my parents would have wanted me to be.”</p><p>“Your parents never wanted you to risk your life-…”</p><p>“Padfoot, we can help him. It’s a competition designed for teenage wizards, there’s only so much that can happen to him.” Remus reminded him. “Dumbledore won’t let him get hurt.”</p><p>“And Mary will be here.” Harry added.</p><p>“I can keep an eye on things,” Mary nodded. “Try and help where I can, or at the very least try and find out what the tasks are before they happen. Staff are under strict instructions not to help students competing in the tasks, so I’ll have to be careful but I can definitely try. And at the very least, I’ll be in the medical tent at all the tasks so if he is hurt I can make sure he gets priority.”</p><p>“You’ll keep us informed?”</p><p>“Of course I will. You’re allowed to come and watch every task anyway, but anything that happens outside of that I’ll tell you about as soon as I know about it.”</p><p>“The worst part is that there’s no Quidditch this year because of it.” Harry pouted.</p><p>“THERE’S NO WHAT?”</p><p>“Big picture, please, Padfoot.” Sighed Remus.</p><p>“Right, you’re right.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>That evening, still agitated, Sirius finally managed to say what was on his mind. “Moony?”</p><p>“Hmm?” Remus replied, looking up from his book.</p><p>“Did Mad-Eye seem… Different, to you?”</p><p>“You know, actually, he did.” Remus lowered the book and placed it beside him on the sofa. “I’d heard he’d become pretty paranoid and until he got the job at Hogwarts was basically a recluse, but it was like he was a completely different person. Like-...”</p><p>“Like he didn’t even recognise us.”</p><p>“Exactly. Do you think he could have been hit with some kind of memory charm?”</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “No, we’d have heard if that had happened. Besides, he clearly remembers some things. I don’t know, I just got kind of a weird feeling about him today.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>"Mary, you were happy in Romania.” Harry said, swinging his legs back and forth on the bed she had just finished making. He’d come to spend some time with her during his lunch hour, glad to have an excuse to see her more often. “Why did you come back?”</p><p>A strange expression crossed over Mary’s face and she braced herself to lie, “I-…”</p><p>“The real reason. Please.”</p><p>Mary shrugged and gave him a small smile, knowing he had seen straight through her. “After what happened at the World Cup I thought it would be for the best if I stuck closer to home.”</p><p>“Closer to me?” He pressed.</p><p>“Partly. But the Order needs me here too.”</p><p>“The Order?” Harry’s eyes widened. “Has it reformed?”</p><p>She sighed and shook her head. “Not officially, but we're all on high alert. Ever since the breakout from Azkaban we’ve been worried.”</p><p>“Should I be worried?”</p><p>“No.” Mary patted his cheek gently. “Not yet.”</p><p>“Are Sirius and Remus worried?”</p><p>“They’re always worried, especially when it comes to you, Sweetheart.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>At breakfast the next day, Mary walked up to the Gryffindor table and slid a copy of the Daily Prophet next to Harry’s plate before sitting herself beside him and helping herself to a slice of his toast.</p><p>Harry’s face screwed up in anger as he read just the first few lines of the interview written by Rita Skeeter. He had known she wasn’t really listening when he spoke to her, but he hadn’t expected her to print outright lies. “I never said half of this stuff!”</p><p>“I wondered if you’d seen it yet. Don’t worry, Sweetheart, everybody knows it’s bullshit. Well... all the staff at least.”</p><p>“How can she just print lies?”</p><p>Mary's eyes glittered. “Welcome to the media, darling.”</p><p>“Madam Macdonald,” A stern voice said from behind them and Mary sighed before removing herself from the table, winking at the teenagers as she went. Professor McGonnagal walked with Mary out of the Great Hall before softening her tone. “Mary, I’m sorry.”</p><p>“That’s okay, I know I’m not supposed to eat with them. I just needed to talk to Harry and-…”</p><p>“I know you’re lonely, dear. But you’re right, the student and staff relationship must be maintained, even within your special circumstances with Harry. The issue was the same when Remus was here, it settled down eventually.”</p><p>“I just miss him.” Mary shrugged. “And not just him, I just miss other people that aren’t colleagues.”</p><p>“It gets easier, dear.”</p><p>“Don’t you ever miss not being Professor McGonnagal?”</p><p>The older witch gave her a small smile. “Sometimes. But I’ve been Professor McGonnagal for a long time now. Minnie McGonnagal doesn’t really exist anymore. The person she was, the people she loved-... I can barely picture them now… But I’m sure that won’t happen to you, dear. Excuse me…” And with that she whisked herself away down the corridor towards her office.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Miles away, back at home, Sirius slammed his own copy of the Daily Prophet in down of Remus, slopping his friend’s coffee onto the table, soaking the edges of the newspaper. “His eyes are glistening with the ghosts of his past? What kind of bullshit is that to print?”</p><p>“Nobody reads the Prophet anymore.” Remus tried to reassure him through a mouthful of toast. “Or at least, not if they want to get any truth out of their news.”</p><p>“But that’s the point. People are scared of the truth, they want to believe the lies.” Sirius threw himself down opposite him at the kitchen table. “It’s just like last time Remus. People are going to believe everything that this paper feeds them, and it’s all being fed to the Prophet by the Ministry. Harry is going to become the enemy.”</p><p>“You don’t know that. Besides, this is just a fluff piece about the Tournament. It’s not like the nation is going to watch this all play out, it’s just an inter-school competition.”</p><p>“I hope you’re right… At least he looks handsome on his first front cover.”</p><p>“Second.” Remus reminded him, thinking of the debacle the edition of the Prophet showcasing the Weasley’s Egyptian adventure had caused.</p><p>Sirius hit Remus’ shoulder with the rolled up newspaper. “Are you trying to freak me out?”</p>
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<a name="section0052"><h2>52. chapter fifty-two.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hermione slung herself down beside Harry onto one of the Common Room sofas, accidentally bashing his side with her bag which was stuffed with books, as usual. “Have you got a date for the ball yet?”</p><p>He sighed and rubbed his arm. He’d thought of little else all week and was becoming increasingly more miserable as the days got colder and the Yule Ball drew nearer. “No.”</p><p>“Do you know who you want to ask?”</p><p>After a moment’s trepidation as he decided whether he could confide in Hermione, Harry said, “I thought maybe Cho Chang… She’s really good at Quidditch.”</p><p>Hermione shrugged absentmindedly, clearing more concerned with her own thoughts than Harry’s dating perils. “Whatever floats your boat, I suppose.”</p><p>“Why? Who are you going with?”</p><p>“Well… Victor Krum asked me a few days ago-...”</p><p>“Krum?” Harry jumped. “He’s the Durmstrang Champion!”</p><p>Hermione rolled her eyes at him. “Yes, Harry, I know who he is.”</p><p>“Well, are you gonna go with him?”</p><p>“I don’t know…” She bit down on her bottom lip. “I thought Ron might have asked me, then we could all go in a big group so it was less awkward... but he hasn’t said a word about it.”</p><p>“Why don’t you ask him?</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>“Sure!” Harry chuckled. “Mary would say a modern woman shouldn’t wait around for a man to do the asking!”</p><p>“Alright, maybe I will…" She said, blushing a peachy pink. "Do you think he’d say yes?”</p><p>“Of course he will!” Harry assured her, refraining from telling her that he knew Ron would say yes because he couldn’t be bothered to find anyone else to go with, but he worried that that might hurt Hermione’s feelings.</p><p>At that moment, the portrait-hole swung open and Ron stepped inside with Neville, Dean and Seamus beside him. Clearly worried that she might lose her nerve, Hermione jumped to her feet and said, “Ronald? Are we going to the ball together, or not?” Harry thought this was an odd way of asking someone to a dance but he didn’t dare criticise.</p><p>Ron gaped at her and then said, “Um… Yeah, okay.”</p><p>“Alright then… Good.” Hermione smiled shakily. “What colour are your dress robes? We shouldn’t clash on the night.”</p><p>“Just… Just black. Same as Harry’s.”</p><p>“That makes it easy then. See you later.” And with that, Hermione bounded up the stairs to her dormitory, leaving the boys in a stunned silence.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Harry wandered dejectedly into the Common Room the next day, the scene of his recent rejection playing over and over in his head. </p><p>“Oh Harry, I’d have loved to, but I’m already going with Cedric.”</p><p>In his distracted state, he tripped over the portrait hole and almost crashed head first into Ginny, who caught his arm and laughed at him. “Falling head over heels for me, are you, Potter?”</p><p>“Something like that.” He mumbled and threw himself down into the closest chair.</p><p>“Alright... “ Ginny said, seeing that he was clearly upset. “I have to get to class, I’ll see you at dinner.”</p><p>Suddenly, an idea sprang to Harry’s mind. “Hey Ginny, wait! Do you want to go to the Yule Ball with me?”</p><p>A knowing smirk spread over her lips. “Let me guess, Cho Chang said no?”</p><p>“Well, I-…”</p><p>Ginny giggled. “That’s okay, Harry, you’re in no danger of breaking my heart. I see you as more of a brother than a potential love interest. Besides, someone’s already asked me as well. You should have gone hunting for a date a little earlier, all the good ones are gone!”</p><p>“Not all of them.” Harry replied casually. “Luna’s free isn’t she? Or has someone got to her too?”</p><p>Ginny’s eyes sprang open in surprise. “You’d really take Luna?”</p><p>Harry shrugged. “Sure, why not?”</p><p>She grinned and nodded enthusiastically. “No reason. Yeah, she’s free. I think she’d really like it if you asked her.”</p><p>Harry nodded. “Cool, I’ll ask her at dinner then.”</p><p>“Thanks, Harry.” Ginny squeezed his arm.</p><p>“What for?”</p><p>“Never mind. Just thanks.” She smiled again and stepped out of the Common Room.</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Do I look okay?” Harry turned to see Ron anxiously tugging at his new dress robes and playing with his hair. It was Christmas Eve and the Yule Ball had arrived. The students had spoken of nothing else all week and several times Ron, Harry, Dean and Seamus had walked into their dormitory to find Neville practicing his footwork, worried that he would look silly while dancing.</p><p>Harry snorted. “Since when do you care what you look like?”</p><p>“Well, I don’t usually but Hermione asked me to the ball and I don’t want her to wish she’d gone with Krum instead.” Ron flushed red at his remark and Harry decided to be a little kinder to him.</p><p>“You look fine, Hermione’s seen you much worse than that.” This made Ron chuckle, which in turn made Harry relax. “Besides, count yourself lucky. You don’t have to dance in front of the whole school.”</p><p>Now it was Ron’s turn to snigger. “What do you reckon Luna’s gonna do?”</p><p>“I have no idea. I don’t even know what I’m going to do.”</p><p>Neville finished pulling on his shoes and stood up, competing with Ron at the mirror to get one last look at himself. “We should probably go down. The girls will be waiting.”</p><p>A little reluctantly, and a lot nervously, they descended the stairs from their dormitory into the Common Room where, as Neville had predicted, Hermione and Ginny were waiting for them with Fred and George. Neville half-bounded over to Ginny and presented her with a floral corsage he had asked his grandmother to send him and told her how lovely she looked without any embarrassment. Harry kept walking, knowing they would pick up his date on the way to the hall from the Ravenclaw Common Room, but soon realised that he was now walking alone. He turned back and saw Ron rooted to the bottom stair, his eyes fixed on Hermione.</p><p>She glanced awkwardly down at her dress and pulled at the straps. “Don’t you like it?”</p><p>“Like it? I-... Hermione, you look… You’re beautiful.”</p><p>Hermione’s cheeks flamed as red as the rest of Gryffindor Common Room but she managed to thank Ron in a whisper. Before things could get any more awkward, Harry suggested they make their way to the ball.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Hannah Abbott watched Neville and Ginny dancing, smiling wistfully. Harry felt Luna brush against his shoulder as she stood up. He watched her walk over to Hannah and say a few words, before offering her hand to the Hufflepuff, who blushed but followed Luna out onto the dance floor. They danced together traditionally for a few moments, giggling loudly, before Luna began to dance the way he had seen her do so with her father at Christmas time, and had tried to do in front of the school when she and Harry had opened the ball with the other champions, to Hannah’s simultaneous embarrassment and amusement. After a few seconds of watching her, Hannah joined in.</p><p>When Luna rejoined Harry at his table, he raised an eyebrow at her. “What?” She asked, a little breathless. “It was obvious she wanted to dance and nobody else was giving her a chance.”</p><p>“That was really nice of you, Luna.”</p><p>Luna shrugged and smiled. “It’s not that hard to treat other people nicely.”</p><p>In that moment, Harry felt as though he had never admired anybody more in his entire life. Luna, although she had found a solid friend group through her friendship with Ginny, had spent the last three and a half years being mercilessly teased and, at times, downright bullied by many of her classmates. And yet, despite this, she still had the capacity to see the good in all of them and to treat them as kindly as she would have liked to be treated.</p><p>Harry steeled himself and then asked her, “Luna, would you like to dance with me?”</p><p>Her elfin face broke into a wide smile. “Oh yes please, Harry!” She took his outstretched hand and let him whirl her onto the dance floor, the two of them doing dramatic twirls and leaps that went completely against the rhythm of the music. A few minutes later, they were joined by Ginny and Neville who began to copy them, laughing loudly. Hermione showed up, pulling a confused Krum alongside her, and eventually even Ron sloped towards them, though he kind of just bobbed his head and shuffled his feet instead of really committing to the dance.</p><p>Harry looked around at his group of friends and knew, despite the stress the evening had caused him in its lead-up and the threat of the next task looming over him, that he had never been happier than he was in this very moment, dancing with his friends.</p>
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<a name="section0053"><h2>53. chapter fifty-three.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Early the next morning, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny, Luna and the twins filed into McGonagall’s office and into her fireplace, all of them yawning and rubbing their eyes. Ron was even leaning on Luna for support as he tried to walk and sleep at the same time. They used the Floo Network to get to Harry’s house, where Sirius, Remus and Mary, as well as Luna’s father, Neville’s grandmother, the Tonkses and, of course, the Weasleys were all waiting for them to start their Christmas celebrations.</p><p>Late in the day, after they had opened presents and the kids had all had a quick nap, Harry found Sirius reading alone in the living room, absent-mindedly humming alone to the Christmas music that Mrs Weasley, Mary and Remus were playing in the kitchen while they put the finishing touches on the Christmas lunch. “Sirius?”</p><p>Sirius glanced up from his book, taken aback by the solemnity in Harry’s tone. “Yes?”</p><p>“Have you-… I mean, did you ever-… Oh never mind.” Harry blushed and shook his head, before trying to leave the room.</p><p>“Well now I’m intrigued.” Sirius chuckled, sitting up and putting his book to the side. “Go on, ask away. What’s on your mind?”</p><p>Harry took a deep, anxious breath, and garbled, “Haveyoueverbeeninlove?”</p><p>Sirius raised an eyebrow at Harry. “That’s a big question... Why? Have you?”</p><p>Harry shrugged and flopped down beside Sirius on the sofa. “I don’t know. Maybe not love, but I really like her.”</p><p>“How does she feel about you?”</p><p>Harry’s face folded into a frown. “Barely knows I exist.” He muttered. “I asked her to the ball but she went with Cedric Diggory.”</p><p>“The Hufflepuff Champion?”</p><p>“That’s the one.” Harry sighed dramatically.</p><p>Sirius narrowed his eyes at him. “Didn’t you also ask Ginny Weasley?”</p><p>“Um, yeah I did.” Harry blushed. “But only as friends. I knew she wanted to go and when Cho said no to me I-…”</p><p>“Harry, a girl like Ginny Weasley is nobody’s second choice.” Sirius shook his head disapprovingly. “I’d remember that if I were you.”</p><p>“Okay… Anyway, she went with Neville, though I think he probably wanted to ask Hannah Abbott but he clams up whenever we mention her-…”</p><p>“Harry, come with me, I want to show you something.” Sirius interrupted, beckoning him out of the room and led the way up the stairs to his study. He indicated that Harry should sit down and then dug around in one of his desk drawers, pulling out a tattered book, from which he slipped out a square piece of paper. It was a photograph, yellowing and turning in at the corners and Sirius handed it to Harry. The moving image was of a younger Sirius, only about nineteen or twenty years old, and a girl with golden hair, twinkling her fingers at the camera. Sirius had his arm wrapped around her and his face turned toward hers, as if preparing himself to kiss her.</p><p>“Who-…”</p><p>“Her name was Marlene.” Sirius said, his voice barely rising above a whisper. “Marlene McKinnon. You asked me if I’d ever been in love with anyone, well… there she is. She was it for me.”</p><p>“What happened to her?” Harry asked, afraid already of what the answer would be.</p><p>“We met at school, she was a friend of your mother’s originally.” Sirius sat on the edge of his desk, his eyes gazing above Harry’s head as they ventured into the past. “Then we all joined the Order together. She was one of our strengths, that’s for sure.” Sirius smiled only for a second before it flickered into nothingness again. “So much so that she made an impression on the Death Eaters. She was targeted because they saw her as a threat. As a warning to the rest of us, and all that defied Voldemort, she was murdered along with her entire family a few months before you were born.” He turned back to Harry. “If you had been a girl, Lily wanted to call you Marlene after her.”</p><p>“She was your first choice, then?”</p><p>Sirius grinned. “First and only. Like I said, Marlene was it for me. Just like Lily was it for James. He never looked at any other girl the way he looked at your mother. He never stopped loving her, and he never could have. Just like me and Marls.”</p><p>“You still love her.” Harry said, surprised.</p><p>Sirius nodded. “I always will. That’s the thing about losing someone in that way, you don’t get to gradually grow apart or find things to pick at. You don’t see their flaws, even though everyone has them. You just see them and remember them in the best way, in the way we would all want to be remembered. I picture her, and your parents, and everyone I’ve lost and I see perfection. And to lose perfection, well, it kinda makes you wonder how anyone else could ever live up to it.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Sirius.” Harry whispered. “I’m sorry that she was killed. I’m sorry you didn’t get enough time with her.”</p><p>“No amount of time with her would have been enough. We could have lived as long as the Flamels and I’d have still been asking for a few extra days.” Sirius took a deep breath and then said, “Well, it was a long time ago now… So, is Cho it for you? Do you think she’ll always be your first choice?”</p><p>“Well, I think that-…”</p><p>“Trick question, mate.” Sirius winked. “If you have to think about it, you’re not in love with her.” Harry blinked at his godfather in stunned silence, and Sirius grinned to ease the tension. “But there’s nothing wrong with not being in love when you’re fourteen! You can date her without loving her, as long as you don’t break her heart and you don’t let her break yours. Leave the heartbreak for your first choice, alright?”</p><p>Harry hesitated and then asked his godfather, “Was it worth it?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Love. Was it worth all of the pain that came after it? When you lost her?”</p><p>“I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.” Sirius told him solemnly. “Just like I would with loving your parents. If anything I’d love them all more, and I’d tell them more. I’d feel even deeper, even though that would mean feeling the pain so much deeper as well.”</p><p>“But why? Why not try and save yourself from that?”</p><p>“Grief is the price we pay for love.” Sirius shrugged. “And Harry, trust me when I tell you that a life without love, without true love, is not worth living. That’s how I know you need to wait for your first choice.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Over Christmas lunch, conversations flitted quickly, as they always did when they gathered in a large group. At one point, after being asked how she liked working at the school, Mary frowned and said, “Moody’s different from how he was when we were all in the Order.”</p><p>“Sirius and I thought the same thing!” Remus cried out, pointing at Sirius as though he required back-up to this statement.</p><p>“Well he’s bound to be, isn’t he?” Asked Arthur, popping a piece of roasted potato into his mouth.</p><p>Mary sighed. “I know, but it’s like he doesn’t even remember it. He’s never mentioned it to me and-…”</p><p>“He probably just wants to forget about it.” Sirius said fairly. “It wasn’t a great time for him, or really for any of us. We just remember it through rose-tinted glasses because it was the last time we were all together.”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re probably right...” Although when Mary caught Remus’ eye, she could tell he was as unsure as she was.</p><p>~~~</p><p>That night, Sirius walked into the bathroom as Remus was brushing his teeth. “I told Harry about Marlene.”</p><p>“Oh yes?” Remus spat his toothpaste into the sink and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. “How did that go?”</p><p>“Pretty well. It was quite nice to tell somebody about her actually, though I could never do her justice. But it also made me wonder if maybe I should try and find somebody.”</p><p>Remus shrugged. “Not a terrible idea, though you are far older and uglier than you used to be.”</p><p>“Charming.” Snorted Sirius. “I’m serious though, we should both get out there a bit and meet some new people. We’ve been hanging out with the same lot of people since we were twenty, younger even, and none of them are single.”</p><p>“Well you can have this mid-life crisis on your own. I’m not risking passing anything down.”</p><p>“Don’t act like you don’t want somebody.”</p><p>“Of course I do, but that’s not the life that’s meant for me.” Remus said sharply. “Any love that I have gets handed down to Harry, that’s the way it’s been for nearly fourteen years. Besides, I had my chances at love and I threw them away. I won’t hurt her again.”</p><p>“Mary? Still Mary?”</p><p>“Always Mary.” Remus smiled sadly. “If I was going to do it for anyone it would be for her. But I can’t, and I won’t, so I’m going to be alone forever.”</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes and reached for his own toothbrush. “God you really are depressing as shit.”</p><p>“Charming as always, Padfoot.”</p><p>“Oh come on, mate. Even you have to admit that was some Oscar Wilde level sad-ass bullshit. It doesn’t have to be this big and complicated and crazy.”</p><p>“I don’t have much choice in how fucked up it is.” Snapped Remus. “What? Do you think I choose to be this miserable?”</p><p>“Actually, yes. I do. I think you’re punishing yourself for what you are, even now, even after all of these years of living with it and knowing that it’s out of your control. It’s not your fault but you can’t accept that, so you’re ruining your life for the sake of appeasing whatever weird moral higher being you’ve convinced yourself exists.”</p><p>“Are you done?”</p><p>“Psychoanalysing you? Yeah, think so.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>Sirius raised an eyebrow at his friend. “You know it’s true.”</p><p>“Of course I do.” He sighed. “I figured all of that out years ago, but knowing that it’s self-inflicted doesn’t make it any easier to handle.”</p><p>“What are you most afraid of?” Sirius challenged.</p><p>“Hurting her.”</p><p>“Wrong.” Sirius said, pointing his toothbrush at Remus’ chest.</p><p>“I beg your pardon?”</p><p>“You're scared of giving her the power to hurt you. Letting her love you and letting yourself love her would give her that power and you don’t know how to handle that. But she wouldn’t hurt you, Moony. I know she wouldn’t.”</p><p>“So what are you saying?”</p><p>“I’m saying you should take the chance." Sirius urged. "You should always take the chance when it comes to love. Even when it ends badly, the highs more than make up for it.”</p><p>“Is that what you told Harry?”</p><p>“Something like that.”</p>
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<a name="section0054"><h2>54. chapter fifty-four.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry flopped down at the Gryffindor table, eager for his dinner and yet strangely feeling as though he’d lost all of his appetite. He’d spent the entire day in the library, intermittently joined by various friends, in an attempt to decipher what the second task of the Tournament would be. He felt as though he had got through the first task almost by accident and was certain his luck would not extend much further. He sighed to himself and took up his fork, but as he did so, he caught sight of something unbelievably beautiful and he stopped in his tracks.</p><p>Ginny was wearing his jumper. It was one of his Weasley Christmas jumpers, this one from two years earlier. It was as lopsided and holey as it had ever been, well-worn, slightly shrunken and faded in colour from being washed in too high a temperature. Ginny saw him staring and blushed. “Hope you don’t mind, we had to run out of the Common Room quite quickly and mine was in the dormitory. I didn’t want to get cold.”</p><p>“Don’t mind.” Harry rushed. “Don’t mind at all.”</p><p>“Careful Gin,” Fred warned teasingly. “People will think you’ve changed your name to Hinny.”</p><p>“Or they’ll think you and the Chosen One are getting too close for comfort.” Added George.</p><p>“Have no fear my over-protective kin,” Ginny teased. “I’m quite happy being by myself, and Harry has a whole school of girls to choose from.”</p><p>“A whole country in all likelihood. I mean he’s brave, he’s strong, he’s a Triwizard Champion, and would you look at those cheekbones!” Fred sang, fluttering his hand from his heart to his brow, as though overcome with adoration for Harry. “You could sharpen a quill on the boy’s jawline. He’s a dreamboat!”</p><p>“It’s true, I am irresistible.” Harry replied sarcastically, sending the group into peals of laughter. He pretended to look down intently at his book, still trying to work out what the next challenge might bring, but in reality he was peering through his eyelashes at Ginny in his jumper.</p><p>“Good thing you’re not wearing hers.” George said.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Her jumper. Good thing you didn’t do a swap.”</p><p>“Oh, right… Wait, why?”</p><p>“Because everyone would think it was you and I that were snogging behind the broomshed.”</p><p>“In your dreams." Harry and Fred chorused and once again their friends burst out laughing, even Hermione, though she truly thought it was a mortal sin to make noise in a library.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next day, Harry was back in the library and the afternoon was drawing to a close. Neville was hovering close by, clutching several Herbology books to his chest and rambling on about various plants. Suddenly, Harry lost his patience and snapped, “No offence, Neville, but I don’t really care about plants. I’m just trying to work out how to survive tomorrow.”</p><p>“Sorry…” Neville mumbled, but Harry didn’t look up. He heard Neville shuffling away and the sounds of the books being dumped in Madam Pince’s cart for her to replace on the shelves. Neville had left the library.</p><p>Harry was disturbed again a few moments later by a sharp tap on the back of his head. “OW!” He yelped and turned to see Mary looking at him with one eyebrow raised. “What was that for?”</p><p>“Neville was only trying to help and you were really rude to him just now.” Mary scolded, ignoring Madam Pince’s angry shushing from the other side of the library. “You’d better go and apologise.”</p><p>“But-…”</p><p>“But nothing. That boy is your friend and you need all that you can get in that department. Besides, if you do happen to die tomorrow this might be your only chance to leave a lasting positive impression in his mind.”</p><p>“Thanks for the boost of self-confidence. Fine. Waste of time but-…”</p><p>Mary softened slightly and lowered her voice. “Listen to what he has to say, Sweetheart. I’m not allowed to help you, but if I was, Herbology might not be a bad way to look at tackling this.”</p><p>Harry’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“I can’t say anymore than that. I-…” Mary stopped and her wide eyes looked over Harry’s head at the shelf behind him. “Is that Dobby?”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Harry slapped onto the ground, soaking wet and struggling for breath. He felt hands wrenching him up and he was put back down on a bench close to the other champions, an oversized towel wrapped around his shoulders. He looked up through reddened eyes to see Sirius and Remus, both looking concerned but very proud. He was still spluttering, heaving as Sirius rubbed his back to try and bring any remaining water up out of his lungs when Mary fell down beside him and checked him over. “He’ll be alright.” She told them. “Worst he’ll get out of this is a cold, wrap him up warm. Well done, Sweetheart.” She whispered, pressing a brief kiss to his forehead. “Your parents would have been so proud of you. You were so brave and so kind-…”</p><p>“I came last.” Harry interrupted bluntly. “Why should they be proud of a loser?”</p><p>“They would have been.” She promised without flinching. “Because they loved you. And they knew the value of things. It’s not about winning, it’s about how you play the game. I’ll be back in a minute, I need to check on the others.” Mary stood and turned to seek out Ron, who she found by looking for Hermione, whose curly hair was growing in size and volume as it dried out in the chilly air.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Later, when everyone had been tended to and found to be uninjured, albeit a little water-logged and perhaps in danger of attracting colds, Remus found Mary working alone in the Hospital Wing. She was humming to herself as she folded linens by hand, and he was suddenly overcome with love for her. He remembered what Sirius had said at Christmas and opened his mouth to admit that very thing to her, but when he did, he lost his nerve. “Mary?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>All Remus could muster was, “You look really happy.”</p><p>“I am.” She grinned back at him. “God, I really am Remus. I haven’t felt this alive in-… well, for years and years. I’ve finally got my life exactly the way I want it. It’s perfect.”</p><p>“Good.” He nodded genuinely. “I’m glad.”</p>
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<a name="section0055"><h2>55. chapter fifty-five.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Come on then.” Sirius sighed and began to walk towards the fireplace. “No use us moping around here for the next few hours. Might as well go and spend some time with Mary even if we can’t get hold of Harry until the task is done.”</p><p>Remus stopped him, a sheepish expression on his face. “Actually, we have to wait for a bit.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I told Nymp-... I told Tonks to meet us here so we could all go together.”</p><p>“Tonks?" Sirius' brow furrowed. "My baby cousin, Tonks?”</p><p>“She’s hardly a baby anymore, Padfoot." Remus rolled his eyes. "And yes, she said she wished she could come and watch it and I said that she should just come with us.”</p><p>“When?”</p><p>“When what?”</p><p>“When did she say that she wished she could come? And when did you tell her to come with us?”</p><p>“Few days ago.” Remus shrugged. “Why?”</p><p>“No reason… I just didn’t know the two of you were so close.”</p><p>“We’re not close.” Rushed Remus. “She dropped by to borrow a book. I think I’d mentioned it at Christmas. Besides, she has an interest in Defence Against the Dark Arts. She’s training to be an auror, you know.”</p><p>“Yes, I’d heard. Nearly finished with it, hasn’t she?”</p><p>“Yes she-..." Remus stopped himself. "Well, I’d assume so, as long as the course hasn’t changed.”</p><p>Sirius hesitated, his eyes narrowed. “Moony?”</p><p>“Hmm?” Remus wouldn't look at him. </p><p>“We always tell each other the truth, don’t we?”</p><p>Remus nodded, meeting Sirius' eye just for a second. “Yes. As far as I know.”</p><p>“Good. Just checking… So, what time do you expect young Tonks to arrive? I’m itching to leave.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The third task was over.</p><p>Harry had appeared from the maze sobbing and had fallen to the floor, the body of his fellow champion in his arms. Sirius and Remus had sprinted from the crowd, leaping over barriers and ignoring the calls of officials in order to reach Harry.</p><p>“Harry, it’s alright. Come here, you’ll be alright.” Sirius was on the floor beside him, tugging him away from Cedric’s body and into his own arms.</p><p>Harry shook his head, sobs wracking his body. “He’s dead Sirius, Cedric’s-…”</p><p>“I know, Harry, I know.” Sirius cooed as gently as he could. “Come on, let him go-…”</p><p>“It was Voldemort.” Harry choked. Sirius stopped pulling at Harry suddenly, his face turning even paler than it had already been. He glanced back at Remus who had just reached them and was sinking down beside Sirius. Seeing his expression, Sirius knew that he hadn’t misheard Harry. “Voldemort killed him, the Cup was a portkey-…” He felt something wrench his arm, and he was pulled to his feet. He turned to see Moody, who was grabbing and pulling the material of his shirt in the direction of the castle. Sirius and Remus had risen in unison with Harry, and were both staring at Moody.</p><p>“Harry, we’ll be right there, okay? We’re going to talk to Dumbledore and then we’re going to take you home.” Remus said sensibly. “You’ve had a shock.”</p><p>“He’s dead…” Harry cried out again.</p><p>Sirius winced, Harry’s pain piercing through his own heart. “Everything’s going to be alright, Harry.”</p><p>“Let me through!” Harry heard someone scream and, wrenching his eyes away from Cedric’s pale face he saw Mary trying to push her way through the throng of people. “I know him, he’s my-… Let me through.” Remus stood up to fetch her from the crowd, leaving Tonks by Sirius’ side, and as he left Moody finally succeeded in wrenching Harry to his feet.</p><p>Sirius followed, but heard the cries of Amos Diggory and found himself turning back. How close had he been to making that very noise? How close had he been to crying over Harry’s body? “Go talk to him, Sirius.” Harry said numbly, his own cries having subsided. “I’ll see you at the castle.”</p><p>Sirius pressed his hand to Harry’s cheek. “We’ll be right there, and then we’re taking you home, mate. I won’t let anything hurt you, you’re going to be okay.”</p><p>“Bit late for that.” Harry muttered before he could stop himself, and regretted it as soon as the words had left his mouth. The jarring expression on Sirius’ face made him want to cry again, and the ache in his chest tore ever larger.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Harry closed his eyes as Moody lifted his wand and sneered at him. Harry heard a bang and his body stiffened, but it soon became clear that the sound had not emanated from the wand, but from the door. He opened his eyes and relief flooded his chest as he saw who had entered the room.</p><p>“Get away from him.” Sirius cried, launching himself across the room to put himself between Harry and Moody, his wand raised. Remus stood in the doorway, Mary and Nymphadora Tonks close behind him, also with their wands pointed toward Moody. Seconds later, Dumbledore, accompanied by McGonnagal and Snape, swept into the room.</p><p>“Is it still too soon to say ‘I told you so?’” Mary hissed, presumably only to Remus, though it echoed around Moody’s eerily quiet office. “Because I think you’ll find that I fucking told you so.”</p><p>Dumbledore stepped forward and took command of the situation and, as Moody was revealed to be, in fact, the son of Barty Crouch, and his story was torn from him, Harry found his body failing him. Eventually, he was sitting on the low leather couch in Moody’s office, his eyes barely staying open, his legs trembling. He let his head rest on Sirius’ shoulder, while Mary held his hand and periodically glanced him over to make sure he was alright. Dumbledore wouldn’t let them leave until it was all over.</p><p>Finally, when Barty Crouch Jnr had been taken away, and the real Moody rescued, Harry’s group seemed to snap back to attention. Mary followed Moody and McGonnagal to the Hospital Wing, where she would help nurse him back to health, whilst also treating several students, mostly friends of Cedric’s, for shock.</p><p>Tonks, who had been leaning her weight against Remus, stood to attention as Dumbledore turned to her, her hair turning a shocking shade of yellow as he smiled at her. “Ahh, Miss Tonks. How nice to see you again. May I introduce you to Alastair Moody? He will be your partner when you graduate from the academy. For the first few months, at least.”</p><p>“If I graduate.” Tonks mumbled self-consciously.</p><p>“I have every faith in you.” Dumbledore twinkled at her. “Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders, Miss Tonks, so I wouldn’t think it impossible that you should find yourself holding a certificate very shortly.”</p>
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<a name="section0056"><h2>56. chapter fifty-six.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once again, Sirius sat by Harry’s bedside at the end of the school year, only this time he was tucked up in his own bed at home. As promised, Sirius and Remus had brought Harry home as soon as Dumbledore had given the all-clear and Harry had done almost nothing but sleep for three days. There were various visitors to the house, all coming to check on Harry and help Sirius and Remus with anything they needed.</p><p>There was a small knock at the door and Sirius looked up to see Bill Weasley standing at the entrance to the room. Bill beckoned Sirius over into the corridor and asked, “How is he?”</p><p>“Still exhausted,” Sirius muttered, worry clouding his face. “But the fact that he’s not eating much might have something to do with it.”</p><p>Bill inhaled bracingly before asking, “So Voldemort’s really back then?”</p><p>Sirius nodded curtly. “Yeah, he is.”</p><p>“And the Order of the Phoenix?”</p><p>“No word yet from the real Moody, he’s still recovering at Hogwarts, but I imagine it’ll be back up and running soon. Why? Interested in joining up?”</p><p>“Definitely.” Bill said, almost viciously. “I can’t just stand by while stuff like what happened to Cedric goes on. It could have been anyone, it could have been Harry or one of you siblings-... Cedric was a total innocent, there’s nothing more evil than killing someone like him. I have to fight against it.”</p><p>Sirius grinned and clapped Bill on the shoulder. “You’re a good man, Bill.”</p><p>“Sirius?” Ventured Bill after a moment’s silence.</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“You know how you got me in at Gringotts?”</p><p>“I mentioned your name, it was your talent that got you in there.” Sirius corrected gently. “But yeah, of course I remember. Why?”</p><p>“I was wondering if you could do it again, for a friend of mine. I haven’t been there long enough for anyone to really listen to my opinion on things like that and-…”</p><p>“Who is it?”</p><p>Bill inhaled slowly and, as though admitting a dirty secret said, “Fleur Delacour.”</p><p>Sirius smirked. “Ah… Friend, was it?”</p><p>“Loose term.” Bill mumbled, blushing pink.</p><p>“Right.” Chuckled Sirius. “I thought she lived in France?”</p><p>“She wants to move to London to practice her English and she needs a job to do it. Besides, after the Tournament and everything I think she wants to put some distance between her and Beauxbatons.”</p><p>“I see. Well, I’ll put in a word, but just like last time I’m making no promises, Bill.”</p><p>Bill nodded. “Great, thanks Sirius.”</p><p>“You really like her, don’t you?”</p><p>Bill failed to suppress an embarrassed smile. “Yeah I do. A lot actually. I’ve never met a girl like her before.”</p><p>“Does she like you back?”</p><p>“Yeah, I think she does… I think she might be, y’know...”</p><p>“Then make sure you make the most of every moment that you spend with her.” Sirius advised genuinely. “Appreciate it all, just in case.”</p><p>“Just in case what?”</p><p>Sirius hesitated. “Just make the most of it, okay?”</p><p>“Sirius, I know about the girl from the Order.” Bill said suddenly. “I overheard Mum and Dad talking about her-…”</p><p>“Which girl?”</p><p>“The one you were in love with.” Bill rushed. “I don’t remember her name but-… She died, didn’t she? In the last war?”</p><p>“Yeah, she did... So many of them did.”</p><p>“Do you think it’s going to happen again? Like last time?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged. “I don’t know. I hope not, but I really don’t know.”</p><p>“He’s back,” Bill said, almost to himself. “We all know that he’s back even in the Ministry doesn’t believe Harry. If he’s back for good we’ll have to fight. We can’t just let him win.”</p><p>“If it comes to it, we’ll fight.” Sirius agreed. “But we need to hope it won’t come to it.”</p><p>“You’re right… Well, I’d better be going. Tell Harry I stopped by, will you?”</p><p>“Alright mate, see you later. Oh, Bill?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Her name was Marlene. Marlene McKinnon. And I was in love with her, you were right. Still am, really.”</p><p>“I won’t forget her name again. I promise.”</p><p>“Good. She of all people deserves to be remembered.” As Bill left, Sirius slipped back inside of Harry’s bedroom and was surprised to see the boy lying awake. “How are you feeling?” He asked, but Harry only shrugged. Sirius changed tactics. “What are you going to do with your winnings?”</p><p>“Oh… They’re already gone.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“I gave them to the twins. They’re starting a business. Besides, I don’t want that money. It should have been Cedric’s but his parents wouldn’t take it from me.”</p><p>“What kind of business?”</p><p>“Joke shop.”</p><p>“Well now that sounds like the kind of thing I’d like to invest in! Remind me to talk to them about it next time we see them.”</p><p>“Alright, but you can’t tell Mrs Weasley what they’re doing.”</p><p>“Sounds like a good idea to me.” Sirius chuckled. “You know, Harry, I’m really proud of-...”</p><p>“Sirius?”</p><p>“Yeah, mate?”</p><p>“Thank you.” Harry whispered. “I know you’re trying to make me feel better and everything but-... Well, you can’t fix this one. I’m not ready to talk about it and I don’t want you to ask me about it anymore. Okay?”</p><p>Sirius contemplated this for a moment and then gave his godson a sincere nod. “Okay. Don’t suppose you’re feeling up to a game of Quidditch, are you?” He smirked as Harry ripped back his sheets and headed for his bedroom door.</p>
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<a name="section0057"><h2>57. chapter fifty-seven.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over that summer, Sirius had taken to resting the palm of his hand on top of Harry’s head, the way he had when the boy was small, whenever he walked past him and Harry was sitting down. Harry’s irritation with it had started at the beginning of the summer and steadily grown until finally, he snapped at Sirius and told him to leave him alone. He ducked out of Sirius’ way, ignoring his godfather’s shocked face and stalked out of the room, making his way through the house and out of the kitchen door, settling himself on the garden steps, glaring out into the dusk-lit night.</p><p>A few minutes later, he heard the door open again. He expected Sirius to ask him what was wrong, but instead he found Remus sitting down beside him, not saying anything for several minutes. “I remember you once asked me why we stay alive, when the sky tries to light us on fire every night and every morning.” Remus said finally, a faint smile traced up on his scarred lips. “You thought that time worked like the fireplace did, and that night time was the ash stage. Maybe a phoenix would be a closer resemblance; fire, ash, life?”</p><p>“I was only five.” Harry replied stonily.</p><p>“A simpler time perhaps?”</p><p>“Perhaps.” Harry replied curtly.</p><p>Remus sighed. “You’re hurting him, Harry-…”</p><p>“Too bad.”</p><p>“…- But he’ll never tell you that himself because he knows you’re hurting far worse than anything you could ever do to him. He doesn’t know how to help you, he feels useless.”</p><p>“He could start by not treating me like a baby.” Bit Harry.</p><p>“He can’t help it. The last time you lost someone important you were a baby. He’s reverting.”</p><p>“This is different.”</p><p>“Of course it is. Harry, you’ve been through an enormous trauma, your whole life has changed. And I’m sorry to say that I suspect it’s not going to get much better, not while Voldemort remains at large. But you won’t talk to us about it. Sirius is so worried about you, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s too afraid to ask you to talk because he’s scared he’ll make things worse. He’s trying to make contact in any way that he can, he’s trying to let you know that he’s here.”</p><p>“What if I want to be alone?”</p><p>“Then tell him that, tell him how to make you feel better and he’ll do it in a heartbeat. He’s always done whatever you want him to because he doesn’t want to lose you in the same way he lost-… Anyway… Stay out here if you like, but I’d like you to apologise to your godfather at some point over the next few days please. It’ll make you both feel a lot better.”</p><p>Harry stayed silent, letting Remus return to the house. He sat there alone for nearly an hour, mulling over all that had been said and then finally walked back into the house, a lot calmer than he had left it. He didn’t talk to Mary or Remus, though they both looked expectantly at him from the kitchen table, and instead headed up the stairs to Sirius’ office. He knocked quietly and waited for Sirius to invite him in. “Yeah?” Sirius called out and Harry opened the door. “Oh, I was expecting Moony… What can I do for you?”</p><p>Harry hesitated and then mumbled, “Sirius?”</p><p>“I’ll leave your hair alone, Harry." Sirius rushed. "I’m sorry, you’re too old for-…”</p><p>“He stood on his face, Sirius.” Harry whispered hoarsely.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“We were just taking our wands out and then he was dead,” Harry’s voice cracked and hot tears spurted from his eyes, cascading suddenly down his cheeks. “I didn’t have time to-…”</p><p>“My God…” Sirius breathed, running his hands down his face and walking slowly toward Harry, his arms opening cautiously.</p><p>Taking his cue, Harry launched himself toward his godfather, wrapping his arms around his torso, his face pressed into his chest. As Sirius’ arms coiled themselves tightly around Harry, his cheek against the boy’s head, Harry breathed in the familiar scent of his childhood, and his emotions burst forth. “They killed him just like that." He sobbed. "Voldemort called him the spare. They didn’t care about him at all, it made no difference. It was like Cedric was an insect or something.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Sirius groaned, rocking Harry back and forth.</p><p>“Not your fault.”</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “I should never have let them make you compete in that tournament.”</p><p>“He would have found me some other way.” Harry shrugged. “It’s me, Sirius, it always has been. He wants me and he’ll kill anyone standing in his way, or just standing near me, in order to get to me. You’re all at risk.”</p><p>“You’re worth the risk.” Sirius assured him fiercely.</p><p>“I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t want to be me.”</p><p>“Harry, listen to me.” Sirius settled Harry in the chair at his desk and then knelt in front of him. “You would be insane not to want Voldemort to leave you alone. You would be insane not to want to live a normal life. But you should always want to be you. All of the good in you, Voldemort can’t ever take that away. It’s what’s protected you for all these years.”</p><p>“Sirius, he’s going to kill you.”</p><p>“Maybe." Sirius shrugged. "But that doesn’t matter. All that matters is-...”</p><p>“No!” Harry roared suddenly, launching himself out of the chair. “I don’t want you to die, not for me, not for anyone. I need you.”</p><p>“Harry-...” Sirius said, but his godson had already left the room, storming to his own bedroom and slamming the door shut behind him.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next morning, Harry stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen where Mary and Sirius were sitting, eating their breakfast. Sirius was stirring his coffee beside the sink, and he turned to greet Harry as he entered. “Want one?” He asked. No sooner had the words left his mouth that Harry was sick down himself. He felt his knees wobble and was glad to feel strong arms beneath him. Sirius had sprinted towards him and caught him before he could fall, his coffee cup abandoned, tipped over and dripping onto the tiled floor. “Okay, mate, okay. Don’t worry, just keep breathing.” He murmured, as though uttering a mantra.</p><p>“Fawn, do you think you’re going to be sick again?” Mary asked him gently.</p><p>Harry screwed his eyes up shut. “I don’t know.”</p><p>“Then come and stand near the sink for a few minutes in case you are. You can lean on the side and we’ll clean this up-…”</p><p>“I can do it.” Harry protested weakly as Sirius helped him towards the sink.</p><p>“Don’t be silly, Sweetheart.”</p><p>“We still get to look after you sometimes, mate.” Sirius chuckled, but Harry could tell that he was worried. </p><p>Harry leaned heavily on the edge of the sink, breathing deeply. His eyes flickered upward and he caught sight of himself in the kitchen window, pale and clammy. In an instant the image warped and he resembled Voldemort as he had looked in the graveyard. The reflection smirked cruelly and his scar began to burn. Harry heaved again, tearing his eyes away from the window and staring into the metallic sink. He felt Sirius rubbing his back and he tried not to cry. </p><p>After a few minutes, he hadn't brought anything else up, so he was allowed to retreat to the living room, where he collapsed on the sofa in front of the blank television and closed his eyes. He stayed in that position for the rest of the day, intermittently sleeping and robotically answering questions about how he was feeling. At some point Mary flicked the television on so that his eyes had something to focus on, but he wasn’t really watching it. His mind was elsewhere, racing in a panic, while his body stayed totally still, with the exception of his churning stomach.</p><p>In the end it was Remus who stayed with him for most of the day, while Sirius went up to his office to work on something and Mary left the house to do something in London. Harry was glad it was Remus. Remus didn’t ask questions, he didn’t have to wonder what was going on inside of Harry’s head. He knew what it felt like to be tortured by what was inside of you. The most he did was ask Harry if he’d like something to eat, which the boy declined. </p><p>Towards the end of the day, Mary returned with a few of the Weasleys in tow. “What’s going on in here?” Molly asked as they entered the living room. Harry barely glanced up, his eyes focused lazily on the television.</p><p>“Harry’s not very well today.” Remus said generously.</p><p>“No better, Fawn?” Mary pressed. Harry said nothing.</p><p>“What’s the matter?” A softer voice asked, and Ginny neared Harry. “Are you alright?”</p><p>“I’ll be fine.” He replied quietly.</p><p>“Come on Molly, I’ll make you a cuppa.” Remus said tactfully, leaving the room with the women following behind him whilst Ginny settled herself beside Harry on the sofa, lifting his feet into her lap.</p><p>“I remember when you got this.” She said, watching the television. “We were all so excited. Do you remember? We all crowded around it when there really wasn’t enough room. I had to sit in Charlie’s lap just to be able to see.”</p><p>“I remember.”</p><p>Ginny paused and then asked, “Are you actually fine?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Alright." Ginny said simply before moving towards the pile of VHS tapes next to the television. "Wanna watch the one with the girl in the red slippers and the yellow path?”</p><p>Harry cracked a smile. “Sure, Gin. That sounds nice.” Ginny scrambled onto the carpet, reaching for the stack of VHS tapes beside the television and sifting through them. Her hair shone a brilliant amber in the afternoon sunlight and Harry couldn’t help but notice how pretty she looked. He opened his mouth to say something about it, when Sirius, Remus, Mary and Mrs Weasley walked into the living room looking grave.</p><p>“Harry, we need you to go and stay with the Weasleys for a bit.” Sirius told him. “Just for a week or two.”</p><p>“Why?” Harry asked suspiciously, sitting up despite still feeling woozy.</p><p>“The Order’s reforming, you know that already, but what you don’t know is that I’ve donated my mother’s house to the cause. We have to go and get it ready for Order business and there are some things that need to be sorted out before most of the members descend on it.”</p><p>“Well then I’ll come with you, I can help.”</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “Sorry mate, Dumbledore’s orders. You’ll be welcome with the Weasleys, but until that time you have to stay away.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“He didn’t give a reason and I didn’t question him.”</p><p>“You’re going to be talking about me behind my back again, aren’t you?”</p><p>“Probably.” Sirius admitted with a small smile. “Even if we are, it makes no difference. You can’t come until later, so you either stay with the Weasleys and enjoy the last of the summer holidays or one of us stays with you here, possibly impeding Order business. You decide.”</p><p>Harry glanced at Ginny and shrugged. “Fine. Can we watch our film now?”</p><p>The adults nodded and shuffled back out of the room, while Ginny bounced back up onto the sofa and dragged the blanket that lay over the back of it over both of their legs. “It’ll be fun having you stay with us again.” She said brightly. “I’ve missed you since school finished.”</p><p>“I’ve missed you too.” Harry told her honestly. </p><p>Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Sirius’ face was a muddle of emotions. “I’m not sure we’re doing the best thing.” He said.</p><p>“Padfoot, don’t start.” Remus muttered.</p><p>“He’s old enough to understand what he’s getting himself into." Sirius insisted. "He should be allowed to fight the thing that killed his parents. The thing that killed Cedric Diggory.”</p><p>“You’re not thinking of Harry, Sirius. You’re thinking of James.” Remus snapped.</p><p>“So?”</p><p>“So you’re putting Harry in danger because when he talks about the future he looks exactly like James did.” Mary jumped in. “I see it too, we all do, but this is not the Order as it was seventeen years ago and Harry was chosen for this, he didn’t choose it for himself.”</p><p>“He needs to learn how to defend himself.” Sirius argued, his voice rising.</p><p>“I agree, but you need to know that he is not the same person that James was.”</p><p>“Mary’s right, Sirius.” Molly said gently.</p><p>“Okay, well, how about this? We let him in on some things. He can’t join, and we don’t let him into all the meetings, but we make him feel somewhat involved. He can come to Headquarters, that kind of thing. I just don’t want him feeling like we’re still making all the decisions without him when he’s the only one that’s really faced Voldemort in the last fourteen years.”</p><p>“It’s not a bad idea...” Mary mumbled, looking to Remus for agreement.</p><p>“Fine.” Remus said sharply. “You’re his godfather, it’s your call.”</p><p>“Speaking of Headquarters,” Molly said. “Do we have one yet? Is your mother’s house a definite?”</p><p>Sirius frowned. “My mother’s house is mine now, though it isn’t that nice. Still, it’s well-protected and untraceable.”</p><p>“Sounds ideal. Surely a little cleaning will make it habitable at least.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t count on it, Mols.” Sirius muttered with a grimace, though he seemed a little amused. “It’ll be absolutely filthy.”</p><p>“What about the old house elf?” Remus asked him.</p><p>“Kreacher won’t have touched a thing since my mother died. He’s probably still in mourning. He was a lazy git anyway, would only clean something when ordered to, but my mother really liked giving orders so it worked pretty well for them.”</p>
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<a name="section0058"><h2>58. chapter fifty-eight.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, Harry found Sirius shaving in the bathroom. It was one of the only things that he always did the Muggle way. His father had always made Kreacher shave him with a straight razor, but Sirius had always refused to be touched by the elf. At Hogwarts, some of the other boys had experimented with shaving spells, with varied results, but Sirius’ vanity had stopped him from risking anything by pointing a wand at his face. On his fifteenth birthday, as a present to himself, he had walked into Hogsmeade alone and purchased his first razor and had shaved by hand ever since. Sirius raised an eyebrow at Harry when he spotted him in the mirror, his image distorted by water droplets. “Think it’s time you gave it a go?” He asked lightly, hoping not to embarrass or pressure Harry.</p><p>Harry jumped and then took a wary step into the bathroom. “How do you know when you’re ready?”</p><p>Sirius smirked. “Do you have hair on your face?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Do you think you’d prefer it to not be on your face?”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s itchy.”</p><p>“Then you’re ready. Here, I have a couple spares in the drawer. Foam up your face too.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Sirius had gone to Grimmauld Place alone the previous day and returned with a disgusted look on his face. “It’s minging, but that was to be expected. Weird old lady smell but whether that’s leftover from my mother or if it's just Kreacher, I’m not sure.”</p><p>“Reckon it’ll be alright?”</p><p>“Yeah, Molly’s there now.” Sirius nodded. “She met me there, determined to clean it up.”</p><p>“You just left her to it?” Remus asked, shocked at Sirius’ rudeness.</p><p>“She insisted! She said she remembered how bad I am at cleaning charms and said she’d rather I didn’t get in the way. I’ll pop back tonight to see how she’s getting on.” Sirius stuck to his word and reported back that Mrs Weasley had managed to clear away a large portion of dust and debris, but had found that Kreacher was a bit of a pest. “He wouldn’t let her get rid of anything he deemed too precious. He’ll only listen to me, and only because he has to. I’ll have to supervise the rest of the cleaning, but I’ve sent her home to get some rest-...”</p><p>“Oh sure, with seven children I’m sure she gets plenty of that at home!”</p><p>“And I’ll meet her back there early tomorrow.”</p><p>“You still want the rest of us there at midday?”</p><p>“Yeah, I think that’ll be good. It won’t be totally perfect but I think the sooner we get established there, the better.”</p><p>“And I can come?” Harry tested.</p><p>Sirius hesitated. “You can, but you have to do what I say while you’re there.”</p><p>“I thought I was supposed to do that anyway.”</p><p>“Well, yeah, but you don’t so… But there you have to, okay? If I say you have to leave a room and not listen to something, you have to do it. You’re not joining the Order, but you are allowed to be sort of involved. It’s only fair.”</p><p>“Are the Weasleys doing the same thing?”</p><p>“Yes but mostly because I think Molly doesn’t trust them alone at the Burrow with nothing to occupy their time.”</p><p>And so, the next day, Remus accompanied Harry to Grimmauld Place via apparition. It was Harry’s first experience with it and he was violently ill into the bushes when they landed. “You’ll get used to it.” Remus said, patting Harry’s back supportively, but grimacing as Harry wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. “Come on, this way.” They walked down the street, Harry staggering a little as they went, and eventually came to the house Harry remembered so vividly from the year before.</p><p>Remus opened the front door and they came face to face with Sirius, who was yelling at a screaming portrait of a woman Harry recognised as a younger version of his mother. “Shut up, you hag!” He cried out, wrestling with the two curtains on either side of the portrait. He turned and spotted them standing in the doorway. “Moony, help me!” Remus rushed forward and helped Sirius shut the curtains, upon which the shrieking woman quietened.</p><p>“What the hell was that?” Harry asked, his hands clamped over his ears.</p><p>“The old crone’s been doing that all day.” Sirius groaned. “I can’t get her off the bloody wall.”</p><p>Harry had already lost interest in the screaming portrait. “Are the Weasleys here?” He asked.</p><p>“Ginny will arrive with the rest of her family shortly.” Sirius replied coyly. Harry scowled at him, so Sirius rolled his eyes and said, “Some of the others are here. And I think mini-Tonks is in library."</p><p>“She’s not really mini anymore, she’s twenty-two.”</p><p>“Yeah but her dad is still Tonks to me and she was Nymphadora until she put her foot down about that. It’s not easy for me to keep it straight.” Remus strode off in the direction of the library while Harry followed Sirius into the kitchen, where Sirius had been stacking boxes of provisions. </p><p>A few minutes later, Harry heard the front door bang open again and the excited chattering of the Weasley family floated into the house as they all shuffled inside, laden down with their trunks and bags. Harry rushed from the kitchen and ran smack-bang into Ginny, knocking her to the floor and falling to it himself with an, “Oomph!”</p><p>“Smooth, Harry.” Sirius muttered, low enough that nobody else heard him, rolling his eyes as Harry helped a giggling Ginny to her feet again.</p><p>“I’m fine.” She promised him. “How are you? You look better.”</p><p>“I am better. Well… a bit better.”</p><p>“I’m glad.” Ginny grinned at him and Harry’s heart thudded even harder.</p><p>“Um… hi?” Ron said, waving awkwardly and Harry turned to greet him and the rest of the Weasleys, leaving Ginny to make her way further into the house.</p><p>“Hi Ron!” Harry said a little too eagerly and took his friend up the stairs of Grimmauld Place so that the two of them could set themselves up in Sirius’ old bedroom.</p><p>Later that night, when the rest of the house had fallen quiet as people occupied themselves with various evening activities, Harry climbed down the stairs in search of a glass of water. He had expected the kitchen to be empty, but he found a woman sitting in the corner of the room. He almost didn’t recognise her at first. She was sitting in one of the plush armchairs, her knees up against her chest and her arms lying loosely around them. She was lost in thought, her face cold and worried. Her hair was shorter than it had been the last time he saw her, barely grazing her jaw. Upon hearing the noise of his entrance, she snapped out of her trance and tucked her hair behind her ears, her eyes flashing over in his direction. When she saw him, however, she transformed back into the old Mary right away, his Mary.</p><p>She grinned heartily at him as he said her name, surprised but overjoyed to see her. “Hey there, Fawn!” She laughed as he hurried over to her, leaning down to hug her. She tugged him down to sit beside her in the oversized armchair, her arm over his shoulders. She ran a hand through his hair, neatening it as best she could and pressing an affectionate kiss to his cheekbone. “When did you get so grown up?”</p><p>Harry repressed the bitter urge to reply, “While you weren’t here,” and simply asked, “What are you doing here?” instead. He wasn’t angry with her, not really. She had done what she needed to do and he was happy about that. But he missed her, and it sometimes bubbled forth as a jealous thought, as though he did not think the rest of the world deserved to have her around as much as he did. To be fair, she had spent more time with him than Sirius or Remus over the last year because of her position at Hogwarts, but over the Summer she had visited only once at the beginning and never again. He realised now that she had been busy with Order business, but there was still a childish part of him that was angry at her for not being close when he needed her, when he was struggling.</p><p>“Same as everybody else.” Mary shrugged in reply, rearranging her legs so that the two of them were wrapped around one another, comfortable and close. “The Order’s back and so am I.”</p><p>“For good?” He suggested hopefully.</p><p>Mary smiled softly and reached out to put a hand on his cheek. “For now.” She corrected him gently, scared to get his hopes up in case she had to hurt him again.</p><p>Sirius walked past them and smiled, resting his hand on Mary’s shoulder for a second. “Good enough.” He insisted and shot Harry a warning glance that told him not to make Mary feel bad for leaving. Time with her was precious, he wasn’t to ruin it by being selfish or making her feel guilty.</p><p>“I’m not moving back in with you guys, but I’ll be here at Headquarters as much as possible.” She explained. “Besides, my contract got renewed at the school so we’ll still see each other there. Though I hope you’ll have less injuries this time round.”</p><p>“No promises.” Harry mumbled, as a bustling in the corridor alerted him to the fact that Arthur Weasley had arrived back with Hermione and Neville, and he heard Hermione and Ron already arguing loudly.</p><p>“Some things never change!” Laughed Remus into his mug of tea as the new group walked through the doorway and into the living room, Hermione and Ron bringing up the rear.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The first Order meeting was one designed to focus on organisation and administrative suggestions, so it was deemed that Harry would be allowed to attend but the Weasleys, who tended to get bored and distracting when all together, would not. He sat close to Sirius, determined to stay quiet and soak in all of the information he could so that he could share it with his friends. Dumbledore arrived with Mad-Eye Moody, the sight of who made Harry’s stomach jolt unpleasantly, until he remembered that this was the real Moody. Dumbledore began by reeling off all of the members of the Order, especially those that were not in attendance. This became a little tiresome to Harry, who didn’t recognise most of the names on the list. That was, however, until Dumbledore said, “…- and Severus, of course.”</p><p>Harry jumped. “Severus Snape?” He clarified.</p><p>Dumbledore peered at Harry over his half-moon spectacles and nodded. “Yes, the very same.”</p><p>Harry opened his mouth to express his distaste, but shut it again as he caught eyes with Remus from across the long table who shook his head ever so slightly and mouthed, “Not now.”</p><p>“Here, look at this. Distributed this morning.” Arthur said, pushing a copy of the Daily Prophet across the table towards Harry. The headline read ‘The Boy Who Lies?’ with a flickering image of Harry from his publicity shots for the Triwizard tournament beneath it. Fury bubbled beneath Harry’s surface, but he saw no shock or surprise in the faces of anyone else at the table. They had already seen it.</p><p>Harry’s face fell. “I don’t understand-…”</p><p>“Pay no attention, Sweetheart.” Mary advised, pulling the paper away from him again. “You know what the Prophet’s like, it’s all rubbish. But it is good to know what everyone else is hearing and seeing how much it correlates with the truth-…”</p><p>“But why would I lie about this?”</p><p>“You wouldn’t.” Sirius said simply. “Nobody would. It’s a ridiculous notion, and one that the Ministry doesn’t truly believe. They believe you, they’re just too afraid to admit it because to do so would cause widespread panic and convince people once and for all that the Ministry has lost control of this situation.”</p><p>“Which they have.” Harry mumbled.</p><p>“Perhaps. But they’re gaining control of other sectors to make up for it. Their aim is to control the minds of the people, even if they cannot control the things that face them.” Said Arthur, his face creased with concern.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“All institutions are going to have Ministry officials positioned in them, under the pretence that everyone must be up to the same standard. But in reality, it’s just an attempt to gain more control. The more reach you have, the more influence you have and their best bet is targeting vulnerable minds. Young minds.” Harry froze and glanced at Sirius for confirmation. His godfather nodded slowly.</p><p>“The school?” Harry clarified for the benefit of the rest of the table who would not have detected the subtle communication between them.</p><p>“Exactly.” Affirmed Arthur. “I don’t know who exactly it will be yet, but a Ministry official is going to take up a position at Hogwarts, most likely the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, since that is the most recently vacated and the most pressing to fill.” Harry tried to ignore the way Remus flinched at the mention of his ex-position, in the hopes of in turn ignoring the gnawing thoughts about how much better the school would be if Remus were allowed to fill the position instead.</p><p>The rest of the meeting was concerned with allocating tasks to various people. Remus and Tonks were paired up for a mission that very night at the Ministry, in which they would hopefully find out what went on there once most Ministry employees, like Arthur Weasley, went home each day.</p><p>When the meeting ended, Harry chased Sirius up the stairs as he walked to the room he had chosen for his study. “Snape is part of the Order?” Harry hissed as Sirius slammed the door shut behind them hurriedly, pressing his back against it.</p><p>“Shh, someone will hear you.” He ordered, moving away from the door and further into the room, slinging himself down into the chair behind the grand desk. The one his father had seemingly permanently occupied when Sirius was a child and in want of someone to play with.</p><p>Harry pointedly refused to sit down in the chair opposite, leaning on the back of it and staring down at his godfather. “Good! I want them to hear me,” He declared loudly. “I want them to question why he’s involved in this at all.”</p><p>“He was part of it last time-…” Interrupted Sirius, refusing to meet Harry’s volume and busying himself with a stack of papers on the desk that he had abandoned when Harry had arrived earlier that day.</p><p>“Only after first giving the whole Death Eater thing a go.” Spat Harry. “I suppose you look at that as more of a phase.”</p><p>Sirius slammed the papers back down onto the desk and raised himself up from the chair. “Look, Harry,” He snapped. “Snape isn’t my favourite person either but he is part of the Order whether we like it or not. Dumbledore trusts him, which means that I do.” He lowered himself back into the chair, lowering his voice at the same time. “You can make your own mind up in regards to that, but it doesn’t change anything whether you like him or not. He’s part of this just like the rest of us and he’s fighting for the same thing.”</p><p>“As far as we know.” Harry muttered under his breath.</p><p>Sirius gritted his teeth and sighed deeply, before speaking again in a much quieter and gentler tone, realising that his godson was upset and not trying to argue just for the sake of arguing. “Harry, when he joined up the last time it took me a long time to trust him, your dad too.” He said. “At school we didn’t like him and he didn’t like us. But we found a way to work together. It’s part of being a grown up and part of being a member of something like the Order. It’s important that we all trust each other. I would trust Snape with my life, not because I like him, but because he is a member of the Order of the Phoenix. Every single person in this house I would gladly lay down my life for and I know that they would do the same for me.”</p><p>“You suspected him, didn’t you?” Harry said, tucking what Sirius had said away into the back of his mind. “When my parents were killed,” He elaborated. “You thought he was the one that betrayed them.”</p><p>Sirius sighed. “Yeah, I did.” He conceded, but hastily added, “But Harry, people suspected me too. No one knew what was going on or who was to blame. We had to face the fact that people we trusted with our lives had the ability to turn around and betray us in an instant. I never, in a million years, imagined that Peter could do something like that and he did. I could have quite easily imagined Snape doing it, and he didn’t. Life is complicated. People are complicated. Those days were awful because apart from not being able to imagine someone trying to hurt your parents, I never imagined I’d live in a world where they didn’t exist.”</p><p>“If my dad didn’t trust him then I don’t.”</p><p>“That’s your choice. But you would do well to remember that your mother trusted him with her life, and it served her well for a long time. Your father trusted Pettigrew with his, and look where that’s left us.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Remus walked a few steps in front of Tonks, his hand gripped tightly in his hand. He glanced back at her and smiled. Her hair was a deep green, almost black, and he wondered if she had done it to help her blend into the dark. “What are you grinning at?” She teased him.</p><p>He shook his head. “Nothing, come on, let’s go.” They took a few wary steps into the centre of the atrium, but voices from the other side made them leap back into the inlet of the wall that they had been hiding in.</p><p>“Who’s there?” A voice called and a few spells went whizzing past their hiding spot. Tonks leaned forward as though to look towards the voices, but Remus grabbed her to him, holding her out of harm’s way. When the danger had passed, he found himself unwilling to let her go. He looked down at her and saw that she was staring up at him, her irises fading to a pretty peach colour.</p><p>“Tonks I-...” Remus began but she cut him off by stretching up onto her tiptoes and pressing her lips to his, her cold fingertips on his jaw.</p>
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<a name="section0059"><h2>59. chapter fifty-nine.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“If I didn’t know you so well, I’d offer you one.” Mary snorted, taking the packet off the balcony rail and sticking it back into her jeans pocket as Harry appeared behind her that evening.</p><p>“That seems a bit unfair.”</p><p>“Risk Sirius’ wrath?” She shook her head exuberantly. “No thank you. Your health is the most important thing, Fawn. You stay away from my pack.”</p><p>Harry shrugged. “Fine, if you insist.”</p><p>“So, what’s bothering you?”</p><p>He turned to her with surprised eyes. “Does something have to be bothering me to want to talk to you?”</p><p>“No, but you only ever seek me out when I’ve snuck away to have a smoke when something’s on your mind. Usually, we’re thinking about the same thing. Is it to do with the Order? I imagine today was pretty overwhelming, yeah?”</p><p>Harry took a steadying breath. “Mary… Why did my dad hate Snape so much?”</p><p>“Oh…” Her eyes widened in surprise. Clearly, this hadn’t been the question she had been expecting. She cleared her throat and said, “Well, it started off as just teasing. Kid stuff. James was young and stupid, a complete idiot really. They all were, but they grew out of it eventually. Later on, your dad didn’t like Snape for a more serious reason and it turned into a grudge that lasted for the rest of his life.”</p><p>“What was the reason?”</p><p>Mary’s face warped a little and she pulled back, stubbing her cigarette out on the railing. “I think you should ask Sirius or Remus-…”</p><p>“No, I’m asking you.” Harry pressed gently. “Did it have to do with my mother?”</p><p>She relaxed a little at hearing him say it. “You know that they were friends, then?”</p><p>“Yeah, but then they fell out when my mum started going out with my dad.”</p><p>“Actually they stopped being friends a bit before that, and your dad was there for your mum after the fall out. That’s one of the reasons they ended up together, I think, though I know they secretly liked each other before that. Snape said some pretty horrific things to Lily, and James was never willing to forgive and forget them.”</p><p>“What kind of things?”</p><p>Mary chewed on her bottom lip. “Do you remember how it felt when Draco Malfoy called Hermione… that word in your second year at Hogwarts? You know, the word that applies to the blood status of Hermione, me and your mum as well?”</p><p>“Yeah, I was furious.” Harry’s blood boiled just at the memory.</p><p>Mary smiled softly. “Now imagine you were in love with Hermione. Could you forgive and forget?”</p><p>“No… No, I couldn’t.”</p><p>“There you go then. That was James’ reason. But regardless of all that, Harry, Snape has grown up a lot since then, we all have. He made his peace with your mum, even if your dad wouldn’t hear of it.”</p><p>“So you think I should trust him?”</p><p>“I think you should trust Dumbledore, and the rest of the Order.” She replied simply. “Follow their lead. It hasn’t steered you wrong so far, has it?”</p><p>“Mary?”</p><p>“Yes, Sweetheart?”</p><p>“Does it feel like it did before? Like it did the last time? The Order, I mean.”</p><p>Mary took a long, deep breath in before exhaling it in a quick puff, as though the question was all at once exhilarating and terrifying. Too big to answer, too important not to. “Well that depends…” She replied slowly. “What does it feel like?”</p><p>“I-I don’t know. Weird, a bit overwhelming-…”</p><p>She smiled knowingly at him. “But a bit exciting too?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“And I suppose you wouldn’t describe yourself as fearless, but also you don’t really think anything too terrible could happen to you, right?”</p><p>Harry moved closer to her. “Is that what it was like for you? For my parents?”</p><p>Mary’s face softened and she leaned towards him, her voice lowering. “Harry, tell me, honestly... do you feel scared?”</p><p>“Yes.” He replied with hesitation.</p><p>“Do you want to fight regardless of that fear? Do you think it’s the right thing to do?”</p><p>He nodded. “Yes, of course.”</p><p>“Do you feel alone?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Then I’d say, yes, it feels like last time.” She wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “But knowing this won’t help you in trying to figure out if it’s going to end the same way as it did last time, Sweetheart. The only way to figure that out is to live it, and try to keep yourself alive long enough to see its conclusion.”</p><p>“And everyone else?”</p><p>Mary ran her hand over her face, dragging her fingers through her hair as if she were suddenly overcome with tiredness. “Harry, Sweetheart… We tried so hard to keep each other alive last time, and it didn’t work. I can’t count, even on both hands,” Mary lifted her hands, palms facing the ceiling, her silver rings glinting in the dim yellow light, as if she were speaking to the gods, “The amount of dear friends that we lost. Dead or out of their minds or running away because they were afraid or, even in prison.” Her face darkened as she pictured Pettigrew. “They’re all gone. Sometimes I wonder if we’d decided that it would be every man for himself, would more of us be alive now.” She slumped a little in her chair and Harry was struck by her candidness. Mary had never really treated him like a child, he had never felt that she’d hid things from him. She had always seen him as a person, her equal in every way. They were friends, best friends, and she cared deeply about him. But this was the first time that she had revealed her doubts to him, her fears. She spoke with such honesty, he wondered if maybe she was seeking his approval or even his advice, when it was he that had sought hers so many times before.</p><p>He braced himself and asked her, “What answer have you settled on?”</p><p>Mary’s sad face broke into a gentle smile, and the light flickered back into her eyes. She shrugged, simply. “It would never have worked. We loved each other too much.” She said, and Harry knew that she was glad of this fact, even if it might have been their biggest downfall. “Harry, I wish I could give you the right advice to make sure that you stay safe, because at the end of the day, Sweetheart, you’re my number one priority. It’s the same for Remus and Sirius too, and you know that it is. We will do anything to keep you alive. But I can’t bring myself to lie to you, Fawn, and I know, just as they do, how like your parents you truly are. Looking out for just yourself might keep you safe, but it’s not in your nature. It’s not in your blood. You were born to love others, just as your parents did. I’m not going to bother trying to tell you not to worry about anyone else because they can take care of themselves, even if I think it’s the truth. You won’t stop worrying because you won’t stop caring. So, if you need to save the world, Sweetheart, bloody well go out there and save the world. God knows we need saving.”</p><p>Downstairs, the front door banged open and shut and Mary smiled. “That’ll be Remus.” Harry said, relief flooding his chest to know that he had made it home safe.</p><p>“Go check on him, Fawn.” Mary urged and Harry hurried back into the house, taking the steps two at a time.</p><p>“Remus? How’d it go?” Harry grinned. Remus nearly jumped out of his skin and rubbed his mouth with his sleeve, turning to look at Harry with wide eyes. “Not good?” Harry asked.</p><p>“What? Oh no, it was fine. Yes, it was helpful. Um, I’m going up to shower. Night, Harry.” And Remus rushed past him up the stairs.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Three days later, Harry and Ginny were sitting in his room, alone. Ron, Hermione and Neville were all staying with them too, enjoying the last days of summer before the school term started back up, but they had fallen asleep in the living room. Harry found himself telling Ginny everything that he had learned from the Order and from Sirius and Mary. “Everyone expects me to do something grand and amazing but-... I don’t think I’m up to it. Why do they want me to know all of this?”</p><p>She smiled gently. “Don’t you get it, Harry?”</p><p>“Get what?”</p><p>“You’re the prince. They’re just waiting for you to ascend to the throne and take on all the responsibility that comes with being king.”</p><p>Harry rolled his eyes. “Don’t you get it, Ginny? The crown doesn’t fit and I don’t want it.”</p><p>“You don’t get a choice. You are the choice. The Chosen One. Whether you like it or not, you have to do this. I wish that it wasn’t that way, if I could change it or swap places with you or something then I would but I can’t. It was always going to be this way.”</p><p>“Ginny?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>Harry’s voice cracked. “I’m scared.”</p><p>“Me too.” Before Harry knew he was doing it, he had reached across and pressed his lips to hers. She kissed him back, her freckled cheeks flushing pink. “Maybe we should just get some sleep.” Ginny whispered when they pulled away a few moments later. “Mum always says things look better in the morning.” With this, she pulled him down beside her and cuddled close and, though neither of them slept very well, they did feel a lot better when the sun finally came up.</p>
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<a name="section0060"><h2>60. chapter sixty.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The night before Harry and his friends were due to return to Hogwarts, Sirius caught Harry in the kitchen getting a glass of water. Everyone else had fallen asleep and Harry was on his way up to his bedroom. “Harry, I need to tell you something.”</p><p>“What is it?” Harry yawned.</p><p>“I just need you to know something about our life together. Just in case.”</p><p>“Just in case of what?”</p><p>Sirius inhaled slowly and said, “Mate, I barely survived the last Wizarding War, I doubt if another comes I’ll make it out the other side. And if that happens, well-… Some people think that you and I are quite an unlikely pair, thrown together no matter how successfully by tragedy. But we have more in common than they might think.”</p><p>“Of course we do.” Harry whispered, anxiety tightening his throat.</p><p>“We both had pretty unhappy beginnings, and if things go the way I think they might I’m going to have a pretty unhappy end. I just want you to know that, because of you, I had a very happy middle. And I’m more grateful to you, Harry Potter, than I am to anybody else in the world. And I love you more than anybody else too.”</p><p>“Sirius, I won’t let anything happen to you-…”</p><p>“It’s not up to you, never. And if something happens to me, you aren’t to blame yourself. I’m going to do everything in my power to keep you safe, that’s how it’s always been, even if I have let you down before-…”</p><p>“You didn’t, never. Sirius please-…”</p><p>“We don’t need to talk about this now, mate.” Reassured Sirius. “I just wanted you to know how important you are to me, just in case.”</p><p>“Well then, just in case, I want you to know that I feel so lucky to have been raised by you. You’re my best friend, Sirius. And I love you.”</p><p>“Come here, mate.” Sirius opened his arms and Harry walked into them, clinging to his godfather in a way he hadn’t done since he was very small and scared of something that now would have seemed so inconsequential.</p><p>“Sirius, I’ve been thinking...”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“I think we should move Order Headquarters.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Grimmauld Place, it’s not good for you, for any of us. So much lingers there and I can see how much it bothers you to be back there, especially at night.”</p><p>“You’re right.” Agreed Sirius. “Hearing my mother scream at the whole lot of us every time we walk through the door isn’t overly comforting when we’re already on edge. But we can’t move them to the house in case someone follows us home or-…”</p><p>“We can’t move it to your house,” Harry corrected. “But mine’s been abandoned for years.”</p><p>“Harry…”</p><p>“Think about it, Sirius. It’s hidden away and nobody knows it was passed into my hands except us and the keeper of my safe at Gringotts. Nobody would ever suspect it. Besides, my parents never even lived there as adults and I didn’t visit until I was nearly ten. It’s big, it’s empty and it doesn’t have your mother in it, it’s perfect.”</p><p>“A part of me wishes that argument wasn’t quite so compelling. It’s certainly not a bad idea. I’ll discuss it with Dumbledore but I have to say it does make a lot of sense. Grimmauld Place can serve in some other capacity and hopefully, if it comes to it, this will be the place that’s targeted and not the actual Headquarters.”</p><p>“Exactly! Besides, from what everyone tells me about my grandparents I think this is exactly the kind of thing they would want me to do with their house.”</p><p>“I think they’d rather you lived in it and stayed far away from any wars but I take your point. Your paternal grandparents, not unlike your parents were never overly interested in playing by the rules, especially when they thought the rules were unfair.”</p><p>“That settles it then!” Harry grinned and moved to go up to bed, but Sirius called after him.</p><p>“Harry?”</p><p>“Yes Sirius?”</p><p>“We’ll be a proper family again one day. When all of this is over and things go back to normal.”</p><p>“Are we not a family now?”</p><p>“We’ll always be family. You, me, Remus and Mary, and if you want to talk about extended family then the Weasleys too. We’re family, we’re connected, but we’re not together the way families are supposed to be. But we will be again one day. Okay, mate?”</p><p>“Okay. As long as you know that I don’t need all of the sentimental chocolate box stuff that you think a family is supposed to be. I don’t need pancakes on Sundays or camping holidays or games night. I just need you. You and Remus and Mary. That’s all.”</p><p>“You deserve more than that.”</p><p>“I don’t want more than that. And I don’t want you to mope around like you’ve failed me somehow. I don’t need a saviour anymore Sirius, though I know that’s exactly what you were when my parents died. I just need my godfather and my friend.”</p><p>“Alright, I hear you. What do you suggest?”</p><p>“No more sending me away while you deal with the tough stuff. No more keeping me out of business that concerns me. No more keeping secrets because you want to protect me. I appreciate what you’ve been trying to do, all of you, but from now on we take things on together or not at all. Or better yet, I do it all myself and keep the rest of you safe.”</p><p>“That’s out of the question.”</p><p>“Why? It’s me he wants, it’s me that’s going to have to face off with him one day. Why not just cut to the chase.”</p><p>“Because I’m not ready.” Sirius’ voice cracked. “In fact, I will never be ready for that. I promised your parents that I would keep you safe at all costs. Even if you decided to hate me because I wouldn’t stop hovering round you. Even if you never spoke to me again because I ignored everything you just said, I will still be there to protect you. I will die before you, Harry Potter, I swear to you I will. If it’s in aid of saving your life, then so be it.”</p><p>“That’s not fair, that’s not what I want-…”</p><p>“Surely you know by now that life isn’t fair. It’s time to grow up Harry, you can’t-…”</p><p>“If I’m grown up to understand then I’m grown up to fight my own battles. I have been for a long time. The Cup knew it last year, The Snitch knew it when I was eleven. For God’s sake Sirius, somehow I’ve known it since the day I got this scar-…”</p><p>“That is enough. This conversation is over. From now on you will know exactly as much as I want you to know and you will not go looking for trouble. Do you understand me?”</p><p>“I-…”</p><p>“It is a yes or no question Harry. I am not in a debating mood.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Good.” Harry thundered up the stairs to his bedroom and slammed the door with a resounding thud. A few seconds later, Remus wandered tentatively into the kitchen. “You think I handled it badly?” Sirius accused him, frowning deeply.</p><p>“Well frankly Padfoot I’m not sure how well that conversation could have ever gone. Your timing on the other hand, less than ideal.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“I mean, he goes back to school tomorrow morning and now he’s holed up there with Ginny and we probably won’t see him again until it’s time to leave for the train.”</p><p>“Shit.”</p><p>“It’s alright. You said your heartfelt goodbye. He’s angry now, but if anything bad happens he’ll remember the good sentiments rather than the fight.”</p><p>“Are you sure about that?”</p><p>“No. But it’s too late to change it now so why bother worrying about it?”</p><p>“That’s true I suppose.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Two days later, Harry was walking across the castle grounds, vaguely thinking he might go and visit Hagrid, but rather feeling like he wanted to be left alone. Suddenly, a figure appeared beside him, clearly having followed him from the castle. Sirius was wheezing a little at having run after him, but when Harry looked at him, he summoned a broad grin for his godson.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Snapped Harry.</p><p>“I came to talk to you. I-…”</p><p>“Not interested. Apparently you have nothing to say to me so if you don’t mind, I’m going to continue on my walk.” Silence fell on the clearing and Harry was tempted to glance over his shoulder to check if Sirius was still there or if he was walking back towards the castle. But he felt something warm and wet hit his hand and he glanced down in surprise. “Ew, Sirius. Leave me alone.” The big black dog snorted and padded along beside him for a few minutes. Every once in a while it butted the side of his leg with its head or else stuck its nose back into his hand. “Stop it. Someone’s going to see you and then where will you be? Or worse, everyone will think I’m even more mental for talking to some random dog.” The dog quirked its eyebrows at him. “Okay so they already think I’m mental but I don’t have to prove it… If I say I’ll talk to you will you turn back?” Without further prompting the dog vanished and his godfather was in its place again, smiling hesitantly at him. “That trick won’t work forever you know.”</p><p>“It’s never let me down before.” Sirius smirked. “Always worth a try. Your dad could never resist it either.”</p><p>“Did he stop talking to you often?”</p><p>“Only when I’d properly messed up.” Sirius told him honestly. “Only when I’d really hurt his feelings.”</p><p>“Guess I’m just as like him, as people say.”</p><p>“Harry, I came to say that I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I figured.” Harry muttered under his breath.</p><p>“You know what Mary would say if she heard you talking like that.”</p><p>Harry sighed. “She’d tell me not to be unkind. You’re just doing your best.”</p><p>Sirius nodded. “Yeah she would, but I’m not going to. I know I screwed up.”</p><p>“She’s right.”</p><p>“Maybe. But I think we need to start acting more like friends than godfather and godson. We’re both adults now, or almost. I still need a bit of growing up. But the point is, you’re allowed to be pissed off at me, your feelings are valid. But I hope that at one point or another maturity will take over and you’ll be willing to hear me out.”</p><p>“I’m ready now. But can we go down to the lake first? It doesn’t seem right that we should have a big talk anywhere else.”</p><p>“Sure, kid. Let’s go.” As they had done several times before, Harry and Sirius had a long and respectful conversation as the lake lapped at their toes and the sun moved all-too quickly in the sky. Harry accepted Sirius’ point of view and Sirius promised to try and respect Harry’s wishes when it came to handling Voldemort. They hugged tightly to conclude and when they pulled away Sirius reached into his robe pocket. “Here, I have something for you.” He handed a small package to Harry. “Be careful, it’s a little sharp. It’s a two-way mirror, your dad and I used them when we were apart during our early school summers. I’ve got one piece back at the house and this one’s yours. This way, if you need me, you don’t have to bother with owls that might be intercepted and things like that.”</p><p>“That’s a good idea, thanks Padfoot.”</p><p>Sirius smiled at him and patted his cheek gently. “You’re welcome, mate. Well, I’d better get back. I love you, Harry.”</p><p>“Love you too.” Sirius turned to go but Harry stopped him. “Wait, I have to tell you something.”</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>Harry braced himself and then announced, “I kissed Ginny.”</p><p>Sirius’ face broke into an amused grin. “You did what?”</p><p>“It just kind of happened but-... we’re going out.” Harry shrugged, blushing violently.</p><p>“Well congratulations, mate.” Sirius clapped him on the shoulder. “How did Ron take it?”</p><p>“Erm…”</p><p>Sirius saw right through his hesitation. “Harry, you have to tell him.”</p><p>“I know I do… I just don’t know how.”</p><p>“You’ll figure it out. He’s your best friend.”</p><p>Harry rolled his eyes. “That’s why it’s so difficult!”</p>
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<a name="section0061"><h2>61. chapter sixty-one.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Harry? Can I talk to you for a second?” Cho Chang was half-jogging down the corridor behind him and when she reached him, she shot him a smile that he still found quite dazzling, even if he preferred Ginny’s. It was late and the school corridors were dark and almost deserted. Looking at the stack of books in her arms, Harry deduced that Cho had been studying late in the library. He, himself, was only there because he’d been attending Umbridge’s detention and his hand was still throbbing from the experience.</p><p>“Sure. What’s up?”</p><p>“Oh, can we go in here? It’s private.” She pushed her way into the empty classroom they’d halted beside and Harry followed her, thinking nothing of it. “I just wanted to say thank you, for telling everyone about how Cedric died and-... Well, making sure that people know he died bravely, not just by some accident or something. It means he died for a reason, almost, and it helps.”</p><p>“Oh… You’re welcome. I was just telling the truth.”</p><p>“Well, I really appreciate it.” She whispered, her eyes glistening with tears. And then, all of a sudden, Harry got the horrible feeling that she was going to kiss him. He was right. She moved forward, closing her eyes and tilting her head. Harry realised what was coming and took a quick step backwards, coughing awkwardly. Cho’s eyes sprang open and her face fell.</p><p>“I’m really sorry.” Harry rushed. “I think you’re really great and… if… last year-... But I can’t. I’m seeing somebody else.”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“Ginny.”</p><p>“Ginny Weasley?” Cho’s eyes nearly popped out of her head.</p><p>“Is there another one?”</p><p>“Oh… no, I suppose not. Does Ron know?”</p><p>“Not yet.”</p><p>Cho snorted. “Good luck telling him.”</p><p>“Erm… thanks… I’d better go. Sorry, again.” Harry rushed off towards the Gryffindor Common Room and practically leapt through the portrait-hole. The Common Room was almost deserted, with the exception of Ron and Hermione. Hermione had fallen asleep on one of the sunken sofas in front of the fire, and Ron was half-heartedly doing some homework nearby.</p><p>Seeing Harry, Ron stood to join him upstairs in the dormitory. First, however, he moved towards Hermione. She was curled up on her side like a comma, her face facing towards the fire. The book she had been reading was folded over her arm as though using her wrist as a bookmark. Her cheeks were flushed pink from the proximity to the fire, but her hands were pale white and cold. Ron sighed fondly and wandered towards her.</p><p>Carefully, so as not to wake her, he moved the book out of her grip, using one of her quills as a bookmark. She wouldn’t want to lose her page and to fold down one of the corners was unthinkable. Then, with a self-conscious glance around the Common Room and seeing nobody but Harry and Neville, who were pretending not to watch, he pulled the red and gold checkered blanket off of the back of the sofa and placed it gently over her. As he pulled it up to just beneath her chin, he couldn’t stop himself from stroking her cheek gently with the back of his index finger, before pulling his hand away as though she had burnt him, shocked that he had done it. Harry too was surprised to see the tender gesture, but then again, it wasn’t unthinkable. Ron and Hermione had been best friends for years, and they did love each other, even if they bickered sometimes. And she really did look like she needed someone to take care of her in that moment, and growing up a Weasley had taught Ron that particular skill early on.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Ginny leaned away from Harry to look at Neville’s Herbology homework. “How did you draw that diagram so well?”</p><p>Neville shrugged. “It’s not too hard, I have a lot of practice.”</p><p>“Will you help me do mine?”</p><p>“Yeah, sure!” Neville pulled her parchment over to him and read the instructions on her homework sheet before picking up his quill and carefully etching out a diagram for her.</p><p>At that moment, the door to the Common Room flew open and Ron ran inside, Hermione calling after him, telling him to calm down. “YOU’RE DATING MY SISTER?” Ron raged, throwing himself at Harry and pushing him to the floor.</p><p>“Ron, stop it!” Hermione shrieked.</p><p>“Get off him, you idiot!” Ginny hit at Ron, trying to pull him off of Harry.</p><p>Harry turned his face to avoid being punched and caught sight of Luna hovering in the open portrait-hole, her face even paler than usual. Her wide, watery eyes were trained on them and she looked unnaturally focused. “HOW COULD YOU?” Ron screamed at Harry.</p><p>“It was an accident.” Harry promised. “I didn’t mean for-...”</p><p>“AN ACCIDENT?”</p><p>“Good one, Harry.” Ginny muttered sarcastically.</p><p>“How did you even find out?” Harry demanded, rolling away from Ron and managing to get to his feet again.</p><p>“Cho Chang told everyone she made a move on you but you said you couldn’t because you were dating Ginny.”</p><p>“Cho Chang made a move on you?” Ginny scowled at Harry.</p><p>“Please tell me you also listened to the second part of that sentence.” He pleaded with her.</p><p>“Well, duh, you don’t have enough game to two-time me, Potter.” She smirked.</p><p>“HE SHOULDN’T EVEN BE ONE-TIMEING YOU!”</p><p>“Ron, I don’t think that’s a saying.” Hermione chuckled and the tension in the air seemed to dissipate slightly.</p><p>Ron sat back, still frowning, but didn’t shout anymore. “You should have at least told me, Harry.” He half-whimpered. “I thought we were friends.”</p><p>“We are! Best friends, but that’s why I didn’t tell you. I was scared you’d react like-... well, like this!”</p><p>“Right… Sorry… Just a bit of shock, that’s all.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry too…” But that moment, the portrait door swung open again and Fred and George ran inside and made a beeline for Harry.</p><p>“YOU’RE DOING WHAT TO OUR SISTER?” They chorused as Harry, having learned from his mistake, took off up the stairs at a sprint.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Mary held Harry’s hand gingerly but said fiercely, “I won’t let her do this to you, Sweetheart. I’m going to go to the Ministry and-…”</p><p>“Mary, you know you can’t do that.” Harry hissed, pulling his hand back. He had come straight to see her after his detention with Professor Umbridge, in which she had forced him to etch ‘I must not tell lies’ into the back of his own hand over and over with an enchanted quill. He hadn’t expected Mary to fix the problem, but he needed to tell someone and he ached for the comfort of home, especially now. “Things will only get worse. I can get through this, it’s not too bad. It’s important that I do so that the Order can keep working on cracking the Ministry. We can’t make an enemy out of them, not while we need them to believe that Voldemort is back.”</p><p>“Fine.” She muttered bitterly. “You’re right, I know. But it’s so hard for me to see you in any kind of pain.”</p><p>“I’m tougher than I look.” Harry smirked at her. “I’m like you in that regard.”</p><p>“I guess so.” Mary sighed. “Alright, but I want you to come and see me every day so that I can clean the wound for you, we aren’t going to let it get infected. And if this escalates, Fawn-…”</p><p>“Then we reconsider.” He promised.</p><p>“Exactly. Off you go then, get a good night’s sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p><p>“Mary?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Don’t tell Sirius and Remus. Please. They’ll only worry, and there’s nothing they can do about it anyway.”</p><p>She hesitated guiltily and then said, “We’ll keep it between us for now, but if anything changes I’m going to tell them. Okay?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>But the next day, their plan had been foiled already. “Who bandaged your hand?” Demanded Umbridge, cornering Harry after Defence Against the Dark Arts the next day.</p><p>“I did it myself.” Harry lied badly.</p><p>“No you didn’t. I don’t imagine you went to Madam Pomfrey either, did you? No, it would have been the other one, the one you’ve lived with before. Macdonald? Is that her name?”</p><p>“I bandaged it myself, I barely see Mary anymore.”</p><p>“Another lie, Mr Potter. Not good enough at all. That’ll be another set of lines thank you very much.” She flicked her wand in his direction and the bandages fell to the floor in a neat pile, leaving Harry’s skin stinging.</p><p>Scowling, Harry stormed out of her classroom the moment the bell rang and went straight up to the Common Room, not even in the mood for dinner. He was glad to find Ginny up there, pulling her hair up into a ponytail in the mirror above the fire, clearly on her way out of the tower to go down for dinner. She smiled when she saw him, but it faltered when she saw the look on his face. “Umbridge?” Harry nodded wordlessly. “How’s your hand?” Ginny asked worriedly, turning all the way towards him now, and Harry held it out for her to examine. She winced and handled him tenderly, pressing a kiss to his palm to avoid getting anywhere near the cut. “Why haven’t you gone to Mary to get it wrapped back up?”</p><p>“I can’t. Umbridge worked out that Mary had done it for me. If she does it again, I know she’s going to punish her and I won’t let her do that. Mary’s dedicated herself to me completely since I met her, I’m not going to be the reason she loses her job. Not when I was the reason Remus lost his.”</p><p>“I wish you’d stop blaming yourself for that… Harry, it might get infected.” She grimaced, looking a little closer at the wound on his hand.</p><p>“I’m going to ask Hermione for a cleaning spell.” He reassured her. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”</p><p>“I’m worried for you.”</p><p>“Please don’t be.”</p><p>“Oh good, I don’t care anymore! You fixed it.” She said sarcastically, but Harry simply pressed his lips to hers instead of replying. Ginny couldn’t help but smile, though she was sure to push him a little make sure he knew that kissing wouldn’t get him out of everything. “Come on, idiot.” She chuckled. “I’m hungry.” His plans now changed for the evening, Harry followed Ginny down to dinner, holding her hand tightly in his uninjured one.</p><p>When they reached the table, their friends were buzzing with chatter. “What’s going on?” Asked Harry as he and Ginny sat down between Dean and Ron.</p><p>“Umbridge put up another decree.” Fred announced to the group, flopping down between Harry and Ginny, half-crushing his sister in the process. There wasn’t enough room for him, but he and George had made it a point to make sure Harry knew where he stood in terms of his relationship with their sister. “Male and female students must stay at least thirty centimetres away from each other at all times.”</p><p>George winked at Harry. “Tough luck, mate.”</p><p>“She can’t possibly enforce that.” Hermione rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Guess you’ll have to keep your hands off our sister, eh, Potter.” Fred smirked.</p><p>“Oh shove off, you two.” Ginny rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Umbridge is getting out of control.” Ron shook his head, and reaching for a piece of bread. “I mean what’s next? I can’t look at Hermione when she’s speaking? Luna has to send us messages via carrier pigeon?”</p><p>“Actually, I’ve had an idea about how we could go about figuring all of this out.” Hermione said. “How would you all feel about joining a new group?”</p><p>“What kind of group?”</p><p>“A Defence Against the Arts group… A club, of sorts, I suppose.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Well think about it. That woman hasn’t deigned to teach us a thing since we came back this term and things are only getting worse outside of these walls. I for one don’t fancy graduating and immediately being blown to bits because I never learned any good defence spells.”</p><p>“But how are we supposed to learn them without a teacher?”</p><p>“We’ll have a teacher.” Hermione replied simply.</p><p>“Who?” Harry, Ron, Neville, Dean, Seamus and the twins chorused.</p><p>“Harry!” Ginny said suddenly. “Of course it’ll be Harry.”</p><p>“Me? What the-...”</p><p>“Think about it. You’ve faced You-Know-Who more than anyone else in the world, and survived it. You were raised by the three best wizards I know, we’ve seen them duelling, including Remus who actually is a Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher!”</p><p>“Yeah but I’m not.”</p><p>“You could be, easy.” Ron remarked.</p><p>“Well-...”</p><p>“Oh why not give it a try, Harry?” Hermione suggested lightly. “We haven’t got anything to lose.”</p><p>“When did you become so lax about breaking school rules?” Chortled Neville.</p><p>“When that school stopped teaching me properly. I’ll put up with a fair amount but I hate having knowledge kept from me.”</p>
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<a name="section0062"><h2>62. chapter sixty-two.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It took only a little more convincing before Harry agreed to teach them Defence Against the Dark Arts. They arranged to meet in the Room of Requirement and Hermione managed to gather several other students to join too. Harry’s nerves dissipated within the first lesson as he watched them listen to him and take on board all that he said. He couldn’t help but enjoy himself and knew this must be how Remus had felt during Harry’s third year.</p><p>During their fourth meeting, the door to the Room of Requirement opened halfway through, scaring them all half to death. But a familiar face appeared, grinning at them, and they all instantly relaxed. </p><p>“Mary?” Harry half-laughed. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Hermione told me about your little club, and gave me one of these coins.” She flipped it with her thumb. “Ingenious, really. Thought I’d drop in and see what it was all about for myself.”</p><p>Harry bit his lip. “Are you going to tell Sirius and Remus?”</p><p>“I already did. We all knew you were up to something. They’re in full support. Actually, they’re inappropriately proud of you for breaking school rules so boldly.”</p><p>Hermione stepped forward. “I asked Mary to come because Fred and George told me about when she taught them how to duel with Sirius. I thought she could help us, tell us about what it was like the last time.”</p><p>An hour later, after telling the students all she could, Mary left them to it, feeling hopeful but emotionally drained. As she left the Room of Requirement and turned the corner, however, she came face to face with Professor Umbridge. </p><p>“Madam MacDonald. Come with me please.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>When Harry and his friends left the Room of Requirement about half an hour later, they were struck by the eerie quiet of the school. They walked towards the Great Hall, but spotted a crowd of people standing in the courtyard outside and rushed to catch up to them.</p><p>In the centre of the courtyard, were two women, looking dejectedly at the castle. As Harry and the others arrived amongst the crowd, Professor McGonnagal brushed past them and hurried to the centre of the courtyard, where she took one of the women, Professor Trelawney, under her arm. She spoke hurriedly to the other woman, and Harry’s knees buckled as he saw her reply, her silver rings flashing in the cold light of the afternoon. </p><p>Mary quietly stood a few feet away from Trelawney, her face expressionless as she held her suitcase in front of her. McGonnagal strayed from Trelawney’s side just for a moment, leaving the sobbing witch to cling more desperately to her possessions, and put her hand out to touch Mary’s cheek. It was only then that Harry realised that Mary’s face was badly bruised and there was a cut in the early stages of healing beneath her left eye. She smiled reassuringly at McGonagall as an unspoken message was sent between them. McGonnagal nodded and returned to Trelawney. </p><p>Harry took a few stumbling steps forward, but Ginny caught hold of his sleeve and pulled him back beside her. “You can’t go out there, you know you can’t.” She whispered. Harry glanced back long enough to register her wide terrified eyes. Quickly he pressed a kiss to her forehead and then broke off in a sprint across the courtyard, ignoring the shocked gasps of his fellow students as he did so. </p><p>He reached Mary in only a few seconds and wrapped his arms around her instantly. “No Fawn, no.” Mary mumbled and as they pulled away from one another, he saw tears were slipping down her cheeks, the salt stinging the cut beneath her eye. “I’m alright, Sweetheart, but you need to go. Go back and stand with the others, it’s not safe.”</p><p>“I won’t leave you.”</p><p>“You have to, she’ll be out here in a second.” Mary hissed, trying to push him back in the direction he had come from. </p><p>“She’s right, Potter.” McGonnagal pressed. “Mary will be fine, you’re going to make things worse-…” A sickly hush fell over the crowd as the distinctive tapping of Umbridge’s heels echoed towards the scene unfolding. Mary inhaled sharply and then shoved Harry behind her with a strength he had never known her to possess before. McGonnagal did the same thing to Trelawney and Harry’s stomach jolted as he heard the slinking sound of both witches slipping their wands up their sleeves, ready to be drawn at a moment’s notice. Trelawney’s sobs continued to fill the air as Umbridge’s figure came into view, accompanied by the gang of Slytherins she had enlisted. </p><p>“I had hoped we could do this with a little less… drama, but as it is.” Umbridge spoke loudly for the sake of the crowd and it was clear that this was exactly the arena she had hoped for. “The Ministry has decided that these members of staff are no longer needed at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry-...”</p><p>Madam Pomfrey strode forward into the centre of the courtyard and looked Umbridge directly in the eye. “I’m here to speak on behalf of Madam Mary Macdonald, Medic and Assistant Matron at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”</p><p>“You are not the witness for the defence, Poppy.” Umbridge sneered. “Nobody is on trial here.”</p><p>“Could have fooled me.” McGonagall muttered. </p><p>“What I mean to say is that there is no use trying to prove innocence or guilt. Both of these staff members have proved themselves to be incapable of serving the school in the capacity for which they were hired and so-…”</p><p>“May I ask when you received your medical qualifications, Professor?”</p><p>“I don’t need medical qualifications to see that-…”</p><p>“That Mary MacDonald is one of the finest medical practitioners I have ever come across in all of my years in the field? Her capabilities, I assure you, go above and beyond those of even myself. She has never done anything less than exemplary work from the moment she came to this school under my tutelage and, furthermore, I do not remember a single time when you entered the Hospital Wing and observed either her or my work during your time at the school.”</p><p>Umbridge’s face became even more pinched and it took her several seconds to reply curtly. “She is no longer employed at this school and so cannot be permitted to stay-…”</p><p>“I’m afraid I must disagree with you there, Dolores.” Dumbledore swept into view and Harry’s heart lifted at the sight of him. “You have every right to stop my staff members from practicing in their particular field, but you do not have the right to force them to leave this castle. That lies with me as Headmaster. Sybil, Mary, you may return to your quarters. You are expected at dinner in the Great Hall as my personal guests.”</p><p>Harry followed Mary into the castle, clinging to her arm, but instead of turning to go to her room, she headed towards Dumbledore’s office. A few minutes later, he met them outside. “Mary?”</p><p>Mary took a deep breath and said, “Thank you for sticking up for me out there, Headmaster, but I really think I’d be better off leaving the castle.”</p><p>“No!” Harry cried, holding even tighter to her, feeling like a small child again.</p><p>“Shush, Fawn.” She murmured to him, putting her hand on his cheek. “Dumbledore, I think I can do more good elsewhere.”</p><p>Dumbledore glanced at Harry before nodding. “If you think so, certainly you may leave.” </p><p>“Mary-...”</p><p>“Harry, you have to be brave right now, just like when Remus left. It breaks my heart to leave you here, but you know I can’t stay, not now. I will always just be an owl away, just like Sirius and Remus. You know that, don’t you?”</p><p>“I’ll miss you.”</p><p>“I know, Sweetheart. I’ll miss you all the more.” She pulled him into a tight hug. “Stay safe, Harry.”</p>
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<a name="section0063"><h2>63. chapter sixty-three.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry was standing in the centre of Dumbledore’s office, listening to the sounds of the teachers talking about him as though he wasn’t there. He was still streaming with sweat and behind his eyes he saw Arthur Weasley’s mangled body flashing again and again. He needed to get to him, needed to help him, but nobody seemed to be making a move to help Arthur. </p><p>Sirius and Remus swept into the room, their faces grey and drawn. Unlike everyone else who were all talking at Dumbledore or theorising amongst themselves, ignoring Harry, Sirius and Remus walked straight towards him. Sirius took his face in his hands and looked at him hard. “Tell me what’s going on.”</p><p>“No one is listening to me.” Harry snapped. “He’s going to die and they’re not going to get there in time because they don’t believe me.”</p><p>Sirius braced himself. “Alright then, tell me. I promise I’ll believe you.” Harry garbled off what he had told everyone else. All Sirius could do was nod and assure Harry that he believed every word of it. “Where are the other Weasleys?” Sirius asked the room.</p><p>“Still asleep. I’ll fetch them.” McGonnagal moved to the door. </p><p>“I think I should take them all home so they’re close to St. Mungos.”</p><p>Dumbledore nodded. “Good idea.”</p><p>When McGonagal returned a few minutes later, the Weasleys looked terrified. Ginny was the first to enter, her tired eyes wide and worried as she searched the room for him. When she spotted Harry, she ran to his side and buried her face in his neck. Harry’s eyes locked with Sirius’ as he held her tight and Sirius nodded once, letting him know he was on his side. </p><p>“I’ll take them now, Dumbledore. I assume you have nothing further to ask Harry?”</p><p>“Not at the present time. Minerva, will you please allow them the use of your fireplace?”</p><p>McGonagall nodded. “Of course.”</p><p>“What’s going on?” Demanded Fred.</p><p>“Your father has been gravely injured.” Dumbledore replied soberly. “We are arranging for his rescue and treatment presently, but I do think it best if you and your siblings be removed from the school for the holidays a little early. You will go with Mr Black and Mr Lupin to their home with Harry and I will send word to your mother to find you there. Goodnight to all of you. I must get on.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next day, after a sleepless night for all involved, Sirius found Ginny yawning alone at the kitchen table. Harry had finally fallen asleep on the sofa, the twins were up in one of the spare bedrooms and Ron was scribbling an anxious letter to Hermione to tell her where they had all disappeared to. Sirius cleared his throat as he entered the room, but Ginny jumped regardless. “Alright, Gingerbread?”</p><p>“I’ve been better.” She muttered in reply, making a beeline for the kettle and reaching for the tea bags.</p><p>“I’m sure…” He smiled sympathetically at her. He decided to avoid the subject of her father and his current condition and tried to distract her instead. “How’s school been going?”</p><p>“Not great, Sirius.” She rubbed her eyes and, after pouring herself a cup of tea, sank down opposite him at the kitchen table. “There’s been a lot of changes to Hogwarts recently.”</p><p>“I had heard some rumours.” Sirius smirked at her and prompted, “So, this Umbridge woman?”</p><p>“She’s a cow!” Ginny cried out suddenly, slamming her fists onto the kitchen table with a bang. .</p><p>“Woah, tell us what you really think, Gingerbread.” Chuckled Sirius, taking a sip of his coffee and raising his eyebrows at her outburst over the top of his mug. </p><p>Ginny didn’t take him on and continued in an agitated tone, clutching her cup so hard Sirius worried it might break.“First she rips up Harry’s hand, then she says we can’t stand too close to each other, then-...”</p><p>Sirius bolted up straight and cut her off. “What happened to Harry’s hand?” </p><p>Ginny put her hands to her mouth as though something had escaped. “Oh…”</p><p>“Ginny?”</p><p>“Ask him.” She pleaded. “But don’t tell him it was me that told you about it.”</p><p>“I’ll keep your secret, but please tell me what I have to expect.”</p><p>“It started straight away. She accused him of lying about Voldemort and the Ministry and all of it, and he got detention. Only when he came back from the detention he had the words she’d made him write lines of carved into his hand. She’s got some kind of weird, sadistic quill. He’s had to keep going back. He was worried that Umbridge would fire Mary, but of course that ended up happening anyway. It started to get kind of infected but Hermione knew a good spell to-...”</p><p>“Okay, okay. Thanks Ginny.”</p><p>“Sirius, I tried to tell him-...”</p><p>“I’m sure you did, Gingerbread. But something you might want to get used to is the fact that Harry always tries to protect the people he loves from stuff that might hurt them, especially if it means putting himself in the firing line. It’s infuriating, but it’s a side-effect of loving him like we do.”</p><p>She nodded sadly and stared into her cup of tea. She didn’t look up as Sirius left the room and went in search of Harry.</p>
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<a name="section0064"><h2>64. chapter sixty-four.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius was still furious over Umbridge’s treatment of his godson nearly a week later when he, Remus, Mary and Molly Weasley gathered in the living room of Headquarters to discuss Dumbledore’s plans for Harry over the upcoming term. Harry, too, was in attendance, his hand now properly bandaged, but he was staying quiet in his chair. </p><p>Remus sighed, knowing it would be difficult to convince Sirius of the sensible course of action when he was in such a foul mood. “Dumbledore said he has to learn so-…”</p><p>“I’m not saying he shouldn’t learn legilimency,” Snapped Sirius. “I’m just saying maybe he needs a different teacher…” Snape had been the suggestion put forth by Dumbledore, but Sirius didn’t trust him enough to be in such close proximity to James’ son unsupervised. Attending Order meetings and teaching in a room full of other students was one thing, but locked in Snape’s office several evenings a week was quite another.</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>Mary smirked as Sirius’ plan dawned on her. “Oh please, Remus, it hasn’t been that long since we were all together the last time.”</p><p>Remus’ eyes widened. “You don’t mean…”</p><p>“Uh huh.” Sirius nodded, catching Mary’s grin and displaying it on his own face.</p><p>“Em? Really?” </p><p>“Who’s Em?” Harry asked. </p><p>“Emmeline Vance.” Remus elaborated.  She served with us the last time. She’s a legilimens-…”</p><p>“And she’s batshit crazy.” Chuckled Sirius. </p><p>Mary rolled her eyes. “Don’t exaggerate, Padfoot.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, but she is.” Sirius insisted. “It’s not her fault. She was tortured several times,” He turned back to Harry. “And it’s riddled her brain.”</p><p>“She’s still good at what she does. Very good, in fact.”</p><p>“Emmeline was always a sweet girl.” Molly chimed in. “Good with the kids. I haven’t seen her in a long time though.”</p><p>“No one has. She went the same way as Moody and became pretty reclusive.” Explained Mary. “McGonnagal hears from her occasionally, but mostly her letters are full of the people she imagines are spying on her. Her legilimency is still up to scratch though, I’m sure.”</p><p>“That settles it then.” Sirius said finally. </p><p>“Does it?” Harry squeaked, unsure that learning from an insane woman was the best way to go about his new lessons.</p><p>“Em’s laid down her life for a Potter many times in the past, Harry.” Said Remus, gently. “I’m sure she’ll be more than happy to help you now. I’ll make the suggestion to Dumbledore in the morning.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>They spent Christmas at Harry’s house, though they’d all begun referring to it as Headquarters now, with the members of the Order that had nowhere else to go. In attendance were the Weasleys, with the exception of Charlie and Percy, Mary, Tonks and her parents, Hermione, Neville and his grandmother, and the Lovegoods.</p><p>The morning did not begin well. When the post arrived, with owls laden down with gifts and cards for the people staying at the house, a squashy package with ‘Return to Sender’ stamped on its front was the first to land on the living room floor.  Molly let out a low moan and folded herself over the parcel, tears dripping onto the wrapping. Her children flocked to her, worried, but she only let Arthur hold her, rocking her gently. “It’s alright, Molly.” He whispered. “He’ll come around.”</p><p>“It’s Christmas,” She sobbed. “If he was going to come around, he would have done it today. He doesn’t love us anymore, Arthur. Our baby doesn’t love us.” </p><p>Fred and George scowled and removed the jumper, throwing it in the kitchen bin with relish. They mourned their mother’s handiwork but were more than happy to rid the day of any reminder of Percy, who had returned the handmade jumper he received every year as a clear message of where his allegiances lay. The twins set about ensuring everyone else proudly wore their jumpers, and made it their Christmas Day duty to distract and entertain their mother, who smiled and laughed along, but was still caught weeping several times throughout the day when she thought she was alone. </p><p>Late in the afternoon, Ginny and Harry also thought they had found a moment alone in the upstairs corridor. Ginny gripped onto the hem of Harry’s navy-coloured jumper as his arms wrapped around her shoulders. Her face tilted upwards to meet his lips as they stumbled back against the hallway wall, knocking against the bookshelf. “Oi!” Sirius hissed, making them jump, appearing from his bedroom. “If you have to do that go hide somewhere or at least wear the cloak. Your parents will go mad if they catch you, Gingerbread.”</p><p>“Unlikely.” She giggled, still holding onto a blushing Harry. “They like him more than they like me!”</p><p>“That was before he started locking lips with their youngest child and their only girl. And go see if Mary has some makeup to cover that thing on the side of your neck. Dinner’s going to be weird enough without everyone gawping at your hickey!” Ginny giggled but did as she was told, scampering down the stairs in search of Mary. Harry turned even redder as he turned to face Sirius. “It’s alright,” His godfather raised his hands in mock surrender. “We don’t have to talk about it. Thought you might like to come and see the bike.”</p><p>“Oh yeah! Cool!” Together they left the house and tramped across the frosty grass towards the shed, inside of which they found Sirius’ old flying motorbike under a greasy bedsheet. He had hidden it here just before Harry’s parents had been killed, intending to come back for it a few days later. Something had gone wrong with the engine and he hadn’t had time to tend to it then. Of course, things had changed rather drastically then and the bike was more or less forgotten. “Have you ever thought about fixing it up?” Harry asked, leaning in the examine the old paintwork.</p><p>“Not really, I didn’t see the point.” Sirius shrugged. “It was all the way out here for one thing, and for the other it doesn’t have a child seat.”</p><p>“Very funny. You could do it now. Doesn’t sound like you’ve been spending much time at home since the Order started back up anyway. It could be an excuse to get away from it all.”</p><p>Sirius considered this for a moment and then smiled. “You’re not wrong. We could do it together if you want.” He added, somewhat tentatively.</p><p>To Sirius’ relief, Harry seemed genuinely excited at the prospect. “Really?”</p><p>“Sure, why not? Gives me an excuse to force you to hang out with me.”</p><p>“I like hanging out with you.” Harry mumbled. </p><p>“Besides, you’ll have a flying motorbike as the end result. And I have to tell you from personal experience, there is literally nothing cooler, and not just because chicks dig it.”</p><p>“Did Marlene like it?”</p><p>“Like it? She’s the one that convinced me to buy it.” Laughed Sirius. “Then she threatened to dump me if I didn’t let her ride it by herself. She almost killed herself on it, never knew how to slow down…” Sirius’ smile became slightly sad and Harry rushed to apologise. </p><p>“Sorry I didn’t mean to-…”</p><p>“Don’t apologise, mate. Nobody should ever be sorry for talking about her, for remembering her. It’s me that should be sorry. You deserve to know about her as much as you deserve to know about your parents, because they deserve to be remembered.” </p><p>“She sounds really cool.” </p><p>“The coolest. When we were at school together, she was always the first of the girls to want to join in on adventures. She was always getting your Mum and Mary to sneak down to the kitchens with her. She had all the ghosts wrapped around her little finger. Even grumpy old Filch liked her. She was a force to be reckoned with, but she could be unbelievably gentle too. She was so excited when Lily told us all that you were to be expected, she tried to learn knitting to make baby clothes and suggested really terrible names for you. But there was so much love in it.”</p><p>“I feel it. I feel the love, from all of them.”</p><p>Sirius smiled sadly and kissed the top of Harry’s head. “Come on then, we’d better head back inside.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>That night, Harry and Ginny fell asleep on one sofa, wrapped up together without self-consciousness. Even her parents smiled fondly as they passed them on their way up to bed. Remus’ eyes drifted drowsily over them as he too rose to leave the room and he bit down on his bottom lip to stop the lump in his throat as he saw the way Harry’s hand lifted to Ginny’s jaw, cupping it gently in his sleep and moving his chin to rest on the top of her head. He had seen James do it to Lily so many times.</p><p>Ron and Hermione had drifted off on opposite sides of the other sofa. Hermione’s hands were curled under her chin as she slept on her side, and Ron was splayed out, all limbs and oversized clothes. He turned a little and leant his arm on her feet, holding them loosely as a sleeping child would a teddy bear. </p><p>Remus sat in the armchair opposite them all, thinking to himself with a sad smile. “Aren’t you going up to bed?” Tonks asked him in a whisper, making him jump. He hadn’t realised she had walked into the room.</p><p>“In a bit.” He replied. “I’ll read for a little longer.”</p><p>“They look so peaceful, don’t they?” She said, nodding at the two sofas.</p><p>“Yeah… They do.” Tonks looked meaningfully at him. He shook his head. “We can’t.”</p><p>“I know.” She nodded, but she looked so sad that Remus couldn’t stop himself from pressing a hand to her cheek. “Remus, it doesn’t matter to me what you are.” She added in a rushed and urgent whisper.</p><p>He screwed his eyes shut and shook his head. “It matters to me.”</p><p>“How can you ignore what we have?” She hissed, kneeling down so that their eyes were level. </p><p>“I can’t… that’s the problem. I’m already in too deep. I’m going to end up hurting you if I’m not careful.”</p><p>“You can only hurt me by refusing to be with me when we both know it’s what we want.” </p><p>Hermione stirred on one of the sofas, almost kicking a still-slumbering Ron in the face as she wriggled into a more comfortable position. Remus began speaking again, his voice lower and calmer now. “You are still so young, Dora. You could find someone else, live a long and happy life-...”</p><p>“But I wouldn’t.” Tears pricked her eyes. “I would still want you. I’m young, so I have more time to spend loving you.”</p><p>“Dora, please…”</p><p>“Or, more realistically, I’m going to die sooner rather than later because we’re heading into a war. I want to live my life properly while I have the chance. We’re soldiers, Remus, we’re on the frontlines. I want to be able to love you as-...”</p><p>“Please, stop saying that word.”</p><p>“What? Love? Isn’t it love for you?”</p><p>He grimaced. “Of course it is, but I don’t want it to be for you.”</p><p>“Well that’s not your choice.” Tonks said finally, standing up and stalking out of the room, leaving Remus alone with his thoughts and the tender sounds of snoring.</p>
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<a name="section0065"><h2>65. chapter sixty-five.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day, Sirius knocked on the door of a small London flat and waited patiently for the door to be opened. When it did, he found a bedraggled Percy Weasley, clearly not long woken up, standing in his pyjamas. “Sirius, what are you doing here?”</p><p>Sirius smirked as though the answer were obvious. “I’m taking you home.”</p><p>Percy screwed up his face. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not going anywhere.”</p><p>“Yes you are.” </p><p>“No I’m-…” Percy tried to close the door, but Sirius slammed his hand against it, keeping it open.</p><p>“Percy Weasley, I am not in the mood to have a debate or even a discussion. You have broken your mother’s heart and she is one of my best friends. I owe her my life. So you are going to come with me whether you like it or not and you are going to apologise to her. Do not make me drag you. But I will if I have to.”</p><p>Percy shook his head. “I can’t go back. I can’t get involved with them-…”</p><p>“Oh for god’s sake Percy, you don’t have to join the Order or do anything remotely related to Dumbledore or Voldemort or anything.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “You just have to see your family and be civil. That’s all they want. They don’t want a soldier, they want their son and their sibling back. It’s fucking Christmas!”</p><p>“If somebody sees me with them-…”</p><p>“How dare you.” Sirius growled, taking a step towards him. “How dare you even pretend to be ashamed of them.”</p><p>Percy steeled himself. “Look Sirius, I declared my loyalty to the Ministry and I made sure everybody knew that I had cut all ties with my family. I can’t just go back on my word.”</p><p>“It’s too late for that. Your family and to an extent mine have always promised to love and protect one another. We’ve always been there for one another. You just need to look at your siblings to see that.” He lowered his voice. “When Ginny was lost in the Chamber, Bill and Charlie were the first ones at the castle after your parents despite being thousands of miles away. When Ron and Harry almost drowned in the Second Task, Fred and George sat by their bedsides cracking jokes until they felt better. When Charlie fell off his broom and hurt himself so badly he couldn't get out of bed for two weeks, Ron brought him all of his own toys and books to keep him occupied and then sat with him all day and into the night to keep him company. When you were worried about your exams, they all helped you, even in ways you didn't realise. When you were sick they nursed you, when you were sad they cheered you up, when you were being a prick they reminded you of who you fucking are because they care about you. So do not talk to me about loyalty, Percy Weasley. You’ve already betrayed the most important people in our lives. But they’ll forgive you in a second because their loyalty to you has never wavered even as you’ve hurt them so badly.”</p><p>“I have to put my career first.” Percy whispered, but Sirius could see that he was wavering. Percy Weasley was not a bad person, he was a weak one. </p><p>“No.” Sirius said firmly. “From now on you put your family first, even more so than you ever did. They want you to be successful, they won’t stop you from doing your job. But you’re going to start prioritising them. Because that’s what families do. Now, get your things, we leave in five minutes.”</p><p>Percy stood rooted to the spot for a few seconds, but seemed to fold in on himself and, in only three minutes, was ready to leave. They disapparated and landed on the gravel driveway outside of Headquarters only seconds later. Sirius didn’t hesitate, striding forward and immediately letting himself inside of the grand house. Percy hovered awkwardly on the doorstep, peering into the light hallway and listening to the sounds of the morning. He moved into the house and shut the front door behind him.</p><p>The people that had stayed for Christmas all seemed to have woken at vastly different times, but were all awake now, regardless of how begrudgingly they had become so. Hermione, Ginny, Remus, Neville and his grandmother, Luna, Charlie and Bill had all clearly been awake for some time. Percy could see them through the gap in the kitchen doorway, and noted that they were all fully-dressed and chatting animatedly. The others were still in their pyjamas, their hair sticking up at odd angles and each reaching desperately for mugs of tea and coffee.  </p><p>Percy took a few anxious steps towards the kitchen, trying to stay quiet so as just to watch his family as they lived their lives, unaware that they were being watched by someone that, though he had abandoned them when they needed him most, loved them very much. Sirius did not allow much further silent watching. After putting his coat away, he barged into the kitchen, letting the door bang all the way open. Everyone inside turned to look at him and, in turn, spotted Percy loitering in the hallway. </p><p>“Percy?” Ginny’s jaw dropped and the piece of toast she’d been chewing on fell into her lap. Harry, still wiping sleep from his eyes, screwed up his face in disgust, though whether that was at Ginny’s half-eaten breakfast or at Percy’s arrival, was unclear. </p><p>“Right, listen up.” Sirius announced. “Percy’s back and that’s a good thing. He knows he’s been a prat but I don’t want to hear any of you telling me as such, got it? That means you.” He narrowed his eyes at Fred and George.</p><p>They nodded, but their eyes widened as their parents appeared behind Percy, both staring at the scene unfolding before them. Mr Weasley looked rather put out, having been stonily ignored by his son for weeks, while Mrs Weasley’s eyes filled with tears at the sight of Percy. </p><p>“Hi Mum.” Percy whispered, and his voice cracked. Molly ran forward and threw her arms around Percy, and they both cried as they held each other. </p><p>“Oh darling, you’ve come home. You’re too thin, of course. Sit down and I’ll get you some eggs.” Mary and Remus slid apart to allow room for Percy to sit between them, meaning that Tonks nearly fell off the end of the long bench that had been set up in the kitchen for the festive period. Luckily, Sirius was wandering behind her and caught her with one hand, pushing her almost in Remus’ lap on her other side. Both blushed before busying themselves with passing plates of breakfast foods down the table. </p><p>After the excitement had settled and Fred and George had stopped scowling, Mad-Eye Moody arrived and, with only a cursory glance in Percy’s direction, got straight onto business while the rest of them kept eating and slurping their drinks. “Right, all those that are underage, you’re on clean-up duty this morning. Headquarters looks like a bomb filled with wrapping paper and mince pie crumbs has hit it and I need it spotless by lunchtime. There’s a lot of you so it shouldn’t take long. The rest of you, continue with your tasks from before the break, and then we’ll start the meeting at one. You all know who is expected and who isn’t so if you’re not coming stay quiet and don’t bother trying to eavesdrop.”</p><p>“Yes, Captain!” Sirius and Fred saluted Moody at the same time, causing the rest of the table to stifle a round of giggles while Moody frowned at them. </p><p>“May I come?" Percy asked quietly, though the sound of it still stunned the rest of the group into silence. </p><p>Harry’s eyebrows furrowed. “Come where?” Sirius watched him warily, willing him not to be too rude to Percy when Molly had only just got him back.</p><p>“To the meeting.”</p><p>Tonks shifted awkwardly in his seat. “It’s Order members only...” </p><p>“Sorry, dear.” Molly said. “But she’s right.”</p><p>“I won’t tell anyone I-…” Percy rushed and then looked down at his plate. “I think I’d like to join, actually.”</p><p>“What?” George exclaimed. “Why? I thought it stood for everything you don’t believe in as Fudge’s little-…”</p><p>“Let your brother finish, George.” Sirius snapped. </p><p>Percy took a deep breath and then admitted, “I don’t like the idea of you all fighting without me there. I want to be there in case-… I think you could use another wand in combat. And we are a family, after all. We’re supposed to stand together.”</p><p>Charlie grinned. “Percy’s right. That’s been the message from the start, hasn’t it? We stand together, we fight together and, if need be, we die together. And all of that comes from the fact that we love each other.”</p><p>“Here, here.” Mary chimed in croakily, lifting her coffee in a toast. Her silver rings clinked against the porcelain and when she put it back on the table, they chimed like bells as she dragged her fingers through her bedraggled hair. She looked tired, more tired than Harry had seen her since she’d first come to live with them when he was a little boy. The Order was taking its toll on her, but Harry knew there was no point in mentioning that she might like to take it easy; it wasn’t in her nature. </p><p>“Then it seems a vote is in order.” Sirius smirked. “Moody? Any objections.”</p><p>Moody rolled his human eye and folded his arms over his chest. “Just get it done quickly. All those in favour of Percy Weasley joining the Order of the Phoenix and making the oaths required of him in doing so?” One by one, every hand at the table was raised, even Harry, Ron, Fred and George’s, though they were the last to give in, still not willing to completely forgive Percy for his treachery. Moody conjured a small, dry smile and nodded at Percy. “Welcome to the war.”</p>
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<a name="section0066"><h2>66. chapter sixty-six.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Upon returning to Hogwarts, Harry learned that Dumbledore had agreed with Sirius’ suggestion that Emmeline Vance ought to be his teacher, and that their lessons would begin that Friday night in Professor Dumbledore’s office. Dumbledore himself would not be in attendance. Harry wasn’t sure if this was because he didn’t want to distract Harry from his lessons, or if he simply wanted to avoid Harry altogether. It wouldn’t have surprised Harry, after Dumbledore’s distant manner during the previous term if it was a case of the latter.</p><p>After hearing descriptions of her oddness, Harry had expected her to look like Professor Trelawney, or perhaps have the edgy but more feminine paranoia of Moody, but Emmeline Vance was completely different to what he had envisioned.</p><p>She was still young, of course she was, he thought, she was only the same age as Mary, and with her cropped hair, he couldn’t help wondering if she looked like his mother would have. She was slightly prim, and was very polite, but even Harry could sense the steel inside of her. This was a woman who had been to hell and back, and wasn’t afraid to re-enter the fray.</p><p>Upon entering Dumbledore’s office and staring at her for a few moments, Harry said hello, shyness suddenly flowing through him, as it often did when he met someone who knew far more about him than he did them. Emmeline lifted her gaze, her bright blue eyes flashing at him. Harry waited for her to comment on how like his father he was, or perhaps how his mother had passed down her eyes to him, but Emmeline said neither of these things. “Have you ever attempted legilimency before, Harry?”</p><p>He began to shake his head. “No. I didn’t even know what it was until-...”</p><p>“Then we don’t have any time to waste, do we? Let’s begin.” Thus began the strangest hour Harry had ever spent, enduring a near-total stranger entering his thoughts whilst he tried, and failed to rebut her. Finally, when Harry fell back into his chair, panting with exhaustion, Emmeline moved towards the satchel she had brought with her and snapped it shut. “I will meet you here again on Monday evening, same time, if you don’t mind. The evenings are well-suited to my routine.”</p><p>“Um… Sure.” Harry moved to leave, still trying to catch his breath, but stopped when he heard her voice again.</p><p>This time, her voice was less official, a little softer. She sounded younger, somehow. “Harry? How is your godfather?”</p><p>Harry turned with a surprised grin. “He’s well. Very well. Remus and Mary are too.”</p><p>Emmeline released a small smile and nodded. “I’m glad to hear it. Goodnight, Harry.”</p><p>“Goodnight.”</p><p>Harry returned to the Common Room, his head spinning with the discomfort of having his mind entered over and over again, and with the genuine interest he had seen sparkling in Emmeline’s eyes when he mentioned her old friends. He couldn’t help wondering why she kept herself hidden away from them and if she would consider rejoining the Order. She was already helping Dumbledore in this way, surely it wouldn’t be difficult to persuade her a little further. He knew that Mary longed to see her old friend. She had already lost the other three girls they had been closest to in school; Marlene, Dorcas Meadowes and, of course, Lily.</p><p>With his mind full of these wonderings, he nearly walked straight past his friends as they sat in the centre of the Common Room together. Ginny called out to him, a grin playing on her lips, and he blushed and headed back in their direction. She, along with Neville, Hermione and Ron were sitting with their books spread out between them, but it didn’t appear that much actual studying was being done. They were gossipping about who was dating who after the Christmas holidays, whose friendships had broken down and how they were planning to get through their exams. Harry tried to join in with the same lightness that they did, but he knew it was half-hearted. After a few minutes, despite how nice it felt to be curled by the fire with Ginny leaning against him, he claimed to have a headache, which was not untrue, and headed to bed. Before he stood up, Ginny pressed a kiss to his temple, an attempt to make him feel better.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Harry pushed back and suddenly felt as though he had been flung backwards very hard. When he opened his eyes, he did not see Emmeline Vance; he saw his father.</p><p>“Shove off, Padfoot!” James pushed his friend, but there was a good-natured smirk lingering on his lips.</p><p>“You like Lily Evans!" Sirius cried out, his face somehow amused and aghast at the same time. "I can’t believe you thought I wouldn’t find out.”</p><p>“So? Mary said she caught you and Marlene kissing in the broomshed last week and you didn’t tell me about that.”</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes. “Prongs, you walked in on us doing it, but you were too busy grabbing a broom and telling Marls to get her uniform on for training to notice.”</p><p>“I-... Oh…”</p><p>“Shut up both of you!” A voice sounded from behind Harry, and he soon realised it belonged to Emmeline, but he could not see her since it was her memory that he was experiencing. “Some of us are trying to pass our exams!”</p><p>“Em, you’d pass with your eyes closed, you know you would!” James rolled his eyes.</p><p>“I don’t know why you’re bothering anyway,” Sirius chimed in, moving away from James, their fight already forgotten, and flopping down on the sofa where Harry saw a younger Remus, the same scars on his pale face, lying reading a book. Half-sitting on Remus’ legs, Sirius said continued, “We’ll all be dead by the end of the summer if the papers are to be believed.”</p><p>“Who’s going to be dead by the end of the summer?” A voice Harry recognised instantly for its warmth and excitement sounded from the Gryffindor portrait-hole and Harry turned to see Mary, followed by a blonde girl he recognised as Marlene McKinnon, and Harry’s own mother, Lily.</p><p>“Sirius, apparently.” Came Emmeline’s dry reply, though she closed her book, clearly realising she would get no further study done while the Marauders were around.</p><p>“Pfft, the Pure-Blooded Prince?” Mary cackled. “Not bloody likely!”</p><p>“You’ll outlive the lot of us, Sirius.” Added Dorcas.</p><p>“I think I could give him a run for his money…” Smirked Marlene, sliding into Sirius’ lap and kissing his cheek tenderly, further crushing Remus’ legs in the process.</p><p>“Ouch!” He grumbled, but Harry could see that he was smiling. “This conversation is depressing me. I’m going to the Astronomy Tower to finish this.” He waved his book about and then looked to James. “Lend me the cloak?” James took some silvery and soft from his pocket and threw it at Remus.</p><p>“Okay if I tag along?” Asked Mary. “I’ve only got a few pages left of mine too.”</p><p>Remus nodded and the two were headed for the door when Sirius called out again, suddenly solemn. Marlene and nestled herself beside him, while Lily, Harry was pleased to see, had naturally gravitated towards James and the latter had wrapped his arms tight around her shoulders as they listened to what his best friend had to say. “I’m not joking, not really. Look, we all read the papers, we all know what’s coming. And I know we’ve all heard about these underground groups that are going to fight against it. I know it will be dangerous, but-... I’ve decided to join up when I finish school and I think you all should too.”</p><p>“What are you on about?” Remus asked, his face cloaked in anxiety suddenly.</p><p>“I want to fight. I want to protect the people I love.”</p><p>“You’ll be killed, Padfoot.” A small boy, Harry hadn’t yet noticed piped up. Harry’s stomach flipped as he recognised the face of Peter Pettigrew.</p><p>“Even if I am, surely it’s better to die fighting for something good?” Insisted Sirius.</p><p>“Well if you’re going, so am I.” James announced and, without missing a beat, Lily added, “Me too.”</p><p>Marlene sighed. “Well if everyone else is going, guess I’m in too.”</p><p>“I haven’t got any other plans.” Shrugged Dorcas with a mischievous grin.</p><p>“Em? Mary? Moony?” Sirius prompted.</p><p>“Surely by now it’s a given that we all stay together.” Harry heard Emmeline say and there was a tenderness in her voice that Harry had never heard before. Suddenly, the scene faded as quickly as it had appeared and Harry was facing the older Emmeline Vance once again. He had expected her to be angry, or perhaps embarrassed, that he had seen into her mind, her memories. But she simply arched an eyebrow at him. “See anything useful?”</p><p>“Not useful but-...”</p><p>“Then you made a wasted effort. You must always be looking for something to use to your advantage when you delve into the mind of another, especially an opponent. We’ll try again next Friday.”</p><p>“What could I have used there? It was just you and your friends talking, making plans-...”</p><p>“Making foolish plans.” She snapped. “And not listening to what was actually being said. Your godfather announces that we’d all be dead by the end of the summer. Not strictly true, but we had certainly lost one member. Dorcas Meadowes was murdered personally by Voldemort, I’m sure you know that. She and several other members of the Order were killed before September arrived. After that, of that group, we lost Marlene to the next realm, Peter to the other side, and your parents to his treachery. Mary was forgotten-...”</p><p>“Not by Remus.”</p><p>“-... Remus lived in his grief, Sirius survived but only for you, and I went into hiding. What I am telling you, Harry, is there is time to avoid all of this for your own fate. You and your friends have already begun to participate in a war that has not even arrived yet. You may have no choice in the matter, but they do. Face it alone and save them.”</p><p>“I don’t want anyone to die for me, but there’s no way I’ll make it out alive without them.”</p><p>“Then it’s time you started thinking about what you believe the outcome of this war will be. Because one thing is for certain, Harry Potter; there is always a winner and there is always a loser. There are the people that survive, and the people that don’t. Choose your side… We will try again next week, Harry.”</p>
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<a name="section0067"><h2>67. chapter sixty-seven.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Emmeline’s words tortured Harry all week, but he never made it to their next lesson. He never had the chance to ask her what she thought he ought to do.</p><p>The Dumbledore’s Army meetings had resumed as soon as its members had returned to school after the Christmas holidays. Without Mary to help with his instruction, Harry had come into his own as a teacher. He took immense pleasure in seeing each of his friends and, now, students put into practice what he had explained to them, and to watch the joy on their faces when they realised they were just as capable as anyone at performing complicated magic. Harry was bent over Luna’s shoulder, trying to straighten her arm so that her counter-course would bounce perfectly off the curse Hermione was supposed to aim at her, when he heard a loud bang. He stopped, straightened, and moved away from Luna, his brow furrowed.</p><p>Ron mumbled, “That sounded like-...”</p><p>BANG!</p><p>“Get down!” Harry cried, grabbing for Luna and Ginny, pulling them with him to the floor.</p><p>BANG! BANG! BANG!</p><p>A huge hole appeared in the brick wall, replacing the door that did not exist. Through the dust, Harry saw the smug faces of Malfoy, Filch and Umbridge. “Found you…” Malfoy taunted as Filch ordered them to file out.</p><p>They were marched up to Umbridge’s office. Harry was forced into a chair, while the others were told to stand around the desk, each paired with a Slytherin, who looked all-too-proud of themselves for capturing the DA.</p><p>Harry opened his mouth to defend the others, to try and tell Umbridge that he was the only one to blame, but suddenly she disappeared from his vision and he was somewhere else entirely.</p><p>Sirius was locked in a dark room. He was being tortured. He was screaming out, he was in agony. He mumbled Harry’s name. He begged. He pleaded. Voldemort laughed. Voldemort lifted his wand. Sirius screeched again. </p><p>Harry blinked, he wasn’t sure how long he had been lost in the vision, but now Umbridge was leering over him. “Listen to me, boy.” She shouted. “Listen to me.”</p><p>As her palm made contact with Harry’s cheek, skewing his glasses on his nose, the smirk fell away from Draco’s lips and he went a little grey. It was as though, up until that point, he had thought they were all playing a rather marvellous game, but now it was real and he wasn’t quite as sure that he wanted to be a part of it anymore. Ginny screeched and rushed forward, but the Slytherin holding her didn’t let go and pulled her back sharply, making her cry out in pain. At the same time, Ron and Harry both yelled at her to stay still, their eyes meeting across the room in an understanding. They had always promised to look after one another, and so they would, but they had to keep the other people that they loved safe first.</p><p>“Can I offer you a sweet, Professor?” Ron said suddenly, reaching into his robes and pulling out an unmarked package of the confections Fred and George had been working on all year.</p><p>“A sweet?" She grimaced. "No, Weasley.”</p><p>“Anyone else?” Before Umbridge could stop him, Ron had handed sweets to all of the Slytherin students. Then everything happened at once. The room erupted in a scene of stench, screaming and confusion. Ron grabbed hold of Luna, who reached for Neville, who in turn caught hold of Hermione’s robes. Ginny ran to Harry, using her wand to conjure his from Umbridge’s hand. The woman screeched and tried to grab at them, but the room was suddenly plunged into a darkness blacker than Harry had ever seen before. He felt someone tug on his robes urgently and, ensuring his fingers were still entwined with Ginny’s, he let the hand guide him out into the corridor.</p><p>The six of them sprinted down the hallway and Harry yelled for them to head towards the Forbidden Forest. “Ron, what was that stuff?” Hermione demanded. “How did you make it go so dark?”</p><p>“Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder.” He called out in response. “A new product Fred and George have been testing out, they gave me some over Christmas and I thought there was no better time to give it a whirl. I think we can give them positive reviews.”</p><p>“It was very… clever!” Hermione told him and Ron beamed in response, but by now they were running across the grounds and were getting quite out of breath.</p><p>When they reached the forest, Harry led them to the paddock where he knew Hagrid kept the thestrals, knowing that it was far enough into the woods that nobody would overhear them and it was unlikely anyone would come looking for them there. “Harry, what did you see?” Luna asked him softly, her large blue eyes scanning his face.</p><p>“How did-...”</p><p>“Your eyes went all blank like you weren’t there anymore and you weren’t responding to Umbridge.” She explained, her forehead wrinkling slightly with concern.</p><p>“It’s Sirius.” Harry managed to choke out. “Voldemort has him. He’s torturing him.”</p><p>“Where?” Asked Ron.</p><p>“The Ministry. I have to go and help him. Voldemort wants me, not Sirius. I won’t let him die for me.”</p><p>“But… Harry, what if this is a trap?” Hermione suggested. “Shouldn’t we check that Sirius definitely isn’t-...”</p><p>“Hermione, I haven’t got time for that. I have to go, now.”</p><p>“Then we’ll go with you.” She promised him solemnly. Harry opened his mouth to argue, but soon realised that there was no point. He nodded curtly.</p><p>“Just me and Hermione.” Ron added. “Neville, you need to look after Ginny and Luna. Get them back to the castle safely and find Dumbledore as soon as you can. If not him, then McGonagall can-...”</p><p>“Stuff that!” Ginny exploded. “I’m coming with you.”</p><p>Ron rolled his eyes. “Ginny, go back to the castle.”</p><p>“No, Ronald.” His sister replied firmly, reminding Harry eerily or Mrs Weasley.</p><p>Ron tried again, his voice more pleading now, no doubt thinking about what his parents and brothers would do to him if they found out he had allowed Ginny to risk her life in such a way. “Ginny-...”</p><p>“I said no. If you’re all risking your necks then I am too. We’re a team.”</p><p>“Me too.” Luna and Neville said at the same time.</p><p>“How are we all supposed to get there?” Asked Hermione sensibly. “We only have two brooms.” She eyed the two that she had managed to summon while they were running. They didn’t belong to any of them, they were just ordinary school brooms, but they would probably do the job.</p><p>Luna’s face brightened. “We could ride the thestrals.”</p><p>“The what?” Ron gawped at her.</p><p>“The thestrals. Harry and I can see them, we can guide you. It shouldn’t be too difficult.”</p><p>“How many are there?” Hermione asked warily, looking towards what, to her, was an empty paddock.</p><p>“Three.” Harry said without hesitation.</p><p>“Won’t we need-...”</p><p>“Don’t be silly. We don’t need more than this.” Ginny said firmly, striding forward and putting a hand out to feel for the thestral. Luna helped her and guided her towards the horse-like creature. With her mouth set in a determined line, Ginny lifted herself up unsteadily onto the thestral and Harry rushed forward to help balance her. “There. Now, get on.”</p><p>Harry stared at her in disbelief before managing to ask, “Don’t you think I should go in front?”</p><p>“Why? You don’t know where you’re going anymore than I do.” Ginny fired back.</p><p>“Yes, but at least I can see what we’re riding.”</p><p>Ginny rolled her eyes and shimmied a little further down the back of the creature. “Fine then, climb on and don’t shove me off the back end while you do it. Everyone else, pick a thestral. We’re leaving.”</p>
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<a name="section0068"><h2>68. chapter sixty-eight.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius was sitting alone in his study at home when the call came.</p><p>Remus and Mary flew up the stairs, Tonks at their heels, and barged in without knocking. Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but the looks on their faces silenced him instantly. “Dumbledore’s just sent word. We’re needed at the Ministry.”</p><p>“Right.” Sirius said, striding to pull on his nearest cloak and check his wand was secure in its pocket. He had been waiting for this, knowing it wouldn’t be long before he was called back into action, and yet the familiar squelch of dread and fear lodged in his stomach and he felt quite ill at the prospect.</p><p>“Padfoot-...”</p><p>Sirius was already at the door. “What?”</p><p>“It’s Harry.” Remus told him, his face pale white with fear. “He’s gone to face Voldemort. Dumbledore thinks he was tricked but-... He’s there with the other kids.”</p><p>Sirius paused for only a moment before saying, “We have to protect them, Remus. All of them. No matter what happens from here on out, they are our first priority, okay?”</p><p>“It’s always been that way.” Remus mustered a weak smile and the four of them ran back down the stairs and into the night air, preparing to disapparate to join the rest of the Order.</p><p>By the time they arrived at the Ministry, they could already hear the sounds of battle ringing out. They ran to the room Dumbledore had told Moody they would be in and, one by one, they entered and sought out the kids amidst a rain of spells.</p><p>Sirius searched for Harry, while Tonks made a beeline for Ginny, Luna and Neville. Mary caught hold of Ron, while Remus beckoned Hermione to him. The rest of the Order got stuck into the battle, firing spells at every Death Eater they could see.</p><p>Harry turned, terrified that the person creeping up behind him would be the one to finish him off, but he almost melted into the floor when he saw it was his godfather. He grabbed at Sirius, holding him as tight as he could. Sirius blocked him from the fray, holding his wand up, but trying to hug Harry back as much as he could.</p><p>“I thought I was going to lose you.” Harry sobbed.</p><p>“Never.” Sirius smirked in reply. As he did so, a spell hit the wall behind them and a chuck of rock landed nearby. “Come on.” Sirius said, suddenly solemn again. “We need to get you to the others and then out of here.”</p><p>Half-covering Harry with his body, Sirius began to stride across the make-shift battlefield, firing spells when he could. Harry looked around and was horrified to see the sneering face of Bellatrix Lestrange staring right at them. Bellatrix lifted her wand and aimed it at Sirius. Harry’s godfather wasn’t looking, and Harry’s stomach twisted and jolted sickeningly as he opened his mouth to scream at him. As Bellatrix lifted her arm, her wand went spiralling out of her hand and Harry turned to see Mary pointing her wand at Bellatrix. Mary winked at Harry and then took off at a run, as a fresh hail of spells came flying at her. Sirius turned and saw what had happened. His face warped into a scowl as he came face to face with his cousin.</p><p>“Harry, run.” Sirius cried, giving him a little push in Mary’s direction. Hearing his instruction, Mary doubled back for Harry and, grabbing him by the wrist, half-dragged him towards Remus. He reached for them, but as he did another rock fell to the floor and blocked their path.</p><p>“Come on, Fawn.” Mary said, turning back again, hoping to go around Sirius and Bellatrix to get back to the other side. Harry looked around and saw Remus methodically breaking apart the boulder with his wand, so that he could get to them.</p><p>Harry turned back just as Bellatrix arched her wand arm and threw a final spell. “AVADA KEDAVRA!”</p><p>“SIRIUS!” Mary screeched but it was too late, the spell had hit.</p><p>Sirius Black was dead.</p><p>Harry faltered. Sirius’ body lay crumpled on the ground. He wasn’t moving. His eyes stared at nothing. But that couldn’t be right. Sirius couldn’t be dead. Not really. He had to be pretending. He was going to trick the Death Eaters. Any second now he was going to stand up and resume the fight. He was going to wink at Harry. He was going to smile at him. He was going to wrap his warm arms around him and take him home. He was going to make all of this go away.</p><p>Any second now.</p><p>“Sirius?” Harry mumbled, staggering forward a few steps.</p><p>“Harry.” Remus said warningly, though he too could not tear his eyes away from Sirius’ body.</p><p>“Sirius?” Harry said again, getting closer. Still his godfather did not move.</p><p>Any second.</p><p>The fight raged on behind him. Flashes of green light bounced off of every wall but Harry could not see them anymore. “Sirius?” He said, a little louder this time. “You don’t have to. They’re not watching. You can get up now.”</p><p>“Harry, don’t.” Remus strode up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. “He’s gone, we have to run. There’s no time.”</p><p>Harry shook him off sharply. “Sirius? Sirius, come on. Get up.” He fell to his knees beside his godfather and took hold of his robes. He gave a sharp pull and then let go. Sirius slumped back to the floor. “Sirius. Stop it.” He clung tighter to the robes and shook even harder. “SIRIUS. STOP IT.” The tears had started now and they gushed hot and wet down Harry’s cheeks, stinging the cuts he had sustained.</p><p>Remus lowered himself beside Harry. “He’s dead, Harry. You have to let go.”</p><p>“I can’t.” Harry shook his head, sobbing even harder. “No… Sirius… Sirius, please.”</p><p>“Harry, I’m sorry but we really can’t.”</p><p>“I can’t let him go.” Harry wailed and Remus wrapped his arms around him, cradling the boy’s head to his chest. He suddenly felt so much younger than he was. Far too young to be doing this, to be seeing this.</p><p>A flash of green went streaming past them and Mary deflected several other spells from the two of them. This finally spurred Remus into more action and he wrenched Harry to his feet and pushed him towards the others. “Get out of here.” He ordered sharply.</p>
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<a name="section0069"><h2>69. chapter sixty-nine.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus sat on the floor outside of Dumbledore’s office, his head limply held against the brick wall of the castle that had kept him safe for so many years. Tonks sat beside him, her hand weakly resting on his thigh, the blood on her cheek drying in a thick line. They were hurt and exhausted, and yet neither could bring themselves to speak or move. Harry had been inside Dumbledore’s office for what felt like hours, and yet Remus knew that this was important. He didn’t need to be with Remus now, he needed to be with someone more removed from Sirius. Remus heard slow footsteps in the corridor and felt Tonks withdraw her hand self-consciously. He looked up and saw Mary limping towards them.</p><p>“I’m going to send my parents an owl.” Tonks mumbled quickly. “Let them know we’re-... Well, that I’m okay.”</p><p>Mary nodded, shooting her a shaky smile, and waited for Tonks to leave the corridor before taking a shaky step towards him. “Remus, I-…”</p><p>“Looks like you just got a promotion to first best friend…” He muttered, his voice sounding even more broken than he felt.</p><p>“Oh god…” She sobbed and fell forward, collapsing next to him on the cold stone floor. “Remus I’m so sorry I should have tried harder to save him I-…”</p><p>“What? No, no that’s not what I meant.” Remus snapped out of his stupor. “I don’t blame you. You have nothing to be sorry for. I-… Oh I don’t know. I don’t even know if I was making a joke. I feel so messed up.”</p><p>“Of course you do.”</p><p>“Mary…” Remus shook his head, looking up to the sky as though waiting for Sirius himself to give him some guidance. “What am I going to do?”</p><p>She took a moment before telling him firmly, “You’re going to get through this, just like you’ve done every time before and, after a little while, you’re going to be happy again. There’s nothing else to do.”</p><p>“Harry…”</p><p>“Is going to be fine, he just needs some time... We all do.”</p><p>Remus turned to her, his face softening. Mary. His Mary. Mary who was always there when he needed her. Mary who he had so much history with. Mary who he loved so much. “I need you, Mary.”</p><p>“Well I’m right here and I’m not leaving until you kick me out.” She grinned, though the pain still radiated from her eyes.</p><p>“No, I need you. I need you here, with me.” He reached out his hand to touch her face and she let him, leaning her cheek against his palm.</p><p>He moved closer but she gently stopped him. “No, Sweetheart, not now.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because we’re grieving. It’s the wrong time. One day, maybe. I think we’ve come far enough from before to consider it again. I’d be lying if I said the thought hadn’t occurred to me. But not now. For now we need to focus on everything else. Harry will be out soon, right?”</p><p>“I’ll take him back to the house, if Dumbledore will let me.”</p><p>“He will, Sweetheart. I’ll meet you there, okay?”</p><p>Remus nodded and was alone again in a few seconds, grief and guilt shooting through him in equal measure. </p><p>~~~</p><p>After he and Remus had returned in stony silence to the house he had grown up in, Harry left Remus alone in the kitchen and went in search for Mary. She was exactly where he had expected her to be, on the balcony leading off of her bedroom.</p><p>She turned to look at him, when he reached the doorway, her face pale and tear-stained, whilst his was blotchy and sore. She said nothing, instead just lifted her arm and offered him her half-smoked, smouldering cigarette. Harry paused for a moment, as the realisation of why she was offering it to him dawned on him. It was because there was no one to tell her not to anymore, she didn’t have anyone to answer to on the question of how he ought to be raised. The thought made his heart shudder.</p><p>He took the cigarette, but only to keep it away from her, and did not raise it to his lips. The pile of ash and stubbed out cigarette butts beside her told him that she had been chain-smoking for hours, and the shaking of her fingers showed the way the grief and the nicotine were melting together in her blood. There was nobody to tell her not to give him a cigarette, there was no one to tell him that he shouldn’t smoke, but there didn’t need to be. He knew what Sirius would have wanted, he knew he shouldn’t smoke because Sirius had never done it in front of him. Harry, despite the gaping hole of pain that had ripped its way through him so recently, was firm in his decision to live the way Sirius would have wanted, and to pursue things in a way that would have made his godfather proud.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Harry croaked and Mary looked over at him in surprise.</p><p>“What for? You don't need to be apologising to me, Fawn. If anything-…”</p><p>“I’m sorry that you have to keep picking up our broken pieces. You’ve come here because we need you and you’re gonna look after us, but you haven’t had any time to grieve for him yourself yet.”</p><p>Mary shrugged. “Maybe it’s the healer in me. Your mum used to say that I could bear my own pain, but I couldn’t bear the pain of anybody else, especially somebody that I truly loved.”</p><p>“But you truly loved Sirius, you must be as upset as we are.”</p><p>“Of course I am. Harry, your godfather was my best friend.” She whispered. “One of them at least. Every second that he’s not in this world feels harder and sadder than the last. I miss him, desperately. I know I always will. But I also truly love you and Remus, Harry, and the fact that you’re both in pain makes me feel even worse. If I can make it go away even a little bit for the both of you, then I will. It makes me feel useful and needed, and in turn I know I’m doing exactly what Sirius would have done in my position.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Three days later, Remus was sitting on the end of his bed, the small collection of Sirius’ personal items that had been returned to him, in his lap. Harry knocked lightly on the doorframe, watching him. Remus beckoned him inside and Harry sat down beside him. Remus’ hands shook as he held the necklace that Sirius had worn around his neck since he was a teenager. With a shallow breath, he placed them on the bed next to Harry, knowing that they belonged to him more than anybody else.</p><p>“So it’s your turn now is it?” Harry said coldly without looking up.</p><p>“Pardon me?”</p><p>“Well I got passed from my parents to Sirius when they were killed.” His voice was softer now, simply practical. “Now Sirius is dead I guess it’s your turn to look after me.”</p><p>“Only if you want me to.”</p><p>Harry jumped and looked over at Remus. “What? But I thought-…”</p><p>“It’s true that Sirius did pass you into my guardianship in the event of his death,” Remus nodded. “But I will not let my pride get in the way of your happiness. I know that there are others that would do a better job of supporting you than I can. If you’d like, I can transfer the guardianship to somebody else.”</p><p>“Like who?”</p><p>Remus shrugged and got off the bed. “I thought maybe Molly and Arthur.”</p><p>Harry shook his head. “They can’t afford another mouth to feed.”</p><p>“I have no doubt Molly would find a way. She’d be over the moon to be able to finally call you family officially. But I wouldn’t do that to them. Sirius left a large sum of money to go toward your care until you turn seventeen, and then the money goes to you directly. I think at least some of it could be given to the Weasleys to help them with the costs. Or else, maybe Mary. She’s been as much a mother figure to you as Molly has, and she loves you just as much as she does. She knows how to handle things like this.”</p><p>“You don’t want me…” Harry mumbled, tears springing to his eyes.</p><p>Remus rushed forward, slinging himself down onto the floor in front of Harry and reaching forward to clasp Harry’s hands in his. “Harry, you darling boy, of course I want you. I want nothing more than for us to stay together. But I am not Sirius-…”</p><p>“No, you’re not.” Harry fired back, drawing his hands away and getting up from the table. “And Sirius wasn’t my father or my mother, but he was the closest thing I had. And you helped him raise me, so now you’re the closest thing I’ve got.”</p><p>Remus sighed, leaning back heavily in his chair. “I appreciate that, and I certainly tried to help Sirius over the years but-… Sirius was able to do things that I can’t, and he was always here. He was always able to be with you.”</p><p>“But you’re too busy?” Harry sneered.</p><p>“Harry, I’m a werewolf.” Remus said exasperatedly.</p><p>Harry exhaled sharply through his nose derivatively, as though Remus had just said something particularly stupid. “Funnily enough that hadn’t escaped my notice.”</p><p>“I have to leave for several days at a time every month just to keep you safe.” Remus explained patiently. “I can’t just leave you for that long, especially not now.”</p><p>“It’s just a few days, I can take care of myself. Or I can stay with the Weasleys for that time or Mary can come and look after me if you’re that worried about it, or-…”</p><p>“What are you saying?”</p><p>“Don’t send me away, Remus.” Harry whimpered, his voice suddenly cracking and the emotion of the last few days pouring forward. “Don’t cut me out. Please. You and Sirius are the only family I ever knew properly, I don’t want to lose you both. I can’t lose you both.”</p><p>“We would still see each other Harry, I would visit as often as I could.” Remus assured him sensibly, trying desperately not to hear how similar Harry sounded to the way Sirius had after the death of his godson’s parents. “But your basic needs would be met consistently and you would be properly taken care of.”</p><p>“Sirius told me that when he took me in nobody thought he’d do a good job, including himself.”</p><p>“Yes he was quite uncertain about that.” Remus conceded with a nod.</p><p>“And he asked you for help.”</p><p>Remus sighed. “He didn’t need me, not really, he just thought he did. And after a little while he got the hang of it, and once Mary was living here, he really didn’t need me at all. I could have easily stepped out.”</p><p>“You were a team and we were a family.” Harry insisted. “I want to stay with you. Please. Even if we just give it a test-run or something over the summer.”</p><p>Remus considered this for a moment and then nodded, “If that’s really what you want, then of course that’s what will happen.”</p><p>“It is.” Harry said firmly.</p><p>“It’s just as well.” Remus smirked weakly. “I couldn’t kick you out of this house even if I wanted to, Sirius left it to you in his will.”</p><p>“You better not piss me off then, or you’ll be out on the streets quick as you like.”</p><p>Remus grinned. “Duly noted.”</p><p>They smiled at one another for a brief moment before Harry dipped his gaze and scuffed his sock-clad toes across the kitchen floor awkwardly. “I’m gonna go up to my room for a bit.” He said finally, moving to leave the room, stopping only to scoop up Sirius’ necklaces.</p><p>“Alright… Just-…”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“Harry… I want you to know that, if this ever feels like it’s not working out and you want to reconsider then… I won’t be offended. You’ll be free to go.”</p><p>A small smile spread across the boy's cut lips and, despite the tears threatening, he whispered, “Right back at you.”</p>
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<a name="section0070"><h2>70. chapter seventy.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Time seemed to collapse around him.</p><p>Harry had spent a lifetime grieving for his parents, and up until the end of his fourth year at Hogwarts he had thought he knew exactly what it felt like to lose somebody you loved. He had considered himself privileged in the realm of understanding pain. He was allowed to profess knowledge on the subject, he had worn the title of orphan like a suit of armour. Nobody was allowed to question his emotions. If he was sad, he was allowed to spend days at a time crying because he was the boy whose parents had been murdered in front of his eyes. If he was irrationally angry, then he was allowed to scream and break things and blame everyone other than himself for everything that had ever gone wrong in his life because he was the boy whose parents had been taken from him without his permission. When Cedric had died it felt as though a hole had ripped its way through him, and it hurt so badly he thought he would never heal. He had realised then that he had never understood what it felt like to lose somebody. He had never known what it felt like to watch somebody be killed. He had never known what it was like to blame himself for everything that had ever gone wrong in the lives of those he loved. When he had started to heal, he had straightened his spine and lifted his chin, daring the world to confront him again. For he had known loss, purer and rawer than that experienced by anyone else, surely. He had known the very worst of pains, and he had burdened the heaviest of guilts. He had grieved again, and in a first-hand way this time. He was allowed to profess knowledge on the subject. But he had been wrong.</p><p>He hadn’t felt grief or pain, not properly. Losing Sirius had made Harry so numb, he wondered if it was he that had been the one that had been killed. Maybe this was hell, it certainly felt like it. A world where Harry had to live without his godfather didn’t make sense, and everything seemed to swim around him in a nauseating way. He felt dizzy all of the time. But then again, that might have been for the lack of eating. He slept a lot in the beginning, waking briefly enough to recognise who was in the room with him before drifting off again. Mostly it was Remus, but Mary became a constant again after a while. Molly Weasley did her shifts as well, leaving plates of food and cups of milky tea on the bedside table. Harry watched them go cold, or in the case of breakfast cereals, watched them warm up and congeal. Harry’s nausea grew worse.</p><p>A month after Sirius died, Harry moved himself up into the attic room. It was warm enough now that he could sleep up there, and he spent his nights with his eyes stretched open and his body curled up, protecting the ache in his stomach and in his chest. He watched the stars, though they never seemed to move. He looked for those he had lost in them and wondered if anybody was looking back down. Mary joined him most nights, sitting close to the gap, smoking. The smell brought Harry out of his stupor somewhat, but before long it was as familiar as anything else in the house. Familiar and hauntingly sad.</p><p>Ginny became a constant presence in the big house. She helped Remus and Mary with the housework when they needed an extra pair of hands, but the rest of the time she just sat or lay beside Harry. She never spoke first, knowing that he needed to be the one to break the silence. But she would be there when he was ready.</p><p>Three months after it happened, Remus finally felt strong enough to go through Sirius’ things, in case there were any important documents or other things they simply couldn’t afford to let get lost. As he was cleaning Sirius’ bedroom, he knocked a photo frame off of the bedside table and stooped to pick it up from under the bed. His hand brushed something cold and dusty. He pulled it out and held it in both hands, his fingers gripping so tightly that his knuckles went a sickly white. It was an old jar stacked with coins. On the side, in Sirius’ elegant writing, it simply said: "Moony’s Money.” Remus fell backwards, landing in a heap on the floor and began to sob, clutching the jar to his chest.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Remus walked into the hallway as Mary pushed open the front door, her key dangling in her left hand. “Thanks for coming, Mary.” He said, hugging her tight.</p><p>“Of course, did you really expect me to say no?” She replied, her lips close to his ear.</p><p>“I suppose not.”</p><p>“A week, you think?”</p><p>“I might be back before but-… Mary, he needs to have some time away from me, I can tell, but I’m not ready to leave him completely by himself for any extended time.”</p><p>“Completely understandable.” She grinned. “Go, run wild and don’t worry about a thing. If it’s longer than a week, I’ll stay, it’s fine.”</p><p>That night, after she had made him a dinner he did not eat, Mary sat beside Harry at the kitchen table and said, “Feels weird doesn’t it?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Being here without him.”</p><p>“I don’t want to talk about Sirius.” Harry told her sharply.</p><p>“I wasn’t talking about Sirius. It feels weird without Remus, don’t you think?”</p><p>Harry rolled his eyes. “He’s coming back.”</p><p>“Yeah, he is.” Mary lit a cigarette and sat back in her chair, her arms folded over her chest. “He always comes back.”</p><p>Harry hesitated and then said, “Mary…” in a voice a lot gentler than before.</p><p>“Yes, Sweetheart?”</p><p>“I think I should go.”</p><p>“Go where?”</p><p>Harry shrugged, avoiding her gaze. “Anywhere, somewhere that’s not here. I think it would be for the best.”</p><p>“Alright then, let’s go.” She agreed brightly, leaning forward, as keen for an adventure without danger as he was. Although where Harry went, danger usually followed.</p><p>“No, I should go alone.” Harry insisted.</p><p>“Nice try, Fawn.” Mary chuckled humourlessly and sat back in her chair again, cigarette held loftily in the air. “No way.”</p><p>“He needs an out.”</p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him. “Who does?”</p><p>“Remus. He needs to be able to tell people I left of my own accord so that he doesn’t have to worry about looking after me anymore. It’ll be fine I’ll go and he can finally have his life back. He got too caught up with me and Sirius, he never got to live the life he was supposed to and-…”</p><p>“Harry James Potter, you need to stop that right now.” Mary ordered, her voice harsher than he had ever heard it. “I mean it, shut your mouth and turn off those thoughts immediately.”</p><p>“I-…”</p><p>“No.” Mary cut him off firmly. “Sweetheart, if you walk out of that door, if you dare leave him, I will be forced to come after you myself and I will drag you back.” The burning cigarette between her fingers glowed bright orange in the semi-darkness and Harry followed it with his eyes as she pointed from him to the door, curving her fingers sternly. “If you leave, you will break his heart. Harry, as hard as you think you’ve had it, he has had just as hard, if not harder. He won’t be able to take it, he cannot lose another person that he loves. I can’t let you do that to him. I will not let you do that to him.”</p><p>“He shouldn't have to-…”</p><p>“It’s not a case of having to do anything.” Mary cut him off. “You’re all grown up, Fawn, he doesn’t need to raise you or look after you in the way Sirius had to when you were a baby and I don’t see him ever trying to step into those shoes. He just wants you to be happy, and he loves you. He wants you to be around. If this is your roundabout way of saying you’re not happy with him and you want to leave then that’s fine, but you’re going back to school soon, that can be your running away. But I know deep down you are as scared to leave him as he is to lose you.” Harry’s face crumpled and he reached for her. Mary wrapped him in a tight hug. He buried his face in her neck and clung tightly to her, as a small child would. Mary rocked him slightly back and forth, stroking his hair reassuringly. When they pulled away she smiled. Harry sank against her until his head was in her lap, his tears soaking into her jeans. “I remember the very first time I held you.” She whispered, her fingers entwining with his tufty hair. “You were only a few hours old and I went to visit your mum in the hospital. You were dead asleep. Funnily enough, it was Sirius that gave you to me.” Her eyes lit up at the memory. “He’d been having his turn when I walked in. He put you in my arms and you woke up during the transition. Everyone panicked because they didn’t want you to cry. But you didn’t cry, you just looked up at me with those beautiful big green eyes, so like Lily’s, and I swear to god, even though everyone said it was impossible, that you were too little then, I swear you smiled at me.” Her voice cracked and Harry knew she was holding back tears. “And I knew we were meant to be in each other’s lives, and I was meant to look after you and protect you. Everyone in that room was.” She reached over him and stubbed her cigarette out on the side of her dinner plate. “The thing is Harry… you might be the Chosen One. He might have picked you, or somebody out there did at least. You might be destined to fight. You might save the Wizarding World, or you might not. But that’s not what makes you special. Because I knew on that day, when I held you in my arms and I looked around at the people in that room, I knew you were the most special person that had ever been born, because you had changed everything for the better and you had created a shield of love around you that nobody would be able to penetrate. And it made you strong. That strength is still in you.”</p><p>“I don’t feel strong.” Choked Harry.</p><p>“I know you don’t. None of us do right now.” She rocked him gently. “But you are. Strong and loved and special, despite all that’s happened to you. You’re going to come out of this, and even if you lose everyone else, you will be okay. I promise you that.”</p><p>Harry pulled back and wiped his nose and eyes on his sleeve. “Thanks, Mary.”</p><p>“Any time, Fawn.”</p><p>“If I promise not to run away, can I go see Ginny?”</p><p>“Sure, go ahead.” Mary nodded and watched Harry as he walked towards the fireplace to take the Floo Network to the Burrow. When he had vanished, she sighed and sat back in her chair, lighting another cigarette. She eyed the pictures stuck to the fridge and shook her head. “We’re really in it now, boys.” She muttered, to people that could no longer hear her.</p>
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<a name="section0071"><h2>71. chapter seventy-one.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After Sirius died, Harry found it difficult to sleep at night and found himself reverting to the sleep pattern he had held when he was small. He slept until late in the day and then awoke, living his life until the sun rose, splashing him with golden light. He padded through the house at all hours, picturing Sirius in every room. There was no black dog asleep on the rug. No one to sit with until his mind stopped buzzing. Finally, he decided he needed to say a proper goodbye. He needed to stop being haunted by his memory. He asked Remus and Mary if they would take him to Sirius’ grave and they agreed immediately.</p><p>They ventured there the very next day. Sirius’ headstone was plain, no flashiness. If you had not been looking for it, you would walk right past it without knowing who rested there. It was the complete opposite to the graves of his ancestors, and Harry knew he would have liked it this way. The words on the headstone read: Beloved Friend, Dedicated Godfather, Protector of the Persecuted. Harry placed a single white lily on the ground in front of the headstone, hoping it would remind his mother to look after Sirius. Like she’d ever forget.</p><p>“Do you think he’s with her?” Harry sniffed, looking watery-eyed up at Remus.</p><p>Remus shrugged and put a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “I think he’s with them. Marlene, certainly, but your parents too. And Dorcas, Gideon and Fabian-…”</p><p>“Oh god, don’t list them Remus.” Mary groaned, tears slipping down her cheeks. “It already feels like we’re the only ones left.” Harry wrapped his arm around her waist, supporting her. Her frame felt so frail under his grip, and yet he knew she was anything but weak.</p><p>Remus reached for her too and the three of them had a three-way, sideways hug. “It’s going to be alright.” He said as confidently as he could. “We’ll make him proud. He won’t die in vain.”</p><p>“I’m going to kill Bellatrix Lestrange.” Harry said coldly. The words shot through Remus and Mary like cold knives, but they did not protest. If that was what it took for Harry to keep moving forward, if revenge was what spurred him on, then so be it.</p><p>“See you, Padfoot.” Remus whispered, pressing a loving hand to the top of the headstone and walking away, heading towards the cemetery’s exit. Harry heard a shaky breath wrack through Remus’ lungs as he tried his best to keep it together.</p><p>“Love you always, Handsome.” Mary copied Remus, tears still slipping down her cheeks.</p><p>Harry said nothing. He knew that Sirius would have already known what he was thinking. He took one last look at his godfather’s final place of rest, and followed Remus and Mary out of the cemetery, determined to start again.</p><p>~~~</p><p>A few weeks later, only days before Harry was due back at Hogwarts, he walked into the kitchen and asked Remus, “Where’s Tonks?”</p><p>Remus jumped violently and threw down the newspaper he was reading. “What do you mean where’s Tonks? I have no idea where she is, she could be absolutely anywhere.”</p><p>“Um okay…” Harry looked at him, bemused. “I only asked because she used to be here all the time and now she’s not. Excuse me for noticing her absence.”</p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you, but you need to leave Tonks alone, Harry, we all do.” Remus sighed. “She’s going through a difficult time at the moment.”</p><p>Harry chewed on his bottom lip and sank down in the chair opposite Remus. “I didn’t know she and Sirius were so close, they were only second-cousins after all and her mum was estranged from the rest of their family before she was born. They never talked that much when I was around them.”</p><p>“Death causes people to react in all sorts of ways, Harry.” Remus said patiently. “It’s quite possible that Tonks is more upset than anyone would have imagined she might be for exactly all of those reasons. He was her relative and yet they didn’t get to know one another, she likely has regrets about that. But they did spend some time together when she was younger, though we hadn’t seen her in a few years before she joined the Order. And her mother adored Sirius… Besides, her behaviour might have absolutely nothing to do with Sirius anyway.”</p><p>Harry frowned. “What else could it be?”</p><p>Remus shrugged. “I’m as clued in as you are nowadays.”</p><p>“Well either way it makes no difference, Mrs Weasley is refusing to let her wallow and be by herself, or at least she’s trying to put a stop to it.”</p><p>Remus swallowed awkwardly and, attempting to seem casual, said, “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Ron said that his mum is trying to set Tonks and Bill up.” Harry sniggered, clearly enjoying the idea of Tonks with her brightly-coloured hair and clunky boots being with someone as effortlessly cool as Bill Weasley.</p><p>“Bill? Really?”</p><p>“Yeah, but the rest of us are pretty sure he’s got his mind set on Fleur Delacour, on account of him asking her to marry him and all, even though Mrs Weasley and Ginny can’t stand her.”</p><p>Remus smirked, relief flooding through him. “Actually now you mention it I do recall hearing that Miss Delacour was not a particularly popular choice amongst some of the Weasley relatives, but only the women am I correct?”</p><p>“Yup, everyone else is happy as a clam that she’s around.” Harry grinned. “Apart from maybe Mr Weasley, because it’s sending Mrs Weasley barking mad. I have to keep a lid on it though, it annoys Ginny unless I pretend to be on her side on this one!”</p><p>“So you don’t think it too likely that Bill and Tonks will actually happen?”</p><p>Harry shrugged. “I don’t know, I haven’t given it that much thought... I suppose it depends on how she reacts to him, and I’ve never really seen them together. Have you?”</p><p>“No, I don’t think so.” Remus muttered. “Though I suppose it could work, they’re of a similar age and-…”</p><p>“Why are you so interested, anyway?”</p><p>“I’m not particularly, we were just making conversation.” Remus picked his newspaper back up and pretended to keep reading.</p><p>“Oh… Okay. Do you want to talk about something else?”</p><p>Remus raised an eyebrow over the paper. “We can talk about whatever you want, Harry. Is there anything you need to talk about?”</p><p>“I’m not going to talk about Sirius if that’s what you want.” Harry snapped.</p><p>“I’m not going to push you into talking about anything that you don’t want to. I just want you to know that if anything does come to mind and you feel like it would be a relief just to say it out loud, I’m here to be the recipient.”</p><p>“I know that.”</p><p>“Good… Are Hermione and Ron coming to stay again this year?”</p><p>“Um… I’m not sure yet, we talked about maybe just staying at the Weasley’s for the week before term starts.”</p><p>Remus faltered. “Oh I see.” Of course they would. How could he have been so stupid as to assume otherwise. Nothing was as it had been, traditions meant nothing now. Everything had changed.</p><p>“It wasn’t my idea,” Harry rushed, trying to reassure Remus. “They just thought it might be too hard on us to have guests this year.”</p><p>Remus nodded, smiling as brightly as he could manage. “I completely understand.”</p><p>“Ron said you could come too though, to the Weasley’s I mean.”</p><p>“Oh I don’t know if-…”</p><p>“There’s always been an open invitation for us both there, and I’d like to spend some time with you before I go back to school… Please come, Moony.”</p><p>“Alright then,” Remus smiled, feeling a little more reassured. “I’ll go with you, even if not for the full week. But make sure you call ahead and tell them we’re both coming. I know Molly wouldn’t say anything but I don’t want to stress her out by arriving unannounced.”</p><p>“I will.” Harry grinned, nodding. “Do you think Mary might come too?” He asked hopefully.</p><p>“You can certainly write to her and ask. She’s very busy with everything Moody’s got her doing and she’s already had a bit of time off recently though, so don’t be upset if she can’t make it.”</p><p>“Okay, I won’t.”</p><p>But, in the end, Harry did not need to write to Mary. She showed up on their doorstep the next day, sobbing. “Remus… It’s Emmeline. He got her. She’s-...”</p><p>“No.” Remus mumbled, letting her run into his arms. “Not again.”</p><p>“It’s never going to stop.” Mary cried.</p><p>“What’s going on? What’s the matter?” Harry appeared at the bottom of the stairs, his face aghast at the sight of Mary’s distress.</p><p>“Emmeline Vance is dead.” Remus said grimly. “Voldemort killed her… Come on Mary, try to stay calm. Harry, help me get her up to bed, will you?” But Harry too had frozen. Emmeline Vance. The eccentric woman who had taught him such important skills. The one who had shared her most precious thoughts and memories with him in the process. Who had risked so much to help him. The one his father had called ‘Em’. “Harry, please.” Remus pleaded as his knees buckled as Mary fell further down his body. With some difficulty, Harry shook away another layer of grief and reached for Mary, lifting her up into a cradle and hurrying up the stairs to her old bedroom.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next morning, when Mary had recovered, she was sitting at the kitchen table sewing. Her face was pale and puffy around the eyes, but she had a quiet determination to her demeanour. Remus was watching her carefully, as though worried she might fall apart again at any moment. “Fawn, pass me your jacket.” She said, motioning to the one he wore most often, a denim jacket that he’d thrown over the back of an armchair when he’d returned home from seeing Ginny the night before..</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I’ll only be a second, come on.”</p><p>Harry peeled his jacket off the back of his chair and chucked it to her. She smiled sweetly, and then quick as a flash had produced a stanley knife and sliced two long lines in the lining. “Oi! What are you doing? That’s my favourite!” He protested.</p><p>“I know, that’s why I didn’t tell you why you needed it.”</p><p>Harry rolled his eyes. “Well now that you’ve destroyed it, can I know why?”</p><p>“I’m going to fix it Sweetheart, just hang on.” From a small cotton bag hanging on her own chair, Mary produced two thin stacks of paper bank notes, one wizarding and one muggle. She slid them into the slits she had made in the lining, concealing them from the outside of the jacket. “Just in case.” She said simply, but her voice was heavy with meaning.</p><p>“It’s a good idea.” Harry murmured. “Could you fit anything more in them?”</p><p>“Maybe a few things. Nothing too bulky. Why?”</p><p>“I’ll be right back.” Ignoring Mary calling out after him, and Remus’ half-hearted attempt that followed, Harry hurried up the stairs to his bedroom and went straight to his bedside cabinet. From inside the envelope he kept them in to keep them safe, he withdrew his parents wedding photograph and their wedding rings, taken from their fingers when they were buried.</p><p>On his way out of the bedroom, he stopped at the framed photograph of himself, Mary, Remus and Sirius taken the Christmas before his godfather had died and took the image from its frame. Pausing once more, he went over to his half-packed Hogwarts trunk and rummaged around until he found four more photographs. The first was of himself and the Weasley family on their trip to Egypt, the second of himself, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna and Ginny by the Black Lake. He then located one of himself, Sirius and Remus when Harry was only three or four. Finally he found a photograph of Ginny, a portrait that Colin Creevey had captured in the Gryffindor Common Room and asked Harry if he would like a copy when he found out that he and Ginny were dating. These were what he would need if he ever got into any trouble. These would be what he would rely on if he was captured or tortured or starving. They were his hope.</p><p>He ran back down the stairs and handed them to Mary, who didn’t bother examining them before slipping them inside of the jacket. She knew they were important to him; that was all she needed to know.</p>
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<a name="section0072"><h2>72. chapter seventy-two.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The day before they were due back at Hogwarts, Harry and Mary were hurriedly throwing their possessions into their respective trunks while Remus simply tried to keep them both calm. After the debacle with Dolores Umbridge the previous year, Mary had been reinstated as part of the medical staff at Hogwarts at the specific request of Madam Pomfrey. Dumbledore and Moody had agreed that it was a good idea for her to be stationed at the school, not just for the sake of the students’ wellbeing, but in case Harry needed some home comfort in light of Sirius’ death. </p><p>Mary poked her head into Harry’s bedroom as he folded his socks. “Fawn, have you seen my medical kit?” </p><p>“Oh it’s in the attic.” He told her. “Ginny stepped on a splinter so I used it to patch her up.”</p><p>“That attic is a death trap.” Mary muttered, ruffling his hair as she left his room. She climbed the rickety staircase up to the attic and found the kit lying open beside the mattress Harry had taken to sleeping on. She reached for it, but as she did she heard a banging behind her. The chest of drawers hidden up there was rocking and Mary knew a boggart had moved in. </p><p>Bracing herself, Mary turned to face the creature square-on and flicked her wand to unlock its cage. Nothing could have prepared her for what stepped out. </p><p>In the same moment, Remus heard a crashing sound and Mary crying out. He raced up to the attic and saw the Mulciber stalking towards her. She cowered in the corner of the room, weeping. Remus clocked the open drawers and realised the extent of what was happening. “Riddikulus.” He said as calmly as possible, allowing the creature to turn into his own worst fear. He took a bracing breath and hit the boggart with the spell again, and then a third time. By the fourth, Mary had recovered herself slightly and was able to help him. Within seconds, the boggart was gone. </p><p>Mary stole a shaky glance at Remus and shook her head. “If I ever see that bastard again, I will kill him.” She swore. “I will not be haunted by that day any longer.” And with that, she left the attic and did not look back.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next morning, Remus was standing in the downstairs corridor and checking his watch for what felt like the millionth time. He had barely slept the night before and had been awake for hours, but he had only heard Harry and Mary begin to stir half an hour before and now they were at risk of being late.  “Harry! Mary! Come on, you’ll miss the train!”</p><p>They sloped down the stairs, both still half-asleep and leaning on each other for support. “Now, Sweetheart, are you sure you’re going to be okay here all alone?” Mary looked at Remus, genuine concern on her face. </p><p> </p><p>“I won’t be all alone, not really.” Remus reminded her. “Molly wants me round nearly every day and there’s still a lot to be done with the Order. I’ll have plenty to be getting on with.”</p><p>“If you’re sure…”</p><p>Remus smirked at her. “If I wasn’t sure, were you planning on staying?”</p><p>She considered this for a moment and then smirked. “I guess not. Alright Fawn, grab your trunk and we’ll get going.” </p><p>They arrived at the station in record time and reached the barrier to Kings Cross seconds after the Weasleys, causing exclamations of joy and surprise. One by one they slid through the barrier onto Platform 9/4. Mrs Weasley gave Harry an extra tight hug and kissed him goodbye, as though trying to impart the extra love that he was missing without Sirius. It was hard to see them all gathered there on the platform without him. Harry had never been waved off to school without his godfather before. Mrs Weasley turned to Ron and Ginny, the only two of her children still attending Hogwarts and fussed with their bags and robes. Mary turned to Harry and Remus and told them she had to get settled in the staff compartment, but they all knew she was just giving them some time alone. Kissing both of them goodbye, she scampered away.</p><p>Remus took a slow, steadying breath and squeezed Harry’s shoulder gently. “Harry, you know if you need anything, anything at all-...”</p><p>“I know. Thanks.”</p><p>“And I know it doesn’t mean quite as much but-... I’m very proud of the man you’ve become. And I love you. Very, very much.”</p><p>Harry shook his head in disbelief. “Remus… It means everything. You have to know that.”</p><p>Remus shrugged. “You and Sirius had a special bond, he was your godfather and-...”</p><p>“We’ve been over this a million times!” Harry cut him off with a sad smile. “I loved Sirius with my whole being, I still love him, but I love you too, just as much. Him being my godfather made no difference. You were there for the nightmares and the life lessons and the happy times. You were there for all of it. You were my guardian too. He wasn’t my dad, and neither were you, but you were both the best I could have asked for.”</p><p>Tears brimmed in Remus’ eyes as he placed a loving hand on Harry’s cheek. “You’re a special kid, Harry Potter. And I bet James and Sirius are both watching you with nothing but pride and love.”</p><p>“You too… kid!”</p><p>Remus laughed and caught Harry in a headlock, transitioning to a hug within a few seconds, his cheek pressed to the boy’s dark, spiky hair. “Stay safe, mate.”</p><p>“I will.”</p><p>“And I mean it, if you need me or if there’s anything weird going on-...”</p><p>“You’re only an owl away, I know.” The train whistle sounded and Mrs Weasley leapt into action, ushering her kids and Harry towards the train. Harry caught hold of Remus for a final hug and then said, “Get back in touch with Tonks. I know you’re both busy with Order stuff but you get on really well. I know you miss her, and I bet she misses you too. It’d be good for you to have a friend around.”</p><p>Unsure of how to respond, Remus just nodded and shooed him away. Standing with Molly and Arthur, Remus raised his hand and waved Harry and his friends goodbye, his heart aching to run after the train, even if it meant following them all the way to Hogwarts.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Harry, Ron and Ginny pulled themselves back through the train windows, their arms tired from waving and went in search of their friends. They wandered down the carriage, passing Mary in the staff compartment and giving her a set of subtle grins, before finding a compartment halfway down the train. Harry couldn’t help feeling preoccupied at how small and lonely the scene on the platform had looked. There had been years when the platform seemed packed just with people who loved him, and now there were only three of them. Harry tried hard to remind himself that there were still many people in his extended family, even if they hadn’t been there to wave him off on that particular day. Neville, Hermione and Luna were no doubt somewhere else on the train, though he hadn’t spotted their families on the platform. The older Weasleys were all busy with the Order and, in the case of the twins, their new shop in Diagon Alley. Tonks and her parents were also serving the Order, and Mary was aboard the train too. The only real person missing was Sirius, but the gap he had left made all the difference in the world. </p><p>They found an empty compartment and, as London melted away, Harry sat back in his seat with a small sigh. Ginny said nothing, just sidled a little closer to him while Ron searched in his bag for something. A few minutes later, the door to their compartment slid open and Hermione, Neville and Luna all filed in, having peered into every compartment until they found the right one. They all settled in for the long journey, pleased to finally all be together without the presence of any adults. </p><p>“So, what is the plan?” Hermione pressed Harry urgently after a few minutes of light-hearted catching up.</p><p>He jumped slightly. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Well, are we all staying at Hogwarts until we graduate or are we going to do what Ron’s brothers did last year and leave to join the Order?”</p><p>“Fred and George didn’t leave to join the Order, they left to open a joke shop.” Ginny reminded Hermione, a laugh bubbling in her throat..</p><p>“All the same. I think we need a plan.”</p><p>Ron narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. “You actually want to leave school?”</p><p>“Of course I don’t, but I want Voldemort to win this war even less. We can always come back in the future.”</p><p>“Hermione?” Harry stopped her, his voice tired.</p><p>“Yes?” She replied tentatively. </p><p>“I have no plan. Nobody does. The plan is just to stay alive for as long as possible.”</p><p>“Oh…” She mumbled, catching her bottom lip between her teeth and biting hard. </p><p>“So I guess we’ll all be at the Sorting Ceremony then?” Laughed Neville.</p><p>“Besides, Hermione, McGonagall would hit the roof if you tried to duck out before your final exams.” Ron added. “You’re bringing the whole school’s average up!” </p><p>~~~</p><p>Hermione still had an uncertain look on her face as they left the train and boarded the thestral-drawn carriages to take them up to the school, but when she realised that she and the others could all see the thestrals now, after witnessing Sirius’ death at the Ministry the previous year, her uncertainty turned to dour sadness. Luna wrapped her arm around Hermione’s shoulders as they sat rocking in the carriage ride up to the school, while Ginny curled a little closer to Harry. </p><p>When the carriages arrived at the entrance to the school, they heard a familiar and yet surprising voice bossily calling out orders and attempting to organise the throngs of students. Ron and Ginny exchanged confused looks and then glanced around at the others in the carriage. </p><p>“It can’t be.” Ron muttered, sticking his head out of the window. He drew it back in almost immediately, a look of shock plastered on his face. “It bloody well is. What the hell is Percy doing here?” They clambered out of the carriage significantly faster than they might otherwise have and Percy’s siblings made a beeline for him, Ginny half-dragging Harry along behind her. “Perce! Oi, Perce!” Ron called. </p><p>“Oh, hello.” Percy said casually. “How was the trip up? Mum and Dad alright?”</p><p>Ron stared at his brother. “What are you doing here?” </p><p>“I’ve been redistributed.”</p><p>“Redistributed?” Hermione repeated.</p><p>“Sacked. From the Ministry.” Elaborated Percy coldly. “Should have seen it coming I suppose, after becoming involved with the Order. Dad’s holding on by a thread at the Ministry himself by all accounts. Dumbledore decided I should be placed at the school to help organise things from here. Officially, I’m McGonagall’s teaching assistant, which I do think I’ll enjoy.”</p><p>“You’re going to be in our classes?”</p><p>“Only Transfiguration. I’ll try not to embarass you.” Percy rolled his eyes. “Go on now, half the school’s already inside and the feast is about to start.”</p><p>Somewhat reluctantly, the group trudged on, with Ron groaning and Ginny trying not to laugh. “He’s going to ruin our whole school year.” Ron grumbled as they climbed the stairs to the Gryffindor Common Room, waving Luna off halfway towards the Ravenclaw one, telling her they’d meet her in the Great Hall. </p><p>“Don’t be so dramatic, Ron.” Hermione rolled her eyes as they followed a group of Third-Years through the portrait-hole. </p><p>“He’s here on Order business.” Harry reminded them under his breath. “There will be a good reason for it. We just have to trust Dumbledore.”</p><p>“Even Dumbledore makes mistakes,” Ron muttered. “And if he was going to make one, Percy would definitely be the form it took.”</p><p>They continued through the portrait hole, following a gaggle of Third Years that knew the new password and dumped their bags in their individual dormitories. Their trunks would be delivered while they were at the feast. Harry kept Hedwig’s cage with him as they met up with Seamus and Dean and wandered back downstairs to meet the girls and walk to the feast. Harry and Ginny split off from them in the corridor to deliver Hedwig up to Owlery.</p><p>“Are you feeling alright?” Ginny asked him when they were finally alone.</p><p>“As much as can be expected.”</p><p>“He’d be proud of you, Harry.” She reminded him gently. “For how you’ve handled everything. And the fact that you’re not going to stop fighting.”</p><p>“Of course I’m not.” He said, surprised. “As long as I have something to fight for, I’ll be on the frontlines.”</p><p>“Well, you won’t be there alone.” She promised him sincerely. And though it pained him to imagine them as comrades in arms instead of loving partners, Harry didn’t try to talk her out of anything. He just kissed her temple, let Hedwig out of her cage to join the other owls in their evening meal of mice, and walked back out into the castle. </p><p>As they left the Owlery, a prefect stopped them and handed Harry a piece of parchment. It was from Dumbledore, asking him to drop by his office after the feast. Harry stuffed the note into the pockets of his robes and kept walking towards the Great Hall. As they went, they walked past Dumbledore’s office and Harry’s heart panged as he remembered the evenings he had spent there the previous year with Emmeline Vance. Another person gone, another person that had cared about what happened to him dead. He would always feel indebted to Emmeline. She had not only taught him legilimency, but she had also reminded him of what it meant to be a noble person. No one else would die for him, he would do everything in his power to make sure of that.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Remus,</p><p>First week back at Hogwarts wasn’t too bad. I see Mary most days and she’s really happy to be back in the Hospital Wing. I don’t know if you’ve heard but Snape is the new DADA teacher. I suppose he’s better than Umbridge but he’s not a patch on you. Hermione says we should all just leave school and get you to train us up but I think if I actually suggested going through with it she’d be pretty weirded out. You know what Hermione’s like. There’s no homework in the Order, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself. Dumbledore’s hand is looking kind of weird, like he’s got some kind of infection, do you know what happened to him? </p><p>Hope you’re doing okay, already miss you lots.</p><p>Love,</p><p>Harry </p><p>P.S. The new Potions teacher used to work here when you were younger - he’s already cornered me to talk about my mum a few times. Seems really keen to teach me. Should I be suspicious or flattered?</p><p>~~~</p><p>Dear Harry,</p><p>Glad to hear all is going well so far. I had heard a few rumours about Snape’s new role but I thought that Sirius would have found it extremely funny if I left it a surprise for you and your friends and, frankly, I couldn’t resist! </p><p>I’m afraid this is the rare occasion when I must insist that Hermione is wrong. As much as I believe you all capable of becoming excellent soldiers, I don’t want that for you. Not yet, at least. And Sirius would have agreed with me on that, I’m sure. You are safe at Hogwarts, Harry, and I want you to stay that way for as long as possible. Your father, mother, godfather and I, and all of our friends, were forced into the last war far too early and, though I am proud of all we did, I wish we could have stayed regular teenagers for just a little bit longer. Try and manage that for me, will you?</p><p>I don’t know what is wrong with Dumbledore’s hand, but I did notice the same issue the last time I saw him. Maybe ask Mary to try and take a look at it and see what she makes of it?</p><p>As for Slughorn, I would be both flattered and suspicious. In these times, letting your guard down is never a good idea, but I do remember Slughorn being very fond of Lily (and far less fond of James and Sirius!) so his interest in you is likely genuine.</p><p>Keep me updated.</p><p>Love,</p><p>Remus.</p>
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